So, uh, fair warning, I'd recommended settling in before reading because this chapter kind of got away from me. I started writing and next thing I knew, it was suddenly at 10k words, so… Hope you all like long chapters. Enjoy!
Chapter Eighteen
"So you're back tomorrow, huh?" Kelly asked as Gabby brought the bowl of bread to the table, sitting down in the chair bedside Matt. Severide had come over earlier in the day to check on his friends, and somehow his visit that was supposed to be half an hour ended up with him staying all afternoon, Gabby inviting him to stay for dinner.
Releasing a soft chuckle, Matt nodded and sipped his drink. "Yeah, finally."
"You only missed two weeks, don't act like it's been months." Gabby shot, Kelly smirking at her words.
"It seems like longer." He refuted, moving his arm to rest along the back of her chair, twirling her hair in between his fingers. "But no, I needed the time off. We both did." He said, smiling softly as he caught Gabby's line of sight, the woman smiling widely under his gaze.
Kelly watched the two intently, a genuine grin falling onto his face. He'd spent a lot of time with the couple over the past few weeks, and in that time he'd found out that Matt's need for time off was more than just his concussion. It wasn't hard to see how much Gabby was struggling with everything, but he also saw how much progress she was making. Though he doesn't know the extent of everything, he could see how much lighter Gabby had become. Her nervousness, at least around him, was diminishing. With each passing day she was resembling her old self more and more, and he was happy to be there to see it.
"What all did Dr. Rhodes say yesterday?" Kelly questioned.
"Just that he finally feels comfortable sending me back to work. I'm restricted to light duty, though." Kelly's eyebrows furrowed at the new information, glancing back and forth quickly between the people across from him.
"Are you okay?" He asked apprehensively, Matt nodding immediately.
"I am, I'm completely good to go." He responded, rubbing his thumb softly over Gabby's shoulder. "Dr. Rhodes wants me to start easy, just in case. It's only for a shift or two, to make sure there's still no lasting effects. After the problems with my recovery, and my history with head injuries, he wants to play it safe."
Gabby shifted in her seat, feeling a familiar sense of worry settling in her gut. She did think he was ready to go back to work, she truly believed he was fine, but seeing the ups and downs of his recovery had left a permanent feeling of concern for him in her system these past couple of weeks. His recovery started well enough, Matt seemingly rid of all his symptoms in the first 24 hours. But they came crashing back to reality the second night, when his symptoms hit him with a vengeance. He'd spiked a fever, was constantly vomiting, and could barely get out of bed. She'd gotten so scared by the severity of his sickness, she ended up calling Dr. Rhodes, which resulted in a trip to the emergency room. As it turned out, he'd picked up a bug during his first visit, and his weakened body made his symptoms all the worse. They admitted him as a precaution, even though they'd managed to get his fever down in the emergency room with a dose of some pretty strong medications. The 36 hours they spent in the hospital forced Gabby's anxiety to skyrocket, and had caused some of the most stressful hours of her life. But when it was all said and done, Matt was released to go home and everything after that in his recovery had been pretty normal.
He had good days and bad days through the rest of his recovery, but he'd gotten progressively better as the days passed. And as he continued to feel better, Gabby did as well. She'd always worry about him, it didn't matter if he was completely healthy or not, she'd never not have some fear while he was at work. But her worry about his health was slowly reducing, and she felt comfortable with him going back.
"Herrmann's gonna get a big head if you keep letting him be Lieutenant on truck." Kelly laughed, causing Matt to as well, the sound of their laughter pulling Gabby from her thoughts.
"He's gonna have a little too much fun bossing me around, I already know that." Matt chuckled, glancing towards Gabby as he spoke. He'd noticed her go quiet, sitting there eating her dinner. The topic of the firehouse had still been a sore subject around the apartment, even more so than it was before the accident. Matt's injury had caused everything else to take a backseat, but that didn't mean the topic hadn't come up a few times. And each time, the conversation hadn't lasted very long. As far as Matt knew, Gabby still didn't have an answer for what she was wanting to do, and she'd quickly change the subject whenever he mentioned it. He was trying not to push her, but he wanted to know where her head was at.
"Yeah, he definitely will. But everyone will be happy to have you back, hopefully for longer than a shift this time." Kelly replied, Matt moving his glance from Gabby back to his friend, giving him a nod. "They keep asking about you, asking about both of you." Kelly spoke, almost cautiously. Matt saw his gaze flicker to Gabby, Matt's eyes following his as well, both men seeing Gabby staring towards Kelly with a near blank expression.
"They're worried about you two." Kelly continued when neither Matt nor Gabby had said anything. "Did you, uh, ever hear from Herrmann, Gabby?" He asked, the woman furrowing her eyebrows.
"No… was I supposed to?" The confusion was evident in her voice, Matt eyeing Kelly carefully, wondering where he was heading with this.
Kelly shrugged lightly, meeting Matt's narrowed gaze before speaking. "He's asked about you a lot, he's worried. He talked about calling you, I just didn't know if he had."
An uncomfortable feeling settled in the air around them, Gabby's eyes plastered to her plate. Matt released a deep breath, glaring at Kelly before focusing all his attention on Gabby. He ran his hand lightly over her shoulder, getting her to look up at him. She flashed him a small smile, one that was obviously forced, before clearing her throat and looking towards Kelly.
"I haven't heard from anyone, but you can let them know that we're good." Gabby spoke softly, dropping her fork down against her plate. Pushing her chair back, she stood up, the motion causing Matt's hand to fall from her back. "I'll be right back." She murmured, walking towards the bedroom and closing the door behind her.
