"A Heart's Immaculence"
Disclaimer:No, no, no! I do not own Inuyasha or Rumiko Takahasi's other wonderful characters. It is sad, I know, that so many fans wish they had created them, but we can pretend that we did. That's why we love to write fan fiction!
Author's Note: Yay! I love the reviews I've been receiving. I get so happy, clapping my hands with delight, jumping up and down like a child, when I read that you all like my story. You all are wonderful, you really are! Looks like my weekend is going to be hectic again. Darn it! I always hope to use my rest days to write yet it hasn't happened that way. My friends think I'm obsessed with Inuyasha (the show) and Sesshomaru, especially now that I'm writing fan fiction. They tell me to write my own stories based on my own characters instead. Hey, I admit Sesshomaru is my favorite character, but that doesn't mean I am obsessed with him. I don't think about him 24/7. Anyway, I do what I do because I love Rumiko's characters, and since the show is finished, why not continue to tell their story using my imagination? I know you all understand and that's good to know.
Chapter Nine
The peacefulness of spring flaunted its beauty through nature's every form, in the sky's turquoise grandeur, the trees' many shapes and sculpture-like poses, from the ground's thin, emerald hair sprouts, the delicate and satiny array of ornamented flowers, its purity doused by streams and waterfalls. Like a painting, the many scenes of this vibrant season presented an artistic loveliness unsurpassed by imagination. It was one of earth's precious tokens, a bejeweled crown.
All of nature was tranquil until a mysterious essence unique from their own moved silently through its realm. The clouds which had blanketed the sun were no longer hiding the light as the decorative figure below stared up at them. They parted at his request and so did the rest of nature's assembly of subjects. The trees seemed to bow and lift away their leafy branches as did the flowers with their dainty stems and petals. Even the water from the streams sounded in tune to the figure's footsteps as he walked passed their freshness.
Lord Sesshomaru was in deep thought, and had every aspect of nature obeyed his unvoiced command, he would have cared nothing for it since his mind was momentarily distracted from everything but himself.
Why have I fallen into such a horrendous predicament, the youkai asked himself.
For the longest time, he had been solitary and in pursuit of his ownambitions, seeking answers to questions his inquisitiveness prompted from him. Nothing stood in his way to conquer whatever it was he pursued, but his former life of endless roaming was at a standstill now that current circumstances altered the fluidity of normalcy he was accustomed to.
Damn Naraku for his constant interfering and the disruption of my own objectives!
Naraku was indeed a meddlesome nemesis who deserved immense punishment for causing anarchy in Sesshomaru's strict, structured and organized world. He was an obstacle in the demon lord's personal quest, and all would not be satisfactory with him until Naraku was destroyed, which was the more pleasurable if it was by his hand. The spider-scarred fiend had used him and manipulated him for his own dark plans against his half-demon brother, but such an act had made a distasteful impression on him. Thus, he vowed to annihilate the one who cunningly engrossed him into such despicable trickery.
But there was another who hindered Sesshomaru's personal design, a mortal young woman whose entire manner and deportment stunned him to a stupor. Kagome was a force to reckon with, one he did not comprehend or desire to tame. She was the wildest creature he had ever encountered who could speak more quickly than he could think. As it was, the few times he was in the same space with her, he was surprised at how tolerable he had been with her person. Now she was to travel with him for three days, and he dreaded the beginning and end of each of them.
Kagome was a nuisance to him compared to the naivety of Rin. His acceptance of the child was anomalous and unnatural for him, yet he allowed her to follow him without feeling threatened that she would change his way of life or disrupt his goals. His permitting her to be with him also stunned and confused him, for he had never consented to anything of the sort before he had met her. The reason for his decision still appalled him yet he realized, if only a small bit, that the girl had improved his outlook on the things around him. Had it not been for her, his senses might have remained stagnant rather than agile.
Unfortunately, Sesshomaru did not feel anything but slight contempt towards Kagome for trespassing into a part of him he did not yearn to enter. For some reason, one he did not fathom, he found the young woman enticing and ridiculously appealing. Although her irritating conduct and frequent annoyances exhausted his patience, he was amused by her vivaciousness and spontaneity. Her energy was a handful, and her temper was even more unwieldy. But he did notice Kagome's potential from what he had seen with his own eyes. She carried a strength that was more internal than physical, yet she also possessed spiritual powers beyond normal caliber, ones she most often repressed due to some enigma he did not know of. What impressed him as well was her bravery in confronting him, her automatic desire to defend herself from him whenever he activated her anger. However, the most dynamic of all her qualities, Kagome also held a pureness he had only seen in Rin, and that in itself was enough for him to be curious about her.
Why did I allow Rin to persuade me to have that irksome girl accompany us?
As he pondered, Sesshomaru's lips began to cake from the warmth of the sun, and after several vignettes of thought swam within his mind, he realized he was thirsty. He found a nearby stream located on the side of several pink-blossomed Sakura trees, and he knelt over to cup the fresh water in his hand. After drinking from the stream and feeling satisfied that his throat was quenched, Sesshomaru peered over the stream again to view his reflection in the water. An image he thought to be forever lost to him, a face his heart longed to see again appeared in absolute clarity on the water's surface. His breath almost escaped him when he leaned closer to observe what his eyes strained to capture and lock inside him.
"Father," Sesshomaru whispered, his words making the water ripple gently.
