Hello hello! Here's another chapter for you all.
The reactions to the last chapter were about half and half on Gabby potentially going back to 51, which is what I expected. Some of you were super excited, others not so much. But just bear with me. I have a feeling that you all will be satisfied with what happens, or at least I'm hoping you will be.
But I am a little nervous about this chapter, so I hope you like it. Enjoy.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Matt laid quietly in bed, the room bathed in darkness as he felt the woman next to him breathing steadily. His arm was wrapped firmly around her waist, his hand having slipped under his shirt that she wore to bed sometime during the night, his palm cradling her stomach. Her back was pressed against his chest, her hand clasped in his free one that was poking out under her pillow. He didn't remember falling asleep like this, but when he'd woken up a while ago and found her resting in his arms, he was too comfortable to move. And the last thing he wanted to do was risk waking her up before it was necessary.
When Matt first woke up about an hour ago, he'd tried his hardest to fall back asleep, but he couldn't. His brain was forcing him into consciousness, not letting sleep overtake him as his mind ran rampant.
Today they were both back on shift, Matt going to 51 while Gabby would be reporting to the SAS for the first time since they broke the news of her new schedule over a week ago. Admittedly, Casey was a little anxious to have her go back there. He knew she was more than capable of doing her job, with the extra help, but a part of him was nervous at the idea of her going back there after what they'd done to her.
But he knew her continuing to work there wasn't his choice. It was solely her decision, one she had yet to make.
Gabby hadn't been able to come to a decision over her future. Every time Matt felt like they were getting close, she'd step back and they ended up right where they started. He was trying not to push her, this wasn't something to take lightly and he wanted her to be sure, but what Boden had managed to get headquarters to agree to was nothing short of astounding. And despite what the Chief had said about Gabby taking her time, Matt didn't want this opportunity to fall through the cracks.
"There's a job for you here back on ambo, if you want it."
"Oh, wow." Gabby breathed out in surprise, glancing towards Matt, the man wearing a relieved smile.
"I have all the paperwork here, ready to get started, if this is what you want." She gave him a slight nod in understanding, biting on her bottom lip roughly as he continued. "You would be a full-time paramedic on 61 until your maternity leave. I explained the situation and what happened over at the SAS, reminded them that you were our PIC here for years. And I also made a point to refresh their memories of how the only reason you weren't still working here is because you left to do relief work, something that Chief Hatcher had requested you to do." He spoke, the man wearing a proud smile.
Gabby was in shock, to say the least. Despite her belief in Boden, knowing the man was always true to his word, she also knew this entire thing was out of his control. So for him to be able to get the higher-ups to agree with this, in less than a day no less, was essentially a miracle.
But now she was stuck on the same reservations she had when she got here. She wasn't sure if she wanted this job, or if everyone would want her to come back. There were too many variables to consider, and it made her head spin.
"Now, the status of your position here is still unclear for after you have the baby. I wasn't sure if being back here permanently was something you were wanting. I know you love your work at the SAS, and I didn't want to tell them you'd be back indefinitely if those weren't your plans. So, as of now, you're only on this job until your maternity leave. But I know if you do want to come back for good, we'd figure something out."
Gabby merely nodded again, fiddling with her hands in her lap as she thought over Boden's words. When Matt had suggested her to come back to work here, part of her didn't even think it would be a possibility. She had convinced herself it wasn't an option, so she told him yes. But now it was an option, it was seemingly her best option. And she was scared. She was nervous to come back here after everything that happened, and despite Matt doing his best to lessen those fears, she was still worried. She didn't know if this was something she could do.
"What do you think, Gabby?" Matt's voice broke through her trance, turning her head to find him watching her closely. The smile that had been on his face when they first got the news was long gone, his excitement fading pretty quickly once he saw the apprehension in her demeanor.
"I… I don't know, honestly I wasn't expecting there to be a job for me here." She stuttered out, Matt reaching over to grab her hand, Gabby holding onto it tightly as they rested in her lap.
"When do they need to know?" Matt questioned, knowing Gabby was in no position to give him a firm answer right now.
"You have time to decide, Dawson. It's already been approved, but that doesn't mean you have to rush this decision. You don't even have to take the position if you don't want to, but it is an option."
Nodding slowly, she turned back to Matt, her hesitant eyes locking with eyes, the man able to read her with one look.
"We're gonna need some time." Casey spoke, giving her hand a supportive squeeze as he turned back to Boden, Gabby nodding in agreement.
"It's a big decision." She spoke up, grazing her teeth over her bottom lip. "I appreciate you doing this for me, you didn't have to do that. But I can't just jump into this, I need time to figure out what I want to do."
"That's fine, Dawson. Take all the time you need. I, of course, would love for you to come back. Everyone would. But this is your choice. Just let me know what you decide."
"I will, Chief. Thank you." She murmured, dropping Matt's hand as they both stood up, taking their cue to leave. With a final wave goodbye, Gabby exited the office, Matt following close behind her as they walked towards the hallway.
"So, no pressure," Matt spoke, stopping his steps as they got to the empty hallway, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear, "but do you know which way you're leaning?"
"Truthfully?" She questioned, Matt giving her a reassuring nod. "No, I don't. I know this would be the best thing for us, financially. And also for you and I. Being back on the same shift again, like we used to, that would be great." She mused, Matt showing a content smile. "But I'm not sure what I want to do here."
"There's no rush. Like I told you, whatever you end up choosing to do, we'll be fine. You don't even have to choose the SAS, or 51. You could do something completely different. As long as you're happy and healthy, that is all that's important." He responded, running his thumb over her cheek gently. "As much as I would love to work with you again, I'd never ask you to say yes to this just for me. I want you to be sure of your decision, that it's what's best for you. This isn't about what I want, or what Boden wants. This is about you." Matt reminded her, his grin widening as he saw her gentle smile. "Whatever you decide to do, you have my full support, babe."
Nodding softly, she turned her head to kiss the inside of his palm, bringing her hand up to grasp his wrist.
"No one can make this decision but you. But I'm right here if you need a little help." He assured her.
