The paper in his hands might as well have been a fucking death sentence. His eyes darted from the logo in the corner, his address, his name, and then those two pesky fucking words.

UFC.

Inuyasha Takahashi.

Drug Test. Drug. Test.

He felt his mouth grow dry, he licked his lips and tried to swallow. He couldn't. Myoga was talking to him but he wasn't exactly paying attention.

"Inuyasha… Inuyasha? Hey—" Before Myoga could reach forward and touch his shoulder, Inuyasha shifted. His shoulder moved away, eyes tearing away from the paper.

"What?" Inuyasha asked, but his voice sounded foreign to himself. He cleared his throat and tried again, "what?" Better. Much better.

Fuck.

Myoga pointed down at the notice in Inuyasha's hands, a finger tapping gently on the corner. "Don't miss this, alright?" His voice was stern, he raised his eyebrows as he looked up at Inuyasha. "Do you understand me? What day are you going?"

"Tomorrow."

"What time?"

Inuyasha blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"What time, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha stuttered. Why the fuck was he stuttering? "Th-Three o'clock."

"Good." Myoga sent Inuyasha off and then before he left, Myoga called him back. "Oh by the way," he started, "why are you so nervous? You have nothing to worry about."

You have nothing to worry about.

That sentence alone sent Inuyasha into a fucking spiral. He could feel his hands begin to grow cold and shake. His face grew hot and then cold, and then searing hot again. Inuyasha tried to offer Myoga a smile. Words came out of his mouth but he wasn't sure what he was saying. His mind was in a completely different place. There was one sentence that stuck out and was repeated like a broken record in his brain.

There was no way in hell he was passing that drug test.

Absolutely none. It just wasn't possible.

He'd fucked up. Royally. There was a pit in his stomach.

"I… Myoga, I'm gonna go home. I don't feel well." His eyes stayed glued to the floor, feigning interest in it. Was that crumb always there before?

Myoga opened his mouth as if to speak, but when Inuyasha looked up and met his eyes he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. "Inuyasha…"

"Bye, Myoga."

"Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha paused, turning back to face Myoga.

"What did you do on your birthday?"

"Huh?"

Myoga's eyes darkened, he sat down slowly, fingers gently tapping against his desk. "What did you do, Inuyasha?"

What did you do, Inuyasha?

Inuyasha swallowed hard, eyes squinting, head recoiling as if he'd just been delivered some shocking news. "Um…"

"...You don't seem confident about passing this test…"

That made him panic. The letter was dropped, his hands waving in front of him as if bracing himself. He was a grown-ass man but at that moment he was a four-year-old who had just done a bad thing. "I'll fix it." He said, nodding his head, "I'll fix it, I will."

Myoga's heart sank. No. "Inuyasha…what did you take?"

There was a pause so heavy with all types of emotions that it made Myoga feel like it was hard for him to breathe. He started rubbing at his chest, in the area where his heart should have been. "My god, child…" he started, "my god…"

"Myoga please—"

"Inuyasha…do you understand what the consequences of not passing can be? Do you know?"

"Yes but…but…Myoga it's the UFC!" His voice faltered, crumbled, and finally broke. "They're pretty lax, right?! Right?! I mean…I…there have been a few who didn't pass and nothing happened!"

"Yes, Inuyasha, and you know why? The directors like them." Myoga hissed, "You are nothing but a headache to the organization. You bring in money, sure, but you're a fucking headache to them." He sighed as he rubbed his head and then asked again, "What did you take?"

Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head, and his nose twitched. Myoga wasn't going to let this shit go. He was a pitbull and at the moment Inuyasha was his favorite fucking chew toy. "I…"

"You…?"

"Myoga, you need to understand that it was a party." He ran a hand through his long hair. It was tangled, his fingers caught onto the knots in the ends. Annoying. "And…I was under the influence. I was drunk."

"That's not my question."

