Hello! This chapter is a little shorter than most but… well, I'll just let you read it. I'm sorry in advance.

Chapter Fifteen

"But they also asked me something else. They wanted to know if you'd be coming back to 51." They hadn't broached this topic at all since she came back. Matt wasn't lying to Herrmann when he'd said it wasn't high on the list of priorities, but now he was curious. He wanted to know where she was at with all this.

"Honestly… I'm not sure if I want to."

Her response stunned him momentarily, Gabby looking up from her lap as she caught his gaze. She knew her answer to the question would catch him off guard, knowing Matt probably never thought of any other scenario aside from her returning to the firehouse. He knew they hadn't discussed it yet, but it never crossed his mind that she wouldn't, at some point, come back.

"Matt?" She asked, trying to snap him out of his headspace, him not having said a word in the minutes that had passed.

"Why don't you want to go back?" He managed to get out, a clear look of confusion mixed with concern covering his face.

"I… truthfully, I don't know if 51 could ever really feel like home to me again." She started, the confusion not leaving his features. "You said yourself, they don't know how to act around me, they're not sure if they want me back. And everything before…" She trailed off, Matt rubbing his thumb softly over her shoulder as he watched her. He'd managed to snap out of his daze, seeing how hard this decision was on her. He'd support her with whatever she decided to do, no question, but he wanted to know why she was making this choice. "I just don't know if me going back is the best idea."

"They're your family, Gabby."

"Yeah…" She started, sucking in a short breath. "They were… but after everything that happened, I don't know-"

"What aren't you telling me?" He asked her, being able to read between her words. She was holding something back, something keeping her from feeling comfortable going back there. "You keep saying 'after everything', what are you talking about?"

"It's really not important-"

"Yes it is." He interjected. "It's making you feel like you can't go back there, it's affecting you. What happened?"

He watched her take a deep breath, preparing to explain everything to him, Gabby leaning deeper into his hold, Matt welcoming her willingly.

"You and I weren't the only ones who got in a fight before I left." She started, seeing a look of surprise fall onto his face. "Brett and I… we got into a pretty bad fight, the same shift where everything for us started to..." She spoke with a slight grimace on her face. Matt nodded, understanding the fight her and Brett had started shortly after everything between them began going downhill. "It was the call after I found out you'd gone to the adoption agency, after our fight in your office." Matt felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he remembered the harsh words he'd said to her. He knew he still had apologies to make for that day, for how he handled that situation, and he would. But right now wasn't the time.

Swallowing thickly, he encouraged her to continue. "What happened?"

"That call, it was simple enough, but truthfully neither Brett nor I probably should've been working. After everything with losing that woman, Brett hadn't really recovered from that, and I was upset about what you and I were going through…" Gabby prefaced. "She wasn't there, mentally anyway, while we were trying to treat this guy. We kind of got into it, I snapped at her, and she threw the ambo bag at me and left me to treat him."

"When we got back to the house, I tried to go apologize. I knew she was struggling and I took out my problems on her, but she didn't really want to hear it." Gabby spoke softly, wincing at the memory. "I tried to explain why I acted like that, explain to her it wasn't about her but she never let me get a word in. She talked about how she didn't care about what was going on in my life, that it didn't matter when we were out on calls." Gabby blew out a breath, "She talked about how I didn't respect her, and if I couldn't when we're working then she didn't want me as her partner anymore."

"Gabby, I-" Matt sat there, stunned, as her words sunk in. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shrugging softly, she gathered her thoughts before replying. "I didn't really have the chance to. Everything with us was a mess and I didn't want to pile onto that, especially when it didn't really matter…"

"Of course it mattered. She was one of your best friends… I'm sorry I made it so hard on you, that you didn't think you could tell me."

"It wasn't that, Matt. If I really wanted to, I could've found a moment to tell you, but... I don't know, it didn't seem to matter as much as everything else. I was more focused on trying to keep us from falling apart. Yeah, the first couple days after my fight with her, it hurt. But as more days passed, and it was clear how bad things between you and I had gotten… fixing my problems with Brett didn't seem as important."