"I know. We'll talk tomorrow once you get home, this isn't really something we can discuss here…"
Matt nodded, pulling her into his arms, feeling her relax into him. "We'll do that. Maybe if you sleep on it, it'll help clear some things up. But as soon as I'm home, we'll talk it out."
And they had talked about it. At length, over many days. But Gabby had still not been able to come to a decision. They weighed the pros and cons of her options, but it always came back to the same thing; Gabby had to make this decision on her own. He wouldn't choose for her, and even though he'd love for her to be back at 51 with him, it wasn't his decision. All he could do was support her with whatever choice she made.
Feeling her begin to stir in his grasp, Matt lifted his head up, glancing over her tired body towards the clock, seeing they had only minutes before the alarm went off. The movement of Matt's body pulled her completely from her slumber, Gabby groaning as she pushed her body back against his, squeezing the hand latched in hers.
"What time is it?" She murmured, Matt blindly placing a soft kiss on her shoulder.
"Five till six." His response earned another groan from her, Gabby relaxing into his hold, feeling Matt rub his thumb over her bare stomach. "We should probably get going." Matt whispered, Gabby sighing heavily before nodding. She let go of his hand, shifting to lie on her back as Matt slid his arm out from under her pillow, keeping his hand on her stomach. "Did you sleep alright?"
"Yeah, I did. Wish I was still asleep." She responded, Matt pulling back from her, moving to turn the lamp on, both of them blinking furiously to adjust to the harsh light in the room.
Turning back towards her, Matt smiled as he took her in, Gabby watching him as he leaned down, placing a kiss to her lips. It was soft and gentle, the gesture lasting a few seconds before he pulled back, Matt scooting down the bed, moving the covers out of the way as he went. He grabbed the hem of the t-shirt covering her body, lifting it up to expose her abdomen, Matt placing a soft kiss over her slightly rounded stomach. He lingered there for a few seconds, feeling Gabby's hand come up to caress over the back of his head, Matt pressing another kiss to her skin before pulling back and glancing up to her.
It had become a ritual of sorts over the last week, Matt going through the same routine every morning they woke up together. He'd give her a kiss, then move down to their child, greeting them the same way. The first time he'd done it, it nearly brought Gabby to tears. And now, it was the best part of her mornings. There had always been something that Gabby loved about Matt in the mornings. She couldn't really place it, but there was something so endearing about seeing him just after he'd woken up. But now, witnessing his tender demeanor while interacting with their growing child, it filled her with a warmth she'd never experienced. It was like she was still finding new ways to fall deeper in love with him, which she didn't think possible.
"You alright?" Matt asked her, pulling her from her thoughts, a soft smile falling onto her face.
"I'm good, was just thinking." She responded, scratching his head lightly, Matt's eyes falling closed in contentment.
"About what?"
"You, mostly." His grin widened as he opened his eyes, Matt sliding back up the bed as his head hovered over hers.
"Is that so?" He whispered, Gabby's eyes flickering to his lips before meeting his gaze.
"Mhmm." She responded, Matt leaning forward a few inches to capture her lips with his, their movements slow and deliberate.
She pulled back first, her bottom lip tucked in between her teeth as Matt caught his breath.
"So, you wanna shower first, or should I?" She questioned, Matt glancing to the clock before looking back towards her.
"You can shower first if you let me join you." He responded with a grin, Gabby chuckling softly as she sat up in bed.
"I guess I can agree to that." She spoke, grabbing his chin and kissing him again quickly before she slid out of bed, his shirt resting just past her hips as she began the walk towards the bathroom, Matt quickly following after her.
Gabby held onto her bag tightly as she walked into the house, seeing a few of her coworkers already seated in the common room, waiting for their shift to start. At the sound of the door, they looked up, Turner and Decker flashing her sympathetic smiles once they saw her. She wasn't too surprised by the looks on their faces, or that word had spread about what happened, seeing as how she hadn't been able to come to work for over a week. She'd kept in contact with Jemma, her partner frequently checking in, wanting to know how she was doing. But aside from Norris, Gabby hadn't had any contact with the house. She could only hope they'd been given the version of events from Jemma, and not through Walters. Even though she knew it wasn't the Chief's fault, he'd be obligated to give headquarter's versions of things, whereas Jemma could be much more transparent.
Even though it was clear they'd been told something of what happened, Gabby prayed they wouldn't mob her with questions. She hadn't come to any decisions yet, at least not completely, and the last thing she wanted to do was sit here an answer question after question about what she was going to do.
Because despite everything, she still found herself wanting to stay here. She couldn't explain it, and the Dawson before Puerto Rico would've probably stomped out of here the day Walters told her what had been decided, and never looked back. But even with everything that happened, she found it hard to leave. Gabby was pissed at what they'd done to her, of course she was. But it wasn't the people at this house who had screwed her over. These people were her friends, and she didn't want to leave them. She felt safe here, she felt secure in her job and with her coworkers. There was nothing hard about being around the people here, and the same could not be said for how she felt walking into 51.
In a perfect world, she'd be able to stay here only working her one shift a week, while Matt continued working at 51 and picking up some construction jobs here and there. But that was nowhere near realistic. With everything surrounding this pregnancy, the last thing they needed was another thing to worry about. She had to make the decision that was best for both her and Matt, and their child. And that was going back to 51.
But she didn't want to face that yet. She knew she couldn't hold out much longer, that today would probably be one of her last shifts here with Jemma. She had fought the inevitable for over a week now, and she wouldn't be able to get away with it much longer.
And she didn't want to keep dragging Boden along, either, knowing how much he had done to get her this job. She was appreciative that he jumped through all those hoops for her, and the fact that she wouldn't have to go actively searching for a new job was nice. But there were still a lot of undealt with issues between her and most of the firehouse, and the thought of going back there on a more permanent basis was daunting.
"Dawson." Gabby was stopped in her path as she neared her locker, turning around at the sound of her name being called. She found Chief Walters walking towards her, Gabby crossing her arms over her chest as the man approached. "Sorry, I didn't mean to chase you down. I called your name in the hallway, but I don't think you heard me."
