Cervas smiled to himself as he climbed out of his saddle under the Orlesians' warm welcomes and the Fereldans' furrowed brows. The Inquisition's gleaming banners riding through the gigantic corridor of marble and golden pillars while the shadows of towering flags undulated above them had exhausted the little restraint he could exert over himself. Though he was perfectly aware it was but a frivolous attempt to stroke their ego and lower their guard, his people were being acclaimed as heroes, as they should.
He checked on the two silhouettes at his sides. Josephine looked at ease, like she always was whenever some kind of nobility was involved. She still patiently extended hellos and greeting nods left and right with a polite smile, her hand waving courteously. Cullen looked stern, stoic. His gaze firmly stuck in front of him, he made sure not to look anyone in the eyes.
"Lighten up, Commander. They can smell fear," Cervas teased.
"If only they could use that to challenge me to a duel, we'd have at least some semblance of fun," Cullen replied between gritted teeth. "But no. Just another parade, another bloody negotiation."
"Hold onto your smiles gentlemen," Josephine gently advised. "Presentation is key today."
The three left their horses to the satin-wearing grooms and marched on, towards the stairs, towards the lion's mouth.
The Winter Palace.
Place of many mysteries, silent machinations, deathly dances, and fond memories.
Cervas let his eyes wander the twists and turns of its elaborate structure once more—the contrasting surfaces on the crenellations, the multitude of curves dipping in and out of each other and into gilded statuaries in a continuous flow, a single movement of a golden river. It appeared grand, dramatic, anchored to the core of the very ground they stepped on, and yet it did little justice to the events it housed.
Even after two years, one of Cervas' most exhilarating memories of the Inquisition was the failed attempt on Celene's life. He still couldn't exactly tell what had scared his advisors the most that night: his insistence on amassing halla statues, or his surprise dance with Grand Duchesse Florianne. Fortunately for Thedas—and his personal integrity—the soiree had seen the unforeseen conclude its festivities thanks to the three-way peace brokered by an elven locket, some poor naked bloke stuck to a bed and a lucky coin toss.
Orlesians… Cervas thought with a mental chuckle.
He still vividly recalled his own hand hovering over the still-blank page of his mission report after they'd gotten back home, trying to come up with a sensible way of transcribing the events of that ball; the hour-long session of profound meditation had yielded only one sentence.
'Whatever it was, it was probably a good one,' had he written before stashing his quill.
And now the majestic building was home to another continent-wide conclave.
The Exalted Council had caused quite the buzz. Chevaliers and dukes scurried on their balconies, shimmying themselves on their spot with fake excitement, while banns and arls scowled and frowned, their harsh whispers teeming with genuine hostility. The Inquisition's leaders stepped into the yard-shaped parlor and spent what felt like hours to Cervas mingling with an impressive crowd of similar masks and speeches, angry glares and spiritless Sisters who clearly disliked having to play mediators but stuck nonetheless to what probably were their high orders. Orlesians sung their accomplishments as eagerly as Fereldans shot them down while the Chantry watched in disinterest.
Nothing new under the sun, then…
There was one Chantry member Cervas wished dearly to see, however. One Chantry member who had not shown herself for quite some time to the summit she had summoned herself. He had taken every single moment of respite to sweep the garden grounds, hoping to glimpse her.
"Looking for someone?" Cullen asked, his voice dropped to an amused murmur.
"I'm afraid my visit here is very… motivated, Commander," Cervas replied, his eyes still jumping from one robe to another. "I like these fancy fellows enough, but I'm pretty interested in a specific Orlesian la—"
He interrupted his own sentence with a sharp inhale.
There she was, on a suspended garden above the water canals. Cervas' heart leaped to his throat and almost made him jump along with it. Josephine had obviously noticed if he was to trust her playful elbow nudge.
"We greeted most we should. Please, go ahead, milord," she whispered with a wink.
"You sure I can go?" he murmured back, his glance returning to where a white-clad Divine was standing, facing the Arl of Redcliffe and away from him.
"Just don't talk too much to the Arl," Josephine answered, her brows creasing a little in anticipated worry. "Until we at least get inside?"
Cervas merely nodded and she nudged him once again, this time with just enough momentum to force one of his feet forward. The other followed, and soon enough, Cervas found himself standing behind her, coughing nervously into his hand to garner attention.
Leliana spun around, a sparkle in her eye and mock surprise on her face that had to be courtesy—there was no conceivable way she didn't know he'd come find her the first chance he'd get. Or maybe it was the dignitary in front her? She lightly bobbed her head nonetheless, her expression serene.
