Hello! I don't have much to say, so let's just get into it. Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty One
"Dawson, can you hand me more gauze from the compartment over there?" Norris asked as she sat on the gurney in the back of the ambulance, the bag filled with their supplies laid out beside her.
Gabby nodded, grabbing a sufficient amount before handing it to her partner, Jemma stashing it in the bag before marking it off their checklist.
Today was Gabby's fourth shift working for the SAS, this being her first day without watching from the sidelines. The morning had gone by slow, Gabby's ambulance not having been called out yet. But she was thankful that her time on light duty was done. Chief Walters decided it was time to take the kid gloves off and leave her to her own devices, Gabby having done her last shift with both Jemma and Bobby Miller two days ago. She's only been working here for a week, but in that time Dawson has fit in nicely. Everyone was nice and accommodating, and soon it felt like she'd been here forever. Seeing as how they were never usually crazy busy, that left a lot of time to get to know one another.
She'd learned a lot about the lives of her coworkers, as well as letting them see a little into hers. After her talk with Matt, she felt comfortable speaking of him as her husband to her new friends. Even though it wasn't exactly what he was to her, trying to explain their current set of circumstances was too painful, especially to people she'd only just met. And she believed Matt when he told her they'd get married again one day, so she felt no problems with referring to him as her husband.
They'd also been curious about her previous work in a firehouse, wanting to hear about any and all crazy calls she'd been apart of. With the many years of experience under her belt, she had quite a bit of stories to share. It had become a ritual of sorts, Turner or Murray usually being the ones to initiate the conversation, wanting to hear any and everything about her past job, everyone listening intently as she'd explain different calls she'd been on in years past.
Gabby found herself thankful that as interested as they were in her past work at 51, they didn't share the same level of enthusiasm for her relief work in Puerto Rico. After learning what she went there for, they didn't have many questions. And she was grateful for that. She felt like she was on thin ice lately with having a handle on her anxiety, Gabby never sure what might send her over the edge. So her not having to constantly mention Puerto Rico and relive those memories was a small blessing.
"We need anything else?" Gabby asked her partner as she got out of her own head, Norris eyeing over the contents of their bag, checking it against her list.
"A few more pairs of gloves and we should be all set." Jemma replied with a smile, Gabby pulling the items out of their drawer and handing them over, Norris placing them in the bag before zipping it up and storing it in its home in the back of the ambo.
"So, first shift on complete duty, you excited?" Jemma asked as they both stepped down from the back of the ambulance, the younger woman shutting the doors behind them.
"I am. I'm gonna miss Miller around here, though. He made some damn good food." Gabby spoke with a smile, Jemma nodding with a smirk on her face.
"That he does." Norris replied with a chuckle, the two women laughing as they headed for the door to get inside, wanting to escape the chill in the air around them. Both women were stopped in their tracks as a loud, shrieking sound rang throughout the garage, the sound of metal on metal filling their ears. Jemma whipped her head towards the noise, seeing ambulance 98 scraping the side of the garage as it was being backed in.
"Oh boy," Jemma spoke with a grimace on her face, "looks like Lucy let Blevins drive again." She turned around, her mouth open to speak but it slammed shut as she saw Gabby huddled on the ground, the woman breathing heavily with her hand over her chest.
"Dawson, hey, what's wrong?" The concern was evident in her voice, Jemma crouching down beside her, gently placing her hand on Gabby's arm. The contact caused Gabby's eyes to snap up, seeing Jemma's worry-filled gaze on her. "What happened?" Norris' voice had dropped considerably, seeing how shaken her new partner was.
"No-nothing." Gabby stuttered out, embarrassment filling her body as she regained sense of where she was, as she realized what had just happened. "I'm fine." She spoke firmly, pushing herself up off the ground, Jemma standing up with her. "I'm just gonna…" Gabby trailed off, darting towards the entrance to the station. Norris watched her go through the double doors, following her until she was out of sight. Glancing back towards the ambulance, she saw Blevins directing Decker in the garage as she tried to fix his mistake. She wasn't sure what to do here. Clearly something was wrong with Gabby, and she wanted to help. But she didn't want to pry and make things worse.
Glancing back to the double doors Dawson had disappeared through, she decided it best to give her some space for a few minutes, let the woman have a moment alone before going in search of her. She wanted Gabby to know she didn't need to go through whatever this was alone, and make it known she was here if she needed anything.
Once she entered through the doors, Gabby rushed to the bathroom, needing a minute to compose herself. A minute to try and come to terms with what just happened. She pushed her way into the bathroom, sucking in a deep breath as she got to the counter, leaning her body weight against it as her palms rested on the cold surface. She closed her eyes, hanging her head down as she drew in slow, steady breaths.
She's not even entirely sure what happened. She heard the noise and it's like her body acted on impulse, Gabby crouching down to the ground to hide. Hide from whatever her mind saw as a threat, even though she knew there was no real danger around her. But it was like she had no control over her actions, she immediately acted out of fear without any way to stop it.
