Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star.

Chapter 8: Forgive me not

I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that guy you can trust
I'm the cord on your guitar
I'm that girl you ca-

"Jude!" Tommy screamed through the intercom. "Focus!"

"Tommy!" I yelled at him. "I'm doing the best I can! I have a smaller lung capacity now! Deal with it!"

"You're so frustrating! Take five!"

"Whatever!" I shouted at him, taking off the headphones and throwing them to the ground. I left the studio and walked into the lobby, where I got some coffee.

"Sorry, Jude, it's just frustrating getting used to this, you know," Tommy said from behind me.

I looked at him. "I know, but think about it. If it's hard for you then it must me harder for me."

"I know, you're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

He wrapped me in a hug. "Let's get back to work." We reentered the studio and I put the headphones back on.


You said you didn't need me (but you did)
You said you didn't want me (but you do)
It's kinda like a comedy
Well first you kiss me
Then you say we're through
I say you got some issuses (yeah, you do)
Some things you gotta work through (really do)
It's sorta like a talk show, no wait a freak show
When the freak is you

I looked through the window that separated the studio from the control room. And there he was, sitting there, next to Tommy. He had always been there, that spot. Pretty much whenever I saw him, that's where he was. He was almost a fixture to that spot.

I'm the smoke from your fire
I'm that guy you can trust
I'm the cord on your guitar
I'm that girl you can't shut up

He had always been a good friend to me. I didn't know what I was thinking saying that to him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. It was just a reflex, a stupid reflex that I wouldn't mind losing at that moment.


I'm that blood you might need
In your car way in your speed
In that cigarette you breath

I wanted him to forgive me. I wanted us to be close once again, I wanted everything to be back to normal…

"Jude!" Tommy screamed again.

"Sorry!" I called. "I just-"

"Do you want to take a day off? You just got out of the hospital yesterday, I think you need at least one more day off."

"Okay, Tom, whatever you say." I left the studio for the lobby once again.

"So what was that about?" Tom asked.

"Guess."

"Kwest, right?"

"He still hasn't talked to me. I don't know what to do."

"Just talk to him." He walked off.

I looked over to the control room. I took a deep breath and marched right in there.

"Jude?" Kwest managed to squeak out before I kissed him.

I pulled away from him and sat down.

"That was pretty intense from someone who isn't my girlfriend."

"Kwest, I didn't mean what I said. I'm really sorry."

"Jude, but you still said it."

Tears started to form. "I wish you were there when I found out about the problem with my lungs. Instead of Tom and Eden, I wanted you there."

"Eden showed up?"

"Yeah, she did."

"Jude, I like you but what you said hurt me."

"I know, I shouldn't have said that and I'm stupid for it. I just wish you could forgive me."

"I'll have to think about it, Jude, I really will."

I sniffled. "I get it. Um, do you maybe want to go out for coffee tomorrow night, or something?"

He gave a small smile. "Yeah, that'd be good." He got up and left the studio.

AN: C'mon, Kwest, forgive her already. Anyways, R&R!