The two sat in silence for a moment, Gabby placing her hand on Matt's leg, running it gently over his thigh. "I don't want you to feel bad about this."

"I just- I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I was so blinded by anger that I didn't stop to notice how much you were hurting." He apologized, Gabby sighing softly.

"We were both hurting, Matt. That last week before I left, neither of us were really functioning. Especially not together. We were both just going through the motions, trying to avoid another fight before I left." She spoke, the pain of that week haunting both of them. "Everything that happened between Brett and I was not your fault. I mean, yeah, it happened after our fight, but I still should've handled things better. And she didn't handle things well, either."

"You two never talked about it before you left?"

"No, we didn't. My last couple of shifts were spent with me pretty much avoiding her, and she was doing the same. And then my last shift when I told everyone about Puerto Rico, no one really said anything to me after that. On our last call, Brett asked me how long I'd be gone, but that was it. No one asked me why I was going, or what I'd be doing there, and- I guess it felt like I'd already left. Like they didn't really care what I was doing, so it made it easier to leave that part behind." She explained, Matt feeling his stomach sink hearing how isolated she felt her last few shifts. He never even realized, him still reeling from their fight at the time that he wasn't able to pay attention to things going on around him.

"I'm sorry Gabby, I didn't know you were feeling like that." But she just shrugged, giving him a sad smile.

"It is what it is. Like I said, I was more worried about you and I than anything going on at the firehouse. But, that's why I'm not sure if me going back is the best thing to do here. I mean, after I left, I never heard from any of them. Once I left for good, I wasn't surprised none of them called me, but when I was there in the beginning… I don't know, it kind of stung that they didn't care." She admitted, Matt knowing this whole thing hurt her more than she was letting on. "It felt like I wasn't apart of that family anymore… I don't feel apart of it. I don't think I'd feel comfortable trying to go and work there right now."

"Is that why you don't want them knowing what happened?"

"Kind of. It's that, but it's also that I just don't want a lot of people knowing…" He nodded, pulling her deep into his embrace as they sat on the couch. Her arm wrapped around his waist, the two of them holding onto each other tightly.

"Whatever you decide is best for you, I'll support it. I had no idea all of that happened… but I know they still love you Gabby. Even though it might not feel like it, I think if you'd see them, things would be easier than you think." He prompted, Gabby staying quiet. "But I can't tell you what to do here. If you decide you don't want to go back, that's fine too." He spoke, running his hand through her hair.

"I'll think more about it, I haven't given it a lot of thought yet. I haven't decided one way or the other… but someone's filled my spot, haven't they?"

"Emily Foster, yeah." She nodded against his neck.

"Yeah… it might just be better if I don't try and come back, I don't want to cause any trouble, or make anyone uncomfortable. Things might be better for everyone if I just leave that part of my life in the past."

She shifted in his arms, lifting her head up to look at him.

"We don't have to decide anything now, but I meant what I said. I'll support you no matter what you choose." He told her softly, her hand moving up from his waist to his neck, her thumb stroking his jaw.

"I know. And I know it's just not my decision, either. I want to do what's best for me, yeah, but I also want to do what's best for us." She spoke, Matt's smiling widening. Every time he was reminded of how much progress they'd made, it made his heart swell, lessening the worries deep in the back of his mind that they wouldn't be able to make it.

"We'll figure it out. Ultimately, it's your choice. But I'll be there to help you, you know how I great I am at giving advice."

Gabby chuckled, leaning in to kiss him softly, their lips moving together in a perfect rhythm. When they pulled back, she patted his neck gently, feeling his hands trail to her hips. "You're alright, I guess." She teased, moving her head back to his shoulder, the couple intent on enjoying a quiet morning together.