"Milord Inquisitor."
Cervas bowed low. "Your Holiness. Arl Teagan."
He couldn't afford to be perceived behaving normally with her and immediately be branded a rude brute or worse. Not in front of half of Thedas' aristocrats.
The Arl extended a hand and an easy smile. Cervas accepted the handshake, quite a bit lost as to why the person he'd been told wished the Inquisition gone the most looked friendly.
"Before anything else, you have my sincerest thanks," Teagan said, and he seemed sincere. "I know more than most how much we owe the Inquisition. I do not enjoy what must come, be aware of that, Ser Trevelyan."
Cervas sympathized. Politics were never simple, as Josephine and Sera constantly reminded him, each in her own way.
"Of course. I presume we'll have to wait and see where these talks lead us. In the meanwhile, I… had hoped to stea—"
The Arl raised a hand. "I can read a room, Inquisitor. Or a spa garden, more accurately. I was barely an annoyance before anyway, as it appeared."
"Oh please, Teagan," Leliana interrupted with a joking scoff. "I always make time for you."
He didn't react, tucked his hands behind his back and drew a quick nod towards them both.
"Your Perfection, please excuse me. I'll see you inside, Your Worship."
Then he strolled away.
"He was just being polite," Leliana said after a few moments of silence, her smile dropping. "Ferelden wants to tear the Inquisition down."
Cervas shrugged. "Of course, they do. Who doesn't want to, these days? Fashion."
Their gazes crossed and locked. Leliana's neutral expression turned into the shining beam he had missed so very much. She lightly pivoted, her robe gliding with her, and gestured with her hand to the back of the lush gardens.
"Walk with me. My guards will leave us alone." The four spearmen who had been silently standing in the corners of the small alcove were already halfway towards her when they stopped dead in their tracks and exchanged curious frowns. "Alone,"Leliana insisted. "Please?"
She walked away before they'd even acknowledged her demand and Cervas followed her in silence until they were out of earshot.
"You can… You can just go waltz on your own?" he asked when they stopped, hidden between a verdant bosquet and an altar of hewn silverite and dawnstone.
"Not usually, but those four are fond of me enough. And I'm with the Inquisitor today," she answered, not looking half as sorry as he thought she would.
They stayed silent then, watching the crowd in the underpass below them streaming up to the castle's main grounds. Or at least that's what it looked like to Cervas. Despite his best efforts, his entire being was focused on the woman leaning on the stone at his side. He watched her as she breathed, as she eyed her Council, the Palace. He concentrated on her fingers, folded neatly over the railing; on the little red streak peeking out of her helm, dancing happily under the light wind; on her blue eyes, twinkling with a vitality he had come to love, but still very visibly burdened.
He lowered his head, leveled his glance to her face and decided to break the—albeit very comfortable—silence.
"How have you been doing for the last eight months, Divine Victoria?"
"Please don't," she replied while meeting his gaze with a playful air about her and a quick shake of her head. "Not you. Not when we're alone. It would be nice to just be 'Leliana' again for a few days. I feel I haven't heard anyone say that name in ages."
Cervas smirked. "As you command, Most Holy."
Leliana sighed and slowly shut her eyelids. "I don't know what I was expecting."
"You're always disappointed whatever I do," he said, still surprised but very much happy that she let herself take the bait. "Might as well make it fun."
"Mantra of the Inquisitor. 'If I must do it, at least I'll be laughing all the while'."
"Hey, it worked for me," Cervas added with a cocky wink. "Corypheus didn't like the jokes so much, but you can't always have everything."
Leliana lightly shifted over her spot, leaning closer towards Cervas. "Cassandra was right. The records about you in the history books will be very confusing."
"What do you mean?"
She stood straighter and flicked open an imaginary register. " 'The Inquisitor battled endless waves of demons before walking home and pranking his chief diplomat with a water-filled bucket above her door' does sound contradictory to an extent."
"That was Sera…" She raised an eyebrow at him. "…'s idea. Maker, I don't think I'll ever be able to pull a single lie off with you."
Leliana smiled and her hand came up to tap at his cheek in a slow movement that left his skin both bare and burning.
"My nugs would have probably believed you, if that's any comfort."
Cervas tried to ignore his face flaming up so hot he was sure it could outshine the sun above it. "Speaking of, how are His subjects doing?"
She rolled her eyes. "Will you ever drop that?"
"By Andraste's pants, I'm not making it up! I met the King of the Nugs. Ask Varric."