Deep down, since her first panic attack she knew she wasn't okay. She wasn't coping with what happened, no matter how much she tried to tell herself she was. There were aspects of what she went through that she hadn't dealt with. If she was being honest with herself, she knows she hasn't really dealt with it at all. She moved her focus from herself to Matt, and her brother, trying to convince them that she was okay. Even if she wasn't. But now her ignorance of what happened to her seemed to be manifesting into something much more daunting. Something much harder to control.
There was another part to this that made her even more nervous, and that was Matt. She never told him about what happened at the car dealership. Gabby didn't mean to keep him in the dark about this. It just got swept under the rug, as other things kept coming up. And suddenly it didn't feel as important anymore. She thought she'd gotten somewhat of a handle on it, or she told herself she did. So she decided against telling him. The last thing Gabby wanted was him worrying about her more, over something that wasn't important.
But this was more of an issue than she wanted to admit. It wasn't something Gabby could ignore anymore, it wasn't something she could keep from him. What was happening to her, her body's reactions to things her mind didn't understand, it was scaring her. Not having control over your own reactions to simple, everyday things, was nerve-wracking.
She was scared, and Matt needed to know.
Gabby's head lifted back up as she heard the bathroom door open, seeing Jemma walk into the room through the mirror, the woman wearing a look of clear concern. "Hey Dawson." She started softly, not wanting to spook her. Gabby replied with a nod, turning around to face her as she leaned against the countertop. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine." Gabby's voice came out hoarse, not sounding nearly as self-assured as she wanted. And Jemma saw right through it.
"Okay." She responded, clearly not convinced. "You want to talk about what happened out there?" She was giving Gabby the choice, giving her a out in case she wasn't ready.
Shrugging, Gabby averted her eyes to the ground, crossing her arms over her chest. "The noise just scared me a little. I'm good."
"Are you sure that's all it was?" Jemma took the opening, hoping she wasn't overstepping. She'd only known Gabby for a week, yes, but in that time the two of them had grown to become friends, and she wanted to do anything she could to help her.
"Yeah, I just-" Gabby cut herself off, bringing her hand up to run over the side of her face as she tried to figure out what to say. "There's some anxiety issues I've been having, but I'm okay." She confided in her friend, feeling like she could be honest with her. "There's some… things I've been dealing with lately and it's left me a little on edge, that's all." Gabby couldn't understand why she was sharing this with someone she just met, but for some reason she didn't feel weary to talk to Jemma.
Norris nodded with an understanding smile, trying to find the right words to say. "I'm sorry to hear that, Gabby." She spoke sincerely, not wanting to pressure her into saying anything more, assuming her new partner would open up if she wanted to. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No, not really. It's just something I've gotta get through. But thank you." Gabby replied appreciatively. Norris nodded, biting her lip apprehensively before speaking again.
"I may be completely overstepping here, and if I am feel free to tell me… But are you seeing anyone? Or getting help for this?" Jemma asked wearily, Gabby's eyes widening slightly at the question. "I'm sorry, I just- I want you to be okay and I can't imagine how hard this has been on you."
"Jemma, I promise I'm okay." Gabby tried to assure her partner, not wanting to get into the details of everything. Before any more words could be said, her phone ringing broke their conversation, Gabby sparing one last glance to Jemma before pulling the phone from her pocket, seeing Matt's contact photo covering the screen.
"One second." She spoke apologetically towards Jemma, the woman nodding as Gabby brought the phone up to her ear. "Hey baby."
"Hey yourself." Matt responded lightly, his voice bringing an instant smile to her face. No matter what she was going through, just the sound of him was always able to calm her down. "How's your shift going?"
"It's alright." Gabby did her best to sound convincing, not wanting to alarm him, knowing the conversation she needed to have with him couldn't be done over the phone. "How's your day going? Did you finish up at your job?" She asked curiously, remembering him telling her all about the construction gig he was taking today. It was the first job he was taking since she'd been back, and she knew he was eager to get back to work.
"The snow made fixing that porch a little more difficult, but it went well. It felt good to get back to construction for a little bit." Gabby smiled as she heard him speak, hearing the genuine excitement in his voice.
"I'm sure it did, I'm glad you were able to do it." She responded to him, her eyes catching Jemma's waiting gaze. "So, uh, did you need something?"
"Trying to get rid of me already? I get it." He spoke with a breathy laugh, Gabby smirking as she looked to the ground. "But actually, I was calling to see if you wanted to go to Molly's tonight after you get off shift? Also I was calling just because I miss you." He added at the end, Gabby's chest filling with warmth at his words. "But I figured we could stop by after dinner, if you're not too exhausted from shift."
Bringing her hand up to her forehead, Gabby put slight pressure against her skull as she thought over his request. She didn't want to keep what was going on with her from him any longer than she already had, but she also didn't want to disappoint him if he was excited to go out tonight. After their last visit to Molly's, she had felt herself regain a sense of normalcy that had been taken from her as they sat there with Kelly, and she was sure it felt the same for Matt. And at this point, she didn't think a few more hours could hurt anything.
