A/N: Another chapter closer to the end! Let's celebrate! Just kidding… There are at least two more chapters, if not three or four left in this story. But please, keep reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this either
Ratings: PG-13
Genre: Angst/ Drama
Warnings: Yaoi (I've been informed I was spelling it wrong the entire time…now I feel stupid. Why didn't you people tell me sooner?)
Main Characters: Sohma Ayame, Sohma Hatori, Sohma Shigure, Sohma Yuki, and Sohma Akito (appearances by Sohma Kureno as well…)
Additional Notes: Well, in case you're curious, "Kotae no Naka ni Aisu" means "Answers in Ice". And again, Akito is male.
Sakura Snows
Chapter 6: Kotae no Naka ni Aisu
This isn't working…he's too close… The Snake's stupid infatuation… He'll never win him away from the Dragon on his own… Never… And I will not lose him…
/\\\
"Hatori-san…"
The dragon turned to see an older woman, her graying hair held in a tight, stern bun at the nape of her neck. Her watery blue eyes met his with an unbreakable roughness. "Yes?"
She seemed to draw herself up. "Akito-sama wishes you to see him. You must hurry and not keep him waiting."
Hatori nodded. "Of course not," he sighed, weary from the argument with Ayame. "I'll go now…"
The woman nodded, disappearing down the hall with a stiff and jerking walk. Hatori shook his head, glancing toward his room once more before sighing again. His footsteps echoed in the dead, stale air of the compound hallways, no light to guide him as he ventured down the hardly used walk. This was an older section; that Akito would call for him from here…
He shook the thoughts from his head and knocked briskly on the door three times. The dark surrounding him sent shivers down his spine—something was coming…
"Come in."
He shivered, pushing the door open. The room was lit with flickering candles. Sixty in all lined the wall in their tall, five-foot candelabras, each holding three snow-white candles. Akito rested in an old chair; the chair's clawed feet seeming to carve grooves in the old wood floor. Feathered wings were carved behind the patriarch's head, vines twisting in them, twining down to the feet. Jewels, set in the old ebony wood, glittered dimly in the flickering flames, making them look all the more precious and forbidden in the mouths ofmidnight roses.
Akito's face showed no emotion as he looked up at the dragon, the flickering light making him seem all the more pale and insubstantial. "Hatori." The dragon nodded, coming to kneel before the chair, head bowed. "You have not been to see me as of late… I have missed you," murmured the pale youth, motioning for the dragon to move closer. "Tell me," he said, twining his fingers in Hatori's long raven hair as the man came closer on his knees. "What has happened to keep you from my side?"
Hatori swallowed, feeling the long fingers glide through his tresses. "Ayame…Ayame is not well, Akito-san," he whispered haltingly, almost…afraid. "I have been with him, trying to help…"
"And?"
Something told him he shouldn't speak, something in the way Akito asked… But he couldn't disobey. "It hasn't worked…Ayame is not responding."
A smile flickered like dancing dark across Akito's pale lips but it was gone in seconds. "What illness has stricken the dear Snake?"
"He is weak, that is all Akito." The fingers tightened in Hatori's hair and the dragon fought to keep a wince from his face.
"Weak," echoed the patriarch, hating the very feel of the word. "Yes, the Snake is weak, and always has been. It is the dominant trait for that Spirit. I suppose that makes sense…"
Hatori's hands tightened their grip on his pant legs. He held his tongue, though his mind screamed in protest to defend his friend, the one he—no. He must stay silent.
"So, the Snake is ill. I wonder of the cause… Is it the same as it was then?"
Hatori frowned, not daring to look at those indigo eyes, keeping his head carefully bowed. "What do you mean, Akito?"
Akito blinked in feigned surprise, though Hatori did not see it. "He has not yet told you?" he said, a hint of amusement stirring in that smooth voice. "You do not yet know of it, of that hideous secret that he keeps from you? How unfortunate."
Dark gold flickered in the corner of the dragon's vision. "What secret?" This was tiring, all these secrets. He could feel it, that he was getting closer to the truth, but did he truly want to know?
