Chapter 47
"Okay, so it says here it's the most accurate when done first thing in the morning," Logan read out from the instruction sheet.
The two had ended up back at Logan's place after a quick change of clothes and packing of an overnight bad at Rory's, the decision having not even needed a discussion as they'd walked in on Paris and Doyle making out on the couch.
Rory was just chucking down a slice of pizza, having been too nervous all evening to really enjoy her four-course meal and just nibbled on it. Now the hunger was hitting her, and she was holding back a joke about possibly eating for two. It seemed too soon, despite the fact that actually going at buying the test together like this had turned out to be an oddly fun outing.
"Yeah, but can we really wait?" Rory asked, her mouth still half full.
"But what if it says the exact opposite, then we either panic or relax when we really shouldn't...," Logan discussed.
"Yeah, like how much more accurate is it? Does it say?" Rory inquired, glancing over his shoulder.
Logan shrugged. "But it does say that the test detects hCG levels which are higher the further the pregnancy has developed, hence it may not provide accurate results until at least weeks after conception," he summed up his reading.
"Do they all say that?" Rory inquired, not really knowing a whole lot about the tests either. They had about three different types of tests packages opened and had been reading through the instructions.
"Pretty much," Logan replied, summing up in his latest reading material. "But how far along do you think…?" he decided to ask, being a little curious himself how this could've happened. He trusted her enough to know she hadn't been lying about being on the pill, besides he'd seen her take the pill dozens of times and he'd even picked up her prescription for her at least once.
"I'm not sure, but my only guess could be the night of Finn's party… maybe I threw up the pill or something," Rory suggested, being not too keen to recall that particular evening too much. It had been embarrasing, a lowpoint for her certainly.
"That was, what? Two weeks ago?" Logan reflected, answering his own question.
"And even so they do say it's not a 100%," Rory added, knowing it was perhaps a little silly to point that out now. But this was basic sex-ed, no conventional method of birth control was a 100% but yet they'd both knowingly risked that, their judgement scattered by their love for each-other. They couldn't deny either that it added an extra layer of intimacy, it was just in the most part unspoken what a turn on that was.
"Yeah, I knew that… I guess we just got a little careless, didn't we?" Logan discussed, intertwining his arm with hers and caressed the inside of her forearm casually.
"I guess..," Rory commented, sounding a little sad. She almost felt like perhaps Logan regretted being that intimate with her… it wasn't the nicest feeling. She wasn't sure he didn't but still… her self esteem was a little fragile that night. She could just sense everything that was at stake. Her and her family's reputation, her relationship - even if Logan had promised they'd figure it out together she still didn't quite believe this wasn't putting them in an incredibly fragile position.
"So? Today or tomorrow?" Logan asked, inhaling sharply, having gotten lost in his own thoughts.
"I'll maybe try one today… Just maybe we can get the weight off our chest and sleep better?" Rory suggested, it being evident she was not excited about the prospect either, and gulped down the rest of her soda, hoping to load up on liquids.
"Yeah, maybe..," Logan reflected.
Rory picked up one of the pricier tests, one with a purple plastic cover and headed for the bathroom. She regretted not bringing the instruction with her in an instant, as she struggled to figure out which way to hold the stick. It was only after she'd peed on it, when she also realized that she had been supposed to take off the thin plastic cover from the end.
"Oh, man…," she groaned, not believing she'd been so stupid. And naturally she no longer had to go for another try. She pulled her pants back up, tossing the stick to the trash, and washed her hands and stared at herself in the mirror disappointedly.
"Well?" Logan asked expectantly, ready to jump out of the couch.
"I did it wrong.. I didn't realize until it was too late.. I can't believe I had such a blonde moment," she sighed. "It's good we got a few of these…," Rory exhaled dissapointedly.
"Hey, you see this one recommends you use a sterile cup of some sort and then apply the urine onto the stick like this, and this one advises to put the stick into the cup...," Logan pointed out the instructions of the other two brands they'd bought.
