Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Harry Potter. And I don't own the lines I took from Clue. Or Hook, Alice in Wonderland, Rinse the Blood off My Toga...I could go on, but that's actually it.

Ch. 3 "In Which More Bad Jokes Are Made"

"Are you quite sure you won't have some more tea?"

Princess Ginny shook her crowned head. "No, I can't have anymore tea because I haven't had any tea to begin with."

Dr. Von Voldymort mwahhahhad. "Such a silly little prince!"

"I'm a princess!" Ginny said, as she stamped her foot.

"Of course you are." Dr. Von Voldymort patted her on the head.

Ginny screamed in frustration. "Somebody save me!"

All of the sudden, the door (which was actually a frame with beads hanging down from it) was blown up.

"Did someone ask for a rescue?" Harry bellowed. He continued, ignoring Ginny when she raised her hand. "Because Wonderboy has arrived."

"Also known as Faintingboy," Snape mumbled under his breath.

Dr. Von Voldymort pranced up to Harry and spat in his face. Harry wiped the saliva off his glasses with his spandex sleeve.

"Thank you," Harry said sarcastically. "I've been meaning to have my glasses cleaned."

The tension was broken by a sudden scream. The superheroes, the villian, and the hostage all looked towards the corner of the room where the noise had originated from. Then they all groaned in unison.

Except for Ron that is, who skipped gleefully over to Rodentman, who was still mourning his newly broken nail.

"Oh Scabby, I've missed you so much!"

Before dear ol' Scabby could escape, Ron had him in a rib breaking, breath annihilating bear hug.

"Ron, you let go of him this instant!" Hermione ordered. "You don't know where he's been."

But Ron was paying no heed to her warning and before you could say 'Bob's your uncle…he is?' Rodentman had apparated away with Ron.

Hermione whirled to face the person whose fault it was.

"Me? What did I do?" Snape asked incredulously.

Hermione crossed her arms. "You're the oldest one here, so you're respons…"

"Actually pookie, I'm the oldest one here," Dr. Von Voldymort interrupted.

"I meant the oldest non-evil person, duh. Now where was I…oh yes, this is all your fault Batgit!"

Severus had learned long ago that there was no point in arguing with Hermione when she was angry. It just ended up in him being a vegetable.

MEANWHILE

"So, whatcha wanna do? Chess? Checkers? Candyland? Life? Hey, hey, what about Scrabble Scabbers? Hah, hah...ugh."

Pettigrew had finally had enough and had zapped Ron with a sleeping spell. There was only so much a rodent could take. He was beyond regret at taking Ron by now. He was closer to the "jumping of a bridge" feeling.

He looked towards the door, which was an actual door in this lair and started counting. "Five, four, three, two, one…"

BOOM

"Ready or not, here we are!" Harry bellowed.

Severus groaned. "Must you always make a grand announcement anytime you enter a room?"

"Must you always make a sarcastic remark after I make a grand announcement anytime I enter a room?" Harry replied.

"I…" Severus started. Harry had him there.

"Speaking of people who have people somewhere.." Hermione said.

Harry and Severus looked sheepish.

"I don't get it," Ron commented. "And why do those two look like sheep?"

The characters were about to groan when they decided to be random and didn't. Anyway…

"You'll never get me to reveal my evil plan!" Rodentman yelled.

Severus looked confused. "You have a plan? I thought you were just being spontaneous in heronapping the twit."

"Oh yeah," Rodentman remembered. "I forgot."

"Harry, jog his memory," Severus commanded.

Harry hit Rodentman on the head. Rodentman proceeded to collapse onto the floor.

"Sorry guys," Harry said sheepi…said. "I didn't mean to jog him so hard."

Hermione was so tired that she didn't mind Severus rolling her eyes for her.

A few minutes later the Fantastic Four, plus a royal, were packed into the Gitmobile.

"Do we have everything?" Hermione asked.

"Three idiots in the back and two bad guys in the trunk," Severus said as he looked over his shoulder. "Yep, we're all set."

They drove in peace and quiet for 4 minutes and 12 seconds to be exact. (Princess Ginny had a stopwatch.) Then the quiet was interrupted by, you guessed it, Ron.

"Are we there yet?"

"No and if you ask again I'll hex your…socks off," Severus sneered.

Exactly 3 minutes and 40 seconds later….

"I wanna go home," Ron sobbed.

Severus was about to make good on his earlier threat when Hermione grabbed his wand away from him.

"You need to be more caring. Ronald is having a personal crisis."

"Yeah, it's called his life!" Severus exclaimed.

Approximately 2 minutes and 30 seconds later…

"I miss my mommy!"

And then the place where Ron once sat was occupied by a lesser form of life.

"Snape!" Harry yelled.

"Wha…it wasn't…," Snape sputtered. He pointed towards Hermione. "She did it. As much as I'd like to I can't turn Weasley into a carrot at will."

Harry glared at Hermione, who nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders.

"Snape's been a bad influence on you Hermione," Harry scolded.

"The man was crying for his mother for pete's sake!" Hermione screamed. "And think how much happier he'll be as a carrot."

Even though Hermione did have a point, Harry was the boy-who-lived-to-defeat-evil-crazies and he couldn't have food for a best friend. He had his reputation to protect after all.

After glaring at Hermione again, she begrudgingly turned Ron back. One would think the whole thing was a complete and utter waste of time, but it would prove to be yet another pathetic attempt to further the plot.

"Hey guys, I just had an apostrophe!" Ron announced.

"I think you mean epiphany," Hermione corrected, while wondering how he could have had an increase in mental ability while a vegetable.

Ignoring Hermione's comment, Ron continued. "Now that we've captured all the bad guys, aren't we out of a job?"

Suddenly, something fell out of the sky and landed in the middle of the road. Severus swerved and brought the Gitmobile to a stop by the side of the road.

"Is everyone alright?" he asked.

Muffled screams of "horrid treatment", "the Geneva Convention", and "my lawyer" came from the trunk, but they were ignored as the Fanciful Four plus one climbed out of the car.

Once they got closer to the heap, they realized that the heap was not a heap, but Draco Malfoy, with a dagger in his back.

"That's a funny place to carry a dagger."

"Draco's been murdered!"

"Well, that's pretty strange considering Hermione blew him up."

"That's what we call overkill."

"Totally unnecessary."

"Why would anyone want to kill him again?"

Everyone turned to stare at Ron, who had carried on a six-person conversation by himself.

Severus leaned towards Hermione. "You know, there is room in the trunk," he said as he motioned towards Ron.

"Are you insane?" Hermione questioned while raising an eyebrow, proving that she had indeed been spending too much time with Severus. "We may be taking them to Azkaban to have their souls sucked out by dementors, but that's no reason to torture them."

Severus shook his head. He had to get out of there.

Next episode: Who killed Draco? And more importantly, why did theybring him back from the dead only to kill him again?