She's in my heart and in my head, and she'll not vanish. She has become a skeleton in my closet that I cannot sweep away, the devil in my chest that cannot be exorcised. I think of her constantly and my life has rapidly fallen into disarray. I wonder if she knows this. Knew this. Before it happened, I mean. I rarely think of her pleasantly now. More often than not I can only think of her in those last moments.

I wish to look for her. I know I cannot. She would not forgive me so easily if I went after her. This was her decision. Who would I be to try and force her into something else? I honour her wishes, though it is not what I long for. I long for her, I do. Her eyes, especially. Orbs of pure innocence and beauty. The look of love; lust. The memory of her eyes is swiftly fading from mind. Floating on the southerly breeze like a butterfly, determined to escape.

I suppose that fact is not the worst thing. If I can no longer remember her eyes, perhaps forgetting her altogether would be easier. I am only kidding myself. I know it will not. Desperation laces my every decision, my every action, my every word. I wonder what if I would be strong enough to end it all... No. That is a far too easy route. Better that I suffer within my pain and hope for something better in the end.

That reluctance to live has made me.. somewhat reckless. I cast out upon the open sea with a fervour I have never felt before. I will reach the ends of the earth searching for healing, and if I do not find it...

I am without her and I am therefore lost.

--------------

Thanks to Sands-agent, Jaffa Fairy, Sentinel Sparrow, Jaqueline Sparrow, Sally Skellington, Miss Sunkist, The Keepers, and LittleCountryDragon for the reviews. You encouraged me to write another chapter type thing...

:) Hope you like.

-Abbie