"A Heart's Immaculence"
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, okay!
Author's Note: Hey, everybody! Thank you for your encouraging reviews! I really depend on you all to respond, and you have never cause me to be disappointed but instead make me overly joyous, which is not a bad thing of course. In this chapter, jealousy will consume one of the characters, and it is because a certain somebody shows up. I didn't get to put this in the previous chapter, but it happens in this one. I'm kind of sad right now because I realize that my story will be ending soon. Oh, no! It seems like I just began writing it, but I am in no hurry to finish and I don't want to rush into it either. I'm sure going to miss hearing from my readers and reading their reviews when this is all over. Goodness, why am I going on like this? My story is not ending yet, so I better put my thoughts about it inside my pocket and let you all read. Well, happy reading!
Chapter 17
A heart in grief is the most sorrowful of spectacles. However strong it may be, once it is bruised by love, it becomes dispirited and desolate, woeful and forlorn. Where there once was an elated, joyful throbbing when it was first captivated by the object of its admiration, there is now a disheartened and bereaved beating as it plays to the rhythm of sadness and misery. What consolation is there for such heartache when it is instigated by the very soul one adores?
Kagome ran through the forest as her feelings swelled inside her, rousing her mind to produce images of the most delicate nature, ones of her and the person she loved, together but separate, a weed and a flower enveloped by snow, the sun and the moon divided by day and night, fire and water as earthly elements that cannot be combined, heaven and hell two boundaries protected by a golden gate in between them. This was an unpleasant reverie that was sure to transform into a nightmare if she allowed her thoughts to continue creating pictures of opposites that were both aesthetic and grotesque.
This can't be happening to me again, thought Kagome. How can I be in love for the second time? It was too much heartache loving Inuyasha, having him around and giving small insinuations that perhaps he did have strong feelings for me in return, yet he has never confronted me directly about them. And what about Sesshomaru? The pain I feel with him is much more intense than what I felt towards Inuyasha, but what makes it more difficult is that I love someone who doesn't care a thing about me. I am only an insect to him. He has hurt me far beyond anyone in the world.
"Why do I love such jerks?" Kagome said to herself, shaking her head as she continued to run.
She did not understand herself. Throughout the time she had been with Inuyasha, since the moment she realized her feelings for him were more than platonic, Kagome's heart treasured no one else. She had been loyal to him since her infatuation began, and it then belonged solely to him when it converted into love. For all the happiness and excitement he had given her, she was tremendously grateful. He was the male she dreamt of being with, the jem in her ring she would wear forever and never remove. When the world was black and cruel, he made her forget about its evil reality and welcomed her into his warm, delightful haven. No other possessed the power to do this.
Until now.
The day her heart chose Sesshomaru over Inuyasha, her soul searched for the explanation she longed to find which would give her the answer she desired. After hours of arduous mental labor, there was none. Her love for him was kindled from nothing. She and the youkai were less than acquaintances, two individuals from opposing sides, like foes but to a lesser degree. He had never treated her kindly or spoken a single amicable word to her. His aristocratic status was enough to make her dislike him, but his snobbish demeanor was the most intolerable of all his demonic traits. He was the antithesis of Inuyasha, and although he displayed great amounts of strength and skill, he was the kind of demon she vowed she would never associate with. But the more she spent time with Sesshomaru, the harder it was for her to keep true to her promise.
Her heart was enchanted by him at different intervals, for Sesshomaru exposed glints of himself she had never known resided in him. He held a beauty within his physical form no one was permitted to see, and she was able to penetrate into it and discover he did have a heart, one that required the utmost protection. Despite his harsh treatment of her, her attraction to him was more magnetic than what she felt with Inuyasha, and her love held an animalistic hunger she was lacking with the hanyou. Sesshomaru's appeal was of a mature form, and she often thought of him in ways she was embarrassed to admit to herself. Her longing for him was insatiable. But the feelings of the heart were more tenacious than that of the physical. Sesshomaru had wounded her deeply, and she was unsure whether she could forgive him, for although it was his nature to be cold and cruel, she felt she did not deserve it after trying her best to utilize all her powers in a battle she knew was doomed for her from the start.
Kagome began to lose her breath, and she was bending over to rest her body over a log when a vigorous wind swept through the area. She was almost knocked off her feet, and when she looked at the sky, she saw dark cumulous clouds overhead which indicated a storm was brewing. Realizing she was unsafe, she ran again, hoping to find shelter before the rain would fall, yet although she saw the storm clouds herself, Kagome was not convinced that the storm was the only danger she would be encountering. She sensed something was amiss and that kept her from slowing down in her tracks.
