Inuyasha isnt mine. heck, even the plot of this aint mine. but the words... yes they are mine. i'm practically translating a whole movie in english here! -sighs- please, no one sue me! i have no money to fight any legal battles. (ok, i'm done. i'm so stupid. sowwee!)
Chapter 20: A Road of Pain and Heartache
It was a long journey back home – well, at least for Miroku. The ever-so-talkative person had no words to say to Sango except for the every minute interval of loud sighing. He would constantly take a glance at her or simply watched her from the corner of his eye, just to see how she was doing. Sango remained silent, looking straight ahead to the road, and the amount of seriousness produced in her face equalled the amount of her sadness. Miroku could only offer sympathy.
Miroku parked the car right in front of his house, which was across from Sango's. "Well, here we are, Lady Sango. Home sweet home. I'll walk you home, don't worry," he winked at her, still able to add humour despite of the situation. He watched as Sango only nodded before stepping out of the vehicle. He observed how she simply resembled a walking zombie, simply walking straight ahead as if no care for the world. "Hey! Wait up," he called to her as he quickly dashed out of his car and ran to her side.
And once again, he sighed.
She still remained mime.
"I knew you'd be home by now!" a cheerful voice greeted them. Miroku smiled at the young brother of Sango who, despite his physical weakness, erupted with strong exuberance.
"You should be asleep by now, Kohaku," Miroku commented. He stole a look at Sango, thinking that when she saw her brother she would snap put of her muteness. He sighed for the eleventh hundred times. Sango remained as silent as a goldfish.
Kaede appeared from the kitchen doorway. "I couldn't get him to sleep. The young one is excited to hear all about this party," she explained. "It was the first time her sister had been out late," she said in a humorous tone.
Kohaku smiled sheepishly at the both of them. "So, ane-ue, how was it? Was Inuyasha there? Did he say why he never comes to visit? Did you tell him Kirara and I miss him?" he asked his sister.
Every question hit her hard. What could she say to her little brother? Instead of answering Kohaku's question, Sango stormed out of the house, trying hard to refrain her self from crying foolish tears. The smile on Kohaku's face vanished; replaced by the look of fear he might have said something wrong.
Miroku returned his gaze on the young boy's concerned face, after he stared at the retreating Sango. "Don't worry, Haku. Your sister had just a bit of a bad night, sort-of like a bad hair day. I'm sure by tomorrow she'll be okay and ready to answer your questions."
Kohaku looked down at his lap. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong. Maybe ane-ue was just mad because I stayed up late. My bedtime was ten," he said sadly.
Miroku walked up to him and patted him on the back. "It's not your fault. I'll go talk to her, I promise. Now, you should go to sleep so your sister won't get more upset. Okay?"
Kohaku nodded slowly. "Will you tell her I'm sorry?"
Miroku nodded; saddened by the fact that Sango's gloominess was affecting Kohaku. "Good night, Haku," he said as he watched the young boy get up the stairs with the help of Kaede. "Good night, Ms. Kaede," he said before disappearing outside.
He found Sango sitting by the front porch swing. "Sango…" Miroku gently called out to her. A sad look crossed over his face as he stared at the crying woman.
Sango was sitting by the front porch, face drenched with tears. The pain was unbearable. It was almost as equal as the day she learned of her parents' death. Her heart was breaking into tiny pieces, as if it was a jewel pierced by an arrow breaking into shards then scattering all over the place.
"It really hurts, doesn't it?" Miroku said, eyes looking up into the cloudless sky. "Loving someone, that is. Especially if you knew the person you love," he paused, aware a lump in his throat began forming. His violet eyes clouded with pain, as he looked at the woman he loved so much, as a best friend and much more. "Already belongs to someone else; whether by will or not. Sometimes, it's not even fair," his voice was full of emotion; he was speaking from experience.
"You don't know how it feels. How could you? You've had so many lovers and girlfriends. You've never felt rejected, Miroku," Sango spoke up for the first time, yet her tone had a touch of venom.