"Gabby?" His voice broke her from her thoughts, Gabby taking a quick breath before responding.
"Yeah, sorry I'm here. That sounds good babe."
"You sure? We don't have to if you're not up for it." He spoke quickly, Gabby hearing the hesitation in his voice. She was sure her prolonged silence had him doubting her words.
"I'm positive, it'll be fun. Maybe I'll see if Jemma wants to come." Gabby spoke, the woman's eyebrows raising as she heard her name mentioned.
"Yeah, you should invite her. I'd love to meet her."
"I will. But I gotta get back to work. I'll see you tonight, alright?"
"Okay. Be safe out there. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye." She spoke softly, waiting to hear his goodbye before pulling the phone away from her ear, shoving it back in her pocket as she found Jemma's gaze again. "Sorry about that." Gabby told her, Jemma waving her off. "That was Matt, we're gonna go to Molly's tonight, you should come."
"Molly's?" She questioned, her face wearing a look of confusion.
"Oh, sorry." Gabby apologized, not even thinking to explain what it was. "Molly's is a bar I own with some of the people I used to work with. It's a good atmosphere, everyone there is really nice. I think you should come, if you want." Gabby offered, Jemma smiling softly. "And I'd love for you to meet Matt. Just think about it."
"I will, yeah." Jemma responded, neither woman able to say another word before their ambo was called out over the intercom. They rushed from the bathroom, heading for the garage as they mentally prepared for their call. When they got to the ambulance, Jemma stopped before climbing in. "You sure you're okay to do this?" She questioned, worry filling her words.
"Yeah, I'm good." Gabby promised, giving the assurance her partner needed before the two women climbed into the rig and headed out into the cold city.
Gabby stood at the bar, her arm resting on Matt's shoulder as he sat on the stool next to her, the two making conversation with Herrmann. The older man had been asking her nonstop questions about her job, this having been the first time she's seen him since starting at the private company. Kidd kept popping in and out during their conversation, engaging as much as she could in the conversation as she worked her way up and down the bar when needed.
When Gabby first walked into Molly's an hour ago, her hand clasped tightly in Matt's, she didn't know what to expect. Although her first visit to Molly's had gone okay, she still didn't know what kind of reception she'd get from this group. This was only the second time she'd be spending any sort of time with anyone from the firehouse, and she still didn't know what kind of reactions she'd get from them. She hadn't spent enough time with them to know if they were finally starting to move on from the animosity they held towards her, or if they were just playing nice for the sake of everyone involved. With Herrmann and Kelly, she felt fine. Herrmann was making an effort with her, and she felt them gradually getting back to the relationship they had before. But aside from those two, she still felt nervous around everyone else. Thankfully, the crew from 51 was light here tonight, aside from Herrmann and Kidd working, only Severide and Brett were here, both nursing their drinks at the bar. Kelly was seated on the other side of Matt, Brett a few seats down from him. The bar wasn't too crowded tonight, the only other patrons being a few regulars who had stationed themselves around the room, and a bachelor party who had taken up refuge at the far end of the bar, Stella being called over multiple times to replenish their drinks.
"So, the slow pace hasn't bothered you yet, Dawson?" Herrmann asked with a raised eyebrow, Gabby scoffing at the question, seeing Matt turn to look at her with a smirk on his face. "I mean, you used to get bored when we'd go two hours without a call."
"Yes, well Herrmann I'm getting older, like you." She started, Matt chuckling as he moved to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. "And I'm actually enjoying the pace." She told him, Herrmann eyeing her suspiciously. Gabby challengingly raised her eyebrows, before grabbing her beer and taking a long sip.
"Alright kid, I believe you." He replied after studying her for a few moments. "I just want you to be happy."
"I am, Herrmann." She responded lightly, her eyes darting to Matt as she felt him tighten his grip around her waist while the older firefighter spoke. Leaning forward, Matt placed a soft kiss to her lips, pulling away just as quickly as he got there. Before he could pull away completely, she gave him another peck, patting her hand against his chest as they separated.
"Gabby?" A voice from behind them spoke up, Gabby turning in Matt's arms at the sound of her name, Matt's hand shifting from her hip to her stomach as she moved.
"Jemma, hey!" Gabby greeted, slipping from Matt's grasp to go greet her friend. "I'm so glad you could make it."
"I'm happy to be here." She replied, Gabby turning back towards the bar.
"No Marcus tonight?"
"No, he has some work to catch up on. Next time I'll bring him." Jemma promised, Gabby nodding understandingly as they got back to the small group.
"Guys, this is my partner Jemma." Gabby introduced, the young brunette waving to the small group in front of her.
"Hi." She spoke shyly, which was a shift from her usual demeanor.
"Jemma, this is Christopher Herrmann, Stella Kidd, Sylvie Brett, and Kelly Severide." Each of them gave Jemma a wave or nod as Gabby spoke. "And this is Matt." Gabby said as she placed a hand on his chest, Casey giving Jemma a warm smile.
"It's nice to finally meet you." Matt spoke, holding his hand out to shake hers.
