A Bit of Advice
By DJ Clawson
Summary: Look, if I have to recite the summary at this point, go back to the first chapter.
Very Important Author's Notes: So I'm not big on unnnecessary author's notes, where they babble on about their social lives or their jobs or their cats, but I think at 50k I'm allowed to say something. I started this story imagining it to be a couple of chapters of amusement about Bingley's sexual insecurities (which I did in my previous, not well-received story), and then (a) found myself enjoying playing with the characters too much, and (b) found you all enjoying it to much, that I decided to stretch it as far as possible, while still holding to the original plot arc, which involved everyone getting over their insecurities and the results of such an occurance. Sorry guys, but the story is over. I am not going to go on for 30 chapters about how Mrs. Darcy adjusts to life at Pemberley, or how she decorates the nursery, or what have you just so I can greedily keep the comments coming.
I am, however, considering reworking the story, perhaps as a longer version. One of the things I did enjoy was working to make the character deeper. Not to criticize Jane Austen at all, but fan fiction - even pushed versions - has a tendency to make characters black-and-white, whereas if they were truly human beings, this would certainly not be so. And, obviously, nobody's really done the true history of the obviously complex friendship of Bingley and Darcy. So if you would please give me comments as to what you liked and didn't like in this story, what you would want to see more of beyond "just continue it until they have great-great-great-grand children who live in the present day!" I would be most appreciative, as I have serious editorial intentions. (In real life, I work in publishing as an editor) And if you are interested in a future version, please put me on "story alert" for this story, and I'll post any update far in the future as another chapter to this story. Don't put my on "author alert" unless you want to get hit up with my Lupin the Third slash. That would be dumb. But seriously, your comments are taken seriously, from the "I liked seeing this side of character X" to "event C seemed out-of-period." I make serious attempts at attempting to adhere to historical accuracy and like to know if I'm off track. (And by the way, if you think nobody was sexually adventurous in Regency England and it's totally impossible that Darcy, at 28, would probably have some experience, you should do some reading) How would you improve the story? Let me know your thoughts and opinions, as they are valued.
Thanks again for all your comments and support! And now, our closing chapter.
Epilogue
Not only did Jane and Elizabeth spend their confinements at Pemberley, but Mr. Bennet was a welcome guest as well, even when the Bingley sisters and Mr. Hurst retired to Kirkland Hall. He seemed to know when best to make himself scarce, which was easy enough in the halls of Pemberley, especially in the tremendously intimidating library. He occasionally got a letter from his wife, who had returned to Brighton and was wintering with the officers. Kitty had apparently made friends with one of the officers, this one of considerable standing and reputation, and would he be so kind as to inquire as to his credentials? Of course he would. When not distracted by the marriage possibilities of one of his two remaining unmarried daughters, Mr. Bennet busied himself with a glass of brandy and a book in one of the many reading rooms, or observing his two sons fret endlessly. Bingley paced until there was some actual concern by the housekeeper for the carpets, which the master of the estate dismissed with an unusually reserved word. Mr. Darcy, when not with his wife, spent much time staring out the window. He was not unpleasant, but unusually quiet, a bastion of reserve – so much so that Mr. Bennet commented to his daughter, "I fear if you do not deliver soon, your husband may well explode."
"Or spontaneously combust," she laughed. "And then poor Mr. Bingley will catch on fire as well, run around the house, and all Pemberley will be ablaze."
"To lose such a large house!" Jane said. "All because of the natural order of things."
"It is no surprise then that wives often outlive their husbands," Mr. Bennet said. "We have solved that great mystery at least."
It was at that point that Mr. Darcy had the misfortune to poke his head into his wife's sitting room. "What is it?" He seemed concerned at the noise."
"Nothing," Elizabeth said, making no effort to control herself. "We are merely laughing at your expense."
"Oh," he said with no particular surprise. "Well, I should hardly interrupt you, then."
"What was it?" was Bingley's voice, from somewhere down the hall.
Darcy turned back and shouted, "They were laughing at your expense, Bingley!"
"What?"
"I did not say that!" Elizabeth said in her defense.
"Yes, but if it distracts him for at least five minutes, it will be worth the deception," Darcy said with a smile as Bingley crashed his way into the room.
