Hello! Before we get into it, let me just say… forty chapters?! Wow, I truly never thought I'd still be continuing this story this long, or that there'd be so many people still liking it. It's mind blowing to me, the support you have all given me. Thank you so much for that.
I hope you guys enjoy this one. Happy reading!
Chapter Forty
"You're sure you don't want Antonio here?" Gabby questioned teasingly as she placed three plates down onto the table, earning a scoff from the man standing in the kitchen.
"I don't need your brother here for protection." Matt replied with raised eyebrows, Gabby matching his look.
"I was thinking more of a buffer, but the fact that protection was the first thing to come to mind…" She trailed off, a smirk resting on her lips.
"Ha ha." He responded dryly, shaking his head as he opened the oven, checking on their dinner. "I don't need your brother here, it's not like that really helped much last time." He mumbled.
Seeing his obvious hesitation, she decided against continuing to tease him, releasing a soft sigh as she walked back into the kitchen, standing far enough away from him so he could place the hot pan on top of the stove. "You know this is going to be fine, right?"
"Are you sure about that?" He questioned back, tossing the over mitt down on the counter, Gabby closing the distance between them as he turned off the stove. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she looked up at him, feeling his hands come to rest on her arms.
"Matt, I know things between you and him were… hard at Christmas, but it's my dad. You know he loves you, he was just worried after everything that happened between us."
"I don't blame him for him being worried, I just wish he trusted me a little more." He admitted softly, Gabby rubbing her thumb against his lower back.
"He does trust you. But when we spent Christmas with him, he didn't even know we were back together. We just showed up, and it threw him. I'm not excusing his behavior, but he wasn't expecting that. Especially considering the last time you were a topic of conversation, it wasn't really a happy one."
"I can only imagine." He responded, shaking his head gently.
"He was just trying to look out for me, and after everything that happened, he was a little hesitant of us getting back together."
"I understand him wanting to look out for you, trust me I get that." Matt murmured, Gabby tightening her grip on him. "But this is happy news, and I feel like he'd be more receptive to it if I weren't here."
"You mean he'd be receptive to us having a baby if I was the only one here to tell him? You realize how that would look right?" She questioned, scrunching her nose in amusement.
"Yeah, hearing you say it out loud, that does look bad." He mused with a chuckle. "The last thing I need is him thinking I'm not in this."
"Matt, it's going to be fine. I know you two haven't really spoken since Christmas, but every time I see him and talk to him, he asks how you are. He knows we're still together, that we're staying together. I truly think he just needs to see that we're okay."
"Alright, hopefully you're right. I know things between Ramon and I have always been… interesting, but he is family. I don't want him hating me for the rest of our lives."
"As if anyone could ever hate this face." She teased, bringing her hand up to tap his cheek gently, Matt rolling his eyes as he pulled from her grip. "But really, it'll be fine. You two will be fine. He's gonna be happy about this. And it's been over a week since we talked about telling people, we can't really wait much longer. I don't think I'll be able to hide it much longer." She spoke, Matt glancing down towards her stomach, knowing she was right. With the large sweater she was wearing, it was hidden, but her bump was definitely forming. She was starting to look pregnant, her stomach beginning to round out more over the last week.
"Yeah, you're right." He responded, earning a satisfied smile from Gabby, the couple interrupted by a firm knock on the front door.
"It's time."
"Wait, he does know I'll be here right?" Matt questioned as she walked out of the kitchen, Gabby shooting him a playful glare before heading towards the door.
"Gabriela!" Ramon spoke excitedly as she pulled the door open, bringing his daughter into a hug, Gabby careful to not press herself into him, not wanting to spoil the surprise. "How have you been, mija?"
"I'm good, work has been keeping me busy." She responded, shutting the door once they both got inside. "But everything's going well, for both of us." Ramon looked over at Gabby's words, seeing Matt standing in between the kitchen and living room, a small smile on his face.
"Hi Ramon." He greeted as the two Dawson's walked further into the apartment, Gabby stopping to hang up his jacket while her father kept moving towards Casey.
"Matt, it's good to see you." He responded with a tight-lipped smile, extending his hand towards the firefighter. Matt shook it quickly, Gabby coming to stand by his side.
"We're glad you could make it." Matt spoke, the three of them heading for the kitchen.
"Well, I was a little surprised when I got the invitation, but I'll never pass up the opportunity to see my Gabriela." He replied, tapping her cheek before they moved to the table, Gabby and Ramon sitting down while Matt began to bring the food over.
"Beer, Ramon?"
Earning a nod from the man, Matt went to the fridge, grabbing a beer and some water for him and Gabby before heading for the table, sitting in the seat next to Gabby. They began filling their plates with food, Ramon watching the two with a cautious gaze as they started to enjoy their dinner.
"So, things with you two are still going well?"
"They are. We're doing good." Gabby replied instantly, placing her hand on Matt's leg under the table, giving her dad a knowing look. Ramon nodded, releasing a heavy breath as he turned his attention towards his former son-in-law.
"Matt, I, uh- I think I owe you an apology." He spoke. "When you showed up with Gabriela at Christmas, it surprised me. I didn't know you two had fixed things, and I'll be honest, I was worried about it. I know I only heard Gabriela's side of things, but I was hesitant, at you two just jumping back into everything. I know how much you love my daughter, but I was worried and just trying to look out for her. But you two are adults, and I shouldn't have been so cold to you."
