AN- hello all! third chapter up and ready to go. it's my longest chapter so far, and my favorite, mainly 'cause Hughes is in it (and i kinda randomly changed the way i spelled Hughes from one chapter to the next, but o well!) and whenever Maes Hughes is in anything, it's funny. something i realized while writing this chapter, some future chapters may not be exactly 'child-friendly' in terms of words and sexual reffrences. i rated this T, but if i have any chapters that are a bit wilder, i'll warn first, just in case. ok, thats all for now...thanks to my reviewers, u guys really make my-otherwise amazingly boring-day!

disclaimer--because the idea of a 17 year old fangirl owning a huge hit like FMA makes so much sence.

Roy

Really, it hadn't been entirely Roy's fault. What it was, really, was a giant mistake, the failing of Riza to be able to see through him the way she usually could, the failing of Roy to show her his true intentions. Really, if you wanted to place blame on someone, you would have to blame everyone, starting from Hughes and working your way on down. And you would have to start earlier that day, when Hughes had first burst into Mustang's office, only to find him making paper airplanes out of the Important Documents he was supposed to be signing. Being Hughes, he might not have noticed for a while, if a bad throw by Roy hadn't caught him right upside the head.

"Ow! Darn it, Roy, you have no sense of aim!"

"Relax, Hughes, it's only a paper airplane." Roy stretched, absently wondering if he could hit Hughes again when his guard was up.

"A paper airplane made out of official military documents! You do realize those things were not given to you so you could practice your flying skills. Which suck, by the way."

Roy shrugged. It was pretty obvious that the military's paperwork was not high on his list of priorities, colonel or not. "Eh, I have to do something to keep myself awake. Not to mention, my aim was fine until you came in here…." He smirked. "What do you think that means?"

"That you haven't had your Elysia fix today!"

"Wha…!" Roy cursed as Hughes, beaming, produced a large box crammed with pictures of his daughter.

"Look, look, Roy! She's gotten so much bigger then in the last pictures!"

"Hughes! You just showed me new pictures yesterday! How much bigger could she possibly have gott—"

"And look!" Hughes didn't seem to notice Roy's eye twitching. "Look at her riding that tricycle! She's a regular speed-demon! Come on, Roy, isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Hughes snickered. "Oh, wait, I forgot. To you the cutest person would be Riza—"

"Damn it, Hughes!" Roy slammed his hands down on the desk; Hughes didn't blink an eye. "I've already told you, don't go yelling that out loud!" Roy really regretted ever confiding in his best friend about how he was beginning to feel like his feelings for his first lieutenant were not exactly 'proper.' (They weren't G-rated any more, that was for sure.) Not like he had a choice, though. Hughes had that infuriating quality of being both a good eavesdropper, and extremely perceptive about the relationships between people. He'd been suspecting something was up for years, and he'd been bugging Roy about it for even longer. The only thing that he seemed as interested in as his family, was Roy's personal life. Roy had no idea why. Frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to know why.

Plus, the day that Roy'd spilt his guts was also the day he found, opened, and drank an entire bottle of some nice, alcoholic substance in one sitting, just because.

"But Royyy, it's driving me nuts!" Hughes whined. "If you don't tell her soon, she'll find someone else!"

"Don't be stupid, Hughes." Roy knew better then to say 'so what' by now. He used to say that whenever Hughes informed him that time was running out, but lately…well…the last time he'd seen her talking to another man, he had a sudden urge to strangle him….and the man was Second Lieutenant Havoc, too. And they'd both been at work. And she'd been yelling at him for something. And there was absolutely nothing even slightly romantic going on between them. And….and….and it was just too damn obvious by now, at least to him and Hughes, that he was jealous of any guy who could hold Riza Hawkeye's attention for more then five seconds.

"Hey, you're the one being stupid. Riza's a gorgeous girl. Not as pretty as my Gracia, maybe, but then again, who is? The point is," he added hastily as Roy's eye began twitching again, "is that other people- other guys- are gonna start noticing her. Everyone who works with her already has. And sure, she ignores them, but I mean, do you really wanna risk losing her to some other dude?"