"Oh, yeah I didn't. Sorry." She responded, her eyes darting uncomfortably around the room.
"It's alright, I just wanted to check in… see how you were doing."
"You're wanting to know if I'm staying here or not." She responded bluntly, Walters drawing in a deep breath.
"Dawson…"
"No, it's fine. I know this is headquarters, not you. But to answer your question, no, I don't know yet." Gabby spoke, the Chief nodding. "Why? Are they expecting me to quit or something?"
"No." He answered quickly. "I know it doesn't feel like it, but no one, not even anyone at headquarters wants you to quit. This was completely budgetary, Dawson. I'm not saying it's fair, because God knows it's not. But I promise you, there is not a soul in this department who wants you gone."
Nodding slowly, Gabby shifted on the balls of her feet, glancing back up at her boss. "So my job will still be here waiting for me once I get back from maternity leave? My full time job?"
"As far as I know, yes."
Sighing heavily, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Chief, but I'm gonna need better than that." She replied. "This is my livelihood, I can't decide to stay here based on you thinking that I'll still have my old job after I have my baby. And I got offered another job, so I'm trying to figure out what to do here. I don't want to leave this place, even after all this mess, I still want to stay. Though I don't even think it's possible right now, but it's completely off the table if I don't know whether or not I have my job to come back to."
"I understand, Dawson."
"So if you could check with headquarters, and make sure I would still have a job here, I'd appreciate it, sir." She spoke firmly, earning a deliberate nod from Walters.
"I'll call them right now, and get it figured out." He responded, Gabby blowing out a heavy breath.
"Thank you." She turned on her heels to continue into the locker room, only getting a few steps before Walters spoke up again.
"I know we might not have left you any choice, but I do hope you can stay here Dawson. Everyone loves you, and you're one hell of a paramedic. But they put you in a bad spot, so if you decide to take this other job, everyone will understand."
Unsure of what to say to him, Gabby merely nodded before continuing her path into the locker room, glancing up to see Jemma and Elizabeth standing at their lockers, clearly pretending to not have been listening. But seeing as how her and Walters were only feet away, she knew they heard the conversation.
"Hey Dawson." Murray spoke first, flashing the woman a soft smile. "It's good to see you back here."
"Thanks Murray." She replied as she stepped towards her locker, quietly fiddling with the lock until she got it open.
"I, uh… I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what headquarters is doing. Jemma filled us in on what happened, and that's terrible. I'm sorry they're doing this to you." She spoke sincerely, Gabby turning towards her to find a small frown on the young woman's face.
"I appreciate that, thanks Elizabeth. But it's not your all's fault. I don't even blame Walters for this, I just- I wish it wasn't happening." Gabby responded softly, earning nods from both Jemma and Murray.
"Whatever you decide to do, just know you'll always be apart of the family around here." Murray spoke as she shut her locker, Gabby flashing her a thankful smile as the girl came up to her and gave her a quick hug. Dawson reciprocated the action, rubbing Murray's back before they pulled apart.
"Thank you, Murray. That means a lot to me." Elizabeth flashed her another small smile before heading for the exit, leaving Gabby alone with Jemma, the girl sitting down on the bench in front of her friend while Gabby put her things away.
"So, still haven't decided yet?"
"Unfortunately, I think I actually have…" She trailed off, Jemma's tongue poking out through her teeth to run over her bottom lip.
"You're going back to 51." She stated, Gabby turning to face her, nodding slowly.
"I think I have to. I mean, I want to wait and see what Walter's is gonna hear back from headquarters, but even if I do still have my old job waiting for me, I don't think it's an option for me to stay here. And it's not like I could work both places… I want to be here, but I refuse to have Matt killing himself, working all these extra jobs just to try and keep us comfortable. I won't let him do it."
Jemma nodded sadly, a supportive smile falling onto her face. "I understand why you have to do this. I'm just gonna miss you so much." Her voice faltered towards the end of her sentence, Gabby blinking back the tears welling in her eyes, her emotions overwhelming her.
"I know it won't be the same, but you're never getting rid of me Jemma. I can promise you that." Gabby spoke softly, afraid that if she spoke any louder, her voice would betray her.
Wordlessly, Norris pushed herself up from the bench, wrapping her arms tightly around Gabby, the two embracing in a long hug, both having to accept the fact they wouldn't be partners for much longer
Casey walked through the bunk room having just changed out of his shift clothes, his bag in hand as he headed for the exit. It had been a long, busy twenty-four hours for 51, and all he really wanted to do was get home to Gabby. Even though he had a construction job scheduled later this morning, he wanted at least a little time with her before being gone for most of the afternoon.
With this near nonstop shift, he hadn't had much time to check in with her. They kept missing each other's texts, only able to respond hours later, and by the time he'd had a moment to call her, it was well past nine last night, which meant she was surely asleep. The baby had changed a lot for them, but Gabby's tiredness and energy level had to be one of the biggest adjustments. He knew from her experience that the first trimester was rough, but he hoped now that she was almost through it, she'd start feeling a little more like her old self. But knowing how she usually hit a wall around eight, the last thing he wanted to do was risk waking her up.
Luckily, 51 hadn't been too busy through the night and he'd managed to get some decent rest. Aside from a few ambo calls, and one squad call, the house had been quiet, and Matt had woken up to a few texts from Gabby, responding to his messages she hadn't seen the night before. He hadn't been able to get much out of her, just that her shift had been okay, and she wanted to talk once he got home. Normally, out of context, those words would scare him, but he had a pretty good feeling of what she wanted to talk about.
"Casey." Boden's voice stopped him as he walked down the hallway, Matt seeing the Chief coming towards him as he approached the double doors.
"Hey Chief." He greeted, Boden coming to stop beside him.
"Headed home?"
"Yeah, for a little bit. Got a construction job later, so I'm gonna try and see Gabby for a bit before I have to head out." He spoke, earning a nod from the older man. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. Just wondering if she's come to any decisions yet."
