A/N: There are mentions of suicidal thoughts and alcoholism!

Somehow, in his drunken stupor, Inuyasha found himself again at the pool. In the wee hours of the morning, daylight began to spill over the mountains in the distance, His vision was blurry, the world seemed to spin around him. A hand reached up to rub at the side of his head.

At first, he drank to forget about the dreadful conversation he'd had with his future, er, ex-future sister-in-law. And then he got angry with himself, because in retrospect he could see why Rin blamed him for their split, and he hated it.

Everything leads back to me.

It didn't matter in what lens he looked at this situation, it was his fault.

Everything was his fault.

With an abundance of drunken care, he lowered himself onto the soft grass near the pool, before the concrete, and just stared. He stared at the light, blue color of the water, the way it rippled and swayed with each gust of wind that blew. The water looked so enticing, inviting even.

He hated to admit it, but sometimes, when he was alone in his cold apartment in New York City...he thought about what it would feel like to drown in the tub. What it would be like to feel the water fill up his lungs, to have his eyesight blur, until all he sees is this deep, dark, blackness.

What would it be like to not...feel?

It was easy, when things like this happened, to think about how much better off everyone would be if he just...disappeared. Vanished off of the face of the earth. Buried six feet under, never to be spoken of, or remembered, again.

No one would miss him, not really. Maybe Miroku, but, Miroku would get over it. They barely talked as just "friends" anymore anyways. Everything was always brand deals and appearances and contracts and negotiations. Miroku was there for him, he knew that...but...Inuyasha didn't feel like he was. He felt more like a business partner these days.

He shivered as another gust of wind blew. It was supposed to be mid-July, but the mornings were cold in Vermont. Something that normally, Inuyasha would have enjoyed. But right now all he wanted to do was cuddle into bed, pull the covers up over his head and pretend, even if just for a moment, that he doesn't exist.

Unfortunately for him, that couldn't happen. His hand pulled at a fistful of grass, ripping it out from the ground as he pound his fist. The only real reaction he'd had to what had happened, besides drinking. He pounded his fist down on the ground again, it made a deep thud upon hitting the soil. It hurt, but he kept doing it until his arm got tired, and his hand began to throb and the area that he hit had become a sort of hole, a dip in the grass. He felt his stomach lurch, and it was enough to have him jump to his feet and run toward the pool.

He kneeled, silver hair just barely brushing against the surface of the water. He opened his mouth just slightly, taking shaky gulps of air into his lungs, trying to keep himself from vomiting for what might have been the second time. Or third, he honestly couldn't remember much.

His heightened sense of hearing picked up on the neigh of one of the horses, which reminded him of Kagome, which reminded him of the paparazzi. Which brought forth, one singular thought that echoed against all the others in his mind:

You are not alone right now. Get up.

With the little strength he had he got up, without vomiting, and steadied himself, staring at the door that led back inside the house. To privacy. He wanted to go back inside, he'd no idea how he even made it out of the house...but he had, and now it was time to get back in.

If only his compromised balance would let him.

Inuyasha had sobered up, but only slightly. The need to throw up had gone away, thanks to his sudden realization that he might not be completely alone, despite it being early morning. Taking another deep breath, he took a careful step toward the door, and then another one, until he reached it, a shaky hand reaching for the doorknob and turn it, pushing the door open.

Of course, he came face to face with the kitchen. And of course it was littered with evidence of his binge. There was a broken glass bottle that was neatly pushed aside on the floor, its pieces crunched as the door pushed against it. He looked up from the pile and directly across the kitchen into the living room, where Kagome and Myoga stood.

His heart and stomach dropped to the pits of hell, if at all possible.

The look on Kagome's face was enough to sober him up completely. Her brown eyes looked sorrowful, almost to the verge of tears, the way she hugged herself, as if trying to comfort herself. The sigh as she looked away.

"What the fuck is your problem?" His words were harsh, he could smell his own breath.

"Inuyasha…" Myoga started. He opened his mouth as if to speak once more, and then sighed heavily, a hand running across his balding head. "Inuyasha...my boy."

"Don't call me that shit." Inuyasha growled, slamming the door shut. "It's early. Why are you awake Kagome?" He didn't question why Myoga was awake, he knew why. Training usually starts early in the morning. Kagome glanced up at him, and then looked over to Myoga.

"I came downstairs for some water and saw what the kitchen looked like and...I woke up Myoga." Kagome admitted. "I...never knew you.."

There was something about her voice that made Inuyasha hate it. Something in the way she responded to him, the somber tone, the pity.