Roy sighed. Hughes already knew the answer to that. No, he didn't want to watch her go out with some other guy, no, he didn't want to have to keep watching from a distance, but…but he couldn't really help it. As he'd already explained to Hughes a dozen times, if not more, he didn't act the way he usually did when she was around. He had absolutely no problems picking up girls, usually- hell, he was infamous for the amount of girls he'd had over the years. Havoc still complained about the number of girlfriends Roy had stolen from him. Breida and Falman had been discussing building a shrine to him for a while now. Fury, the youngest of their little group, looked up to Roy like he was his role-model...which, in retrospect, was probably not the smartest choice of role-models he could have made. In fact, the only one under Roy's command whose opinion on his dating talents he didn't know….was Riza. He didn't think she cared one way or the other, though. At least, she never seemed to. And that was the problem right there.

He didn't know how she felt…about him. And, for some reason, his smooth one-liners and flirtatious glances just didn't work right around her. The few times he'd actually gotten up the nerve to try them out, she'd shot at him. And she had good aim. Very good aim. Point being that Roy Mustang simply didn't know how to ask her out. He supposed it was because he actually had feelings for her.

"Besides, Colonel." Roy tried to focus on what Hughes was saying. "You were already the best man at my wedding, plus you're Elysia's godfather…when am I gonna get to be your best man! Never, at this rate!"

"You know, it's funny, Lieutenant Colonel…. I never realized how much my personal life revolved around you."

"Hey, don't try pulling rank on me, mister, I'm not in your jurisdiction, remember?"

"Of course I do. So why don't you go back to whoever's jurisdiction you're in and bother them for a while!"

"No way, I'm not leaving until you agree to ask Riza out. I'm not getting any younger here, and neither are you!"

"…" Roy couldn't believe this. Here he was, a colonel, a famous alchemist, and a war hero….and he was being black-mailed into asking his subordinate out by his crazy friend. Could today get any weirder?

Did he really even have to ask?

"Hey, don't give me that look, Roy. I'm doing this for your own good! Besides, I want that extra cash so I can buy Elysia some more toys."

Roy's head shot up. Extra cash? Why hadn't anyone told him?

"…Hughes, what 'extra cash' are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know," Hughes said off-handedly. "The bet money. Havoc and Breida'll both owe me 50 big ones if you ask her out today!" He grinned. "A hundred extra dollars, it's more then enough to buy my little angel that new—"

"Focus, will you?" Roy definitely did not like where this was going. "What bet are you talking about, and why does my asking Hawkeye out have anything to do with…Hughes. Please tell me you didn't bet on…"

"Hmm? Oh, you mean you didn't know? Funny, I though Havoc woulda spilled the beans a long time ago." He giggled. "Boy, you sure have been missing out on a lot of—hey, hey, hey, I was just kidding!" Hughes backed away from Roy, who was thisclose to snapping his gloved fingers and burning him to a crisp.

"Hughes. If you don't tell me what's going on, I swear I'll write up a new rule that bans people from bringing pictures of their families to work!"

Hughes looked absolutely horrified at the idea. "You…you wouldn't dare!"

"Try me!" Hughes winced--Roy certainly looked like he was serious.

"Buh…but you know I can't function without my darling Elysia and Gracia! I wouldn't be able to survive!" Roy didn't look all that concerned, frankly. "Ohh……fine! But I just want you to know that you are sadistic and mean and-"

"Yeah, yeah, heard it all before. Now what's the deal with this bet?"

"Eh, it's no big deal, really," shrugged Hughes. "Me, Havoc, and Breida just decided to bet on how long it would take you and Riza to go out. Those faithless idiots said that you wouldn't get the nerve up for at least another year, can you believe that?"

"You….what…?"

Hughes, misreading the look on Roy's face, nodded adamantly. "I know! How could they be so blind! But don't worry, buddy, I stuck up for you," he said proudly. "I bet them that not only would you ask her out today, but that the two of you would make home base by the end of the week! So make sure you lay on lots of that Mustang charm you're so famous for, I don't get my money if you two haven't done it by Sunday." Only Hughes could have made that sound so completely normal.