"I understand it, I do. I'm sure whatever Gabby told you, it's what happened. I don't blame you for being hesitant... I treated Gabby terribly, the things I said to her, nothing can ever excuse that. You'll never know how sorry I am for all of it, it never should've gotten as bad as it did, I should've handled things better-"
"We both should've." Gabby interjected, Matt glancing to her. "It was on both of us, dad. We both messed up, we both caused problems between us. It wasn't just Matt's fault." He flashed her an appreciative smile before continuing, placing his hand over hers.
"I want you to know that I never stopped loving Gabby, and I should've done a better job at making sure she knew that. I messed up and made things harder than they ever needed to be. But I can't go back and change any of it, all I can do is make sure you know how much I regret it. I love your daughter, I always have and I always will. You don't need to worry about that." Matt finished, Ramon nodding with a small smile.
"I know you do, Matthew." Gabby's lips turned up into a grin at her father's use of his full name, knowing Matt never cared for it, but she knew her dad did it as a term of endearment. "And I know things are never black and white, that what happened between you two affected you just as much as it did her. I'm sorry for the way I've handled you two getting back together, I just… she's my little girl, and I hate to see her hurt."
"I hate that I was the thing that hurt her." Matt responded softly, earning a knowing nod from the man.
"I just want her to be happy, and I know you make her happy. If you two were able to fix what happened, there's no reason for me to hold this against you... I'm sorry, Matthew."
"It's fine, really. We were able to fix things, but it wasn't easy. We hurt each other, a lot, and there was a lot to work through. But, truthfully, I think this is the best we've ever been." Matt spoke honestly, a teary smile forming on Gabby's face.
"I'm glad, really I am. As long as she's happy, that's all that matters."
"I am, dad." Gabby assured her father, Ramon nodding as they continued eating, Matt feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He was grateful to clear the air with the man, knowing that him being at odds with Ramon had been causing Gabby stress, and that was the last thing any of them needed.
"So, honey how's your job going?" Ramon shifted topics, catching the quick glance between Matt and Gabby.
"Well, that's actually part of why we asked you to come over for dinner." Gabby prefaced, earning a confused look from her father. "I, uh, I'm actually starting back at 51 later this week."
Ramon glanced back and forth between the couple across from him curiously, knowing in all his talks with his daughter, she never mentioned anything about wanting to return to the firehouse. "But what about your other job? I thought you loved it."
"I do, and I'm staying there as well. I'm working part-time at both."
"What made you decide this? I didn't think you really wanted to return to 51."
"Well, I never planned on it, but there were some outside circumstances that affected my schedule at the SAS, my hours got cut and Chief Boden made it work to where I'm able to return to my shift at the firehouse."
"I don't understand, Gabriela, what's going on?"
Glancing towards Matt, he flashed her a supportive smile, lacing his fingers with hers as they both turned to look back at Ramon, the man watching them curiously.
"I'm pregnant." She responded, tears welling in her eyes as she kept her gaze on her father.
He was initially stunned, Gabby seeing his shock transform into joy, a wide smile forming on his face. "Oh, mija." He whispered, tears filling his own eyes as he stood up, coming around to her side of the table, wrapping her up in a tight hug. Gabby's tears escaped down her cheeks as she held onto her father, Ramon placing kisses on top of her head. "This is wonderful news." He murmured, giving her another squeeze before pulling back. He moved to Matt, giving him a tight hug as well, joy radiating off the older man. "Does your mother know? Or your brother?"
"I'm gonna call mom tomorrow and let her know. I would rather tell her in person, but I don't think she has any visits to Chicago planned anytime soon. And, yeah, Antonio knows. I told him pretty early on, I was a little freaked out. This pregnancy definitely wasn't planned." She admitted, her father nodding understandingly.
"I know you two might've not been expecting this, but this is a great thing." He murmured, earning a teary nod from his daughter. "When did you find out?" He asked as he moved back to his seat, the smile never leaving his face.
"Um, awhile ago, we found out about two months ago now."
"How far along are you?"
"Thirteen weeks."
"And the baby's healthy? Everything's okay?" Ramon questioned, worry filling his voice. He'd never forget the pain they went through losing their first child, and he couldn't imagine them having to go through that again.
"The baby is healthy." She responded, Ramon breathing out a sigh of relief. "Everything with them is perfect."
"And you? How are you feeling?" Ramon's question caused Matt to tense momentarily at Gabby's side, Casey glancing towards her as he waited for how she wanted to approach this topic. Seeing the firefighter's reaction, Ramon's eyebrows furrowed, his eyes moving back towards his daughter. "Is something wrong?"
"Dad, there's uh… there's something I need to tell you." She spoke, worry filling Ramon's body as he leaned forward against the table.
"What's going on? Are you okay?"
"Um...this pregnancy, it's dangerous for me." She breathed out quietly, keeping her eyes locked on her father.
"What does that mean?"
"I have an aneurysm in my abdomen, from my miscarriage a few years ago. And it makes this a high-risk pregnancy. If it ruptures towards the end of my pregnancy, or during labor, it could kill me."
The smile that had been plastered on her father's face was long gone, concern flooding his features as he watched his daughter with sad eyes.
"Gabriela, I- did you know before this pregnancy?" He murmured, his voice unsteady.
"We found out right before I left. That's what started our big fight, we'd been trying to have a baby then and when we got the news… we didn't handle it well, and everything else just spiraled from there."
