"A Heart's Immaculence"
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Inuyasha or any other character who is his friend, acquaintance, relative, enemy, or whatever else that goes with him and the world he lives in.
Author's Note: Please forgive me for taking longer this time to update. I was overwhelmed with personal and school related matters. What busy, fan fiction writer isn't, right? I'll never get tired of saying this: Thanks a bunch for reviewing! I love it when my readers respond positively to my work, especially since it's hard work to do if you are trying to make sure what you write isn't crappy. I'm happy that I've gotten to the point where Kagome and Sesshomaru are now together, maybe not on friendly terms but at least they are interacting. This chapter is focused on Kagome's perspective on Sesshomaru (I had to play the song Fukai Mori multiple times to get the mood for this section), but our lovely lord will be there to enhance or disenchant her views, whichever one suits the situation. Hope you like it, even though the description part of it won't be really poetic like the previous chapter.
Chapter Ten
It was early evening when Kagome, Rin and Jaken settled in a place somewhat distant from where Naraku unexpectedly appeared to them. Kagome liked the location, since it was situated right near a hot spring, and she was aching for a warm bath to cleanse herself, not only from the dirt and stains she acquired the last hours, but to relax her mind of the rapid and unexpected thoughts that had been gnawing inside her since she met Sesshomaru.
Like an overbeaten drum, Kagome's head was pounded by each mental note, every one different and more resounding than the last, yet as she listened attentively to her thoughts' reverberations, she noticed her mind was not the only organ booming within her. Her heart instantaneously accompanied her mind, for with every thought that melodically escaped the instrument of her brain, it thumped rhythmically, creating an orchestral vibration, pink turning into red, red into crimson. Kagome was unsure about the meaning of it all, why her mind and heart both paired together, performing an entwined duet suited for her internal convolution.
She was entangled by all she had experienced from the moment she argued with Inuyasha to the instant Sesshomaru departed after Naraku's appearance. But it was dizzying for her to subject herself to the demands her mind and heart laid onto a platter. Kagome was disturbed by her own cruelty, cruelty she did not believe she had. She did not display it openly, but it was kept deep in the clandestine chambers of her soul. Although she was separated from Inuyasha for two days, she did not think of him as regularly as she imagined. She had even ceased wondering at the reason he had not come for her, and perhaps this is what caused her to discontinue her daydreams about him, her disappointment at his delay in finding her consuming her heart with pain and frustration. But she came to conclude that Inuyasha was not the primary source for the tug of war she was having with herself along with both her heart and mind.
Since she first saw Sesshomaru the day she saved Rin, her interest in him was based entirely on unraveling the origin of his strength and power, of discovering the enormity of his unearthly abilities, dissecting the demon lord inside and out to solve the puzzle he created himself to be. She was nervous in his presence for fear of what he would do to her, knowing she did not fare well with him from the day she unthinkably pulled Tetsusaiga out of its protective barrier inside his father's tomb. Upon his first encounter with her that time ago, Sesshomaru always regarded her as a nuisance and an inconvenience whenever he and Inuyasha battled each other. Of course she also thought of him unfavorably, perceiving him to be nothing but a power-hungry, conceited and unfeeling youkai who took whatever means necessary to acquire everything he wanted.
But after observing him more closely the few times she interacted with him, after hearing him speak in his eloquent voice and looking at the manner in which he presented himself to Naraku and to both Rin and Jaken….the way in which he treated her….she was convinced there was an attractive side to him. Sesshomaru's handsomeness could stop both man and woman, human and demon, in their tracks and make them faint upon laying eyes on his enchanting physique, but it was not this form of attraction that had captured her heart so abrubtly. Whether it was her own heart which had convinced her of this or her spiritual intuition, Kagome saw Sesshomaru as a being who held a secret beauty all his own, one he disclosed only to himself, a treasure meant to be protected and concealed from the pirates of the world.
And that was the cruelty she knew she possessed, the cruelty of abandoning all thoughts of Inuyasha to dwell upon the mystery that Sesshomaru was. She was overwhelmed with guilt, for she felt Inuyasha did not deserve what she was beginning to call betrayal. Before this her mind did not carry thoughts for any other so profusely, not leaving room for anything else but the love for her companion. Yet her mind cast aside all thoughts of Inuyasha when his older brother overshadowed him with his mysterious aura, radiating a power and a light that was stronger and more seductive than the hanyou would ever give.
It was this godliness which had intimidated her countless times, and now she felt more at ease with it, a pleasing sensation which caressed her, her skin tingling not from fear but from amazement.