"……"

Maes smiled cluelessly. The poor guy had somehow convinced himself that Roy would not only not be mad, but that he would thank him for getting him with Riza. So, he was surprised when Roy just stood there.

"Um….Roy…are you ok…? Your eye's twitching….eyes aren't supposed to do that…Roy…?

Roy Mustang had never felt such a burning desire to kill someone before.

"God dammit…" Roy sighed, leaning back on his chair with his feet up on his desk. "I should've stayed home today." He gave his friend a dirty look. "And, hey, don't bleed on my carpet, I'd have to file out an expense report to replace it."

"Gee, thanks for your concern," Hughes said angrily, "I'm so glad you're worried about my broken nose."

"Eh, your nose aint broken, just….bruised….a little….."

"It's been bleeding for five minutes! I'm gonna die from lack of blood!"

"Well, it's not my fault your bones break so easily."

"You punched me!"

"I didn't punch you, I just….tapped you….hard."

"You punched me!"

"You were betting on my sex life!!"

"Ah-hah!" Hughes momentarily forgot his nose was still bleeding. "So you admit it!"

"Admit what?"

"That you punched me!"

"Give it a rest, wouldja!"

"I will not, you punched me! Me! Your best friend--and pretty much only friend-- in the whole world! And all I did was—"

"Make bets on 'how far' I could get with my subordinate!"

"Oh, please," Hughes scoffed, "like you haven't been wondering that since you met her."

"That doesn't mean you can just go around making bets on the private lives of other people!"

"Well, ex-cuuse me, I didn't realize it was some big secret."

"What?! How the hell could you not realize--"

"Hellooo, earth to Roy Mustang!" Hughes rolled his eyes- how clueless could a person be "Everybody- and I do mean everybody- knows you have a thing for Miss Hawkeye! And you can thank me for that, of cour-…oops." He suddenly began wondering if he hadn't said just a tad too much.

"Hughes…." Roy had a vein pulsing in his forehead, and he was also forcing a twisted-looking smirk, which was never a good sign, as he stood up. "When I told you about my feelings for Hawkeye, I didn't give you permission to tell the whole damn world!"

Hughes looked indignant. "I didn't tell the whole world!" he said defensively. "Just a few people."

Roy now had two veins pulsing in his forehead. "I didn't tell you that you could tell anyone!"

"Oh, come on, I had to tell Havoc and Breida. Oh, and Fury and Falman, I mean, they work with you, they deserve to know. Oh, and I told Armstrong. And the Elrics, but don't worry, I told Ed I'd make him sort out all my pictures of Elysia if he said anything. Actually, I had to tell that to Armstrong, too, the man wanted to plan your wedding..."

Roy groaned loudly. "No wonder that little twerp Fullmetal was snickering at me last time he came…I thought he was just happy that he'd grown an inch." He whirled on Maes, who was trying to hold in his laughter so his nose wouldn't start bleeding again. "Ok, out with it, Hughes, who else did you tell?"

"No one, really!" -Roy started to sigh with relief- "Oh, wait….I told my secretary. And Gracia. And the new recruits that just showed up…and the janitors…and some random guards I saw walking around…and Black Hayate…"

"You told her dog??"

Hughes shrugged. "I dunno, it seemed like a pretty good idea at the time…" Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. "Uh…" He gave Roy a weird look, which was to be expected considering that the colonel was slamming his head against the wall. "….You do realize you're gonna lose brain cells if you do that." Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. "…Brain cells don't grow back, Roy."

"Please, Maes….just go away…."

"Not until you promise to ask out You-Know-Who!" Hughes sang out.

"…." Roy wanted to scream. And punch Hughes again. But he knew that if he screamed, someone might hear, and he couldn't reach Hughes from where he was standing. "You really aren't gonna give up, are you?"

"Nope!" he looked at Roy, more serious now. "Really, Mustang…you know as well as I do that you want to ask her. I'm just trying to help you out."

