Here's the next chapter for you guys. It's Gabby's first day back at 51. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Forty One
Gabby felt the steady rise and fall of Matt's chest under her head as she lay there wide awake, darkness covering their room. Today was the day, she was returning to 51. And she hadn't been able to get much sleep because of it.
With the combination of her nerves and her feeling the urge to use the bathroom every hour, she hadn't gotten much rest. But despite her being up most of the night, Matt had slept like a baby. He'd come to bed a little later than she had, but aside from waking up a couple times when she'd gone to the bathroom, he was out.
When she came back to bed for the last time, she rolled into his side, Matt subconsciously pulling her closer in his sleep, his arm hooking under her and coming to rest on her stomach, his palm covering her small bump. When he first pulled her close, she assumed he'd woken up, but one quick glance to him told her he was still deep within his slumber, his free hand resting over his own stomach.
That had been over an hour ago now, and other than a few minutes of rest here and there, she'd been wide awake. She felt butterflies in her stomach, knowing today was either going to be a great day, or she'd find out she'd been right all along, that her returning to 51 was a bad idea. She was hoping for the first one, though, Gabby choosing to believe everything that Matt told her was true. That everyone wanted her back. For the sake of her stress level, she had to believe him.
But that didn't stop her from being nervous, and she knew her nerves would only grow until she got settled in at the house. She was just glad her anxiousness wasn't disrupting Matt's sleep. She worried about him every time he ran into a burning building, but the thought of him running into one of those buildings on little to no sleep, that only made her worry more.
"Quit thinking so loud." He mumbled under his breath, a small smile falling onto her face as she lifted her cheek from his bare chest, looking up towards him to find his eyes still closed, a slight smirk resting on his lips.
Blindly moving his hand from her stomach to her head, Matt stroked her hair as he released a content sigh, his eyes slowly fluttering open. "Did you get any rest?" He questioned, his voice thick with sleep.
"Some. Not as much as you, though." She responded, tracing her fingertips over his chest.
"Yeah, I heard you keep getting up. You feeling okay?" Matt asked, clearing his throat as he stilled his hand's movements, resting his palm on the side of her head.
"I'm fine, just kept feeling like I had to pee." She answered, earning a knowing nod from him. Gabby placed a soft kiss over his breastbone before returning her head to its previous position, cuddling into him.
"And how's baby feeling?" He asked softly, his fingers tracing random patterns over her back, the action causing a chill to run through her spine.
"Baby's good. Ready for our big day." She murmured, Matt suddenly adjusting their positions, carefully turning them so she was resting on her back, moving slowly to not upset her stomach. With curious eyes, she watched him as he partially hovered over her, keeping his weight off of her as he gave her a gentle kiss. His hand slid under her oversized shirt, coming to rest on her bump as they kissed, Gabby welcoming his movements. They stayed connected for a few moments, their actions soft and chaste, his warm palm cradling their child protectively.
Pulling back, Matt caught her hazy gaze, a warm smile finding his face as he placed another quick kiss to her lips. "Good morning."
"Yes, it is." She responded breathily, Matt chuckling as he slid down the bed, lifting her shirt as he went, Gabby's hand running through his hair.
"And good morning to you." He whispered against her stomach, placing a few gentle kisses against her belly, his thumb stroking her skin as he admired her slightly rounded stomach. "Today's an exciting day, little one." Matt murmured, Gabby's eyes falling closed as she listened to him talk to their child. "You're gonna be good for your Momma, aren't you?" He questioned, moving his warm palm over her skin. "I know she's a little nervous, but hopefully once we get there, she'll realize that Daddy was right, and she had nothing to be nervous about. And you know, she never likes to admit this, but Daddy's right most of the time." He spoke softly, earning a swat on the back of the head from Gabby.
"Quit turning our child against me."
"I'm just having a conversation with our baby, baby." He replied with a sheepish grin, placing another kiss against her stomach before crawling back up towards her, resting his hand on the side of her face. "But really, you know there's no reason to be nervous, right? Everyone is very excited to have you back."
"Yes, well, that's what you keep telling me." She responded, placing her hand on his chest. "I think I'll feel better once I'm there and can get through the first few calls. Once I'm settled, I'm hoping some of these nerves will go away."
"I'm sure they will. Everything's gonna be fine." He reassured her once more, placing a soft kiss to her lips before he sat up, tossing the sheets off of him as got out of bed, beginning to move around the room. "Have you thought anymore about how you want to tell them?" He asked as he got to the dresser.
"I don't know, really." She responded, stretching her arms over her head. "I know we need to tell them soon, if anything just for my own safety." Her words earned a nod from Matt as he disappeared into the closet, going in search of his shift clothes. "But I haven't actually thought of how I want to tell them, or how much I want to tell them... I feel like they should know about the aneurysm, I don't want to leave them in the dark about that."
"It's up to you." He spoke as he came back into her view, holding his pants and Captain's shirt, his belt hanging over his shoulder. "Whatever details you want to share, that's your call. I'm just excited to show off the ultrasound pictures." He said with a grin, Gabby shaking her head as she climbed out of their bed, Matt having just finished laying out his clothes for the day. "I know there's a lot to this, and a lot of it's difficult for you to talk about." He spoke gently, wrapping his arms around her waist as she came to stand beside him. "So, however much you feel comfortable telling them, it's completely up to you."
"Thank you." She whispered, pecking his lips gently before pulling out of his grasp, beginning her routine to get ready for the day.
In under an hour, both of them had gotten showered and dressed, Matt finishing packing up his shift bag while Gabby stood in front of the mirror, staring at her appearance. It felt weird for her to be in this uniform again, the dark grey material a little tighter than the last time she'd worn it.
"I think I'm gonna need some bigger shirts." She commented, Matt turning around to find her looking at herself, a soft grin resting on his face as he saw her place her hand over her stomach. Every day it was getting harder and harder for her to hide her expanding stomach, and the uniform she hadn't worn with any regularity in over ten months was a little snug against her growing body. He knew with her jacket on, no one would be able to tell, but their little baby definitely wasn't something they'd be able to hide for long, not if Gabby's body had anything to say about it.