What is going on? Kagome thought nervously. Why do I feel this way now? How did my feelings change so radically? What are these emotions that stir in me? My heart leaps whenever I see Sesshomaru because he makes me uneasy….but I'm not scared of him so much anymore….so if it's not because I'm afraid of him….well, then….oh, no!
Kagome's body froze, unable to move another step, her eyes searching the ground for an answer she herself was not willingly to admit.
It can't be! Kagome continued. I despise him! He is such a jerk. He hates me! He may look the part, but he's not even a gentleman. He's an emotionless beast without a heart! But what about Rin? Is she not proof that he does have a heart? What am I saying? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Her words did not make sense to her. She knew what she thought was contrary to what her heart believed, yet she did not want to admit the truth of her feelings.
How can it be? And so quickly? No, it isn't that! Kagome, get a hold of yourself! You're just reminded of Inuyasha when you see him. The same silver hair, amber eyes, flaming temper, the arrogance….Yeah, that's all it is! Besides, it took you a while to feel strongly towards Inuyasha.
Kagome's self-talk did nothing to appease her. She wondered if what she felt was there all along, a feeling she was forced to ignore because of Inuyasha. What if it had been dormant all this time and all the terrible thoughts she had of the youkai in the past were just an excuse to not….
She was unwilling to complete her thought.
Inuyasha! Kagome said to herself, her eyes nearly tearing. I'm sorry! I still love you! I still need you! Please come and get me. Take me away from Sesshomaru. Rescue me before he kidnaps me, before he kidnaps my heart….
"Kagome," said Rin, lightly jabbing her finger into her arm. "Are you thinking about something? Are you thinking about your friends?"
"Oh," Kagome said, roused from her meditative state. "Well, yeah. I was thinking."
"You must miss your friends a lot. I can tell by your face."
Kagome only smiled, wishing it was her friends she was thinking about, knowing well her mind lingered on the face of a demon who was the cause of her turmoil.
"Do you miss Lord Sesshomaru when he's gone?" Kagome asked, hoping that talking about the youkai would extinguish any other thoughts that may be born.
Rin giggled happily. "I only miss him for a little bit because I know I'll see him again. I always try to give him flowers to welcome him back."
"How sweet of you!" Kagome was stunned that Sesshomaru would accept flowers from a little girl like Rin, since he did not look the type to receive gifts that were simple and not extravagant. "Does he keep the flowers you give him?"
"Of course he does!" said Rin a little above a shout. "He sometimes tells me to take care of them for him or he puts them on Ah-Un's reigns for decoration."
"Sorry," Kagome said guiltily, seeing the hurt she had caused Rin. "I thought since he's a male demon that he might not like flowers."
"Kagome, don't you like Lord Sesshomaru?"
"What!"
Kagome put her hands on her hips and looked over at Rin with tight lips, casting a dark shadow on her face.
"Are you mad, Kagome?" Rin said innocently. "Why are you looking at me that way? I guess you don't like him."
"That's right!" said Kagome angrily. "I don't like him! I understand why you like him though. He treats you well, but you've seen how he treats me. How can I possibly like somebody who thinks I'm just an insect waiting to be squished to death?"
Jaken's laughter was heard soon after Kagome spoke in a venomous tone about the lord the small girl truly loved and admired.
"What's so funny, toad?" asked Kagome, walking over to him and waving her fist threateningly.
"Lord Sesshomaru hates you! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Jaken laughed harder. "You're an insect to him! Ha! Ha! Ha! A bothersome human is all you are! Hee! Hee!"
"You're one to talk! That may be true to him and to you, but I don't see him treat you any better. Actually, I think he does treat me better than you."
Jaken's face turned a darker green, and his eyes widened just enough to see the veins inside them pop out.
"How dare you say that, stupid human! He would never treat you better than me! I am his loyal servant! I am worth more to him than you know!"
"Is that so?"
"It is the truth!"
"Whatever! Dream on, you green-faced pest!"
"What did you call me!"
"I think you're more of a pest to Lord Sesshomaru than I am. Don't you agree, Rin?"
Rin looked at Jaken and gave him a smile as she nodded her head.
"Rin, how could you!" Jaken shook his head and banged it against his staff. "Why am I surrounded by two stupid humans who don't know how much I mean to my lord? They don't know how much I do for him, how much I can do."
"Oh, stop it, will you!" Kagome said. "Don't you think you're a little too sensitive? Geez, not even I get so worked up about stuff like that."
There was a soft grumbling sound coming from Rin's direction, and as Kagome and Rin turned to look at her, the little girl patted her stomach and smiled.
"Rin," Jaken said. "Your stomach is so loud. Make it stop!"