"I know, I know…"

Roy sat back down behind his desk and rested his head on his hands. He found himself thinking about Riza, and about how much he really did want to go out with her. It was ironic, really….when he'd first joined the military, he'd sworn to himself that he wouldn't get attached to anyone. He'd joined the ranks of the state to recognize his own—admittedly rather hazy at the time—ambitions, not to make friends. Roy might have been the life of the party, but when it came down to it, there was no one he could really consider himself close to. And what was wrong with that? He didn't need buddies to be a good soldier.

Then he'd met Maes, bumping into him in a crowded hallway, discovering in that moment someone who could go from cheerful to serious and back, as the situation called for it. Someone who was willing to be the backup man instead of the big hero. Someone you could trust. Roy's whole philosophy on life had changed when he met Hughes….and later it changed again, when he met someone else. When he met Riza.

Thank god.

Thank god he hadn't followed through with his pledge. Thank god they'd been there with him, especially Riza, who'd stayed by him even during the Ishbal Rebellion. Thank god she'd been right beside him, always knowing just what to say and when to say it…always knowing when he needed to rant, when he needed to be left alone, when he needed to be scolded like a child…always saying at exactly the right moment the words that would keep him from losing his mind and joining his victims in that blood-red graveyard that was Ishbal…Riza…

He looked up at Hughes, thoughtful. "Hughes…what's wrong with me?"

Hughes, who had gone back to rubbing his 'broken' nose, snorted. "I could read you the list, but then we'd be here the rest of the year."

"I'm serious. Something's wrong with me."

Hughes looked up. The colonel definitely wasn't joking. "Roy…"

"The only thing I ever cared about in a woman was her looks, but now…I mean, not that Hawkeye isn't hot, but…I don't know how to act around her," he continued. "It's like she's the only person who matters…you know what I mean," he added, rolling his eyes, as Maes looked pouty. "When I'm with her…" He searched for a way to put it that Hughes would understand…not that Hughes wasn't quick to grab onto things like this, but Roy wasn't sure how to explain it to himself, much less his best friend. "When I'm with her…."

And then, suddenly, he knew what to say.

"When I'm with her," he said quietly, "I don't feel like a piece of shit, like a murderer…I feel like maybe there's a chance at making it to heaven after all. It's total bullshit…but it's still true."

"…." Hughes simply nodded. He understood. He hadn't been in Ishbal itself; he'd switched over to a desk job so that his new girlfriend wouldn't worry about him. Looking at Roy directly after the conflict was over, he knew he'd made the right choice. He barely recognized the usually-cocky Mustang afterwards. He'd been so quiet, so miserable…it had taken him so long to get even slightly back to normal…looking at him for the first time after the war had ended, Maes had thanked every god he'd ever heard of that he hadn't been there himself. But still…he understood.

He knew how scared he'd been (though he certainly hadn't said anything at the time) when he first saw that look in Roy's eyes, that look that pleaded for forgiveness and death…and he knew how grateful he'd been when he saw Riza reach down time and time again and lift--sometimes drag--Roy to his feet, both literally and figuratively. He knew in his heart from the moment he saw the two of them together, from the moment he saw how she alone could boss him around and help bring him out of his misery, that the two of them had something….something different.

Whether Riza was shoving the barrel of her gun into Roy's head to keep him from grabbing his own and turning it on himself, or sitting quietly next to him as he stared off at something Hughes was glad he couldn't see, he knew that the two of them had more then the typical superior/subordinate relationship. Hughes had decided from day one that he would do anything he could to keep the two of them together- even if he did have to act like an idiot sometimes. After all, it wasn't every day that you found a pretty, tough, selfless woman who was more then willing to put her life on the line for someone else…it wasn't every day that you found someone Roy Mustang could connect with, listen to, love…

Listening to his closest friend struggle to come to grips with all this, Hughes had to smile. It had taken that guy too damn long as it was.

"Listen," he told him sternly, "no ifs, ands, or buts, you are asking her out, and you are doing it tonight."

Roy looked up at him, and smiled wearily. "Alright…alright…if it'll get you off my back, then what the hell."

Hughes let out a whoop.