Ramon gave her a slight nod, leaning back defeatedly in his seat as he let the information sink in, a thick silence filling the air around them for a few moments, before the older Dawson spoke up again.
"How dangerous is it?"
"There's about a ten percent chance of something going wrong." She told him, watching him take a deep breath, shaking his head slightly. "But we have an amazing doctor. She's been helping us through all of this. I see her every two weeks, so if anything changes she knows immediately. She thinks my chances are good, great even."
"But if something were to go wrong, would she be able to stop it?"
"She said she'd do everything in her power to try." Gabby knew those words weren't what her father was wanting to hear, but she couldn't lie to him. "My aneurysm is small, which makes it easier for her to control if it ruptures. And they know about it beforehand, which helps. I guess a lot of times, it's misdiagnosed and the doctors don't know until it's too late, that's what Dr. Tanner said. But we know, which only helps us." Gabby was trying to ease his worries, but she knew it was a lot to digest.
Ramon gave her another nod, taking a long sip of his beer as he sat there, needing a second to work up the nerve to ask his next question. "Did you all- did you consider not having this baby?" He asked quietly. "I know it's not something you normally would've ever considered, but this is your life..."
"We did think about it. But, uh, I decided it wasn't an option." She swallowed thickly after she spoke, Ramon picking up on the wording of her sentence. He glanced towards Matt, seeing the firefighter's eyes solely on Gabby.
"What do you think about all this?" Ramon asked him, watching Matt look towards him, his eyes shining.
"Honestly… when I first found out, I didn't take it very well. It's not that I didn't want this baby, but I just- I couldn't prioritize their life over Gabby's. So when she made the decision to keep it, I panicked." He admitted, Ramon nodding understandingly. Gabby reached up to place her hand on the back of Matt's neck, rubbing her fingers gently against his skin, knowing the action calmed him. "I didn't want to risk losing her, I still don't, but I was consumed by fear and instead of dealing with it, I shut down, and shut her out. I wasn't handling it well. It took me some time to come around, not because of the baby or Gabby, but because the thought of losing her kills me."
"But you're okay with it now?"
"I'll never be okay with losing her, never." Matt clarified. "But I couldn't spend the rest of this pregnancy being angry. Not with what it was doing to her, and the fact that there is a chance something could happen to her. God forbid something does go wrong, and I had spent all that time resenting her… I would never forgive myself." He breathed out, glancing down towards the table. "But I can't even think of the possibility of losing her, so I'm choosing to believe she'll be okay. That Dr. Tanner can get her and our baby through this, and the both of them will be fine. I'm holding onto that."
Ramon nodded, looking back towards his daughter, seeing a few tears stream down her face as she looked between him and Matt. Reaching across the table, Ramon grabbed her hand, Gabby smiling sadly at her father.
"Matt's right." He murmured. "You're gonna be just fine. Both you and your beautiful baby. Both of you are gonna be perfectly fine."
Everyone in the room knew there was no way for him to know that, that there was a very real possibility that something could go wrong. But despite his overwhelming fear for his daughter, he knew he needed to do anything he could to comfort her. She needed to hear those words, and have that belief. His feelings didn't matter, all he could do was be there to support her, and do everything in his power to give her any comfort he could.
Ramon watched as Matt leaned over, placing a soft kiss to Gabby's head, seeing her lean into him momentarily. For as worried as Ramon was, he knew this scared her the most. That this pregnancy terrified her. This was her life she was putting on the line, and that had to be a horrible decision to make.
"Do you have any ultrasound pictures?" He asked after a few quiet moments, smiling when he saw a bright grin break through the tears rolling down her cheeks, Gabby nodding excitedly.
"We have a lot, yeah." She replied, Matt moving to stand up and retrieve the photos, Ramon giving his daughter's hand a tight squeeze.
This hadn't been what he expected this night to be when he arrived earlier, in fact this was the last thing he expected. Learning that he's going to become a grandfather then hearing right after that there is the possibility his child could die, it was jarring, and he wasn't sure he'd even fully comprehended the magnitude of this yet. But it wasn't about him. This was about Gabriela, and that little baby, and all he knew to do was be there when she needed him.
Casey adjusted his tucked in shirt as he walked from the locker room, making sure his appearance was up to code as he made his way through the firehouse, flashing soft smiles and greetings to those he passed on the way to Boden's office. The second he walked in the house this morning, he'd been told Boden needed to see him, causing Matt to hurry through his routine in the locker room.
Stepping towards Boden's closed door, he tapped gently on the wood, waiting until he heard confirmation from the man before he entered. "You wanted to see me, Chief?" Casey asked, Boden nodding him in.
"Yes. I was thinking it might be time to tell everyone about Dawson."
Matt nodded in agreement as the Chief stood up from his chair. "Yeah, I guess we are kind of running out of time. You wanna do it now?"
"Figured roll call would be best, yeah. That way we know we get them all at the same time." Boden answered, leading Casey from his office, the two walking down the hallway towards the conference room. "Is she feeling any better about coming back here?"
"A little. I think her being able to stay at the SAS is helping, but she's still nervous."
"Well, we'll make sure she has no reason to be." Boden replied, Matt nodding firmly as he followed Chief into the room. Everyone quieted down when Boden entered, Casey earning a few confused looks as he stood beside their Chief, knowing that wasn't common practice unless something was going on.