Kagome touched Rin's shoulder and smiled. "Are you hungry, Rin? I can make you something to eat if you like. I think it's almost time to eat supper anyway."
"Yay!" Rin said, spinning herself around Kagome.
"Let me see." Kagome grabbed her back pack and looked into it to see if there was anything she could make for Rin, thinking of the ramen, potato chips and other snacks she brought for her friends to eat. Remembering she herself did not have anything left to eat while she was lost in the forest, Kagome closed her bag and touched her cheek.
"Now I remember I don't have anything to make for you, Rin," Kagome said, annoyed by the fact she was empty-handed. "Inuyasha ate all the ramen. That greedy—"
"Kagome?" Rin interrupted. "What's ramen?"
"Oh, it's flavored noodles."
"Yummy! I wish I could eat some of that."
"I'm sorry. I guess we'll have to look around and try to make something from what we find."
"Oh, I saw a vegetable patch nearby. Maybe we can get some food from there to make supper."
"Very good, Rin. But what about Lord Sesshomaru? Will he eat what I make?"
"As if he'd do such a thing!" Jaken shouted.
"I didn't ask you, Jaken!" Kagome responded.
"Lord Sesshomaru doesn't eat with Jaken and me," said Rin. "He always goes out alone to eat."
"Really?" Kagome said curiously. "What does he eat then? Roasted human?"
Kagome laughed at her remark, grabbing her stomach for the pain that began to swell there with each breath she took. Rin only looked at her silently, not finding what Kagome said as being funny at all. Jaken, on the other hand, was amused by the young woman's words and had a mischievous look on his face.
"I wish!" Jaken replied to Kagome's words.
After her laughter died down, Kagome grabbed Rin's hand and together they went into the forest to gather the vegetables the girl had seen. The vegetables they found were potatoes and carrots, but Kagome thought she could make something out of it, since she did carry salt and other spices in her backpack just in case the food she brought for her friends was a little too bland for their taste.
Once returning to the place they set out for camp, Kagome and Rin began preparing the evening meal together on the fire Jaken had made while they were gone. The whole process of preparation was easy enough, so all they had to do was wait for the food to cook. In the meantime, Kagome saw the waiting as an opportunity for her to ask Rin about Sesshomaru and learn as much as she could about him.
"Rin," Kagome said, pulling out her brush and some ribbons from her backpack. "You don't mind if I ask you about Lord Sesshomaru, do you?"
"I like talking about Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin said excitedly, allowing Kagome to comb her hair.
"Tell me, Rin, How did you come to be with Sesshomaru? How did you meet him?'
Rin tapped her finger on her cheek and tilted her head, remembering the first time she had seen him. "He was hurt and weak when I saw him. He was bleeding and his clothes were torn in different places. I think he was sleeping when I tried to get close to him."
"He was hurt? Did he try to harm you when you got close to him? What did he do?"
"He just growled at me. He scared me a little bit, but then I was not afraid anymore. He looked at me for a while and went back to sleep. After that I left him alone so he could
get some rest and I brought him some food to eat, but he said I was wasting my time and I should mind my own business. He told me he didn't eat human food."
"You see. Maybe he does eat humans."
"No, he doesn't!" Rin said angrily again.
"I'm just kidding, Rin. I'm sorry. I won't say anything like that again. Go on."
"Well, I left the food there and went back to my village to get him something else to eat. I decided to bring him fish but the men who took care of the preserve gave me a beating because they blamed me for the fish disappearing."
"How horrible! You poor thing! What terrible men!"
"I still went to give Lord Sesshomaru something else to eat, and he looked better the next day I saw him. He made me happy that day."
Kagome gave a slight jump in her seat when Rin said Lord Sesshomaru had made her happy.
What could he have done to make Rin smile?
"What did he do?" Kagome asked.
"Lord Sesshomaru still didn't like me bringing him food to eat and told me he didn't need anything from me."
How typical of him! Kagome thought.
"But he noticed the bruises those men gave me. He asked me how I got them, but I only laughed because I could not talk. When my parents died I could not talk then, but now ever since I've been with Lord Sesshomaru, I can't seem to stop."
"Sesshomaru asked you about your bruises? Wow!" Kagome was becoming more interested in Rin's story.
"Yep," Rin said, liking the feel of the brush through her hair. "Lord Sesshomaru is the only one who has taken care of me. After I died—"
"What did you say?" Kagome asked surprised. She tied some ribbons in Rin's hair and waited patiently for the girl to respond.
"I died and Lord Sesshomaru brought me back to life."
"Are you kidding me! I don't believe it! I can't believe it! You're saying he used Tenseiga, the sword he said was worthless and useless, to bring you back to life? Why? I thought he disliked humans? He actually used his sword to give back life."