Sighing softly, Matt shook his head. "She's trying to figure it out, but… she's having a hard time." He spoke, Boden crossing his arms over his chest as he nodded understandingly. "She's not trying to drag you along with all this, she just doesn't know what to do."
"No, I know she's not." Boden assured his Captain. "I just wish she didn't feel so unsure about coming back here."
"Me too, but she has her reasons. And I know she really wants to stay at the SAS, and despite me telling her over and over that we'd make it work, she refuses to stay at a job where she's only working once every ten days." Matt replied, shaking his head. "I just wish this never happened. Her being there has been so good for her, it's helped her more than I ever thought it could…" He spoke, Boden's eyebrows furrowing at his words. "And Jemma, she's helped Gabby so much... Gabby's afraid to lose that, she doesn't want to let that go and I can't blame her." Casey mused. The Captain's cryptic words caused a million questions to run through Boden's mind, but he pushed them all aside, focusing on one in particular.
"Has she officially resigned yet?"
"No."
"Let me see what I can do." Boden replied, Matt's head tilting in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Just… I'm gonna go to headquarters, I'll call you later, alright?" Without another word, Boden left, leaving Casey alone in the hallway, wondering what he could possibly mean.
Matt stepped into the quiet apartment, closing the back door as he entered, glancing around for any sign of Gabby. It took a few seconds, but he was able to hear the soft murmur of the television in the living room, disclosing her location as Matt shed his jacket, hanging it up on the hook. Placing his belongings down by the counter, Matt walked towards the living room, a soft smile coming to his face as he saw Gabby curled up on the couch, her gaze focused on the TV as she ate her breakfast.
"Good morning." He spoke, catching her attention as she glanced to him mid-bite.
"Morning." She spoke, chewing her food before continuing. "How was shift?"
"Busy. How was yours?" He asked, coming over to place a kiss on the top of her head before sitting down next to her.
"It was fine, kind of a long one."
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's just… I think I've made my decision." She replied, putting her plate down on the coffee table, angling her body towards him.
"Alright." He replied softly, bringing his arm up to rest on the back of the couch, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"I've decided to go back to 51."
Matt tried to hide his initial excitement at the news, knowing this was a difficult decision for her. Despite how happy he was at her choice, his feelings were completely selfish, and he knew that. He wanted her back because he missed working with her, and he hated having to spend more than 24 hours apart. He'd feel more comfortable having her close, where he could keep an eye on her and know she was alright. But he knew this was hard for her, and he had to make sure she wasn't doing this for the wrong reasons.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
"It's what I have to do." She responded, Matt squeezing her shoulder gently. "And, eventually, I think it'll be okay. It'll be an adjustment, definitely. There's a lot I'll have to get used to again, and there's a lot of explanations that will need to happen, but I know I've at least got you, Herrmann, and Kelly. And maybe you're right, maybe being there will help things."
Matt nodded, sliding his body closer to hers, placing his free hand on her thigh.
"You know I'll support you with whatever you choose, and if you think this is what's best for you, I'm on board completely."
"You can stop pretending you're not excited about this." She spoke with a grin, Matt's eyebrows raising. "I know you want me back there."
"Of course I do, and of course I'm happy that you'll be back on shift with me. But what I want isn't important here, this is about you. I don't want you making this decision for anyone other than yourself, especially not me." He responded, Gabby shaking her head.
"If I was making this decision for you, I would've just said yes when Boden offered it to me. I've thought through everything, and even though I still wish I could stay at the SAS, I know this is what I need to do for our family."
"Okay. If you're sure, then we can talk to Boden."
"I'm sure." She responded, wiping under her eyes, a frown forming on his face. He knew she was upset, having to let her new family go, and he wasn't completely convinced she was okay with this decision.
"Gabby…"
"I'm fine, Matt. Really, I am. I'm just sad to have to leave there. But I wasn't given much of a choice. The tears aren't about me going back to 51, I promise. I mean, I'm nervous. But I'm holding onto everything you've told me, that it will be okay in time… I just wish this never happened." She murmured, Matt wiping away the stray tear that had fallen down her cheek. "And I'm a hormonal pregnant woman, so that doesn't help." She spoke lightly, earning a soft chuckle from him as he pulled her into his arms, Gabby adjusting her body to relax against him.
"I'll only ask you this one last time, then I'll let it go, but are you sure you just don't want to stay where you are? Because I don't care what I have to do, we'll make it work. I don't want you to be unhappy." He whispered, running his hand through her hair as they sat on the couch.
"I don't want you to do that. I promise, I'll be okay. I'm just gonna miss Jemma and everyone, but I know this is what's best for us." She assured him, lifting her head up to look at him. "And no matter what happens at 51, I'll have you there with me… so it can't be all bad." She teased, a small smile falling onto his face.
"You've always got me." He responded, tapping his thumb against the side of her head. "I know you're worried about being back there, and I'm not trying to downplay that, you have every reason to be apprehensive, but I'm really not expecting there to be any problems from anyone. And if there is, you tell me and I'll deal with it." He told her, Gabby breathing in deeply.
"Matt…"
"No, if something does happen, if someone says something or they're doing anything to make you feel like you don't belong there, I want you to tell me. I know you can handle yourself, and you don't need me to fight your battles for you, but this has gone on long enough, them making you feel like this. You're gonna be there to do your job, you're coming back to your house. If any of them have a problem with it, that's on them." He responded, earning a soft nod from her. "But I'm not even anticipating anyone having any issues. I mean it, Gabby, they love you and they're gonna be so excited to have you back. But you're the most important thing here; you and our baby. So if something does happen, I wanna know."
"Alright." She gave in, placing a quick kiss to his lips. "But let's just hope you're right, and they'll all be fine with having me back."
"Oh, I would bet on it. I'm usually right." He joked, Gabby rolling her eyes before resting her head against his shoulder, feeling his grip tighten around her back, his other hand coming down to cradle her stomach. "But in all seriousness, I know this will be hard for you. I know you don't want to leave your job, and I know you're nervous about working at 51 again, but I'm right here with you. You can do this... But if there is any time where it gets to be too much, you know you can always come to me."