"How you doing?" He asked her, coming up to stand behind her, holding up her blue jacket for her to slip her arms into.
"Feels weird. Good, but weird. I know I wore this a few months ago when I covered for Brett, but that was different... I never thought I'd be back in these clothes again." She mused, zipping up the clothing halfway, assessing herself in the mirror. Matt figured she must've been happy with what she saw once she turned away from her reflection, continuing to get ready for the long day ahead.
"Remember what we talked about," Matt spoke up after a few minutes of silence, the two having been in their own heads while they got ready, "if you're not feeling up for something, don't do it. And expect at least hourly check-ins from me."
"Only hourly?" She teased, picking up her bag from the bed, Matt grabbing it out of her hands before she could hoist it over her shoulder.
"Watch it, or I won't leave you alone all day."
"Sounds more like a reward than a punishment." She replied suggestively, Matt raising his eyebrows at her bluntness, a wide grin forming on his face.
"Easy there, Dawson." Her last name fell from his mouth lightly, Gabby biting her bottom lip. "You're gonna need to be a little more professional when we get to the firehouse."
"Understood, Casey." She responded with a smirk, tapping his cheek gently before sliding past him, Matt's eyes following her body as she moved towards the door, soon disappearing from his sight.
Shaking his head, Matt took a few deep breaths, steadying himself as he stood beside their bed. During her first trimester, and the last few weeks in particular, Gabby had been kind of all over the place in terms of feeling in the mood for some extracurricular fun. There had been days where it seemed like all she wanted was him, and others where the last thing she wanted was his hands on her. He knew it was normal, that there were days she didn't exactly feel like herself and the constant throwing up, fatigue, and aches and pains didn't really make her feel sexy. But despite all that, he always did his best to make sure she knew how beautiful she was, and whenever the moment presented itself, Matt surely did enjoy when Gabby felt up for some fun. Since the trip to the hospital and her orders afterward had also halted their activities for a couple weeks, Matt always made sure to let her take the lead. He knew her body was sore more often than not, and despite his needs, he left the pace of things up to her.
But over the last few days, he had definitely noticed a shift in her attitude towards herself. It wasn't even just the passionate activities they'd taken part in over the past couple days, he could tell she was beginning to feel like herself again. He knew with her moving into her second trimester, that was typically when women began feeling better than they had throughout the first, but he also knew every woman was different. There was no way to tell how her body or her mind would react to the changes happening to her, but he was more than thankful to see her starting to regain some of her spark. And he was especially grateful for her increase in energy, the two having taken advance of that more often than not the past couple mornings. In fact, he knew they would've made it three mornings in a row if not for the time constraints of getting ready for shift. That if they didn't need to leave soon, they would've started their day by falling back into bed. But with their limited time, that would have to wait.
"C'mon Captain," Gabby called from the kitchen, breaking him from his thoughts, "wouldn't want me being late on my first day." Her voice echoed through the otherwise silent apartment, Matt releasing a soft chuckle before heading towards the door, turning off the light as he went.
Casey held their shift bags in one hand and Gabby's in his other as they walked up the driveway, matching each other's stride as they headed into work together. Matt was trying his best to contain his excitement, but he wasn't doing a very good job, the wide grin plastered on his face showing exactly how thrilled he was to have her back at 51.
"Dawson!"
Matt gave Gabby's hand a reassuring squeeze as Herrmann approached them, a few members of 51 following as they formed a circle beside 81.
"It's good to have you back, kid." Herrmann spoke, Gabby placing her other hand on top of her and Matt's conjoined ones, leaning into his side slightly as she flashed them a smile, gaining strength through his presence.
"It's good to be back." She responded. "I know it was all kind of last minute, but I'm glad to be here." She told them, earning smiles from around the growing circle of firefighters.
"This is gonna be fun, Dawson back at 51. Can't wait to see what kind of trouble you're gonna get us into, girl." Kidd spoke with a grin, coming up to hug Gabby from the side, the paramedic reciprocating the action.
Gabby got passed around the group after Stella let go of her, greeting the ones who came up to her while staying close to Matt's side, mindful not to hug anyone too tight.
It didn't take long for the group to start dispersing after a few more welcoming words, Matt and Gabby walking towards the locker room, needing to put their things away before the day got started.
"Guess I'll have to find myself a new locker." She commented, her eyes glancing towards her old locker before she looked around the room, finding an empty one down at the end of the row.
"Yeah, although I'm not opposed to sharing." He responded with a grin, pulling his locker door open and hanging up his bag.
Before she could reply, the bells rang throughout the house, signaling 61 to a car accident.
"Looks like that'll have to do for now." She spoke, handing her bag to Matt as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss.
"Be safe out there." He called as she headed for the exit, earning a nod from her before she disappeared around the corner.
Gabby quickly made her way through the firehouse, tightening her ponytail as she went through the double doors, finding Brett and Foster walking towards the rig. Brett went straight for the driver's seat, Gabby deciding to head for the back, but she didn't get very far before her path was impeded.
"Sit up front with Brett." Foster spoke with a soft smile.
"You sure?"
Emily nodded, her eyes flashing towards Dawson's stomach, Gabby soon remembering both her and Brett knew about her baby. For some reason, that had completely slipped her mind when she walked in this morning, Gabby forgetting that her partners knew of her pregnancy. "I'm sure, go ahead."
Silently, Gabby gave a slight nod and a soft smile, moving towards the passenger seat, both her and Foster climbing in before Brett pulled from the garage.
The drive was comfortably quiet, Gabby focusing on the city passing them by as Brett drove them to the scene. While it felt strange being back in this ambo, something about it felt normal. It felt like no time had passed, even though it had been almost a year since she worked here with any regularity. It was a weird feeling that she couldn't really explain, but she was just thankful to not be feeling those nerves and the apprehension that had been settling in her stomach since she made the decision to return to 51.