Miroku looked away from her. "You're wrong. I know how that kind of pain feels. I am just good at hiding my emotions. I am just good at looking for other things to occupy my mind than let myself cry over something I have no control of," he said, anger rising. How could Sango accuse him of such crime?
"Well, I'm not exactly like you, am I? This is the first time I fell in love; and what did I get out of it? Nothing!" her voice notched up a volume higher.
Fortunately, Miroku understood her frustration. Still, he could not sit there and let Sango drown in pain "Cry all you want, Sango. Be mad. Get angry. Be in rage. Do anything violent," he could fill his fingernails dug deeper into skin as his hand clenched tightly. Then with a much softer and calmer tone, Miroku said, "Just don't lose hope." He took Sango's hand and clasped it firmly. His heart ached for his friend whom he loved in the most pure, honest way a man could ever love a woman. But she did not belong to him. "Never forget for a minute those who love you." Miroku released her hand and stood up. "You'll always have me, Sango. Always keep that in mind." With that, he walked away towards his home, fading into the darkness of the night.
Her glazed eyes were fixed on Miroku's retreating figure. Her thoughts were jumbled in confusion and drowning in questions. Miroku was right. Loving someone was painful and unfair. Fate was simply unbiased in regards to her. For a moment she questioned Fate why she couldn't have simply fallen in love with Miroku. He was a perfect gentleman, sweet, kind and was always there for her. Things could have been a lot easier.
But the heart chose someone else. Her heart chose a man who had already belonged to another.
Inuyasha, her heart screamed in pain.
Sango buried her face in her hands as she vowed to shed the last tears for Inuyasha. She would always love him; but he was not for her to claim.
OOOooOOooOOOooOOooOOOooOOooOOOooOOooOOOooOOooOOOooOOooOOO
Pain. Such a simple word. If he were a writer and he would write a story of his life at the very moment, pain would be used as many times as he could make it in a sentence.
Pain. What a despicable word?
Inuyasha snorted. How did he get into such a position? Well, hell be damned! He wouldn't waste such a peaceful, quiet reverie and a good bottle of beer just to think things through. All that would do would drive him mad and confuse him the more. He gulped down the whole bottle of beer, letting the cool liquid oozed down his throat.
Inuyasha closed his eyes, resting his head as he lied down on the platform set up in the centre of the garden. The place had already been cleaned up of the previous night's party. All was left was the small stage built for the musicians. Inuyasha found a resting place on it. He felt another presence around him. He opened one eye to see his older brother leaning against the post, drinking a glass of red wine.
"What're you doin' here?" he grunted.
"I am here to think," Sesshoumaru simply answered without bothering to look at him.
Inuyasha snickered out loud. "And you think you could think with me hanging around?"
"I am not here to fight. As I've stated, I am here to think," Sesshoumaru replied coolly. He idly sipped on his drink, one hand inside his pocket. He was simply enjoying a peaceful night at the garden. Most of the house's occupants had gone to sleep. Sesshoumaru came back, right after he brought Kagura home. He simply did not realize Inuyasha was lying on his back at the platform until he heard him snort.
"Not here to fight, huh? I highly doubt it!" he muttered under his breath, not sure if his older brother even heard it. Silence then followed suit.
"It is not sanitary to sprawl out on that stage where it has been trudged upon by dirty shoes," Sesshoumaru spoke up, still refusing to look at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha rose up from his lying down position. He grabbed another beer bottle he had brought with him on his supposed quiet pondering. "What's it to you, Mr. Clean? Don't tell me you're all concerned about your little brother's welfare? Well, I'll be damned!" he snarled in a childish manner.
He watched Sesshoumaru took another sip at his wine. His eyes were closed as if he was on deep meditation. "You already are damned by being trapped in an engagement you are hesitant about," he replied languidly.
"What the fuck do you mean by that, you moron?" Inuyasha almost shouted.
Sesshoumaru faced him, his eyes mocking his little brother. "You did not even bother hide your grim face when Dad announced your engagement to that little twit of yours," he said as if it was a matter-of-point.
Inuyasha's golden eyes narrowed in anger. "Fuck off, Lord Sesshoumaru!"