"I know." She murmured, placing a gentle kiss on his neck, draping her leg over his lap.
Matt knew there was no more that needed to be said as they relaxed into the couch, leaning his head down to rest over hers as they watched television. Gabby had come to a decision, one that Matt was excited for, and there were no more discussions that needed to be had, at least not right now. Now all he had to focus on was holding her in his arms, Matt content to just sit there with her as they cuddled on the couch, intent on enjoying the little time they had before he needed to get to work.
Matt stood in the kitchen, rising off their dinner plates while Gabby put their leftovers in the fridge, the two working in a quiet harmony, both of them moving around with ease as they got their meal cleaned up. It was a little after eight, Matt knowing now was usually when Gabby began to wind down. His job had taken longer than anticipated, the young couple he's working for deciding last minute they wanted some changes done to the original plan. Although he liked the extra money, he came home exhausted and a little frustrated at being away from the apartment all day. But when he got home and saw Gabby waiting for him with a simple dinner prepared, all his frustrations had gone away. He didn't expect her to wait for him to eat, knowing she'd been eating her dinners pretty early these days, but he appreciated it nonetheless.
A knock on the front door pulled them from their rhythm, Gabby beginning the walk across the apartment as Matt was still working on the dishes. Getting to the front door, she glanced through the peephole, her body filling with a bit of confusion and worry as she saw the man standing on the other side, Gabby hesitantly pulling open the door.
"Chief, hi." She responded, stepping aside so he could enter. "Come in."
"Hi Dawson, sorry to bother you so late, but I wanted to come by and talk to you. Is Casey here?" Boden asked, Gabby shutting the door behind him and leading him into the apartment.
"Yeah, we just finished up dinner. Is everything okay?" She asked, walking through the living room back towards the kitchen, Matt turning around to see Boden following in after Gabby.
"Hey Chief." He greeted, unable to hide his confusion as well.
"Casey." He responded, pulling his hands from his pockets. "I was telling Dawson, I'm sorry for stopping by so late, but I wanted to talk to you guys about something and I didn't want to wait. Can we?" He asked, nodding towards the kitchen table. Gabby nodded, the pair sitting down while Matt dried off his hands, coming over to join them. He took the seat beside Gabby, Boden across from them, the couple eager to hear what had brought him here this evening. "So, I've spent the better part of the day at headquarters, trying to figure all this out." He started, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing.
"But I thought I already had the job if I wanted it? Did they change their mind? Because I already decided what I want to do..."
"No, no, nothing like that." He assured her, Gabby releasing relieved breath as Boden continued. "But before you tell me what you decided, there's something you should know. Casey and I were speaking this morning, and he was telling me how you really did not want to leave your job at the private company. That you were having a hard time moving on from there, and it was making it hard for you to come to a decision." Chief spoke, Gabby glancing to Matt who had a sheepish look on his face. "But I think I may have come up with a solution to all of this." Boden told them, both of them waiting impatiently to hear what he had to say. "Dawson, I know how much you love your job, and you don't want to leave it… So what if you don't."
Her eyes narrowed in confusion, Gabby glancing to Matt who looked equally as uncertain. "But we can't afford for me to stay there, that's why I'm leaving."
"No, I know. I'm saying you could stay there, working your part-time schedule, while also coming back to 51 part-time."
"What?"
"I've spoken to my bosses, and they've spoken to their bosses, and I explained more of the situation… you know how the CFD is, they're kind of set in their ways, and this is an unconventional solution. But I think the set of circumstances warrants it. There's a part-time job for you on 61 if you want it."
"I… I don't even know what to say." Gabby responded, flustered. She glanced to Matt, unable to get a read on what he was thinking.
"What we've decided on is you'd be working two shifts out of every three. So, technically, hours-wise, you're not exactly part time, but you'd be getting paid for all the hours you're there."
"How did you get them to agree to this?" She questioned, Boden glancing to Casey.
"I, uh… well, I had to call in a few favors."
"Chief, you didn't have to do that for me."
"Of course I did." Boden responded quickly. "I know you love your job at the SAS and despite what happened, you want the ability to stay there, and this gives you that option. You can stay there but also come back to 51, and be able to safely work at both places." He told her, Gabby smiling softly. "I meant what I said about doing whatever I could to help you, and this is the best way I know how."
"And the CFD doesn't care that I'd still be working for another company?" Gabby was still trying to wrap her mind around this even being a possibility, but she was trying to break through the shock she was feeling and get all the information she could.
"What you do after shift is your business." Boden replied. "I told them that if you were to accept the part-time job at 51, that meant you'd still be working at the SAS. But plenty of firefighters and paramedics have second jobs outside of the department, like Casey and his construction. And you owning Molly's. It just so happens that your other job is working for another ambulance company. But what you do off shift is not something they have any say in, as long as it doesn't affect your work at 51.." Chief explained, Gabby nodding as she glanced to Matt, seeing him give her a small, supportive smile. "There will be a little more logistical work involved, on my end, for scheduling you around your days at the SAS, but I'm more than willing to do that for you. That responsibility is on me. If this is something you want, it's an option." Boden finished.
"I… I'm honestly still a little shocked, I never thought this would be possible." She murmured, feeling Matt place his hand on her back. "Can, uh, we have some time to talk about it?" She questioned softly. "I'm so grateful for you doing this for me, I am, but there's more to consider than just me."
"Yes, Casey filled me in on some of that, about you needing to take it easy during your pregnancy. And, even though it's light duty, having two jobs is kind of the opposite of that. So take your time, think it over. This is a big decision, I just wanted you to know it's an option for you."
"Thank you, Chief." She whispered, Boden smiling as he stood up.
"I'll walk you out." Matt offered, pushing himself up from his seat, placing a kiss to the top of Gabby's head as he walked past her, showing Boden to the door.
"Thank you for doing all this for her, Chief." Matt spoke as he opened the door, Boden nodding, clasping Casey over the shoulder.
