AN- Mokie and Moofie: thanks for all the help grammer/spellingwise! yeah, i know Hughes's name is spelled wrong, but i started spelling it correctly midway thru, and i was too lazy to go back an fix it XD. an' the lack of space in thisclose was intentional, to show how close Hughes was to being charboiled. i had NO IDEA how what to do capilizationwise for Lieutenant Colonal, so, thanks alot for the tip!

tracyCoder: i know! what kinda jerk yells at someone 'cause they got hit with a rock! plus, he was just being stupid; forgive me if i'm wrong, but isnt he already guilt-ridden enough 'cause of the war in Ishbal? so why is he doing the same thing now? meh, i dunno...lol, i'm done ranting now, thanks for reveiwing!

Hi again to everyone else! this chapter's shortish, but dont get used to that...i'm almost donewith chapter 7, and it's already 13 mw pages. ;; sorry 'bout that. this chapter probably requires the most amount of imagination, 'cause of something that happens at the end that i'm not sure stays 'in-character'. my friend says it does, so...well, i guess you'll have to see for yourself. ciao!

disclaimer-- if i said i owned fma, i wonder what would happen...

The Emptiness of Stone

Riza paused at the door to the office and surveyed it quickly, her mouth tightening as her eyes swept over her superior's desk. Usually on Fridays, when he left before her, she'd clean some of the mess off his desk for him—nothing major, just straighten things up a bit so that he didn't get buried under a mountain of overdue paperwork. She wasn't sure if he ever noticed, though. He never said anything.

No, she decided now, he didn't notice. There was a lot he didn't notice.

She looked from her desk, which was, of course, spotless, to Roy's, which was covered with piles of paper stacked up high. She wondered for a split second if she should clean some up some of the clutter…but then she turned away, lips pressed together and stomach clenching painfully. He could clean up his own messes from now on.

Moving back over to her desk, she opened the bottom drawer to check its contents, something she did every night, as well as every morning when she first came in. A quick glance told her that everything was still there- two pistols, a smaller hand-gun, and plenty of ammunition. Her rifle was in the drawer above, along with its extra cartridges. Locking the bottem drawer securely, she then checked to make sure that her third pistol was still in its holster, and that the holster was still firmly set around her waist. A fourth gun rested in one of the pockets of her uniform. She also reached up and tapped the clip that held her hair up; far from a simple accessory, this hairclip held a small blade concealed inside, which could be quickly released if necessary. That was more of a security blanket for her, though; in all her years in the military she'd never had to use it. She just liked having it there, in the off chance that she ran out of bullets. Not even Roy knew she had it. Everyone knew that she never went anywhere without a gun within arm's reach- she had pledged to serve the colonel, and she was determined to never let her guard down, not even for a second. Let others scoff at it and call her obsessed, she didn't care what they thought. She didn't care that some of the higher-ups didn't like her 'babysitting' a famous alchemist. She was loyal, sure—

But to Roy.

She wouldn't hesitate to fight her fellow military soldiers if it meant saving him. If carrying around a gun was what she had to do, then so be it. Better that then the alternative, which was being unarmed when disaster struck. It only took a second for madness to win over sanity--her years in Ishbal had taught her that much.

Riza sighed. She didn't want to think about Roy right now. She knew he was grateful for the protection she gave him…even though he always complained, said he didn't need a bodyguard, and even if he did, that wasn't her job…but he was still grateful…wasn't he?

She felt her stomach clench again—all this self-doubt was making her feel even more out of sorts. Riza Hawkeye just wasn't the type of person to worry like this. She wasn't that….insecure. And yet, here she was…god, the way the colonel distorted her mind. It was enough to drive her insane…

She finally left the office, locking the door behind her. As she walked down the hallway, she prayed silently that she wouldn't run into anyone. It was pretty late, after all, so there was a good chance that no one would be left but her…she'd probably be lucky and get out of there without having to deal with other soldiers. Which was good, because at the moment, she didn't think she could stand to face anyone…not right now, not with her feeling so…so numb inside. So empty, so numb…

Amazing, she mused with an acrid little smile, before today, I never knew there was a feeling worse then agonizing pain…except that this was agonizing pain, but of a different kind. It was more secretive, more hidden…it felt as if she had been hollowed out inside, but was somehow still breathing.

