A/N: Welcome back! This is chapter 4. I congratulate you on getting this far. Ayame still hasn't woken up; will he ever? And what of Hatori's confession? And Shigure's secret? And Yuki's attitude adjustment? Read on…

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this, either.

Ratings: PG-13

Genre: Angst/ Drama

Warnings: Yoai

Main Characters: Sohma Ayame, Sohma Hatori, Sohma Shigure, and Sohma Yuki

Additional Notes: Heh. Well, in case you're curious, "Tsumaranai" means "Worthless". It's still depressing. Sorry.

Sakura Snows

Chapter 4: Tsumaranai

"Haa-san…it's been nearly two days and he still hasn't woken up yet!"

Hatori ran a hand through his midnight hair. "I know that Shigure, but there's nothing I can do; it's up to him whether or not he wakes up… It's out of my hands."

Yuki shook his head. "Then why won't he?"

"I don't know…"

The rat looked away towards the window as Shigure massaged his temples. Hatori hadn't moved from his vigil in almost twenty hours, his emerald eyes hardly leaving the pale snake's face. Shigure was beginning to worry about the dragon's health. So…he finally pays attention to Aaya… Pity it's too little, too late… Oh Aaya…

A soft groan alerted Hatori to a change and his eyes snapped back to Ayame's face, narrowing, hoping, wishing, and praying. Shigure's eyes widened, his heart stopping as Yuki held his breath. Another groan, slightly louder this time, forced its way from the snake's throat. Hatori smoothed back the silver bangs from Ayame's forehead as his golden eyes slid half open for the first time in nearly two days.

Relief flooded through the dragon and the other juunishi. Hatori smiled, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. "Welcome back Ayame…good morning."

Ayame groaned again. "T-Tori…san…?"

The dragon nodded. "Yes. How do you feel?"

"Hurt…my hands…"

Suddenly Ayame sat bolt upright, golden eyes wide, terrified. "Ayame!" yelped Hatori. "Lay back down!" Ayame was panting now, eyes glazed; he seemed lost. The dragon gently forced him to lie back on the mattress.

"Wha-what happened…!"

Shigure snorted. "Don't you remember, idiot snake?" he asked with a slight amount of humor and fondness before turning dead serious. "Remember? You slit your wrists." Ayame swallowed. "What the hell were you thinking Aaya? You could have died!"

The snake looked away, towards the window, the memories of two days before returning. "Isn't that the entire point of slitting your wrists?" he asked softly. Hatori frowned and Yuki watched worriedly.

"Nii-san…why…?"

A half-choked laugh, or sob, left the snake's mouth. "Why," he echoed. "Why? You actually have to ask why!" Tears were starting to leak from the corners of the broken golden suns and Hatori's emerald eyes were wide and confused; Shigure just watched, his heart breaking for his friend. "Don't you know!"

Yuki's eyes were wide, alarmed, as he stared at his brother. "N-Nii-san…!"

"No…don't bother," muttered Ayame, far more drained than when he'd been in the snow. "Just leave me…just leave like you always want to… I'm not in the mood to talk." A bitter smile curled his pale lips. "Must be your dream come true, eh? Me not wanting to talk to you…"

Yuki swallowed. "Nii-san…that's not true!"

Ayame just sighed, rolling onto his side, facing away from the other juunishi. "Just leave me alone…please…"

"Ayame…"

"No," sighed Shigure. "He's right. We'd best leave…we'll come back later." He glanced at the snake's back, his eyes narrowing dangerously, his voice stern and severe when he spoke next. "Aaya, I swear, if you try anything else before talking to me…I'll make the rest of your life a living hell."

There was a soft chuckle on the snake's part. "Too late…it already is, Gure-san…but thank you for the sentiment."

Shigure snorted. He ushered the rest out of the small room and sighed, leaning tiredly against the wall, shutting the door behind him. "Dammit Aaya…you've let yourself fall so much further than before," he muttered under his breath.

"Shigure?"

The dog looked up, his eyes wide as he realized they'd heard him. He swallowed. Hatori's emerald eyes were narrowed and sharp while Yuki's were curious and confused. "What?"

"Shigure," started Hatori, taking a step closer to the dog. "What are you talking about? What do mean 'further than before'?" Shigure looked away, guilty. "Answer me Shigure!"