"I don't want her feeling pressured into doing anything. Just because I had to pull some strings, that doesn't mean she has to accept. Make sure she knows that." He reminded the Captain, Boden stepping out into the hallway.
"I will. Thanks Chief."
The two men said their goodbyes, Matt locking up the door before moving back into the apartment, finding Gabby waiting for him on the couch. Coming around to face her, Matt sat down on the edge of the coffee table, placing his hands on her knees, his movements causing her to look up at him.
"Hi." He murmured, rubbing his thumb along the inside of her thigh.
"Hey." She responded quietly.
"Where's your head at?"
"I don't know, I just- this is crazy. Me working two jobs is insane, right?"
"Well, it's not what I was expecting, but I think it's something to consider." He replied gently, leaning forward. "Is this something you want to do?"
"I don't know… I think so? Maybe-" She stuttered, shaking her head. "It sounds like the best case scenario, in fact it's honestly better than I thought, I'd get to keep my job. And I talked to Walters yesterday, he made sure that my full-time job would still be there waiting for me after maternity leave if I choose to stay at the SAS... I don't know, Matt. I think I want to do this." She spoke, a hesitant smile falling onto her face. "I was having a hard time saying goodbye to my job, and I know the SAS did this, but it's not like it was Jemma, or Chief Walters, or any of my friends are who caused this to happen." Her voice was soft as she spoke, her head turning to the ground before continuing. "And I know the old Gabby would've just left that place the second this happened, without even a thought, but I don't know… I don't want to, I feel like I belong there."
"What do you mean 'old Gabby'?" He asked curiously, watching her take a deep, shaky breath.
"I mean the Gabby I used to be before I left… before the attack, before I had all these problems dealing with what happened to me…" His face softened at her words, Matt gently grabbing her chin, getting her to look up at him.
"Baby, you're still you. What happened in Puerto Rico didn't change that." He murmured, rubbing his thumb along her jaw. "It was awful, and there's not a day that goes by where I don't wish you never went through that. But you're still you, you're still the Gabby I fell in love with."
Shrugging softly, her eyes darted away from him, Matt releasing the light grip he had on her face, returning his hand to her leg. "It doesn't feel like it sometimes. I know I've gotten better, but I don't feel like the same person I used to be. I feel like if I had been in this position before the attack, then I would've either left for good, or I would've fought them until they gave me my job back. It feels like it's wrong for me to want to stay there, because I know in the past, I would've never let anyone walk all over me like this."
"Gabby, it's not a bad thing for you to want to stay where you are." He assured her, Gabby's gaze flashing to him. "And despite what you're saying, I feel like you would still be having a hard time letting go of Jemma and everyone there even if the attack never happened, because they're your friends and you love them. Maybe in the past you would've been more self-assured with your decision... maybe," He reiterated, "but I think you still would've been struggling with the idea of leaving." Matt tried to get through to her, but he wasn't sure if his words were helping. "I can't imagine how hard this all is, and I don't understand what it's like to go through what you did, but from where I'm at, you're still the same person. You're still Gabby."
She nodded, taking a moment to think before responding. "I just feel like I shouldn't want to stay, because of what they did. And I know I told you I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay there at all, but I do Matt. It's probably stupid of me, with how headquarters decided to handle this, but even after all that, I still don't want to go."
She was deflecting, trying to get away from the topic of her attack and how she was feeling, and right now he'd let her. He wanted to talk about it, to reassure her that she hadn't changed nearly as much as she thought, but pushing her to talk about what happened to her was not something he would ever do. It was a discussion for another time, but right now he was letting her lead.
"It's not stupid." He whispered gently. "You have every right to be upset about how they've handled this, but that doesn't mean you can't stay there if that's what you want."
"I just… I feel safe there, and I don't want to lose that."
"I don't want you to either, and if you take up Boden's offer, it doesn't seem like you'll have to." He told her, Gabby nodding slowly.
"What do you think about all this?" She asked after a beat of silence, realizing he hadn't really shared his opinion on the situation.
"I won't lie and say it doesn't concern me, you working two jobs." He responded, Gabby's bottom lip falling in between her teeth. "But I also know that you'll be well taken care of both places. I trust Jemma, and although I don't know Miller, from what I've heard, I know you'll be fine working with them. And at 51, Foster and Brett both know about your pregnancy already, they know you need to take it easy, and I know they'll watch out for you." Matt continued, earning a nod from Gabby. "And I guess you working one shift at the SAS and two for 51 is less hours than you working full-time at 51, but I don't know, it still has me worried."
"If you don't think I should do this, I won't."
"No, that's not what I'm saying." He was quick to clarify, squeezing her knee gently. "I'm just worried about you all the time regardless, but knowing I get to spend two more days a week with you than I normally do makes me feel better. I'll be able to see with my own eyes that you're doing okay." Matt explained. "And this isn't my decision. All that matters to me is that you're safe, and that this won't be too much stress for you. If this is what you want to do, you have my full support."
"I think I want to do it." She replied, Matt seeing a gleam in her eye that hadn't been there up until now. "I think it's the best possible solution to what's happened, and as long as the SAS doesn't have a problem with it, this is what I want." She replied confidently. "What feels right to me is working part-time at both the SAS and 51, and then once I have this baby, going back to work at the SAS. I feel like that's the best option for me right now."
"Then that's what we'll do." He spoke firmly, a light smile falling onto her face.
"That's what we'll do… as long as Dr. Tanner lets me." She responded, Matt nodding as he tapped her knees with his fingers lightly.
"Yes, we'll definitely need her approval. But we have our check up tomorrow, we can ask her then, make sure she's on board. And if she thinks it's okay, we'll let Boden know." He replied, Gabby nodding before pushing herself forward to place a soft kiss on his lips.
"You sure you're okay with this?" She whispered against him, Matt placing another quick kiss against her before pulling back.
"Of course I am. The only thing that's important is that you're happy, and that you and the baby are okay... And at least this way, I get to spend two extra days a week with you."