After his return from the Deep Roads, Cervas had spent weeks trying to convince Leliana of his most peculiar discovery to date, one he knew would have had her excited. Unfortunately for him, she had quickly determined the story of the man judged by the nugs too wild to be believable.
"Varric's not exactly a reliable narrator," Leliana explained. "And no, nor are Bull and Dorian." Her shoulders dropped an inch while her eyes slowly drifted downward; the jolly expression she had displayed until then darkened slightly. "They're fine. We've had a few newborns some weeks ago. I'm told they're strong and healthy."
That last sentence had been anything but anodyne. Cervas' brows furrowed and he crossed his arms, incapable of keeping his rising worry from showing.
"Told? You're not tending to them yourself?"
"I don't have the leisure…" Leliana heaved one of those deep sighs that she only ever allowed him to witness, cleared her throat, and sprouted back into her cheerful demeanor way too quickly for Cervas to fall for it. "How has everyone been back at Skyhold?"
That was her less-subtle-than-usual way of redirecting the talking away from what she didn't want to discuss. Cervas still couldn't let go of how tired she'd sounded a few seconds before, but he indulged her for the time being.
"Those who stayed are coasting around, but there's not much to do these days. Why are you asking? Miss being my spymaster?"
Leliana took a step back to lean on the altar and lifted her gaze to the skies. Her robes meshed under her, the golden linings snaking down the uneven edge where stone met fabric.
"I mostly miss the people. I miss the talks with Josephine, late into the evening. The jabs we threw at Cullen sometimes. I miss the ruckus I'd overhear from above when you came back from an expedition."
The tender look of nostalgia she threw at the drifting clouds mesmerized Cervas. The two years of rare sightings and rarer one-on-ones had been hard, and now that she was in front of him, it was even harder for him to keep himself from wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he physically could.
"I get that," he answered with a quick nod. "I miss our Wicked Grace parties most, I think… A shame you could never join us."
Her eyes crossed his once more, their shiny blue just a bit more morose. "I wasn't exactly… in the mood, at the time."
"Right, sorry," Cervas realized aloud, his body slumping.
"But you did ask, back then. Thanks for that. And I got to judge the archery tournament…" she added, her smile turning into a suppressed laugh when she bit her lower lip. "Seeing you try so hard to impress me more than made up for it. So many targets were hit that day, weren't they?"
There was the bait on her hook. Thankfully, he had perceived it early enough to swerve past.
"I'm not opening that can of worms."
"Most obviously. You'd have to hit it first."
He had bitten the entire rod. He still had a lot to learn, but he couldn't keep himself from chuckling.
"That's a good one," he said as his last chortles died down. It was now impossible for him not to get closer, and she didn't seem to step back when he did. "I missed you, Leli."
"And I, you."
Even though her face radiated with the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, her right hand came to his chest and pushed with just enough pressure to communicate her message. Her gaze flew to her left then back to him; a silent plea for caution.
The guards she had handpicked and probably knew personally seeing her walk away with a man was one thing; getting caught in intimate proximity by any dignitary was another. Cervas understood and backed off the few inches he'd just bridged.
"Another thing I missed is the wine," Leliana resumed, her hand drifting back to her side, over the altar's edge. "The one here is more than good, but it lacks… something."
The mighty Inquisitor's curiosity as to what she was describing turned into sheepishness when he understood the matter she was raising. Hopefully she wouldn't see it.
"Cervas...?"
She had seen it. Hopefully, he wouldn't appear half as guilty as he thou—
"What does that look mean? What did you put in my wine?"
He really had a lot to learn. He shook his head as innocently as he could muster.
"I didn't put anything."
She crossed her arms and faced him completely, an eyebrow arched. "I'm sensing a silent but there. You know something."
"…but I might know why it tasted different," he finally admitted as his finger scratched his cheek.
"And it tasted different becaaaaause…?"
"Probably because Cole used to drop a hint of honey inside." He scratched harder, avoiding her eyes. "I may have given him the idea. And not really tried to stop him. Or scold him. Or cut his honey supply."
Puzzled by the silence that followed, Cervas risked a look back. To his honest surprise, Leliana's smile hadn't disappeared. On the contrary, it now almost overflowed with quiet fondness; even the freckles near her nose seemed to follow her laugh lines. He fell in love with her all over again; the second time in the span of a few minutes.
Her shoulders sunk ever so slightly, and she turned towards the Palace, its reflected golden gleams dancing over the white of her robes.
"What I wouldn't give for that sweetness, right now."