Blowing out a frustrated sigh, Matt looked from the closed door back to Kelly, seeing a guilty look covering his face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset her." Matt waved him off, rubbing his hand over his jaw. "The night of your accident Herrmann talked to me about her, said he wanted to talk to her. And he's brought her up a lot since, I figured he might've reached out by now."
"Apparently he hasn't." Matt spoke, standing up from his chair. "I'm gonna go check on her."
"I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. This isn't just because of tonight," Matt started with a sigh, "the topic of 51 hasn't exactly gone well around here the last couple weeks. I'll be right back." Matt spoke, walking into the bedroom and closing the door behind him. Seeing the room empty, he started moving towards the bathroom, finding Gabby leaning against the counter, her head hanging down with her eyes closed.
"Babe?" He called softly, Gabby lifting her head at his voice, clearly not having heard him come in. "You okay?" Matt stepped into the bathroom, wrapping his arm around her back as he came to stand beside her. Sighing softly, she nodded, feeling his hand move softly over her hip.
"I'm fine." She murmured, seeing his face contort with concern. "I just needed a minute, but I'm good. Promise." Gabby assured him with a small smile.
His eyes ran over her features, looking for any sign of deception but he found none. "Okay." He complied, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to the side of her head, his lips lingering against her hair as he felt her relax into his grip.
"We can talk more about it later, but I'm okay." She spoke, Matt placing another kiss to her head before pulling back.
"Alright. I'm gonna head back out there. Take as much time as you need."
Matt let go of her, rubbing her back lightly before taking a few steps backwards, Gabby giving him a small smile as she watched him go, waiting until she heard the door open and shut before returning to her previous position, leaned over the counter.
Closing the door behind him, Matt found Kelly where he'd left him at the table, shoving a piece of bread into his mouth when his gaze moved to Casey.
"Is she okay?" The words were muffled from the food, but Matt understood enough to answer his question.
"She's fine, just got overwhelmed. It happens." Matt spoke, Kelly nodding in understanding. He felt awful for upsetting her, but he knew better than to mention it again when she came back out. And when she emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, she looked fine. He gave her a small smile as she sat back down, watching as Matt reached for her hand while he skillfully changed the subject.
The rest of their night had gone well, the friends enjoying their dinner together. Both Kelly and Matt were careful to avoid conversations that involved work, at least work from after Gabby left. A few stories of Shay had come up, the memories evoking bittersweet laughs from the three of them as they spoke of their fallen friend.
It was a little after ten by the time Kelly left, Matt walking through the apartment after letting him out to find Gabby in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. He came to stand by her side, wordlessly helping her with the task, the two of them completing it in a matter of minutes.
"So…" Matt drug the word out as she started the dishwasher, Gabby turning to find him leaning against the island, only a few inches of space between them. "Let's talk." He prompted, holding out his hand for her to take, which she did without a thought, Matt leading them towards the living room.
The couple sat down on the couch, Gabby facing Matt with her legs curled under her, his arm resting on the back of the couch as her knees were laying against his thigh.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, placing his free hand on top of her leg.
"I'm alright. All that talk of people at 51 just had me feeling a little overwhelmed, that's all." She replied softly. He nodded slowly, moving his fingers softly over her knee.
"Can we talk about that?" He asked quietly, knowing all talks of the firehouse had ended quickly in the past. When she gave him a nod of acceptance, he continued. "I know you're nervous to be around them, and I understand it. I do. You have every right to feel like that." He prefaced honestly, Gabby watching him closely. "But I feel like something else is going on."
Blowing out a sigh, Gabby gave herself a second to gather her thoughts before responding. "I was hoping that seeing them again would get rid of this doubt I have about being around them, about going back there." She started, keeping her eyes locked on Matt as she spoke. "But it didn't. If anything, it made it worse."
"Why?"
"Aside from Herrmann and Kelly, no one spoke to me if they didn't have to. It didn't feel like any of them wanted to talk to me. I can't fault them for not knowing how to act around me, but I can't go back to work there when it's like that. I felt so uncomfortable around them, they felt uncomfortable around me. Foster kept staring at me, Brett had to force herself to talk to me. No one else said anything if it wasn't about you." She rambled out, taking a breath before continuing. "And I know that day wasn't about me, I understand that. But the way they act around me won't change in a different setting." A frown had formed on his face while she spoke, hearing how upset she sounded. "I don't want to force myself into a situation where I'm not wanted, that'll only make things worse. I don't want to go work there again when they don't want me to."
"Gabby-"
"It's fine, Matt. Really, it is. I figured this would happen, but seeing them all just assured me of what I already thought. Me going back to 51 wouldn't do anything but make things harder for everyone."
"Maybe spending more time together would help things. It was the first time they saw you, they were caught off guard." Gabby gave him a sad smile once he finished speaking. She appreciated the thought, she did, but her mind was made up.
"But I can't count on that, Matt. And there's not even a job for me there anymore. What am I supposed to do, ask Boden to transfer Foster? I can't do that. It's her job now. And even if I tried, doing that would only make them dislike me more." He opened his mouth to interject, but he didn't have a chance to before she started speaking again. "And I don't want to work on a different shift, because then we'd barely see each other. I don't want us to only see each other a couple days a week." She responded, Matt nodding in understanding.
