Hello everyone! Here's the next one for you guys. With this chapter, this story hit over 400k words, which is just nuts. I never thought I'd still be writing for this long, but I'm so glad I am. Thank you all for the continued love and support on each and every chapter. It's made it so rewarding for me to keep this story going.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
Chapter Forty Eight
Gabby laid on her side, her breathing heavy as Matt adjusted himself behind her, wrapping his arm around her growing waist, resting his palm on her stomach. He caught his breath, lifting his head to rest on her shoulder, Gabby feeling his smile as their warm bodies pressed together.
"That was…" She breathed out, Matt chuckling in her ear as he placed a soft kiss to her neck, stroking his thumb over her belly.
"Incredible." He answered, kissing her skin again before placing his head against hers, the two lying quietly as they regulated their breathing.
When they made their way into the apartment over an hour ago, the newly engaged couple wasted no time stumbling their way into the bedroom. It took them longer than usual to get there, Gabby's pregnant body and Matt's beat up one slowing them down a bit, but they eventually got there, shedding their clothes as they went. It took some time for them to find a way that worked for them, the combination of needing Gabby to be comfortable as well as Matt not hurting himself proving difficult to just fall into their usual rhythm. But soon they figured it out, Gabby lying on her side as Matt laid behind her, the couple moving together as they relished in the feeling of one another.
They were able to take their time, Gabby keeping the pressure off her stomach and Matt keeping his back off the bed and weight off his knee. Their movements were slow, and passionate, and filled with nothing but love.
Opening his eyes, Matt saw Gabby admiring the wedding band on her finger, his content grin widening as he slid his hand up to rest just under her breasts.
"Did I do okay?" He questioned quietly, Gabby turning her head to glance back at him.
"With which part?" She asked teasingly, Matt chuckling before placing a kiss on the side of her mouth. "The ring is beautiful, Matt." She responded honestly, her smile widening. "I love it so much.. And the sex wasn't bad, either." She added, Matt raising his eyebrows.
"Once I get my full mobility back, just you wait." He promised, Gabby shaking her head in amusement, resting back against the pillow as she faced the wall. Matt placed his head against hers again, Gabby's hand coming up to rub the side of his head, scratching her fingers through his short hair.
They had fallen back into a peaceful quiet, Gabby continuing to run her hand through his hair, nearly lulling him to sleep.
"So…" Gabby spoke up after a few minutes, Matt's tired eyes slowly opening. "You've been planning this since Christmas?"
A small grin fell onto his lips, Matt nuzzled his head against hers, enjoying the light massage she was giving him. "Before actually."
"Really?" Even through his exhausted haze, he could hear the surprise in her voice.
"Really." He answered, placing a soft kiss against her neck. "But pretty much the second I knew you were staying, I was thinking about making you my wife again, the timing just kind of got all messed up."
Gabby simply hummed in response, Matt's eyebrows furrowing as he opened his eyes, waiting to see if she said anything else. But she stayed quiet, even though Matt could practically hear her thoughts running laps in her head.
"What is it?" He questioned, Gabby looking back towards him.
"Hmm?"
"What's going on in there?" He asked again, resting his cheek on her shoulder.
Gabby shrugged as much as she could from her positioning on the bed, taking to playing with the end of the bed sheet, Matt's uncertainty only growing.
"I guess I was just.. I don't know, starting to think you had changed your mind."
"About us?" He asked, confusion and concern flooding his voice.
"About marriage." She responded softly, Matt sighing deeply as he pulled back from her.
"Come here, I can't see you." He prompted gently, lifting up the sheet and slowly helping her turn to her other side, letting her get comfortable before settling next to her, the couple finally facing one another, Matt's head resting in his palm. "You thought I didn't want to marry you?"
"I thought you weren't sure if you wanted to get married at all." She responded, moving her gaze to his chest, focusing there to avoid his eye contact. "I know it was something we talked about when I first got back, but then the topic hadn't come up since… I wasn't sure if it was something you still wanted." She voiced vulnerably, Matt feeling guilt sweep over him.
"Baby, I'm- I'm sorry, I never meant to make you feel like that." He responded, shaking his head. "I didn't even know it was something you were thinking about, with everything else going on. Damn, that ring has been sitting in the dresser in the guest room for months. I'm sorry you were feeling like that, you could've told me."
