Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII belongs to Squaresoft/Square-Enix. Tweety, Bugs Bunny and Donald Duck belong to their rightful owners. Me no own, you no sue.
A/N: Har! I'm back! Sorry if it took quite a while to get this chapter done; the lack of reviews in the first couple of days sort of de-inspired me. But worry not! Have no fear, chapter 2 is here! XD And thank you very much for those who reviewed! You people are my source of inspiration! My elixir of life! My um-, ok, I'll stop. Here's the second and final chapter. Enjoy!
Warnings: Again, slight crack. Hope it's not too much OOC-ness.
Of Cheesy Dialogues and Bullshit Clichés
Chapter Two: Of Bullshit Clichés
Tifa sighed for the umpteenth time that day as she begun the tedious work of wiping the countertops. The past week had gone by without a hitch – and that was what worried her. Since the eventful night exactly seven days ago, she had not seen Reno, which would explain the smooth sailing of her business. Trust Reno to muddle things up and mess with her brains.
Right now though, she was confused. Something was amiss, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it – or perhaps, she just didn't want to, knowing already the answer and denying it.
She let out another sigh, and wearily glanced at the clock on the wall. 11:46. In less than fifteen minutes, she would have to close the bar. Finding her voice, she announced it to the only customer left in the lonely bar. She received a slurred statement of something between 'ok' and 'oomph' as an answer. She sighed again. She seemed to be doing a lot of sighing lately, she mused to herself. It was all his fault. Unconsciously, her mind drifted back to him.
He always came to the bar for a drink, every night, at 11:50 PM sharp. Always. From his very first day to that day a week ago.And because of his punctuality and consistency, she always waited up for him, even when the last of her customers had filtered through the door an hour before. Funny that. Sometimes he would find her sleeping, head on the countertop with an exhausted expression on her face. No matter how tired she was, she would wait. And no matter how great or shitty his day was, he would come. It had become a routine; one that they both stuck to for so long…and one that she would stick to.
Today was no exception. She slumped onto one of the stools, and her head dropped onto the counter. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the last customer getting up to leave. She grunted, and shifted her position to glance at the clock. 11:48. Two minutes, she'd give him that, she decided. Meanwhile… Her consciousness slipped. Her mind wandered. And her eyes slid shut.
He was skipping. He couldn't believe it himself. But he was. Skipping along his merry way, and humming a tune to himself. Ooh, what would Elena, Rude and Tseng think of him now...? He grinned. His life was currently full of sunshine and butterflies and rainbows. His mind was alert, and adrenaline began pumping itself into his system as he felt the excitement drew near. He smirked. And there it was; the bar. Nope, it wasn't just any old bar, it was THE bar. He glanced at his watch. 11: 49 PM. Perfect.
Destination: Reached.
Copy that.
If he was anyone but Reno, the redhead would've giggled to himself right at this very moment, but, as fate would have it, he was Reno. Thus he didn't. Instead, a confident smirk found its way onto his face, and he strode briskly across the street. A second glance at his watch told him that he was right on time.
Ting!
The bell in the bar went off with a somewhat muted and demented sound as the door opened, and taking it as his cue, he stepped in.
Tifa jerked awake, slightly annoyed at the fact that her two minute nap had been interrupted. Groggily, her mind slid back to her state of consciousness. Two minutes… She straightened up sharply in her chair. Automatically, her eyes wandered to the door. No one there.
Shit.
She swore she heard the bell go. Was she really that tired to start hearing things? Idiot. She scolded herself for letting false hope take over her. She was over hope a long time ago, and preferred to keep far, far away from it. She groaned, and turned around…only to be met by a pair of twinkling green eyes, mischief dancing playfully in them.
She tried very, very hard not to fall back onto the floor in surprise, and resisted the ever-tempting urge to slap his handsome face.
"Reno!"
He grinned mischievously. Somehow, his whole persona seemed to be radiating with mischief. Trusting her instincts, Tifa asked the first question that popped into her head: "What are you up to?"
Her tone was filled with demanding suspicion, and she had not bothered to conceal it. Immediately, Reno feint hurt – something he believed he was very talented at.
"That's not a very nice way to greet a man who deserves high respect."
Tifa snorted. "You're up to something. I can literally smell the mischief in the air," she said, narrowing her eyes in further interrogation.
"I'm not up to anything, I swear," his innocent tone not deceiving her.
"Your fingers are crossed."