"You ready, Dawson?" Brett asked as she put the rig in park, Gabby nodding in response before they got out to get to work.
Dawson made the decision to stay back during the first call, letting Brett and Foster take the lead, doing what was asked of her as they assessed the victims in the car. This was her first time officially working with both of them, and she was content just getting a feel for things. She didn't want to assert herself too soon, especially when she wasn't able to physically do much, so she hung back, handing them supplies as the two women maneuvered through the crushed car.
In under an hour, they had gotten the victim out and in the rig, Dawson working with Foster in the back while Brett drove them to med. The man was unconscious but stable, the handoff at the hospital going smoothly, Dawson helping Brett restock their supplies while Foster completed the paperwork.
To Gabby's surprise, the three of them had worked quite well together during their first call. The days leading up to her return, she hadn't known what to expect from working with both Brett and Foster, but so far everything was good. And she wasn't sure who had informed them, but it was clear both paramedics knew of her limitations, neither of them asking her to do things she wouldn't be able to. Her first call had gone better than expected, and even just sitting in the back of the ambo with Brett, the calmness she felt in this moment gave her confidence in her choice to come back. Things weren't one hundred percent with her and Brett, or with her and most of the house really, but it made her realize that they might be able to get there one day. Gabby would've expected being around Brett to be uncomfortable and awkward for the both of them, but there was none of that. It was a peaceful, and it reminded her of how they used to be. It gave her hope that in time, things could possibly return to how they were before everything happened. And that's all she wanted. She wanted to feel at home here again, and for the first time since coming back, she had the slightest bit of faith that it might be a real possibility.
"61?"
"Yeah, we're here." Brett responded back through the radio, shoving the drawer closed before stepping down from the rig.
"Truck 81 was called to an accident on the Wells Street Bridge, they're requesting backup."
"Alright, we're on it. We just finished up at med, we'll be there soon." She responded, seeing Foster coming through the sliding glass doors, the woman having heard Main's request through her own radio.
Quickly packing up, the three paramedics hurried to the scene, finding Truck 81 there as well as a few other ambulances. The second they pulled up and began unloading, they heard a loud explosion, Gabby ducking slightly at the noise, looking over to find a car burning in the middle of the bridge.
"You alright, Dawson?" Foster asked softly, placing a hand over her arm.
"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." She assured her new partner, her eyes searching the area as Brett and Foster grabbed the supplies from the back. She saw members of 81 working on getting the fire out, but she couldn't find Matt.
It felt like an eternity had passed as they walked closer to the scene, but soon she found him, seeing Matt coming from behind the fiery vehicle, cradling a small boy in his arms. She released a heavy breath, one she didn't realize she'd been holding, getting the confirmation she needed that he was alright as Matt approached their stretcher.
The small boy clung to his neck as Casey put him down, Matt having to coax him to release his tight little grip. "You're alright, I promise. These paramedics are my friends and they're gonna take great care of you." Matt assured him, the boy releasing his grip as he cautiously looked towards the three new faces.
"What's your name, little man?" Gabby asked, coming around to stand beside Matt, Brett and Foster on the opposite side of the bed.
"Michael." He coughed out, Foster preparing the oxygen mask.
"My name's Gabby." She responded gently, Matt watching with a small smile as Gabby comforted the boy. "I know this is all scary, but you're gonna be fine. We're gonna get you to the hospital where they can check you out, everything's alright."
"Are my moms okay?" He nearly whimpered, Gabby looking to Matt for guidance, not knowing the status of his parents.
"Both of them are fine, Michael." Casey assured him, seeing the little boy relax at his words. "Our other friends are getting them to the hospital, and you can see them there."
"We're gonna give you some air to help you breathe a little better, alright?" Foster prepared him gently, holding up the oxygen mask towards him. But Michael quickly shied away from it, his small hand reaching for Matt's that hung by the bed.
"Hey, there's nothing to be scared of." Casey assured him, grabbing the mask from Emily's hand. "See, look." Matt began demonstrating how it worked, keeping it far enough away from his face to keep it sterile, but close enough so Michael could understand. Casey took a few deep breaths, Michael's eyes focused on him as Matt held the mask up. "There's nothing to be scared of, buddy."
Slowly, Michael nodded, Casey handing the mask to Gabby so she could gently put it over his face.
"See it's not so bad, right? And plus it'll help you stay big and strong." Matt spoke with a smile, seeing a small one peak out from behind the Michael's mask. "Now, I have to stay here with my firefighters, but you're in the best hands okay? All of these paramedics are gonna take great care of you, alright? And if you get scared, just hold onto Gabby's hand." Matt spoke, Michael's eyes moving from Casey towards Gabby. "She's really good at keeping me calm when I'm scared, so I know she can help you too." At Matt's words, Michael dropped his grip on Casey's hand, but quickly picked up Gabby's, his anxiety still high. "See? She'll be with you the whole time you're in the ambulance. Everything's fine." Matt soothed, earning a nod from the boy.
"Alright, let's get him to med." Brett spoke.
"Are you okay?" Gabby asked Matt quietly as they walked towards the ambulance, feeling the tight grip Michael still had on her hand. She could see soot over Matt's face, his appearance telling her he'd been close to the fire in the car, and most likely close to the explosion.
"I'm fine." He assured her, rubbing her back as Brett and Foster loaded Michael into the ambulance.
"Gabby?" Michael's muffled voice called through the mask, Dawson having to drop his hand while they got him in the back.
"I'm right here buddy." She responded, Matt keeping his hand on her back while she climbed into the ambulance, Gabby taking up residence by Michael's head, the small boy reaching for her hand when she came into view.
"I'll see you back at the house." Matt told her, Gabby nodding with a small grin before he shut the back doors, Brett pulling away to get them to med.
Matt sat focused at his desk in his office, trying to get a head start on the paperwork from the last call when he heard soft tapping on his closed door. Turning around, a soft smile fell onto his face when he saw Gabby standing on there, Matt nodding her in as he dropped his pen on the desk, turning his chair completely to face her as she came into his office.
