A/N: Quick Oneshot that explores the aftermath of Leliana's 'Loyalty Mission' in DAI, which I felt could be pushed a bit further. Leliana is softened, and the Inquisitor is a 30/70 mix of the Paragon and Funny choices (up and middle).

More detail about this in the ending AN. Enjoy!

Leliana threw a sealed envelope to the floor with a careless flick of her wrist. The letter danced in the air with the gentle breeze that traversed the tower, waving like a pendulum before gently settling atop the now sizable pile of scrapped paper and unsent drafts that were lying on the cold stony ground. Slowly bringing her fingers to rub her eyes, she released a quick breath.

Victoire had shown some utility in providing the Inquisition with the intel about the strikes that were planned against a few other grand clerics by Corypheus' forces; but responding to her vassals' messages was still a task that took entire afternoons' worth of migraines to figure out.

"Better that than having to deal with angry mobs of the delirious faithful," she reasoned aloud.

The air at her feet shimmered, and a spy who wasn't there a moment ago suddenly was.

"Spymaster," he began, keeping himself low in greeting. "The followers' of Grand Cleric Victoire have agreed to give their support to our cause. Dame Montilyet received an official missive stating that every single Chantry north-east of Denerim is rallying under the Inquisition's banner."

Leliana nodded appreciatively. "Thank you, Julien. I see that Natalie remembered how to be a bard," she cheerfully said.

"It was stated that her intervention had been, hum, persuasive."

"I hope she was," Leliana added with a small smile. "Has he been informed?"

"No, my lady. Madame Ambassador wanted me to tell you first. She said she was pleased with the restraint you showed in Valence."

"I'm sure she is absolutely delighted. 'Niceness before knives, Leliana. Haven't I always told you?' " she said with a small smile and a shake of her head. "On the subject at hand, please do not tell the Inquisitor for now. I wish to handle it myself."

He'll come to gloat anyway if he ever learns it from someone else…

"What do you want to tell me?" a deep voice asked from the middle of the staircase.

A man emerged from the depths of the tower, climbing the last stairs with his hands closely tied in his back. Of a sturdy build, one would assume he was a warrior at first glance. Noticing the bladeless sword that dangled on his belt at all times would make them understand he was a peculiar type of mage.

And of course, he shows up now.

Leliana rolled her eyes, though she beamed a smile at the newcomer's triumphant grin. His outfit was clean of the blood and mud it had amassed after his last escapade through the Hinterlands – a full week, she always wondered how he could do it – and his dark brown beard and hair were now a lot less disheveled.

"Milord Inquisitor Trevelyan. A surprise to see you up here. You are dismissed, Julien."

The spy gave a crisp salute and rapidly bowed to the man that had just entered the cellar. The air vibrated once more, and he disappeared just as swiftly as he had appeared, leaving no indication that he had even stood there – not even the dust under his feet had been disturbed.

Leliana brought her gaze to the Inquisitor. "What can I do for His Lordship by this fresh afternoon?" she asked with her most dignified demeanor.

The man arched an eyebrow but kept his easy smile. "So, that's what you're going for? Orlesian noble? I was going to say it doesn't suit you, but truthfully it suits you so much it's a bit scary."

"Of course, I could not be any less formal when the Inquisitor in person deigns to show himself in my humble quarters."

His shoulders slumped down slightly as he crossed his arms. "Leliana…We talked about the whole Inquisitor thingy…" he said, a playful glint in his almost black irises.

"All right, all right, I was just trying to see if you'd catch the bait."

"Throw Halamshiral Leliana out the window and give me back Normal Leliana, please."

She gave him a sharp bob of the head – more than a nod, but less than a bow. He'd been adamant she dropped the formalities whenever there weren't Inquisition people around, but she still wished to maintain at least a semblance of protocol. She had done that even with Justinia herself – she couldn't bring herself to forgo the few rules she could always respect.

"Of course, Cervas."

Now that Julien wasn't here anymore, she could relax her neck and her shoulders. Her gaze softened just a tiny bit and she joined her fingers.

"Better," Cervas said with a satisfied shrug. "So, now that that's out of the way. What is it you want to talk to me about?"

"Umm."

Just get this over with.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Leliana resigned herself - there was no escape. She picked a random letter up from the desk and pretended to read what she already knew. "Well, it seems…It was a huge gamble, but it seems that saving Natalie was the correct move. We're gathering support from a few more Chantries."