They'd spent the next half-hour discussing Roy's plan of action. Their plan was….well, they didn't have a plan. But they did have some ideas. Namely, at some point, Roy would have to go up and ask Riza to dinner. It was a good idea, really…all it needed was a way to ask her, what to say, how to say it, when to say it, what to wear, what to sound like, what to…well, so it had some holes. It was still a good idea.

Hughes, being who he was, kept insisting that all Roy had to do was go up and ask her straight out, with that flirty little grin of his.

"Trust me," he said knowingly, "She'll flip for it. Women always do, right?"

Roy kept trying to tell him that this wasn't the same. Riza Hawkeye wasn't any old woman, she was…well, anyway, he definitely needed a new battle plan if he was gonna pull this one off. Towards the end, Hughes didn't even bother trying to help anymore- he found it much more enjoyable to make fun of Roy.

"I knew it. I always knew that one day, the great Roy Mustang would find himself struggling to ask a girl out! I knew that one day you'd fall head-over-heels for someone! You may have fooled all the others with that 'I am god' crud, but you can't fool me- heyy!" Roy had decided to throw a balled-up piece of paper at Hughes to shut him up. His main reasoning was that even if that didn't work, he could still say he'd hit Hughes with paper. "You jerk! Trying to break another bone, are you?"

"No, trying to get you to go away." He stretched, glancing at the clock sitting on the corner of his desk. "4:30…shouldn't you be in your own office by now? You know, working?"

"Hmph," Hughes snorted. "You're one to talk, you haven't even looked at that huge stack of papers over there."

"Aw shit!" Roy cursed. The last time he hadn't done any work, Riza'd scolded him for half an hour. Although, to be honest, it wasn't that bad….he'd spent most of the time wondering what Riza would look like with her hair down…and in a miniskirt…actually, it'd been pretty damn enjoyable towards the end. But still. He didn't want to risk getting a bullet in the skull; he knew what Riza was like when pissed, and he didn't really feel like 'tempting fate'. Quickly, he grabbed a handful of papers and started scribbling his signature, over and over again, without reading whatever it was he was signing.

"Uhh….Roy?" Hughes held up a newly signed sheet, "According to this, you agree with the idea that the Fullmetal Alchemist is god and that you're a 'cheap-ass bastard.'"

"What?" Roy grabbed the sheet from him and growled at it. "Damn it, Ed must have sneaked this in here….that little runt!" He crumpled the offending paper into a ball and chucked it somewhere. Hughes shook his head and straightened up from his leaning position against Roy's desk.

"Jeez, try not to be so jumpy around Riza, ok?" He grinned at his friend. "Now, remember, don't try to sound too desperate, or—"

"I don't believe this," Roy grumbled. "You're giving me advice on girls."

"Hey, hey, hey, who's the married man here, huh?" The colonel just smirked.

"Well, I better get back before they lock me outta my office again," Hughes decided, pointedly ignoring Roy's excited cheer. "Now, don't go chickening out, I want a full report when—"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you, Hughes. You can stop repeating yourself now."

"Well, ex-cuuse me, Mr. Colonel. I was just making sure you didn't forget."

"Grr….how the hell could I forget, Hughes, we've been talking about it for the past hour!"

"Yeah, but with my luck you'll forget anyway."

"Your luck? Remind me, Hughes, what does any of this have to do with you?"

"Oh, come on, you know how long I've been waiting! I mean, come on, how long's it been since you met her?"

"A while…" he answered, quieter. "I just didn't realize you cared so damn much."

Hughes shrugged a bit, smiling slightly. "Hell, someone has to." He waved lazily and headed for the door. Roy put his head down on his desk, feeling like he could use a good nap after an hour of Maes Hughes.

"Oh, sorry, Lieutenant." Hughes's voice ringing out cheerfully, however, sent his head snapping back up.

Oh, damn, he isn't talking to…

"I didn't realize you were there."

…Riza!

Roy stood up quickly, his heart racing. How long had she been…?

"…are staying till closing, right?" Hughes's voice sailed into his ears.

Oh shit! That son of a bitch, he's probably laughing and everything!!

"I always do, sir," his subordinate's smooth voice drifted over, sounding bewildered.

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I can't believe him!