"Hey." She greeted softly from the doorway.
"There's my two favorite people." He responded, Gabby feeling heat rise to her cheeks at his words, taking a few steps further inside the small room, closing the door behind her. "How are you?"
"I'm good. We're both good." She replied, coming to a stop beside him, Matt wrapping his arm around her waist, resting his head against her chest.
"How is it being back? Now that you got your feet wet a little bit." He spoke, feeling Gabby's hand come up to run through his hair, gentle scratching his head.
"It feels good, honestly. It wasn't nearly as weird as I was expecting… the work part, at least. I haven't had a lot of time to spend with everyone, but working with Brett and Foster has gone pretty well so far."
"Good." He responded, his free hand coming up to mess with the zipper on her jacket, Gabby watching him curiously as he slid the metal down, opening the material. Before she could question his actions, she watched him place his palm over her stomach, a warm smile falling onto her face as he cupped her bump.
The two stood like that for a moment, Matt resting against her while she continuously stroked her fingers through his hair, the two enjoying the quiet they'd found for themselves, Gabby focusing on the movement of his thumb over her abdomen.
"You know, I think the kid listened to you this morning." She voiced quietly, Matt pulling back to look up at her. "They haven't been giving me any problems so far. No nausea or fatigue or anything yet. I know it's still early, but so far so good."
"Of course they listened." He replied with a smug grin. "Because Daddy's their favorite." His voice dropped as he spoke to her stomach, Gabby scoffing playfully as Matt looked back up to her, tapping his fingers against her waist. "Speaking of kids, how'd Michael do?"
"He was good when we left." Gabby responded, seeing some of the tension leave his body. "He had some signs of smoke inhalation, and a sprained shoulder, but he'll be okay."
"Good, that's good." Matt responded, Gabby leaning down to place a quick kiss to the top of his head. "And his mothers?"
"They were both okay. Michael was scared, so I stayed in there with him until one of his moms could get there. I guess the other one, her name's Trisha, she had some pretty bad burns."
"Yeah, it didn't look pretty when we got her out of there."
"But she'll be okay." Gabby assured him. "There were no life-threatening injuries. Michael's going to be fine, they all will be."
"Good, I'm glad. I'm glad his parents are gonna be okay, he was so scared and I felt like I wasn't really able to help him… I'm just happy they'll be fine."
"Matt, you're the only reason he wasn't completely losing his mind." She responded quickly, catching his gaze. "You helped him so much, he was even talking about you at the hospital."
"Really?"
"Mhmm. He said that he was scared, but he knew it would be okay because Captain Matt said it would be." She replied gently. "You helped him, baby. Not only did you probably save his life, but you kept him calm, and reassured him. He got through today because of you, don't ever doubt that."
Matt nodded, feeling Gabby move her hand from his hair down to his cheek, stroking his skin softly as she gave him a warm smile.
"Our kid is so lucky, you know." She murmured thoughtfully after a few seconds, Matt's eyebrows furrowing at her words.
"What do you mean?"
"Our child will be the luckiest kid on the planet, having a father like you." She elaborated, causing a wide grin to fall onto his face. "You're gonna be an amazing father, Matt. And I already knew that, I've seen it, but I don't know… seeing how you are with our child already, and seeing you with Michael today, it just made me realize how excited I am to see you with our baby... Hopefully I get to see it."
The room in the mood turned somber, Matt shaking his head forcefully.
"Gabby…"
"No matter what happens to me, I know our child is going to be so loved. You're going to be the best father, Matt." She whispered, tears clouding her vision. Matt blinked back tears of his own, biting down on his tongue before clearing his throat.
"Nothing is going to happen to you." He spoke as sternly as he could manage, tightening his grip around her waist. "You're gonna be here to meet our beautiful son," Gabby couldn't stop the eye-roll at Matt's pronoun, tapping his cheek to knock the smirk away from his lips, "and you're gonna be here to watch me mess up, over and over again." He continued, earning a watery laugh from her. "And more importantly, I'm gonna get to see you be the most amazing mother in the world. Our kid is lucky because they have you, they're gonna need you to make sure I don't screw them up."
Gabby was thankful Matt had turned the tide of the conversation to a more lighthearted one. She hadn't meant to bring down the room, but it had been on her mind since seeing Matt with that boy and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. She hoped and prayed she'd be able to see him with their child, that she'd be around to see their child grow up. But if she couldn't, if something does end up happening to her, all she wants is just one moment to see her family together. Even if it's only for a second.
"You're gonna be fine, Gabby." Matt spoke again, like he'd been able to read her mind. Snapping back into focus, she nodded slowly, running her teeth over her bottom lip as she tried to get ahold of her emotions.
"Yeah, I know." She responded quietly. Even though they both knew that wasn't true; they didn't know what would happen, but they had to believe she'd be fine. "It's just that sometimes I forget… for just a minute I forget that something could happen to me. Like when we're having an ultrasound, or when you're talking to them in the morning, it's the last thing on my mind. But then when I do remember it's like it hits me all over again."
Matt gave her a supportive nod, knowing there was nothing he could do to fix this. Even though he knew how awful the idea of losing her was, he had no idea what she was going through, he couldn't pretend to know what this was like for her. But all he could do was be there for her, and remind her that everything would be okay. That their baby was fine, and she would be fine. All they could do was believe everything would turn out okay. So that's what he did.
Dropping his hands from her body, Matt stood up, pulling Gabby into his arms the second he could, feeling her wrap her arms around his waist tightly, digging her head into his neck. "Everything's gonna be fine… you just have to believe that. The both of us do." He spoke softly, rubbing his hands up and down her back.
"I know." She whispered, Matt barely able to hear her response.
The two stood holding onto each other for a few minutes, Gabby needing this moment more than she realized as Matt kept his grip firm, constantly reminding her of his presence, his actions doing more for her than words could in the moment.
After a few long, quiet minutes had passed, Gabby slowly pulled back, her arms still around him as she met his gaze.