"Yeah but that'd mean I'd actually have to find something to pee into," Rory pointed out. They hadn't exactly thought of it. "God, I can't believe I'm discussing the particularities of my urinary function and the details of peeing into a cup with you..," Rory groaned, running her fingers through her hair.
"Well I have seen every inch of you already, so…," Logan shrugged, being surprisingly okay with it.
"Yeah, and next we'll be going to the bathroom with the door open in that new apartment of ours," Rory chuckled, sarcastically. "Of course if there'll even be one now…," she added, disheartedly.
"What do you mean? Of course there'll be one… Even if one of these does turn out positive, we'll still get a place...," Logan said like it was obvious.
"So you just assume…," Rory began, not quite daring to finish the thought that was forming in her brain. But it sure sounded like he was pretty certain that one way or another there wasn't going to be a baby. She didn't want this to happen now either - but she wasn't quite sure she could do that. Whenever she'd done abortion debates in her life, and she'd done a few and known both sides of the debate, she'd always thought back to the scenario that most people in her mother's situation at the age of 16 wouldn't have kept her. She wouldn't be alive in that case, and that was a pretty personal reason not to like that particular option unless there was good reason for it.
"Assume what?" Logan wasn't following.
"That there isn't going to be a baby," Rory replied, sounding already a little upset. It was so hard saying it out loud.
"That's not what I meant," Logan replied, wrapping his hand around her beautiful face. "I am not eager to be a father yet, no… but I just meant that whatever the outcome - we'll still get a place. It's just the matter of what kind of a place. If needed - one with a nursery," Logan said, spelling it out slowly and clearly even as a surprise to himself.
"You're serious?" Rory reflected, not believing her ears either.
"Serious and maybe crazy?" Logan tried to joke.
"Definitely crazy," Rory agreed, smiling a little.
"Whatever this is we'll talk about it, we'll come to a decision and deal with the consequences. What I know for a fact is that I love you and I want us to figure out the best way forward," Logan replied.
"How are you so calm about this?" Rory didn't believe her ears.
"I am not," Logan replied. "But I don't want you stressing about this alone…, so I guess I'm trying to be calm, I'm trying to think rationally," he added. He was also the 'unless proven' kind of guy, wanting evidence before he went down the rabbit hole unlike Rory, which worked for his advantage here.
"I don't think I can really help stressing about this. In the end it's always the girl and the baby and their life being over as they know it… The guys are free to bolt and carry on… and..," Rory admitted, clearly spiraling.
"Hey, I wouldn't do that…," Logan assured in a firm tone, squeezing her arm.
"You say that now..," Rory added, still in disbelief.
"I say that now with the information that I have. That it could be nothing or that it could be…," Logan began, becoming thoughtful, the possibility hitting him now fully. He was trying to be stronger than he was, but strangely enough the possibility didn't freak him out nearly as much as he'd feared. Honestly, he didn't know what was going on with him. A year ago he'd had that exact fit Rory had been concerned about.
"A baby, Logan. You can say it..," Rory reflected, hating spelling it out just as well. But it was a reality check nonetheless.
"Yes a 'baby'. But either way, I'm not leaving you alone with these decisions. I am not leaving you, period…," Logan confirmed. "Frankly… even though I know you don't have much to go on concerning me, and your experiences are not great in this department… but I'm actually a little hurt you'd think I'd do that…," Logan expressed, feeling genuinely disappointed.
"I'm sorry… This is just the one thing I've always been cautioned against. It's always been the one thing to screw everything up. It's such an easy way to imagine things going wrong just like they went wrong with my parents. Today you came up to me with these apartment-listings and I could just feel that whole dream slipping away. At dinner today, I was just picturing what all those people would say - how I did it on purpose, how that was the kind of person I was, how disappointed they were in me, how our relationship would get ruined as they force us to marry because of this and take over our lives and how we'll end up hating each-other because we got forced into being together…," Rory explained, her sentences turning into blubber as tears took over.