"Oh shut up with that pity shit." Inuyasha snapped. "I," he stumbled momentarily, and decided to take a few steps forward to hold on to the edge of the island countertop, "it…"

There wasn't any type of explanation that he could pull out of his ass for this one.

"I'm working on it." He lied.

No he wasn't.

"Hm." Kagome vocalized, "How long…"

"I'm not—"

"How. Long. Inuyasha?"

He looked at her. Like really looked at her.

Myoga excused himself, sensing that he didn't want to be around for whatever was going to come next. He turned on his heel, noticing Renkotsu starting to turn the corner, he shooed him away.

"Years." He admitted, and he realized, for the first time, that he was being open with her. Really open with her. He'd "told" her before, sure, but she took it as a joke. He played it off as one, anyways. But there was no playing now. There was a level of seriousness in the air around them that...it set him on edge. Inuyasha wasn't sure how she was going to react, so he hung his head and waited for the eventual screaming that would come. He mentally prepared himself to be berated and belittled and…

That never came.

He heard sniffling, and his head shot up, golden eyes squinted at her.

Is she crying?

Kagome's hand shot up to wipe away the tears, and she quickly turned on her heel, giving him her back as she tried to compose herself but she couldn't control the crying. It was spontaneous; she didn't think that she would cry. She felt like she needed to do something, but she wasn't sure what. How do you cope with this?

How the fuck do you cope with this?!

She wasn't told about this!

When she signed the agreement, she wasn't expecting to be dealing with this, to be around this to…

It just wasn't fair to her.

She felt like her own well-being wasn't being considered and then she stopped herself. Kagome realized that she was being disgustingly selfish and self-centered in a moment when she shouldn't be. "I..I'm sorry, Inuyasha." She said weakly, sniffling as she turned back around.

"Fuck are you sorry for?" Inuyasha spat back, he hiccuped. "Ain't your problem."

"How can I help you?" Kagome asked, wringing her hands. "Can I help you...clean up?" To be completely honest, Kagome still had no idea what type of bomb had just been dropped on her, but right now wasn't the time to try to unpack everything. At the moment, she had two priorities. The first was to clean up the mess he had created, the second was to make sure he was okay. Both physically and mentally. She didn't move, instead she waited patiently for him to tell her what to do.

She wasn't going to start doing something he didn't want her to.

It seemed all Inuyasha could do was stare at her, amber eyes darkened slightly, his eyes narrowed in her direction. "Are you asking out of fucking pity? I don't need fucking help."

"No!" Kagome said nervously, waving her hand. Mentally, she cursed Myoga for leaving her to deal with a drunken Inuyasha on her own. "I..I just want to make this easier for you."

"You can't save me, if that's what you think you're going to do." Inuyasha grumbled darkly, running a hand through his knotted hair. "You can't save me, you can't help me, you can't change me."

"People have tried," He started after a few seconds, "they've tried so many times. Miroku has tried. Sesshomaru tried. Rin...she would have tried." He looked up from his hands, and shook his head. "Don't care what type of idea you got runnin' through that pretty lil head of yours, girl. It's not going to help. I'm stuck like this, I'm stuck being this fucked up. I am rotten to the fucking core and ain't shit going to change about that...you hear me?"

"You've...kept it hidden so well." Kagome stammered. "I won't tell." She realized it was such a strange thing to say but nothing else was coming up. To be such a public figure, and keep such a vulnerable, raw side of you hidden...that alone had to be exhausting. She imagined that every single move he'd made in the public eye, they had to be tailor, to some degree. To save face.

"Like shit you won't tell, you know the amount of money you could make from exposing me? You could ruin my career. You hate me that much, don't you?" Inuyasha growled at her, and Kagome jerked her head back. "So do it. Go ahead."

"I care about you Inuyasha...I...I would never do that to you." Kagome breathed, taking a step forward. "I won't tell, I promise."

The truth was, every fiber of her being was screaming at her to tell. Every fiber of her being was telling her to call the local hospital, the mental health center, Miroku, Rin...anyone! He looked rough. There were bags under his eyes, his eyes looked tired, his hair was a mess. His shirt was disheveled and his sweatpants had dirt on them from being outside. "How long were you out there?"

"I don't know...I don't know how I got there."

"Did you black out?" Kagome took a few steps forward, moving away from the couch and making her way slowly to the kitchen.

"Yeah…"

"Why? What set it off?"

He knew what Kagome was trying to do. She was doing her psych-whatever shit. That shit she studied, he'd seen it in movies, had it happen at the therapy sessions he had as a kid. "I know what you're doing." Inuyasha said, shaking his head. "Look, if you want to clean this shit up, be my guest. It's one less thing I need to do when I wake up later, got it?"