Matt walked into the common room, coming in from the conference room door, seeing most of the house sitting in their usual spots. A few eyes glanced up at him as he made his way to the coffee pot, the usual chatter dying down when he came in. Blowing out a sigh, he poured himself a cup of coffee, placing the pot back down. Turning around, he leaned his body weight against the counter top, catching any pairs of eyes that had been on him dart away. It was only halfway through his second shift back, and he knew he needed to speak to them about Gabby. Everyone had started to tiptoe around him like they had the topic of her, and it was getting on his nerves. Especially after hearing Gabby's side of things, and why she didn't want to come back, he was all the more annoyed at the firefighters around him. He understood them not being sure how to act about Gabby, and the last thing he wanted was to be mad at them. There were two sides to everything, and he was sure they had their reasons for not reaching out to her. But he still found himself irritated by their behavior.

Matt's eyes moved to the double doors as he heard them open, seeing Kelly walking in. When Kelly looked up, Matt nodded him over. "Hey man." Severide spoke.

"Can you, uh-" Matt kept his voice low, "can you bring the squad guys in here. I need to talk to everyone and I'd rather only do it once." Nodding understandingly, Kelly patted him on the arm.

"Yeah, give me a sec." Kelly quickly left the common room, leaving through the doors he'd just entered in, only to reappear thirty seconds later with the squad guys in tow.

"What are we doing?" Capp asked, as they stood in the entrance of the common room, gathering the attention of everyone else.

"Uh guys, I want to talk to you about something." Matt spoke up, moving closer to the middle of the room so everyone could see him.

"Everything okay, Captain?" Herrmann asked, Matt nodding as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Mouch to mute the tv before speaking.

"Yeah, it's about Gabby." He started, seeing eyes dart around the room, looking at one another. "Or, I guess it's about how you all feel about her. I've heard what's being said around here, about you all feeling apprehensive about having her back, because of her leaving. But I need you all to understand that you don't know what happened that caused her to leave." He spoke, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"What do you mean?" Stella asked from her seat at the table.

"She didn't one day just up and decide to leave. Her and I…" He took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain this without giving too many details. "There were things that happened to us before she even got offered the position. We got some… news, unexpectedly, that really hurt us- that hurt Gabby. Neither of us were in a good place, individually or together, so Gabby decided to go take the assignment to get some space, to be able to clear her head."

"What happened?" Brett couldn't help but ask, her mind flashing back to her fight with Gabby. How Dawson had tried to explain there was something going on, but she shut her down. Brett figured whatever Matt was talking about, was the same thing that caused Gabby to lose her cool on the call.

"The specifics don't matter." Matt spoke forcefully, continuing with his explanation. "When she first left, she never planned on not coming back. She didn't go over there with the intention of staying." He didn't want to get into why she stayed, they didn't need to know that. He just needed them to understand there were reasons for her doing what she did.

"I know I can't tell you how to feel, and if you want to stay mad at her, or be weary around her, I can't stop you. But just know I caused her to leave just as much as she chose to go. If you're gonna be mad at her, you have to be mad at me too. And things here were hard too-" He cut himself off quickly, not meaning for the words to come out like they did.

"Wait- things here? What did we do?" Herrmann asked in confusion.

Matt's eyes flashed to Brett, seeing her staring at him with a look of guilt covering her face. A few other members of 51 caught the interaction, but didn't have time to question it before Matt spoke up. "It's not my place to get into all of it, but her last week here, she didn't exactly feel welcome. Especially after she told you about what she was doing in Puerto Rico, she said it felt like she was already gone. And then none of you ever reached out to her while she was there, she didn't feel like she belonged here anymore." Matt pushed his hand against his temple, trying to relieve the headache that was forming in his skull.

"I just want you all to understand why she made the choices she did. I'm as much at fault here as she is… The problems with her and I were what made her leave, and then everything else just became too much. I know she left you guys too, but she never intended to hurt anyone. And trust me, for as nervous as you all are about this, she feels ten times worse. She doesn't even know if she wants to come back." He spoke, looking around at the firehouse. "So just… please at least try and understand where she's coming from. Nothing she did was her trying to hurt anyone." Matt spoke, the room falling quiet.