"Ok, good. I was just checking 'cause—"

"Hughes!" he yelled, panicked, "I'm sure you have a lot of work to do, so why don't you go do it!"

"Fine, sir," -damn that bastard, everything's a joke to him! - "I can see when I'm not wanted."

Footsteps went off down the hallway as Maes finally left, and Roy let out a huge sigh of relief- which promptly ended when Riza Hawkeye entered the room. Oh damn…

She walked over to his desk, carrying an armful of papers. Roy found that he couldn't take his eyes off her…the way she looked at him, the way she tilted her head slightly when she was listening to him, her voice when she spoke, her amber eyes…amber…funny, he'd never seen anyone with an eye color that distinct before. He'd always preferred blue eyes before, but now….

Oh, wait, she was saying something, come on Roy, don't lose it now. "Erm, yes, Lieutenant, did you get those forms?"

Oh god she smelled nice. What the hell kind of perfume did she wear!

He almost laughed- Hawkeye wear perfume? Nah, that was just her natural smell, probably…it was one hell of a nice smell, too. Hard to describe, but…nice.

She leaned over to put the papers on his desk, and he got a heavenly, all-too-brief whiff of her hair as a strand escaped from its tight bun and dangled loose in front of her face. Sliding it back into place, Riza didn't seem to notice the way he was staring at her, unable to take his eyes off her for even a second. It was hard to really make out the form of her body, the curves her slender figure took, in that shapeless military uniform, but even so…

Oh, daamn…

He was beginning to feel guilty, the thoughts running through his mind were so dirty. But he couldn't help it…looking at her, he started to wonder how she would look if she was in a skirt instead of a uniform…a very skimpy skirt….or maybe no skirt at all…

He smacked his head on the desk to snap himself out of it- another few seconds of that and he'd give himself a nosebleed. He tried to focus through the next few minutes, tried desperately to find some way to 'pop the question'….but the best he could come up with was, "You should let your hair down," with a meaningful glance at that beautiful golden crown of hair that he wanted to run his fingers through—wham. The desk sure was taking a beating today….not to mention his head. But he couldn't help it! She looked like the picture of perfection to Roy, and try as he might, he kept fading back into a pleasing daydream of the two of them alone together…in bed, perhaps….yes, definitely in bed….he could practically feel the touch of her skin against his…oh, crap, he wanted to slide his fingers through those strands of gold she called hair so badly...wham.

Look at me, he moaned to himself. Roy Mustang, the smooth ladies man, is acting like a school girl with a crush! Aah, Hughes, what have you gotten me into!

Wait, wait…where was she going?

"The shooting range, sir, I'm due to train for the next half hour."

This was it! This was the moment he'd been waiting for! Time for him to turn on the charm, wax poetic, take her in his arms, and…well, considering it was Riza he was drooling at, it would probably make more sense just to ask her; he doubted she was the romantic sort. But, either way, the moment of truth had arrived, and so he asked:

"Well, on your way back, can you grab me a cup of coffee?"

It had all gone downhill from there. He might have been able to laugh it off, to move past it and try again, if it wasn't for the fact that everything kind of crashed to a halt before he really even realized what was happening. How could everything just…dissolve like that?

All he'd done, truthfully, was ask her a simple question. Sure, it was a bit vague, but he was confident that he'd be able to swing it back around to asking her out- once he got started, he figured, he'd have no trouble getting where he wanted to go…right?

Wrong. He hadn't been able to make her see what he was really asking, not even close. Not that he blamed her, not at all- he shouldn't have been so damn hard to read. After all, whose fault was it that, instead of understanding that he was trying to ask her what she felt about him, Riza thought he was just asking for general romantic advice? It wasn't her fault that he'd made it sound like he was trying to figure out a way to ask out a girl- a different girl It wasn't her fault at all.

Unfortunately for both of them, he'd been so caught up in it all, that when she began to comment on how serial-daters were hard to trust, harder to fall in love with, he assumed she was talking about him. Looking back, he wanted to hit himself for being so stupid- why had he just naturally accepted that? Why hadn't he noticed how confused she was? Why the hell had he been so vague??

