"You know, I felt like with everything that was going on, that I really didn't belong here anymore. That I had to get away to somewhere that I would fit in. But I'm leaving in like...what, three days? And now suddenly I feel like doing this is all wrong."

"Why?"

Jim shrugged. "Guess because I'm already missing her. No, not for those two weeks I'll be gone. But because I know these three days is the last time I'll be able to call her Beesley. To act normally to her. Well, as normal as it is now. Because after I get back, she'll belong to Roy. She'll have a different name. What's Roy's last name anyway? Funny that things like that never came up with us. I mean, he's been her fiancé forever. You'd think that I would know. But I haven't a clue, really." Suddenly Jim looked over. "You're not filming this, right? We're totally off record?"

The camera man assured the lie with a nod.

Jim shook his head. He was talking it out and getting comfort - from the camera man. The camera man! Had he really sunk so low? Was Pam really the only person he used to talk to when he needed to get something off his chest?

'Guess I blew that bridge sky high.' He thought whiskfully.

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"He says I only hear what I want to. That I'm trying to be blind. Who says that? I mean, really! I'm getting married in five days! And he wants to question me? And now? " Pam shook her head sadly. "Truth is, I see everything. I know everything that's going on. Like, I can see the distance that he's running to get away from me. To go anywhere.

I heard him that day - he didn't care where in the world he was going, as long as it was far from me. He's getting away from me. So what does that mean? That's what I don't understand! Does he really care? I'm only hearing negative from him now. Not just today, but it's been like that. All our inside jokes are gone. Everything fun we used to do is in the past. And now he just looks...like that. Like he's upset all the time. It's why I originally sat with him today - to make him be himself. But it only got worse! So now it's like...he's running away from me. And I hate this feeling. This feeling that I'm like...I don't know. Thrown? Yeah... I guess that's it. I'm thrown. And how do you get back up after that?"

The camera man shrugged in reply, his hand over the blinking red light of his device.

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"She said she was getting married, and I was like...well, that's okay. I can make that okay. Because I'm like that. I can lie to myself, and it honestly works pretty well. I mean yeah, it wears down after a while. And it comes back to haunt me in the dead of night. But I thought Australia would help, you know? It's a totally different place. I'd always have something to focus on. But I didn't even make it to Australia. The defense shield has crumbled before I can even get on that plane. So what now? I thought, hey, I can leave. No problem. But it's like...I miss her. Already I do. And what's worse...I'll come back, but she wont. She'll never...never come back"

Jim's mouth hung slightly in his realization, then looked up at the quiet man in front of him, nodding his head as if he understood.

What did he know? He was a camera man, that was all.

What did he know about such torture?

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"It was kinda an insult, though. I mean...he was basically saying I was completely naive! And here I was...finally growing up. You know? I thought I was being strong. I'm getting married! Isn't that being pretty courageous? You don't see Jim Halpert marrying!" Pam stopped, biting the corner of her bottom lip as thoughts ran through her head. "Of course...he is going to Australia. He hates flying, he told me before. And there it's winter and all, right now. And you need to get a money change too. So that's courageous. It is..." She let out a laugh, but it came out more like a sigh.

"And here I am, defending him. I couldn't defend Roy...but I can defend Jim?" This time, it was a heavy sigh that rose from her chest. "Some times I think that the only reason Roy proposed to me is because he's afraid to lose me. Not me, really. But to lose anyone. Anything. I mean, what would his friends say? They'd make fun of him nonstop. Jim said that I'm marrying Roy because of all the time I put in to him. But what if that's what's going on with Roy? What if he thinks 'well, I might as well after I put all this effort in to it.'" She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "I don't know. It's probably just cold feet. It's probably nothing. Stupid doubts, is all. It'll go away. It always does. Because I am courageous. I made a commitment, and I'm going to stick with it. And if that's not being brave and strong, tell me what is!"

Realizing how that sounded, she quickly cringed. "Wow...that came out wrong. Guess it's good this isn't recorded on tape, right?" She let out a light laugh.

The camera man nodded slightly, moving closer to the lens of his camera.

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