"Cocaine…" his voice dragged a little bit, his eyes instinctively adverted from Myoga, but he could still feel him staring at him. Dark eyes burned holes into every inch of his body. He was screwed. He was fucking screwed and there was nothing he could do about it.

I'm sorry…

"Leave," Myoga said after what felt like an eternity of waiting for a response. "Leave, and don't come back until the drug test is negative. Do you understand?"

What?

"You can't fucking do that to me Myoga! I have a fight to get ready for!"

"It's three weeks away. You've done enough. Do not step foot in this gym until you are clean."

Inuyasha's eyes darkened. His chest rose as he took a deep breath…and then he exhaled quickly. He nodded and left the office. He walked across the hall, went into the locker room, took his things, and left.

When he got into his car he realized that he had left the notice abandoned on the floor of Myoga's office, but he didn't need it. The drug tests were always held at the same lab…or clinic. Whatever the fuck that place was called. Inuyasha felt himself become nervous, his brain was racing at a million miles a second and he needed to ground himself. Taking deep breaths, Inuyasha patted himself down in search of his phone, and eventually found it in a pocket on the side of his bag. He decided to send a text.

Can I go over?

A few minutes went by. Inuyasha nervously tapped a finger on the side of his phone, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. He didn't realize how hard he was biting and pulling at the skin until he started to taste blood. His hands were shaking, breathing became ragged

I'm crashing.

There was a ping, and a message popped up on his screen.

[Miroku: Yo bro. I'm a little busy at the moment lol 😅.]

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and typed again.

It's important.

A few seconds passed.

[Miroku: Sango is deadass yelling at me over the phone rn. Really not a good time.]

What else is new?

Really important…lol. Nothing bad, tho.

Well, that can go down as one of the biggest lies I've ever told.

He turned on his car and decided to start driving to Miroku's apartment anyway because he really, really needed to ground himself and figure out what the fuck to do and Miroku was his best friend.

Miroku was his only friend.

His confidant.

Inuyasha never really felt the need to rely on him, they were adults, and they could handle their problems alone. But in this instance? Inuyasha needed to lay down somewhere where he felt safe, and he didn't want to be alone.

Being alone in his apartment was the last thing he wanted.

A message flashed across the screen in his car.

[Miroku: Ok.]

Miroku's eyes followed Inuyasha from the kitchen, watching as he let himself into the apartment and laid down on the couch. He didn't even try to look over and acknowledge Miroku in the kitchen, with Sango screaming at him on speakerphone. There was something…off. Something was wrong.

He lied.

Instantly, Miroku took his phone off the counter. He tried his best to calm down Sango. "Inuyasha is here," he stated, "He looks…he looks rough. I gotta go, okay? I'm sorry. I love you. I'll make it up to you."

"Miroku!" Sango yelled on the other line, "Are you fucking serious?! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M YELLING AT YOU ABOUT! YOU'RE ALWAYS—" He cut off the call before Sango could yell at him anymore. If she wanted to yell at him, she could do so later that night. But for right now something was wrong and he needed to figure out what it was.

"What's wrong with you?" Miroku asked although the question came out a bit more hostile than he intended it to sound. Inuyasha didn't answer for a long while. His eyes stayed glued on the ceiling, breathing heavy. Miroku's eyebrows furrowed. "...yo…"

"I fucked up," Inuyasha said suddenly, still staring up at the ceiling. "I fucked up and I…"

Inuyasha was beginning to hyperventilate and Miroku quickly lunged forward, taking his friend by the arm and pulling him up to a sitting position. "Take a deep breath." He whispered, "what happened? What did you do? Did you hurt yourself? Kagome?" Inuyasha shook his head no. He hadn't hurt himself. He hadn't hurt Kagome. "Okay. That's good. Do you want water?

Inuyasha nodded. Yes, water, please.

Miroku was quick to reappear with a bottle of water. The coldness of it in Inuyasha's hand made him feel better. So much better. The hotness that was taking over his body was beginning to cool off. "What happened?"