The sight of his father's image dominated his emotions for a few tender seconds until the entire frame of the great and powerful lord, who had been the only individual who held Sesshomaru's adoration and affection, faded with the flowing current.
"How foolish of me," said Sesshomaru, smiling at the absurdity he had bestowed on himself. "It was merely my own reflection. To think father would appear to me from such a low and unlikely place. My eyes unexpectedly deceived me."
He often forgot he was almost the exact semblance of his father, in physical strength as well as in power, but they lacked similarity in the emotional sphere. Their disagreements about matters in which feelings played a role were constant, and yet they both had a close bond, one Sesshomaru convinced himself he would never have again with anyone. His father was the one whom he connected with, and no one could replace that. The connection of emotion between him and his father had been torn with the great youkai's death, and there was no hope of reattaching the chords snipped from Sesshomaru's heart. Or was there?
"Must you always mourn for your loss?" said a voice Sesshomaru was acquainted with too many times.
"Are you going to remind me of that again?" he said, speaking into the water, staring at his reflection once again, this time knowing it was his, hearing the words of his conscience impatiently.
"You do not accept your true self. It is a struggle for you to obey what is in your soul."
"My soul is not your concern. I have the power to do with it as I wish. You are nothing more than a distraction to me. I have no use for your lectures or advice."
"Such arrogance! It is this flaw of yours that prevents you from becoming a greater demon than your father."
"I am my father's son. This flaw you say I have is small compared to my father's single imperfection."
"What imperfection is that? Are you speaking of the great lord's friendship with mortals?"
Sesshomaru ripped the grass below the place his hand was resting on, imagining it was his conscience he was ripping from his mind.
"You make my head ache," Sesshomaru continued. "You know as well as I what these human creatures did to him. He was destroyed by them. My father chose to die for them rather than live for the son who respected and—"
He could not say the word which held such weight of emotion.
"Loved him," his conscience said for him.
"I do not want to continue further with this. My father's memory is what it is. I have other matters to dwell on that may affect me."
"Such as? Are you referring to Kagome?"
Once again, Sesshomaru's impatience was escalating. "That girl is a splinter wedged deep in my skin which I cannot remove from my presence."
"That is but an excuse. You had the authority to leave her where you found her, but you decided to help her, did you not?"
"I am not going to help her. She is only traveling with me and my ward. If any harm falls upon her, I will not intervene. Rin asked me to allow her to be with us. I did what I did for the child's sake, nothing more."
"Another excuse. You said yourself you find Kagome intriguing."
"Her mouth runs away with her. How can I be intrigued by someone whose voice is as endless as a squeaking pig?"
"You are in fear, Sesshomaru. You fear you may grow fond of her."
Sesshomaru looked away from his reflection and focused his vision on the Sakura trees. They were in full bloom, the pink blossoms exposing their ripe and vernal loveliness, a few petals which were torn by the wind falling gracefully like tear drops. He was both in awe and in horror by the picture he saw before him, for he was suddenly reminded of a memory he did not want to relive but knew in time would be forced to face again.
Looking back at his reflection, Sesshomaru replied, "I do not know what fear is. You are mistaken if you believe I carry such an abominable emotion."
"You may be what you are to everyone else, but you cannot deceive who you are to me. I also believe you fear Kagome is someone who can penetrate your shield and unravel the tanglings of your deepest self."
"Silence, you imposturous—"
"Do not silence me, Lord Sesshomaru! I can never be silenced. Not even your great strength and power can silence me."
"Leave me be! I did not ask for you to intrude in my thoughts."
"But I must intrude. You think you cannot do what you feel you should do because it is not your nature, when on the contrary it is your nature, one you repress because you desire to surpass the most extraordinary demon you admire."
"Do you want me to follow in my father's and my little brother's footsteps? Is it your dream to see me become the thing I loathe to become?"
"What is it about Kagome that bothers you so, aside from her eternal chatter?"
Sesshomaru no longer abided his conscience's interference, and knowing his answer would not silence it until he took action against it, he spoke the only name he shivered at pronouncing, the name that belonged to the woman who stole his father from him, whose internal qualities matched those of Kagome.
"Izayoi," Sesshomaru said, punching the water, erasing his reflection in that instant of frustration and anger.
He stood up and wiped the tiny droplets of water which had splashed on his face. A few remaining droplets remained in his long hair, and as the sun's rays showered its light upon his head, the specks of water made the demon lord look as if he had diamonds interwoven in his silver threads. He left the stream and began to walk away from the thoughts and emotions which had stirred up there. All he had to do now was forget about what had transpired within himself, between his soul and mind. But doing so was a battle he felt he might not win….
This chapter is really short compared to the others. I tried to devote this entire chapter to Sesshomaru's internal dialogue with himself. I also wanted to dig deep into who he truly might be since we really don't know why he's the way he is or what made him into the personality he's developed for himself. This of course is my interpretation. There is more to come which dwells on more of Sesshomaru's inner conflict. Please don't think he's going to go soft on Kagome after this. No way! Far from it, my dears! Kagome is going to have to do something major to earn the "soft side" of him. What will it be? Can you guess? You may be right or you may be wrong. Hmm. I'm looking at my Sesshomaru wall scroll right now, and I just got an idea that may work for the further development of this story. I also miss Inuyasha and the gang. They need to appear again soon. I really miss Inuyasha's personality. I love him as much as his beautiful older brother, not that Inuyasha's not cute. He really is! Reviews please! I need more reviews! Need more input!