He'd been so uncharacteristically nervous, that he hadn't been able to really focus on what she was saying. She must know what I mean, he'd thought, dumbly, but she's not saying yes! If only he'd realized the confusion…but he hadn't, and scarcely before he knew it, he was yelling at her, desperately, trying to find some way, any way, out of this. And when she had just stared at him, he had assumed she was turning him down. It was so hard to read the look in her eyes….he thought he was being rejected…and he didn't deal well with rejection.

So, being the brainless idiot he was, he thought with a bitter laugh later on, he'd gone and done the only thing he could possibly do to really ruin his chances—he'd made up some crappy story about him having a date. A date. With another woman. How could he have been that dumb?!

She'll have to get jealous, he'd pleaded silently, if I could only just see her get the tiniest bit jealous—if she'll just act interested at all, then I'll be able to ask her!

His momentary loss of mind was no excuse for him forgetting that she never showed her emotions. His stupidity was no reason for him to decide that she didn't care, simply because she didn't show it on her face. And towards the end, when he'd come to the agonizing conclusion that she really didn't care--however wrong that conclusion had been, it was still as raw and aching as an open wound--he'd simply headed for the door, laughing to save face, not because he found humor in any of this. How on earth could he have been amused by this fiasco? Laughing had been the last thing he'd wanted to do. But Roy's mind was, it seemed, on permanent vacation…

He'd tried one final time to fix things, to keep everything from crumbling around him, but it hadn't worked. Pausing by the door, he'd tried to keep his voice casual as he asked her if she wanted any help picking papers up—and when she had said no, still so calm, he had taken that as one final rejection, and had left her there, blind to the pain in her voice, to the way her shoulders jerked when she answered. She always had been good at hiding what she felt…

He thought Riza had rejected him, when in reality she hadn't. Was that mistake any more foolish then her thinking he didn't care?

Neither one realized that they were both desperate for each other…it was deadly irony at its greatest. At its worst.

Roy told himself dully, of course she wouldn't want to. Why would she? She's not like the other girls I've gone out with, she knows what really happened back in Ishbal. She knows how black my soul is. He felt a fresh, new wave of self-loathing wash over him; his crimes had cost him everything, even the girl that he loved.

(And at the same time, Riza was trying to tell herself how crazy it'd been to hope that he liked her- he was her commanding officer, not her lover. These things just didn't happen.)

There had been stupidity on both sides, whether it was Riza keeping quiet as her heart broke, or Roy grinning blindly at everyone he passed in the halls. There had been stupidity, and there had been fear, and it all resulted in Roy stumbling home through the driving rain, hating himself more then ever and wishing he could just drop where he was and let the rain and dirt and smog of the city bury him.

But he didn't…his feet kept going, one step after another, just like back in Ishbal, when he'd wanted nothing more then to sit and let the blood on his hands condemn him. But he'd kept going…because she was there to make sure he did. But now….who was there now to force him on? No one…

He couldn't understand what kept his body moving. Oh well, he didn't deserve a quick end anyway. He didn't deserve a lot of things. He didn't deserve her.

And to think, he thought with a mirthless laugh, a laugh that reeked of bitter, quiet, empty despair, and to think I thought I might have a chance at heaven.

He kicked at a rock in his path, watching it dully as it tumbled into the overflowing gutter, the world around him grey. Heaven? Hah. He'd be lucky if he made hell.

AN- sigh, yes, it ended on a sad note AGAIN. most, if not all, of the chapters will untill the end. sorry! lol. also, a friend mentioned how suicidal roy turns out in a lot of these chapters, which wasnt really my intention. i'd fix it, but i'm not in the mood. plus, i'm mad at roy cause of him acting like a total jackass to riza in last saterday's episode. (seriously, i wanted to reach into the tv and slap him)so i dont wanna make him any happier. XD yes, i am getting way too into this...heh heh heh...anyway, thanks for reading, and dont forget to review!

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EDIT 05/21/06--not too many changes here, but i added a couple paragraphs and attempted to clean up the last section, which could still use some work. oh well. 'least it makes sence now.