"I fucked up," Inuyasha responded again, looking up at Miroku. "Drug test."

Miroku felt his breath catch in his throat. "Did you fail your drug test, Inuyasha?" His voice lost the concerned edge rather quickly. It was replaced with anger, he spoke through grit teeth as if accusing Inuyasha of doing something. He hadn't done anything, not yet, anyway.

Inuyasha shook his head again. No, he hadn't failed a drug test.

"They test you for performance enhancers, Inuyasha. Anabolic steroids, growth hormones, estrogen blockers, narcotics. Cocaine shows up in blood for two days after use, three days in urine. Ninety in hair." Inuyasha nodded. He knew all of this already. "What type of test is it?"

"I don't know." Inuyasha breathed, shaking his head. "I don't- I…Miroku I fucked up yesterday, okay? I fucked up. I did cocaine. I did a lot of cocaine. I'm—"

"Are you high right now?"

That question broke Inuyasha's brain. It was as if he'd be sliced right in half and just like that he started hyperventilating again. "I'm sorry."

Miroku stepped away from him. He was having a bad high. That was okay. He could deal with this. "How much did you have?"

"I don't remember."

"I need you to confirm with me that you're high right now, Inuyasha."

"I'm high, Miroku. I'm really fucking high." Inuyasha laughed a little bit. "I'm really fucking high and I'm freaking out so bad right now. I really really really—"

"You need to…" He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure what to say. What the fuck does he need to do? Sleep? His eyes quickly scanned over Inuyasha's body. He looked…he looked a little pale. There were bags under his eyes. His cheeks looked a little hollow. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember."

That wasn't an answer he wanted to hear.

"Myoga…Myoga knows…he knows." Inuyasha gulped, nodding his head, and then he started shaking it. His body shook. He sniffled. Was he crying? "He knows, Miroku. It's not a secret."

Miroku sighed. He knew this would happen eventually, and he felt himself fill up with regret once more. He should have taken this away from him the moment he knew Inuyasha had it. He shouldn't have thrown that party. He shouldn't have enabled this. But he did. He did, and now he had to live with it. He had to accept this fact.

Inuyasha was a cocaine addict.

A full-blown cocaine addict..and it was all his fault.

"Okay um.." It was Miroku's turn to be stunned into silence and stammer. He blinked, clammy hands dragging down his shirt. "I..um…I'm gonna make you some food." He muttered. "Do you know when the drug test is? What is it? Blood? Urine test? Hair?"

"Tomorrow. Three. I don't know."

"I don't know."

"I don't remember."

Those seemed to be Inuyasha's go-to answers for everything now. He didn't know. He didn't remember. All he knew was that he was freaking out, he was scared, he was crashing and he needed more cocaine—now. "I'm gonna make a call—"

"No!" Miroku snatched Inuyasha's phone out of his hand. "No fucking calls." He put his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder. "You can delay the test, Inuyasha."

"I don't have a valid excuse."

"You don't technically need to."

"I can get suspended. I can get fined. I won't fight for years. I'm a headache to the organization, I—"

"Inuyasha," Miroku tightened his hand around his friend's shoulder, forcing him to look up at him. "You will be okay. Okay?"

Miroku was lying to him. Inuyasha was fucked. He was royally fucked and Miroku was mentally preparing to fight off the negative press that was going to come barreling towards him, no doubt. It made his stomach sink just thinking about it. "You aren't going to be suspended. I'm going to make your food, okay? Do you want ramen?"

Inuyasha nodded. The ramen sounded good. The ramen was good. It was warm. Warm meant good. Right?

Miroku nodded. "Okay. Ramen. After you eat and calm down, we can find out what type of test it is, okay?" He didn't wait for a response from Inuyasha before walking back toward the kitchen, stuffing his friend's phone in his pants pocket.