"Oh, hey… shh..," Logan soothed her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. "I trust you, I know you didn't do this on purpose… we're not 16, we're adults, we almost have college degrees, we have some money… They can't force us to do anything we don't want to do," Logan assured. "I don't care what others think or say and you shouldn't either…," he added.
"Easier said than done," Rory replied, wiping her tears away.
Logan couldn't argue with that, but he did see things in a brighter light. It actually allowed him a chance to imagine a future different from what his father had planned - maybe if he was disowned for this was actually the way out? He didn't have a ton of money, but he had enough to get them started if needed. It was a whole new way to think about it.
"I love you, remember?" Logan said.
In that moment Rory saw that in his eyes clearer than ever before - he really did, didn't he?
"I love you," Rory replied.
He just held her for a while, allowing her to gather herself.
"Have you ever thought about… um… kids?" Logan asked, not having expected to have this conversation this soon but now seemed as good as time as any.
"In some very distant scenario, I guess. In my 30s or something... But I've always been pretty squeamish about the whole thing, so I wouldn't really know how I'd manage with the whole thing," Rory admitted.
"Honestly… I hadn't either, not ever… I couldn't even understand why anybody would want to, for years. But just like with you it's so easy to picture us living together.. The thought of that, while still with its unpleasant aspects like sleepless nights and the screaming and the diapers…," Logan described, laughingly. "... with you the thought doesn't seem that impossible or horrible..," he added.
"So you have pictured us, like that?" Rory asked.
"Yeah, but not as young as this, obviously," Logan added.
Having wiped away the rest of her tears, Rory placed her forehead onto his and kissed him as a thank you - it was what she'd needed to hear. It didn't erase her nervousness or undo the worry - but she did feel calmer than before. He wasn't going anywhere because of this. And this alone was more than she'd dared to hope for.
"Let's just go to bed. You'll take another one of these tomorrow. Then we'll know for sure," Logan assured, sensing how both he and Rory were just tired of the day.
They did do that, not caring for the state of the coffee table, covered by a pizza box and half a dozen pregnancy tests with their instructions laying wide open. They slept with their bodies intertwined, their embrace comforting of them for whatever was to come. In this light, some silly dinner with other people's old-fashioned and redundant expectations looming over them hardly mattered at all.
The next morning Rory snuck out of bed, having not slept that great, knowing what she needed to do, as quietly as she could. She took a clean glass with her to the bathroom, not wanting to waste a drop of urine, figuring she'd just end up throwing the glass away later on. It seemed like her best bet even if it wasn't probably entirely sterile. She tried to take a few tests at once, plus use the glass to test with the rest. The coffee table almost looked like a chemistry lab of some sort like that. Rory used Logan's maritime themed wall clock for time and waited. There was one test that appeared to be faulty with no control stripe, but the rest all said the same thing.
Rory snuck back in bed, tucking her freezing cold feet between Logan's thighs, which as intended caused him to stir.
"Uh?" Logan inquired sleepily, not quite out of his sleepy haze, not quite realizing how important this particular morning was.
"I'm not pregnant," Rory said, the relief evident in her tone.
"Uh? You're not?" Logan reflected, now finally waking.
"At least not according to the tests. I figured, I should still go see my doc to be sure everything is fine, but every single test says 'no', except for the one that was faulty, that is. But that's statistics, right?" Rory exclaimed, speaking very quickly.
"You're sure!?" Logan needed confirmation.
"Yes!" Rory replied.
"Oh, god, that's such a relief..," Logan exhaled, leaning onto his back. They were past hiding their real feelings - they were both incredibly relieved.
"You're telling me? I already had nightmares about what was coming around the mountain…," Rory added dramatically, feeling ligh a giant weight had been lifted.
Logan wrapped his fingers into the back of her hair, and pulled her on top of him, while kissing her fiercely. The kiss, and all the rest that was to come, was celebratory, their relationship having only been strengthened by this curveball of a scare.