She quickly glanced up at Cervas. His grin was even larger than she thought it'd be. His white teeth were all exposed, and it honestly made him look a bit silly. She slightly bit her lip to suppress her own beam; his stupid smile was making her smile. And if she smiled, he was going to stupidly grin even longer. And then…

Oh, Maker. I'm not going to hear the end of this, am I?

"Oh, the joys of social activities!" Cervas said in his usual upbeat tone. "Don't kill someone and they may feel grateful enough to become your friend!"

"As I was saying," Leliana tried to regain some seriousness with a cough. She lightly bobbed her head. "It was a gamble, but it still paid off. I must admit it was a good job. And we have you to than-"

"Don't you finish that sentence," Cervas interrupted. She leveled a curious gaze at him – he was still smiling, but this one was softer, truer. " I know where you're going, and don't you dare. Don't say you had nothing to do with it."

Oh. Have I become this sloppy?

Cervas had always been good at reading people, but she'd thought herself immune to his talents – as well as anyone else's.

"Didn't I? This is like what happened with Butler," she explained. "If you hadn't been there, I would have ordered his death…"

"Yet, you didn't."

"Because of you. In Valence, I would have killed Natalie and called it a good thing. I would have told myself something along the lines of 'Justinia never objected, so this is what you have to do'. Correction: I did tell myself exactly that and didn't act on it because you didn't let me. How is that not you?"

Cervas took a single step forward, his eyes caring but hardened. "Did you have to listen to me?"

"What? What does that mean?"

"Did. You. Absolutely have. To listen. To me?"

What kind of question is that?

"Well, of course, I did! I'm – It was – We had to…" Leliana stopped for a moment, letting the torrent in her mind wash away. "You're the Inquisitor?" she finished, though she perceived her own incertitude in her voice.

Cervas lifted his eyebrows – 'really?' was what his eyes were conveying.

"Did I ever give the impression I was heavy on orders?" he said with a half-grin. He knew where he was going.

"Not really…"

"I gave you an option. Something I think you didn't consider at first. I remember how you looked at me the first time I suggested it – like I was a madman. Like I was saying that a tornado shaped tear in the sky suddenly burst out and started spitting demons all over Thedas."

"That does sound ridiculous…"

"Meh, I've seen worse. You should have been there when a guy told Varric and me that his ram offered advice on how to water the crops. I just gave up after that…" They shared a quick laugh that strangely lifted a tremendous amount of weight off Leliana's shoulders. Cervas always had that effect on her – it was something she'd never felt since the Hero had accomplished her last mission in Denerim. "But still," he continued. "As soon as you knew there was something else you could do, something else you wished you could do, you chose it. Every time. I never forced anything on you, I had nothing to do with your last choice."

Leliana kept her eyes locked onto his. His gaze was unflinching, dark and intense. His pupils were dilated, but he was focused, alert. This was important to him. And weirdly, that made it important to her.

"You feel very strongly about this, don't you?" she said with a sly smile, throwing a little reminder of their first true dispute among the Inquisition in that tent, so, so long ago.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't."

Now that she thought about it, he wasn't completely wrong. Ever since the day he had barged in her tent to intervene on her decision to kill off Butler, Cervas had gone out of his way to make sure she didn't lose hers. The entire Inquisition owed him so much: the Sacred Ashes, Haven, Skyhold, the Adamant… Much like Cassandra or Cullen, he was a fixed point, a roc that never budged and always extended a hand. Only, he had the entire organization looking up to him.

Maybe he wasn't His Prophet. Maybe he wasn't the Chosen Herald of Andraste. She never really thought he could be anyway – and apparently neither did he – but one never became a leader because he deserved it. A leader always rose by virtue of circumstances and deserved it later.

Her mind went back to the holy trinity of burly combatants that had made the Inquisition's forces what they were.

The three divine Cs, she thought with a suppressed chuckle.

"What are you laughing at?" Cervas asked incredulously.

"Just you," she answered.

"Um. I'm h-happy you find me funny," he said with an unsure smile. "Is it – Is it something I said?"

Here comes the stuttering again.

As a trained Orlesian bard, she was very well-versed in discerning blossoming feelings, especially when they were directed towards her. Part of the job description, she always told Josephine, who would then proceed to heavily shake her shoulder to get Leliana to teach her how to recognize them.