Please don't let me run into anyone…

"Isn't she so cuuute!! And look at this picture! See! Her bathing suit has little ruffles on the bottem! Awa, look, there's me helping her build a sand castle. Hee hee, that was just the best vacation ever. Ooh, and look at this picture here, see how happy she is?"

Damn! Riza stopped in her tracks. Of all the people to run into, it just had to be…

Hughes grinned at the young junior officer beside him. The kid looked like he was barely out of high school, especially now, with his chin trembling like that. Obviously he hadn't yet developed the sense that all the more advanced officers had, what they dubbed 'Hughes radar'.

(Basically, everyone who'd been at Central for more then a week developed the power to sense Hughes coming and duck for cover. It wasn't a hundred percent accurate, but those working at Central also developed another talent- within two weeks, a new recruit would know the location of all the broom closets, unused rooms, and desks large enough to hide under in the building. Ducking into a bathroom to avoid him was no good-he'd just follow you in there. Literally. Whether you were a boy or girl. (It was something that'd gotten him slapped many times.) No, the only really effective way to avoid having to stare at his never-ending supply of pictures was to hide. Unfortunately, this lack of available people to rant to meant that whenever he did catch someone, he had that many more pictures to show. )

"Look, see this one? See how adorable she is? Like a goddess or an angel from heaven!"

"S-Sir…" The junior officer made a weak effort to get away, something that even seasoned veterans like Roy Mustang had trouble accomplishing. "P-Please…I really have to get home…"

"Nonsense, you have time for one more box of pictures. Now, in this one…"

"But sir, I don't even know you!"

"Oh really? Well, I'm Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes….and this is my darling daughter Elysia! Isn't she great! And you should see my wife, hottest gal on the planet!"

At the word 'wife', Riza's clenching fists reminded her that there was a reason she was trying to sneak out unnoticed. She quickly and quietly turned to go back the way she came, but…

"Hey, Lieutenant Hawkeye! Hey, wait up!"

Damn…!

"Hey!" Hughes shoved the box of photos at the junior officer. "Hold these for a sec, would you?"-the kid tried not to topple over- "I have to go talk to someone."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you—"

"But don't worry, I'll be right back with more pictures!"

"Oh nooo…" Hughes turned and ran to catch up with Riza, leaving the poor junior officer spazing out in the background.

What Riza really wanted to do was to keep walking, but Hughes did outrank her, and besides, it was impossible to escape him once he caught you. So, she turned back and waited for him to catch up. When he did, she nodded towards the still-crying kid behind them with a slight smile- or what passed as a smile by Riza's strict standards. "Manage to catch another one, did you?"

Hughes laughed easily. "Yup. Can you believe there are thirty new recruits this month? Thirty! And they're all right out of grade school, too; they're practically infants."

"Yes, it must be very tiring work to have to gather intelligence information on all of the new recruits when there are so many of them…"

Hughes, who was the commander of the military's intelligence network, looked at her, confused. "I'm not talking about that," he scoffed. "There's so many new people to show my pictures of Elysia to!"

"…." Riza sighed, with a sweat drop. "With all due respect, sir, I wasn't aware that the military paid you to show off pictures of your family."

"Hmmph, you're getting as bad as Roy, Lieutenant." Hughes suddenly beamed. "Speaking of that, where is that little rascal?"

"…" If Hughes noticed Riza's discomfort, he didn't let on. "I wouldn't know, sir," she said tightly, although I have some ideas…you might want to check the houses of Central's biggest whores—

No. That wasn't fair. She couldn't blame the women he went out with…she couldn't even blame him. He'd made her no promises, he'd never said that he had feelings for her. She was being unreasonable, putting the blame on Roy when she was the one who'd overstepped her boundaries as 1st Lieutenant. Fraternization between officers was strictly forbidden, she knew that as well as he did. It was her fault she was so miserable, not his…

Hughes was looking at her, confused. "Riza…?"

She blinked, startled out of her reverie by the sound of her first name. Then again, it wasn't too surprising-Hughes was extremely informal. "Yes sir?"

"You really don't know where Roy is…?" He peered at her doubtfully, his brows furrowed. Riza felt annoyance bubbling in her chest. Why, was she not even allowed to walk down the damn hallway without him?

Calm down, she told herself wearily, tired of the headaches all this was causing. You know the Lieutenant Colonel's not saying that. This is why it's better that you didn't have a serious relationship with the colonel even if the opportunity did come up. You wouldn't be able to handle it. It's a good thing the colonel isn't as stupid as you're acting…

"No, sir, he left early."

"Left early…? But, why would he….wait, I get it." Hughes nodded knowingly. "He probably left first so it wouldn't be suspicious. Darn that no-fraternization policy, it ruins all the fun! Oh well…" He winked at her. "Oh, and you don't have to be so cautious around me, Lieutenant, Roy already told me—"

Riza stopped him with a Look. She didn't know where he was going with this, and what's more, she didn't want to know. She'd been too curious for her own good last time, and look at what happened. A workday spent wasted on silly thoughts like some preteen with a crush. If it involved a potentially dangerous situation, then certainly she would step in, but when it came down to the colonel's personal life, she really didn't care…hell, she really couldn't afford to care!

"Actually, the colonel left some time ago," she said coolly, her voice emotionless. "He said he had a date to prepare for."

"A date?" Hughes stared at her, eyes widening with…was that alarm? Why? What was there to be alarmed about? "But he couldn't have….why would he….damn it, he must have chickened out….listen, Riza, are you absolutely sure that's where he went?"

Absolutely sure? She laughed inside, bitterly. Yes, she was 'absolutely sure.' The colonel certainly hadn't left any doubts about that.

"Yes sir," she answered quietly, her voice surprising even her with its lack of feeling. "As per usual, it being Friday and all." Said so calmly, so evenly, as if she really didn't care…as if she really was made of stone inside, instead of flesh and blood, like everyone said…

Yes, that was what everyone thought she was made out of, stone…everyone, from Armstrong to Havoc to…Roy…abruptly, she felt her eyes fill with tears. Hot anger and embarrassment flooded through her--Riza Hawkeye, crying? What the hell was there to cry about? But even as she scolded herself, she knew the answer. For a while, she'd really felt as if Roy had seen her as what she really was. For a while, she'd really thought that he knew that she wasn't all hard rock inside, that there was an empty space inside of her that needed filling. For a while, she'd thought he'd cared…

Well, whose fault is it that he doesn't really know you? she demanded of herself. It's not the colonel's fault that you always act so formal around him. It's not his fault you're so cold. He's got no call to have any concern for you other then as a commanding officer dealing with his subordinates. You knew from the minute you entered the military to expect that. Why should it suddenly be so different?

She could feel hot tears pushing at her eyelids, begging to be set free, but she'd be damned if she was going to let them…

Stop it, she told herself desperately, you're being silly. There's nothing to cry over…nothing to cry over at all…

And then, she lost the battle and the tears began to fall down her cheeks. Hughes noticed, of course, and moved to comfort her, his eyes full of concern. But…

But Riza wouldn't let him; she put one hand up to stop him, the other clamped in front of her eyes as if she could hide the fact that she was sobbing. She was aware of nothing but the shame and embarrassment that were slowly filling her, and yet somehow still leaving the poisonous emptiness untouched…damn it, it wasn't supposed to be this way, she wasn't supposed to act this way!

Stop it, stop it, she pleaded with herself….but she couldn't stop, couldn't control the tears falling down her face or her body jerking as she cried. She couldn't stop…because it wasn't true, what everyone said. She wasn't made of stone inside, but flesh and blood just like everyone else…she had a heart, had a soul, and both had been just as shattered and destroyed as if they'd been ripped out of her and stepped on.

"Riza…" Hughes was stunned beyond words. He had never seen Riza Hawkeye like this, no one ever had. "Riza, don't…"

But she pushed past him and took off running down the hallway, one arm still blocking her eyes from view.

AN- so that's the end of that. like i said above, i'm not sure if riza's crying is really in character--i tried to make it as realistic for her as possible. i'm trying to plan some action into this somewhere, but as of now only the last few chapters'll really have any good bloodshed. however, there's a bunch of flashbacks that are violent...lol, i'm a strange soul. R+R, people!

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EDIT 6/10/06-- took me a while, but i finally fixed up this chapter a bit. yay. thanks to all who're still reading this so many months after the fact! (don't worry, it gets better as it goes along)