"Matt." Casey looked over to the entrance, his eyebrows furrowing when he saw Antonio standing behind the squad guys. He didn't know how long he'd been here, or better yet, why he was here. Gabby had told him Antonio was coming to spend time with her today, so he wasn't sure why the detective was here.

"Antonio, hey." He spoke, walking closer to him. "What's up?" He asked, the firefighters moving out of the way so the two men could see each other. Everyone in the house watched the two with interest, knowing the last time they saw them interact, Matt had punched him. But clearly they weren't in that place anymore.

"Can we talk?" Antonio asked, his eyes flickering behind Matt, seeing everyone looking at them. Matt tensed slightly, not knowing what Antonio was here to discuss, but he could only assume it had to do with Gabby.

"Yeah, let's go to my office." He offered, the two men disappearing down the hallway.

While they weren't completely back to where they had been before Gabby left, the two men were making great strides in repairing their fractured relationship. After that day at the diner, Antonio had come by the apartment and the two of them had a long talk, finding common ground and realizing they needed to move past everything that happened between them, just like he and Gabby were. They couldn't stay being angry or resentful at one another, not when Gabby needed both of them. In the days since, they'd been working on getting back to where they'd been before.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Gabby? Is she alright?" Matt asked as he stepped into his office, Antonio following and closing the door behind him.

"I was, I just left your place, she's- have you noticed her acting different lately?" Antonio questioned.

"Maybe a little, yeah. Did something happen?" Matt asked quickly, nerves filling his body.

"She just wasn't herself, when I got there it looked like she'd been crying… I don't know if something happened between you two." Antonio said apprehensively, doing his best to not sound accusatory. He and Matt had made progress, he didn't want to ruin that. But he was worried about his sister.

"No, nothing happened between us." Matt answered calmly. "She seemed okay this morning, but she's definitely not the same Gabby." He mused, Antonio nodding in agreement. "I know after everything she went through, there's no way to just get over it. But she's been jumpy… nervous, kinda. She has good and bad days with her anxiety from everything." He spoke, knowing Antonio had seen the same changes in her. "And she told me after my last shift she had trouble sleeping when I wasn't there. I know she doesn't like to be alone anymore."

"Yeah, I've noticed all that too."

"But nothing seemed worse than usual." Matt spoke, worry filling his voice. "She was fine before I left, I don't know what would've been going on to have her crying." He said with a frown.

"I'm not sure, all she kept saying was that she was fine, just tired. But something's going on with her- I didn't know if you knew anything."

"Nothing that you don't already know. I thought things had been getting better for her." It was like the frown had been permanently etched into his face, Matt wracking his brain to try and think of anything that would've caused her tears.

"I think she is doing better, but this stuff is always a rollercoaster, man." Antonio spoke, Matt looking to him. "Even though, overall, things are getting better, she'll still have some hard days. That could've been all this was."

"Yeah, you're right…" Matt agreed, reaching his hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. "I'm gonna call, check in on her." He couldn't help but think back to the conversation he'd had with her after last shift, about wanting to know if she was ready. He believed her when she said she was okay, knowing she probably believed it too.

"Couldn't hurt. I know hearing from you will probably put her mind at ease, too." Antonio mused, Matt pulling his attention from his phone to look up at the man in front of him, confusion evident in his features.

"What do you mean?"

"She's worried about you, Casey. With the accident you had on shift." Antonio spoke, Matt blowing out a sigh. "The burn worried her enough, but I guess the bruise you had on your back- it freaked her out."

"She told you about that?"

"Yeah, she did. She's convinced that there's something wrong, something that you're not telling her."

"I know she's worried, but there's really nothing to tell Antonio. I got caught in an explosion, but aside from the burn and some bruises I'm fine." He spoke, trying to sound convincing. He knew bringing up the headaches wouldn't help his cause, since he hadn't told Gabby about them. It wasn't that he didn't want her knowing, but clearly she was already worried enough. And he was fine.