Cervas, on the other hand, was good at reading, not so much at hiding. Perhaps the latter caused the former? Nonetheless, she had understood in their first days working together why he stuttered whenever she was near him.

"No, don't worry. You're fine," she reassured him.

"Oh, now I'm fine."

Leliana brought a finger to her chin. "Though I'll agree that seems a bit too sage for you, you do look a bit young. How old are you again?"

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You mean to say my spymaster doesn't know my age?"

"It was a rhetorical question."

"You know that the Canticles prohibit making fun of someone two-years younger?"

"Really now? Where does it say that?" she asked.

"Just under the part where it says you shouldn't wear black trousers on Fridays."

This time Leliana couldn't contain an honest laugh. She reflexively brought her hand in front of her mouth – a vestige of her upbringing in Orlais. She caught through her squinted eyes his tender gaze on her for a few moments before it vanished in a panicked snap to the side when she opened them fully again. She slowly brought her hands up and lowered her hood, feeling the cold and misty air of the tower around her face.

"There is always a choice," Leliana pensively said. She walked forward, past Cervas and near the railing on the floor's limit. She leaned on the edge and let out a satisfied sigh. "Mercy is not a weakness. I am more than this. More than what Justinia made me. That's what she wanted me to see."

Cervas joined her promptly, leaning at her right, and stared down as well. Solas was – as always – sipping through his cup of tea while reading a heavy-looking book. Dorian was doing the same – minus the tea, he always was more of a whisky-and-ale-in-the-same-mug type of guy.

"You're better than her," Cervas said in his low, soothing voice. "You're better than everything she could have hoped to become."

Leliana chuckled again. "Let's not get crazy."

"I honestly think you are. But, do you… Do you resent her, for what she made you do?"

That was a good question. Leliana was a person of instinct at her core. She forced herself to think everything through because not doing that gets people killed, but to that question, she could reply honestly on the get-go.

"No. I know she didn't mean any harm. Her intentions were pure the way I see it. She gave her life for the noblest ideal there is: peace. She was a messenger. Someone I called a mentor, a guide, a friend. I couldn't resent her. Not today, not in a thousand years."

"Well, at least she couldn't fathom how much power you hold in your grasp now."

Leliana gave Cervas a playful push with her shoulder. "Says the guy with a left hand that can open and close portals to the Fade at will?"

He laughed his deep laugh, the one that resonated with the walls and made her shudder. "We are a strange pair of Left Hands, aren't we?"

"That we are. But, you're right. And now, thanks to you…" She tried trying her luck for a second, but this time he gave her a push back. "I know how to wield it wisely. Before Bard, Left Hand or Spymaster, I was Leliana. That's who I am. I want to keep that box as a reminder of that and who I almost became."

I am Leliana.

That was her. The name was her history, her being summarized. She'd never forsake that.

The memories rushed back.

Leliana saw the Hero's gentle smile as she entered the inn. She saw her earnest laugh when she understood that a bard doesn't only sing. She saw Alistair and Morrigan bickering like they always did. She saw Oghren muttering under his breath as they reached Orzammar, with Sten and Zevran arguing over who had the best kill in the last battle. She saw Marjolaine leave like the defeated dog she was, and the Hero's hand on her shoulders. She saw her friend, her best friend, plant her sword in the dragon's neck and give her, the group and the world her smile and her life. Her passing hit her almost as hard as it did Alistair. She saw her own tears, and the Divine's hand wipe them away. She saw Cassandra's unapologetic confidence and she wondered if she could one day have her strength. She saw Josephine's expert play at the Game, and she laughed for a moment. She saw the letter; the mages were in an uproar. She saw Justinia one last time before the green fire engulfed her.

Her vision blurred. The tears were still there. "I am Leliana," she said out loud, her voice shaking noticeably. The hand was still wiping her right cheek gently. Not the Divine this time. His hand.

She leaned into his touch before slowly pulling away. "I'm sorry," she uttered, but she still put grateful and gentle fingers over his. "This is just a–"

"A moment of weakness?" Cervas finished. "And you regret that you even let me see you like this?"

Leliana scoffed. "Heh. Something like that."

"Well, I don't," he said. She lifted her eyes to his face. He was being serious, his intense raven gaze not leaving hers. "I don't regret it at all. Truly, Leliana."

The name didn't hurt as much any longer.