"Good morning everyone." Boden greeted, Matt crossing his arms over his chest. He listened quietly as Boden went through the normal, everyday things, Casey able to feel multiple pairs of eyes on him while he stood there. But he gave away nothing, keeping his face neutral while Boden addressed the group.
"Now, before you all go, there is an announcement Casey has to share." Boden turned towards his Captain, Matt taking a step forward, clearing his throat.
"Yes, well, I just wanted to let you all know that Dawson will be returning to 51, on a part-time basis." The second the words left his lips, Matt felt the confusion in the room. "She'll be working on 61 with Brett and Foster, but she'll only be here two out of every three shifts."
Casey saw the clear looks of uncertainty covering Brett's and Foster's faces, and in hindsight, he and Boden probably should've told them before anyone else, but it was too late now.
"Why only part-time?" Herrmann questioned, gaining the attention of the room. "Why not just come back full-time?"
"She'll still be working at the SAS, part-time as well."
"Why?" Cruz asked.
"Did something happen at her job?" Otis echoed, Matt glancing towards the Chief.
Boden stepped forward, taking control of the conversation before Matt had a chance to answer. "The reason behind Dawson's work is none of your concern. She'll share if she wants, all you need to know is that she'll be back here, starting next shift."
"Alright Chief." Herrmann replied, clearly still confused but knowing better than to press the issue.
"And, uh, there is one thing I need to address before she comes back." Matt started, earning the focus of the room once more. "Honestly, I didn't think I'd still be needing to have this conversation again, months later, but Gabby's a little nervous to be coming back here."
"Why?"
"Did something happen while she was here?"
"I thought everything was fine..."
"Why is she worried, it'll be great having her back."
Matt heard the chorus of confused responses filling the room, taking a deep breath before speaking up. "She's worried about how her coming back will be received by you all. She doesn't really know where she stands with most of you, and I can't say I blame her."
"What do you mean, Captain?" Kidd questioned.
"Aside from a few of you, no one has really made an effort with her unless she comes to you. It's made her a little apprehensive... So just please, make her feel welcome, alright?"
"Of course, Captain. We didn't realize she was feeling that way." Herrmann replied, even though he and Matt both knew he wasn't who Casey was talking about.
"I didn't either, at least I didn't realize the extent of it. But right now, she doesn't feel like she's apart of this family anymore, and that has to change. She doesn't need to deal with that, so if for some reason there are any of you who have an issue with her, talk to her about it. Don't freeze her out, or make her feel unwelcome. I know you all love her, but she doesn't think it's a good idea to come back here. I don't want her having any reason to think she was right." Matt knew Gabby would probably kill him for this, but he didn't care. He didn't want them doing anything to upset her, whether it was inadvertent or not; she had enough going on already.
By the looks on the faces of the men and women around him, Matt knew he was right in his assumption that the house had no idea Gabby felt so out of place here. And part of him felt bad, not wanting to place blame on them when they had no idea, but regardless, their actions caused Gabby to worry about how her homecoming would be received, and he would rather have this conversation now than have to have it again after Gabby got here.
"We wouldn't, Captain. This is great news, her deciding to come back. Even if it's just part-time."
"Yeah, we didn't think she wanted to come back, but we never meant to make her feel like she couldn't." Kidd spoke up, earning a few nods from around the room. "I really don't think anyone here realized that's what was going on."
"No, I know you didn't. And trust me, it's not just you all. There were other factors involved in Gabby deciding not to come back here. But things have changed, and she'll be back here for the foreseeable future. But it wasn't an easy decision for her to make, and I just wanted you all to be aware of that."
"Does she even want to come back?" Cruz asked after a beat of silence, voicing the question Matt was sure everyone else was thinking. "Because it doesn't sound like she wants to be here, and I don't really understand why. I mean, she left without a word, and then came back months later without really saying why, but then she didn't want to come back here. I don't understand what changed? Why is she coming back now?"
"Cruz…" Boden started.
"It's okay, Chief." Matt interrupted, looking back to Joe.
"It's not that we don't want her here, of course we do. We never meant to make her feel like she didn't belong at 51, and I'm sorry she's feeling like that. I wish we knew so we could've fixed it, but from what you're telling me, it doesn't sound like she wants to come back here, and her taking that other job made that pretty clear as well. So I'm just confused as to why this is all happening now."
Matt ran his hand over his mouth, drawing in a deep, slow breath before responding. "I know this seems like it's coming out of nowhere, and that you guys have been left in the dark about a lot of things with Gabby and her coming home. And I'm sorry about that, really I am. I know it's not usually like that around here, but it isn't my information to share." He spoke softly, finding Severide's knowing gaze. "I know this is confusing, and Gabby's behavior since she's been back probably isn't the Gabby you're used to… but there's a lot going on, a lot that's happened to her that you all don't know about, and all she needs from you right now is your support. She'll be back here, working with Brett and Foster, and all I ask if that you treat her like you always did. She just needs normalcy."
A silence fell over the room, Casey's words hanging in the air. It took a few moments for anyone to react, but soon Matt earned a nod from Herrmann, the man speaking up.
"Okay Captain."
Herrmann's words were met with agreeing nods from around the room, Matt releasing a soft breath.
"Thank you." He murmured, taking a step back.
"Now, as Casey said, she'll only be here about two shifts a week. It will be business as usual for everyone else here. Nothing is changing for anyone, except Dawson will be working with Brett and Foster when she's here. I'm assuming that won't be a problem?" He questioned, looking towards the paramedics.