"I would love to be able to go back to 51 like nothing has changed, like everything is fine. But I can't. Too much has happened. And as nice as it is that they're concerned, they haven't forgiven me." His sad eyes met hers, Gabby placing her hand on top of his. "I saw them two weeks ago, and none of them have tried to talk to me since. I mean, I know I haven't called either, but they're afraid to talk to me. They're clearly apprehensive because of me. You heard Kelly, Herrmann can't even work up the nerve to call me."
"Let me talk to them again." He tried, Gabby releasing a soft sigh. "I could've explained things better."
"Matt," she started, effectively ending his rambling. "I love you for trying, I really do. But it would be better for everyone if I move on. I don't want to cause anymore trouble for them."
"Gabby, you never caused trouble. You did what you thought was best at the time, you weren't trying to hurt them." He spoke immediately, a small smile finding its way to her face at his words.
"Thank you." She murmured, bringing her hand up to caress the side of his face. "But I did hurt them. Even though it wasn't my intention, they're not happy with me. So I think it's better to put that part of my life in the past. As long as it's okay with you…" His expression softened, turning his head to the side to kiss her palm.
"You don't need my permission, Gabby. If this is really what you want, of course I'll support you. I just want what's best for you." He spoke firmly, Gabby nodding.
"I don't know if this is the right decision. Maybe they'll see it as me running away again, I'm not sure. But right now, I think this is what's best for me."
"Then that's all that matters." He assured her, squeezing her leg gently. "I'm gonna miss working with you, though." A smirk fell onto his lips as he spoke, Gabby smiling as well.
"I know. Luckily you've already adjusted to that." She responded, tapping his cheek softly. Rolling his eyes, Matt shifted so he was facing her more.
"So, do you know what you wanna do, instead of working at 51?" Her eyes flickered away from him, telling Matt she had some sort of idea for her next endeavor. "Spit it out." He teased, pinching the side of her knee, chuckling when she squirmed under his touch, a light smile finding its way to her face.
"Stop it, Matt." She shoved his hand away, the smile staying on her face as he rested his arm over the top of her thighs. "But before I left, I got approached by this private ambo service, they tried to get me to come work for them. I've been thinking about seeing what they have to offer." She watched as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Gabby clasping her hand in his.
"Wait- when did this happen?"
"Maybe a month before I left? I'm not sure, but they came to me and Brett, wanted us to come work for them. At the time, I could've never imagined not working for the CFD. But now, I don't know, the slow pace might be good for me."
Matt nodded, taking a deep breath as he digested everything she'd just said. "Did I ever hear about this?" He tried to remember if she'd ever mentioned it, but he was coming up blank. They were dealing with so much at the time, he couldn't remember if she'd told him or not.
"No, I never said anything." He nodded, Gabby running her fingers over his palm. "I never seriously took it into consideration. I thought about it, for a split second, but if it was anything I was seriously considering, I would've told you." Matt nodded in understanding, encouraging her to continue. "The old me would've never really wanted a job that calm. But now, after everything… I might do better working there than in the CFD."
"I don't know much about those companies, but I want you to feel comfortable where you're working." He told her, releasing his hand from hers and bringing it up to cradle the side of her face. "You're sure this is what you want?"
"I think so."
Giving her a supportive smile, he nodded at her, pulling her securely into his embrace. "I can't wait to hear more about it." He spoke, placing a kiss to the top of her head as they cuddled together on the couch, a comfortable silence filling the air around them.
Matt quietly stepped out of the bathroom, clad in his blue pants and a long sleeve Captain's shirt. A soft smile fell onto his lips as he saw Gabby curled up in the bed, wrapped tightly in the covers to shield herself from the chill in the air. As he walked over to her, he noticed she'd subconsciously rolled to his side of the bed after he left, her head resting on his pillow. Gently sitting down on the edge of the mattress, he brought his hand up to the side of her face, brushing the hair from her eyes. Her face twitched slightly under his touch, Matt running his hand over her cheek as he slowly brought her into consciousness.
"Gabby." He spoke softly, watching her slowly open her eyes, taking a minute to adjust to her surroundings. "Good morning, beautiful." Matt leaned down, placing a soft kiss to her lips, Gabby barely responding to the gesture in her half-conscious state.
"What time is it?"
"A little before seven. I'm about to leave." Gabby nodded, her eyes falling closed again, blindly reaching out for his leg, Matt smirking as he had to redirect her efforts, grabbing her hand and holding it within his. "I didn't want to wake you, but you were adamant about me not leaving before a goodbye."
"It's your first shift back, couldn't let you go without saying bye." She mumbled, Matt chuckling as she forced herself to stay awake.
"Are you still planning on going to talk with the people at the ambo company today?" He asked her, knowing she briefly mentioned it last night before bed.
"The SAS, yeah. Just to see what the options are, and what all I'd need to do before being able to work there. I mean, it's been a month since I've been back? I need to start working again." She spoke, finally able to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time.
"Don't rush this, Gabby. If you don't feel like you're ready to start work, take some more time." He spoke quickly, Gabby rubbing her hand over his leg.
"I'm not going back to work today. I'm just seeing what they have to say. I won't rush into this, I promise." She assured him, Matt watching her for a moment before nodding, leaning down to kiss her once again, smiling when she was able to reciprocate the gesture this time.
