I didn't know what Jay had meant by that comment. Sometimes he didn't get me? I thought he was the only one who did get me. I thought he cared. I kept trying to tell myself that he didn't, but I knew he did. He dumped Alex for me. He defended me. He had sex with me. But that didn't mean anything to him. It was stupid to think that it had.
I needed to get away from Jay. I knew that. But I couldn't get away from him. He was intensely attractive, not just in appearance, but in attitude, too. Especially attitude. It was horrible, my attraction for his destructive magnetism.
"Do you have a condom?" I asked him, pulling my mouth away from his. We were in the backseat of his car. We had found a small back road to pull on to after I had asked him if he wanted me to make him feel better.
"What?" he asked. "We've never used one before." He started to pull my pants off.
"I'm serious, Jay, we need to be careful," I told him. "I don't want to end up like Manny."
Jay sighed. "I might have one in here somewhere." He searched in the dash compartment for a while. "Here, finally," he said, climbing back into the back seat with me.
"Thanks," I said.
Again, he wasn't gentle or kind. It was sex to him, and nothing more. I was sex to him. That was all. I decided that if it was going to be like that, I might as well enjoy it, so I got rough too. That made him finish faster.
"Wow," Jay said, sitting back against the seat. "That was amazing."
"Thanks," I said, pulling my clothes back on.
"You want to leave again? Just like that?"
I stopped. "Is there a problem with that?"
"No, it was great," he said.
"What's your problem?" I asked. "You're getting free sex without strings. Most guys would love to be in your situation."
He looked at me. "Most guys don't…forget it. You know, you're right. I'm glad you're easy." With that, he pulled his clothes on and climbed into the front seat and started the car.
I sat back there with my mouth hanging open. Easy? Had he just called me easy? I was pissed. But Jay was right. I was easy. "Yeah," I said. "I just hope you're clean this time."
He glared at me. "You had gonorrhea, too, Emma."
"Yeah and you gave it to me."
"You wanted it just as badly as I did."
I ignored him. "Just shut up and drive, Jay."
He pushed the gas pedal down really hard. The car started going faster. The speedometer climbed from 50, to 60 and then to 80 and then 90.
"Jay, you're scaring me."
He said nothing, his eyes fixed on the road.
That's when I saw it. The other car.
"Jay, stop!" I screamed.
He slammed on the breaks. I saw my world turn upside down and then everything went black.