"Of course not." Brett spoke.
"We're glad to have her." Foster agreed, earning a thankful smile from Casey.
"Alright. Well, that's all for today. Have a good shift, everyone." Boden spoke, the man turning towards his paramedics. "Foster, Brett, a word." The two women nodded, Matt following Boden out into the hallway, Brett and Foster exiting behind them.
Herrmann watched Casey's retreating figure go through the door until he was out of sight, before turning around towards the back of the room, finding Severide still leaned against the wall. Seeing the room clearing out, Herrmann began walking back to him, Kelly glancing up as Herrmann came to a halt in front of him.
He was quiet for a moment, Kelly raising an eyebrow in question, watching Herrmann glance around the room.
"What's up, Herrmann?" Severide finally asked, the older man waiting until the last firefighter exited the room before looking back to Kelly.
"Do you know what this is about?" Kelly glanced down, drawing in a deep breath, running his hand over his mouth. From his reaction alone, Herrmann got the answer to his question. "Why is she coming back only part-time? What's going on, Kelly?"
"Herrmann…"
"I know you know. Why is she still staying at the SAS, but coming back here to work on an ambulance that's never had more than two paramedics?"
"Herrmann, you just heard Casey talk about how it wasn't his information to share, even if I did know something, I-"
"You do know something." He stated. "You came to me, saying how worried you were about Casey and Dawson, how you thought something was wrong with Gabby. And then suddenly, you weren't worried anymore. You were telling me that we should back off, then it was never discussed again. You know what's been going on with her. What's been causing Casey to duck out of shift randomly, why Gabby was in the hospital, why she's working part-time at both jobs…"
"I didn't know she was coming to work here." He clarified, Herrmann blowing out air between his teeth.
"But you know what's going on."
"Herrmann… I don't..." Kelly trailed off uncomfortably, Herrmann releasing a heavy sigh, shifting his weight between his feet.
"Just tell me she's okay."
"She is. Her and Matt both are." Severide could see the man was still agitated, not knowing what was going on with Dawson, but he seemed to accept Kelly's answer, Herrmann nodding before leaving the room without another word.
Out in the hallway, Matt followed Boden down towards the entrance of the bunk room, the man stopping and turning around, Matt standing beside him as Foster and Brett came to a stop across from them.
"I do apologize for just dropping that on you two, but Gabby will be returning to 61 to work with you all. Brett, you're still the PIC. Foster, nothing about your job changes. You'll just have an extra set of hands." Boden explained, the women nodding.
"I know you two know about the pregnancy." Matt spoke lowly. "Well, Gabby has to be on light duty for the rest of the time she's working. What she's allowed to do, it's very restrictive. She knows what all she can and can't do, but she's basically limited to the basics. She's not allowed to do any heavy lifting, or anything strenuous."
"Okay." Foster responded.
"I trust that you two will look out for her, make sure she doesn't get too caught up in the moment, and do something she shouldn't."
"Of course, Casey." Brett responded. "We'll watch out for her."
"Thank you." He spoke, looking towards Boden.
"So, are we good here?" The Chief asked, earning nods from around the small circle.
"We're good." Brett replied, Boden nodding before moving away from the group. "We're excited to have her back."
Matt gave her a small nod, flashing a smile to the two women as they turned around to leave.
"Uh, Foster," He started, his words getting both of their attention, "can we talk for a sec?"
Emily nodded, Brett eyeing the two curiously before continuing to walk back towards the common room, Foster stepping towards Casey.
"I know that you understand more than most about what Gabby's been dealing with…" He spoke quietly, Foster nodding slowly. "With the attack, and the pregnancy, it's been a lot on her. And she still struggles from time to time dealing with what happened to her in Puerto Rico." Foster nodded again, waiting for him to finish his statement. "I just need to know that I can trust her with you, that you've got her back."
"I got her, Captain. You don't need to worry about that."
"Thank you." Matt responded, giving her a small appreciative smile before heading towards his office.
Gabby pulled into her parking spot outside their apartment, putting the car in park before leaning back into her seat, giving herself a moment to decompress. It had been a long day at the SAS, and she needed a second to collect herself before going inside. She hadn't been able to see Matt this morning, him not getting off shift before she had to leave for hers, but she needed a second to herself before going inside.
It was her first shift there in eight days, Gabby not having been back since she decided to also take the job at 51 over a week ago. She got there early, her first order of business being to inform Chief Walters of the situation, to let him know what she'd be doing and assure him it wouldn't affect her work there. Needless to say the man was thrilled she wouldn't be leaving, and that feeling trickled down through the house. She'd been a little worried they'd have a problem with her returning to her old job, but when it came down to it, there was nothing they could do. They put her in this position, the SAS had no say in how she chose to supplement her income.
Gabby had decided to leave it a surprise, even to Jemma, that she'd be staying at the SAS. And the look of pure joy and elation on Norris' face when she found out the good news just confirmed what Gabby already knew, that she was making the right choice by keeping this job. It made the week of secrecy worth it, seeing the shock and feeling the excitement radiating off of her friend. Everyone there was delighted that she'd be staying on, and even though she wouldn't be around as frequently, it made them excited to know she'd be coming back. That they wouldn't have to permanently say goodbye to their coworker and friend.
But it was the work itself that had left her exhausted. It had been a busy shift, with seemingly non-stop calls. Calls that were draining, emotionally and mentally, and it started with her first of the day.
