A/N: Sorry it took so long for the update. For some reason, it seems like the only time I can write this story is when I'm in my business management class. Isn't that weird?

"I'm glad you came. I've wanted to talk to you. I've needed you," he said.

I sat next to him. "Why?"

"Because, you get me Cause Girl."

Did I really 'get' Jay the way he said I did? I wondered sometimes, if maybe he was trying to get close to me but the only way I would let him try was through sex. That wasn't how I'd intended it to be when I first started going back to the ravine. I'd just wanted to spend time with Jay—the only person who really saw the full affects of the shooting on me. I hadn't meant to have sex with him, or to find my comfort through sex. But maybe he hadn't wanted any of that either.

"Will you be at the Ravine tonight?"

"Maybe." I walked past him and then I stopped and turned back. "It's okay….if that is all you want, you know?"

His eyes narrowed.

"B—because, that's all I want, too," I lied. It's safer that way, I added silently.

He nodded. "Okay."

I needed to talk to him. To find out for sure if that's all he wanted. If it was all he wanted, then I could never see him again, if it wasn't then we could try to be together. Either way, I needed to know.

I found myself climbing out of my window and making the familiar walk to the Ravine, and back through it to the picnic table where Jay always sat.

But he wasn't there. I looked around for him, trying to find him. A horrible feeling sank into the pit of my stomach as I looked to the van.

"Where's Jay?" I asked a guy who had come to the picnic table for another beer.

The guy pointed to the van. "He's in there."

I walked up to the van, not wanting to open the door and see him with somebody else. I imagined how Alex had felt; taking the same walk I was taking a little over a month ago. Had these thoughts been running through her mind? The thoughts that wondered what he was doing and whom he was with and if he liked her more than me.

"Jay?" I asked, knocking on the door to the van. "Jay, are you in there?" I scolded myself for not leaving, for wanting to hurt myself by seeing another girl with him: a girl that didn't mind being held or going slow once in awhile.

The door slid open and Jay was in front of me. "Emma, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. I wanted to talk. Who…who are you with?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not with anybody. I wanted to be alone."

I felt a rush of relief and took the hand that he had offered to help me into the back of the van.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I need to know something. And it doesn't matter what your answer is, as long as it's an honest answer. You have to swear that you wont lie to me, because I need to know the truth."

"The truth about what?"

"About how you feel about me. Do you really like me, or do you just want to have sex?"

He was quiet for a long time. So long, in fact, that I thought about getting out the van and running. "No, that's not all I want," he said. His voice was quiet, almost forced. I couldn't see his face, and for a second I entertained the thought that he might have been crying, but I didn't think that was likely. This was Jay we're talking about.

I didn't know what to say. That wasn't the answer I had been preparing for. "I need some time, Jay. I want to be with you, but…it's just not a good idea right now."

"Why isn't it?"

"I need to heal. I need be able to feel something. I need to be able to care. That ability is just now starting to come back. I think I need some time to be by myself, to work things out. I'm no good for anybody the way I am right now." I touched the side of his face, and kissed him. I kissed him slowly, for the first time in a long time.

I left him in the van, sitting solemnly. When I got back to my house, my window was closed. I tried to push on it, but it was locked. I was caught. I would have to go in the front door. I prepared myself for the worst and walked through the front door, which had been left unlocked.

"Where were you?" the voice of my angry mother asked me.

"I was…taking a walk. I like the fresh air."

"That's dangerous, Emma, you could get hurt," Snake said.

"I didn't think of that, I guess," I said.

"This behavior has to stop, Emma. Why don't you talk to me? I'm your mother."

"There's nothing to talk about, Mom, I'm fine. I just went for a walk to clear my head."

"Go to your room and get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning."

I walked quickly to the basement door and opened it. I started down the stairs.

"Goodnight, Emma," mom called. I turned to call out to her, but I twisted my ankle and I fell. That's the last thing I remember.

I woke up to the face of the same emergency room doctor I had seen after the car accident.

"Back again?" he asked me, making a note on his clipboard.

"Not on purpose. What happened?" I asked. I felt a knot on my head and my whole body was sore.

"You fell down the steps to your basement," he told me. "You're parents will be in here for a second. Your dad went to get your mom some food and your mom is speaking with the nurse."

"Am I okay?" I asked.

"You are," he said. "I'm sorry, Emma, but you lost the baby."

I almost choked. "What baby?" I asked. "There must be a mistake... I wasn't pregnant. What baby?"

"I'm sorry, Emma, I didn't realize that you didn't know. You were three and a half weeks pregnant."

"Do my parents know?"

"Yes," he said.

I'd been pregnant. I had been carrying a baby. A life. For three and a half weeks.

"Oh, honey," Mom said, rushing to my side. "I am so sorry."

I couldn't say anything. All I could do was cry in my mothers' arms.