When Miroku was back in the kitchen, Inuyasha took the opportunity to get up and walk toward the guest room. The bottle of water Miroku gave him was tossed aside. Long forgotten, and now lukewarm. Before he could even reach the door, he was already stripping off his layers. His shirt was tossed aside. His shoes were kicked into a corner of the hallway. His pants were kicked off as soon as he entered the guest room. Socks were pulled off and before he knew it, Inuyasha collapsed onto the bed. The bed felt warm, better than the couch. His hands dug into the soft covers. Inuyasha buried his face into the sheets. Soft. Oh so soft. "This feels better." He whispered to himself. "This feels good. I'm okay."

Telling himself that he was okay was proving to be more helpful than he thought. "I'm okay." His ears flickered at the sound of pots in the kitchen. He heard Miroku's voice—was he talking on the phone? Food was coming soon. After the food came rest.

The sheets got his attention again. They smelled good. Really good. Like rose water and honey. The scent was familiar. Where had he smelled that before? "Smells good."

Slowly, it felt as if the world around him was expanding. He was starting to feel less suffocated and boxed in. Each breath became easier, less laborious. His eyes were beginning to flutter but he forced himself to stay awake longer.

The comedown was passing. His panic was mellowing out and giving way to a weird feeling of security and acceptance.

He fucked up.

He made some very bad choices.

It was time to own up to those consequences.

But he was sure he would be okay.

There was a knock at the door.

"Food."

Food.

The smell of it alone made him salivate and Inuyasha groaned in response to the second knock, he said something but it was muffled by the covers and sheets that he gripped, his face burying into it. Fuck, he was screwed. He raised a hand over his head, waving around aimlessly. "Just uh…" Inuyasha lifted his head a little bit, "put it..over…somewhere."

"Are you okay?" Miroku asked. The question made him hesitate.

Was he okay?

Sure, he was telling himself that he was okay. But was it working? Now that he was faced with the question…that was debatable.

The answer was no.

Inuyasha was not fucking okay.

It was happening. His life was going up in flames and he was dead center in it, tied to a chair and covered in gasoline. He couldn't run from it. There wasn't any water around to kill the flames. No one was going to solve his problems for him, not now that Sesshomaru wasn't around.

That was terrifying.

The fact that he was tied to a chair, covered in gasoline, and there was no one to blame for the flames that were coming his way but himself.

No.

He wasn't okay.

He wasn't okay at all.

"I found out what type of test it is," Miroku said suddenly, taking a seat in the corner of the bedroom. "It's a urine test." He sighed, crossing his arms. His finger scratched at his bicep, and his mouth twisted, turned, and pulled itself into different shapes.

Inuyasha looked over at him, eyes blinking as if stunned by the news. Miroku's eyes glazed over, and he looked away. "Miroku—"

"No."

Inuyasha set his jaw. "No?"

Miroku shook his head. "No."

He sighed and buried his face back into the covers. There was a muffled scream that followed and then it stopped suddenly, before starting back up. "I'm not helping you fake a drug test. That's a hard no."

"Fine."

When Renkotsu got the text, he felt his heart fall straight through him and down through the floorboards. He was sure it landed somewhere on the kitchen counter of his downstairs neighbor.

[ Yash: Need 2 pass a drug test today. Are you clean?]

At first, Renkotsu contemplated ignoring the message completely. But then he remembered that Inuyasha was perhaps the world's most insistent person. He was going to get an answer from him, and it didn't matter how. A phone call, FaceTime, text message, email, face-to-face. Inuyasha would find a way of getting hold of him.

It was better to just answer.

[Yash: ?]

R u okay?

[Yash: I fucked up. Can you answer my question?]

Renkotsu exhaled loudly, groaning as he leaned over his kitchen counter. Mentally he cursed his brother for putting him in this situation.

…Yea. Yea I am.