"A pack of wolves killed me. I ran to my lord to see if he could help me but I didn't get there on time. I remember how painful it was being bitten by them. The last thing I felt was a sharp pain on my neck and then everything was black. Then I remember opening my eyes. The pain was gone and the first person I see is Lord Sesshomaru. He had me in his arm and looked at me. I thought I was dreaming. He then left me and walked away. I decided to follow him because everyone in my village was killed and I didn't know where else to go."
"What did Sesshomaru say when you followed him?"
"Nothing. He never said anything. He just let me follow him everyday. But then one special day we stopped a distance away from a village and he told Jaken to accompany me there so that he could have someone make a kimono for me to wear. He told me I could pick whatever style of cloth I wanted and have it made in whatever colors I wanted. That was like a present for me. The first words I spoke since my parents died were to him."
"What did you say?"
" I said 'thank you.'"
Kagome was in awe from everything Rin told her about Sesshomaru. She was trying to digest all she had heard from Rin's sweet voice. She knew how much he meant to the girl, for the manner in which she spoke about him and the way her eyes glowed recalling the first time she met him made Kagome realize that there was a deepness to the relationship they had with each other. Even if Sesshomaru was one of few words, he did display what he felt for the girl through his actions, and the story Rin had related to Kagome was proof of that.
"I was right," Kagome said in a daze. "I was right about him."
"What are you saying, Kagome?" Rin asked, fiddling with her hair.
"Oh, nothing! Forget I said anything!"
The vegetables in the pot were beginning to boil and Kagome stirred the ingredients inside with a long stick, allowing the steam to rise. She sat back in her place and remained quiet for a few minutes until she came up with more questions to ask Rin.
"Rin," Kagome said cautiously. "Does Lord Sesshomaru ever talk about his family? What about himself? Do you know anything else about him?'
Rin shook her head. "No. He doesn't talk much. He mostly tells me and Jaken what to do or about what he thinks Naraku or his other enemies are up to."
"Ha!" Jaken said while sticking a stick inside the boiling pot of vegetables. "As if Lord Sesshomaru would speak to Rin or anyone about himself."
"Stop that!" Kagome yelled, pulling the stick from Jaken's hand. "So, toad. Are you saying your lord shares with you things he doesn't share with anyone else?"
"Uh—yes! I mean no! I mean sometimes! Uh—maybe—"
"You liar! He doesn't tell you anything either."
"Lord Sesshomaru keeps matters to himself, especially those pertaining to his past," Jaken said confidently. "For all the time I've been in his service, he has never mentioned anything about himself. I'll have you know I am quite offended by that. Why doesn't he tell me some of his secrets? I would never tell. He's known me for the longest time. I dedicated my life to him. I even gave up being leader of my kind to be by his side. Oh, I remember when I first saw him, when he saved me from that hideous demon. He was so beautiful! So dashing!"
Kagome and Rin looked at each other and laughed.
"There's a look in his eyes that is a bit too freaky for me," Kagome said, both her hands on either cheek. "Does he always get starry-eyed when he talks about Lord Sesshomaru?"
Rin nodded.
"Jaken," Kagome said. "It seems to me you are really attached to Lord Sesshomaru. Do you like him?"
Jaken's skin color turned from green to red.
"My lord deserves respect and admiration," said Jaken. "He should be feared, loved and worshiped!"
"'Loved' you say?"
Jaken shook his arms in the air.
"What are you insinuating, you dirty-minded woman! My feelings for Lord Sesshomaru are decent and respectable!"
"Which means you like him, right? Why deny it, Jaken? Just admit you like him!"
"I must like him, otherwise he'll kill me." Jaken was in thought. "Hmm. But he did bring me back to life that one time."
"What!" Kagome shouted, grasping Jaken by his robes and lifting him from the ground, staring into his huge, light bulb-like eyes. "Did you say Sesshomaru brought you back to life?"
"Yes I did!" Jaken said, his feet dangling like a worm. "Now release me!"
Kagome released her grasp and Jaken fell to the ground.
"I still can't believe it," Kagome gasped. "He saved Rin and Jaken. Why Jaken?"
"Why? Because he needs me. I am his loyal servant remember," Jaken said, defending himself. "I was cut in half by that blacksmith named Kaijimbo, the one who made Tokijin. Lord Sesshomaru saw me in that dreadful state and used Tenseiga to resurrect me. I owe my life to him. I was even in tears."
"Not surprising," said Kagome. Then an idea came to her head, and a funny one at that. "Hey, Jaken, since you admire Sesshomaru so much, why don't you get fixed up like Rin here and surprise him with your new look?"