"What did I do?" he demanded breathlessly, and his wife merely bade him to come over and kissed him on the cheek, quick required quite a bit of being over and maneuvering on his part with her considerable girth.
"Nothing, Charles," she said. "Except given me a child that is kicking rather relentlessly."
"Much like its father," Darcy said, and then ran straight out of the room to escape Bingley's exasperated ire as he followed him.
"I must admit that I have never seen two unrelated men take to being squabbling brothers so easily," Mr. Bennet observed, and his daughters could not do anything but agree.
The thaw came early in March, but Georgiana did not retire to London as usual not only for the obvious reasons that another female influence was desperately needed around the place, but because she had to plan for her Coming Out. Assuming that all went well with Elizabeth's condition, the Darcys would be unable to make the London season and so she would have to come out at a ball held at Pemberley sometime in the summer season. To this idea, Darcy was most disagreeable, but not in front of his sister's face.
"She is seventeen," Elizabeth gently pointed out.
"She'll be seventeen when I damn well say she is!" her husband said, facing out the window in indignation. There were so many obvious reasons for his unusual outburst – stress concerning his upcoming possible fatherhood, his usual over-protectiveness of his sister, the fact that there had been no marital relations in two months – that Elizabeth could only laugh in reply. Darcy was in a perpetual foul mood, and having to hide it from everyone merely made it worse.
Unfortunately, on that very day arrived Colonel Fitzwilliam.
"If he asks for a friendly duel, refuse," Elizabeth said to him in private. "He nearly ran his coach through last week."
"And the reason for his discord?"
Not having any inclination to enlighten him on her husband's source of frustration – at least, the one usually relieved by ferocious dueling – she merely feigned innocence in response and gave the usual reasons of nerves concerning the confinement.
It was at dinner that night that Fitzwilliam broke the dual news – first, that he was affianced to Lady Anne de Bourgh. Second, that she would be joining him – if permitted by the Master of Pemberley – shortly in Derbyshire, for she had much desire to see her relatives. Coming with her, he pointed out, would be Mrs. Collins and her six-month-old, carrying special instructions to her every care, lest the Pemberley staff be ill-equipped to handle her delicate condition. (Mr. Darcy did not point out that this was hardly Anne's first trip to Pemberley) Lady Catherine would of course not be journeying anywhere near Derbyshire, and Mr. Collins had his own responsibilities in his Vicarage and would have to weather his wife's brief absence.
Despite his disinclination to visitors with the current state of affairs, Darcy heartily agreed and politely excused himself to tell his wife, who was no longer joining them for dinner and but rarely left her chambers. (On this matter, she had relented to his considerable will and concern for her health)
With several great carriages arrived Lady Anne de Bourgh, looking quite well by her own set of standards and was quite eagerly embraced by Colonel Fitzwilliam before being formally greeted by Darcy, who quickly ushered her in from the cold. Whether Darcy had had occasion yet to quiz Fitzwilliam on the nature of how this came about was anybody's guess, for he gave no indication, only a mildly-approving eye. The affection between them, everyone else admitted, was obvious.
Charlotte Collins came behind her, carrying her six-month old Thomas Collins, whose presence was no end of delight to both confined ladies, as he was quite a pleasant and energetic baby who thankfully seemed to take mainly after his mother in looks. He liked very much to have her told him up and attempt to stand on her knees, as sort of play-walking that was amusing to everyone as it as fun to him. That Charlotte was beaming with motherhood brought great relief to Elizabeth, who shared this separately but privately with his sister and her husband.
"It seems I did Charlotte a great favor in rejecting Mr. Collins," she said, and to Darcy's look, added, "I am surprised as you are."
"You – he - ," Mr. Darcy was at a loss for words. "He made you an offer of marriage?"
"Yes. Did I not tell you? Oh no, it was before even your first proposal. Barely weeks before. Less heated, but with considerably less regret on my part."
He merely repeated in total shock. "He made you an offer of marriage?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Yes, darling."
"I should run him through!"
She took hold of his balled fists, "I think you are in such a state that you would gladly run anyone through. Do not take it out on poor Mr. Collins."
"To think that – "
"I rejected him," she said clearly. "Without a second thought. The matter is long settled. You are just upset because you are so ... stymied."