She simply shrugged her shoulders again, placing her hand over his chest, her fingers messing with the sheet resting against him. "It's not a big deal, I don't want you to feel bad or anything. I just wasn't sure if it was something that was still happening."
"Trust me, I haven't stopped thinking about it." He voiced, Gabby finally meeting his gaze. "I had planned to propose on Christmas Eve- I know, it's corny, I know." He spoke when he saw the look on her face, Gabby chuckling softly. "But we hadn't dealt with the baby issue yet, and it scared me. How that tore us apart last time, I kind of freaked out and talked myself out of it. Then not long after that is when we found out about our little girl…" He spoke, returning his hand to her stomach. "And from then on, it's just been a whirlwind. Everything's going by so fast. But I should've made it a priority, I had no idea you were worrying about that. Because that should be nowhere on your list of concerns, I want to be married to you. I'd marry you tomorrow if I could. I'm sorry I gave you a reason to doubt that, but believe me, I still see you as my wife. And here soon you will legally be my wife. And I will be Mr. Gabby Dawson." He spoke, his chest filling with warmth as he saw the grin on her face.
"Yeah, you make a pretty good Mr. Gabby Dawson." She teased, Matt smirking as he leaned down to kiss her, Gabby's hand moving to his head. "But really, don't feel bad about this. I could've just asked you, and plus my hormones are making me feel crazy anyway. If I were a sane person, I don't think I would've thought anything of it at all." She told him with a laugh, Matt clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
"Well, you have a pass to be a little crazy… Although, if you ask me, you're not being crazy at all. I'm not sure how baby girl feels though." He spoke with a sheepish grin before slowly turning his body, his actions careful as he moved his knee, Matt stopping when he faced her stomach. Without hesitation, he pulled the sheets down below her bump, placing his hand over her belly.
"Matt…" Gabby whined, her arm covering her chest as the cool air hit her bare skin.
"Uh oh, seems like your Momma's a little grumpy. She's the one who likes to turn the air conditioning all the way down." He spoke against her stomach, glancing up to Gabby as he felt her swat the back of his head. "Okay, maybe more than a little grumpy." He teased, placing his free hand over her forearm. "But what you do you think, baby? Is Momma acting crazy?" Matt slowly moved his hand around her expanding stomach, Gabby rolling her eyes as she felt the baby move under his touch, a proud smirk falling onto his lips. "See? Our girl might think you're a little nuts."
"You're already turning her against me." She responded, Matt grinning as he placed a kiss to her stomach.
"No, I'd never do that. You just love your Daddy, don't you?" His smile widened as he felt her move against his hand, Gabby smiling just as big as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Oh boy, she's already got you wrapped around her little finger." She mused, Matt just smiling, placing another kiss to her stomach.
"Well, can you blame me? She's perfect. And she's daddy's little girl, she's already been keeping secrets for me, you know.." He spoke, Gabby raising her eyebrow in question, waiting for him to elaborate. "I told her about me proposing when you were asleep. Which, guess what little one, your Momma said yes. Just like we planned." He spoke against her skin, continuously rubbing his thumb over her belly.
"Well, good to know she can keep a secret." Gabby responded, her eyes falling closed as she focused on Matt's movements over her bump, and the feeling of his breath on her skin. "What do you want to do about that, anyway?" She questioned, not seeing Matt glance up to her as she kept her eyes closed.
"About what?"
"When were you thinking of getting married?"
"I wasn't kidding, I'd marry you tomorrow." He replied, Gabby opening her eyes. "But I know that's not the most realistic thing in the world. Although I was hoping to be married before she gets here."
"Really?"
"Mhmm." He responded, resting his head against the top of her thigh. "I know we never got the white wedding the first time around…"
"I loved our wedding." Gabby interjected, Matt nodding as he smiled at her.
"So did I." He agreed. "Which is why I'd be perfectly fine just going to the courthouse again. I don't need the big ceremony, or hundreds of people, I just want you to be my wife. All I need is you. And our girl."
A soft smile fell to her face, Gabby nodding slowly. "Sounds perfect." She mumbled, scratching his head.
"I say we pick a day, get Severide and Jemma.. And Antonio, and your dad if you want, and go to the courthouse." Matt spoke, trying to read her expression. "And then maybe once little girl is here, we can have a ceremony, invite the firehouse and your friends from work and everyone. And all three of us can be apart of it."
"I would love that." Gabby murmured, tears filling her eyes at the thought.