"Ah, so you're the husband." Jemma said, Gabby tensing as the words came out of her mouth. Behind Matt, Kelly choked on his drink as she spoke, Kidd and Herrmann glancing to each other before looking to Matt and Gabby, silently looking for answers.
Without missing a beat, Matt chuckled, reaching out to rub over Gabby's arm as she stood in front of him. "That's me."
"It's nice to finally meet you, too. Gabby never stops talking about you." Jemma responded, Matt's tongue poking between his teeth as he raised his eyebrows.
"Is that so?" He asked teasingly, seeing Gabby's eyes avoid his gaze, embarrassment evident in her demeanor.
"Definitely. It's cute though." Jemma spoke, Kelly chuckling from his seat, Matt reaching out and pulling Gabby into his embrace.
"If it makes you feel any better, you're all I'm thinking about during work too, babe." He spoke quietly in her ear, placing a soft kiss to the side of her head. He watched a warm smile appear on her face before turning his attention back to the group, feeling Gabby lean her back into his chest.
"You want a drink Jemma?" Matt asked, rubbing his hand over Gabby's side.
"A beer is fine." She shrugged, Matt nodding before turning to Herrmann. The man still hadn't said much, his eyes trained on him and Gabby.
"Herrmann, can you get her a drink?" Matt prompted, snapping Herrmann from his headspace.
"Sure thing Captain."
"So, you all work at 51?" Jemma asked, recalling all the stories she'd heard from Gabby, happy to be able to finally put some faces to the names.
"That we do." Herrmann spoke as he slid her drink on the bar. "We're all firefighters, except Brett over there. She's one of our paramedics." Jemma nodded, looking towards the blonde who was already staring at her. Norris knew from Gabby's limited mention of the paramedic that her and Brett used to be partners. She didn't know what the story was there, Gabby rarely mentioning the woman except in passing. Smiling softly, Jemma broke the awkward stand off between the two of them, Brett reciprocating the action before moving her attention back down to her drink.
"So, Jemma," Kidd spoke, gaining the woman's attention, "how's it working with Dawson here?"
A genuine smile fell to the woman's face, no one missing it as Jemma glanced towards her partner. "It's been amazing, honestly. She's taught me so much already, I'm so lucky to get to learn from someone like her."
Matt grinned widely as he heard what Jemma had to say about Gabby, tightening his grip around her waist. He saw her head turn to the ground, clearly embarrassed by the praise given to her.
"Alright, enough of that." Gabby spoke, taking a sip of her drink. Herrmann chuckled, tossing the bar rag over his shoulder. "I haven't done much."
"Same old Dawson, never could take a compliment." Herrmann mused, before shifting his attention back to Jemma. "So how do you like the private ambulance business? Is that where you started as a paramedic?"
Jemma fell in easy conversation with Herrmann, the woman answering his questions as Matt shifted Gabby in his grip, moving her to standing in between his legs, her body resting against his thigh as they listened to the chatter around them. Kelly and Stella had joined in on the conversation, Jemma fitting in seamlessly with the group as they all talked together.
Throughout the conversation, Gabby had seemingly become lost in her own head, her only sense of her surroundings being the feeling of Matt's thumb moving softly back and forth over her stomach. She slowly stopped initiating topics of discussion and eventually stopped saying anything all together. Matt noticed her go completely quiet, knowing this was something that had happened a lot since she'd gotten back. It was like she would check out from everything around her, and Matt knew it often happened when something was weighing on her mind. When there was something she needed to talk about. He figured it was her way of readying herself for whatever was bothering her. But he knew it wasn't anything they could talk about right now, not at Molly's with everyone around them. Whatever it was, Matt knew she would come to him when she was ready.
Leaning his head forward slightly, he placed a soft kiss behind her ear, holding his lips to her head until she turned to look at him. Her eyes locked with his, an immediate grin present on her face. "You okay?" He whispered, partly because of their surroundings but also because she was already so close to him. Nodding slowly, she placed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth.
"I'm good." She assured him, moving her hand to rest on top of his over her stomach.
"Wow, two Dawsons tonight? What's the special occasion?" Herrmann teased, his words snapping Matt and Gabby from each other, Gabby looking to see Antonio walking towards them. Furrowing her eyebrows, she dropped her hand from Matt's, him following suit as she stepped away from him and walked towards her brother.
"Hey Antonio." She greeted, hugging him quickly before pulling away. "What are you doing here?" The last place she ever thought she'd seen Antonio was here at Molly's, knowing how he felt about everyone in this room.
"I stopped by the apartment, but you two weren't there. Figured this would be the next place to check." He informed her without really answering her question. Nodding slowly, she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to read his body language. "I need to talk to you." He spoke, Gabby tensing at the seriousness of his voice.
"Okay Tonio." She replied quietly, turning around to see Matt's worried eyes on her. She assumed he heard what Antonio had said, based on the frown covering his face. Clearing her throat, she took a few steps back towards the bar, feeling Antonio following her. "Uh Herrmann, can Antonio and I use the back room for a second?"