"What?" It took him a second to grasp her meaning. "I am not!"
"Yes, you are."
In frustration he flung himself on the bed next to her. "Fine. Maybe. A small amount, I will grant you."
"Whatever did you do before me, husband?"
"I believe I was a proud, inconsiderate man lacking in social manners who would obsess about a woman because she had lovely eyes to the point of getting drunk and having to buy my sister the most expensive musical instrument in England to make up for it."
She raised her eyebrows. "That I cannot dispute."
He sighed and rested his head on her shoulder, facing away from her, and she stroked his hair.
"So you are expectant when? Three weeks?"
"It is not an exact science! And besides, there will be a period of indisposition afterwards!"
He put the pillow over his head and moaned.
Thinking on the matter, she said, "Surely there must be something in the book for this."
He immediately removed the pillow. "Yes! I am sure there is. I must check." And he ran out of their bedchamber with a speed she had never seen before, which brought her no end of laughter for some time.
Darcy had his head buried beneath his desk when his servant entered. "Lady Anne de Bourgh to see you, sir."
He slammed the drawer shut and picked his head up. "Oh, of course. Send her in." He immediately stood and bowed. "Lady Anne."
"Mr. Darcy," she curtsied, and quickly took the seat offered to him facing the desk. "Thank you for inviting me to Pemberley on such short notice."
"Think nothing of it. You are always welcome at Pemberley, especially since we are to be - ," he frowned. "Double cousins?"
"I'm sure there is a proper word for it."
"I'm sure I don't know it. Nonetheless, my most firm congratulations, for I see you are very happy with this arrangement. Though I have to ask – "
" – it was done not without my mother's consent. I am not to be banished from Rosings," she said. "But it was not her idea if that is what you are inclined to think."
"Still, it does come to some surprise. Though my cousin is a pleasant and affectionate man – "
" – who is often at Rosings – "
" – and is not without social stature." He blinked. "I cannot see why it comes to much surprise to me, then. Clearly, men are somewhat blind on these matters."
"Clearly, marriage has done wonders for your insight."
He did not take it as an insult, as it was not meant as one. "And engagement has done wonders for your health." For – though it was improper to say it – this was the first time he could rightfully recall that she had some color on her face.
"I am feeling much better these days," she said, and almost looked like she was beaming as she rose. "I will not keep you from your work." She offered her hand, and he kissed it. "I am glad we have both found happiness, even at the expense of my mother's wishes. Though, do not be surprised if we produce children of opposite gender and she proposes another infancy engagement."
"For that," he said, "she would have to get my wife to agree. And I do believe she will not find Elizabeth as agreeable as my mother on the subject."
As March waned, Darcy went through great lengths to make sure his wife did not have to play hostess to so many guests, however welcome they were or happy she was to see them. He took great pains to keep the men outdoors when the weather improved, and Mr. Bennet was quite happy in the library. It was only when Mrs. Bennet and her remaining daughters arrived that he was persuaded by his wife and Mrs. Reynolds – who teamed up on him in his chambers – to give up on the matter entirely and let nature take its course. He was only willing to stray within a certain distance of the house, but that was far enough for some casual shooting, which Mr. Bingley was quite eager to do.
"So," said Colonel Fitzwilliam as they were reloading. "I hear that there are some plans for a ball for Georgiana."
"What, is she finally Coming Out?" Bingley said, in his usual oblivious voice.
"She'll come out when I'm cold in my grave," Darcy said without looking at either of them, which Bingley took most severely and Fitzwilliam only took with a laugh.
"I am her guardian too, and I consent to it. She is seventeen, Darcy."
"But you are not her brother. Therefore, I overrule you."
"Hmm, that is true. Perhaps I will ask Mrs. Darcy her opinion on the matter."
"If you are thinking of having her enter a conspiracy against me on this subject, I will have to run you through at our next fencing match," Darcy casually replied.
"Surely you would not do that, and make Anne suffer so."
Darcy growled. "You have caught me."
Fitzwilliam jovially turned to Bingley, "We should have a celebration for this, for the Master of Pemberley is so rarely caught."
"He's like a wild bird."
"When did I become a source of amusement for everyone?" Darcy growled."