[Yash: Otw]

Renkotsu spent several minutes just leaning on his kitchen counter. Hands planted on the smooth, cool surface. Somewhere in the apartment, a clock ticked loudly, filling the silence. Bankotsu wasn't home. He was…somewhere. He wasn't exactly sure.

When he finally pushed himself away from the counter, he walked straight into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Renkotsu took out one of the bigger pill bottles and emptied it into the toilet.

He wondered if that would be enough, before closing the bottle.

He rinsed it with warm water and soap.

A few minutes later there was pounding on the door, and when it was revealed, Inuyasha was standing there. Wearing a black oversized hoodie in August heat, the front pocket of it hung low, as if weighed down by something. His eyes were bloodshot, and his skin was pale, almost as if he was sickly. It made Renkotsu's stomach turn in an uncomfortable way.

He wasn't his usual, perfectly groomed self. "You look rough," Renkotsu said simply, his words cut short. Cold. He wasn't interested in whatever excuse Inuyasha was going to pull out of his ass. "My brother's doing, I bet."

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. "You tell no one, you understand?"

"Why?" Renkotsu blurted out. The word tumbled out of him, it wasn't intentional. Inuyasha reached for the bottle in Renkotsu's hand but he pulled it back. "Answer my question."

"Do you want to lose your job?"

Renkotsu paused.

"I brought you over here. Do you want to lose your job, Renkotsu? Do you want to go back?"

"Stop getting defensive, Inuyasha," Renkotsu muttered, giving the half-demon a dirty look. "It's a simple question."

"...Why are you doing it, Inuyasha?"

"...'Cause I want to. Now hand over the bottle." Inuyasha reached forward again and snatched the bottle from his hand. His free hand fished into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out four stacks of cash. He forced the money into Renkotsu's hand.

"...that's four thousand. Cash. You tell no one, you understand?"

"I don't want your money."

"I didn't ask if you did," Inuyasha grumbled, before nodding and turning toward the elevator.

Renkotsu looked down at his hand, it was starting to hurt.

Four thousand. Cash.

What the fuck is wrong with him? There was a lingering scent as he sniffed the air.

Alcohol.

He smelled of alcohol.

Almost as soon as Inuyasha entered the testing facility, he felt as if he was being watched. The athletes that passed by him looked at him up and down. Every step he took toward the reception desk to sign in felt like it was taking him farther away from it, not closer.

He felt his face get hot, was it because of the hoodie? Is that why people were staring?

It wasn't exactly uncommon for people to—

"Inuyasha Takahashi?" The medical technician said his name and he blinked, looking down at where she was sitting. When the fuck did I get to the desk?

"Uh…y-yeah."

"Date of birth?" The medical technician looked up at him, waiting for him to respond. She looked fed up as if she'd been waiting for an answer for a while.

"August 18th, 1997."

"Last four digits of your social security number?"

Inuyasha gave her the numbers.

"Have you taken any medication, prescription or over the counter, in the last 48 hours?"

"Five hundred milligrams of Tylenol. Yesterday."

"Why?"

"I had a headache."

She handed him a clipboard. "Fill this out, and bring it back when you're done. You'll be tested after."

Inuyasha nodded at her, taking the clipboard from her hands. His hands felt cold. He took a seat in the waiting area and filled out the forms.

No, he hadn't used Marijuana recently.

No, he didn't smoke.

No, he did not have asthma.

No, he did not have a heart condition.

No, he was not on any prescribed medication of any kind.

When he looked up from his clipboard, he noticed Koga standing at the receptionist's desk, answering all the same questions he had just a few minutes earlier.

Just my fucking luck.

With a sigh, Inuyasha got up from his seat and walked back to the desk, handing the clipboard back to the medical technician at the desk as she handed Koga a clipboard. She excused herself for a moment and disappeared behind a door.

"Inuyasha," Koga said as Inuyasha was beginning to walk away, "hey. How are you?"