"Sure thing, kid." He complied immediately, Gabby nodding in thanks. "Hey there detective." The older man greeted, giving him a small smile.
"Hey Herrmann." Antonio spoke back, avoiding the stares of everyone else as he focused his attention back to Gabby.
"Go ahead, I'll be back there in a second." She told him, Antonio agreeing as he headed for the back of the bar. Gabby immediately sought out Matt's gaze again, finding him watching her closely. Without a word, Gabby nodded to the back, Matt understanding her silent request, pushing himself up off the bar stool.
"We'll be right back." Matt told the group, not waiting for any responses before he turned and started walking with Gabby towards stock room.
All five of them watched curiously as the couple walked away from them, seeing Matt place his hand softly on the small of her back. "Anyone have any guesses as to what that's about?" Kidd questioned, being met with shrugs and confused faces.
"Who was that?" Jemma asked curiously.
"Antonio Dawson, Gabby's brother. He's a detective over at the 21st district." Kelly told her, the woman nodding as her eyes went back towards her friend, watching Gabby and Matt until they disappeared behind the door.
Gabby walked in the room first, seeing Antonio leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, an unreadable expression covering his face. Gabby waited until the swinging door came to a stop, taking comfort in Matt standing by her side. "What's this about?"
"Your case." He replied, Gabby sucking in a deep breath.
"What's going on?" Matt asked for her, moving his hand slowly up and down Gabby's back, the motion keeping her calm.
"I got the final word from the cops in Puerto Rico, they're moving on from your investigation Gabby." He spoke regretfully. Matt's gaze moved to Gabby immediately, seeing her eyes fall closed, feeling her body go rigid under his touch. He knew this was a possibility, with Gabby not being able to go and make a positive ID it was their word against hers, and without a confession there wasn't much that could be done. He just didn't know how the news would affect her.
"So what does that mean?" Gabby asked him after a few moments of silence, even though all three of them knew exactly what it meant.
"It means they'll walk. They weren't able to get a confession. They tried everything they could, but with what they had, it wasn't enough to charge them. They weren't able to narrow down the three who attacked you, so they had to let them all go." Antonio relayed the information, Gabby nodding understandingly, subconsciously stepping closer to Matt. He moved his hand from her back to her waist, pulling her against him, hoping to give whatever comfort he could. "So your case will be left open, but for now, they're gonna stop investigating."
Gabby merely nodded, not knowing what to say as she tried to digest the news. Matt and Antonio both watched her worriedly, not wanting this news to cause her to have a set back. Unfortunately, neither man knew just how fragile she was right now.
"You know you're safe, right?" Matt asked her after she'd stayed quiet, placing a soft kiss to the side of her head. He didn't know what all was running through her mind, but he was sure whatever thoughts were bouncing around up there weren't good ones. "They can't get to you here."
"I know." She whispered, glancing up at him. Even though both of them knew he couldn't completely promise they wouldn't come searching for her, they knew the chances were slim. There was no reason to come after her, especially since she was never involved in the investigation. "It's not that, I just- all I had to do was go back there and they would've been sent to jail. Or I think they would've- I don't know." Her mind was racing as her hand came up to press against her temple. "Everything's a blur, I don't know if I could even pick them out of a lineup anymore, but I could've tried, I could've…" She cut off her rambling, her mind racing as she felt panic rise within her chest.
"This isn't on you." Antonio replied immediately, Matt nodding in agreement. "It's not up to you to solve this. You're the victim, Gabby." He reminded her softly, Gabby grimacing as that word left his lips. "It's not on you to fix this."
"Yeah, but I could've tried. And now what if someone else gets hurt because of me? What if they do something worse to someone else?" She questioned, the emotion in her voice betraying her.
"Hey, look at me." Matt called softly, hoping to calm her before she got any more upset. When she turned her head to look at him, he took a slow breath, watching her mimic his actions before he spoke. "You said you weren't able to go back there, that you couldn't do it. Is that still true?" He tried to reason, keeping his eyes locked on her as she thought over his words. After a few seconds she nodded slowly. "Okay, then that's the only thing that matters here. Like Antonio said, it's not your responsibility to fix this. This happened to you, you have nothing to feel guilty about Gabby." His voice was soft as he spoke, and he could only hope she at least tried to believe what he was saying.
"Matt's right." Antonio supplemented, taking a step towards his sister. "I know it's hard, I know you feel like this is your fault. But you can't live like that, Gabs." He told her, hoping he'd be able to help Matt get through to her. Antonio had a unique perspective in this, having spent his entire life helping victims. Usually, he'd be hoping for them to try and make an ID, or do anything they could to help put their abuser away. But this was different. This was his sister, he couldn't and wouldn't force her into doing something that might hurt her. She was openly admitting she couldn't go back there, there was no way he'd ever even try and convince her to. If the circumstances were different, and the awful men who did this to her were closer, then maybe he'd push harder for her to be more involved. But those men are thousands of miles away, and he wouldn't make her go back to that place. He was completely fine with whatever course of action she needed to take, she was his only concern now. "I just wanted you to know what was happening, I didn't want you in the dark about this. But it's over, Gabby. Even though they're not being put away, they can't get to you here." He assured her just as Matt had, Gabby nodding reluctantly.