"It'll probably take her some time to let go of the idea. I think she's struggling so much with it because she wasn't there when it happened. Every time you've gotten hurt before, she's been there. Seen the damage first hand, so she knows what she has to worry about. But her not being there, I think that's making it worse for her."

"Did she say that?" Matt hadn't taken that into consideration, that she wasn't used to not being there on a call where he'd gotten injured.

"Kinda. Mostly she was just focusing on thinking there was more going on than you were telling her. But the whole situation has her a little freaked out. And I know her not being on shift with you doesn't help either."

Matt brought his hand up, rubbing deeply over his forehead as Antonio's words sank in. "Yeah, I need to call her." The words barely left his mouth before the bells rung throughout the house, Matt sighing as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. "Later. I'll call her later."

Both men exited the office, Antonio following his path to the garage.

"I think I need to take a few more shifts off." Matt told him as they walked together. "I told her I would if she needed me to, and I think I should. Even if it's only just for my peace of mind."

"It couldn't hurt." Antonio agreed. "It would probably be good for both of you. I know she's worried about you while you're here, and you're worried about her. Maybe it was too early for you to come back." Matt nodded at him as they went through the double doors.

"Yeah, I think you might be right… Thanks for stopping by and letting me know." Matt spoke, Antonio following him through the garage, standing by the rig while Matt pulled on his gear.

"Of course. Will you let me know if you find out anything? Just so I know how worried I need to be."

Nodding, Matt stepped up into the rig. "Yeah, I will."

Antonio thanked him, stepping away from the rig, as they prepared to pull out, the man glancing back and seeing a few pairs of eyes on him before the firefighters climbed into their rigs. Matt gave him a nod, before 81 pulled out from the garage, the other companies following in tow.

During the drive, Matt moved his turnout coat back, reaching into his pocket for his phone, typing a quick message to Gabby before he needed to shift his focus completely on work.

'Hi. Just thinking about you. I love you.'

Gabby stood in the closet, staring mindlessly at the disorganized mess in front of her. Once Antonio had left her, she'd taken to trying to find a task to keep her mind occupied. Today had been hard; harder than normal. The last thing she needed was to be alone with her thoughts. And an undertaking like re-organizing their closet was the perfect thing to keep her busy. As soft music flowed through the apartment from the radio in the kitchen, Gabby began pulling clothes down, taking them out into the bedroom and placing them on the bed.

Ideally, her and Matt would've done this before putting all her things away. But they were both so excited to get her moved back in, they ended up just putting her clothes up as quickly as possible, which undoubtedly left a mess behind. So now she'd decided to fix the disaster that had become the closet.

She started with her things, getting them all stacked on the end of the bed. Glancing towards Matt's small quarter of the closet, she realized his things didn't need to be rifled through as much. He didn't have much excess where clothes were concerned, and aside from her wanting to organize his things better, there wasn't much that needed to be gone through. Although there were a few Hawaiian shirts she definitely wouldn't mind getting rid of, she wouldn't do it without asking him. And, though she'd never admit it to him, part of her loved when he wore his ridiculously printed shirts. It brought out the quirky side to him that so rarely came out, but it was a part of him she loved so much.

After spending about half an hour or so organizing his things, and moving her dress blues that had been packed up to hang next to his, she was ready to get to the real undertaking, which were her clothes. She walked back into the bedroom, humming along to the music filling her ears as she climbed onto the bed, crossing her legs as she started to rummage through her clothing.

She didn't even realize how much time had passed by the time she finished getting everything separated, glancing to the clock and seeing almost three hours had gone by since she started work on the closet. She had made piles of things to keep and things she wanted to donate, as well as a few items that had served their purpose and were best to just be thrown away. After that feat, she'd gotten the donated items folded and packed into a couple boxes, stacking them against the wall. Her next task was to go through the items that needed to be re-hung, and get them all back on hangers, but she decided to take a little break before starting that.

Glancing around, ignoring the mess the bed had become, she looked for her phone, realizing she didn't remember where she put it last. Wandering out into the kitchen, she eventually found it, sitting on the coffee table in the living room. Collapsing down onto the couch, she picked it up, a smile falling to her face as she saw she had a text from Matt, from over two hours ago.

