A/N: This chapter gets graphic, and contains mature content. Since I've warned you, don't report me.

That night, like all of the others, I went to the ravine to see Jay. He was sitting, as always, on the table with his feet on the bench. His left hand held a beer bottle and his right elbow rested on his knee. He smiled at me when I came up to him.

"I was starting to wonder if you were going to show," he said. "You're a little later than usual."

"My parents wanted to talk about what happened at the shrink's office," I told him.

"What happened at the shrinks office?" he asked as I sat down and took the beer from his hand.

"I told her she was wasting her time because she couldn't help me," I said. "I don't need help. I'm fine. The shooting didn't ruin my life the way everyone says it did."

"It changed you a lot though," he said.

"But I'm better off this way," I told him. "This way is more realistic. I mean, like I was actually going to save all of the whales and the rainforests and end world hunger, come on. I was so stupid."

"It isn't stupid," he said. "I thought it was cute."

I put my hand on the inside of his thigh, creeping my fingers slowly upward. "You don't think that's cute?" I whispered in his ear.

He grinned. "No, I think that's sexy."

"The van looks empty," I told him. "You want to have a little fun?"

He took my hand and another beer and led me to the van.

"You're hot, Emma Nelson," he told me.

I kissed him and pulled his shirt over his head. My hands fell on to the buttons of his jeans when, inside, I hesitated. Did I want this? I asked myself. Yes, I decided. I unbuttoned his jeans.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked, as I pulled the jeans down.

"I'm fine," I said, teasing him with my tongue.

He laughed, "That tickles."

"Does it feel good?"

"Yes." His voice was a little panting now, like he was fighting hard to gain control.

Like before, he stripped my clothes off and entered me, without protection. He didn't bother being gentle and I didn't mind. It felt like he was pounding into me really hard, almost as if demanding that I belong to him and only to him. I didn't mind though, because if it was hard and rough that meant there wouldn't be any mushy, laying in each others arms stuff that would force me to connect with him. Connecting with anybody was dangerous. Connecting with Jay was suicide.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked once he had finished.

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "You didn't hurt me."

"Good," he said, putting his arms around me.

"I should go, though," I said, starting to sit up.

"Why?" he asked, still breathless. "Can't you stay for awhile?"

"Why do you want me to?"

He looked at me like he wanted to say something. I could hear him without him even saying a word. I could hear him saying," we just shared something so intimate and you want to leave right away?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I just…I…"

He kissed me. "Its okay, I understand."

I smiled one of my fake-Oscar-winning smiles, and pulled my clothes back on.

The next day at school, I saw Alex and Jay fighting.

"Just get your hands off me," Jay yelled at her.

"I can't believe you're dumping me after I took you back after hooking up with every skank in this school," Alex yelled.

"Get over it, maybe if you hadn't been so busy with Ms. 'I'm a cheerleader' I wouldn't have had to have every skank in the ravine!"

"And now? What about now? Do you think I don't know about your nightly visits with Emma Nelson?" Alex said loudly.

Everyone turned to stare at me.

"Do you think I don't know you're screwing her? I saw you last night, Jay," she continued.

"Shut up," Jay told her. "Shut your mouth, you don't know what you're talking about."

"I know what it looked like to me. And what it looked like was you on top of her with your clothes off screwing her the way you used to screw me!"

It was so humiliating. I wanted to sink into the floor.

He raised his hand like he was going to hit her. "Shut up about Emma," he warned. He grabbed her hair and pulled her close to him, whispered something, and then let go of her with a jerk. He fled from the building, running out the door, slamming it behindhim with a thud so loudI thought the glass would break,and down the steps.

I went after him. Behind me I heard Alex call, "That's right, you whore, go comfort him the way you did last night."

I tried to ignore her. "Jay," I called. "Jay, stop," I said grabbing his arm once I'd caught up with him at his car.

"I'm sorry, Emma. I'm sorry Alex told the whole school."

"It's okay," I told him. "I don't care about what people say." I touched his face. "What happened?"

"Get in the car, we can go somewhere."

"Okay," I said.

We drove for a long time before he said anything. "Alex is such a bitch," he said. "She always has been."

"Why were you two fighting?"

"She accused me of cheating on her."

"You are cheating on her," I told him.

"I know," he sighed. He reached his hand over and grasped mine. "But, this means we can be together now, right?"

I hesitated. "Lets not label us. Everything goes to shit after people label things."

He looked at me. "I thought you liked me," he said.

"I do," I told him.

"Then what's the problem?"

"I told you, I just don't like labels."

He wanted to say something, but all he said was: "Sometimes I just don't get you, Emma."