"Err, nothing bad that is."
"Really," she stated dryly.
"Really." And with that, he quickly changed the subject. "You didn't miss me? I was gone for a whole week and you didn't miss me? I thought the first thing you'd do when you see me is throw yourself on me." His tone was obnoxious, clearly very Reno.
She glared at him. "Where were you? You made me wait up every friggin night. You could've at least told me if you weren't gonna come. But nooo… No calls, no nothing. The first thing I should've done when you set foot on this bar is to give you a good beating." She was clearly pissed.
At the mention of a beating, Reno inwardly cringed, but didn't let it show. "You…waited for me?" he asked uncertainly, as if he was sure he had heard the wrong thing.
Tifa hesitated at his tone. "Well, yeah…"
The mischievous grin had found its way back onto his face. "Missed me, did ya?"
Tifa raised an eyebrow, and her hand made a dangerous move to aim for his head, but Reno hastily stepped back, both hands raised in the air in defence.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…!"
She narrowed her eyes, and the accusing tone was back. "So where were you?" she hissed.
"I have a perfectly legible and true excuse."
She silently prompted him to go on.
"Whatever I'm gonna say, I'm being completely honest, I swear."
The look on her face was one of impatience. The look on his face was one of obvious discomfort. The conversation wasn't supposed to sway in this direction. He inwardly groaned. Why did he not anticipate this coming?
Slick move, Mr. Smooth. And I thought your plan was flawless?
Reno's counterpart mind didn't have time to retort. To the great disconcertion of the redhead, Tifa made a move to crack her fists.
Taking the hint, he finally stated, "I went to Mideel."
"What for?"
"Uhh… Business?"
What a convincing tone, Tifa thought mildly. "Oh?" she asked, deciding to play along for the moment. "What kind of business?"
"Oh… You know, the usual stuff," he said in a lame attempt of a casual tone.
Tifa shot him a silent look, prodding him to elaborate.
"Umm… The kinds of business that involves fancy suits and briefcases?"
He was a horrible liar. A horrible, horrible liar. Not entirely buying it, she said, "You obviously have very little knowledge in the business department, that's for sure."
"H-hey! But businessmen do wear those fancy suits, don't they? The one with those shirts tucked in, and those ridiculously embarrassing ties and polished, shiny, clean shoes that make you wanna smear dirt all over them and-"
Tifa stared him into shutting up, all the while thinking that the guy must have some sort of hygienic (or lack thereof) problem.
"Confess."
Reno grumbled under his breath, and looked down to his shoes (which was not polished or shiny in any sense, by the way).
"Didn't catch that, sorry," she chirped cheerfully.
He mumbled something else.
She proceeded to talk in a very high volume of noise. "WHAT? RENO? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"ARGH! I had to go and visit my grandma, alright? Her cat Tweety died and she wanted me to attend its friggin funeral!"
"…"
"…"
"What kind of woman – no, person – would name their cat Tweety?"
"…Look, I know it's not the most original way to name a cat after a bird, but-"
But she didn't seem to have paid any attention to his last statement. "Tweety has got to be the most annoying cartoon character in the history of cartoons!"
He immediately took the insult. "Hey! Tweety is cool! Don't bag Tweety!"
"It's yellow!"
"So? Yellow is like, the new black!"
"It has a quacky, super annoying voice! It's even worse than Bugs Bunny or Donald Duck or any other cartoon characters! Anything with that kind of voice deserves to die!"
"It's not an 'it'!"
"…"
"And Tweety doesn't quack! Tweety's a warbler!"
"It's a bloody canary!"
"Yeah, well, newsflash for you, Miss-I-know-all-about-Tweety-but-is-still-dentying-its-coolness, CANARIES DON'T QUACK EITHER!"
He shouted the last bit with such conviction and passion that the thought 'he must've had a deranged, Tweety-filled childhood' did not go disregarded by her.
Tifa stared.
And stared.
And stared.
"DON'T STARE AT ME LIKE THAT!"
She didn't listen to him. "Why," she said slowly, "are you so obsessed with Tweety?"
"Don't bag my obsession!"
"It's unhealthy. And why is your grandma's cat called Tweety? Don't tell me you named it."
"…I didn't. Why would I want to name that bloody, brutal, evil, satanic, demonic man-eating devil?"
Ohkay… Tifa thought. So he has some affection problems with the cat.
"So why is it called Tweety?"