"What is going on?" Kagome said, pushing herself harder to continue running even though she was growing tired and breathless.
She was about to let out a cough from the heavy panting in her chest when she suddenly felt the patch of ground beneath her shake. It was not very solid, and its small space had too many twigs and leaves over it. When she was going to look beneath her, the ground caved in and she fell into the deep hole below, landing roughly and painfully on the rocks situated there.
"What is this?" said Kagome, scanning the hole she was trapped in, looking above her to see how far in she had fallen. She was able to see the sky and the branches of a few trees hanging over the hole, but she could tell by the steepness of the walls that it would take her a while to climb out. "What am I doing here? Why do I always get myself into these predicaments? Help! Can someone hear me up there? Please help me!"
Kagome figured out that the hole was some sort of trap laid out for her, and she was more than positive it was Naraku's doing. She was upset at herself for not being more wary of her surroundings and allowing herself to be so easily caught. However, what most concerned her was her fear that it might rain while she was trapped, and the water would most surely fall inside the hole and cause it to flood, dampening the walls and making them impossible for her to climb out without slipping from their slippery surface. If it did rain and she was unable to get out, she could drown and that was something she was not going to consent to.
She climbed slowly up the steep walls, using her hands and feet like hooks, digging them into the dirt and rocks embedded there. She struggled to keep her balance and not to look down, knowing if she did she might easily faint with the height of where she now was. Keeping her eyes on the wall in front of her and looking up at the sky occasionally as she climbed, Kagome's strength was debilitating, her arms and legs weakening with every struggle she made to get herself out. She was getting frustrated and annoyed with her situation, but she was not ready to be defeated again, not by a hole or anyone. With perspiration developing in different parts of her body, she pushed herself to continue further, the smell of dirt suffocating her, entering her nose, mouth and eyes.
Looking up at the hole's opening again, Kagome saw she had a little more of a way to go, but she was relieved it was not that long of a climb before she reached the top. Motivated by this, she climbed more quickly, yet her excitement was short-lived. As she was reaching her hand to make the next move, another surge of strong winds passed through above her. Somehow the wind entered inside the hole and encircled her like a whirlwind, blowing hard against her. Kagome gripped the wall as tightly as she was able, but the wind was too powerful for her body to withstand, and she was thrown to the bottom of the hole again.
The wind suddenly subsided and all was quiet.
"What was that all about?" Kagome said, rising from the ground, wiping the dirt off her kimono and removing the dirt, leaves, and pieces of twig that had gotten entangled in her hair. "All that hard climbing for nothing! I'm back where I started. Somebody's responsible for this. Whoever's out there better reveal themselves right now!"
Kagome was becoming more overwrought, and she had an urge to pull her hair out of impatience and fatigue.
"Kagome!"
"Did someone just call my name?" she said, straining her ears upward and closing her ears to make sure she did not imagine it.
"Kagome!"
Kagome heard correctly. A little girl's voice was calling her name.
"Rin?" Kagome said loudly, relieved someone had found her. "Is that you?"
"Where are you, Kagome?" Rin said. "I can hear you but I can't see you."
"Be careful, Rin. I'm inside a large hole in the ground. Watch where you're going or you'll fall in too."
Did Sesshomaru send Rin to look for me? thought Kagome, excited by the idea, a smile surfacing on her face. Will he actually rescue me?
Her heartache was temporarily displaced by happiness, the thought of Sesshomaru coming to save her from the danger she was in making her want to shed tears, not of sadness but of joy. But the loveliness of it was too good to be true, for the ferocious wind which had blown through before was present again and Sesshomaru was nowhere to be see. Kagome held tightly to the walls and she heard Rin scream above her.
"Rin!" Kagome yelled.
The wind came in even stronger, and Kagome saw Rin's body flying through the air.
"He's not here," said Kagome sadly as she saw Rin being thrown from one direction to another like a rag doll. "If he was, none of this would be happening now."
Rin was thrown into the same hole Kagome was in, and she was falling at a terrible speed. If Kagome did not catch her, Rin's body would break once she hit the ground and she would be dead. Holding out her arms like a protective mother, Kagome reached out for the child as she moved left and right, deciding the best place to be to catch her. Large rocks were falling behind Rin's body, and they appeared as though they were going to pelt her on the back. If the rocks hit her, Rin would be dead before Kagome could catch her, and fearing for the girl's life, Kagome felt an empowering energy inside her, and she understood immediately what it was. Lifting her arm, she waved it sharply over her chest, and the rocks falling behind Rin were moved out of the way in midair, crashing into the nearby wall. Kagome repositioned her arm and caught Rin just in time.
"Are you all right, Rin?" Kagome asked, squeezing the girl tightly against her.
"Kagome!" Rin said, pressing her head to Kagome's bosom.
"What happened up there? What's causing that wind?"
"I don't know, but I was really scared."
"Of course you were, Rin. Were you out there by yourself?"
"Yes." Rin had a look of guilt on her round face.
Kagome let Rin down and looked at her suspiciously.
"What did you do, Rin? Why isn't Lord Sesshomaru with you?"
Rin placed her hands behind her back and bent her head, staring at the ground.
"When you ran away, I followed you,' she said. "Lord Sesshomaru told me not to, but I didn't listen to him."
Kagome raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"You didn't obey Sesshomaru? Why did you do that, Rin?"
"I like you too much, Kagome. You're like a big sister to me. I saw how sad you were and I didn't like the way Lord Sesshomaru treated you."
At least she notices it, Kagome thought.
"I told you, Rin," Kagome said. "Sesshomaru and I were practicing with our fighting skills. That's why he treated me that way."
"No, Kagome," said Rin, looking up at her suddenly. "I've never seen him treat anybody in such a mean way like he does with you, but at least he treats you better than master Jaken."
Kagome became furious. "Are you saying he treats other people, demons, whatever, better than me? Even Naraku?"
Rin nodded her dainty head.
"That bastard! He's the meanest dog I've ever met. Not even a pit bull would treat me so cruelly."
Rin was bothered by Kagome's remarks toward her master, and her face was crunched up with worry.
"Don't you like Lord Sesshomaru, Kagome?" she asked.
"What?" Kagome said, her mouth wide open, her cheeks rosey. "Like him? What do you mean by 'like'?"
"Don't you think he's nice-looking?"
"What are you getting at, Rin?" Kagome felt sweat on her neck.
"I think you and Lord Sesshomaru should be together."
Kagome's knees became weak and she fell to the ground.
"I'm sorry, Rin," Kagome said, dread taking over her. "That will never happen. Anyway, Sesshomaru doesn't like me. You said he treats me worse than anybody he has been with. That's proof of how much he hates me. Besides, my heart is with Inuyasha."
Biting her tongue, Kagome regretted saying those words, knowing they were a lie.
"But I think that's why you should be with him. Before my mother died, she told me a story on how she and my father met. She said they were always fighting whenever they were together and that they said bad things to each other all the time. My mother said she hated being with him, and she said he felt the same way, but one day that changed. They were both gathering fish by a river and my mother accidentally fell into the water. My father went in and swam to save her. After that day, my mother and father fell in love and got married."
"I thought stories like that only happened in fairy tales," Kagome said, still disconsolate even with Rin's touching story.
How can she know about these things? Kagome said to herself. She's just a child.
"Maybe Lord Sesshomaru really likes you."
Kagome covered her ears, Rin's comments surprising her beyond belief.
"Don't say things like that anymore, Rin," Kagome demanded. "I mean it! I don't think he would approve of any of the things you've been saying if he were here. He'd probably be tempted to take you over his knee and spank you."
Now Rin became terribly upset. She turned around, her back facing Kagome.
"My lord would never do such a thing to me! Never!"
Kagome, think before you open your mouth! she said, standing up and placing two hands on Rin's shoulders. Look at how hurt Rin is!
"I'm so sorry, Rin," Kagome said. "Please forgive me. I have such a big mouth. Just because I'm upset doesn't mean you should be too."
Rin turned around and gave Kagome a smile. "I'm really sorry too. You don't have to like Lord Sesshomaru if you don't want to. You're right. Maybe he doesn't like you either. I just thought it'd be good if—"
Rin was unable to finish her words, her head bowing to the ground once more.
"Good if what?" Kagome said, concerned.
"Good if Lord Sesshomaru had somebody to love him."
Again Kagome was shocked by the child's bluntness and sincerity.
"But doesn't he have you and Jaken?" Kagome said. "I think Sesshomaru gets enough love from you and Jaken if you count him twice."
"But he's lonely, Kagome. I know what he's feeling, because I used to be lonely too, but now I'm not. What Jaken and I give him isn't enough. He needs more than that."
Can all this be true? Kagome said. Is he lonely? Does he long for something more?
Kagome was having a hard time believing what Rin was telling her about Sesshomaru, but she knew the child was not lying. It was impossible to conceive that the most powerful youkai in the land had such feelings residing within him. But what saddened her the most was his unwillingness to open himself up to anyone, and she knew that if he were to give her an opportunity, she could help him ease his troubled heart. She would understand him completely, for she too felt lonely and desired to be loved. If he only knew she loved him, perhaps things would be different.
An uncanny sound interrupted Kagome's thoughts. It was the sound of a woman's laughter.
"Who is that?" Rin said, looking up at the sky.
The laughter was heard again, this time more close and near. The clouds were no longer dark, and the blue sky reappeared as if nothing had occurred.
"Who can that be?" Kagome said.
Is it Kikyo? she thought. But why would she be around here?
For a third time, the woman's laughter resounded inside the dark hole, and by its high-pitched tone, Kagome figured it did not belong to Kikyo since her voice was more mellow.
"My, how terrible and pitiful you both look!" the woman said in a cold but sensual voice. "You two look as if you're waiting to be executed."
"Stop hiding and show yourself!" Kagome shouted.
A young, beautiful dark-haired female demon with striking red eyes rode on a long, white feather and hovered above the opening of the hole like a magic carpet. She waved her fan over her face to cool herself, something hardly anyone saw her do, for she always used its powers to attack rather than for its simple uses. Her ruby lips were molded in a wide, mischievous smile, and she touched her hair in a vain, self-indulgent way as if making sure her hair was not out of place.
"Kagura!" Kagome and Rin said together simultaneously.
"Yes?" Kagura said, folding her fan shut and tapping it on her cheek.
"You are responsible for this trap, aren't you? For that strong wind?" Kagome said angrily.
"Of course I am!" said Kagura, laughing yet again, her slender shoulders rising with each exhale of sound she released. "But I must say I got more than I hoped for. I wasn't expecting Sesshomaru's little companion to join you."
"Then let her go," Kagome yelled. "If you weren't after her, you should release her."
"I do not take orders from you!" Kagura replied. "It is true that I was not after the girl, and the trap was set for you alone. However, why should I let her go when I can use her for my own advantage? Since she is presently in there with you, then that means Sesshomaru is nearby."
Kagura had a sly and tricky gleam in her eyes, and her smile was even wider than before. Kagome did not like Kagura's expression, and it seemed that Naraku's incarnation was devising a scheme that most certainly involved Sesshomaru.
"What do you want with me?" Kagome said, feeling tired and hungry, the day's events overwhelming her mind.
"You'll find out soon enough," the wind sorceress said.
"Where's Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin said worriedly to Kagome, wrinkling her brows. "Why hasn't he come to rescue us?"
Kagome sympathized with the girl, understanding how dependent Rin was to Sesshomaru's protection of her, but even she herself did not know the answer to her question. But if he had not rescued her by now, it meant something had gotten in his way which prevented him to do so.
"I'm afraid Sesshomaru is busy at the moment," Kagura said, hearing Rin's words. "My sister Kanna is using her mirror to create an illusion, a mind trick you see, to ward him off just long enough for me to kidnap you. But that trap was set for Inuyasha and your friends, not for him, and that has me baffled. Are you hanging around with Sesshomaru, Kagome?"
"That's none of your business!" Kagome said, enraged.
"Ah, so you are!" Kagura replied, her eyes narrowing with an evil glare. "Naraku told me he had seen you and Sesshomaru in a rather intimate setting. I refused to believe him, but I shall see for myself if what he says is true."
"Sesshomaru will get you for trapping Rin," Kagome said. "He'll be so angry at you for doing this to her."
"Are you sure he'll only feel that way for her?" said Kagura. "And what about you? I saw what was in Kanna's mirror. You were quite taken by Sesshomaru's physical assets. Tell me, just what were your intentions with him?"
Kagome was appalled and felt absolutely violated. What she thought was a private moment between herself and Sesshomaru was revealed to her enemies, a show for the entertainment of others.
"You're truly a wicked demon, Kagura," Kagome said. "I hope Sesshomaru tears you apart!"
"I doubt that," Kagura said, jumping off her floating feather as it shrunk in midair. She landed on the edge of the hole and stretched out her hand, the feather resting on her open palm, placing it on the side of her hairdo like a decorative pin.
"What do you mean?" Kagome asked.
"You see, Sesshomaru and I may be opponents, but we are rather close. Whenever we are going to fight each other, we only pretend to be enemies, and we use our powers for the sake of putting on a show. It is a game we play, nothing more serious than that. I have never desired to harm him, and he feels the same with me. He knows I am Naraku's puppet, his slave, and that I cannot escape him on my own. His hatred for Naraku is as fierce as mine. He has helped me in keeping my deception a secret from the world."
Kagura had a gentle smile on her face, the kind one makes when dreaming of a handsome lover. She was even more beautiful when her face shined with the comeliest of feelings, and in that instant she did not appear as if she were Naraku's incarnation but a soul born from the goodness of a heart. Kagome was able to translate the expression on Kagura's countenance, and she knew, as heartbreaking as it was for her, that the demoness was also in love with Sesshomaru. This bond Kagura said she had with him was there before she entered his realm, and she was in no place to judge her, believing that what happened between them must have occurred in her absence.
"Okay, I get what you're saying!" Kagome said, acting as if she did not care. "Still I am very angry that I'm trapped down here breathing nothing but dirt while you're up there in the fresh air."
"You're very temperamental," Kagura said. "And I'm losing my patience with you."
"I have lost my patience with her as well," said a deep, calm voice.
Opening her fan and hiding half her face behind it, Kagura fixed her eyes on the tall, elegant and graceful figure of Lord Sesshomaru standing opposite her on the other side, the width and depth of the black hole the only thing which stood between them. She batted her eyes quickly as if she were sending him a private message, but the only response she received was an emotionless stare.
"Lord Sesshomaru," said Kagura, lowering her fan just enough to reveal her mouth. "You figured out Kanna's little trick, did you?"
"What sort of trick is that, where moving trees are the attackers?" said Sesshomaru, a bit of irritation in his voice. "How preposterous! Such a petty illusion, one that's considerably beneath me."
"My apologies," Kagura replied, bowing respectfully to Sesshomaru. "I'll tell Kanna to give you something more challenging next time."
"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin shouted, jumping up and down.
Sesshomaru looked inside the hole and saw Rin's excitement at seeing him, then he stared at Kagome who just then sat down on the ground and brought her legs toward her chest, wrapping her arms around them as if embracing them.
"Is she ill?" Sesshomaru asked Kagura, noticing Kagome's ashen face.
"Ha! Far from it! That human girl is a fireball."
"Kagura, release Rin. I know she is not important to your plans."
"Oh, she is, Sesshomaru!" Kagura's smile was more mischievous. "She wasn't important before, but she is now. If you want me to release her, you're going to have to defeat me at the little game we always play first."
Kagome's ears flared up like a balloon. The words Kagura had spoken before were becoming more true by the minute.
"Very well, Kagura," Sesshomaru said, returning a smile.
Kagome stared up at the two figures of Kagura and Sesshomaru, inspecting them with her eyes for any signs that indicated they were much closer than she assumed. By the look on Kagura's face, it was quite obvious she was taken by Sesshomaru's beauty and strength, and her expression reminded her of the many she had seen imprinted on the school girls' faces when they had a crush on someone. When she looked at Sesshomaru, she saw something in his face she had never seen him display with her. Suddenly, Kagome felt a blistering feeling inside her, one she experienced countless times before with Inuyasha and Kikyo, whenever he thought of her or was with her. She clenched her fists beneath her legs and held back a scream that was at the edge of her throat.
Was it jealousy she was feeling?
Kagome was saddened. The manner in which Kagura and Sesshomaru were smiling at each other held an intimacy she had never known with anyone, the closest one being Inuyasha, but their connection seemed to be deeper. What was more disheartening was that Sesshomaru's smile was not cold or heartless, but one that would melt any woman's heart, the smile she had longed and yearned for him to give her. They both looked at each other as though they were—
No! Kagome screamed inside her head. I don't believe it! He can't be! Not with her!
Suddenly, in that painful recognition of her weeping heart, Kagome's pity for Sesshomaru's loneliness and need for love was gone.
Oh, no! What's going to happen now? Damn Kagura for making Kagome go through so much heartache! Hey, Sesshomaru is partly responsible too! Things are not looking good for Kagome, are they? Poor girl! She had so much hope that her love would give her something positive to look forward to, and now it seems to be disappearing bit by bit. I can't believe Rin wants Kagome to be with Sesshomaru! That's so sweet of her! Maybe she should have a little talk with her demon lord about how she feels about him and Kagome being together. What do you think? Would he listen to her? This was another sad chapter for me because I felt Kagome's pain again. But please don't give up on Sesshomaru and Kagome. Kagome is a fighter, and she can get what she wants as long as she sticks to her guns. As a matter of fact, Kagome's going to show how hurt and angry she is in the next chapter. Go Kagome! I can't believe it's 12 midnight already. I need to go to bed now. I'm glad I finished earlier today with this chapter since school is tomorrow. I dislike Mondays so much. Who doesn't, right? Don't forget, my lovely readers, to review. I know I shouldn't repeat that anymore, since you all probably have it permanently stored in your brains already. Just so you remember—Review! Review! Review!