"Then it's settled. That's what we'll do." He answered, Gabby nodding before a yawn escaped her lips. "We can talk more about it tomorrow, for now let's just sleep."
"I can't yet." She responded, slowly lifting herself up. "I've gotta go to the bathroom, and plus I never actually got dinner. That was the one flaw in your plan." She teased, Matt chuckling as she carefully got out of bed, watching her as she moved to the bathroom.
While she was gone, he maneuvered himself to the edge of the bed, his movements slow as he leaned down to the floor to get his boxers, grimacing when he stood up to put them on.
By the time Gabby returned a few moments later, he had sat back down on the bed, watching her bare figure as she moved to the dresser, pulling out one of his t-shirts.
"You know, I don't think you need that. You look better without it." He grinned as she slipped the material over her head, Gabby chuckling as his shirt fell just around her hips, reaching into her drawer for a pair of underwear before turning back to him.
"I'm sure you do think that. But I'm hungry and I know our curtains aren't closed." She spoke lightly, Matt shrugging with a grin. Gabby turned back around to the dresser, looking at herself in the mirror as she pushed her hair back, her smile widening as she caught sight of the wedding band on her finger.
Realization suddenly washed over her as she glanced back to Matt, seeing his eyes on her.
"What?" He questioned, Gabby turning back around, her eyes moving to the small box sitting on the corner of the dresser. Opening it up, her smile widened when she saw exactly what she was looking for. She was happy to see it still in the same place it always was when they went to shift, she was happy to see he hadn't hidden it away.
Pulling out the silver band, she turned around, Matt quickly catching a glimpse of what she was holding. A soft smile fell to his face, Gabby walking towards him, stopping in between his legs as he sat on the bed.
"I believe this belongs to you." She spoke with a grin, bringing her hand up to caress the side of his face, rubbing his cheek gently. "May I?"
"Absolutely." He responded without hesitation, tears filling her eyes as she slowly slid the wedding band onto his finger, returning it to the place it always belonged.
"I love you." She whispered, a grin breaking through the tears beginning to fall down her face. His hands moved to her hips, pulling her closer to him as she wrapped her arm around his neck.
"I love you, too."
Gabby hopped down from the ambulance, her hand resting on her bump as she walked through the garage towards the house.
"Hello ladies."
Gabby stifled an eye roll as she heard the voice of Captain Garcia, the three paramedics glancing to him as he pushed himself off from 81.
"Hello." Brett responded politely, Foster shooting him a smile.
"How was the call?"
Gabby stood back and let Brett and Foster interact with the man covering for Matt. Captain Luke Garcia had been here for two of Matt's three missed weeks of shift, and, to put it as kindly as she could, Gabby couldn't wait for Matt to be back.
Although she had only worked with him for about a week, she didn't have a very high opinion of him. The man was about as arrogant as one could get, which normally would be something Gabby could get used to, but what irked her was how he came into the house clearly gunning for Matt's job. She heard some comments from everyone around the house about how it was clear he wanted to stay here from the moment he showed up, and Gabby saw exactly what they were talking about her first shift back. He had gotten way too comfortable, and it rubbed her the wrong way. And it didn't help that the second he found out her and Casey were in a relationship, he had taken to constantly asking her about Matt and his recovery. It would be one thing if he was genuinely curious or concerned, but she knew that wasn't it.
Gabby had tried to keep her problems with the temporary Captain to herself, not wanting to give Matt anything else to worry about, but her patience with the man was wearing thin. She'd never push Matt or his recovery, but she was very much looking forward to him returning to work. 51 wasn't the same without him, and having Garcia here only made it harder.
"So, anything new to report?" The Captain asked as Gabby's focus returned to the conversation she really had no interest in. Slowly, she began stepping away from the group, beginning the walk into the firehouse.
"Nope, nothing much. We were just talking about Dawson's engagement." Foster spoke, a grin appearing on his face.
"Ah, yes I heard you all talking about that a couple shifts ago. Dawson?" He called, Gabby taking a deep breath as she stopped walking, turning back towards the group, seeing Garcia's eyes on her.
"Yes?"
"I haven't gotten the chance to officially congratulate you on your engagement yet." He spoke, Gabby simply nodding. "I don't remember, when did he propose?"
"Last week." She answered shortly, Garcia's grin widening.
"Well, good for you, locking the Captain down. Especially with that baby on the way."
"I'm sorry?" She questioned with narrowed eyes.