"And you're sure you're fine with me going back?" He asked again. Between their many talks about what she was feeling and spending all their time together, he knew she was feeling more and more comfortable, that her anxiety was getting better. Once he'd gotten out of the hospital the second time, he'd made a point to focus on her and how she was doing. He knew he'd scared her, and made everything she was feeling escalate, so as soon as he'd been able, he did whatever he could to take care of her. And she'd come a long way, not just with feeling better, but coming to him when she didn't. But she still had moments when she got overwhelmed and panicked. He was proud of how far she'd come, and how much better she'd gotten at working through those moments of anxiety, but that didn't mean he wouldn't call Boden right now and tell him he couldn't come in if that's what she needed.
"I'm fine, Matt. I know I've had a harder time with all this than I thought I would, but I know I'm getting better." She told him, Matt giving her a smile.
"I know you are, too."
"I'm not sure if my anxiety can ever completely go away, but I feel like I'm managing it better. And now that I know you're completely healthy, that makes things easier too. So yes, go to work. If I need you, I'll call you." She promised, as she had many times over the last two weeks. Every time they'd talked about how she was doing, Matt made a point to mention how she could always talk to him if she needed, a gesture she always responded to with an assurance that she would.
"Good." He replied, sneaking one last kiss before pushing himself up off the bed. "But also call me after you finish up today, I want to hear all about this new job." He spoke proudly, Gabby feeling a warmth spread through her body at his support.
"I will." She assured him, Matt stopping in the doorway to the bedroom as he got ready to leave. "Be safe today, try not to get into too much trouble." She teased, hoping it would mask the small ounce of worry in her voice.
"I will." He repeated her words, flashing her the grin she fell in love with long ago. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Gabby fidgeted nervously in the lobby of the small office building, her hands clasped together in her lap as she waited for her meeting. If the feel of this office was any indication, working for a private company would be a complete shift from what she was used to. Compared to the hustle and bustle of CFD headquarters, the single older woman sitting at a desk by the door was a total 180 from her past ambulance experience. The atmosphere here was calm, and she found it oddly comforting.
"Miss Dawson?" A man who seemed to be around Boden's age stepped out from his office, Gabby standing up with a small smile, making her way over to him. "I'm Chief Jim Peters." He extended his hand, Gabby reaching out to shake it before following him into his office. "Sorry for the wait, I just now got your file from the CFD and I wanted to look over it before we met."
"It's fine, I know this was all last minute." She responded, Peters moving behind his desk to sit down, Gabby taking a seat across from him. "I appreciate you letting me meet with you today."
He waved her off, opening the thick file on his desk that she could only assume to be hers. "No, no I'm happy to meet with someone as experienced as you. You were a paramedic in the CFD for nine years?"
"Yeah." She responded with a soft smile. "I worked at Firehouse 51. I loved it there, but seven months ago I decided to go help with relief efforts in Puerto Rico. But I'm back now, and looking for something new." He nodded at her words, glancing down to her file.
"I'm sure you know this, but I want to make sure we're all on the same page here. I came from the CFD myself, I know the pace of everything in that sector. This here, it won't be like that." He spoke forwardly, Gabby nodding. "It's a different environment here. Most of our calls are non-emergent, patient transport type situations. I'm sure you're aware of that, but I don't want there to be any confusion."
"Yeah, I know this isn't like the CFD. But I'm actually looking for a job that's not as intensive. It'll be an adjustment, but I think this is the right move for me right now." She explained, seeing a nod come from him as he pushed his glasses up his nose.
"So, I had the chance to look over your file before you came in, and you have more than enough experience. We'd be lucky to have you here, if you're sure you're interested in the job."
"I am interested, definitely interested." She responded immediately, pushing down the small sliver of doubt creeping in her gut.
"Fantastic." He spoke, pulling out paperwork from his desk. "This stuff is mostly just formalities, but I'll need you to fill this out and bring it back as soon as you can. We can't get you started until I have this." He informed, Gabby nodding as she took the paperwork from him. "I do want to start out your first shift or two shadowing two of our other EMT's, just so you can get your feet under you."
"Sounds good."
"Aside from that paperwork, all I'll need from you is a letter of recommendation from your last boss. Chief Boden, I think?" He spoke, eyeing the file in front of him. Gabby slowly nodded, her eyes darting down to her lap. "Once I get that from him, and get your paperwork filed, we can get you on the schedule."
"Great." She spoke with a soft smile, Peters closing her file and clasping his hands together on top of his desk.
"I think you're gonna be a great asset here, Gabby. We're very excited to have you."
Closing the door of her cab, Gabby took a stabilizing breath as she stared at the firehouse in front of her. She hadn't planned on coming back here so soon, if ever. And standing here in front of the building that used to be like her second home, she felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. With her belongings clasped tightly within her grasp, she cautiously walked up the long driveway. As she got towards the garage, she thought about bailing and just going home. She knew she needed to talk to Boden, but she couldn't shake the uneasiness settling in her stomach.
Knowing she had no other choice, she continued her path, her nerves lessening slightly when she saw that both ambo and squad were out. That made stomach settle a little, knowing Matt was here and it wasn't the entirety of second shift she'd see when she walked in.
Making her way through the garage, her steps slowed as she got to the double doors, looking in through the glass and seeing all of truck sitting in the common room. A soft smile fell across her face as she saw Matt leaning against the counter, laughing at something being said in the room, his arms crossed lightly over his chest. Seeing him that happy and carefree lifted some of the worry she felt filling her system, and gave her the courage to pull open the door.
Stepping inside, she held the door until it fell back in place, her eyes darting nervously around the room. She kept herself in the doorway, her gaze landing on Casey as she waited for him to notice her presence. Thankfully it only took seconds for him to see her, his grin widening as he locked eyes with her, Matt pushing himself from the counter.