"I know you don't. You never do." She wiped her remaining tears away, leaving humid trails on her face. "I almost lost myself, and you helped find my way back. Thank you."

"Anytime," he responded, his face adorning his more familiar grin now, though it looked strangely morose to her eyes. "I know how important all of this is to you, of all people. I got a taste of what happens if we fail."

Oh. Redcliffe.

He never talked about what happened out there. Neither did Cassandra, Varric or Dorian. Magister Alexius had used time magic, and she'd been involved herself – that was the extent of what he told her. But the few times she'd tried to bring the subject up, Cervas had dodged the questions in an expert manner that was unusual for the man: he had the reputation of disclosing every single detail of his missions to whoever had the patience to endure his long and monotonous talking sessions. She had to hear the full story from Cassandra herself.

"It was hard on you, wasn't it?"

"Not on me, no," he said with his eyes fixed on the wall ahead. "Were you told what happened? To you?"

"Most of it. I know I was there, and that I… I didn't make it."

His shoulders and his breath sunk. "You didn't make it," he repeated as if he still had trouble believing it. "You gave your life for us without a second thought."

"Of course. I would have thought little of myself otherwise."

That much was true. She prided herself in her dedication to the cause. Any less than giving her life for it would have disappointed her in such a situation – she owed both the Divine and the Hero as much.

Cervas didn't seem to agree, however. His narrowed eyes were hard, cold, steely. She only saw them like that once before, in front of Corypheus at Haven. They were frankly scaring her a bit, driving shivers up her spine.

"When you were about to go…" Cervas started as he lightly shook his head. "I saw your eyes. I know the looks of people who are about to die. They can be proud, terrified, anxious, surprised, and everything in between. But your eyes…Your eyes, they were relieved. You were waiting for it. That day I knew just how much I had failed you. All of you. If it wasn't for Dorian, that would have been my reality. And you know what your last words were to me?"

Leliana nervously gulped. "I can't really speak for my future–"

"You have as much time as I have arrows."

The weight of his burden descended upon her like lightning. The Inquisitor, of all people, would feel the time that passed more keenly than anyone else.

"Replace 'arrow' with 'people', and what do we have?" Cervas clenched his fist in visible frustration. "Every single second I don't stray closer to Corypheus, how many of our men and women die? How many of our children are turned orphans? How many families will we have to tell their sons and daughters are not coming home?"

Leliana instinctively let her right hand cover his closed and tensed knuckles. His head snapped to her, his gaze anxious and tight.

"We are doing everything we can. You are doing everything you can," she assessed calmly. "I won't let you blame yourself for this. This is on Corypheus, no one else. And you know who told me that? You know who told we knew who to blame?"

Cervas' eyes slightly lit up. He stared at the floor for a few moments before answering. "A dashing savior of Man with the most beautiful beard to ever graze this plane?"

"Don't get cocky," Leliana half-seriously warned with squinted eyes.

The Inquisitor scoffed lightly. His eyes turned melancholic once again, but his voice had picked up its usual zest. "I won't let him take you away again."

"I'm not going anywhere. Not after all we've been through. I just know now that I shouldn't ignore my ideals. You talk about this to someone?"

"Not really? I didn't plan to tell you, actually. It was more of a heat-of-the-moment thing. It does weigh a bit on the heart, to keep this concealed. But it feels nice to let it out."

"I see." Leliana let a few moments pass by. "But speaking of concealing," she started with a mischievous raise of her eyebrows. "When were you going to tell me, by the way?"

He seemed confused at first. "What? What are you talking about? Tell you what?"

She tilted her head down, her eyes still meeting his. His stare slowly began to tell her that he was understanding what she was implying, and his blush was becoming more and more noticeable. This time her surprise was genuine. "Did you seriously think I wouldn't notice?"

This is a grown man. How? How did he not see that?

Cervas stuttered again. "I – It wasn't really my… Um. I don't–"

"Cervas. You mean to tell me that, knowing I spent most of my working life in parties where everyone had a mask, you seriously thought I wouldn't notice?"

The abashed man seemed to think over his next words. He let his dejected gaze fall to the ground. "I do, I do," he conceded. "I know you know."

"The opposite would have scared me," Leliana said with a laugh. "Why say nothing? Too coy?"

"No," Cervas said. He sighed heavily. "It really didn't look like the right time. I thought, with everything that's happening, after the Temple, Haven, Skyhold… You had other things to worry about. I cannot deny how I feel, that's a given. But I refuse to let those same feelings interfere with your grief or your duty. It didn't seem right."