That voice was back. He hated hearing it. Abhorred it so much it burned his insides just playing it in his mind.
"You sound tired." She merely shrugged in response. "Leli, you alright?"
"This is a lot more than I anticipated. The Sisters are not here to make my life easier." Leliana dropped her gaze even lower, seemingly refusing to meet his. "To be completely fair, I am pretty much rumbling their Chantry down from its core. I expected more resistance if I'm being honest."
Cervas understood quickly. "How many?"
"Three so far. But my spies always catch them before anything serious ever happens. They insisted I have a taster, but that'd just be another potential breach. I took my time choosing my cook, though."
"Only three over two years? That's actual—"
"Three today, dear."
Cervas clenched his jaw and tightened his fist in reflex. It was something he had always been prepared for, but seeing how it affected her now tied a knot in his stomach out of sheer anger.
"Leliana…"
"I can handle this, don't worry," she said with another half-hearted shrug. "I've had more threatening agents try to get to me when I prayed inside that tent in Haven."
Cervas wasn't amused in the slightest, no matter how adamantly she tried to downplay it.
"I don't like knowing you in danger."
"Is that right, Savior of the World?" she quipped, finally turning back to him. She visibly relaxed, the tension in her shoulders easing away. "I told you. Everything is under control. It was my job; I know how to do it well."
Cervas breathed deeply, his mind flying to her, to her struggles, to her Divinity. He drummed his fingers on his own coat, pondering her situation, if he could do something to help. Surely the Inquisition could guarantee her safety in some way?
She didn't seem to mind the silence and kept her eyes steadily on him, her head slightly tilting to the side as if she was discovering him for the very first time.
"Wrinkles are starting to show, chéri," Leliana said, her finger lifting gently to single out one of the traced lines on his forehead.
Cervas released a single snicker at her understatement. They were, indeed. He wasn't getting any younger, especially with how unkind the last two years had been to him.
"Good news is it's only downhill from here," he joked. "Enjoy this pretty face while you can."
"Don't worry, I've got mine too," she answered with a furtive giggle while pointing to her own forehead, where Cervas couldn't detect any imperfection on her skin.
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure we look the exact same."
They stood quietly for a bit. Now that the absolute joy of seeing her again allowed other feelings to shimmer through, there was a question he wished to ask her.
"What do you think will happen during this Council?" he said, leaning forward.
"I'm not sure," she admitted after a sigh.
"Let me rephrase that. What do you hope is going to happen?"
"You go first."
Cervas scoffed and rested an elbow where his hand had been a second before. "Well, that's original. And completely fair, of course."
"I want to hear your unfiltered opinion. If I say anything, you'll be influenced one way or another. I am still presiding the talks," she explained, her tone apologetic enough to make him know she meant it.
She was right, there was no going around it.
"I think... It's hard to admit but I think the Inquisition has done its job." He caught her releasing a quick breath he couldn't exactly identify. Was it relief? Anxiousness? "We stopped Corypheus. We closed the Breach. There's nothing for us to do now."
"That's…" She closed her eyes and put a hand over her chest. "…going to make what I say a lot easier. I agree. The Inquisition has to go."
Cervas smirked. Hook and bait. "Yeah. But maybe not right now."
Leliana's eyes shot open wide. "Did you… Did you just trick me?"
"Not really," he said with a rapid shake of his head. While he had jumped at the opportunity to tease her, there was a good reason for his position.
Leliana was a quick one, she'd catch it fast enough.
"Does it have to do with Solas?" she somberly asked.
"I… can't say. It's a gut feeling." That much was true. Ever since his disappearance, Solas had occupied quite a few sleepless nights' worth of disorganized trains of thought, but no concrete element had been able to explain his vanishing. "Did you hear anything about him?"
"Nothing noteworthy. Sorry, Cervas."
He couldn't suppress a breath of disappointment. He had hoped she'd learned something, but if Leliana with Divine privileges had not been enough, no one would ever find him unless he wished it so.
"Don't apologize. You have other things to worry about."
She nodded, then adorned a mischievous grin that intrigued Cervas.
"About those other things. I started easing that regulation change project into some minds… It's going well."
Cervas rummaged through his memory but couldn't pinpoint any such subject.
"I know that's kind of implied homework at this point, but you'll have to forgive me for not memorizing the Chantry Law by heart. Which one was it again?"
"You know which one…" she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
It only dawned on him then. "Oh. Oh."
"I promised you, didn't I?"
"And everyone is just fine with it?"