"I think we should go tell everyone about the baby."
"Right now?" He questioned, brushing some loose hair behind her ear.
"Mhmm. They all need to know, and since I'm already thinking about it, might as well get all the aneurysm stuff out in the open." She responded.
"So you want to tell them about it?"
"I do." She replied quickly. "I think it'll help them understand why I left so quickly last summer, and-" Gabby cut herself off, swallowing the lump in her throat before continuing. "If something does happen to me, I don't want them to find out about it after the fact… I don't know, I feel like it's better if they know now. Not that it could make anything better, but at least they're aware."
"I'm fine with however much you want to tell them, you know that." He spoke, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"I know." She responded, pulling out of his grasp, zipping back up her jacket before looking towards him. "You ready?"
Matt nodded, following her towards the door, the two walking out of his office, beginning to move towards the common room. As they approached the room, they saw the majority of the house in there, but there were a few people missing.
"I'm gonna go get Boden, can you get squad in here?" Gabby asked, Matt nodding as the two went their separate ways, Matt heading for the garage. Within seconds, he found who he was looking for, seeing all of squad residing at their table.
"Hey guys, can you all come inside for a second?" Casey asked, gaining their attention. "Dawson and I wanna talk to you about something."
"Sure thing, Captain." Cruz responded as all of the men got up, Matt hanging back to wait on Severide, the two walking behind the rest of the group.
"You guys telling everyone?" Kelly asked quietly.
"We are."
"Everything?"
"I don't know, I'm just gonna let Gabby take the lead on that one." Matt responded as they entered the house, Casey finding a lot of confused gazes on him.
"Everything alright, Captain? Capp said you wanted to talk to us?" Otis questioned, all eyes in the room on Matt.
"Uh, yeah. Gabby and I both do, actually." He answered just as Gabby came in through the side entrance, Boden following close behind her. She walked through the room to get back to Matt, everyone watching her closely as she came to stand by his side.
"Something going on?" Herrmann asked cautiously, Matt glancing to Gabby, giving her a warm, reassuring smile.
"Well, there's something we want to talk to you all about… some news we have to share." She prefaced, feeling Matt place his hand on the small of her back.
"I'm pregnant." She blurted out, catching the shocked reactions from nearly everyone in the room, from all except those who had already known. Her eyes landed on Herrmann, the man smiling widely, happy tears forming in his eyes as he pushed himself up from the couch, coming to hug her tightly before she could get another word out.
"That's amazing, Gabby." He whispered as he held onto her, his actions causing everyone else to gather round, taking turns giving her and Matt congratulatory hugs.
It had taken a few minutes for the room to die down, Gabby pulling out of her embrace with Severide as she looked over the room, knowing the next part of this conversation wouldn't be easy.
"So, uh, that's why I'm working part-time here and at the SAS. This pregnancy, it messed up some things with my hours over there, and long story short, Boden was able to pull some strings to get me back here with you guys."
A few claps were heard around the room, excitement filling the air.
"We're glad you're back, Gabby. And I'm so happy for you guys." Brett called from her seat at the table, a chorus of similar sentiments echoing around the common room.
"I'm glad to be back, really I am. And I'm so grateful to Boden for helping me find a way to come back here and be with you guys again. I know things have been a little… different, since I came back. And I know you guys were confused, and probably still are, about everything that's happened and what made me leave and all that…"
Gabby glanced back towards Matt, who in all the chaos had ended up a few feet behind her, silently asking him to come back to her side. He understood her request instantly, pushing himself off the wall and walking towards her, coming to a stop beside her, placing his hand over her back.
"This is kind of a lot to get through, but I want you guys to know what caused me to make the decisions I did, and what this pregnancy means for me."
Gabby's words earned a lot of confused and unsettled faces around the common room, knowing that aside from her and Matt, Kelly was the only other person in this room who knew everything she was about to say. And the thought of laying this all out in the open was daunting, but they needed to know. She wanted them to know.
"Whatever it is, kid, we're here for you." Herrmann responded, Gabby giving him a thankful smile. Although he knew of her attack, he didn't know about her aneurysm, and out of everyone here, she was worried about his reaction the most.
"So, uh, I guess I'll just start at the beginning." She spoke, taking a deep breath, clasping her hands together tightly in front of her before continuing. "About a month before I left last year, Matt and I had decided we wanted to start trying to have a baby. After losing our first child, and then everything with Louie… we finally felt like it was the right time for us. But the more time that passed and I still wasn't pregnant, I started to get nervous. And impatient. So I suggested we go see my doctor to make sure nothing was wrong. Matt didn't love the idea, but we went. And when we were there, we found out that I have an aneurysm, from my previous pregnancy." Gabby stopped to take a breath, catching the multiple pairs of sad, worried eyes staring back at her. "It's in my right iliac artery, and basically what it means, what we were told at the time, is that I shouldn't get pregnant. That it's dangerous for me to carry a child to term; it could kill me."
You could hear a pin drop in the room as the weight of her words filled the heavy air, no one knowing what to say.
"So, uh, obviously, neither of us took the news well, it really messed with us." Gabby spoke nervously, glancing towards Matt. "We both were in shock, and we weren't really handling it. I definitely wasn't, I wanted to ignore it, so I did. But Matt couldn't, and it led to a lot of problems between us. There'd been some things we'd been dealing with before all this, but this just… it made everything so much worse. And in the middle of all this is when Chief Hatcher came to me about Puerto Rico. I had just gotten back from a pretty rough call," Gabby's gaze flashed towards Brett, seeing the regret she held in her eyes. "But when he first offered it, I never thought about it. I wasn't gonna do it, not with everything going on, so I essentially forgot about it. But then everything here just… it kept getting harder." She admitted, focusing on the feeling of Matt's comforting hand on her back. "I had ruined some relationships with people here, and then everything with Matt… everything was just falling apart. The day I ended up deciding to leave, Matt and I, we had a terrible fight. One I didn't think we could come back from, so I decided to go to Puerto Rico, to get some space and to have some time to come to terms with everything. But I never intended it to be permanent. The thought never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be coming back."
