Disclaimer: I hate everyone. But I really hate J.K. Rowling, because she owns Harry Potter and Co. and that means I don't.
Ch.4 "The Conclusion"
"I know who dunnit!"
Severus glanced up at Harry, who was obviously very pleased with himself.
"Voldyfart was in the trunk the whole time, so it couldn't have been him," he explained very slowly.
"Oh." Harry looked crestfallen.
Ron looked perplexed. "Just how does a crest fa…."
Before Ron could finish his undeniably stupid question, Severus came up with a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. He interrupted him. And then he went on to share some information with the gang.
"To cut to the point, I know that Draco and his father had been arguing recently about the Marriage Law. Although that would be an incredibly stupid reason to kill your son," Severus disclosed. " On the other hand, we are talking about Lucius."
Harry's face took on a puzzling look while Hermione blushed and Ron continued to look stupid.
"What's the Marriage Law?"
"Honestly, don't you know anything Potterhead?" Snape snaped. "The Marriage Law was made by the Ministry of Magic's WIKTT Division. Under the rules, Draco had to marry a muggleborn, but he…well, let's say he played for the other team."
"Bad guys?"
"No Harry, the other…other team," Hermione explained, somewhat lamely.
Harry nodded his head, still confused while Ron started doing a SS Guns and Handcuffs cheer.
After watching Ron attempt a high kick, the heroes went back to the Gitmobile and drove off towards Malfoy Manor, knowing nothing of the fate that awaited them.
"Does SHE always have to be so dramatic?" Severus sighed.
"SHE does have a tendency to do that," Hermione agreed.
"What's an other other team?" Harry wailed from the back seat.
Princess Ginny, who had been relatively silent considering the author had forgotten about her, whispered some helpful tidbits into Harry's ear.
Harry quickly rolled down the window and upchucked the contents in his stomach. After he rolled the window back up he turned back to the Princess. "That was gross….that was completely wrong…that had absolutely nothing to do with my question!"
Princess Ginny grinned. Sometimes it was good to be bad.
Just as the old grandfather clock in Malfoy Manor struck 12, the Fanciful Four, a princess, and two very distressed bad guys reached their destination. Severus had just pulled the Gitmobile into the driveway when a loud thump came from a positive vertical direction.
"There's something on the roof," Ron whispered.
Suddenly the something on the roof let out a loud war cry quite similar to that yelled by Xena Warrior Princess. Severus only hoped Lucius wasn't wearing the matching outfit.
"Are you alright Severus?" Hermione asked when she saw the pained look on Severus's face.
He nodded his head. "Just remembering some rather painful memories of being a Death Eater."
"Yes, I can imagine," Hermione said soothingly as she placed a hand on his arm. "If you need someone to talk to…"
Tears started to well up in Severus's eyes. "No, it's too horrible."
"I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself. What is it, torture? Murder? Rape? Whatever it is, I can handle the truth!"
Severus sighed. "I was just reliving those damn Death Eater Christmas parties. They get me every time."
If not for the fact that there was some madman trying to slash his way through the roof of the car, Hermione might have done something she might have later regretted. But as it was, a madman was slashing through the roof and she didn't feel like being decapitated.
A hurried counsel was held on what the best plan of action would be. Severus wanted to reverse the car really fast, which would hopefully cause Lucius to fall off, run the bastard over and then ask questions. Hermione, in her infinite wisdom, realized it was easier to question someone who was actually alive. Before they could argue anymore though, the object of debate managed to rip a whole in the roof causing a unanimous vote of "let's get the hell out of the car".
Staring up at Lucius from the ground, they could all see that he was wearing a black mask with matching spandex attire. It was like a flashback to Christmas's of years ago. "Best not to dwell on that," Severus thought.
"Have much fear! The Man in Black is here!" Lucius yelled.
"Lucius," Severus drawled, "we know it's you."
"I do not know this Lucy-person you speak of. I am the Man in Black," Lucius…I mean, the Man in Black cried.
Hermione snorted. "So, why are you at Lucius's house if you don't know him?" she taunted.
"Um," Lucius paused, taken off guard with this piece of logic, "Tupperware party?"
Harry chortled.
Ron guffawed.
Hermione got out her thesaurus and looked up more synonyms.
"Give up you measly pack of pachyderms. You're no match for my pureblooded ego. Who among you could actually give me a challenge? The scar with a body attached to it? The man with hair almost as girlish as mine? The filthy bookaholic girl?…"
"Better watch you tongue Lucius," Severus warned. "Your son was killed for the same mistake. Well...at least the first time he died was because he made the same…," Severus paused and took his foot out of his mouth. He then continued, his foot firmly on the ground.
"Listen pal, we didn't come here to be insulted. We came here to capture you, throw you in the trunk along with the other scum, and then…do other stuff."
"How productive," Lucius replied. "But first, you'll have to catch me." And with those words he took a flying leap and fell flat on his face.
Ron giggled. You could never say his telepathic power to tie people's shoelaces together wasn't useful.
Severus quirked an eyebrow. He had finally realized why Weasley was born.
After tying Lucius up and throwing him in the trunk with the others, the gang took off towards their new destination…Azerbaijan Prison.
"Wait, I thought it was called Azka…oh look a pretty butterfly."
And thus Ron forgot that he actually had a point.
When the gang reached Azerbaijan they threw the three bad guys into the prison without so much as a phone call or reading of their Miranda Rights.
"It sucks to be a bad guy," Rodentman grumbled.
The gang each rolled their own eyes and started to walk of into the sunset. I say started to because they didn't get very far before...
"Wait!"
Our characters turned around and then wished that they could take back the action. It, also known as Albus Dumbledore, was back.
After clearing his throat, Dumbledore look sorrowfully at them all, "I'm sorry, but the story is ending. You might come back in a one-shot, but as of now you are no longer needed."
"What in the blazes are you talking..."
Severus's question was cut short. It might have had something to do with the fact that his head had been cut short as well. Short as in off his body.
Before anyone else could scream they all, one by one, disappeared.
All of them that is, except Dumbledore, whose eyes were twinkling dangerously.
"I lied. I had an ulterior motive," he admitted mischievously. "Welcome to the Adventures of Albus Dumbledore!"
Author's Note: I apologize for taking too long. What can I say? The plot bunnies were on vacation in Texas. They seem to do that a lot.