The entire house had been called as backup to an apartment fire across town, the first responders on scene needing extra help with transports. From what little information they'd been given, it sounded like a bad one. And that had been proven true as soon as they pulled up. There was chaos everywhere, tarps laid out in the streets lined with the bodies of those who didn't make it, Gabby seeing an endless cycle of firefighters coming from the building. When she first got there, for a split second she couldn't help but feel thankful that Matt was already off shift as she saw third shift for truck 81 apart of those coming and going from the burning building. She could already tell this was the type of call that would stick with a first responder, and she didn't want that for Matt.
Before they even started working, they knew it would be a tough call for all of them. Dawson, Norris, and Miller had been handed a woman they just brought from the building, her body covered in burns, barely recognizable. But she was alive.
Or she had been.
By the time they got her to them, she was gone. She wasn't able to survive through her injuries, and there was nothing they could do.
It had quickly passed through her mind that this was her first fatality since joining the SAS. She hadn't even thought about it, that she had yet to lose anyone since starting back in December. But standing here over the body of this woman, it hit her that this was the first person they hadn't been able to help.
She knew it wasn't her fault, that this woman was gone before she even got to them, but still, she couldn't help but feel like maybe she could've done something.
Gabby was used to losing people on the job. It was nearly a daily occurrence back when she worked at 51. Some of the gruesome things she'd seen while on 61, there was no forgetting that. And she knew how to handle it. She was able to compartmentalize, you had to on this job or you wouldn't survive it. But it had been so long since she'd had to experience the feeling of helplessness that came with losing a patient, she'd almost forgotten what it was like.
Almost.
Unfortunately for Dawson, the day of her first fatality since joining this company came with her second as well.
And this one she was having a harder time letting go of.
Shortly after the woman had been pronounced dead, they'd been brought a little boy. He couldn't have been more than five or six, the left side of his body burned, his clothes charred from the heat as they placed him on the stretcher. He'd been unresponsive, but he was alive. His little heart was nearly pounding out of his chest, but he was still with them.
She'd seen these injuries before, multiple times. She knew they were usually fatal, especially on a body this small. But he was fighting. While they got him loaded up and began the drive to the hospital, he held on.
But quickly after they left, things started to go south.
His body was trying to overcompensate for the burns, his heart running on overdrive before things began shutting down. His blood pressure bottomed out, his heart started to give out, and despite trying everything they could to save him, the boy died before they were able to get him to the hospital.
Realistically, she knew as soon as they got him that it would probably end badly. But still, she held onto the hope that if they just got him to the hospital, he'd be okay. That somehow, if they could get him there, he'd make it. But they weren't able to. They weren't able to give him the help he needed. And she was having a hard time letting it go.
After they'd gotten the boy inside and he was pronounced dead, they'd gone back to the scene. They had to, they continued on with their work like nothing happened. But Gabby wasn't able to forget it.
She couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she wasn't able to shake this one, although she had a few ideas, but it stuck with her for the rest of shift. When she saw that little boy, all she could picture was what if it had been her son lying on that stretcher, clinging to life as people tried their hardest to save him, that what if it had been her son fighting for a chance to see another day.
It was a fight that little boy had lost.
And Gabby wasn't able to get him out of her head. The loss of that little boy was a hard pill to swallow, especially now that she had a child of her own growing inside her. He was somebody's son, he had his entire life ahead of him, and they weren't able to save him. They fought like hell to give him a chance, but he'd been too injured. He'd been too badly burned, he'd been inside too long to have any real shot at all. Despite her knowing she'd done all she could, she wasn't able to shake the guilt she felt for not being able to save him.
That call left her reeling a little bit, Gabby keeping to herself most of the day after that. There was a somber mood throughout the house, no one able to forget the horrific things they saw that morning. Throughout the day, she'd debated calling Matt. She wanted to hear his voice, to talk to him about it, but every time she worked up the nerve she got called out, or someone had distracted her. And before she knew it, shift was over and it was time to go home.
And now that she was away from it, the last thing she wanted to do was talk about it. She knew Matt would be able to tell something was wrong, and she wouldn't hide that from him anyway. But she didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to be distracted for the night. Hopefully, she'd find a way to do so.
Drawing in a deep breath, Gabby reached over the console to grab her shift bag from the floor, her movements halting when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Placing the bag on her passenger seat, she pulled her phone out, glancing down to see a text from Matt.
'Hey, let me know when you get home. I'm gonna come out to meet you.'
Gabby's eyebrows furrowed at his message, confusion filling her features as she sent him a reply.
'Just got here. Is everything okay?'
She waited for a few seconds, seeing him read the message and immediately begin typing his response.
'See you in a sec.'
The confused look never left her face as she climbed from her car, sliding her phone back into her pocket as she locked up the vehicle, beginning the walk towards their back door. It only took a few minutes for her to get to the path that led her to the apartment, her head tilting up to find Matt standing outside their door, a wide grin resting on his face as he came to meet her halfway down the sidewalk.
"Hey." She greeted cautiously, Matt kissing the small, confused frown off her face.
"Hi. How was your day?"
Seeing her blow out a heavy sigh, worry filled Matt's features before she could even respond. "It was…"
"What happened? They didn't give you a hard time about working for the CFD, did they?" He asked quickly, placing his hands over her arms, rubbing up and down in a comforting motion.