"No, Haa-san. I already told you; I can't."

The dragon's hand clinched. "Gods be damned Shigure!" he hissed. "I'm sick of your crap! To hell with your promise! Tell me what's going on!"

Shigure closed his eyes, his face pained and drawn. "Please Haa-san," he muttered. "It would kill him if I told you."

Hatori snorted. "That's a bit moot. He's doing a good enough job of killing himself. Now, what is it?"

Yuki watched as the two friends argued, his eyes sad. Nii-san…

"I'm not going to tell you Haa-san, so stop it!" growled Shigure. Hatori looked as though he wanted nothing more than to strangle the dog, but somehow he reined in his temper.

"Fine," snarled the dragon. "I'll see you at the funeral then…"

Shigure and Yuki watched silently as Hatori stormed off. Shigure sighed as he heard a door slam somewhere in the house. "This has gone too far…"

The rat glanced over. "Shigure, why won't you tell him what he wants? After all…it could help him to help Nii-san…"

Chocolate eyes narrowed. "Since when do you care what happens to Aaya?"

Yuki frowned. "He is my brother Shigure," he muttered. "I care…it's just hard for me to admit that…"

"I suppose. Either way, I can't tell him; Aaya trusted me, and it's in my nature to defend trust…to be loyal… It can't be helped."

"So you'd let your friend kill himself if that was in his nature?" retorted the rat caustically.

"Of course not!"

Yuki snorted. "Your persuasion skills really do suck, Shigure…"

/\\\

The room was dark, dead feeling, as Shigure closed the door behind him and focused his chocolate eyes on the snake's curled form. The room permeated of silence and hopelessness; Shigure shuddered. This scene was all too familiar for him and had hoped he'd never be visiting it again.

"Why are you here?"

The dog sighed. "Aaya, why are you doing this to yourself? At least last time you wanted to stop—"

"I do," whispered Ayame quietly, cutting off Shigure's sentence. "I do want to stop…just not the same thing as last time…"

The dog growled lightly. "Your own life is not the best of things you could try to stop Aaya."

"But it's the most appropriate Gure-san; after all, it's only worthless," was the snake's void reply. Ayame still hadn't turned to face the dog, as he gazed at the pulled blinds, knees to his chest and arms around them, his silver hair glinting in the dim light of the dreary room.

Shigure's eyes widened at the statement, at the absolute hopelessness and despair in it. "That's not true Aaya!" The snake didn't turn, or show any sign that he'd heard. "You are not worthless! What would even make you think that?"

"Gure-san, as I said: don't bother." Ayame finally turned around, his eyes nearly black inside…so familiar… "I'm worthless; I know I am. What have I ever done for anyone, other than leech off them to satisfy my own desires?"

Shigure opened his mouth, struggling to find the words, the lexis to explain, to convince the snake of his worth. Nothing came… The dog just stared. Those eyes…so familiar, the darkness in them… He knew that darkness…he knew it… "Akito."

Ayame's impassive face didn't change, only the muted gold eyes showed that he'd heard as a shudder went through what was left of them. Shigure growled under his breath. "You've seen Akito…haven't you? Haven't you?"

Ayame looked back at the window, silent; Shigure wanted to strangle the patriarch for what he'd done to his friend. "What ever Akito said, Aaya, it's not true! Don't listen to him! He doesn't know anything about you!"

A dark chuckle forced its way from Ayame's raw throat. "Oh but I believe he does, Gure-san…perhaps even better than you do."

The dog frowned angrily. "That's impossible Aaya," he muttered. "Akito doesn't know anything about you but your name!"

"And my juunishi animal." Shigure merely glowered at the snake's back.

"That's beside the point Aaya—"

"Not really. We were talking about what Akito knows of me…"

Shigure was nearly stretched to his limit. His fists were clinched, his nails digging into the soft flesh of his palms. "He knows nothing Aaya!"

"He knows about the gamma butyrolactone…"

Shigure fell silent, his eyes wide. "How…?"

Ayame shrugged a shoulder listlessly. "I don't know…but he knows…he knows…"

"And he's blackmailing you?"

"No." Ayame shivered lightly. "But he knows…and what he knows, he tells…"

The dog's eyes darkened as they narrowed dangerously to slits. "Aaya, he won't tell…I'll see to that…"

"It doesn't matter," muttered Ayame, glancing to side, giving Shigure the profile of his pale and sunken face. "I'm not worth getting hurt by Akito over… I'm not worth defending…at the cost you'd have to pay…"

"Stop it Aaya!" hissed Shigure. "You are worth it!" He swallowed, face pained and drawn. "I won't let Akito do this! I won't stand by anymore! I won't be forced to watch anymore!"

Ayame's tainted gaze fell to the floor, a humorless smile curling his thin lips. "You were never forced Gure-san… Never…"

The blood drained from the dog's face, pupils no more than pinpoints in a sea of darkening mahogany, his mouth opening and closing again, unable to find a counter, a parry, to the thrust. He failed, the steel of the words piercing his heart.

"You were never forced…"

Chocolate eyes turned mutinous, desperately bucking the thought, the chain he'd always thought he'd borne. His jaw clinched, hands fisted at his sides, shaking with an ire he'd never felt so strongly before now. With a swirl of his kimono, the dog left, shutting the door firmly behind him.

/\\\

The air was colder, somehow. Yuki shivered as he wandered throughout Hatori's house once again, eyes focused inward, at a face so much like his own. He could still see those fogged and lost golden eyes staring up at him from the futon as the man woke. He sighed. A bitter wind blew across his face and his heart…

"Why, Tori? Why…?"

The rat swallowed, smoothing back his unruly gray hair with a trembling hand. Violet eyes closed and all he could see were a pair of lonely, wondering, and hurt eyes, also so like his own. The silver hair had been shorter, only to the teen's shoulders. He'd been wearing a school uniform then, a dark bluish-black, like the one Yuki himself owned for the same school…

"Why? They…they don't even look at me anymore…it's like I'm not even there…like I don't exist…"

Yuki took a shaky breath, trying not to remember but failing miserably. Or perhaps, he wanted to confront the memory he'd never really thought about before…

Ayame shivered on the stoop, arms around himself. The dragon was next to him, watching him quietly. "What's wrong Ayame?"

"Why, Tori? Why…?"

Hatori shook his head. "What do you mean why, Ayame," he asked. "What's wrong?"

Yuki, clad in the kimono Akito had had made for him for his fourth birthday nine months ago, moved aside the braches of the bush he was hiding in, careful not to alert the two teens. His wide violet eyes were fixed on his brother, the one he always looked up to…though the other boy never knew it.

A dry sob was Ayame's response. "Why," he asked again. "They…they don't even look at me anymore…it's like I'm not even there…like I don't exist…"

"Who?"

Yuki chewed his lip, watching the older boy's shoulders shake and shudder with those sobs he tried to hide. "Okaa-san…Otou-san… It's like…they hate me…"

Hatori sighed. Yuki could see the dragon's emerald eyes from his angle to the side of the steps; they were worried, pain-filled on his friend's behalf. "Ayame, that's not true. They don't hate you…they just… They have a lot of work right now, what with Yuki—"

"Yuki!" hissed the silver-haired teen bitterly. "It's his fault! They never ignored me before he came along…"

Yuki's eyes widened, large and confused, hurt at the words. He sniffed, tears at the edges of his wide eyes, his small pale hands tightening their grip on the branches, rustling the leaves softly.

"Ayame!" Hatori frowned. "This is not Yuki's fault. You know that! Don't blame him for your problems."

"But it is… I…I've heard them talking…"

"Ayame?"

"They… It was late," the teen whispered, voice falling to the softest level Yuki had ever heard the other boy use, not that that boded much as he hardly saw the teen. "I heard them…outside my door—they thought I was asleep." Ayame shook his head, silver hair swaying, hiding his eyes. "I heard them. They hate me. Who wants a snake, they said, the snake's the only useless one. No talent. Weak. Dirty and foul. Besides…we have the rat," he spat. The words nearly choked the teen, that much was obvious as his tears coursed blatantly down his pale skin, golden eyes hurt, lonely. "The Emperor's favorite. We can yet earn the favor of the Jade Emperor… yes, they said. Our dearest, beloved rat will make up for that disgrace of having that creature…"

Yuki was crying now, the tears slipping silently down his round cheeks. Hatori's eyes were sad, distant, "Ayame…"

Yuki remembered that night… He'd been up late again, after his parents thought him asleep. He'd heard his parents talking outside his Nii-san's door, their faces disgusted and pinched. They'd yelled at him for being up. He'd only wanted to try and play with Ayame…for once, he thought the teen would smile at him…just smile… It would have been enough.

But he never did. Yuki shook his head again, clearing the memories, scattering them like raindrops. Enough! Nii-san…he…he got over it! Okaa-san and Otou-san never treated him any worse after I was born! He was just…lying…for attention… That has to be it…

His heart told him otherwise, traitorously whispering, how do you know he wasn't treated better before you were born…?

Yuki swallowed, continuing. He stopped a moment later, noticing the half-open shoji. He frowned. It was freezing still outside…did they want someone to catch pneumonia? The rat had almost shut the door when he saw the dragon.

Hatori was hunched on his knees in the center of the bare rock garden, hands splayed in the foot-deep snow, forehead nearly touching the small flakes. Tears fell like starlight from the emerald eyes, bursting on the pages beneath him…the photographs. Snow had blown onto the edges of the photo album, dusting the pages, blurring some of the photos.

Yuki could see the pictures, barely, through the distance and the snow. Ayame…smiling at something out of the picture. Ayame…laughing so brightly, his silver hair blowing freely in the wind… Ayame…his wide golden eyes full of life, of love, of happiness…

Why…? Why Hatori…?

He was frozen; the harsh wind blew snow in eddies around his bare feet. His violet eyes stared toward the dragon, silently asking the same questions another, so like him, had asked so long ago…

Why, Tori? Why…? Why him…?

/\\\

Chocolate eyes were pained, narrowed, and grim, tears glazing their surface as he watched. Yuki was standing so lost in the doorway to the garden, Hatori broken on the ground outside in the frozen snow, surrounded by bitter comfort. Shigure's fists clinched in the sleeves of his crimson kimono. He was watching again, but this time he would do something. He would not stand silently by this time. He would not let this happen.

He turned and disappeared down the hall, kimono swirling around his feet, eyes hard and cold once more. He would be silent no more…

Akito…

/\\\

A/N: Ah yes…Akito. A new character in this little drama. And Ayame has awoken, but bitter and cold. Yuki…remembers something now, does he? Hatori…can he handle what his friend has become? And Shigure…his secret… Perhaps this chapter raises more questions that it answers… I'm sorry about that. Wait…no I'm not. Heh. Everything will get much clearer (I hope) in the next chapter.

In case you're wondering, "Okaa-san" means "mother" and "Otou-san" means "father". Poor Aaya. And "juunishi" is the Chinese Zodiac.

To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:

Amai Uryou- Heh. Thanks once more Usagi-chan. And you didn't poke me this time! Yay! Hehehe…keep reading! (I know you'll like where this is going…)

kishe- Okay… I wrote more. Heh. I hope you like it. It was longer this time too! Please keep reading…and reviewing of course!

dimonyo-anghel- Heh. He hasn't died yet, you know. He lives for yet another chapter. And yes, what a turn around for Yuki-kun… Please keep reading and reviewing!

WHPIAR- Doesn't everyone? It seems so…but I hope you've enjoyed this little…surprise… Please, keep reading and reviewing!

Kanya13666- O.o! Thank you! I'm so happy you like it! And admire! YAY! I must be doing something right then! Please, keep reading and reviewing! It's beginning to get interesting…and it's far from over…

Black Angel of Destruction- Yes, crazy is a good word for it, ne? Now you know what happens next. Please though, keep reading. Judging by your sn, you'll like it.

ladysnape575- Please, stop crying. And thank you for not exploding…it's kind of hard to stick a floor in a washing machine. Not to mention the walls. Heh…well, it was no problem to keep writing. I enjoy it. (As sadistic as this story is…)

Zukinn Chan- Yes, Tori should have realized it from the beginning. Ah, the darkness begins to rear its ugly head. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. And thank you very much for being patient. Please review ( I'm sure I don't need to ask you to read…)

SamusKaiba: TheNeglected- Well…I suppose I don't need to answer the question now, do I? But I suppose… Now. And, please keep reviewing! ( And reading of course…)

Well, thank you all sooo much! Also, I should warn you now, I do not have any of the other chapters completed…or even started for that matter. It will possibly be a long wait, but I will complete this story. Just have a little patience like Zuki-chan.

It will be finished, like all things, in time.

Kurai