"No disrespect meant, Dawson." He assured her, Gabby not responding as she continued her walk to the double doors. "How is the Captain feeling, anyway?" He called, making her stop once more.
"Feeling better everyday." She bit out through clenched teeth, not giving him another look before walking inside, taking a deep breath to try and rid her body of some of its tension.
She hated that Garcia got under her skin, and she hated that he knew it. But she especially hated him taking advantage of it. No one in the house was particularly fond of the temporary replacement for Casey, but with the stall in his recovery, Boden knew it was necessary.
It had been well over three weeks since his accident, and, despite what she told Garcia, Matt hadn't seen much improvement. Everything was fine, except his knee. And she hated knowing he was still in pain.
She had tried on multiple occasions to get him to go back to see Dr. Williams, but he refused, always giving her some excuse as to why he didn't need to. But she was worried, and she knew it was taking a toll on him emotionally.
"Whoa, you alright kid?" Herrmann questioned when he saw Dawson come into the room, Gabby sucking in a deep breath as she nodded, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to him.
"I'm fine, just… I'm over that guy."
"Garcia? Yeah, he's not the easiest to be around."
"Every time he sees me, he keeps asking about Matt. And I know it's just him insuring he's gonna have another shift to come back to, but he's infuriating. I just want Matt to get better and be able to work." She breathed out quickly, Herrmann's eyes widening as he heard the frustration in her voice. Seeing his reaction, she shook her head, rubbing her hand over her stomach in an effort to calm herself down. "Sorry, I'm just- I can't really complain about all this to Matt."
"It's fine, Dawson. I know this has been hard on the both of you. Casey still not getting any better?"
"No, he's not. And it's killing him. I don't know what to do to help him." She responded, Herrmann rubbing her shoulder.
"He'll be okay, kid. Hopefully the docs can figure out what's going on soon, and he'll be back bossing everyone around." He joked, Gabby flashing him a small, appreciative smile.
"Yeah, hopefully. I know he misses it here, he misses working and he misses you guys."
"We miss him, too. But, I don't care what Garcia does, Casey's job will always be here waiting for him." Herrmann responded, Gabby nodding as she moved her attention to the TV, giving herself the moment to relax while she had it.
Matt slowly limped his way into the guest room, bracing his hands against the wall for support as he ignored the lingering pain in his knee. With Gabby on shift today, he was determined to make some progress in the baby's room. The boxed up crib had been sitting in here for almost two weeks, just waiting to be put together. He had tried a few days ago, but soon realized his body wasn't up for the work necessary to build the furniture. And he wasn't sure he was feeling much better today, but he was determined to get something done. He couldn't just sit here all day again, he was going to go insane if he didn't find something to keep himself busy.
Huffing out a breath, he stepped into the room, slowly moving towards the partially opened box. The glider they bought had, thankfully, came put together, and was put in the corner just waiting to be put in its place. But first, the crib needed to be fixed.
As he got to the box, he grunted as he leaned over, wincing as his new skin pulled from the movements. With a little bit of pain, and a bunch of discomfort, Matt was able to get the first piece of wood from the large box. But his frustration only grew as he felt his body already slowing him down, telling him he needed to take a break, even though he had barely started. As he tried to pull the next piece of wood out, he lost his grip, the box tumbling over to the ground, Matt releasing a frustrated groan as the pieces laid out in a mess around him.
Knowing this wasn't something he'd be able to fix right now, Matt clenched his fists at his sides as he slowly made his way from the room, smacking his hand into the wall as he passed through the door, anger coursing through him.
The longer he walked, the more pain he felt radiating in his knee, Matt's cheeks flushing as he forced himself to keep going, making his way to their bedroom and slowly into the bathroom, using anything he could grip onto as an aid.
Getting to the counter, Matt opened the medicine cabinet on the wall, reaching behind the other bottles to pull out his strategically placed pill bottle. Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened it, tilting the bottle into his hand, getting the medication out. Once in his grasp, he put the lid back on, staring at the medicine in his hand, shaking his head before popping the pill into his mouth.
Resting his palms against the sink, Matt stared at himself in the mirror, unable to focus on anything other than the pain he felt in his knee. The longer he stood, the more anger began to flood through his body, tears of frustration filling his eyes as his breaths became ragged.
This shouldn't be happening. He shouldn't be restricted by his own body. He should be better by now, but he wasn't.
He angrily reached for the pill bottle, throwing it against the mirror as rage overtook him, Matt breathing heavily as he watched the small pills bounce over the counter.