Inuyasha mentally rolled his eyes but was quick to respond. "I'm uh..alright." He muttered. "Your arm any better from the last fight?" He took note of the bruising around Koga's right eye, and the slight pink color that replaced the white of his eye. Did I break his eye socket?

"The arm's alright," Koga said, lifting the arm in question and moving it around a bit. He didn't say anything but there was a flash of pain across his face when he lifted it over his head. "Eye socket was fractured though. You hit me hard as fuck, man."

Inuyasha couldn't hold back the chuckle that came out of him. "Sort of in the job description."

Koga nodded, and it was his turn to take notice of what Inuyasha looked like. He didn't look good. "Hey bro, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look—"

"Rough night." Inuyasha cut him off. Quickly, and swiftly. Koga narrowed his eyes at him but nodded slowly.

"Right…" Koga said. "Relationship?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "You know how it is."

"I wish, man. You got a dime piece. Kagome's great. "

How the fuck—

"How would you—"

"Listen," Koga cut Inuyasha off, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I apologize for dragging Kagome into our exchange at the press conference. That was completely uncalled for and unnecessary. That was between us, not her and—"

"Koga." Inuyasha's eyes darkened, and he shrugged his hand off. "Stop. There's nothing to apologize for. Fill your shit out." He motioned toward the clipboard that had been long forgotten on the counter.

"What's up with you?"

"Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me that shit? I'm good. I'm good." Inuyasha spat back, snorting. "Christ almighty, people are insufferable." He added under his breath. Koga recoiled and then nodded his head slowly.

"...Huh," Koga said, scanning over Inuyasha before snatching the clipboard off the counter. As he brushed past him, he leaned into Inuyasha's side. "You reek of alcohol, by the way. Humans might not be able to tell, but I'm a demon, remember?"

Inuyasha gave him a shove, and immediately the medical technician that had disappeared behind the door came back out. Her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as she called out Inuyasha's name.

"Go," Koga said, motioning toward the medical technician. "Take your drug test."

"You're here for the same shit."

"I don't look guilty though, do I?" Koga hissed.

Something about how he said that made his brain fog lift, and he snapped out of whatever trance he was in. Guilty?

Do I look guilty?

He turned toward the medical technician, who called for him again and walked toward her, hands stuffed into the pocket of his hoodie. He fiddled with the pill bottle, turning it around in his hands. He prayed to God that this would work.

A different person handed him a small clear cup with a cap. Words couldn't express the relief he felt at having solid evidence that it wasn't a blood test. They told him to go to the bathroom. He did.

Inside the bathroom, Inuyasha hiked up the sleeves of his hoodie and took the hood off of his head. He opened the hot water faucet, and held his fingers under it until it was so hot he had to pull back. There was a moment of pause as he held the empty clear cup in one hand and the pill bottle in the other.

This had to be a new low. The last drug test he didn't pass was his very first year fighting in the UFC, but he was let off with a warning. He was new to the organization and wasn't aware of their doping protocol. He didn't know that weed was one of the substances they tested for back then.

Plus, he lived in California back then.

But he'd passed every drug test since then. Every single one.

This is a one-time thing. I'm not doing this again.

Inuyasha repeated the words in his head as he held the pill bottle under the water, rotating it, letting it warm up.

Once I get my negative results I'm never touching cocaine again. He thought as he poured the contents of the pill bottle into the clear cup. Inuyasha was quick to wrap the bottle in tissue and throw it in the trash. He washed off the cup before washing his hands.

Inuyasha took one last look at himself in the mirror, picked up the cup, and left. He placed it on a counter next to the other tests and gave the medical technician a smile.

"You'll get your test results in a few hours. If you don't, feel free to call the lab and ask." The technician said. Inuyasha nodded in response, and then he left.

I'm never doing cocaine again.

And then—because the universe's timing is always spot fucking on—he got an Instagram DM. The notification rang loud and clear in the lab.

[Sango_96: Can we talk?]

Oh my fucking god, you've got to be kidding me.