"Hey, I didn't know you were coming by." His voice was light and happy, all eyes moving to her after Matt spoke. She felt the stares of truck on her as Matt walked through the room, Gabby taking a few steps away from the door and meeting him in the hallway. "How'd it go?" He asked her, giving her a quick peck on the lips, the action releasing some of the tension from her body.
"It was good, it went well I think." She spoke, her bottom lip falling between her teeth, Matt giving her a reassuring nod.
"I can't wait to hear all about it."
"I'll fill you in on everything, I just need to talk to Boden first. Is he here?"
"Uh, yeah he's in his office. Everything okay?" Matt asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She simply nodded, ignoring the stares she felt from everyone as she focused her attention on Matt.
"Everything's good, I just need to talk to him for a sec." She assured him, Matt's eyes scanning her face before nodding. "Once I'm done, if you have time, I'll tell you about everything?"
"Of course, just come and find me." He replied, leaning down and giving her another quick kiss before they separated. As she walked past the common room, she gave them a soft smile, thankful that her gesture was returned by everyone else before she was out of sight.
Walking through the familiar hallways left her with a sense of nostalgia, the feeling hitting her like a wave as she made her way towards Boden's office. It was an odd feeling, being here when she wasn't apart of this family anymore. It was upsetting, knowing this part of her life was officially over, but all she could do was look ahead.
Before she even realized, she found herself outside his office, standing by the door and seeing Boden sitting at his desk diligently working through some paperwork. She hesitantly brought her fist up to knock on the glass, hearing an invitation to enter without him looking up from his work. Opening the door, she stepped in, clearing her throat when he hadn't yet looked her way.
The shock was evident in his features when he looked up and saw her, clearly not expecting her to be standing in his firehouse.
"Hi Chief." She spoke softly.
"Dawson, come in." He replied, Gabby taking another step in, closing the door behind her. "It's a surprise to see you here." Nodding uncomfortably, she walked towards his desk and took a seat.
"Yeah, I wasn't planning on stopping by today but I kind of have a favor to ask you." He didn't give her much of a reaction, aside from nodding, signaling her to continue. She opened up the folder holding all the paperwork she needed to fill out, pulling out the business card with the information he'd need. "I, uh, need a letter of recommendation from you for a job I'm taking." She held out the card for him, watching a look of confusion fall over his face. He took the card from her, studying it carefully before meeting her eyes again.
"The SAS? You're working for a private company?"
"Uh, yeah. But they need a letter from my former boss. I hate to bother you with this, I would've asked Hatcher but he's still in Puerto Rico." He waved her off, clearing his throat as he sat the business card down.
"No, it's fine. I'm happy to do it, I'm just a little caught off guard, that's all." She nodded, shrinking in her seat slightly. "Honestly I thought you were coming to ask me for your job back."
"Oh, well- There's not a job here for me anymore, and I think this is the right move for me right now." Gabby explained, Boden eyeing her carefully. Grasping his hands together, he leaned forward against his desk, waiting till he met her gaze before speaking.
"Gabby, if you wanted to come back we would find a way to make it work."
Blowing out a soft breath, she forced a small smile as she shook her head. "I appreciate it, Chief. I do. But I don't think that's a good idea. Matt and I have talked about it, I've thought about it a lot… I think it's best if I keep this part of my life in the past."
"If this is what you want, of course I'll write the letter for you."
"Thank you Chief, really. Um, I know this is last minute, but I can't start until they get all the paperwork-"
"I'll get it written and faxed over there as soon as possible." Smiling gratefully, she stood up from the seat.
"Thank you." She responded again, Boden giving her a nod as she headed for the door.
"Dawson?" He called, making her turn around as she was opening the door. "Don't be a stranger around here, okay? You're still apart of this family." Not knowing what to say, she simply nodded at him, plastering a smile to her face before walking out.
She felt a little relieved as she walked back through the firehouse, the conversation with Boden going better than she expected. But as she got closer to the common room, she could feel her nerves rising with each step. She didn't know where Matt was, or who all would be there when she walked in, and the last thing she wanted to do right now was talk to them without Casey there as a buffer.
Turning the last corner in the hallway, she came to a halt as she saw Brett and Foster walking towards her, the two of them laughing as they walked down the hall. Sylvie slowed her steps when she saw Gabby, the two locking eyes as they stood a few feet apart.
"Hi." Gabby spoke first, clutching the folder tighter within her grasp.
"Hey Gabby." Brett responded, her arms folding over her chest. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing good." The awkward tension was clear as neither woman knew what to say to the other, Foster's eyes darting back and forth between the two. Clearing her throat uncomfortably, Gabby turned her attention to the new paramedic. "Uh, we haven't officially met. I'm Gabby." She extended her hand towards Foster, the woman accepting graciously.
"Emily Foster, it's nice to meet you. I've heard you're one hell of a paramedic." The woman spoke, trying to lighten the air around them. A small smile fell to Gabby's face, her eyes darting to Brett who was staring towards the ground.
"Well I don't know about that, but thank you." Gabby replied, her eyes moving to look into the windows of the common room, seeing everyone where they'd been before she went to Boden, everyone except the one person she wanted to see. "I'm, uh, gonna go find Matt. It was nice to meet you." She said, changing her path and walking past the two paramedics, knowing she'd feel better when she saw Matt.
Brett and Foster watched her walk away, seeing her walk past the common room without stopping. Sylvie noticed a quick exchange between her and Herrmann, but couldn't make out what they said.