"The only words in your vocabulary much used," his tone was sardonic. "The whole evening your eyes preyed on that florist who also helped planned this party. Why am I not surprised, little brother? Was she also some woman-on-the-side?"
Inuyasha had the urge of jumping from where he sat and attacking Sesshoumaru. If only he did not have the content of alcohol he consumed in him, he wouldn't feel so light-headed. "Be happy I'm a little drunk or else that damn pretty face of yours will have a throbbing black eye," he growled at his older brother who by the minute was looking more and more annoying than he ever was. "And who are you to preach about this kind of thing? Last time I heard you're engaged to Koura. Why did you have another bimbo with you this evening?" He knew he hit the right mark. He saw anger flashed in his brother's eyes. Inuyasha sighed. He was getting tired of this. He had too much on his mind to rack his brain of comebacks to use for an insult against Sesshoumaru.
Alcohol clouded and subdued his usual violent self. "This is fucking tiring! Who cares what you think, anyways. Sango is not my woman-on-the-side. For your information, she's as good a woman a man could ever have the privilege to be with!" He did not know why he was telling that to Sesshoumaru. It was the alcohol talking.
"Then why are you not with her? You certainly hold a high regard on this woman," Sesshoumaru questioned after a moment's pause. He, also, was exhausted to indulge in a never-ending fight with an idiot for a brother.
Inuyasha who would usually growl or snap at him for asking only stared down at the ground. "It's not as easy. I would if I could."
"Who is stopping you? Kagome? Certainly if you hold esteem on this other woman, Kagome would not matter," Sesshoumaru supplied if a bit surprised he was having this talk with Inuyasha. Yet he understood why the bickering turned into a matured, serious, half-decent conversation. Inuyasha was having the same dilemma as he was. He saw it in Inuyasha's eyes when the younger man glared at him.
A throbbing ache in his head appeared. Inuyasha gulped down on the beer bottle once more, intent of drowning his self in the glorious dream in order to sleep undisturbed for the night. This conversation with Sesshoumaru, although less on the insulting remarks, was going sour. "Kagome has no control over whom I choose to admire or like," he said, regretting after for slipping up.
"The halfwit is your fiancée. Surely she had the say in such matters. I highly doubt she approves of you attaching yourself with another woman," he spat the words at Inuyasha; yet the words were intended for himself as well.
Inuyasha even let go of Sesshoumaru's insulting referral of Kagome. He was more concerned with what the statement contained. Sesshoumaru was right on many levels. Instantly, his mind recalled that day Sesshoumaru told him to use his second chance wisely. "I was only following your advice," he muttered under his breath, thinking out loud.
"And that would be?"
Normally he wouldn't answer a question his brother had posted. He would, if only the sentence involved the words: Fuck off, Sesshoumaru, none of your business. Yet, in his despair, he needed to release some tension, confusion and pain. Sesshoumaru was the only available person for the job. "You told me to use this second fucking chance wisely. I am!"
"By subjecting yourself in a loveless, forlorn engagement?"
"I used to love Kagome," he mumbled.
Sesshoumaru drank the last contents of his wine glass. He placed the empty glass on the ledge. "Once again, you failed to understand what I had said. You are truly a hopeless idiot. A second chance does not mean to give in to others' wishes even if it caused you heavy predicaments." He had said his last piece. He walked away steadily from his younger brother and into the house. He already felt awkward for having a (literally) harmless and serious talk with Inuyasha.
He stared after Sesshoumaru. Who the hell gave Sesshoumaru the right to judge him? The bastard had just brought another woman while being engaged to another! Inuyasha clenched his fists. He would deal with this stomach-aching, mind-boggling, heart-wrenching problem he had. Tomorrow he would go see Sango.
Tomorrow he would get his answer.
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The tomorrow he promised himself became three days exactly. Inuyasha just gave himself more time to think. He slowly trudged the path that led to the small flower shop in the City Plaza. He stopped by the front entrance. How long ago was his last visit there? He walked in, going directly to where a familiar jolly man in colourful clothing stood.
"Hey," he greeted casually.