"Why, my dear Dragon," he said softly. "I cannot tell you. Only two have the right to, for only two truly know."
A tremor passed through Hatori. "Who?"
Akito caressed his cheek possessively. "I believe you already know. But I would ask Shigure—he seems to know far too much for his own good on occasion."
"He'll only deny everything, or brush it aside," the dragon couldn't stop himself from muttering. He froze, praying Akito would refrain from punishment.
"True," agreed the patriarch, startling Hatori. Akito reached down, gently pulling Hatori's hand up and laying it palm-up in his own. "Here," he said, eyes dark and a dark smirk tugging at his lips, as he pressed something cool and smooth into the dragon's palm.
Hatori's fingers curled around it and his eyes widened with a sudden burst of recognition. He looked up at the object and drew in a sharp breath. It was a syringe.
"There is your proof of the matter," whispered Akito into his ear. "Now go and find the answers you seek."
Hatori's wide gaze dropped to the floor. "Yes Akito." The hand removed itself from his raven hair and the dragon got slowly to his feet, bowing himself from the room. Akito's eyes narrowed when the door was shut. A figure emerged from the deep shadows of the room and the patriarch took the hand that was offered him.
Kureno's expressionless face looked down at him. "Akito."
"It has begun," muttered the youth, brushing the rooster aside as he made his way to the window. "Shigure…I will not lose him. Hatori is too close to the Snake—as such, the fool Snake will never see the Dog's love. Shigure will never be mine until he has what he wants at present." Akito's thin fingers curled to a fist. "And I will not lose him."
Kureno did not comment or speak as he stood. Those unfathomable eyes stared at space. He was a walking marionette. Akito turned to him, an ominous smirk on those bloodless lips. "The Snake… I am surprised it worked so well. That he fell so freely and readily for the truth. Worthless creature that he is, I at least thought he would resist longer than this."
Suddenly, Akito's hand flew to his mouth as he doubled over with a hacking cough. Kureno was at his side in seconds, holding him as his body was wracked with coughs, tendrils of pain twining around his throat causing his breaths to come in labored gasps, his indigo eyes were wide—terrified.
Almost as soon as it came on him, it was gone, leaving him panting and sapped in the rooster's loose embrace. He frowned, worried and shaking.
/\\\
"Akito-san?" Ayame's pale skin nearly glowed in the flickering firelight of the candles. "You called for me?"
The patriarch didn't turn from his position by corner candelabra. "Yes," he said softly. "I merely wish to know if you are happy."
The snake frowned, unnerved by the emptiness of that voice. "Happy? I'm fine Akito-san… Is that all you wanted to know? Can I leave now?"
A bold move, one the youth would not allow under normal circumstances. Akito's face twisted in fury before smoothing again to blank indifference. He turned at last, indigo eyes focused solely on the silhouette of the lithe man at the far end of the room. "Come closer, my pet," he murmured silkily. "Don't hide that pallid, ashen skin from my sight; I am your master, and I forgive you for it."
Ayame's frown turned stormy. "My skin is not ashen."
"Yes, yes, of course my pet," agreed Akito as though he were speaking to a small child. "You are lovely, I suppose. Lovely, but worthless all the same."
"I am not worthless!" Ayame was rigid now, his golden eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as Akito watched with placid amusement. "Now what do you want?"
"He does not know, does he?" asked the youth with an off-hand gesture. "The Dragon has not yet noticed, yes?"
Gold widened before the walls went up, shielding the truth behind the fool's mask. "Doesn't know what? Hasn't noticed what? Akito-san, what are you talking about?"
"You know perfectly well, Snake."
Ayame's eyes narrowed in challenge and defiance. "No, Akito. I do not," he answered stiffly, hands fisted at his sides.
Akito came toward him, noting—with no small satisfaction—that the snake took a hesitant step back. The youth stopped short, looking up into wide, almost frightened, golden eyes. Without so much as a warning, he struck, his nails tearing the alabaster skin of the other man's cheek. Ayame hit his knees, holding his injured cheek, eyes squinting in pain.