"Okay." She responded softly, clearing her throat before speaking again. "Thank you, for telling me." Gabby slid out of Matt's hold, taking a step forward and hugging her brother, Antonio wrapping her up tightly in his embrace, holding onto her for a few extra seconds.
"Of course." He whispered against the side of her head, giving her a tight squeeze before pulling back. "I'm gonna head out of here, get back home." He told them, Matt nodding as Gabby came to stand back by his side. "Call me, if you need anything."
"I will."
"Thanks Antonio." Matt spoke, shaking the man's hand before he left through the door, leaving Matt and Gabby in there alone. He turned his body to face her completely, placing his hands on her forearms, rubbing softly over the material covering her skin. "Do you want to go home?" He figured that was the best place to start. To his surprise, she softly shook her head, placing her hand on his waist under his jacket. "You sure?" He checked again, Gabby meekly nodding before she slid her hand around to his back, using it to push them closer together, hugging herself to him. Matt moved his hands to wrap around her, holding her body to his as he felt her other hand move under his jacket to connect with the one behind his back.
"I'm okay, I just need a second." She told him quietly, her face buried in his neck. He accepted her words, holding onto her as tight as he could, sensing that was all she needed from him right now. "I just- I wasn't expecting that." She eventually murmured, her voice breaking the silence they had settled in, her head never leaving his chest. "I knew it was a long shot, getting them to confess. But I guess I hoped one of them would. That maybe they'd feel some remorse for what they did to me." She whispered, Matt frowning as he listened to her words. Before he could respond, she pulled her head from him, keeping her arms wrapped around him as she moved back just enough to see his face. "You're sure I'm not doing the wrong thing here?"
"There's not a wrong thing for you to do." He spoke quickly, not liking how unsure she sounded. "I can't begin to understand how you feel right now, but all I do know is that the only right way to handle this is doing what's best for you." Matt's voice was soft but strong as he locked eyes with her. Nodding slowly, Gabby placed her head back to his chest, relishing in the comfort of his embrace. Matt's hands moved up and down slowly over her back, holding onto her until she was the one to break the contact a few minutes later. She pulled from him completely, Matt moving to brush her hair behind her ear, keeping his hand on her cheek as his thumb moved softly over her skin. "One more time," he started softly, "are you sure you're okay to stay? We can leave right now if you'd rather just go home."
"I'm okay, Matt. I want to stay." She assured him. "Jemma came all the way here, and I want you two to get to know each other better. The second I feel like I need to leave, I'll let you know."
"Alright." He agreed, Gabby leaning forward to kiss him gently before grabbing his hand and leading him out of the room. Matt saw the crowd had thinned out slightly while they were back there, but the same crew from 51 was still stationed at the bar, Jemma having taken up a spot at one of the tables. Matt wasn't surprised to see Gabby head for her new friend, him following in tow.
"Hey Jemma." Gabby greeted, sitting on the opposite side of the table. "Sorry about that." Jemma waved her off, giving her a small smile.
"It's fine, seemed important. Herrmann said that was your brother?"
"Yeah, that was Antonio. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce you. I'll have him stop by the station some time."
Understanding that whatever had just been discussed wasn't something Gabby wanted to talk about, Jemma nodded, flashing a bright smile. "Yeah, I'd like to officially meet him."
"I'm gonna go grab our drinks from the bar, I'll be right back." Matt interrupted when there was a slight break in the conversation, Gabby nodding before turning her attention back to her friend. Casey walked the short path towards his friends, Herrmann watching him as he approached them.
"Everything good, Casey?" He asked, effectively stopping the rest of the conversations happening around them. Matt felt multiple pairs of eyes on him, waiting for his answer.
"Everything's fine, Herrmann." Matt spoke vaguely, grabbing his and Gabby's glasses, intent on heading back towards his girl. His movement was stopped when Herrmann reached out for his arm, Matt glancing towards his friend with raised eyebrows. "Yes?"
"The, uh-" Herrmann cleared his throat, "husband? Did I miss something? When did you two-" Matt shook his head, effectively cutting off the man's sentence.
Glancing around, he saw Kidd, Severide, and Brett all staring at him, clearly wanting answers as well. Blowing out breath, Matt shook his head, tightening his grip on the glasses in his hands. "You all didn't miss anything. We didn't get married, it's just easier than explaining everything to her coworkers." Matt replied, not waiting for any more questions before he walked back towards Gabby. He knew they probably wouldn't understand it, but they didn't need to.
Getting back to the table, Matt placed the drinks down in front of Gabby before taking a seat next to her, not wanting to interrupt the middle of their conversation. He felt Gabby place her hand on his thigh, Matt flashing her a smile before she focused back on Jemma, running her thumb slowly over his leg.