"No, nothing like that. Everyone there was so excited to hear I'm staying. It was the calls, there were some rough ones."
Matt's look of concern morphed into one of sympathy, giving her a soft, supportive smile as he squeezed her arms gently.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not tonight…" She responded, earning an understanding nod from Matt before he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "But I am curious as to why you're out here waiting for me. I'm not really sure why we're out here." She spoke with a raised eyebrow, smiling as she saw a goofy grin appear on his face. "What's going on, Matt?"
"I have a surprise for you." He replied, his voice almost giddy. And while she found his excitement adorable, she had no idea what was going on.
"What is it?"
"You'll have to come with me to find out." He spoke lightly, moving from his spot in front of her to stand behind her, bringing his hands up to cover her eyes.
"Seriously? Is this necessary, I can just keep my eyes closed." She responded, feeling Matt slowly ease them forward, Gabby hearing him chuckle softly behind her.
"Just bear with me, alright? You'll see soon enough." He promised, his voice low as he spoke into her ear, Gabby releasing a soft sigh as she let him lead her inside. She could vaguely make out where they were as she trusted him to get her into the apartment, Matt making her promise to keep her eyes closed while he got the door shut, a promise which she kept. Despite wanting to know what he had waiting for her, his excitement was too cute for her to ruin the surprise. "Okay, we're in. Let me take that." He muttered, taking the shift bag from her hands, Gabby hearing it hit the ground as he brought his hands back up to cover her eyes, carefully leading them further into the apartment.
"I'm not gonna look." She chuckled, hearing him huff out a breath as they came to a stop.
"No, we're here. Just… before you open your eyes, let me remind you that I'm not really the overly romantic type. I mean, I do okay, but hopefully you like this."
"Matt, just show me." She whined, practically able to feel the smile he had resting on his face.
"Alright." He responded, dropping his hands to her shoulders. "You can look."
Gabby opened her eyes, expecting to have to adjust to the harsh lights in the room, but she was surprised to find the apartment dimly lit, two candles sitting on the coffee table. Along with the candles were two plates sitting there, accompanied by a stack of something Gabby couldn't make out. While it was a sweet gesture, she wasn't sure what had him acting so different.
"You made me dinner?" She questioned, Matt chuckling softly as he came to stand beside her, reaching for her hand.
"Well, yes. But that's not the surprise." He replied, leading her towards the couch where their meal was waiting for them. They sat down beside each other, Gabby inspecting the stack of what she realized to be photos sitting in between their food. Upon closer look, she realized it was a photo of them. It was an old picture, from a night a long time ago. It was from a night out at Molly's, the two far too intoxicated for their own good, Shay having come up to them and taken a photo out of nowhere. Despite the alcohol, Gabby remembered that night clearly. How they'd been attached at the hip all evening, how they were hanging off one another as they drank. And the photo documented it clearly, Gabby seeing two people laughing, holding onto each other tightly. Too tightly for two people who were only friends.
The photo brought a gentle smile to her face, but she was confused as to why it was here, why the stack of at least fifty photos sitting in front of her was here.
"Matt, what is this?" She questioned, turning to look at him, finding him watching her with a soft smile on his face.
"Well, uh…" He cleared his throat, Gabby sensing his nerves as she angled her body towards him. "I couldn't stop thinking about what you said, how you don't feel like you're yourself anymore… ever since what happened in Puerto Rico. And, I don't know, I thought maybe if we went through and looked at these pictures, and we could be reminded of those moments, it would help you see that you're still that same person. That you're still the same woman you've always been."
Tears were welling in her eyes by the time he finished speaking, Gabby fighting to hold them back as Matt looked from the stack of photos towards her, a frown forming over his face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad, I thought it would help. I-"
Matt got cut off by Gabby slamming her lips into his, kissing him heatedly as she gripped his face in her hands. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up, Matt putting his hand on her expanding waist as he deepened the kiss, the two battling until air became a priority.
Breathing heavily as they pulled back, a smile found its way to Matt's face, Gabby rubbing her thumb over his cheek.
"Thank you." She whispered, a wide smile resting on her face despite the tears sitting in her eyes, Matt leaning forward to place a much more chaste kiss against her lips.
"You wanna look at them?" Wordlessly, Gabby nodded, picking up the stack as they began to flip through them while slowly eating their dinner, each picture bringing up a fond memory.
There were pictures of them before they got together, and after. Pictures of them at the firehouse, at Molly's, some of them here. There were photos of them in their gear back when she was a firefighter. Photos from their wedding, from the evening at Molly's when he'd given her her wedding ring. There were even photos of them with Louie.
Their entire life together was laid out in front of her, Gabby not able to stop the tears escaping down her cheeks as she was reminded of past memories, each one filling her with nothing but warmth.
She spent several moments on each picture, letting herself go back to each day, wanting to relish in the memories these photos elicited, their dinner soon forgotten as they were curled up on the couch, Matt letting her flip through the pictures at her own speed.
"I don't remember this one." Gabby spoke suddenly. She'd been staring at the photo for a few seconds, trying to work out where it had come from, but she was coming up empty. "Man, we look rough." She commented, referring to their bruised bodies in the candid picture.
"Shay took that." Matt replied, Gabby forcing her eyes away from the photo to look at him. "It was after the bombing the day of the race, at the hospital. Once we were both feeling a little better, we went to visit Shay in the hospital. The second we walked in, she took that. Said she wanted the reminder that we all made it out okay." He spoke carefully, seeing realization wash over her. He knew it was a touchy subject, considering it was only a few short weeks later that Shay had been so cruelly taken from them.
"Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten about that." She mused quietly, looking back towards the picture.
"Yeah, she was taking them of everyone who came to visit her."
"I never really thought about it, but I guess I never saw this picture."
"She sent it to me about a week later." He told her, Gabby nodding as her eyes stayed focused on the image.
Glancing to the picture, Matt could clearly make out the damage done to her body that day. And his own memory of her injuries was permanently ingrained in him, Matt remembering how awful he felt seeing her bruised and battered body for the first time. How her being thrown around and trapped under a building had left its fair share of marks. But sitting here, looking at this photo, there was only one thing he was thinking about right now, and it was something he knew she needed to hear.
"You said you don't feel like yourself." His voice was quiet, Gabby turning back to look at him as his words hit her ears. "That you feel like you're not the same person you were before you left… but you know how I know you're still the same person? Because you got through it." Gabby kept her eyes focused on him as he spoke, listening intently as he tightened his grip on her. "You fought like hell to get away, you fought like hell to get back here. And you came out the other side stronger despite it. You haven't let it control you. And I know there's times when you feel like everything has changed, that you have changed, but you're still Gabby. Change doesn't mean you're not you anymore." He cleared the emotion from his throat, pausing to take a breath before continuing. "You're not the exact same person you were when you left, but that doesn't mean you're not still you. Both of us have changed a lot since then, neither of us are the same people we were before this happened... I know you think that you're an entirely different person because of this, but you're not. You're still the same strong, determined, self-assured woman that I fell in love with and nothing will ever change that."
Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as he spoke, the conviction in his voice filling her body with warmth as he brought his hand up to cradle the side of her face.
"I know there are some things that are different. I know you feel like you're not as confident in yourself as you used to be, that what happened took a part of you and you'll never be able to get it back." Her bottom lip quivered as the words left his lips, Matt rubbing his thumb over her cheek. "You went through something terrible, and I can't even pretend to know what that feels like. And maybe there are parts of you that will never go back to exactly how they used to be, but you're still my Gabby. What you went through, what you're still dealing with… you are the strongest person I know. You always have been. You're a fighter, what happened to you doesn't change that." He kept his voice strong, forcing back the tears in his eyes. "When I look at you, I don't see the Gabby that came home after being attacked. All I see is Gabby. I see the woman I fell in love with years ago. I see the same amazing woman that I've known for a decade. I see you. You're still you."
Endless tears were rolling down her cheeks, Gabby losing the battle with her emotions as Matt tried to wipe away some of the water resting on her skin.
"Thank you." She whispered, her voice barely audible as she moved to place the photos down on the coffee table, turning back towards him.
"Do you wanna look at the rest of them?" He questioned, taken by surprise when Gabby slowly straddled him, Matt putting his hands on her hips to help guide her movements, feeling her small bump resting against his stomach.
"Later." She whispered, capturing his lips within hers in a passionate kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pushed herself down against him, Matt groaning into her mouth. He kept a firm grip on her hips as Gabby deepened the kiss, her hands sliding from his neck down his chest, grasping at the material of his shirt, desperate to get it off his body. Understanding her actions, he lifted up from the back of the couch, giving Gabby the chance to remove the material, only disconnecting long enough to pull the shirt over his head, Gabby tossing it aimlessly aside as their lips found each others once more.
Their movements became frantic, Matt untucking her shirt from her pants and pulling it over her head, throwing it elsewhere as he placed kisses on her exposed skin, hearing her gasp in his ear. She ducked her head to find his lips again, kissing him desperately before pulling back, standing up from the couch, looking down to see Matt staring up at her with wanting eyes, panting heavily.
"I'll meet you in the bedroom." She whispered, turning around and walking towards the room, Matt sucking in a deep breath as he watched her go. He quickly blew out the candles, knowing everything else could be cleaned up later as he pushed himself up from the couch, heading towards the bedroom, following the trail of clothes she'd left in her path.
So, what do we think? I know some of you have said how you miss the feisty Gabby, and while we've seen flashes of her, she's still having a hard time getting back to who she was. But maybe now after that last conversation with Matt, we'll start seeing more of the old Gabby again.
Also, I know there were some of you that didn't like Gabby's plans to stay with the SAS permanently. Trust me, that decision was probably the one I second guessed the most throughout this story. I know a few of you don't agree with it, and that's fine. I'm sorry for that, I know I can't please everyone but still, I am sorry to those of you who don't like my choice there. All I'm gonna say is that even though she feels that way now, there's no telling what she'll want months from now. Right now she's still nervous about returning to 51, so it's understandable that she'd still feel more comfortable also staying in her new job. But, things are always changing and who knows, maybe she'll change her mind once she gets back into the swing of things at 51. We'll have to wait and see what happens.
Thank you all so much for reading. I appreciate all the love and support you all have given me. It's been kind of a rough week, personally, for me, and reading all the reviews you guys have left me on both my stories has seriously lifted my mood so much. It's helped a lot, so thank you. I hope you guys enjoyed this one. Next chapter, Gabby's back at 51, I know you all are excited for that.
I can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter. I appreciate any feedback you have, whether it's positive or you think there's some things I can do better, I'm just thankful there's still people reading and reviewing this story.
Until next time.