"You're worthless," the patriarch whispered softly, indigo eyes narrowed, malicious. "Why do you think Hatori hasn't noticed yet? Everyone else has, except for him… Perhaps, I think, it is because you are no more than a nuisance, a gnat in his ear that he wants no more than to kill… A worthless insect." Akito chuckled darkly. "A worthless insect…it fits you, Snake. It truly does. What good do you do? None. Even your own brother hates you. You feed off everyone while doing nothing of significance. You're worthless…"
Ayame let out a low whimper, his wide eyes downcast and angry. "No…I am not worthless!"
Akito snorted softly. "Then why, my dear Snake, has Hatori not once noticed? Not once asked about your scarred arm? Not once questioned your behavior those three years ago? Answer me that Snake."
The firelight flickered as a soft breeze floated through a crack somewhere. Ayame couldn't answer. He kneeled there, hand to his face, struggling to find a reason, an excuse.
He had none.
"I knew it." Akito knelt, crouching on his haunches, dark eyes narrowed in cruel satisfaction as he roughly grabbed Ayame's chin in his hand, forcing the snake to look directly into those haunting and pitiless eyes. "You knew it too. That's why you have not told him. He doesn't care about you. You are no more than an annoyance to him. A burden. Worthless. He will never notice you. Never see what is so plain, because he doesn't want to. Because he will never love you. You will never even be second best to Kana. Never. You are worthless."
Ayame shook his head out of Akito's grasp, glaring, tears coursing down his pale cheeks. "No. I don't…I don't believe you!" The pale youth merely watched him with calculating and cold eyes. "Tori-san has just been busy! Busy taking care of you! This is your fault!"
"My dear Snake," whispered the patriarch. "He has made time for Shigure…I have seen them together in the past month more times than I have ever seen him with you in the past three years. Why is that, I wonder?"
His tears were falling to the floor, crystal and glittering. Golden eyes were closed, squeezed shut. His body was wracked with pain-filled sobs as he curled, his back arched as he covered his face with spidery hands. "No…Tori-san… It's not true! It's not true! Tori…san…"
"Get out," hissed Akito, slapping the snake. Ayame fell back, scrambling toward the door, hand covering his mouth, tears flying from his closed eyes. "Worthless creature…it doesn't deserve his love…it doesn't deserve anyone's love…"
/\\\
The shadows were long on the floor now as Yuki entered the room. It smelled of loneliness, a smell Yuki remembered all too well and wished that he could forget. Violet eyes fell on the snake. Ayame stood in the shadows of the room, gazing through the window at the starless, moonless night. Golden eyes were fogged, distant and murky—unfathomable.
Yuki swallowed. "N-Nii-san? Are you all right?"
No answer.
"Nii-san, please, I want to help you…just tell me what's wrong. I care about you—I want to help!"
Ayame didn't turn. "So you think you care now?" he murmured coldly.
"What?" Yuki blinked, frowning. "I don't understand—"
"You think you care, Yuki, but you don't." The snake sighed, chuckling bitterly. "As soon as I'm deemed 'all right' again, you'll go back to your life and I'll go back to the ashes of mine. Nothing will change except that I'll be known as the fool who nearly killed himself."
"Nii-san! That's not true!"
Ayame turned, silver hair framing his face as his narrowed eyes studied the rat. "Really?" he questioned quietly. "I think it is. Think Yuki; will it really be any different? Will my attempting suicide really make you spend more time near me? Try to understand me? No. It won't change anything."
The rat didn't say anything, his eyes wide, pained. It was the truth—horribly naked and bare, the false hope and optimism stripped. Nothing would really change. Ayame was still annoying and a burden in his eyes—none of this really seemed real. It was forced. "I'm sorry Nii-san."
Ayame cocked his head. "What for?"
It was amoment before Yuki could answer. "That…that you feel so slighted. But we all do—we've all been hurt."
Ayame sighed, shaking his head. "You don't understand…but how could you? You don't know me…"
"I would if you'd just tell me!"
Silver swayed as Ayame turned to the wall, leaning his forehead against it, laughing dryly, bitterly. "Tell you? It's not so simple…"
"It can be," muttered Yuki. "You just seem to want to make everything so complicated…"
"Complicated," murmured the snake, a grim smile on his thin lips. "Interesting way of naming a mask. But it fits; I suppose—yes, complicated fits. You want me to tell you? Fine—I will. Pain. Constant and unending agony. Wearing a mask, fearing that if it slips…I'll lose everything. That's my life—everyday. And I'm sick of it."
Yuki could only stare—he'd never really known. "Nii-san…why?"
"Simple." Ayame's thin hands fisted against the wall by his head, his eyes saddened and lonely. "I don't want to loose the one thing in my life…that I ever truly loved." A flash of pain flitted across the rat's face but Ayame didn't see. "I…couldn't live if I lost it…but it doesn't matter anymore. I can't take this worthless life anymore…I won't burden everyone—I won't stay and let the friendship slip to hatred…"
"Nii-san," whispered Yuki softly. "You can't—Shigure and Hatori…they need you here!"
"No one needs me Yuki," was the empty reply. "What good have I ever done? I fail at everything I try to do—you being the best example of that—and then everyone else suffers for it…"
"Hypocrite," hissed the rat. Ayame looked back, startled. "You think it isn't like that for all of us? It is! I know what it feels like to fail! I know what it's like to feel utterly worthless—like I don't mean shit—but that doesn't mean you can just give up!"
Ayame glanced away. "How would you understand—the Rat could never understand."
"Don't say that!" growled Yuki, eyes narrowed to slits. "Everyone says that—they don't have a clue what it means to be the Rat!"
"And you don't have a clue what it means to be me," countered the snake, going to the teen. He grabbed the boy's hands, his own hands ice cold and shaking. "Do you want to know? It's ice—winter year-round for me. I'm always freezing, no matter how warm or happy I am—it's always cold." Golden eyes were piercing as they held violet in their depths. "I can't stand the cold any more; I've been cold for too long. It's killing me…"
Yuki swallowed. Ayame let go of his hands and sighed, straightening. He brushed past the teen, heading toward the door, his kimono dragging along the floorboards. The rat's eyes followed him. "Where are you going?"
"I can't stand to be cooped up all day…I'm taking a walk—I won't leave the house so tell Tori-san not to worry...if he cares at all."
With that, Yuki was left alone in the dark room, staring at the window and the empty stars and hopes. Optimism was dead, plummeting like a falling star, the moon hiding her face from the truth—all was black and something would soon break—and he dreaded that moment.
/\\\
Firelight flickered across his face as it twisted and contorted to a portentous smirk that flowed from his thin lips to stop short at his indigo eyes. Akito played teasingly with a strand of Kureno's russet hair. The rooster just lay there next to him, eyes closed like a contented cat.
"My dear Kureno," whispered the youth. "I have a favor to ask of you…"
The rooster looked up, his soft coffee eyes curious and somewhat anxious, though none of that showed on his face and remained contained to his eyes.
Akito caressed his cheek. "The Dragon is coming too close…he must be…removed…though I do not relish the idea of losing him."
"Akito…"
"Do it tonight," commanded the patriarch, sighing, "After he has learned of his betrayal of the Snake. Give him that last pain before his release…"
Kureno shivered, his coffee eyes sliding closed again. "As you wish, Akito…"
/\\\
A/N: Interesting…what is our dear Akito up to? What secrets does Ayame hide? And Hatori… Ayame's will is slipping—will he attempt suicide again? He's on the brink and teetering on the edge; can anyone or anything save him? You'll just have to read to find out…
To My Most Wonderful Reviewers (last chapter's replies):
dimonyo-anghel- … Well. Yes, I do feel sorry for Akito sometimes too. But that just makes him a better target for my stories… And Hatori doesn't catch pneumonia; just so know. And yes, Ayame is a little blind. Keep reading!
Zukinn Chan- Hahaha…yes! Drama, drama, drama! I love drama (if you haven't noticed already). In any case, I had a feeling his mother wouldn't have liked him so I thought I'd go with that. Thanks for another helpfully nice review! Keep on reading!
SamusKaiba:TheNeglected- Obviously, I'm weird as well since I'm writing it! Don't be ashamed of the weirdness! Okay…sorry…too much sugar. Anyway, I know you'll like the rest… It just keeps getting darker. Thanks for the review!
vampirgurl- You are excused. Yes, poor everyone. I'm evil like that. But thanks for the review! Keep reading…
Mist's Child- Hehe…yes, it is sad, isn't it? Thanks for the review!
Kastuy- Are you by any chance…Katsy? In any case, I wish I were born in the year of the Snake! Oh well… Thanks for the review!
kishe- No offense…but is that all you say? But sure, I'll write more! I love to write anyway! And please, keep reading and reviewing!
Solo Shadow- Hmm…thanks for the compliment! But really, this story isn't really about Ayame and Yuki's relationship…in fact—I hate Yuki. Don't ask me why, but I do. No wait, I'll say it anyway—he's got a friggin' stick up his ass! But I suppose he's not as bad as I think…I suppose I could give him a second chance… You were right about the other one though; it is about the relationship between the Trio, particularly Ayame. But please, keep reading!
To My Most Wonderful Reviewers (this chapter's replies):
SamusKaiba:TheNeglected- Heh. Sorry about that. I had to write the chapter first! Anyway…thanks. Being called angsty is a compliment to me! Thanks and keep reading!
Different Child- Yes, Yuki did need to hear that. And yes, it's a Catch-22 with Akito and Shigure. I'm worried about Ayame…and I wrote the damn thing! Heh. Thanks and please, keep reading and reviewing!
Zukinn Chan- Nice to know we share a lot of the same views! In any case, thank you so much for the wonderful compliment! I love reading your reviews—they're always so helpful and motivating! And Yuki always seeing Ayame as perpetually bright does get annoying, doesn't it? And yes, Shigure and Akito are confusing! Heh. Thanks, and please keep reviewing!
FireChibi- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! A wonderful compliment! I'm so happy! And yes, normally, it seems all it takes to make the snake happy again is two words from Shigure—not here! Please, keep reading and reviewing!
Child of the Dark Wood- I hope you got out of the rough patch… And thank you so much for the roses—how'd you know black was my favorite color? Heh. They are currently sitting on my computer desk! Right next to my soapbox. And you changed your penname! Didn't it use to be Kanya13666? Heh. Thanks! Please, keep reading! (Finally, someone else who doesn't worship Prince Stick-up-his-ass!) But yea, I think I may have fixed the computer problem… Anyways, please, keep reading and reviewing!
HokutoSumeragi- There ya go! Continued for you! And thanks for the review! Please, keep reading! All I ask for are reviews!
silverdragon87- Thanks! And to think my teachers always yelled at me for not having enough detail… I find that ironically funny. And thanks for the review—I hope to hear from you again!
WHPIAR- Hehe…thanks! Likewise, I always get giggly when I get a good review—like yours—or am mentioned (though I've only been mentioned twice). And yea, there probably won't be any more characters (Kureno won't be in it too much…) and I like it that way. Too many characters are too confusing! And thank you so much! Please, keep reading and reviewing!
bozzo- … Wow. You're welcome, but it was really my pleasure! And thanks for the compliment about Shigure—keep reading, you'll like it! (I hope...)
lazy fat kitsune- Ah, I'm afraid I can't do that. Haven't you heard "it always gets worse before it gets better"? Same applies here. But please, keep reading!
feather fairy- Oh dear. I hope the suspense doesn't kill you—that'd be bad! But here's the next chapter for you and I hope you enjoy it! And yes, I prefer to show this side of Ayame, as not many others do. It's what the anime was missing.
Lurel- Heh. You've been reading a lot of my fics lately. I hope you enjoy them. I recommend "Though The Photographs May Fade", personally one of my favorites—as well as "Suzaku's Fire", which will eventually get angstier. And thank you so much for reading my stories and reviewing! Keep it up!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! The story's getting nearer to a close, though hopefully no one's figured out everything yet—that'd ruin all the fun! But yea, again, it will be a while for the next chapter—thanks for being so patient.
Kurai