Leliana had had very few experiences of 'stomach butterflies' in her life, but she could safely say this was one of them. She gently squeezed his hand with hers. "That was thoughtful," she said. "And you're right, this may not be the best time." She could feel his heart sinking through the little twitches in his fingers, but he still maintained his exterior jovial demeanor.

Leliana examined the face of the man destined to seal The Breach and smite Corypheus. His kind but now shy eyes, his pursed lips, the unusual crimson tint of his cheeks. The man who had given his entire being to the cause without being asked, the single man who had been able to make her heart skip a beat on repeated occasions. The man who made her laugh, cry and find herself again all in between noon and supper.

The Anchor was a lot more than a simple mark on his hand, and it captured well who that man was to the world. An anchor.

Mon ancre.

She delicately raised the back of her hand and brushed the side of his face as tears welled up in her eyes. "This is not the time…" she whispered more to herself than to him.

He covered her right hand with his much bigger left one, letting its warmth seep into her by every pore.

"Je peux vous attendre," Cervas said.

She already knew that he spoke Orlesian. Truth be told, there wasn't a lot that she didn't know about him. Being a noble from the Free Marches – a mage, no less – must have allowed access to so much knowledge that his time in the Circle must have gone by in a flash. But she couldn't shake the idea that his sentence had come from somewhere else; that he had learned the entire language just for her to hear it. She knew he'd be capable of doing that. And that's what made her heart long for him so much, her soul ache as she envisioned what could be at his side.

Leliana perched herself on her toes, bringing her face closer to his. She could feel his breathing on her cheek, dancing away as it lifted her red locks. She felt his gaze on her, and it only made her want him more. She brought her lips to his in a soft movement, a simple graze at first. She felt her body come closer to his almost by instinct and she suppressed a feeble moan.

His hands went to the small of her back, closing the last inches between them. At the same time, her own flew to his neck, gently caressing his hair. They stared into each other's souls for a second before they both closed their eyes and leaned into the kiss.

She kissed him like she wanted to be kissed, like no one had ever kissed her, soft and moist and hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment. The heat rose in her cheeks as her tongue touched his tongue, quick and electric and delicious, then firmer, more determined, more curious about the heat that lay within, seeking to chase down that elusive lightning that surged through her. The moment seemed to last for one split second and an entire life.

Leliana pulled away, her cheeks burning and her head twirling. "I – I don't…" Her first words were confused, lost as to what had just happened.

He didn't look any better. "That was…"

Their glances crossing again, they both giggled their anxiousness away. "That was great!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

Leliana took a step back, letting her fingers linger just a tiny bit on his cheek. She threw him the most tender look she could. "Still –"

"I know, I know," Cervas interrupted. "I meant it. I'll wait. We have an apocalypse to deal with first."

The Bard, the Left Hand and the Spymaster rejoiced together, but none were more elated than Leliana. "Attends-moi, main gauche."

He gave her a nod that sent shudders down her back. A nod not from Cervas, but from the Inquisitor. It was more than a nod: it was a promise. That he'd come back.

He disappeared down the stairs after he composed himself as much as he could, and she warned him not to tell Josephine any of it. Her schedule was packed enough that she didn't want to deal with a squealing Ambassador on top of it.

As she sat on her desk to get back to her correspondence with a content smile, she caught the little excerpt from the Canticle of Threnodis that was displayed on every single of her official letters and beamed at how it now illuminated her day.

In your heart shall burn an unquenchable flame.

Valence had proven quite the lucrative expedition after all.

Glossary: Ce qui se passe à Valence = What happens in Valence...

Mon ancre = My anchor

Je peux vous attendre = I can wait for you

Attends-moi, main gauche = Wait for me, left hand

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

This is one little project that was very important to me, and I don't really know how I feel about the fact that I could make it thanks to the virus but meh, it's out now.

My Inky is a Human KE if you couldn't tell, and Leliana here is probably the biggest waisted romance potential I understood couldn't be tapped into. Such a shame, but allowing her romance in DA:I would have created so many other problems -with DA:O saves and all- that I'm okay with it not being added. Also, there's Cassandra and Cullen, so yeah.

I enjoyed it very much and now I can go back to my other stories!

See you in other galaxies,

Peace,

CalAm.