A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Here's chapter 5. Will someone ever put Yuki in his place about Ayame? And what does Akito have to do with everything? What does Shigure know about this entire mess? And Hatori… Well, you'll just have to keep reading.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this, either.
Ratings: PG-13
Genre: Angst/ Drama
Warnings: Yoai
Main Characters: Sohma Ayame, Sohma Hatori, Sohma Shigure, Sohma Yuki, and Sohma Akito
Additional Notes: Heh. Well, in case you're curious, "Omoi Ryoushin" means "Heavy Conscience". Now, I do have something to say here: Akito is MALE in this story. I do know about the gender spoiler for Akito, but I prefer Akito as male—don't ask me why. I just do.
Sakura Snows
Chapter 5: Omoi Ryoushin
"Hatori…"
The name was whispered; no one heard it but the wind. Yuki could feel his breathing constrict at the sight of the shattered dragon. His feet were cold, but he pushed that aside and stepped off the engawa, the shoji abandoned, into the fiery cold of the snow. "Hatori…"
The dragon stiffened, freezing, small sobs escaping his chapped lips. He sat back, a shaking hand covering his eyes. Yuki took a step toward the dragon hesitantly. "Hatori…?" A shaking breath on the dragon's part. "Hatori…are you all right?"
"No…"
The reply was soft, but sincere, and Yuki couldn't help but go closer. "What…what's wrong?"
"Such questions," muttered Hatori, sliding his hand across his face to fall to the snow again, his emerald eyes closed. "What isn't wrongwould probably easier to answer…"
Yuki didn't answer. "It's…Nii-san, isn't it?"
"Of course," was the whispered answer. "Isn't italways… He seems to have the most problems of any of us sometimes…so many insecurities…"
"Insecurities?"
Hatori sighed, bracing his hand on his knee as he got to his feet slowly. "Yes, well, I'll explain—if I must—inside…"
It was a silent walk back to the house, all the more silent as they passed the kitchen. Yuki could almost see Hatori stiffen and the dragon's breaths come in short bursts as they passed the room—he didn't understand why, but he knew he would find out everything soon enough…
Before long they were sitting side by side on the bed in Hatori's guest room. The dragon was still as he stared at the wall, gathering his thoughts. Yuki didn't say anything, knowing the other man would speak when he was ready. After a few minutes had passed, Hatori took a deep breath, bracing himself for the painful memories.
"Ayame…Ayame has always been the quiet one," he said softly. "Perhaps not in voice level; he's quiet about the way he really feels."
Yuki frowned. "He's always saying how happy he is, though…"
"That's just what he says to divert attention from his problems." Yuki looked at the dragon; Hatori was looking down at his hands, folded in his lap, staring at them as though they held all the answers. "I suppose he thinks that if he makes others forget that he has problems, they will cease to exist. He gives himself that false comfort."
"Why," asked Yuki. "Is his life really that hard?"
Hatori let out a dry laugh. "He runs his own business at the age of twenty-seven Yuki. On top of being possessed by the spirit of the Snake and the fact that his thermostat can't go below seventy degrees or any higher than ninety." The dragon smiled fondly. "As well as having a female assistant."
Yuki looked away, an unknown or forgotten feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach. He sighed. "I still…why? Why wasn't he there when I was little…when I need a big brother more than anything…"
Silence. Hatori's eyes were troubled, uncertain and hesitant. "Yuki…you must understand," he said quietly. "Ayame…your parents—"
"They hated him," whispered the rat softly. Hatori froze, eyes widening slightly. "Right?"
Hatori swallowed and looked away. "I suppose…the Snake is not the most…favored…of the juunishi… Ayame," he paused, sighing. "Your parents didn't relish the idea of being the parents of such a disliked member of the family. When you happened along…they were ecstatic."
"Why?"
The dragon gave Yuki a long unfathomable look. "Because you are the rat," he said simply; Yuki's hands fisted in his lap. "They finally had their ticket to Yu Huang's good side…a chance to sit at his right hand at last. With that, they no longer paid attention to their first child, their failure, no matter what he did."
The rat closed his eyes for a moment—Hatori, however, was not yet finished. "Perhaps, Yuki, that's why he was never there, perhaps at the time he was confused. You must remember that Ayame was younger than you are now when this all happened, that—in his mind—the only way he could think of to get back at his parents was by ignoring you. In his mind, it was your fault they hated him. You were no more than an innocent casualty in that war…"
It seemed that a soft wind blew through the house and Yuki knew that somewhere in Hatori's room, Ayame was curled, staring at nothing, wanting nothing of what he'd been dealt by fate. Not that Yuki could actually blame him.
"So," murmured the rat, sighing. "That's why… I suppose it makes sense…but I don't understand it all…perhaps I never will."
"Then just accept it." Yuki looked up, startled by Hatori's sudden answer. "Is it that hard to accept that Ayame has his own problems, and always has? Really Yuki, you must open your eyes and look past that façade he flaunts to hide his pain…"
Yuki looked away, amethyst eyes thoughtful and uneasy, his finger to his chin.
/\\\
"Akito!" hissed Shigure, as he shut the door behind him, glaring at the thin patriarch's back. Akito stood quietly at the window, leaning on the sill. He turned slowly as Shigure started toward him, a small smirk on his features.
"Ah, Shigure," he said in his soft, empty, slightly amused voice. "You've come to see me? I must say; this is an unexpected surprise…"
"You—" The dog somehow stopped himself, though his eyes remained fixed in a frigid glare. He took a strained breath. "Akito, what have you done?"
The youth didn't respond at first, and when he did, he completely ignored the question. "How is the Snake?" he asked, the smirk growing somewhat.
Shigure stared at the patriarch, unbelieving, denying. For a moment he could see the frightened, pale boy so afraid of his own fate—his destiny—so close to the darker side he brushed death with every breath he drew, trembling and frail.
Yet this same frightened and pale boy had nearly caused his friend, the one he loved to die—however indirect his involvement may have seemed. Shigure's eyes narrowed again. "How could you Akito?"
Akito barely spared Shigure a glance. "Does it matter?" he asked. "You'll get what you want, Dog, in the end—true?"
Shigure growled, eyes flashing. "Akito…"
A thin and dark smirk stretched across the youth's bloodless lips once more. "You love the Snake, do you not?"
The dog faltered, eyes troubled, pained for a moment, before dimming to a reluctant shade. "Yes."
Akito nodded. "Then do the ends not justify the means?
Shigure looked away, fists clinching in his kimono sleeves. Silence reined in the small room as Akito turned back to the window yet again. The darkness was nearly unbearable, even the light from the window couldn't truly piece it as the shadows gathered. The dog stood, nearly defeated, in the center of the floor, broken and forced to watch again.
"You were never forced…""You can't Akito." Akito seemed to draw himself up, his thin frame rigid as he turned to regard Shigure with narrowed and stormy eyes. "I won't let you. I won't stand by and watch as you ruin Aaya and Haa-san's lives like you've ruined mine!"
Akito raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "I've ruined yours?" he murmured. "That's an interesting thing to say." He moved toward the dog, Shigure stiffening but holding his ground. "As memory serves…I gave you the release you were denied by the Snake."
Shigure eyes narrowed. "It was no release—it was a rape!"
"Ah," smirked the patriarch. "So rape is consensual now, is it?" His smirk darkened, sending shivers down the dog's spine. Akito reached up, tenderly caressing Shigure's cheek, ignoring the dog's flinch; his lips moved against the dog's neck as he spoke. "My dearest love, it was the farthest thing from rape—you came to me."
Shigure's eyes widened and he jerked back, his breaths coming in gasps. "No," he whispered, voice barely a haunted whisper. "No…!"
Akito just watched as the dog backed away, his arm still outstretched. He watched quietly as Shigure shook his head, eyes still wide. He smiled softly with a feeling like black velvet. He pushed up against the dog's chest, twining his fingers in the fabric of the kimono. "The truth hurts…doesn't it, my love?" he whispered silkily.
Shigure shivered and threw the patriarch off him, stumbling back, holding his head, griping his skull. "No! Get off! Stop this Akito!" he yelled hoarsely. "You can't—don't hurt him!"
Akito's silky smile shrank to a frown, his indigo eyes narrowing slightly. "You love the Snake—this is the only way he will ever be yours. Pick your poison—him…or me…"
Shigure was shaking now, tears spilling down his paled cheeks. Chocolate eyes twisting and drowning as he gasped and tried to hang on to some sense of self. "No… I-I won't! Him! I choose him!"
Akito froze, eyes unreadable; even had Shigure had the sense to try and read that expressionless face, he would have come up with a blank. "I see," was the youth's only response, though it was cold. "Leave Shigure…"
Shigure was panting, fearing for his lifelong friend, fragile as he was now. He didn't think—he couldn't. He was on Akito before he knew what was happening, wrenching the patriarch around by the wrist. His eyes were wide, fear and anger in their depths now. "If you hurt him—I swear, I won't stand by… I won't let you hurt him!"
Akito's eyes were slits now. "Release me, Dog."
"Not until you promise!" cried Shigure, the tears in his eyes nearly glowing in the dim and dusty light of the room.
The youth's face twisted in rage. He lashed out, striking the dog in the face. Shigure stumbled back for the second time, clutching his face. "Dare defy me?" hissed Akito lowly. "I'm the only thing you have left, Dog. Or have you forgotten that?" Shigure was left, sobbing, his legs having betrayed him and dropped him to the hardwood floor, as Akito quietly left, shutting the door behind him.
Aaya! What have I done! What have I done…/\\\
The blinds were still pulled, the room still dim, when Hatori entered. Ayame, however, had moved. He was standing now, shifting through the books on the only bookshelf in the room. He was reading some romance or another, scanning the pages languidly, a bored yet annoyed expression on his pallid face.
"Ayame?"
The snake didn't look up. "How can you read this Tori-san?" he asked suddenly. "It's all a lie. None of it is true… It's too easy. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing ever turns out right in the end. Nothing…not love—especially not love! But here…it's too easy Tori-san… How can you read this after all that's happened? All that you know will happen? I don't understand it."
Hatori frowned. "Ayame? What are you talking about? You should be resting…"
"I hate these…I can't stand them!" hissed Ayame, slamming the book shut.
The dragon blinked as Ayame glared down at the book. "But Ayame, you loved that book…you loved it so much you bought a copy for me."
There was a snort from the snake. "I hate it. I was too naïve then to realize…"
Ayame trailed off, swallowing. Hatori shook his head. "Realize what Ayame? Please, if you won't listen to me as a doctor, at least listen to me as a friend and—"
"Nothing ever turns out right!"
There was a crash and the sound of breaking glass and pottery and the room was plunged into darkness, only Ayame's panting to break the dead silence that came with it. Hatori's eyes were wide as he stared out into the dark room.
"Ayame? A-are you all right?" he asked quietly.
No answer, save for a tired sigh.
He swallowed and hesitantly flipped on the light switch. Light filled the room again and Hatori surveyed the damage. The lamp that had been sitting on the desk was shattered, it's porcelain base in a myriad of shards on the floor. Ayame was standing still, hand over his eyes, bangs hiding any expression there may have been on that tired, pale face.
"Ayame…"
"I'm sorry Tori-san," he whispered. "I…I'm sorry…"
The jagged pieces glittered in the false light as Hatori bent and began to gather them in his hand. "Why? I never liked that lamp anyway, but why did you do that Ayame?" His eyes were narrowed as he looked at the pieces in his hand. "What's wrong with you lately?"
Ayame didn't answer at first, and the dragon was afraid he wouldn't at all. "I… It's not fair Tori-san," he finally mumbled softly. "That…that life isn't like those books… And now I know—it never will be. I can't hide in those books any more… But I can't face the truth either…"
Hatori frowned, straightening. "What do you mean? Hide? What truth can't you face Ayame?" he asked, eyes boring holes into the snake. "Please, tell me! I want to help!"
A bitter smile curled Ayame's lips as he shook his head, his silver hair almost flashing in the light. "There's nothing you can do Tori-san."
The light seemed to dim and it hurt Hatori; he truly wanted to help. He hated to see Ayame like this. "Please," he pleased, taking the other man by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Let me help you!"
Ayame sighed, looking away, eyes vacant and lightless. "I'm sorry…there's nothing you can do. It can't be changed."
"What can't be changed?" growled Hatori. "Tell me!" Ayame turned toward the drawn blinds, looking at them as though he was seeing past them, through them. "Ayame, please; I'm trying to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong!"
The snake made no move to turn around, there was none of the familiar laughter and brightness Hatori always associated with Ayame. All that was left, was this walking ghost, this shadow of what the snake had once been—he was Ayame only in appearance. Hatori couldn't bare this much longer. What happened to him? He's never—what happened?
"Ayame…this isn't you."
There was a bitter chuckle. "Yes, Tori-san, this is."
"You've never been like this—this isn't you!"
Ayame glanced back over his shoulder. "You've never really known me, Tori-san…but I'm tired of that mask—I'm tired of the lies…"
"What lies?" He was loosing this battle, he knew, but he couldn't give up. "Ayame, tell me what's wrong!"
Golden eyes closed. "Nothing new," he muttered. "Please, leave me—I want to be alone."
"Ayame—"
"Please," whispered the snake. "Just go…"
Hatori sighed, frustrated. He knew if he stayed, things would only worsen and Ayame would only pull farther away. Things were on a high wire now and he had to watch his step—it wouldn't do to loose his temper now. "Fine. I'll leave for now Ayame, but I want to tell me what going on. I'll give till tomorrow to do it on your own."
Ayame didn't answer or respond, but Hatori didn't particularly care if he had at the moment. The dragon left, shutting the door behind him and heading down the darkening hall. This was becoming far too much for him to take and he had to get out, get away from this. That man wasn't his friend. He couldn't be.
Ayame, where are you?
/\\\
A/N: Wow. That was a long wait. Was it worth it? I hope so. Now, things have gotten a lot more twisted, haven't they? Yuki seems to have finally been put in his place and Hatori seems to be trying to get to the bottom of this mess. And Shigure...was Akito lying? Or was Shigure? Is he truly in love with Ayame? Or is it another trick to manipulate Akito? Wow…even more questions… Fun.
Oh, that reminds me; "Yu Huang" means "Jade Emperor"
To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:
Moroi Mikomi- There, I wrote my heart out! I hope you liked this chapter!
Kanya13666- Sorry to make you cry… I hope you liked this chapter, though it may have made you cry a little more… Please, keep reading and reviewing!
Ladysnape575- Well…I could, but that would take forever! Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and thanks for the compliment! I hope you keep reading!
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WHPIAR- WOW… THANK YOU SO MUCH! Detailed? Really? Try telling that to my old fourth grade English teacher… Heh… Oh well. Thank you so much! Please, keep reading and reviewing! I know you'll like the rest of it…
Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed...my computer's screwing up, or I'd put up the replies to ALL of you, but I can't, so I'll put them at the end of the NEXT chapter... Thank you so much, and please keep reading and reviewing!