"I said it's going well, not that it's done. We can't make out in front of the Exalted Council quite yet."
Cervas snapped his fingers. "Aw, I was already getting so excited."
She stared blankly at him.
"Do keep me notified," Cervas added before she could say anything. "I'm very interested in the outcome of that particular law."
"How surprising."
The stairs descending to the makeshift strategic room seemed longer than the first times Leliana had had to climb them down. As she progressed, she tried to organize her thoughts as much as she could before addressing the Inquisitor; he was currently hunched over the maps of what he had explored through the eluvians thus far. Cullen and Josephine were already across the table, following his fingers as he indicated what probably were the precise locations of his bouts with the Qunari. The three leaders lifted their eyes towards her as soon as she reached them.
"I take it the news isn't exactly great?" Cervas said before she'd even opened her mouth.
She wasn't surprised that he could read her mood that easily anymore. His scowl was deeper than usual, his face gaunter than ever. Even his voice was devoid of the spark of mischief she'd always hear whenever he talked.
Leliana sighed and crossed her arms. "Gaatlok barrels in Denerim, Val Royeaux, Starkhaven, Kirkwall, Ostwick… Not a single major center has been left out."
Cervas closed his eyes and let his head fall, Josephine lifted a hand to her mouth in shock, and Cullen simply stared.
"One order away from destroying every noble house in the known world," he summarized, slowly shaking his head in realization.
"Warning the ambassadors will remind everyone of the Inquisition's value," Josephine tried to argue, her voice both hopeful and trembling.
"Not if it's the Inquisition's responsibility," Leliana and Cervas answered in unison, sharing a fleeting nod afterward.
"We're the leak," Cervas added immediately as he straightened up. "It has to be us. We've ruled out every single possibility… Besides this one."
Cullen gripped his sword's hilt tighter. When he spoke, it was in a low defeated tone Leliana wished she never had to hear.
"I thought the Qunari had spies inside the Palace. Is the Inquisition compromised as well?"
"I'm afraid so, Commander," Leliana confirmed.
"How did you find out?"
"The barrels at the Winter Palace were on the Inquisition's supply manifest."
Cullen's eyes widened in disbelief, and his right hand fell limply from where it had been resting until then.
"We can't even trust our own people, now."
"Do you know who put those blasted things in our manifest?" Cervas asked.
Leliana linked her hands in her back. "Elven workers of the Inquisition have gone missing. They had fled Kirkwall's madness before coming to us."
"Many of Kirkwall's elves found shelter in the Qun," Cullen reminisced aloud, his gaze lost in the room's corner. "They were trying to find a better life."
"And now they are spies," Josephine lamented. "Spies who harm people through us."
It broke Leliana's heart to see her dear friend affected by the events of the Qunari coup. As ambassador, Josephine had taken the brunt of the backlash the Inquisitor's repeated absences had caused, and to learn it was to defend a corrupt organization was a hard blow.
Cervas clenched his right fist over the table. For a second, Leliana thought he was about to slam it on the map, but he chose to let it fall gently on the polished birch instead.
"A few years ago, we acted all high and mighty with those poor mages for becoming corrupt. Then we did the same for the Grey Wardens." He scoffed, the bitterness in his words a venom he cast towards himself if she knew him well. "Look at us no—."
His sentence was cut off by a shot of green brilliance piercing the room's dim light, then by the booming sound of crackling lightning and his wail of agony. Cervas' left hand shot up while the rest of his body sunk to the ground in dolor.
Leliana, in a frenzied panic, dashed closer to him without a second thought. She tried to grab his shoulders to support him up only for an arc of the Anchor's glowing spike of energy to flare at her approaching hand and send a painful surge up her arm that made her reel back in reflex and send out a sharp cry. She was caught in Josephine's and Cullen's outstretched arms.
Cervas tried to latch to the table's edge and managed to silence his seemingly involuntary shouts. The green glow receded gradually; the muffled grunts were soon replaced by breathless pants.
Leliana hurried at his side then. He leaned into her when she grabbed his arm, a good part of his part weight transferring over. She helped him stand on his feet, and she could see that he was fighting very hard to stay conscious.
She channeled her years of training and tried not to sound half as distraught as she was.
"You need attention, Cervas. Now."
The load over her shoulders lightened when he stepped away from her.
"It can wait," he stated matter-of-factly.
"She's right, Inquisitor," Cullen called. "This looks serious."
"I know! You think I don't know that?!" Cervas almost shouted. "We save Ferelden and they're angry! We save Orlais and they're angry!" He closed his left hand and struck the table in fury. "We close the Breach twice, and my own hand wants to kill me!" Leliana had never dared to imagine Cervas lashing out in this fashion. The blaze in his eyes threatened to jump at her too. "You think I don't know that nothing in this FUCKING WORLD ever stays FIXED?!"
His fist struck again, harder this time, and left a visible mark on the wood under it. When he lifted it, Leliana caught the glimmering droplets of blood dripping out the side of his palm. His outburst left her and his advisors speechless.
"…But I need to get to the Darvaarad," he resumed, his voice and expression steeping from furious to focused. "Everything else we'll deal with once I'm…"
Gone.
Cervas had interrupted himself for a moment and sighed when he met Leliana's eyes. "…once I'm back."
The truer yet unspoken end of his sentence hung in the air, heavy, thick and unmistakable. Leliana could very well decipher what the guilty and broken look he threw her meant. And it only hit her then.
The man she fell in love with, the man she thought could never be angered, the man who always seemed bigger than the world, was about to die.
Josephine gave an audible gulp, her eyes glued to Cervas' left hand.
"Understood, Inquisitor. Would you… Would you like us to inform the Exalted Council of the danger?"
Cervas lifted a hand to his temple. When it fell back down, it revealed tired eyes and sunken cheeks; he seemed on the verge of collapsing from sheer exhaustion.
"Yes. If I… If we fail, they need to know what happened."
"I'll inform them personally," said Leliana in a vague attempt to calm herself and her friend down. "Your job is hard enough already, Ambassador. This is my responsibility."
Josephine silently nodded in gratitude, a faint glimmer starting to shine in the corners of her eyes, then made for the stairs with her head hung low.
Cullen stood closer to Cervas and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, my friend. I… had no idea."
"It's alright," Cervas answered without a single emotion.
The Commander turned to Leliana and shook his head. Sorrow didn't begin to describe the look he bore in that instant. He stepped away and started climbing towards the door as well.
Only Leliana remained now, and she didn't know what to do with herself beyond staring at Cervas' slumped silhouette, at how bruised his knuckles had become from hitting wood, or how pale his face had turned. Everything about him now made so much more sense; every single new discovery she made drove a white-hot needle in her heart until his voice snapped her out of her own mind.
"I know," he said. "I probably should have told you sooner."
Leliana couldn't bear hearing him talk that way. She took her Divine head cap off and was right in front of Cervas before she could register her feet had moved.
"How much time…?"
He grunted before responding. "I honestly have no idea. But it's getting worse."
She cupped his face and his right hand covered hers as he sealed his eyes in pain. To her shock, the heat she'd always feel seep into her whenever she'd touched him before was nowhere to be found.
That was the point that tipped her over. None of what had just happened was a bad dream, none of it was a hallucination. He was about to leave her. Her throat tied in a knot so tight she choked on her next words.
"What d-do we do?"
"I'm going to find those Qunari and try not to die before they do." He released a dry chuckle that sounded a lot harsher than any insult he could have thrown at himself. "And you…"
His gaze sought hers, and he stayed silent. But she could hear the sentence he couldn't speak.
Try to forget me.
She pressed her forehead against his, her eyes not leaving the amber-specked brown in his irises. "No."
"Mon cœur. We both know how this is probably going to end. How I'm going to end." His brows trembled harder with each of his words as if he didn't want them to be true either. "I don't think… I don't want our last moments together to be—"
"No!" she asserted louder this time, a fierce determination taking her over. "These are not our last moments together."
He wasn't going to shut up and she knew it, so she had to seal that mouth of his one way or another. One of those ways looked particularly relevant.
"Come on Leli, we don't have to—hmph."
Leliana's lips came crashing against his, lovingly, hungrily, desperately. She nudged his nose against his, trying as hard as she could to communicate just how much he meant to her. She pressed herself against his chest, lifted her fingers to caress his cheeks, then his nape and hair. She didn't care if anyone entered the room, saw the Divine kissing the Inquisitor. She didn't care about the Conclave, the Inquisition, Orlais, or Ferelden. She only focused on him.
No.
But he was so tired. And his mouth was so dry. And his arms so limp. She tried again, tears she didn't even notice she'd shed streaming down her face and sliding into her mouth when she stopped to catch her breath.
No.
This kiss was all giving. Like she was drawing something out of herself with soft little jabs of her chin. She was there. She'd always be there. She kissed harder.
No.
But he wasn't answering. Wasn't giving back. Wasn't responding to her. Was it all for nothing? Was it to end here? Was it truly her last moment with him?
No.
Her grip around him loosened slightly. Leliana let her lips lift away from his still inert mouth and refused to open her eyes. She stayed perched on her toes, an inch away from his face, his slow breathing highlighting just how humid her cheeks had become. She gritted her teeth and waited for something, anything. The tears continued to fall.
No…
Her lips now pursed held back a curse at the unfairness of his condition. At how unfair the world had been to him; to them both. At how the world always stripped away anything and everything she might have ever loved from her. First, Marjolaine. Then, Neria and Justinia. And finally, Cervas.
Why?
Leliana let a single sob out that almost scared her. It had been years since she'd cried last, her body had forgotten how to. Her hand lifted and covered her mouth. She sunk in her own sorrow, her own resentment. She was angry, bitter. But none of that mattered anymore.
When she finally dared to look, Cervas' stunned expression greeted her.
His eyes were wide, fixed on her. Before she could process the reason for his change in demeanor, he winced and closed the distance between them. His right hand lifted and cradled hers while his left enlaced her and brought her against him once again.
Leliana, both confused and stuporous, simply watched as he buried his face in her neck. Then she heard a single phrase.
"I'm sorry."
And that seemed to bring him back.
He brought her hand over his heart, stood taller to gaze upon her face, gently wiped her tears with his thumb. A smile slid across his face for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and he leaned over to capture her lips with his. They were softer now, still colder than usual but warm in intent. He sighed against her mouth, tickled her with his breaths.
He was giving back. It was finally a kiss that felt like home. Leliana returned it after a second of puzzlement, with a vigor she had not thought possible for her in that moment. They were lost in a bubble of space and time, lost in each other's touch. But time always had a way of reclaiming its space.
They separated, not nearly panting as much as usual, and they touched foreheads, her fingers laced around his wrists while he held her face between his hands.
"I'm sorry," Cervas whispered. "It's hard enough as it is."
"Don't you dare die," she murmured back, voice shaking. "Don't you dare."
He stroked her cheek tenderly with the back of his finger. "You know I can't promise that."
"I know," she answered, leaning into his touch, and trying as much as she could to keep her tears from pouring down again. "We can find a solution for you if you come back."
"Leli. You don't need to lie to me to make me try. Odds are against us, but I'll try. That's all I can do. There are other things than me I should worry about too."
"…I know."
There always were other things than himself to worry about.
"I have to go."
She didn't want to let go, and apparently neither did he. The way he held onto her could not lie. Nor could his eyes. But still, he needed to go.
"I know."
He kissed her again. "I'm yours, Leliana. Whatever happens, amongst all the uncertainties I've been through, that is one of the only certitudes I've ever had."
"I know." She forced a smile on her face and squeezed his wrists between her fingers a final time, a single tear rolling out her eye. "I'm yours too, Cervas."
They let each other go at last.
"I'll assemble your team," she said, sniffing. "They'll be up to speed before your expedition."
He nodded, a faint smile appearing on his face. "Also, please apologize to Cullen and Josie for me. That wasn't a very appropriate goodbye."
The Inquisitor bowed to her, and his gaze followed her when she reached for her hat and when she climbed up the stairs.
Leliana opened the door and threw one last look at her man not knowing whether she'd be able to turn away again. That same sad smile was still plastered on his face, but there was something else now and she couldn't exactly tell what. As easy as Cervas usually was to read, this once Leliana had no will to decipher his emotions.
She trailed on, her mind blank and empty.
He was there.
Seeing him barge into the Conclave and declare the Inquisition disbanded was a shock hard enough to fuel high society's scandal dinners for decades to come, but Leliana didn't care one bit about that. She didn't care that he'd just written entire pages of future history books with a single sentence. She didn't care that, if her spies' reports were accurate, another war far greater than any other was about to break—that would come later.
For now, she only cared about Cervas being alive.
He was propping himself up the railing on his only remaining elbow, turned away from the Winter Palace and its worries. Leliana blinked back her tears and addressed her guards.
"I'll need a moment alone with the Inquisitor," she said. "Could you please see to it that we're not disturbed?"
"Yes, Your Holiness," they answered in a simultaneous breath before assuming their watch at the top of the stairs leading to the small balcony, far enough not to unintentionally eavesdrop on their conversation.
Leliana thanked them and joined Cervas, her steps light and prompt despite the vicious claw around her entrails. She stopped a foot behind him, waiting for something—anything—to come out of her. She tried to speak a few words, but they died in her throat.
It was finally him who broke the quiet. "I guess I should listen to you more often."
Leliana breathed a sigh that evaporated all the anxiousness she'd built up. She closed the final inches between them, and her hand covered his over the smooth granite.
"You should, indeed. But, uh, 'It has been an honor'? That was way too tone-appropriate for you. I was half expecting a joke at the end."
His deep vibrating chuckles sent shivers up her spine. "I was tempted, honestly. Could have told them I'm just about to save their sorry arses again. Maybe even dropped Justinia's writ to the ground for dramatic effect."
"Of course. And I'm guessing there was a reason you didn't do all that?"
"Yeah, I just thought I'd avoid the diplomatic shitstorm. But I'm not the Inquisitor anymore anyway, I should have just gone with it."
"You tire me."
"That's what I do."
He was back. That upbeat tone, the mischievous glint in his eyes, that warmth on his skin. Everything was there, her Cervas was back.
A myriad more questions jostled in her mind, but there would be another time for most of them. She simply enjoyed his presence in silence and kept her eyes on him as long as she could. Cervas looked far ahead, imperturbable, but the squeezes she felt around her fingers were more than enough. Leliana took her hat off for the second time that day, lightly rested her head on his shoulder, and gave a small content laugh.
"I was told I owe this to Solas, is it true?" she asked.
"Yes, ma'am."
"So, I can assume everything else I've been told is also true?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Her thoughts flew back to his missing forearm. "Does… Does it hurt?"
He faced her at last and grinned widely enough for the corners of his eyes to wrinkle. "Not anymore."
Her heart leaped at that. It was good to see him again.
"What are we going to do about him?"
His gaze hardened, but not as terrifyingly as it had earlier. "Seeing as he's out of it, we're going to fix that dumbass back into his right mind."
Leliana gave him a tender smile.
Of course.
"We'll need people…" she reasoned.
A loud voice emerged from behind them, and Cervas closed his eyes with a single chortle.
"I don't care if you're the Divine's stick-to-go, we're the Inquisitor's entourage and you're going to let us through unless you want me to find a very creative way to ruin your day."
"Speaking of creativity, I'm pretty sure Pointy here doesn't want me to include him in my next book the way he's treating us right now, don't you think?"
Dorian and Varric always had a way with words.
"T-there is no Inquisitor anymore. Her Perfection specifically—"
"Vashbanti Kiffass with Her Perfection! Psst, d'I get it right?"
"Almost, Sera. Almost."
"Looks like we already have volunteers lining up," Leliana whispered playfully.
"We must be very popular," Cervas joked with a wink. "Let's go help that poor guardsman of yours."
He leaned away and had already started walking when she called him, misty-eyed despite herself. "Thank you for trying."
He stopped in his tracks, ran back to her, and enveloped her in the warmest, most intimate hug he ever gave her. His right hand snaked around her, he nested his cheek against hers, his heart against hers. He pressed just tight enough that it didn't hurt, and he stayed there, motionless, not uttering a single word. Leliana was stunned at first, then she returned the embrace clumsily yet earnestly. She took in his scent, circled his neck with her arms, rubbed gently against his freshly cut beard. Their breathing sped up in sync, their light laughs sprung out in sync, their three next words they murmured in sync.
Nothing mattered more to them both than each other.
She drowned in his eyes and couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.
"Pour vous, mon coeur…" Cervas said as he straightened up. "…toujours."
Glossary: Un tiens vaut mieux... = A bird in your hand...
Mon coeur = My heart (literally, actually means my dear)
Chéri = Dear
A.N: Hi! Thanks for reading!
Yeah, I'm still alive. Got a bit of a struggle to write this year is all. But I think I'm past the roadblock! I think.
So, um, this is it! Tbh, I never thought it'd get this long. This is almost as long as both the other one-shots together, hehehe. But I had a lot of fun writing this, and I think it's my favorite out of the three one-shots.
So, this basically was my letter of admiration to Leliana, to Inquisition, to Trespasser, to the Inquisitor too in a sense (I already liked them a lot in the base game, but Trespasser made them one of my favorite PCs in any RPG). The one-shot was supposed to be a lot more light-hearted (also a lot shorter, but shhhhhh), but this feels more natural to me, hope it does to you too. It's still fairly light-hearted, also.
Anyway, this is it for this collection! I will probably come back to Dragon Age, but this is it for this specific pairing.
Thank you for sticking with me, and with this story!
Hope to see you in other galaxies,
CalAm.