Matt didn't have too much to contribute to their current topic of discussion, but he didn't mind quietly sitting here. It gave him a chance to look at Gabby, a small smile resting on his face as he saw how carefree she looked. He was surprised to see her so at ease, considering the conversation they'd just had with Antonio, but it made him happy to know she was enjoying her time right now. From their many talks about work, he knew how much she enjoyed working with Jemma, and how close the two were becoming. Gabby had admitted to him how easy she found their friendship, saying that she felt no pressure with her new partner. There was no history there, no wounds that needed to be healed from her abrupt departure in the early summer. There was nothing that had to be repaired between them before they could be friends, and he knew Gabby felt comfortable in her new friendship with Jemma. He was just so thankful she had found such a quick friend at work, and that things were going smoothly. The last thing he wanted was for work to become a place that burdened her.
Matt had been focused on Gabby, not saying much during the conversation, until a few unexpected words came from Jemma's mouth.
"Oh, I meant to ask you. Are you feeling better, Gabby?"
Matt furrowed his eyebrows, feeling Gabby's body tense beside him as he glanced between the women. "Feeling better?" He immediately questioned, Jemma catching his surprised tone immediately. He saw the woman flash Gabby an apologetic look, clearly knowing something he didn't. Gabby turned to face him, a look of regret shining in her eyes. "Are you okay? Did something happen at work?" His worry went on overdrive, never knowing what to expect these days when it came to Gabby. He was worried about her all the time, and now it seemed he had another reason to be.
"I'm okay, nothing happened really." She tried to lessen his concern, but his face held the same amount of distress as it had moments ago. "I had a... moment, I guess, at work today. But I'm fine. I was gonna tell you tonight." She assured him, Matt's frowning deepening.
"Moment? What does that mean?"
"Can we, uh- can we talk about this at home?" She asked with pleading eyes, Matt's face softening slightly at her request. Logically he knew this wasn't the place to have a real discussion about whatever had happened, but he couldn't stop the fear pulsing through his veins of something being wrong and her not telling him. "Please?" Her voice came out barely above a whisper, asking him again after he hadn't responded. Nodding slowly, he forced a small smile on his face.
"Yeah, that's fine."
Gabby nodded at him appreciatively, moving her hand from his thigh to grab ahold of his, squeezing it tightly before looking back to Jemma, expertly changing the subject.
Matt sat on the bed in their room, perched up against the pillows as he waited for Gabby to leave the bathroom. There had been an uncomfortable feeling in the air around them ever since Jemma brought up what happened at work, neither of them knowing how to act since it wasn't something they couldn't talk about at that moment. While they were still at the bar, Matt stayed rooted in his spot next to Gabby, but he let her field most of the questions Jemma had. The girl was curious, wanting to know all about them and their relationship, to which Matt let Gabby take the lead. He'd answer when he felt he needed to, or when he hadn't spoken in awhile, but he mostly focused on the endless possibilities of what could have happened to Gabby. And why she hadn't told him.
After they left Molly's, the car ride home wasn't much better. Matt had driven them home in relative silence, neither knowing what to say. Gabby didn't want to have this discussion outside of the privacy of their home, and although Matt didn't know what was going on, he also didn't want to have whatever conversation was coming in the truck. So their drive ended up being done quietly, a somewhat tense air filling the small space.
When they got home, the two went about their routine getting ready for bed, Matt now waiting for Gabby to finish hers as he sat patiently. He wasn't mad about her not telling him. He believed her when she said she planned on telling him after their night out. But he was worried. Had something happened with a patient? Had she been sick? Did it have something to do with what happened in Puerto Rico? Did something happen with one of her coworkers? The possibilities were swimming around in his head, his thoughts becoming bleaker by the minute. He knew she was fine, at least physically. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something seriously troublesome was going on with her.
Matt broke from his thoughts as he saw her exit the bathroom, turning the light off as she went. Her hair was resting down over her shoulders, her body covered by an old sweatshirt of his from the academy, and a pair of small shorts he hadn't seen in awhile. But what caught his attention about her appearance was the uneasiness he saw across her face. Something was seriously bothering her, and the more time Matt spent not knowing what it was, the more on edge he felt.
She surprised Matt by coming to sit on his side of the bed, Gabby sitting close to him, her body facing his as her side rested against his legs. She aimlessly reached out for his hand, Matt giving it willingly as he saw more and more tension rise in her body.
"What's going on Gabby?" He finally asked, keeping his voice soft. Matt kept his eyes glued to her, seeing her inhale deeply, taking a moment to gather herself before opening up to him.
"Today at work, I was in the garage with Jemma. We were heading inside, but then one of the other paramedics, he was backing in the rig and he accidentally scraped it up against the side of the garage." Matt's eyebrows furrowed as he listened to her speak, having no clue as to where this was going. "It made a really loud noise, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground." His confusion deepened as he did his best to follow her, trying to understand what she was saying. "I don't know what happened, but it was like my mind told me I was in danger. The noise, it wasn't something I was expecting, and it made me panic." She continued, hoping she was explaining herself well enough that he understood what she was trying to say. "It was like I had no control over what my body did. One second everything was fine, then the next it was like my head thought I was in danger, and it was getting hard to breathe, and I was trying to hide from whatever my mind thought was gonna hurt me."