"So, is she trying to come back?" Foster asked, Brett shrugging as she released a sigh.
"I honestly don't know."
Across the firehouse, Gabby walked into the bunkroom, smiling when she saw Matt sitting at his desk in his office, her eyes trained on him as she walked towards the room. She stopped in the open doorway, taking a look around the office she knew so well, Matt not yet realizing she was standing there. Her eyes bounced throughout the room, seeing it virtually the same as it had been all those months ago, her smile widening as she saw the photo of herself still perched prominently on his desk.
"Hey Captain." She broke the silence, Matt turning around instantly at the sound of her voice, a wide grin covering his face.
"That was fast." He commented, waving her in, Gabby following his gesture as she stepped inside the office, closing the door behind her. "So what did you need to talk to Boden about?"
"I needed a letter of recommendation, for the new job." She explained, coming to sit on his bed, Matt turning his chair to face her.
"Ahh." He spoke in response, cocking his head to the side with a grin. "How did all that go?"
"It went well." She replied after a moment of silence, gathering her thoughts.
"Are you sure?" He asked, picking up on her hesitation.
"Yeah, yeah. It's just different, not exactly what I'm used to." She brushed off his concerns, watching as he pushed himself up from his chair and walked over towards the bed, coming to sit by her side. "I still think it's the best choice for me right now."
"And you're positive this is what you want?" He checked one last time, needing to know she wasn't making this choice for the wrong reasons. "Because if it really is only because of them," He started, nodding out towards the empty bunkroom, "I don't want you changing your whole career because of that. And even if they don't get over it, I can order them too. I don't know if you've heard but I kind of have seniority around here." He spoke, trying to lighten the mood, his attempt working when a chuckle escaped through her lips, her head turning to face his.
"No, it's not just because of them." She promised, placing her hand on his thigh and squeezing gently. "I really think it's what I need to do for me. I don't know if I could handle a job in the CFD right now."
With a slight frown, he wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her into his side, kissing the top of her head as she moved her hand slowly up and down his leg. Her even admitting she couldn't handle something was a huge step in the right direction, but it didn't stop him from worrying about her.
"Tell me about the job." He murmured against the top of her head, bring his other hand over to rest on top of hers. Matt couldn't see her face, but he could feel her smile.
"I met with Chief Jim Peters, he seems like a great boss. He used to be apart of the CFD, too. So he knows the adjustment first hand." She began, Matt listening intently as she spoke. "He told me about the specifics of the job, it's mostly patient transport it sounds like but sometimes there's harder cases. The hours will take a bit of adjusting. It's not twenty four hour shifts, it's twelve hour ones, and I work four to five days a week. So we'll have to get used to that." She spoke softly, Matt squeezing her hand.
"It's not exactly what we're used to, but we'll figure it out." He reassured her, Gabby nodding against his shoulder.
"Yeah, I know. I don't like us not getting as much time together, especially after being apart for so long, but there's not really any way around it."
"Hey, it'll be fine." He promised, "And I think we've done a pretty decent job of making up for lost time." He teased, Gabby feeling the vibrations in his chest as he chuckled, a heat rising to her cheeks as she thought over his words. "But in all seriousness, we'll figure it out. This is what you want, we'll work it out. It's still better than you working in the CFD on a completely different shift. Everything will work out just fine."
His words lessened her worries, Gabby smiling softly at how self-assured he sounded, knowing he wholeheartedly believed what he was saying.
"I know it will." Her eyes fell closed momentarily as she felt him press another kiss to the top of her head, a feeling of contentment rushing through her. "Chief Peters said as soon as I get all the paperwork sent in, I can start work."
"Wow… that's fast." Matt mused, the hand he had on her back moving down to rest on her hip, rubbing softly over the material of her jacket.
"Yeah." She hummed in response, "I wasn't expecting everything to happen this soon, but I think it'll be good for me to get back to work." Matt nodded, Gabby feeling his movement against her head. A comfortable silence washed over them, Gabby basking in the quiet moment for a few seconds before lifting her head up and pulling away from him slightly. Her eyes narrowed as they ran over his features, Matt's face contorting into confusion as he watched her.
"What?"
"You're still feeling okay?" She questioned, his face softening.
"I'm good, Gabby. I promise." She locked eyes with him, trying to read his expression to make sure he was telling the truth. When she was sure he wasn't masking anything, her gaze softened, giving him a small grin.
"Good." She followed her sentence with a quick peck on his lips, Matt smiling into the kiss just as she pulled away. "You better stay that way." She warned before standing up from the bed, bending over to grab her purse and paperwork she sat beside her.
"You leaving already?" He questioned, standing up as well.
"Yeah, I need to get started on this application." She told him, Gabby walking towards the door and pushing it open. Her path was halted in the doorway when Matt grabbed her by the waist, effectively turning her around as they stood together just inside his office, his arms wrapping around her hips.
"Need something, Captain?" She spoke teasingly, resting her free hand against his chest. The smirk on his face sent shivers down her spine as he ran one hand over her side.
"Nope." He replied, popping the word. "I've got everything I need right here." She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the cheesiness, but she also couldn't stop her heart from swelling with love, or the heat that filled her cheeks as warmth spread through her body. She saw his smirk widen as he noticed the reaction his words elicited, a proud look shining in his eyes. Before he had the chance for some smug remark, she closed the distance between them, planting her lips on his in a heated kiss. He gripped her waist tighter, pulling her into his body as her hand gripped the material of his shirt.
"Knock it off, you two." Severide's voice filtered into the bunk room, the two pulling apart in time to see him heading towards his office, a grin covering his face as he shut his door behind him, disappearing from view.
Blowing out a sigh, Matt loosened his grip on her slightly, allowing her a little bit of space as they caught their breath. "He has terrible timing." He muttered, rubbing his thumb lightly over her lower back.
"I really should go now." She breathed out, Matt giving her a nod as he placed a soft, gentle kiss to her lips.
"We'll continue this later." He spoke against her, feeling her smile widen before they separated.
"Something to look forward to." Gabby responded, before disentangling herself from him completely and pulling out her phone.
"What are you doing?" He asked after a moment of her fiddling around with the device in her hands.
"I need to call a cab."
"Ahh. Well, how about you just take the truck home. I'll make Severide give me a ride." Gabby dropped her phone to her side, looking at him skeptically.
"You sure? It has been awhile since I've driven anywhere."
"I'm positive." He said, slipping out past her into the bunkroom, signaling her to follow him as they headed toward the locker room. "But I guess that's something else we need to think about." He pondered, leading her towards his locker as they walked in.
"What?"
"We're gonna need to get you a car. Especially with you going back to work." He expertly undid the lock, opening up the door and pulling his truck keys off the top shelf.
"Oh, yeah. I hadn't even really thought about that." She graciously took the car keys from him, waiting for him to secure his locker before they headed for the exit. "But, uh-" Clear apprehension settled over her as they stopped in the deserted hallway just outside the locker room. "Can we afford to get one right now? I know you sold my old car, but I don't really know if we have the money for it or not..." He could see the embarrassment in her demeanor, something he wished wasn't there. He figured her reaction came from this being another reminder of everything that had gone on between them and how disconnected they'd been from one another, that something as basic as their finances was now something she knew nothing about. "Maybe we should just wait until I've been working for awhile and we have more saved up, I don't want to-"
He silenced her rambling with a soft kiss, feeling the tension leave her body as their lips connected. "We can get you a car, Gabby." He told her as he pulled back, only inches away from her face. "Sometime in the next few days, we'll go car shopping."
"Are you sure? Cause I really don't mind waiting if we need to."
"We can do it." He assured her, seeing her hesitantly nod before a smile fell to her face. "Before my next shift, we'll go look and see if we can find something you like." Leaning forward, Matt placed a soft kiss to her forehead.
"Sounds like a plan." She replied, the two of them walking down the hallway towards the double doors. When they got to the exit, Matt glanced down the long hallway back towards the common room, able to hear the chatter of the firehouse.
"You want to say goodbye to everyone?" He asked, seeing her eyes flash down the hallway as well before meeting his gaze once more.
"No, that's okay. I should get home."
A small frown set in on his face, Matt holding back a sigh. "Gabby, you don't have to avoid them. They want to see you."
"It's not that, I just-" She cut herself off, taking a deep breath before continuing, "they're gonna ask me if I'm coming back and I'd rather not get into the whole conversation right now."
"You're not gonna tell them?" His voice was laced in confusion, trying to understand where her head was at.
"I don't care if they know, I figured they'd find out, or that you might've already told them. But I...I just-" She started fumbling over her words, his expression softening as he saw her begin to work herself up.
"You don't want to be the one to tell them." He finished for her, Gabby nodding immediately, taking another deep breath to try and relax herself.
"Yeah." She responded softly.
"I can tell them for you. You don't need to worry about it, alright?" Matt kept his voice light, hoping to soothe her worries. "I'll let them know today. They should find out from us, I don't want them hearing it from Boden, or seeing you out on a call."
"Yeah, I don't want them to find out like that either." She agreed, glancing back towards the common room one last time before giving him a small smile. "But I really need to go now. I'll see you tomorrow morning?"
Gabby had started moving through the double doors, Matt going through with her, standing in the doorway holding the door open. "I'll see you then." He replied, pulling her in for one more kiss before she started walking away.
"Stay safe out there, Captain." She spoke with a smile, taking a few steps backwards, giving him a salute before turning around and leaving the garage. He kept his eyes on her retreating form until she was out of sight, the smile never leaving his lips as he walked back into the firehouse.
"You know I don't miss 'angry at the world' Casey," Severide started as Matt saw him walking towards him, Casey rolling his eyes. "But it's kind of annoying seeing you so damn happy all the time." Kelly teased, coming to stand in front of his friend, Matt raising his eyebrows as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Need something, Sev?"
"No, nothing at all. But I heard the school girls gossiping when I got back, Gabby was here to talk to Boden?" Kelly questioned, Matt nodding as he shifted his weight back and forth. "She coming back?"
"No she's not. She was here to get a reference letter for her new job."
The shock was written across Kelly's face as the words sunk in. "Oh…"
"Yeah." Matt replied, "And speaking of those school girls, I need to go tell them." Kelly nodded, the men starting off down the hallway towards the common room, Matt walking in first. Herrmann saw him first, his eyes darting behind Matt as if he was waiting for someone else.
"Uh Dawson gone already, Captain?" Herrmann's voice broke up the chatter around the room, Matt nodding at his question.
"Yeah, she needed to get back home."
"Ah dang, I was hoping to talk to her." He replied, Matt simply shrugging, not sure what to do with that information. "So she was here talking to Boden, when is she coming back?"
"She's not."