"Since you've been managing your wife's confinement worse than her," Fitzwilliam answered.
Bingley added, "That's because he hasn't found chapter twenty-three yet."
"What?"
But before Bingley could enlighten Fitzwilliam, Darcy was charging at him like a wild boar, various curses coming out his mouth as he chased him all the way around the stately home of Pemberley.
Whether Jane was merely early and Elizabeth late was never determined, but Mrs. Bingley delivered a healthy baby girl a full two weeks before her sister, ending her confinement - and making Mr. Darcy five pounds poorer. There were no great theatrics on Bingley's part when presented with his daughter, as he was held firmly in his chair by both shoulders by his father-in-law. Elizabeth later remarked in privacy to her sister that it was Darcy who looked the palest of them all. As to naming the child "Elizabeth" Mr. Bennet objected soundly, saying his old brain would be much befuddled by the confusion despite their considerable age and height differences. And if the two great families weren't united enough, Bingley mildly said, "I've always liked the name Georgiana." His wife agreed, and so she was christened, and everyone immediately took to calling her Georgie.
Bingley did not benefit much from the bet and the resultant financial transaction, for despite their intense secrecy, Elizabeth immediately demanded that the funds be donated to a local poorhouse, and both husbands decided to be obliging. In fact, when Geoffrey Darcy – named after his grandfather - was born two weeks later, they got into a sort of competition of piety about local donations, to the point where the house manager was quite exasperated at the repeated appearances of both of them, and some of the orphans were eating out of silver spoons, and Elizabeth told her husband to swallow his pride, lest Pemberley become the home of every orphan and destitute in Derbyshire.
"I did not know you to be so ungenerous," Darcy said as he held their son, now a week old.
"I did not know you to be so competitive," a still-tired Elizabeth replied, still retired to her bed. "But I suppose you must have something to amuse yourselves with while your wives do all the work?"
"All the work?" he said. "There was at least ... an hour of my time spent on ... this," he said, cradling his son.
"My dear husband, you are being very generous with yourself in your estimation."
He decided that with a physically weak wife, it was better not to be affronted. "Well, I suppose since I am considered the most generous man in Derbyshire at the moment, I am allowed that." Geoffrey giggled in his arms, or made some kind of sound that sounded like a giggle and hopefully was not a precursor to a crying fit. His father looked at him hopelessly, only to be greeted by a face full of green spit, and he quickly colored and relinquished the infant to the nurse, all the while having to endure his wife's laughter.
With the stress of his wife's confinement (for giving birth was a dangerous prospect for any woman) and the weight of producing an heir off his shoulders, Mr. Darcy was free to enjoy all of the many pleasures life had to offer him. Despite the constant wailing of an infant, Geoffrey Darcy was a lively child and had his mother's eyes, and basking in the glow of parenthood, neither parent could find fault in him, no matter how many cravats and waistcoats he ruined with various unexpected discharges. Normally a man of his stature was expected to mainly a distance from his infant son, having him only brought to him in his study, but Darcy felt no sense of obligation to this particular tradition and between him and Elizabeth, the child was hardly out of someone's arms, and how fast they went through clothing became a comedy to them and an exasperation to their servants. The Bingleys returned to Kirkland after the second birth, but there were many correspondences between them and no small instance of amusement was not described in detail. The babies did see each other again until the Pemberley Ball some months later, when little Georgie appeared sporting a wild twist of red hair that could not be combed down no matter how hard anyone tried. Her own mother, in fact, merely shrugged and said she had long since given up, giving a wry glance to her husband.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was still in attendance, and Anne would make her last appearance as a maid before retiring to Rosings for preparations to the summer wedding. With a hesitant grace, Georgiana Darcy emerged in society officially as an eligible bachelorette, though every man she danced with who was not a relation got a cold glare from Mr. Darcy.
When the festivities were finally over and the guests more or less departed in every direction, Jane made one final announcement over the relatively quite breakfast of the two couples in attendance – she was pregnant again. So there were more congratulations and smiles as they saw them off, with their now five-month-old Georgiana Bingley in Jane's arms.
"I suppose this is my fault," Darcy said to his wife as they watched the carriage pull away.
"And how would this possibly be so?"
"Well," he said, "I gave him that damned book."
The End