Reno looked at her for a moment. His eyes looked almost watery, as if he was on the verge of tears, and Tifa snorted mentally.
"Well?" she asked.
"Because it ate my bird, Tweety!"
She couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. She knew she really should be sympathetic to this, er- man about this er- unfortunate event, yet she couldn't bring herself to stop the laughter.
"Don't laugh! Tweety died a heroic death!"
She kept laughing, clutching her stomach in pain. "Heroic? As in getting eaten by a 'man-eating' cat?" Oh, the giggles.
"Heroic as in the stupid cat went after me and Tweety swooped in just in time to stop it!"
She almost choked on her words because of laughing so much. "So, to prevent the cat eating you, your bird decided to swoop into its mouth and get itself eaten instead?" A new fit of laughter burst out.
"Oh…" he said darkly. "You're just as bad as my grandma!"
"Why?" she asked innocently.
"Because she named the bloody cat after my bird to constantly remind me of my survivor's guilt!"
"Oh, no, Reno…" she said quite seriously. "There, there, I'm sure she only wanted to commemorate Tweety's heroic bravery."
Too bad she couldn't keep a straight face.
He glared at her, while she giggled even more. "You evil, Tweety-hating woman."
She grinned. "Cheers."
"Why do you hate Tweety so much?"
She shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. It's just annoying. You know, the voice." She proceeded to mimic it. "'I tawt I taw a puddy tat!'"
This time it was Reno's turn to laugh.
"Hey! It's not that funny!"
He didn't stop. "No, it's not, but since it's you, it becomes an entirely different story." He chuckled. "Who knew the great Tifa Lockheart harboured secret loathing towards soap operas and Tweety?"
"And who knew the great Reno of the Turks harboured a secret vengeance towards his grandmother's cat named Tweety?" she retorted.
"Oh, shut up."
She grinned. "Why didn't you tell me you were going away then?"
"I wasn't supposed to tell you. It wasn't part of the scheme of upholding my dignity."
"But you did."
"I know."
"It wasn't easy getting the information out of you, though. You couldn't save me all the trouble and just say it?"
"NO!"
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Why?"
"Because."
"WHY?"
"Just because."
Gawd, he was so stubborn. Tifa pouted. "Fine then, don't tell me," she huffed, then turned away from him.
Reno watched her retreating back, and with a grin, he replied all too happily, "Fine then, I won't."
She huffed again, then half-heartedly stomped to the counter, grabbed a random glass from the countertop, and started wiping it furiously, as if trying to scrub the poor glass to pieces.
She was sulking.
If it had been any other person but her, the statement above would be perfectly plausible. But alas, it was Tifa Lockheart. THE Tifa Lockheart. The very same one that could kick any guy's ass any day without so much as a glove, the one that had put up with a certain clueless blonde with gravity-defying hair, a black man with a gun for an arm and an anger management issue, a hyperactive, obnoxious, kleptomaniac of a ninja, a constantly smoking pilot whose entire vocabularyconsisted of colourful swearing, a vampire, a talking robotic cat, a talking dog-like creature who was 6 years younger than her yet had an IQ 100 above hers, and goodness knows what else. Oh, and she managed to save the world too.
Tifa Lockheart does not sulk.
Yet, despite all this, she was sulking. Honestly, the things she does when he's around. She had stooped lower than the lowest by being so immature. Hypocrite, really, she thought, as she used to think of herself as one of mature disposition.
And while Tifa was having a mental debate with herself, Reno had seated himself on the bar stool, currently spinning around and grinning goofily to himself. He was inwardly wondering about her sudden mood change. Was she still having her period…?
After a few seconds of non-stop spinning, he said, still grinning, "Forgive me?"
Tifa glared at him. "For what? A) For naming your bird Tweety? B) For not telling me that you went to Mideel for a whole week to attend Tweety's funeral? Or C) For being an ass?"
"Umm, strictly B) and C). I'm sorry?"
Tifa 'hmph'ed again, and stuck out her tongue childishly.
"Okay, then. Time for plan B. Bribes?"
She smirked. "Anything over 50,000 gil is tax deductible."
"Hey! I'm not that rich!"
"Well then, too bad. You can forget about redemption."
…And he was behind her in less than a second. She turned around, surprised, and opened her mouth to say something, only to have his hand clamped over it. His raised his other hand and put a finger to his mouth, requesting silence.
Tifa raised an eyebrow in suspicion.