'Hi. Just thinking about you. I love you.'

She went to unlock her phone to send him a response, but wasn't able to as it started buzzing in her hand, a call from Severide showing up. Her stomach dropped seeing Kelly's contact appear. They were on shift, and there was only one reason he'd be calling her and not Matt, the thought springing tears to her eyes as she wearily answered.

"Kelly?"

"Hey, Dawson…" He didn't sound too distraught, which Gabby found slight comfort in. She knew something was wrong, that something had most likely happened to Matt, but the tone in his voice gave her hope it wasn't anything too terrible.

"What's wrong, Severide? Is Matt okay?" The emotion was thick in her voice, not able to mask her worry.

"We're at med… I don't know what happened, I wasn't with him." Kelly spoke, his voice shaky, Gabby feeling the tears that had filled her eyes begin to stroll down her cheeks. "But he was unconscious when I found him, Dr. Rhodes is working on him. I don't know anything other than that."

"I- I don't-" She was stuttering as she tried to form a coherent thought, hearing Kelly breathe deeply on the other end. "I need to call a cab, or something- I don't…" She pushed herself up from the couch, aimlessly stumbling around the apartment.

"Gabby… Gabby, hey- take a breath, alright? Everything's gonna be fine. I called Antonio already, he's coming to get you and he's gonna bring you here, okay?"

Taking a deep breath, Gabby tried to calm herself. "Okay, okay." She breathed out unsteadily. "Thank you, Kelly."

"Of course. I'll call you if anything changes before you get here, okay? I'll see you soon."

The two said their goodbyes, Gabby closing her eyes tightly as the weight of what was happening hit her full force.

He was unconscious, but no one knew why. He hasn't regained consciousness, as far as anyone knew. Did he get hit in the head? Was it something from the explosion? She was trying to focus in on any possible explanation, filing through the years of medical knowledge stored in her mind. But she was coming up blank, her fear overtaking her brain, Gabby unable to think rationally about the situation. All she could focus on was how her worst fears were coming true.

She didn't think he was ready to be back at work. She was convinced something was wrong with him, and it certainly seemed like she was right. Whether he knew or not, that didn't matter right now. She just needed to see him.

She had no idea how much longer it would be until Antonio got here, but she couldn't sit still waiting. She hurried into the bedroom, quickly pulling on a pair of jeans, not bothering to change from Matt's old candidate shirt as she covered her bare arms with a jacket. After sliding on her shoes, she fumbled her way back into the main part of the apartment, shoving her phone into her jacket pocket, grabbing her keys to the apartment.

Knocking on the back door broke her from her thoughts, turning her head to see Antonio standing there on the other side of the glass door, a look of concern covering his face. She hurried to the door, opening it and stepping outside next to him, barely remembering to lock up before they wordlessly rushed to his car.

Most of the ride to the hospital was done in silence, Antonio glancing over to her every few minutes. Her gaze was plastered outside the passenger window, her hands clasped together tightly in her lap, while her leg shook nervously up and down. He knew how worried she'd been about him going back to shift, and now those worries were coming to light and he couldn't imagine what she was feeling right now. All he could do was be there for her.

"He's gonna be okay, sis. Everything will be fine."

Glancing to her brother, Gabby bit her bottom lip tightly, trying to hold in the tears that were desperate to fall. She gave him a slow, unconvincing nod, not trusting her voice to respond to him as she turned back to face the window, needing the rest of the ride to go by as quickly as possible.

I had to go back and watch last year's finale because I couldn't remember exactly what was said between Brett and Gabby during their fight and boy, was that painful. I do not recommend re-living that episode, it is not fun. In fact, if not for my story being based mostly around what happened in that episode, I would happily never think of it again.

I know some of you kept talking about how you thought something wasn't right with Matt, well you were correct. I knew some people would pick up on the clues to that, but you're gonna have to wait and see what's going on.

I hope you all enjoyed this one, please leave me a review if you can!