"As if I'd let you touch me!" Jaken retorted, turning his back on Kagome.
Kagome jumped on top of Jaken and held him down. "Rin! Come and help me. You can put on those hair ribbons on him while I hold him down. We'll make Jaken look better than he's ever been."
Rin ran over excitedly with the ribbons and tied a variety of them on Jaken's ears and head. Jaken was struggling to set himself free, but Kagome held him down quite vigorously.
"There!" Kagome said, clapping her hands. "Look at you, Jaken! You look quite pretty like that!"
Jaken tried to remove the ribbons but Rin had made tight knots on them, making it difficult for him to untie. Rin giggled as she watched Jaken hop around.
"You see, Jaken," Kagome said. "Now you can show Lord Sesshomaru how much you really like him."
"I do not like him!" Jaken answered angrily.
"Yeah, whatever you say!" said Kagome, her eyes squinted, her smile as wide as ever, her hand moving in a waving motion.
"I DO NOT LIKE LORD SESSHOMARU!"
"What did you say, Jaken?"
Jaken's body stiffened as he saw the ground beneath him darken by a tall figure standing behind him. He began to shake and instinctively fell to his knees, bowing up and down to his lord and master.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken said in a quiver. "Please forgive me, my lord! I did not mean what I said. It's not the way you think. Please understand! I did not mean it the way it sounded."
Kagome and Rin laughed at the scene in front of them.
"Get up, Jaken!" Sesshomaru said, obviously annoyed by his servant's foolishness. "Your harebrained bowing is unaffective."
"Yes, sire," Jaken stood up and noticed Sesshomaru was staring at his head.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin said elatedly, joyous her master had returned earlier than she had expected him. She got near him and spun herself in front of him, grabbing her hair and waving the loose ribbons in front of her face. "Look at what Kagome did to my hair. Do I look pretty?"
Sesshomaru stared at Rin with a puzzled expression.
"I even made Jaken look nice," said the child, pointing at Jaken who had his head bowed.
"Remove those dangling things from your head, Jaken," Sesshomaru said coolly. "You look ridiculous."
"Hey, I think he looks…." Kagome spoke, not knowing what the youkai would say to her. "Yeah, you're right. He does look ridiculous!"
She and Rin laughed again, this time hysterically, rolling together on the ground. Sesshomaru stared at them, half amused and half irritated, not understanding how two female humans could act like dogs playing in the dirt.
That squealing pig voice again! thought Sesshomaru, wincing at the sound of Kagome's laughter.
"Enough of that , Rin!" said Sesshomaru calmly. "You will soil your clothes that way."
"Yes, my lord!" said Rin, instantly standing on her feet and wiping the dirt off her kimono.
"And you," Sesshomaru said, referring to Kagome.
"And me what?" Kagome said, her heart pulsating in the same rhythm she experienced while thinking of him before.
Kagome looked at Sesshomaru with new eyes, her vision tracing every feature of his face, searching for that part of him she longed to uncover. She was touched by him in some strange but familiar way, her feelings for him no longer scathing but empathetic. For some reason she could not look away from him, even as he stared at her ruthlessly, and she was comforted by the single thought her mind conceived upon his appearance: she had missed him.
Sesshomaru himself was not his usual self at that moment. Although he did not disclose it, his feelings for Kagome had altered as well, perhaps not as fully as the young woman's, but there was something in him that clung to his heart and made his senses more polished and keen. Even her scent was becoming bearable, almost stimulating.
Not understanding why Kagome looked at him so strangely and why she was smiling at him, Sesshomaru turned his eyes away from her, running his fingers through his hair as if doing so would alleviate the discomfort the human girl was giving him.
"What are you smiling at?" he asked her.
Kagome did not answer. Her only response was a wider smile.
And the only response Lord Sesshomaru rendered Kagome was the gentle motion of his throat as he swallowed nothing but his own breath and the beauty of her stare.
Oh, boy! This chapter was a toughy to write. I don't think I did such a great job on it, but I tried my best. I think it's a bit on the boring side, yet I believe it sets the stage for the intimacy and connection that is to come between Sesshomaru and Kagome. I don't know why it was such a struggle to write. Maybe writer's block is a factor. I don't know. Maybe my schoolwork dulled my brain. I actually wrote this chapter as soon as I completed my assignments. I needed to update this story, so that is what motivated me to burn the midnight oil in order to write this chapter for you all. Of course my readers are my primary motivators. Thanks you all for being there! In the next chapter, Kagome does some embarrassing things in front of Sesshomaru, and I think he does something embarrassing too, I'm not sure yet. Don't forget to review again! Pretty please!