His voice was lowered to a husky baritone. "You don't have to say anything… I understand it all now… Everything was just a stupid mistake. I'm so sorry…"
If Tifa's mouth wasn't covered by his hand, it would've been hanging open. The nerve of him…!
"I'm so sorry for everything…everything. Can you forgive me?"
Cheesy, his inner self commented.
Perfect.
At this moment, he lifted his hand from her mouth. His arms immediately made an automatic movement to encircle her waist. Tifa, however, was far too occupied to be bothered by the close proximity. She narrowed her eyes at him, but he only gazed back at her. The look in his eyes was almost sincere it was comical.
Then she smirked. He wanted to act, huh? Fine then, she'll let him have his way, but not without her.
She draped her arms around his neck, and pulled closer into his embrace. One hand started caressing his cheek tenderly, and she spoke softly, "Oh Reno! Of course! And I'm sorry myself, I should have never-"
"Hush now… I know."
Tifa realized that this was the part where she was supposed to burst into tears in all the melodrama, but the thought alone sickened her. Instead, she continued caressing his cheek slowly, mischief bubbling inside her mind.
"Reno…"
The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine, and he found himself momentarily panicking.
This isn't in the script!
Hell no! Improvise!
Then, slowly, Tifa began to lean into him. Her face was merely millimeters away from his, and he shut his eyes instinctively, feeling his legs go all wobbly, butterflies experimenting with fireworks in his stomach. Oh yes, the rumours going around about him being a charming ladykiller was false, false, false.
Tifa, however, had an entirely different plan. As soon as she saw him close his eyes, she drew her hand away from his cheek, and in one, swift, painful (for him at least) movement, she gave him an uppercut to the jaw.
OW!
OW!
When Reno's two supposedly opposite minds agree on something, then the conclusion is absolute.
"OW!"
She snickered.
"What was that for?"
"Well, to obtain forgiveness, one must give up something. Consider that as your sacrifice."
The smirk playing on her lips was so irritating, infuriating and annoying that Reno just had to wipe it off her pretty face.
Oh! I have a half-mind to-
I have a half-mind to-
Half and half make one.
Let's do it!
And he did. Before Tifa knew what had hit her, Reno's lips were already on hers. If the redhead wasn't too busy kissing her, he would've smirked in triumph.
Once they pulled apart, Reno took his chance to say something first. "I brought you something from Mideel." His facial expression was serious, indicating that he wasn't joking, but his tone was light.
Tifa was blushing a thousand shades of red. "Umm, I-I-" she stammered. But was cut off again by another kiss. Reno never had been good at listening.
Ah, screw it, she thought, as all rational thought were driven out of her mind. Somehow, with Reno, she always went against her common sense, always stepping over her boundaries. He drove her insane, making her feel all those emotions she thought she had left dead, playing with her head and screwing with her thoughts, and she loved it.
She didn't hesitate, she didn't think, she didn't stop. She was usually the patient one, analysing before jumping into something, but ever since he had walked into her life, he had messed up the order by which she lived her life by. At first it was frustrating, then it was infuriating, gradually she found it to be exciting, and now she found it satisfying.
She felt free.
…Besides, he was a good kisser, she thought. No, wait, correction: he was a damn good kisser.
They broke apart once more, and gasping for air, Tifa saw that the look in his eyes was dead serious. He wasn't playing anymore, and neither was she. She leaned in once more, this time without the intent of hurting him (at least, not intentionally), and kissed him back.
Thus the story ends. They walked hand in hand into the beautiful, red sunset backdrop (even though it was some time in the early morning) with big smiles plastered onto their faces.
And they lived happily ever after…
…One make-out session later…
"You got me LINGERIE!"
"My grandma wanted to give you something from her shop!"
"And the yellow, Tweety-printed bikini!"
"You'll look sexy with Tweety on your ass!"
Yelp. Shriek. Squeal.
…
…Or maybe not.
A/N: ...Yes, Reno's grandmother owns a lingerie shop. XD That was so random on my part. I just added it in at the last minute when I was proofreading it. And in case you forgot, their last few lines were taken exactly from the soapy from last chapter. Cliché. XD Anyway, did you like it? Tell me, tell me, TELL ME! Leave a review, so the authoress (namely yours truly) may be able to improve her writing based on your feedback. It helps. A lot. So pwease? Okay, I won't beg anymore, in case it's getting annoying. But I hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed thinking up of all the random things. THANK YOU!