There was an angry bite to his voice, that caused Kagome to stop in her tracks, and nod. He nodded back, and shuffled out of the kitchen, leaving her alone with the disaster in the kitchen. She stared at it, one part in wonder, the other in utter horror. She knew Inuyasha had some underlying issues. It was obvious in the way he presented himself, his demeanor with others, the way he constantly flipped between hot and cold. It was his inability to trust that she wouldn't tell that finally solidified it for her. Everything else could be chalked up to just being plain grumpy.

But this? Telling her that she could easily make money from his secret?

That was a red flag. She ran a hand through her hair nervously. "What the fuck have you gotten yourself into, Kagome?"

The day passed by. The house had an eerie silence to it, as if the walls around her were holding in their own breath. Kagome spent much of the day trying to make sense of the morning but she couldn't.

She fucking couldn't.

She wasn't surprised.

Or was she?

No, she wasn't. She had an idea.

"It's late." Kagome muttered to herself as she looked at the time on her phone. 8:30. It was 8:30 and he had yet to wake up. She'd tried to go to his room, just to check (make sure he's still breathing, mostly). However, Myoga, like the watchful guardian he is, was always there in the blink of an eye. Right before she could even open his door.

"Not right now, hon. He needs time."

He'd had enough of that, she thought, he needs to eat.

What does he like?

I never asked…

Something warm, and filling. Like…

Curry. Katsu curry.

Kagome didn't really give it a second thought, she pulled herself out of the bed, pulled a crop top on over her sports bra, and traded her running shorts for a pair of sweatpants before quietly leaving her room.

When she went downstairs she found Myoga sitting on the couch, watching television, no doubt trying to find a way to numb his own brain after what happened that morning. His head turned in her direction. "Kagome...are you alright, dear?"

"Yes, I was wondering if you know where Inuyasha's keys are? I'd like to go to the grocery store." Kagome responded, "hoping they aren't in his room."

"Ah," Myoga strained his neck, "you drive?" He asked, trying to look around to find the keys. "I think...I saw them in the kitchen. In one of the drawers. The one just to the right of the fridge."

Kagome nodded, turning toward the kitchen. She walked over to the drawer and opened it, finding his car keys buried under a bunch of chargers and take-out chopsticks; the shitty kind you get with your to-go sushi order. Her thumb dragged across the Mercedes emblem.

"Do you mind me driving you, hon?" Myoga called after a few short moments, "I can if you need me to, I don't mind."

She realized that Myoga was probably offering to drive to get himself out of the house, any excuse to get out seemed tempting, even if it meant going to the grocery store in town. Kagome nodded once more. "Sure, thank you."

"It's not a problem at all." Myoga reassured her, pushing himself off of the couch. "Besides, lord knows I need a breather after...that." He smiled at her as he took the keys out of her hand. "Are you making him something to eat?"

"Y-yes. He's been sleeping all day, I figured he'd be hungry when he finally wakes up."

The car ride into town and to the grocery store was mainly quiet, neither one of them really spoke. Until they were close to the market, stopped at a red light, Myoga said:

"You're a good woman, Kagome."

It caught her off guard, she had to take a second to think. "Why?"

"You didn't turn away from him when you saw him at his worst. You saw someone with a bad reputation at their absolute worst this morning and instead of assuming that everything you've ever read about him online was true...you asked if you could help."

"I've spent the last few months by his side," Kagome responded, looking over to the old trainer, "I know Inuyasha is a good guy."

"Aye, he is. He's a good boy. Just...struggles with some inner demons. Inuyasha will be okay though, he always is. That one's a fighter, both literally and figuratively." Myoga glanced in her direction as he pulled into the parking spot. "Surprised the grocery store is still open, it's 9 pm."

It was awkward going to the grocery store. The town they were in was small, and everyone knew that there was a celebrity in town. They saw Inuyasha with her the morning after they arrived in Vermont. So when she walked in with Myoga, it was as if the air held its own breath. She could feel the stares, the whispering in the aisles. At one point, when she reached for some onions, a woman came over to her. She stared for what seemed like a few seconds too long and then spoke:

"I'm sorry...I just...are you...are you his wife?"

Kagome furrowed her eyebrows at her. "Wife? Whose?"

"That fighter, I heard from E! News he was staying nearby….gosh what's his name? He's real attractive—"

"Inuyasha."

"Yes!" The woman exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "Inuyasha! Are you his wife?"