"I do like the sound of that." She replied, a yawn escaping through her lips.
"Tired?"
"I always am. Your kid really takes it out of me."
"Oh, so it's just my kid now?"
"When they're making me throw up every day, and taking all my energy, yes, it's your kid." She replied with a giggle, Matt shaking his head as he stood up, holding out his hand for her to take.
"Let's get you to bed."
Gabby obliged, letting him help her up even though it wasn't necessary, the two of them walking towards the bedroom.
"So, I'm gonna text Boden and let him know you want to take the part-time job, that we're just waiting for the clearance from your doctor. Is that okay?"
"Mhmm." She responded, moving towards the dresser, pulling out one of his t-shirts and beginning the process of stripping out of her clothes. Matt followed suit as they got ready for bed, both looking forward to their night of rest after the eventful day they'd had.
"So, Gabby you're almost through your twelfth week of pregnancy, how have you been feeling?" Dr. Tanner asked as she sat down at her desk, looking between the expectant parents across from her.
"I've been alright, the nausea is starting to go away. I've just been very tired, and other than a few aches and some soreness, and feeling like I have to pee every ten minutes, I'm alright." She spoke with a grin, earning a matching one from Dr. Tanner.
"Yeah, now that you're about to move into your second trimester, some of those things should start to taper out. I mean, your body is growing and changing so aches are normal, and the fatigue is normal. But hopefully your morning sickness should ease up in the next few weeks. I know last time you were concerned about the round ligament pain you were experiencing, have you felt that anymore?"
"Some. Hasn't been anything too painful yet, but I can still feel it."
Dr. Tanner nodded, glancing down to Gabby's chart. "Yes, well remember what I said, you will probably start to feel some more of those pains in the coming weeks, but don't worry. As long as it's not a prolonged pain, there's nothing to be concerned about." She told her, Gabby nodding. "I looked over your numbers and the ultrasound and everything is looking good, with you and with the baby. You've put on a little less than two pounds since I've last seen you, which isn't bad. But your blood pressure, heart rate, everything is looking good."
"Good." Gabby responded softly.
"And Amanda did call you, didn't she?" Dr. Tanner questioned, earning a nod from Gabby.
"She did, late last week."
"That's what I thought. But, as she told you, when we checked you for anemia, your red blood cell count was a little low, but it's nothing to be concerned about. It's nothing drastic, just try and add a little more iron into your diet and you'll be fine." She told her, Gabby and Matt both nodding. "The problem with anemia is that a lot of the symptoms are the same as symptoms of being pregnant, so it's hard to pinpoint if it's you being anemic that's causing the fatigue, or just your pregnancy. It's something we'll keep an eye on, but it's nothing to be concerned about." She told them, looking back and forth between them as she spoke, knowing how worried Matt had been last time. "And then we also did the NIPT blood test last time, and everything came back clear with that as well. There were no abnormalities, nothing that raised any red flags. So far, you are having a very healthy pregnancy, Gabby."
Gabby rested her hand over her stomach, moving her thumb in soothing motions as Dr. Tanner spoke.
"So, how has work been going?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she watched Gabby sigh deeply, the woman turning to look to Matt before responding.
"Well, there's actually something we want to talk to you about… or I guess get your approval to do, really." She prefaced, Dr. Tanner resting back in her chair, waiting for her to continue. "It's a long story, but essentially my hours at my job got cut, by like a lot. They've made me a part-time employee there, and I only work one shift about every seven to ten days."
Shaking her head softly, Dr. Tanner pursed her lips together. "Because of the pregnancy?"
"They said it was budgetary, but yes. They used my pregnancy and needing extra help as an excuse to cut my hours."
"I'm so sorry, Gabby. Are you going to continue to work there?"
"Well, that's where I kind of need your permission. I am going to keep working there, but I also got offered to work part-time back at Firehouse 51, where I used to work." Gabby saw the look of trepidation that flashed over Dr. Tanner's face, the paramedic quickly speaking again. "Boden, my former Chief, he's willing to work with me, and he got me approved to work two shifts a week there. So it would still be three shifts a week like normal, just at different places."
Taking a deep breath, Dr. Tanner leaned forward, clasping her hands together on top of her desk. "How long are the shifts at the firehouse?"
"Twenty four hours." Gabby answered, searching Dr. Tanner's face for any sort of reaction, but she gave nothing away. "But I have two paramedics working with me at all times, and I promise to abide by whatever rules you give me. I just… I don't want to leave my current job, but we can't afford for me to only work part time."
Dr. Tanner had yet to say anything, the quiet causing Gabby's nerves to rise as the doctor looked back and forth between her and Matt.
"If you don't think it's a good idea, I won't do it. But I was considering going back to 51 full-time, because I can't stay at my current job if that's my only source of income." Gabby explained. "Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. I know keeping this baby safe is our biggest priority, but I promise to take it easy. I won't overdo it."
Drawing in a deep breath, Dr. Tanner zeroed in on Matt before responding. "You'll be working with her during all of her shifts at the firehouse?"
"Yes, I will be." He confirmed, Dr. Tanner tapping her clasped hands against the desk.
"Alright… I'm okay with it." Dr. Tanner replied, a relieved smile falling onto Gabby's face. "But, Gabby, you have to put yourself first. You have to pay attention to what your body is telling you. If you need to sit out on a call, do it. I know I already told you this, but it's even more important now. If you even have the slightest feeling that you need to sit out, do it. We can't take chances here."
"I promise, I won't do anything I don't feel completely up for."
Dr. Tanner nodded before returning her attention to Casey. "And Matt, I need you to keep an eye on her. Gabby, I know you're a grown woman and can take care of yourself, but Matt, just make sure she's doing okay. I'm sure I don't even need to tell you this, but I feel more comfortable knowing that you're there."
"Of course, yeah." Matt responded without question. He had already planned on keeping a watchful eye on her while she was working at the firehouse, but now that it was part of doctor's orders, Gabby couldn't fuss at him for being too overprotective; although he was sure to hear that anyway. "And the paramedics she'll be working with on both shifts, all of them know about her pregnancy. They'll be watching out for her, too."