A deep frown formed across Matt's face as her words sunk in, pain filling his heart as he listened to her speak. He was able to hear how upset she was because of this, it was evident in her voice. Tears slowly began filling his eyes as he watched her, Matt only able to imagine how scared she must be because of this.
"It sounds like you had a panic attack, Gabby." He finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Something along those lines, yeah."
"Was that the first time it's happened?" He questioned, Gabby's eyes darting down to their conjoined hands resting on the bedspread. "...Gabby?"
"It happened once before." She admitted quietly, Matt barely able to hear her. His eyes narrowed in confusion, so many questions filling his head as her words sunk in.
"When?" He asked cautiously.
She stayed quiet for a moment, Matt waiting patiently for her to tell him. "The day we got my car."
"Gabby…" He breathed out, shock, confusion, and concern only a few of the many emotions flooding his body.
"I'm sorry." She responded immediately, sniffling before continuing on. "I should've told you when it happened." Matt's mind raced back to that day, remembering how he found her on the ground. When she said she'd slipped. Clearly, there was more to that story than she ever let on.
"What happened?" He needed to know, he knew he did. But he didn't know what to expect. The state he found her in that day already told him whatever she had experienced while he was inside couldn't have been anything good.
"I was fine. I felt fine. You just went inside, and everything was okay. But then it was like- suddenly it wasn't. I felt vulnerable, and I knew I was alone and it scared me. And there were all these noises happening and it was stressing me out. And then it was kind of like what happened today. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I fell to the ground, but-" She cut herself off, Matt's tear filled eyes waiting for her to finish her thought. When she didn't, he knew she needed a little prompting.
"But what, Gabby?"
"It was like I wasn't in Chicago anymore." She whispered, the pain written on Matt's face morphing into confusion. "I was back in Puerto Rico, and I was seeing flashes of that night." She stumbled over her words, her voice shaking as she spoke. "It was like the entire thing was playing over in my head, and I couldn't make it stop." It was as if Matt could feel his heart breaking in his chest, an unsettling feeling flooding his system as the extent of what she experienced hit him like a ton of bricks. "I had to put snow on my face to get it to stop. It was the only thing that snapped me out of it. And then it was just… over."
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked after a beat of silence, needing the moment to absorb everything he'd just learned. His words weren't accusatory, they were filled with nothing but pain.
"I don't know. I wanted to. I kept trying to bring myself to tell you, but then other things just kept coming up…" She trailed off.
"Nothing is as important as this, Gabby."
"I know. I know, I just-" She sucked in a sharp breath, willing herself to stay calm. "I feel so weak, Matt." She admitted, her voice tired. Tears brimmed his eyes as the words left her lips, his worry for her only growing. "I don't know why this is still affecting me, it shouldn't be." Her words were turning angry as spoke, Gabby clearly upset by the conflicting feelings in her head. "I should be over this by now."
"You went through something awful." Matt spoke immediately, his voice wavering as emotion ran through him. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. "There's no schedule for how quickly you have to get over something like this."
"But I was fine." She nearly cried, unable to hide her frustration at the situation. "After it happened, I was fine. But now, it's like- I don't know, I don't know why I'm suddenly being affected by it. I was okay after it happened, why aren't I now?" She was searching for answers, and Matt didn't have them. He didn't know what to tell her, because he didn't know.
"You had to process everything, Gabby." He spoke, hoping anything he was saying could help her. "I wish I could fix this, I wish I could make this all go away but I can't." Matt whispered, his voice cracking. "I think you need to talk to someone. Especially after what happened at work, and then with what Antonio told us, I think you need help. To be able to work through all this, and get past it." He spoke cautiously, not wanting to push her but he couldn't bear the thought of her living like this any longer. She'd already been hiding her pain from him for so long, he needed to do whatever he could to help her.
"I just want you to be okay." He spoke quietly after she'd remained silent, praying his words weren't making things worse. "God baby, I wish I knew what to do to help you. I would do anything to fix this, but all I know to do is be there for you." Matt watched her closely, seeing her eyes fixed on him, but she hadn't said anything yet. She hadn't given him any sign to her acknowledging his words.
"I know you're scared," Matt started, seeing her bottom lip begin to quiver. "But it'll all be alright, I promise you." Gabby finally nodded, silently agreeing with what he was saying. Not able to find the right words to say, she moved to lay down beside him, Gabby attaching herself to his side as she lay on the edge of the bed. Matt immediately took her into his arms, holding onto her for dear life as varying emotions flooded his system.
"We're gonna get you help, Gabby... Everything's gonna be okay."
Well this one was kind of heavy, but I hope you all enjoyed it!
Some of you have brought it up in your reviews, but I know there's still one, very big, issue Matt and Gabby haven't talked about yet. Trust me when I say that is coming. It's definitely not something that can just be glossed over and fixed in one conversation. Believe me, Matt and Gabby are going to deal with it.
I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading!