Hello! Hope you guys enjoy this one!
Chapter Nineteen
"Whose brilliant idea was it to go car shopping in the middle of winter?" Matt spoke, rubbing his glove covered hands together as they stood outside the car dealership, him watching as Gabby inspected their tenth car of the morning. His eyes met hers as she stood up straight, cocking her beanie-clad head to the side with a raised eyebrow.
"Yours. It was yours." He saw her breath in the chilly air as the words escaped her mouth, a challenging look covering her face.
"Fair enough." He replied, Gabby grinning as she turned her attention back to the car, Matt huffing as a shiver coursed through his body. He started bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, doing his best to keep any more warmth from leaving his body.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, he glanced at the time, sighing as he realized they were approaching the end of their second hour out here, the salesman having gone inside long ago to get away from the cold. There were piles of snow surrounding them, a storm having rolled through the night before dumping blankets of white across the city. Unsurprisingly, they were the only two here at the dealership, no one else daring to brave the below freezing temperatures.
His eyes followed Gabby as she walked around the other side of the car, watching as her bottom lip went in between her teeth, a deeply concentrated look covering her face, her hands stuck inside the pockets of her jacket that was swallowing her. Well, his jacket. Matt's smile widened as he saw her body turn slightly, catching a glimpse of the yellow LIEUTENANT embroidered across the back. It used to be his favorite jacket, the puffy navy material having become sort of a comfort item in the past. Since his promotion, he hadn't been able to wear it, all of his Lieutenant branded clothing being swapped out with his Captain ones. But seeing it wrapped around Gabby gave him the same comfort it had when he'd wear it himself, knowing it had always been her favorite of his as well. It gave him a sense of normalcy, being reminded all of the times in the past she'd steal the jacket from him before leaving the house.
His eyes moved from her towards the sky as he felt water hit his face, seeing snow begin to fall from the clouds. Blowing out a breath, he took a few steps towards Gabby, her eyes still focused on the car in front of her.
"Babe," he called, getting her attention as she looked up towards him with a soft smile on her face. "I know this is a big decision, but we probably need to make a choice soon." He spoke, his point being proven as the snowflakes falling around them became heavier. A chuckle escaped her lips, Matt's smile widening as he watched her, seeing the snow begin to stick to her clothes, clinging to the hair peeking out beneath her beanie.
"This is the one I want." She spoke surely, nodding to the car they'd been standing in front of for the last ten minutes. His eyes flashed from her to the vehicle, suppressing a smirk as he realized it was the same exact car she used to have, only a few years newer. She was nothing if not consistent.
"You're positive?" He checked, Gabby nodding excitedly.
"I am. If you're sure we can afford it." She spoke softly, Matt's demeanor softening as he walked around the car to stand by her side.
"We can." He assured her, leaning down and placing a kiss to her covered forehead. "And you know how great I am at negotiating." He spoke smugly, pecking her lips before taking a few steps away from her. "Let me go get the guy, I'll be right back." He'd only made it a few steps before his phone started ringing in his pocket, Matt pulling it out and putting it to his ear.
"Hey Severide." He spoke, Gabby watching as he continued walking towards the building, his voice getting harder to hear the further away from her he got.
"No, we're at the dealership getting Gabby a car. What's up?" That was the last she heard as he walked inside, Gabby feeling a shiver run through her as the wind picked up, blowing the falling snow all around her.
Standing there, she felt that all too familiar nervousness creeping up inside her, suddenly feeling vulnerable being out here by herself. It seemed like the snowfall was picking up speed every second, creating white noise in front of her as she heard the sounds of the city around her. A car backfiring in the distance caused her to jump in her skin, Gabby suddenly feeling like it was hard to swallow as she closed her eyes. Pressure rose within her chest, the feeling hitting her all at once as she tried to calm herself down. But her efforts proved useless as she heard people yelling across the street as they got out of their car, their screaming combining with the harsh sounds of the city, the overload of noise around her causing everything to become too much as she felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. She found it becoming hard to get air into her lungs, her hand reaching out and gripping the side mirror of the vehicle. Her heart was racing, as sudden images from the night of her attack flashed in her mind, the snow falling in front of her replaced by a picture of herself being pinned to the floor, crying out helplessly. Before she knew what was happening, her body crashed to the ground, Gabby falling to her knees as she desperately sucked in air, the cold snow seeping in through her jeans as she moved to sit down on the ground, leaning up against the car.
The memories of that night ran through her head like a horror movie, Gabby forcing her eyes open as she saw the snow falling in front of her face. Despite the temperature, her entire body felt like it was on fire, Gabby grabbing a handful of snow and holding it to her cheeks, trying to cool herself off as she took slow breaths.
And as quickly as it had started, it was over. Gabby drew in deep breaths, dropping what was left of the snow from her palms, wiping the water from her face with the sleeve of her jacket. Her eyes fell closed as she felt her heart rate slow down, Gabby now very much aware of where she was and how cold it was, her body shivering involuntarily as the water seeped through her clothes.
Her mind ran rampant as she tried to digest what had just happened. She thought it was getting better. It had been getting better. But clearly she didn't have the handle on her anxiety she believed she did, knowing she'd just experienced a full blow panic attack. It had never been like that before, not this bad. She'd never seen images of her attack so clearly during one of her episodes, she'd never felt so paralyzed by fear. She had always been able to get back control of her emotions, but she wasn't able to this time. The realization made that same feeling creep back into her system, Gabby focusing on her breathing, knowing she needed to calm herself down before it got any worse.
"Gabby?" She heard Matt's voice calling for her, Gabby pushing down the uneasiness in her gut as she forced herself up off the ground.
"I'm right here, Matt." She spoke, using the car as leverage to get off the ground. She hadn't looked up, but she heard Matt rushing towards her, the snow crunching under his boots.
"What happened? Are you okay?" His voice was panicked as he got to her, putting his hands out on her arms, his eyes running over her body as he looked for any signs of distress.
"I'm fine, just slipped on some ice." The words flew from her mouth before she could process what she said. She wasn't even sure why she said it, but now wasn't the time to get into it.
Matt's frown deepened, his hands slowly running over her body as he scanned her form, even though they both knew he wouldn't be able to see any injuries, her layers of clothes hiding her. "You're not hurt or anything?" he questioned, Gabby shaking her head.
"I'm okay. I just wasn't paying attention, ate it pretty hard." She covered, flashing him a smile in hopes to ease his concern.
"I leave you alone for one minute." He joked softly, Gabby smirking as he brushed some excess snow from her body. "You're soaking wet, we can come back and do this later." He offered, clearly worried about her being out in the weather like this, but Gabby refused.
"No, I want to get this done today. I'm good." He raised his eyebrows, silently asking her if she was sure, to which she gave a nod. "Let's go." She prompted, Matt wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he lead her to the building.
"Oh before I forget, Kelly invited us to Molly's tonight." He asked as Gabby put her arm around his waist. She nodded, feeling him squeeze her shoulder. "Would you wanna go?"
"Maybe, yeah." She answered as they got to the door, Matt holding it open for her to walk through.
"We don't have to, but maybe it'll be good to see everyone." He spoke lightly, Gabby only nodding as they got inside, knowing this was a conversation they could finish later.
She knew she should've told him. The second it happened, she should've told him about her panic attack. It was something he needed to know, and the last thing she wanted was to keep this from him. She planned on telling him the minute they got home. But she didn't.
When they got back from the dealership, she had every intention of telling him what actually happened while he was inside. After they walked in the apartment and placed their car keys on the table, she'd opened her mouth to tell him, but he spoke before she got the chance to. He'd suggested her going to take a shower and warm up after being in those wet clothes for so long, and she agreed, heading into the bedroom without another word.
As she stood in the hot shower, she'd gone over the conversation she wanted to have with him in her head. How she was going to bring it up, and what she wanted to say to him, but her plan took a detour a second time when Matt came into the bathroom stripped down to nothing except his boxers, wandering around the small space, before ultimately ending up in the shower with her. In that moment, what happened earlier in the day was the last thing on her mind while they were together.
Her last attempt to talk to him failed as well, Gabby having looked to him an hour later when they were curled up together in their bed, only to find him fast asleep. They'd been laying in silence for a few minutes, both of them enjoying each others company. Gabby had been working up the courage to bring it up, but by the time she was ready he was out. So instead of getting to talk to him, she'd placed a soft kiss to his bare chest, before relaxing against him and falling asleep as well.
And now as they sat in his truck on the way to Molly's, she didn't know when to tell him. If she told him now, he'd surely turn around and go right back home, and that's not what she wanted. After they woke up from their nap, they decided they'd come tonight, and she could immediately tell how excited he was. Gabby didn't want to ruin that for him, so all she knew to do now was wait for another time.
"You still in there?" He asked her, the hand he'd placed on her thigh squeezing her leg lightly, his other grasping the steering wheel.
"Yeah, just thinking." He nodded, pulling into a parking spot about a block away from the bar. Putting the truck in park, he unbuckled, shifting his body to get a better look at her.
"I really appreciate you doing this." He said softly, Gabby turning to look at him. "I know this isn't easy for you, but I'm really glad you came with me." His smile filled her with warmth, Gabby bringing her hand up to cup his cheek.
"You don't have to thank me for anything. Who knows, maybe this will be good for all of us." She offered, Matt turning his head to place a kiss on her palm. Gabby wasn't sure if this was a good idea, in fact she was pretty sure it was a terrible one. But she couldn't avoid them forever, and she couldn't ask Matt to either. For as awkward and uncomfortable as being around them was for her, she knew it wasn't the same for him. She wouldn't ask him to skip out on time with people he saw as family, and she knew how much he wanted her to be there as well. There's a part of her that's hoping maybe Matt was right, that maybe seeing everyone on a more even playing field would have different results.
"I think so. But whenever you need to leave, just tell me. This is a lot, all at once, so as soon as you need to, just say the word and we'll go."
"Okay." Matt leaned forward, kissing her softly, before the two got out of the truck, thankful it wasn't currently snowing. Gabby zipped up her black jacket, Matt coming around the front of the truck and onto the sidewalk with her. Matt had his hands in his pockets to protect him from the cold, Gabby looping her arm through his before doing the same. They walked in step towards the bar, Gabby trying to keep herself grounded as she thought about what would be waiting for her when they got to Molly's. Kelly hadn't told Matt who all was gonna be there, but if things were still like they'd been in the past, she assumed it would be most of the firehouse.
"I got you." She heard Matt whisper as they got to the front door. The door that held so many memories for them. Looking up at him, she gave him a soft smile, placing her lips against his in a quick kiss. "Now let's go have some beer." He spoke with a grin as they pulled apart.
"I think I'll let you handle the drinking tonight." She spoke as he pulled open the door for her, Gabby taking the first step into the crowded bar. He cocked his head to the side in confusion as he followed her in. "I'm just gonna stick with water, but you have fun." She responded before he could ask a question. Gabby had felt a little guilty, knowing that since she'd been back he hadn't really had a night to let loose and have fun. All of that wasn't her fault, his head injury partly to blame, but she wanted him to be able to have a good night with his friends, and not be the one to worry about getting them home in one piece.
"If you insist." He replied with a smirk, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the bar. Glancing around, she saw many faces she recognized, some of which were already looking back at her. Feeling slightly self-conscious under the gaze of her former coworkers, she trained her focus on Matt's back, following him through the crowd.
"Kidd, a beer and water please." He spoke as he came to stand at the bar, Gabby squeezing in by his side.
"You got it Captain. Hey Dawson." She greeted with a smile, Gabby returning the gesture.
"Hey Stella. You guys are busy tonight."
"Yeah, everyone and their mama seems to be here tonight." Kidd replied, placing the glass of water on the bar top, the beer being sat beside it seconds later.
"Thanks Kidd." Matt said, dropping Gabby's hand as he reached for the glasses, handing Gabby hers.
"No problem. It's good to see you here, Gabby."
"Feels good to be here." She responded, Matt smiling widely at her, placing a soft kiss to the top of her head, the couple saying a quick goodbye to Stella before moving around the bar. Gabby let him lead her as they worked their way through the crowd, Matt clearly having a destination in mind. They managed to get towards the back of the bar, Gabby finally able to see who Matt was headed for. Sitting at a table was Kelly, accompanied by Brett and Cruz.
"Got room for two more?" Casey asked as they arrived at the table.
"Room for Dawson, sure." Kelly spoke, pulling out the empty stool beside him, nodding towards Gabby. Matt rolled his eyes, stepping out of the way for her to sit down. Placing her water on the table, she hoisted herself up onto the seat, Matt wasting no time to move by her side, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he stood next to her.
Gabby took a sip of her water, looking straight across and meeting Brett's gaze neither woman knowing what to say to the other.
"We heard about the new job, congrats." Kelly spoke, nudging her shoulder.
"Yeah, thank you. I'm excited." She replied softly, glancing up to Matt who gave her a supportive smile, putting her at ease.
"So it's the SAS? That place that approached us a while back?" Brett spoke for the first time, looking for confirmation.
"That's the one, yeah." Gabby answered, giving her old partner a nod. "I think it's the best job for me right now."
"I hope it goes well." Brett spoke sincerely, both women hating how awkward the simplest conversations were now.
"When do you start?" Cruz asked curiously.
"I'll find out in the next few days, but it should be here soon."
"Brett!" Yelling from across the bar stopped their conversation, Gabby turning to see Foster standing over by Kidd, both women waving the blonde over. Brett quickly excused herself, heading over to the other two, Gabby watching as she walked through the bar and met up with her friends. Sitting there, Gabby couldn't help but think about how that used to be her with Kidd and Brett. How that used to be the three of them, attached at the hip. But that wasn't them anymore, her spot had been filled. In more ways than one.
"I'm gonna go get a refill, you need anything?" Cruz offered as he got up, the three declining his offer before he left the table.
Blowing out a sigh, Gabby moved her fingers along her water glass. Although logic told her it wasn't because of her, she couldn't help the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that her presence is what cleared the table. But she didn't want to focus on that. All she could do now is try. Try and make things better between her and everyone else, but she can't force them to forgive her.
"So, did you end up getting a car today?" Severide asked, Gabby feeling Matt running his hand over her back.
"Yeah, we did. Now I don't have to depend on this one to take me places." Gabby spoke, leaning into Matt's side slightly.
"That's funny, considering I drove tonight." He said back, Gabby rolling her eyes before pushing him away from her lightly.
"Just for that, you can go sit over there by yourself." She nodded to the other side of the table, Matt frowning before stepping away from her and walking around the table, sitting across from her.
As Matt and Kelly fell into easy conversation, Gabby let her eyes wander around the room. Brett had set up over by Kidd, both her and Foster now seated at the bar. Cruz was bickering with Otis near them as well, seemingly having no intention of coming back to the table. She saw a few other firefighters around, as well as some regulars she remembered serving all the time.
"I'll be right back." Matt spoke, breaking her from her thoughts.
"You're leaving too?" She asked, a light tone to her voice. "Kelly's the only one who wants to sit with me, huh." Kelly chuckled at her teasing, Matt huffing as he stood up, coming to place a kiss on her forehead, his lips resting against the scar residing there.
"I'm just going to the bathroom." He assured her, before taking off in that direction.
"So how you doing, Dawson?" Kelly asked, taking a sip of his beer as the two of them were left alone.
"I'm doing pretty good." She spoke, turning to look at him. "And how's Kelly Severide?"
"Can't complain." He spoke with a shrug, shifting in his seat to face Gabby. "And what about Casey? He okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine." She spoke, raising her eyebrow. "Is there a reason he wouldn't be?"
"He kinda got into with Herrmann last shift, and kept to himself after that." Kelly responded, Gabby's eyes narrowing in confusion. Sensing she didn't know what he was talking about, he elaborated. "It was mostly just Matt losing his cool and Herrmann taking it, but Casey seemed really upset about it after. I just wanted to make sure he was good."
"He's seemed fine." Gabby responded, taking a drink of water. "Do you know what they fought about?" Kelly gave her a knowing look, Gabby sighing in response. "It was about me, wasn't it." She stated, Kelly nodding with a small grimace.
"He told us about you switching jobs, and everyone was confused. And didn't really get it. They all just assumed, at some point, you'd come back. Matt tried to explain it to them, but he was losing his patience with it pretty quickly." Kelly explained, Gabby taking in the information. "Herrmann went to him after, I only heard bits and pieces but he was really upset. Herrmann thought that by waiting for you to come to him, he was doing the right thing. But now he thinks all he did was push you away. Matt kind of let him have it, for not reaching out to you. Both Herrmann and Casey were just... off the rest of shift. They avoided each other, and everyone else." Kelly told her, Gabby frowning as Kelly spoke.
"Matt didn't say anything to me." She replied quietly.
"Probably didn't want to worry you." Severide answered quickly, Gabby nodding as she moved her eyes around the bar. She was looking for Matt, but he still hadn't appeared yet. However her gaze found another man she knew she needed to have a conversation with, the older firefighter carrying a stack of glasses to the back room.
"I'll be right back, Kelly." Severide had followed her movements, seeing her gaze end up on Herrmann before he was out of sight. He gave her a knowing nod, patting her back gently before she stood up, walking through the maze of people and sliding behind the bar, going into the stock room.
When she came in, his back was to her as he was sorting the bar glasses on the table. She waited to see if he would turn around, but she soon realized he hadn't heard her come in.
"Hey Herrmann." Her soft voice floated through the room, the man jumping in his skin slightly from the voice, not expecting anyone to be behind him. He immediately turned around, a smile resting on his face when he saw her.
"Hey kid, I didn't know you'd be here tonight." Herrmann took a few steps towards her, wrapping her up in a gentle, yet firm hug, Gabby holding onto him tightly for the few seconds they embraced.
"Matt drug me along with him." She replied as they separated, Herrmann nodding with a knowing grin.
"I sure am glad you're here." He spoke, his voice lowering a bit as emotion flooded his words. "It hasn't been the same without you." She knew his phrasing had multiple meanings, Gabby swallowing thickly.
"I'm glad I'm here, too." Her voice dropped to nearly a whisper, feeling tears pricking the edges of her eyes. "I owe you an apology." She started, knowing she needed to get the words out while she could.
"If either of us owes anyone an apology, it's me." He interjected, Gabby shaking her head.
"I appreciate that Herrmann, I do. But I caused all this." She waved her hand in front of her to emphasize her words, willing the tears in her eyes to stay there. "I'm the one who ran away because things got hard," He frowned as she spoke, seeing the unmistakable look of sadness cover her features, "and I never said goodbye to you." Her voice became shaky, Herrmann watching her with sadness filling his own features. "You deserved better than that, and I really am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you all." A lone tear escaped down her cheek, Herrmann feeling his heart begin to crack as he saw the pain and regret she'd been carrying.
"It's not just on you, Dawson." He spoke, his own voice full of emotion. "I should've called you, especially when we found out you weren't coming back. You never do anything without a damn good reason, it wasn't fair for me to cut you out because I didn't take the time to understand why you left." He spoke firmly, more tears falling down her face. "You were hurting... before you left, you weren't yourself and we didn't see it. That's on us, that's not on you. I know you blame yourself for all of this, but we're just as much to blame. We're your family and we let you down." His voice cracked as he finished his sentence, Gabby swallowing the lump that formed in her throat. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, kid."
Tears were falling down her face as he pulled her in for another hug, Gabby clinging to him as her emotions got the best of her, a soft sob escaping her lips as he held her tighter, moving his hand up and down her back. He felt her body tremble slightly in his arms, Herrmann holding her tighter as his own tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on her shoulder.
"I can't change what happened, but just know I'm here, Gabby." He promised, more tears falling as his words hit her. "I don't know what all happened before you left, or what happened in Puerto Rico. I don't need to know," He prefaced, Gabby pulling back from his embrace, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "but I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm right here." He swore, Gabby nodding slowly, Herrmann placing his hand on her arm.
"And I'm sorry for not coming to you sooner." He started, squeezing her arm. "I thought giving you space is what you needed, but I shouldn't have given you that much space. I'm sorry we made you feel like you couldn't come back to 51, that's not what any of us wanted."
"There was more to it than that, Herrmann." She replied, wiping under her eyes.
"Yeah, but we were a main part of it." He supplemented, Gabby staying quiet knowing what he said was true. "I know you're starting your new job soon, and you're gonna be the same badass Gabby Dawson you've always been, but just know you can always come home." He spoke honestly, Gabby taking a slow breath before nodding, brushing away a single tear that fell. Without another word, he pulled her in for another hug, Gabby holding on tightly.
"I'm proud of you, kid." He whispered after a few moments of silence.
"For what?" She asked, her head resting on his shoulder.
"For being here right now. Because even though I don't know what all happened, I know it took a lot of strength for you to come back. It's taking a lot of strength for you to be here right now. I'm proud of you for that." His words resonated in her head, causing a few more tears to fall down her face, Gabby sniffling softly as tightened his grip around her back.
"Thanks Herrmann." She whispered, before the two pulled away.
"But I was serious," He started, Gabby looking at him quizzically as she wiped the tears from her face. "I want to hear all about your job." He said with a smile, Gabby grinning as she nodded. "Let's head back out there." He prompted, Gabby leading the way as they went back into the filled bar.
The second she got out there, her eyes went to her table, finding Matt's gaze already waiting for her. Clearly he'd been waiting for her to come back, and by the frown that formed on his face, she knew he could tell she'd been crying. She came around to stand by the end of the bar, Matt already making his way to her. Herrmann had stopped behind the bar, standing across from her.
"Hey," Matt spoke, coming to a stop by her side. "You okay?" His hand came up to rest on her cheek, his thumb moving softly over her skin, his frown only deepening when he saw her red eyes.
"I'm alright." She replied, Matt furrowing his eyebrows. "I promise." She assured him, bringing her hand up to hold onto his wrist. "Herrmann and I were talking, everything's fine." Matt finally peeled his eyes from Gabby, turning to see the other man standing and watching them, a similar look of emotion covering his face. Releasing a soft breath, Matt nodded as he looked back to Gabby, leaning forward and placing a tender kiss to her forehead.
Dropping his hand from her cheek, Matt turned his attention to Herrmann, feeling Gabby move her grasp from his wrist to his hand.
"I was just apologizing," Herrmann started, Matt bringing Gabby into his side. Their hands dropped long enough for him to wrap an arm around her shoulder, but she quickly brought her hand back up to latch with his, their fingers interlocking. "We both got a little emotional, though Captain." The older firefighter spoke lightly, bringing soft smiles to both Matt's and Gabby's faces.
"I owe you an apology, too." Matt spoke regretfully, Herrmann quick to wave him off.
"I know why you were so upset with us, Casey. You were looking out for Dawson," Matt felt Gabby squeeze his hand as Herrmann spoke, "I get it. And truthfully, what you said, I needed to hear it. You have nothing to apologize for. We're good." He assured.
"Thanks Herrmann." Casey replied, Christopher giving him a nod before he was called for further down the bar, the older man excusing himself leaving Matt and Gabby by themselves.
"So your talk went okay?" He asked her softly. Matt didn't need the details right now, they could talk about it later, all he wanted to know was that she was alright. But even through her watery, red eyes, he could see her spirits were lifted. It was like an invisible weight had been lifted. She seemed lighter than she had before, and that was all the confirmation he needed.
"It did." She responded, wrapping her arm around his waist as she dropped his hand, letting him lead her back to their table.
"Good." Matt leaned his head down, the two stopping in their path momentarily as he took her lips with his, kissing her quickly yet passionately, taking her breath away as he pulled back. "I love you."
A goofy grin had appeared on his face, Gabby not able to stop a similar one from forming as she placed her free hand on his stomach, the pair continuing their walk to the table.
"I love you too." She spoke back as they got to their seats, Gabby and Matt sitting opposite of Kelly who was watching them with a smirk.
"You got something to say, Severide?" Matt challenged, the other man shaking his head, putting his hands up in surrender.
"Nope." Kelly responded. Gabby chuckled at their behavior, moving to rest her head against Matt's arm, lacing her arm through his as Matt and Kelly began bickering back and forth. In the midst of their conversation, Matt had reached across the table, grabbing her water and setting it in front of her, Gabby flashing him an appreciative smile and placing a quick kiss to his covered arm.
As she took a sip, her eyes wandered around the bar, her gaze stopping as she found three pairs of eyes on her. Brett, Stella, and Foster had been watching them, Gabby not sure for how long, but the second they were caught, they looked away. Well, Sylvie and Stella had looked away, but Foster kept her eyes on her, Gabby uncomfortably breaking the eye contact quickly and focusing her attention back on Matt and Kelly.
Foster kept her eyes trained on Gabby as the women looked away, Emily seeing her move even closer against Casey, the man leaning and placing a kiss to her forehead before engaging back in his conversation with Severide, Matt seemingly never missing a beat.
"So is it weird, having her back?" Emily asked the question again, neither woman having answered after Gabby saw their staring.
"Uh, kinda. Maybe." Stella stuttered out, glancing back to Gabby before returning her gaze to the women in front of her. "I'm glad she's back, but it is a little strange." Foster nodded, looking at Brett expectantly, waiting for the blonde to answer. Stella looked to her as well, Brett sighing before she responded.
"Yeah, it's kind of weird." She gave in, focusing her attention on the glass in front of her. "I'd gotten used to her not being here. And I don't mean that in a bad way, I just-" Brett fumbled over her words, stopping a moment to gather her thoughts. "She was my best friend here, and for her to just up and leave… it hurt." Brett admitted, Foster giving her a sad smile.
"Casey said she had her reasons." Stella spoke, both women eyeing her.
"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of those." Kidd and Foster looked at her in confusion, Brett blowing out another sigh. "Her and I got into a fight before she left, and we never really made up."
"About what?"
"How she treated me on a call. She was dealing with some stuff and snapped at me, and I didn't respond well."
"No one can fault you for that." Foster cut in, Brett shrugging.
"She tried to apologize, and explain, or at least I think she did. I didn't really let her. We both said some things, and then a week later she left." Sylvie explained, taking a sip of her drink. "I don't know, for a long time I blamed myself. Maybe I am a big part of why she didn't come back, but I don't even know what to say to her."
"From what I've heard, it sounds like things here got hard and she ran away." Foster imputed, Kidd and Brett exchanging a glance before turning to their friend. "I don't know Gabby, but as someone on the outside looking at this, that's how it seems. I'm sure, like Casey said, she had her reasons, but she still made the choice to go. That's not your fault."
"Yeah, but I don't think it's that simple." Stella replied, "I've known Gabby for a long time and if she's anything, it's a fighter. She doesn't give in unless she sees no other way out. I think there's a lot more that was going on that we don't know about. It's like the Captain said, whatever news they'd gotten before this happened, it broke her. And that's not an easy thing to do." Kidd took a breath before continuing. "Dawson is as resilient as they come, she's been through more in the last five years than anyone should ever have to endure in their life. I know she chose to go, and it hurt, her leaving, but all I'm saying is I think she had some pretty good reasons."
Kidd hadn't meant to sound so defensive of Dawson, but she couldn't help it. Gabby had been one of her closest friends for years, and despite how she left, Stella never felt that animosity towards her that others in the firehouse had.
Emily put her hands up in defense, a small smile falling to her face. "I didn't mean anything by it. I know you all know her, I was just saying that ultimately it was her choice to leave." Foster said, Kidd nodding slowly. An uncomfortable silence had fallen around them, neither Kidd nor Brett knowing what to say.
"Tell me about her." Emily finally spoke up, Kidd eyeing her cautiously. "Tell me about Dawson. I've been here for months, and I barely know anything about her. You said she's been through a lot, like what?" She pried, Brett shifting in her seat.
"I don't know if it's really our place…" Brett spoke apprehensively, Foster rolling her eyes and smiling.
"Come on, the things you're talking about, it's common knowledge around the firehouse, right?" Emily asked, Kidd looking to Brett who shrugged. Stella nodded in response, Emily clasping her hands together. "Then it's not like you're spilling some deep, dark secrets. I just wanna know about her."
"Alright, well…" Kidd started, clearing her throat. "I met Dawson when we were in the academy-"
"She was a firefighter?" Emily asked, surprise evident in her voice.
"Yeah, for about two years. But I met her then, we had some classes together. We were friends, but we reconnected when I got stationed at 51 a few years back. She'd been working on 81 for a little over a year at that point."
"She was on truck? But how- if she was married to Casey?"
"They weren't married at that point." Brett interjected, Emily turning to look at her. "They got engaged shortly after I came to 51, but then Gabby got placed on 81 and they had to put things on hold. Things got… tense, they ended up breaking up for awhile. But they got back together when-" Brett cut herself off, looking to Kidd for guidance.
"When what?"
Kidd saw Brett staring at her, the blonde obviously not knowing if she should tell that part of the story. Shrugging her shoulders, Kidd tossed the rag in her hand over her shoulder. "I wasn't there when it happened, it's up to you." Stella responded, Emily looking back and forth between the two.
"What happened? What are you two talking about?" Foster pressed, Brett sighing. Glancing to the back of the bar, Sylvie caught a glimpse of Gabby, seeing her laughing at something being said at the table, tucked into Matt's side.
"They got back together when they found out she was pregnant." Brett spoke, her eyes focused on Gabby.
"Whoa, wait-" Foster spoke, looking back to Matt and Gabby as well before looking back towards the girls. "Dawson and Casey have a kid?"
"No, they don't." Brett breathed out, turning back to face front. "Them getting back together wasn't because of the pregnancy, but Matt found out when he went to get her back." Sylvie told her, the memory of Gabby telling her the story replaying in her head. "But Gabby had a miscarriage. The baby… it was never really a viable pregnancy. But it almost killed her."
"Wow." Foster spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "That's awful."
"Yeah, it was hard on both of them. But eventually they were okay."
"And they got married?" Foster asked curiously.
"Not until like a year after that."
"Is that why she went back to being a paramedic? So they could get married?" Foster questioned.
"Uh, no. She went back to being a paramedic for Louie." Kidd answered, Emily's eyes narrowing in confusion.
"Who's Louie?"
"A child her and Casey were fostering." Foster's eyes widened, glancing to Brett who was wearing a sad smile. "They had him for about seven months. Louie had a rough past, and Gabby didn't feel comfortable with both of his parents running into the same burning building. She didn't want to leave him with no one, again, so she decided to go back to being a paramedic. And they got married a couple months after she became a paramedic again." Kidd explained, Foster nodding as she listened intently. "They were planning on adopting him, they were trying to. But then his birth father came back and a couple of long, painful weeks later, Louie was back with him."
"You weren't kidding about her going through a lot, her and Casey both…" Foster mused, both women nodding.
"She lost her best friend, too." Brett spoke up. "The paramedic here before me, Shay. She was Gabby's best friend, and Kelly's. But she died in an explosion."
"The name on the ambulance…" Emily said softly, Sylvie nodding.
"Yeah, that's her. Neither of us ever knew her. Aside from Casey and her family, she was probably the person Gabby loved most in the world." Kidd spoke, Foster glancing back towards Dawson again. "So when I say that Gabby is resilient, that's why. She's been through a lot, and she's never given up so easily before. So whatever happened to her and Matt before she left, had to have completely broken her for her to choose to stay in Puerto Rico." Kidd finished, Emily nodding and taking a sip of her drink.
"I can understand that," Foster started, Brett and Kidd waiting for her to continue. "But after everything you've told me, it's not just her that's been through a lot. It's her and Casey. And I'm assuming whatever news they got before she left, affects her and Casey, too." Emily spoke. "She still chose to run away from him, and from her life."
"Emily…" Brett started, Foster cutting her off.
"All I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel guilty about whatever happened between you two before she left. It was still her choice to go."
Knowing there was nothing else she could say, Brett just nodded, taking a long sip of her drink, finishing off the glass before setting it back on the bar. Calling from down the bar got Kidd's attention, Herrmann needing help serving some customers across the room. Foster watched her friend's retreating form before turning to Sylvie, seeing the blonde lost in thought.
"So why do you really think she's back?" Emily asked, Brett snapping from her headspace and looking towards her, confusion written across her face.
"What do you mean?"
"She wouldn't have come back without a reason. And I doubt it was just because she missed everyone. She would've come back a lot sooner if that was the case. I just think it's weird." Foster said, shrugging as she spoke.
"I don't know." Brett responded, not sure where Emily was going with this conversation.
"And Casey just got back with her like nothing happened. I mean, she was his wife and he loved her, but I don't know how you could get back with someone who abandoned you like that."
"I'm not gonna pretend to know what all goes on in their relationship." Brett started. She knew Emily was a curious person, she had been from the moment they met, but she didn't understand why she was so fixated on this. Especially when she barely knows them. "I don't know what all went down before she left, or after she left. And I definitely don't know what's been going on since she got back. But what I do know is that Casey loves her more than anything in the world. She's his number one priority, and she always has been." Brett spoke, seeing Emily's eyes flash back towards their table. "And Gabby loves him just as much. I know you weren't here to see it, but they're at their happiest together."
"I'm just worried about you guys, that's all. I feel like me not knowing her, I'm able to see this situation clearly." Emily said, Brett glancing to her. "I'm not judging Dawson for what she did, I never knew her and it doesn't affect me. But it affects you all. You guys are like my family and I don't want to see you get hurt again."
"I appreciate that, really. But you don't need to worry about us." Brett told her, Emily eyeing her cautiously. Sylvie took a deep breath, trying to gather herself before continuing, not knowing how she wanted to voice her thoughts. "Gabby and I… we have a lot to figure out. But we have to do that for ourselves." Foster nodded understandingly.
"You mean back off. I get it." Emily said with a smile, Sylvie sighing. "You're just too nice to say so."
"I just meant that her and I are the ones who had problems, we're the only ones who can fix them."
"Brett, you don't need to explain yourself. I know you can handle yourself. Just know I'm here if you need a little help." Brett nodded appreciatively, turning her attention back towards her empty glass. She was thankful for Emily trying to help, but she knew this was something that only her and Gabby could fix. The only problem was Sylvie didn't know if there was anything left to fix.
Well there's another one. Unfortunately, it's looking like Gabby's not as okay as she thought she was. But at least things between her and Herrmann are looking up.
Herrmann and Gabby's relationship was always one of my favorite dynamics on the show, so I really enjoyed writing their scene in this. I feel like we never really saw much of it after season four, which is a bummer because their scenes were always some of my favorites.
I know a lot of this chapter wasn't with Gabby and Matt, but I felt it important to show Foster learning about Gabby, and see that conversation between Brett, Kidd, and Foster. Full disclosure, I know nothing about Foster's character/personality, so if she's out of character from the show, I'm sorry. Also, to be clear, I'm not trying to make her out to be a bad guy or anything like that.
Can't wait to hear what you guys think!