"That's good to hear." Dr. Tanner mused, releasing a soft sigh. "Alright... Well, as long as you promise me you'll take it easy, I'm okay with you working both places. In fact, this seems like the better option than you going back to the firehouse full time, because at least now one of your shifts is only twelve hours." She spoke, earning a nod from Gabby. "The last thing I want to do is keep you from working, as long as you're feeling up to it. But that's the key here, Gabby. If you're not feeling up to it, you need to be able to take a step back. If you're too tired, or you feel like you shouldn't do something, don't push yourself."
"I won't."
"Good. Now I know your current job has the information from my office, but I'll need to send that over to the firehouse as well, so if you could leave that information with Debbie before you leave, I'll get everything sent over so they know exactly what's allowed and what's not."
"Okay." Matt spoke up, Dr. Tanner giving him a nod.
Over the next half hour, they finished up with their appointment, Dr. Tanner going over her blood work in more detail, as well as preparing them for things upcoming in her pregnancy and what they should expect over the next few weeks until her next visit. Their remaining time with Dr. Tanner had gone by quickly, them finishing up and getting her next appointment scheduled before Matt and Gabby left the office, the pair walking hand in hand back towards his truck.
"Alright, well I'll talk to Boden, let him know he can get the paperwork started if you're positive this is what you want."
"It is." She responded, earning a nod from Matt as they continued towards his truck. They had fallen into a gentle silence, Gabby not wanting to disturb that, but she knew there was something else they needed to talk about, something that had been on her mind. "So, uh, we're almost through the first trimester." She spoke softly, feeling Matt squeeze her hand in response. "Are you ready to start telling people?... I know we agreed on waiting until now, but I also know we said if we weren't ready, we could wait a little longer, I just didn't know what you were wanting." She rambled, Matt glancing towards her with a soft grin covering his face, the look easing some of her nerves.
"I'm ready to start telling people." He responded quickly. "Are you?"
"Yeah, I am." She spoke, matching his grin as he walked with her to the passenger side of the truck. Matt pulled the door open for her, standing back, there to help her if needed, although she wasn't even close to the point of struggling with everyday movements. She still didn't even look pregnant, let alone did she need help moving around. He had been kind of surprised that she wasn't showing yet, but if all of these appointments told him anything, it's that he knew practically nothing about the ins and outs of pregnancy. And even if he did, every single pregnancy was different, and there was no way to know how and when Gabby's body would react to the changes.
What he did know was that he couldn't wait for her to start looking pregnant. When she was unclothed, he was able to tell. He could see it, and feel it, and he loved it. But when she was covered, she still looked the same. Although it was a definite change to the weight she had been when she first came back, compared to how she looked before going to Puerto Rico, there was hardly any difference. To anyone that knew her, it might just look like she was putting back on the pounds she lost while she was gone, but that was the extent of it.
But he couldn't wait for her to actually start showing, and to see her walking around visibly pregnant. Matt couldn't explain it, but there was something about the thought of seeing her body changing as she carried their growing child that made his heart swell. He couldn't wait for that, but at the same time he just wanted this all to slow down. He felt like it had been flying by, the fact they were already almost at her second trimester was insane to him. Despite not being able to contain his excitement at the thought of meeting their child, he also wanted to soak up every moment of this pregnancy, especially seeing as how he wasted so many weeks being angry. He could never get that time back, he wanted to take in all he could and enjoy every moment. And there was another factor in all this as well, Matt knowing that this was likely the first and only pregnancy Gabby would ever experience. He kept telling himself she would come out of this okay, he had to believe that to keep himself sane, but once she did, he refused to go through this again. Neither of them could go through this uncertainty and the stress of Gabby being pregnant, not when they had other options, so he wanted to enjoy this as much as he could. Seeing Gabby pregnant was unlike anything he had ever experienced, it filled him with a contentment he couldn't describe, and he was determined to enjoy as much of it as he could.
"Do you know who you want to tell first?" Gabby questioned as Matt climbed into the truck, starting the engine before glancing towards her.
"Well, we're gonna have to tell the house sooner or later, even though some of them know already."
"Yeah… We also need to tell my parents." Matt bit the inside of his cheek, knowing the last time he'd been in the same room as her father, it hadn't exactly been pleasant. "Do you want to tell your family?" She asked hesitantly, Matt clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
"Honestly… sending them a birth announcement would probably be enough. I'm not exactly sure where my mom even is." He replied, Gabby nodding understandingly, reaching up to brush over the side of his head.
"Alright." She replied, knowing better than to push the topic. "How about we start with my dad and 51. Maybe we could have my dad over for dinner. I know I'll have to give my mom the news over the phone, but I'd like to tell my dad in person."
"We can do that. How do you want to handle 51?"
"I haven't exactly figured that out yet… I'm not sure how much longer I'm even gonna be able to hide it, but maybe let's get me back there first before dropping that on them."
"Whatever you wanna do." He murmured, leaning into her hand for a moment, enjoying the contact, before focusing his attention to the road in front of him, preparing for the drive home knowing that they'd be plenty of time for them to enjoy one another once they got there.
So, there it is. How are we feeling about Gabby's decision? I went back and forth so many times on what I wanted her to do, and I actually had two different versions of this going because even I couldn't decide. But I ended up just going with the one that felt more right, and that was this. I do know while a lot of you were excited for her to potentially go back to 51, there were people who didn't want her going back as well. I know I can't please everyone, but hopefully this is a nice compromise. This is what I felt did justice to Gabby and her situation, and what she would want right now. So it's what I chose.
I want to say a quick thank you to everyone who left me such kind words about my worries on when to update both of my stories. I was able to get both updated today, we'll see if I can keep that going. But I appreciate the feedback and understanding. You all are seriously the best.
As always, thank you all so much for reading. The constant support you all continue to give me on my work has been beyond what I could've ever imagined. I can't thank you enough for keeping me motivated. I can't wait to hear what you thought of this one.
Until the next.