Disclaimer: I'm too sexy to own Harry Potter, to sexy to own Harry Potter, so sexy...
Ch. 2 "The Adventure Continues"
Wonderboy's powerful senses told him he was moving at an incredible speed. Or rather he was in something that was moving at an incredible speed. As he opened his eyes, he sprang up and drew his wand.
"Nobody move or I'll…." he faltered when he noticed that he had not been kidnapped by kidnappers, but his friends. He sat back down quietly.
"Yes Potter?"
"Never mind."
All was silent for exactly 3 minutes and 20 seconds, when out of the blue Ron came up with a good idea.
"We need a name," he announced.
The other three looked at each other in astonishment. Ron had a point. And that was weird.
"Maybe I'm still unconscious," Harry thought.
Ignoring everyone's amazed or confused expressions, Ron continued. "So I was thinking…"
"That's unusual," said Severus, who had finally recovered enough to make a cheap shot.
"I was thinking we could call ourselves Wand-Men or Mighty Morphin Power Wizards.What do you think?"
The only answer was a faint mumble of "sexist pig" from the area where Hermione was sitting.
"How about Justice League of America?"
Hermione sighed. "Ron, we don't live in America."
Ron giggled. "How about Teenage Mutant Ninja Wizards or Potterpuff Gir…"
"If you finish that sentence you shall wish to walk the rest of the way," Snape growled.
Harry looked confused. "Why would he want to do that?"
"Because sitting down would be very painful considering his wand would be stuck up his a…"
Severus's use of profanity was cut short by Hermione clamping her hand over his mouth.
"I can replace that with duct tape if you don't start being nice," she warned as she removed her hand.
"That's not much incentive," Severus said seductively with a wink.
A sickening noise directed everyone's attention to Harry. "I think I just threw up in my mouth," he explained.
As a chorus of "gross" echoed through out the car, the Gitmobile turned off the main road and slowed down.
"I will need everyone's attention now," Severus demanded. "We all have some very important decisions to make."
After they all conversed for a few minutes, Severus rolled down the window.
"We'll have seven cheeseburgers, 4 large fries, and 4 cokes."
Seven cheeseburgers, 4 large fries, and 4 cokes later Hermione realized something.
"Severus do we even know where we're going? Dumbledore didn't give us the location of Dr. Von Voldymort's lair."
Severus sighed and handed Hermione a map. Smack dab in the middle, in bright fluorescent colors read "Dr. Von Voldymort's Lair."
"Where did you find this?" Hermione asked, puzzled.
"It was laying on the driver's seat when I got into the car," Severus explained.
"What luck!" Ron was so excited he jumped up and hit his head on the roof of the Gitmobile.
"It sounds rather fishy though," speculated Harry.
Severus sighed again. Over the years he had perfected it to an art form.
"Unlikely coincidences are often used by authors when they are too lazy or too stupid to think up a realistic reason for something. For example, I could have tortured Lucius and found the lair's location that way. Or I could have used my resources as a former Death Eater and blackmailed some…"
"Or I could have used my knowledge and your knowledge and Harry's knowledge of Dr. Von Voldymort and brilliantly figured out his hiding place," Hermione interrupted.
"I could have tapped into Voldy's mind via our strange and freaky connection and found out," Harry shouted enthusiastically.
"And I could have…ow!"
For what seemed the millionth time that day, everyone looked at Ron.
"My head hurts for some reason," he complained as he rubbed said spot.
The remaining three sighed. These jokes were getting really old and it was only the second chapter.
Nobody spoke for awhile, each imagining how they would have miraculously uncovered the exact longitude and latitude of the lair. Except for Ron.
"Lightbulb!"
As readers across the globe groaned, Ron proceeded to tell of his beyond brilliant idea.
"We could be the Fantastic Four," he said with a grin.
Harry patted his friend on the shoulder. "Hate to break it to you mate, but that name has already been taken."
As Ron sobbed openly a very familiar and annoying voice was heard.
"May I make a suggestion?"
The superhero gang sans a name looked at the front of the car where a screen with Albus Dumbledore's face had appeared.
"Have you been eavesdropping on us?" Hermione asked.
"Of course not, my dear," Albus answered. "That would be a violation of your privacy and against everything I stand for."
Severus lifted his super eyebrow that had the power to mesmerize and make everyone ask "just how does he do that?".
"Then how did you know what we were talking about, Albus?"
"Um," Dumbledore's eyes darted around the room, looking for someone to pin the blame on.
"Fawkes told me!" he squeaked.
Fawkes cawed in protest. He was always getting the blame and none of the credit. Every brilliant thing Dumbledore had done over the years had been Fawkes doing. The man would be lost without him. He was the one who had told Dumbledore that Princess Ginny was missing in the first place. Heck, he was the one who told Dumbledore that his glasses were on top of his head each morning.
Paranoid as the Headmaster was, he still had an opinion to share.
"You shall be named The Fanciful Four. End transmission. Now where did I put my glasses?"
Deciding not to tell him that they could still see him, the members of Fantastic Four decided to put it to a vote. But as the author had already started calling them by the name and her opinion was more important, they were outvoted 400 to 4.
"I'm calling my agent about this," Severus grumbled.
"Page 394 of Fanfiction: A History states that characters are subjected to the will of the writer and are not allowed to do anything of their own choosing," Hermione declared.
While Severus shook his fist at the sky and muttered obscenities at the writer, Ron spoke up.
"I've read that book. It has pretty pictures."
Hermione turned to stare at Ron. "I didn't know you could read."
Suddenly, a billboard came into view. Hermione pointed at it and told Ron to read it.
"Well come to Vole die morts sea crete hid eout."
Next ep: Dr. Von Voldymort has unexpected guests for tea. Will he have enough crumpets to go around? Find out next time on…The Fanciful Four.