Gabby paused for a second, shifting her weight between her feet as she thought about how to begin the next part of her story. "But then when I was over there, I had a lot of time to think. It was nearing the end of my time there, and Matt and I were in no better place than we were when I left. We hadn't dealt with anything, and I hadn't really either. I felt so displaced from my life here, it felt easier to just try and move on. To give myself completely to my job there, and forget about everything that had happened here. It wasn't fair to Matt, or to you guys, and I'm sorry for that. I really am. But I wasn't doing well, the thought of coming back here was too hard. I was scared to come back and find out my old life wasn't salvageable, that Matt and I couldn't fix what we'd broken, and that I'd come back home just to lose everything. So I decided to stay there. But I never meant to hurt you guys."
There was a heavy silence in the room, no one knowing how to react to everything that had just been told to them. Matt moved closer to Gabby, placing a lingering kiss against the side of her head, her eyes falling closed momentarily as she focused on the feeling of him beside her, pushing away the nerves the silence around her was creating.
"So, uh… that's why I left, and that's what happened with Matt and I. And the aneurysm is why I have so many limitations on what I'm allowed to do. This pregnancy is dangerous for me, having this baby could end up killing me… But I wanted you guys to know, I'm sorry you were left in the dark for so long. I was just scared to come back here and face all of it again, I was worried that things could never go back to how they were. But I never intended to hurt you all."
"It's not your fault, kid." Herrmann spoke up first, tears shining in his eyes. "We've known you long enough to know you don't do anything without a damn good reason. I'm sorry we didn't reach out and check in. I'm sorry we only focused on ourselves, we should've seen that something was going on."
"We're so sorry, Dawson. For everything." Cruz said, Gabby shaking her head lightly.
"I don't want you guys blaming yourselves. I could've reached out sooner, I should've, I just…" Gabby took a deep breath, her hand coming up to rub over the side of her face. "There's something else you guys should know." She murmured, blinking back the tears in her eyes.
"Gabby, you don't have to." Matt immediately spoke up from her side, earning curious stares from those around the room.
"It's okay." She responded, locking eyes with him. "Really, I'm fine."
Nodding slowly, Matt backed down, moving closer to her as she began speaking. "Kelly told me a lot of you were surprised when you found out I was back, and I can't say I blame you. Even though I had been wanting to come back for awhile, I didn't plan on coming home, not until-" Gabby cut herself off, needing to take a few deep breaths to steady herself before she could continue. "When I was in Puerto Rico, I was attacked." She spoke quickly, her eyes finding their way to the ground, unable to meet all the looks of pity she was surely receiving.
But what she didn't see were the looks of horror and shock that were covering the room, some near tears as her words sunk in.
"It happened at my home, these three men broke in and they… they ruined the place, they took turns beating me, left me with a bunch of injuries and some scars. That's where this came from." She pointed to the scar on her forehead, knowing everyone in the room had been curious to where that had come from, but no one ever had the nerve to ask. "I was able to get away, but they caused a lot of damage…" She trailed off, reaching for Matt's hand in search of comfort, Casey giving it willingly. "Physically, I've recovered. Mentally, I'm still getting there… I've been struggling a lot with handling my anxiety since it happened. It's better than it was, but sometimes I still have panic attacks." She spared a glance up to the room, seeing nothing but worry and concern staring back at her, a few lone tears slipping down Brett's cheeks, Boden's usually composed demeanor broken as he looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I was having a really hard time there for awhile, but I'm getting better. But, uh, I wanted you to know it had nothing to do with you guys." She spoke, earning a few confused looks from those in the room. "Why I was so distant when I first came back, it wasn't really because of everything here. I mean, I was nervous, but had the attack not happened, I don't think it would've taken me months to get back here… I needed time to deal with everything, and aside from Matt and my brother, I didn't really feel comfortable being alone with anyone when I first got back. I wish I could've talked to you all sooner, and I'm sorry for how it must've felt for you guys when I got back and didn't reach out to you... I just needed time."
No one knew what to say to her, or how to react to what they'd just learned. Before anyone could find the right words to say, the bells rang out, signaling 61 to help with a house fire across town.
Taking a deep breath, Gabby slid out from Matt's grasp, squeezing his hand before heading for the garage, Foster and an emotional Brett following after her, the sound of doors closing filling the otherwise silent room.
Matt wanted to give them time to process everything, knowing it was a lot to digest. Most of the people in this room knew of nothing that Gabby had been going through, and it wasn't easy information to stomach.
"I know this is a lot…" Casey started once no one had spoken up. "But hopefully that explains what's been going on, why Gabby's seemed a little different since she's been back. I know you guys knew something had happened, but you didn't know what, but that's what it was; what had Antonio freaking out, and had me losing my mind. She'd been attacked, and for awhile there we didn't know where she was... But since she's been back, we've been dealing with it."
"Jesus…" Capp muttered, shaking his head.
"We had no idea any of that was going on." Otis spoke up.
"I'm sorry we made it harder on her." Cruz said, Matt glancing towards him. "We didn't know why she was kind of pulling away from everyone, but God we never imagined it was anything like this."
"This isn't your fault. Gabby didn't tell you to make you feel guilty, she told you so you'd understand what's been going on. I know all of you were confused about how to act around her, and that most of you just thought she didn't want to come back here, but that wasn't the whole story. The main reason she started that new job was because she didn't think she could handle the pace of 51. She didn't feel comfortable being in this kind of environment, and the SAS had a much more manageable schedule for her. For awhile, she was struggling a lot with handling her anxiety and it was hard for her to be in tense situations, so she thought going to the private company was best for her. I know all you guys saw was her distancing herself, but she wasn't trying to hurt you. She was trying to figure everything out, figure out how to move past what happened to her… I know had we told you all this sooner, it probably would've helped things, but she needed to feel comfortable talking about it first. She'd told a few people, but telling everyone… it scared her."