"No," Kagome smiled, the woman's excitement faltered, "I'm his girlfriend."

"Ah! I was so close! Anyways, I saw you two the other day, when you came in. I thought to myself 'man what a beautiful couple', and then I went and looked him up and I didn't think he would have such a nasty reputation and you went to Harvard? How does that work out?" The woman laughed, "It's crazy! But anyways, I just wanted to say...beautiful and I mean beautiful couple, you two are such breathtaking beings, and the way he looked at you that day...I wish my husband still looked at me—"

"Kagome, here, you almost forgot the panko." Myoga interrupted the rambling woman and for that Kagome was eternally grateful because she truly had no idea how to get her to stop talking and how to do it gracefully. She already had panko in the shopping cart, but an extra container wouldn't hurt. Kagome quickly grabbed the onions, and carrots, pretending to listen to the woman ramble and shooting her a small smile.

"...And my daughter. She is in love with your man, she truly is. That girl can never shut up about him, I had to ban his name in my household. So you tell him he's in trouble with me! What are the odds I see you here again?!"

"Oh yes, I'll be sure to pass along the information." Kagome lied, faking a laugh. When she tilted her head away she rolled her eyes at Myoga. Is this what it feels like to be famous? God...I hate it.

"Actually... where is he?"

"Sick." Kagome said a little too quickly. "Yes! He's sick, coming down with a nasty summer cold." She glanced down at her smart watch. "Oh gosh, is it 9:30 already?" Kagome looked up and gave the chatty (she could say, nosey woman) an apologetic look. "Sorry, love. I'd love to chat, but he's a bit needy when he's sick. Who knew? Such a tough guy and yet, he melts when he's unwell." With a wave of her hand, she motioned to Myoga to walk. Once she was sure they were out of hearing range for the woman she sighed.

"That was the most exhaustingly talkative woman I've ever met." Kagome said, rolling her eyes as they made their way toward the register. "Nosey as—"

"Careful, Kagome." Myoga shot back, "this town is small, word travels quickly." Kagome opened her mouth as if to speak, but decided to shut up. She wondered for a few moments why the fuck it mattered if the woman found out Kagome thought she was a nosey little bitch.

When they reached the cash register, the teenager at the counter looked at Kagome up and down, and then glanced over her shoulder at the magazine on the que rack. She chewed on her gum, swallowed it, and then spoke. "You're on that magazine, aren't you?"

Kagome turned, locating the magazine that she was referring to, and sure enough there she was. Hand in hand with Inuyasha, looking over to him, smiling. She remembered that night, they'd gone out partying.

He didn't drink much that night…

"Yeah." Kagome responded, "that's uh, that's me."

"Your boyfriend's hot. Wish I had one."

"Trust me, you do—"

Myoga coughed, lightly hitting at her foot with his own. Kagome got the message.

"Relationships are fun, but not always." Like today for example, never thought I'd find out my fake boyfriend is an alcoholic and has been for years. Sure we aren't together, but I've spent the last few months with him, damn near every single fucking day with him! He's a friend! You can't just drop a bomb on me like that and expect me to never try to help, never try to—

Never try to do what?

Never try to fucking what, Kagome?

There was nothing she could fucking do. He said so himself.

"You can't save me, if that's what you think you're going to do." Inuyasha grumbled darkly, running a hand through his knotted hair. "You can't save me, you can't help me, you can't change me."

"People have tried," He started after a few seconds, "they've tried so many times. Miroku has tried. Sesshomaru tried. Rin...she would have tried." He looked up from his hands, and shook his head. "Don't care what type of idea you got runnin' through that pretty lil' head of yours, girl. It's not going to help. I'm stuck like this, I'm stuck being this fucked up I am rotten to the fucking core and ain't shit going to change about that...you hear me?"

He'd been in and out of sleep for the past few hours. Every time his eyes opened, his head began to pound and he was overwhelmed with the urge to vomit, so he just closed them again and pulled the covers up over his head. Every once in a while he would hear voices outside his door, talking about him no doubt.

His eyes looked around the room, but his body didn't move. He squinted, and yawned, his eyes watering just slightly. It was quiet, and mentally he cursed himself for losing control and spiraling again. He cursed himself for fucking up this badly, but mostly...he felt sorry.

Not for himself.

God, no.

He'd done that enough. He felt sorry for Kagome. Who he was sure was probably regretting ever meeting him and, god she must be feeling everything right now.

He stared up at the ceiling, and stretched his hand out. No claws.

"Oh for fucks sake!" He grumbled, groaning as he shot up in bed and then wincing as the pounding in his head had also seemed to lurch forward with him. Everything was amplified, now that he was human for a few hours. His hand clumsily reached out for his phone. It was hot, as if he had laid on it the entire time he was in bed. Indigo eyes squinted against the brightness of the screen. It was damn near midnight. He realized he hadn't eaten anything in over 24 hours, and his stomach was making that very clear, in the most annoying of ways.

Sighing, he forced himself to get up, and hoped to whatever god there was that he wouldn't run into anyone on the way to the kitchen, or in the kitchen. He carefully opened his door, sticking his head out first, and looking both ways, before leaving. He tip-toed down the steps, trying to keep from making too much noise, his hand reaching for the railing to steady himself because he was still a little dizzy.

Inuyasha wasn't sure if it was because of last night or just from sleeping for hours on end, but it was annoying. When he reached the kitchen, his eyes were quick to find the little yellow note on the counter.

I made Katsu Curry, with rice. Your plate is in the microwave. I hope you feel better. Here if you need to talk — xoxo, K

Inuyasha sighed, balling up the note and tossing it aside as he went over to the microwave. He didn't even bother to open it, instead he pressed the reheat button and walked away to pour himself a glass of water. His hearing wasn't as keen, so he couldn't hear the footsteps until they were coming down the hall and he rolled his eyes. Inuyasha just wanted to be alone, damn it, who the fuck—

"You're awake."

There was something in her voice again, the breathiness with which she spoke, as if surprised to see him alive and well. His head turned, to look at her over his shoulder. "Yo…" His voice trailed off slightly, as he held the glass of water up to his mouth.

It was quiet.

They both knew they needed to address the elephant in the room. The question was more so: who's going to bring it up?

"I…" Kagome was cut off by the microwave beeping, and Inuyasha's attention snapped away from her. He's human tonight...good.

Inuyasha reached for his food with one hand, and a spoon with the other, and then turned, leaning against the counter, and crossing one ankle over the other as he took his first bite. It was good. Really good actually. He glanced up at her, slowly pulling the spoon out of his mouth before coming forward, and setting the plate down on the island. "This is good."

"I'm glad you like it." Kagome responded quickly. "I figured...that...you know…given…" She wasn't sure how exactly to say what she wanted to say. But Inuyasha understood her. "You'd need something a little...comforting."

"Thanks."

"Look, Inuyasha. I...I'm not judging you." Kagome announced, although her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't judge people over that. I don't know your life, I don't know why you do what you do but—"

"Kagome…"

"Just—let me finish, okay?" Kagome said, a pleading look in her eyes. Inuyasha sighed heavily, before nodding. "I just...want you to know that I'm here for you if you need anything. You aren't alone. You can talk to me, if you want; I know you tend to be guarded. But the offer is there."

There was silence again as her words hung in the air, and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, nervously waiting for him to talk to her. But he gave her a sort of blank, empty expression. For a few seconds, she felt as if she was staring at his brother.

"You don't need to have fucking pity for me." Inuyasha said.

"I don't."

"Good." He nodded. "Can we just...not talk about it?"

Kagome contorted her face, giving him one of slight disapproval. "I...Inuyasha I can't keep this to myself, I have to tell Miroku, or..I don't know, your brother, or Rin."

"I don't talk to my brother anymore." Inuyasha spat, "and I don't talk to Rin either, they…"

Does she know?

"They split up. The engagement is off, alright? Rin called last night."

Kagome's eyes widened slightly with surprise, and suddenly it all made sense. Everything about today made sense, of course it would.

That's what set him off.

"Why?" She was asking, but she had an idea why. She knew from Sango that Rin hadn't spoken to Sesshomaru in a pretty long time, and neither had Miroku. He'd all but cut everyone out since going to Japan.

"Can we drop the subject?" Inuyasha asked, "I don't want to talk about it. It's over with."

"She blames you..doesn't she? For Sesshomaru going to Japan and just...vanishing from everyone's lives for a bit. Right?"

"No, she doesn't."

Suddenly Kagome was at his side, a hand gently placed on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing to me, Kagome."

"Inuyasha."

"What?!" He turned to look at her, completely forgetting about his food. He felt her arms wrap around him, and his body tensed up. Her head pressed into his chest, her fingertips pressed into the skin of his back with a gentle force. He stared down at her, glaring at her for a few minutes, silently wishing that he could pry her off of him. But every time his hands came up to push gently at her shoulders, she tightened her grip around him, and he had no choice but to give in. His own arms wrapped around the top of her shoulders, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"If you need anything," Kagome's voice was muffled, but he could make it out okay, "I'm here."