Jakotsu turned around, yelping a surprise sound. "My, my. Look who finally decided to show up again! What happened to ya, lovah-boy? You have been MIA for the past few weeks."
"I was just very busy. Is Sango here?"
Jakotsu studied the other man closely. Still the same hot Inuyasha as before; yet he knew (even though Sango never said a word of it) this was the same Inuyasha who made Sango gloomy these days. "Would you give me a kiss if I tell you where Mistress Sango is?" he snickered with amusement. A kiss from Inuyasha wouldn't be half as bad.
Inuyasha snorted. "What about a sucker-punch instead?"
Jakotsu glared. "That's not very funny. You just lost my affections for ya, you white-haired male species. I'm not gonna tell ya where Sango is?"
"Who are you not gonna tell where I am at, Jaki?" Sango appeared from the back room of the shop.
Jakotsu's face fell flat. So much for that kiss! He threw his hands up in the air. "Eh? Well, now you know where she is," he poked Inuyasha on the chest. "I'm off to lunch!" he said with a dejected voice then disappeared.
"Hey," Inuyasha said softly.
"What can I do for you?" Sango asked with indifference. She was able to calm down the somersaulting heart of hers the moment she laid eyes on Inuyasha. Why was he here? Did he come by to cause her more pain, whether his intention or not?
"I need to talk to you. Is there some place where we can talk privately?"
Sango knew she should refuse and send him away. The more minute she would spend with him would be like a lifetime of heartache. Yet, she nodded anyway. "It's lunchtime. I can close the shop for a few minutes," she walked towards the door and locked it then turned the 'open' sign over. "We can talk at the back room. I'm doing some flower arranging for a customer." Inuyasha followed her. Sango went back to the unfinished artwork she had been doing. Her back was facing Inuyasha; she simply could not let herself drown in pain by gazing into his eyes. She felt Inuyasha's gentle hands on both her arms as he turned her body to face him. A look of surprise crossed her face.
Inuyasha immediately noticed the alarming look on Sango's face. He released his hold on her and took a step or two backward. He opened his mouth to begin the long speech he had mentally practiced for the past three days. His throat became extremely dried. Inuyasha clamped his lips tightly, losing the train of thoughts he had so carefully rehearsed.
The room was filled with awkward silence, both individuals gauging on each other. Sango broke the silence. "You said you wanted to talk?"
Inuyasha brought a hand to the back of his neck. He felt foolish and nervous. "Well, I need to tell ya something," he said, still stalling.
Sango wanted to scream "out with it" to Inuyasha, just so she wouldn't have to endure this painful quietness with him any longer. Instead, she waited, if rather impatiently, for him to speak out.
Inuyasha heaved a deep breath. It was now or never! "I know you have this relationship with Miroku; and I also value our friendship to its very core. But Sango, I don't think I'm doing myself a favour if I'm not gonna tell you about these…these," he started to stammer. This was harder than he anticipated. "About these feelings, umm, I, uh, well, I, uh, have," he scratched the back of his neck once again. "I know it doesn't make sense. Hell, it really doesn't. I'm more confused than I ever was."
Sango's brow was knitted. As confusing as Inuyasha had spoken, she had a vague idea what he was trying to say. "Inuyasha, can you please be a little more direct?" she said carefully.
Inuyasha's eyes were fixed on the floor. He did not speak for minutes. Sango even thought he would just stay silent. Alas, he spoke out, and this time with more confidence. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that," he paused once more, adding a half litter of frustration on her. "Sango," he looked up to meet delicate bronze eyes. "I think I'm falling in love with you!" He did not wait for any reaction. He was better with actions than words anyway. So he acted to explain further.
With more courage he had mustered in a span of four minutes, Inuyasha pulled Sango to him, lifted her chin with gentle fingers and kissed her as passionate as a kiss could be.
A/N: For those who wanted an explanation on this chapter, please check out my profile. I don't want to make this any longer than it is.
I still thank all those who are generous enough to leave a review. Thank you guys and girls. Getting 200-plus reviews are something I never dreamed of! –bows down in all humility-