"We should've handled things on our end a lot better, Captain." Kidd replied. "Like Herrmann said, Gabby always has a reason for what she does. We should've seen past our feelings and realized there was more going on there… but I'm just glad she's doing okay, considering."
"She is doing well, really she is." Matt assured them. "Everything that happened to her in Puerto Rico, she's gotten a lot better. The pregnancy hit us hard, though… it wasn't expected, or planned. We were starting to look into other ways to have a child when we found out, and it's been pretty up and down since then."
"What she said, about this killing her… is that true? She could really die?"
"She could." Matt responded, crossing his arms over his chest. "If the aneurysm ruptures, her doctor might not be able to do anything. It's dangerous for her, and for the baby… but we're taking all the precautions we can. She has her doctors appointments every two weeks; those times I've had to duck out for a few hours, that's where I've been going. But so far, aside from the aneurysm, Gabby's doing great. And the baby is perfect. Everything, from a pregnancy standpoint, is going according to plan."
"But there's no way to know if and when anything will happen?" Herrmann questioned with a frown, Matt shaking his head.
"No, there's not. Either nothing could happen, or it could rupture and kill her. There's no way to know." Matt explained, seeing the solemn faces of his coworkers. "There are a few things working in her favor, though… We know about it, and I guess a lot of times doctors don't find out about this type of aneurysm until it's too late. So Gabby's doctor knows to be watching out for it. And also her aneurysm is on the smaller side, which means it's easier to control should something go wrong. But these things are unpredictable, so we've had to come to terms with just accepting that something might happen to her."
"I'm sorry, Captain." Cruz responded sadly.
"That's awful." Otis echoed the sentiment, Matt flashing them sad smiles.
"It's the situation we're dealing with, but hopefully at the end of this Gabby will be fine, and so will our baby." He spoke softly, shaking his head before regaining his firm demeanor. "I'm sorry for throwing all of this at you guys, I know it wasn't really what you were expecting. But now you guys know what's been going on... I hope it helps you understand more of Gabby's decisions when she left, and since she's been back."
Matt earned nods from around the room, Casey turning to leave as he experienced what felt like a heavy weight crushing his chest, this conversation bringing up all the horrible thoughts he'd done his best to push away recently.
Call him naive, or ignorant, but Matt couldn't handle thinking about what might happen to Gabby. It was something he chose to ignore, because there was nothing he could do about it. The last time he focused on that, it overtook his entire life and nearly broke them, and sent Gabby to the hospital. He couldn't let that happen again. He hated thinking about it, and he did his best to avoid it. There were times he couldn't, moments like earlier when Gabby was having a hard time and needed reassurance, but even then, he chose to focus on her instead of the words he was saying. Instead of thinking about why Gabby was upset, he chose to focus on how to make her feel better.
He knew it wasn't healthy, that him ignoring it instead of accepting it would only make things worse for him if something did happen to her. But he couldn't do it, not yet. Foolish or not, he had to believe she'd be fine. The only way he's able to completely enjoy this pregnancy is if he ignores it, and, as selfish as it may be, he wants to be able to enjoy this. He can't do anything to change what might or might not happen, so he's put all his energy into focusing on what he can control. He can be there for her, he can be there for their child. He can be there for whatever either of them need, and he can immerse himself in the experience of her pregnancy.
But what he doesn't have a say in is what this pregnancy might do to her, so he's chosen to not think about it.
"Casey, hey wait up." Herrmann's voice stopped him in the hallway, Matt turning to find the older man jogging towards him. "How are you doing?" He asked as he came to a stop in front of the Captain, Matt drawing in a deep breath as his eyes bounced around the narrow walkway.
"I'm… I'm hanging in there. It's been hard, but I'm trying to stay positive." Matt responded, Herrmann nodding understandingly. "And, uh, I'm sorry we didn't tell you about the pregnancy and… everything. Gabby was just so panicked about this baby, she wanted to wait until she got through the first trimester before saying anything. But I know how worried you were about her, and I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Casey." He responded with a grin. "I'm just glad to know she's alright. And you all seem to be dealing with a lot. How far along is she?"
"About to be fourteen weeks."
Herrmann nodded, his smile growing. "Enjoy every minute you can, Casey. Cause let me tell you, once that baby comes, everything changes. In a good way, but I feel like I missed out on so much with Cindy's first pregnancy, and you can never get that time back. So just enjoy it. And before you know it, you'll have your little baby and suddenly everything is different."
"I can't even imagine… I'm honestly a little freaked out over the whole thing." Matt replied with a nervous chuckle, Herrmann patting his shoulder.
"You're gonna do great, the both of you will, I can't wait for you to experience it. I know you probably look at Gabby and think there's no way you can love anything more than you love her, but just wait until you hold that baby in your arms. I'm telling you, Captain, it's like your whole world changes. You're suddenly living your entire life for someone else, making sure you do everything in your power to keep them safe, to protect them. It's just an entirely different life, and I know you're ready for it. You and Gabby were meant to be parents, but make sure you stop and enjoy the pregnancy part too."
"Thanks Herrmann." Matt responded, giving the man a quick hug.
"You two are gonna be okay, I know it." Herrmann spoke softly as they pulled back. "Dawson's a fighter, she always has been. I can't imagine how scary this is, but just hold onto the thought of your little baby. That the both of them will be fine."
Matt nodded slowly, watching Herrmann turn to go back towards the common room, the man's words resonating in his head.
Just hold onto that hope. That's all you can do.
Dawson stood at the nurses station filling out the papers from their last call, hurrying through the last few lines, eager to get back to the house. She felt bad for having to leave right as she'd finished explaining everything and she knew they'd all have questions. Although she was sure Matt had answered most of what they were curious about, she wanted them to hear from her that she was okay. As okay as she could be.
Handing the paperwork over to the nurse, Gabby began walking for the exit, slowing her steps when she saw Brett approaching her.
"Hey, just finished up. You guys ready to go?" Dawson asked, knowing Brett and Foster had been waiting for her in the rig.
"We are."