You could hear a pin drop in the room as the words left his lips, Kelly being the only person in the room not in complete shock. Matt understood their reactions, he himself was surprised she didn't want to come back, but he also had known it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. He figured they at least had some idea she'd decide to not come back to work here, but based on the silence that had fallen over the room, they never considered it a real possibility.
"Wait- what?" Cruz was the first to break the quiet, Matt turning to face him. "She's really not coming back?"
"No, she's really not." He said simply, seeing members of 51 glancing around at one another. "She was here getting a letter of recommendation for her new job."
"New job?" Brett asked, and Matt swore he could hear a sliver of hurt in her voice. He found himself getting annoyed by that, but he ignored the feeling.
Standing here in front of them, he was now understanding why Gabby didn't want to be here when they found out.
"Yeah, she's gonna be working for a private ambo service. I guess it's the one that reached out to you all back in the spring." Matt replied to Brett, Sylvie nodding in understanding.
"A private ambo? That doesn't really seem like Dawson's speed." Otis remarked, Matt eyeing him, causing him to stand up straighter, Otis' eyes darting towards the ground.
"It's what she wants to do." He spoke firmly, clearing his throat before continuing. "But I just wanted to let you all know. I'm sure you'll still see her around, but she's moving on from 51." Matt stood there for a second, waiting to see if anyone had more to say. But when no one said anything, he took that as a sign they had no more questions.
He started to leave, but the palpable tension he was feeling in the room was bothering him. He couldn't tell if it was because they were angry or hurt, but he figured it might be a little of both, and he hated it because it meant Gabby had a reason to be worried about their reactions. He didn't want them to resent her because of this.
"She still loves you guys." He spoke up, seeing some of them look back at him. "She does. But she thinks it's best to move on to something else. I don't want you all mad at her because of this." He told them, walking out of the room without another word.
He heard shuffling behind him as he walked down the hallway, figuring Kelly was following him out. But he was surprised to hear Herrmann's voice call out to him, stopping Casey in his tracks as he turned around and saw the older firefighter jogging towards him.
"What Herrmann?"
"So this is real, she's really not coming back to 51, ever?"
"She's not planning on it, no." Matt replied, knowing that everyone in the common room could still hear them.
"But… why?" Herrmann asked, Matt having to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "I know you said she was having her doubts, but we're her family." Matt blew out a sigh as Herrmann spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. "I always figured she'd decide to come back."
"Maybe you should've called and told her that yourself, Herrmann." Matt snapped before he had the chance to stop himself, his annoyance outweighing his rational thought.
"Casey-"
"I'm sorry Herrmann, but not one of you reached out to her. You told her you wanted to talk to her, that you wanted to hear about what all she'd been doing, but then you never spoke to her. Kelly's the only person here who's made an effort with her since she's gotten back, you can't be shocked she doesn't feel welcome here anymore." He continued angrily. "I wish she wanted to come and work here again, believe me I would love for her to come back, but she feels like she can't. She feels like her coming back here would only cause more 'trouble'." He punctuated, Herrmann listening in shock.
"I had no idea, I wanted to call her but I…"
"I know you did, she knows you did. But you didn't." He spoke, the words coming out more bitter than he realized. "Gabby doesn't feel like she belongs here anymore. She doesn't blame you all, in fact she still only blames herself. But she wants to keep this part of her life in the past, and I support her decision."
The two men stood there, staring at one another for a few moments, Matt trying to calm himself down and Herrmann trying to gather his thoughts.
"I'm sorry Casey, I really am. We all just thought she'd reach out to us when she was ready. We never thought it would've turned into this."
Taking a deep breath, Matt continued. "I know you all did what you thought she wanted. And I don't blame you guys for this, it's no one's fault. I just need you to understand why she's making this decision."
Matt turned to walk away, needing to get away from this conversation before he said something he shouldn't. Deep down he knows he doesn't blame them, Gabby didn't reach out to them either. But he can't help but feel a bit of animosity towards everyone in the firehouse, knowing they're part of the reason she's choosing to not come back. He knows it's not fair, but he can't shake the unsettling feeling in his gut knowing these people played a part in why Gabby's feeling so lost.
"Casey." Herrmann's voice stopped him, Matt sighing but not turning around. He heard Christopher walk towards him as he kept speaking. "Are we the only reason she's not coming back?"
Running his hand over his face, Matt reluctantly turned around, his voice dropping before he responded. "It's not entirely you guys, no. It's just a part of it. She-" He cut himself off, afraid to say too much. But he saw the way Herrmann's head tilted to the side, the confusion written across his face. "She went through a lot over there, Herrmann. A lot that she's still dealing with. It's not just you all." He left it at that, leaving the older man more confused as Casey walked away, needing to distance himself from this conversation before he revealed something he shouldn't.
Matt finally snapped, it seems like. Firehouse aside, it looks like everything's going pretty well for Dawsey. Matt's back at work, Gabby's feeling better and starting a new job, everything's just absolutely great... Nothing could possibly go wrong now..
In other news, I'm kind of in shock at this story reaching 300+ reviews. Never in a million years did I think so many people would enjoy this story. As some of you know, I was very hesitant to ever post this. I've never shared any of my work, and it was nerve wracking. And I still get nervous over posting sometimes. But you all have made me so glad I started sharing my work. To everyone who reads my story, and especially everyone who takes the time to review, I cannot express how grateful I am for you. There's so many of you who take the time to review every chapter and it means so much to me.
If you're reading this right now, just know how thankful I am for you supporting this story.
I can't wait to hear what you all think! Thanks for reading!