Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling

Chapter 14: OotP 9: April Fool's Day

(Thoughts)

(You should be ashamed of your self, young lady!) Thought Selena.

(Yeah, you're scaring Hermione) thought old Luna.

(I'm trying to teach her a lesson) thought young Luna.

(And you're doing a masterful job) thought the sword. (Well played, young Slytherin. I am proud to have you in my house.)

(Still, the way she's reacting, I think she wants me to carry out my threat,) thought young Luna. (Maybe I should. It would be loads of fun.)

(You'd better not!) Thought old Luna. (Harry's having a hard enough time dealing with being offered to the Slytherin girls!)

When the tugging sensation on her navel ceased, Hermione found herself in a room whose walls were covered floor to ceiling with books on shelves. The bed Luna had been sitting on had been replaced with a comfortable looking armchair. There was another, just like it, turned at a ninety-degree angle to the right. Luna was staring off into space.

"Uh, Luna? Luna? LUNA!"

"Huh? Oh sorry Hermione. Please, be seated," said Luna as she gestured to the other chair.

When Hermione had stood up from her kneeling position and seated herself in the chair, Luna stood up, waved her wand, and a dark blue robe appeared on her. She sat back down, turned to Hermione and said:

"Now that my Slytherin side has explained to you the gravity of your situation, my Ravenclaw side can ask you for what I really want."

"Where are we?" asked Hermione.

"Ravenclaw Tower," said Luna as she crossed her legs with a tinkling sound.

Hermione glanced down and noticed that Luna was still wearing the pumps and the chain mail hose. Hermione felt her nether regions tingle as she wondered if Luna was still wearing that corset under her robe.

"I've got you over a barrel," said Luna. "You promised me anything I want and I could ask anything of you. What I want is for you to quit the Junior Aurors."

"Why?" asked Hermione.

"Your friendship is very important to Harry," explained Luna. "He hasn't said anything to me, but as long as you are working with Scrimgeour, he can't trust you completely and neither can I."

"But I want to have a career with the Ministry some day," protested Hermione.

"Hermione, think about it. When the truth about the return of Voldemort comes out, do you really think that the people you are currying favor with will still be in power?" asked Luna.

"I never thought about it that way before," said Hermione. "You're right. Okay I'll do it. As soon as we get back to Hogwarts, I'll tell Professor Scrimgeour that I'm out."

"Good," said Luna. "Now, I can tell you want to know about these books"

"I've never heard of most them. Do you think I could absorb some of them?" asked Hermione with a hungry look in her eye.

"Sure, you can absorb them all," said Luna. "You know this is just a small portion of the books on this floor alone. And Ravenclaw Tower has many floors filled with books. Next summer we were planning to invite members of the D.A. over to absorb them."

Scene break

"Class, today we have special visitor," said the Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Stewart. "Professor Scrimgeour has come in his capacity as Hogwarts High Inquisitor to examine what we do in this class. So, yesterday we had had just started our study of atomic power. Mrs. Potter, what is used to fuel a nuclear reactor?"

"Uranium, sir," said Luna.

"Usually that is the case. But sometimes plutonium is used. This is an element that does not occur in nature. The Muggles make it in their nuclear reactors," said Professor Stewart. "Now then, Mister Smith, what is plutonium more commonly used for by the Muggles?"

And so the class continued with Scrimgeour busily scribbling away on his clipboard in the back of the room.

Scene Break

When Luna awoke, she was alone in Harry's bed.

"Harry?" asked Luna.

"Just a minute," called Harry from the other side of the room that housed the 5th year Gryffindor boys. Presently, the bed curtains opened and Harry came in carrying a tray with breakfast on it. "Happy Birthday and April fool's day!" said Harry.

"Now they can't tell you: You can't get away with this, she's only fourteen!" said Luna.

"No, now they'll say: You can't get away with this she's only fifteen!" said Harry.

Scene break

"Rufus I must protest this action in the strongest possible terms!" said Dumbledore. "Hogwarts needs its Potions Master! You can't just go firing my teachers, willy-nilly!"

"I'm afraid I can. Ministry order #34," said Scrimgeour. "Besides the man is a menace. He blatantly favors his own house at the expense of others. He deliberately frightens many of the kids. He's a Death Eater! What other reason to get rid of him do I need?"

"Severus was cleared of all charges and granted immunity after he defected to our side!" said Dumbledore. "Indeed, the information that he brought us as a spy within the ranks of the Death Eaters saved countless lives! And as for Ministry order #34, if the Ministry didn't waste all its time trying interfere with the running of this school you might find yourself having time to prepare for the war!"

"THERE IS NO WAR!" roared Scrimgeour. "And if you didn't waste all of your time fighting the Ministry, you might have time to do some educating!"

Scene Break

When Harry and his friends entered the Potions lab, they found a familiar face waiting for them behind Snape's desk.

"Good morning class," said Lucius Malfoy.

"What happened to Professor Snape?" asked Hermione.

"Professor Snape had to resign suddenly," said Professor Malfoy. "The Ministry assigned me to take his place for the rest of term."

Scene Break

It was lunchtime.

Luna, Amanda and Stan were eating with the rest of the Slytherins, when suddenly Stan dropped his spoon. He inhaled sharply as he clutched his belly and fell backwards off the bench, spilling his soup in the process. Then he began screaming at the top of his lungs. The longer he did so, the higher pitched his scream became. Then, still screaming, he grabbed his groin. No matter what they tried, Luna and Amanda were unable to console him. But when he started growing breasts, they realized what had happened. Someone had slipped a sex change potion into his soup!