"Alright, well I'm good to go." Gabby responded, beginning to walk towards the double doors.
"Gabby, wait." Brett spoke up, the blonde coming to stand beside her. "I, uh… I need you to know how sorry I am."
"Brett-"
"No, I need to say this. I had no idea that's what you were dealing with on that call, I'm sorry I made things worse. I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings, and said those things to you. I never wanted to be apart of the reason you felt unwelcome here, but I was. And I'm sorry."
"I messed up too, Brett. I should've helped you, I knew you weren't handling things well after that call."
"You tried to talk to me and I shut you down. I know you feel like you should apologize, but this is on me. And I haven't exactly made any effort with you since, and for that I'm sorry. Then what you went through in Puerto Rico… I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. Truly, I am. I wish I could go and take it all back, that I could change how I've acted since you came home. I never knew you were going through all that, and I'm sorry I wasn't there. That you felt like you couldn't come to me. I'm so sorry, Gabby." She spoke, shaking her head regretfully.
"It's okay, Brett. Really, it is. It's in the past. I know a lot has happened, and things might not ever be what they were, but I'd like us to be friends again. For us to try and work our way back to that, if that's what you want." Dawson replied with a hopeful smile, Brett nodding eagerly.
"I do, I'd love that." Her partner replied, Gabby bringing her in for a quick hug. "I've missed you, Gabby."
"I've missed you, too."
Herrmann stood leaned up against 81 as he watched Brett park the ambulance, his hands shoved in his pockets, waiting for the paramedics to exit the rig. He hadn't been waiting out here long, but he wanted to talk to Dawson as soon as he could.
"There's who I've been waiting for." Herrmann called as Gabby came around the front of the ambulance, flashing him a warm smile.
"Hey there, Herrmann." She replied, walking towards him while Brett and Foster began walking towards the house.
"You got a minute to talk, kid?" He asked as Gabby came up to his side, Dawson nodding in response. "So… you're having a baby."
"I am." The grin on her face widened, her hand resting securely over her stomach. "It's crazy to think about…"
"Yeah, I was telling Casey after you left to get ready, that everything's about to change." Herrmann spoke. "He seemed a little nervous, but I can't blame the guy. Becoming a parent might be the most nerve wracking thing in the world."
"Yeah, we're both a little on edge with everything." She replied, swallowing thickly. "But we're trying to enjoy it as much as we can."
"Everything's gonna be okay, Dawson." Herrmann told her, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. "I know this has got to be terrifying, for both of you, but it'll be fine. You're gonna get through this and have your amazing child. It'll all be okay." He comforted, Gabby leaning her head down on his shoulder.
"Thanks Herrmann." She whispered, settling into him as his presence eased her nerves. "You know, you're taking this a lot better than I expected."
"Well, I won't lie and say I'm not scared for you, kid. Because I am. But I know if anyone can get through this, it's you. Both you and Matt will be okay." He rubbed her arm as he spoke, Gabby lifting her head up, flashing him a small, thankful smile.
"Can you do me a favor?" She asked him after a few seconds.
"Name it."
"Can you help me look out for Matt?" She questioned softly. "He's doing a lot better, but he's still struggling with this, and I know he has Kelly, but it would make me feel better knowing someone else has his back."
"Of course." Herrmann responded instantly, Gabby flashing him a grateful smile. "I'll keep an eye on him just like I'm gonna keep an eye on you."
"Thank you."
The two stood together for a few more minutes, Gabby happy to enjoy the quiet moment with the man who's always been like a father to her. She felt like a weight had been lifted now that he knew everything, now that the entire house knew. There were no more secrets, no more stepping around questions. Everything was out in the open, and she felt relieved.
Gabby stood at Matt's locker, waiting for him to finish getting his things together as they prepared to leave. Her body weight was leaned into the metal, her bag strapped over her shoulder while her arms were crossed over her chest, staring at Matt as he fiddled with his bag.
"So, first shift back is in the books." He spoke, peeking his head out from his locker. "How do you feel?"
"I feel good. It wasn't too busy, and it's been nice to be back here with everyone, even if they were a little hesitant at first." When Gabby had walked in with Herrmann after getting back from the call, it was like none of them knew what to say to her. They didn't want to say something that might upset her. But once she made it known she was alright, that they could ask her questions and she'd do her best to answer them, it put them a little more at ease, and soon that apprehension had worn off. "It all went better than I expected."
"I told you so." He replied smugly from behind his locker door, Gabby rolling her eyes.
"And what about you? You don't mind me being back at work with you? You haven't gotten sick of me yet?" She asked teasingly as he shut his door, his eyebrows raising in question.
"I know you're messing with me, but we both know there's no possible way for me to ever get sick of you." He responded, placing a light kiss to her temple before grabbing her hand and leading her from the locker room. "But no, you know I'm thrilled to have you back. And I'm a little relieved, not having to be away from you for so long anymore." He spoke softly. "Plus us working together in the same house again is nice. I've missed it."
"Yeah, me too." She murmured in response, grabbing ahold of his arm with her hand as they walked through the halls.
"I know it's not a permanent thing, but having you back here has been great. I love getting the extra time with you and the baby." He continued as they got to the garage. "I always felt like I was missing stuff, being away from you for twenty four hours at a time. But now you're stuck with me. If either one of us is gonna get sick of the other, it'll definitely be you." He responded with a grin, Gabby resting her head against his shoulder as they walked towards his truck.
"Well, I haven't gotten sick of you yet." She replied quietly, leaning into his side as they moved down the driveway, both looking forward to the relaxing day they had planned.
And another chapter in the books. I hoped you all liked Gabby's first shift back at 51. And finally, everyone knows about what happened to her and what her and Matt are dealing with, which I know a lot of you have been waiting for.
Also, I know most of you are probably tired of hearing about this, but I have been updating my other story regularly as well, if there's any of you who are interested in a Dawsey AU but haven't checked it out yet.
I hope you guys enjoyed this one. If you can, I'd appreciate it if you left me a review so I know what you thought. Thanks so much for reading!