He needed to calm down, he knew he had to. But he felt hopeless. It felt like this was always going to be his life now, that the constant pain would never go away, and he'd be dependent on pain medication for the rest of his life. That wasn't something he was comfortable with, and he hated it. He hated being hurt, he hated the stupid brace that did nothing for him, he hated needing the crutches more often than not.
He hated all of it, and it felt like it was never going to end.
Taking a deep breath, Matt quickly wiped away the lone tear that escaped down his cheek, slowly beginning to pick up the pills he could find, placing them back into the bottle before hiding it away in the medicine cabinet.
Turning off the light, he walked back out into the bedroom, his rage morphing into annoyance as he gave up his walk, changing his path from the door to their bed. Carefully he placed himself on the bed, resting against the mattress as he laid down, hoping that if he took a nap, maybe he'd wake up feeling a little less defeated.
But he knew he wouldn't.
Gabby slid her keys into the back door, slowly pushing it open and walking into the quiet house. Glancing around after locking the door, she wasn't surprised to find only silence waiting for her, knowing it was still early.
Quietly placing her bag down on the counter, Gabby walked towards the bedroom, her hands cradling her stomach as she moved into the room. Her eyebrows immediately furrowed in confusion as she saw the un-made bed empty, Gabby turning back around and leaving the room, quickly finding Matt curled up on the couch.
Sighing deeply, Gabby walked over to him, carefully sitting down on the coffee table, her eyes moving over his features as he slept on his side. Even asleep, she could see how exhausted he still was. It didn't look like he was resting peacefully, a small frown forming on her face as she watched him.
Slowly she brought her hand up to run over the side of his face, tracing her fingers through his hair, watching as his face scrunched up, Matt slowly being pulled into consciousness. He blinked a couple times, needing a few moments to regain himself, his eyes locking with hers as she came into focus.
"Good morning." She spoke softly, rubbing her thumb over his temple.
"Morning." He responded, a yawn escaping his lips.
"What are you doing out here?" She asked, dropping her hand as Matt slowly began to sit up, the blanket falling down off his bare chest. She watched as he threw the blanket down to the end of the couch before slowly grabbing his knee, adjusting his positioning.
"Couldn't sleep." He shrugged, reaching for the brace sitting beside Gabby, sliding up the material of his pajama pants to give him access to his leg. "I woke up in the middle of the night, my knee was killing me and I couldn't get comfortable, so I came out here.. Must've fallen asleep." He spoke, Gabby frowning as he secured his brace in place.
"I'm sorry." She murmured, Matt meeting her eyes, flashing her a small smile.
"It's alright. What about you? How was shift?"
Gabby shrugged, lifting her hand to brush down his unruly hair. "It was fine, it's not the same without you. I miss you being there."
"Me too." He breathed out, Gabby moving her hand down from his head to his lap, grabbing ahold of his hand. "I hate that we only have limited time left working together, and I'm missing all of it." He spoke, trying to mask the frustration in his voice, but Gabby could see right through it. "But hopefully I'll be back soon." He continued, forcing a small smile onto his lips.
"I know you will." She spoke surely.
"But back to you, how's our girl doing?"
"She's good, she missed you." Gabby spoke, watching as the forced smile on his lips got replaced with a very real one, his eyes moving to her stomach.
"I missed you too, little one." He murmured, placing his palm over her belly. "I missed both you and your Momma." Matt's grin widened as he felt her moving under his touch, his frustrations falling away as he felt their little girl.
"She really is a daddy's girl." Gabby spoke with a smirk, Matt raising his eyebrows.
"Well, that's not really surprisingly, I don't think." He joked, Gabby scoffing lightly, shaking her head.
"No, I guess not." She agreed with a chuckle, patting his hand before standing up. "But speaking of our girl, she's using my bladder as a punching bag, so I'll be right back." She said, Matt nodding with a grin. Gabby only made it a few steps before she spoke up again, Matt glancing towards her as he heard her voice. "Oh, I meant to ask, were you able to get any work done on the crib? I know you said you might try again." She asked, Matt's smile falling as he shook his head.
"No, I didn't." He responded, Gabby stopping and turning to look at him as she stood in the entrance to their bedroom. "I tried, but I wasn't able to… I kind of left a mess in there." He spoke, avoiding her gaze, missing the sympathetic smile that fell on her lips.
"That's okay, we've got plenty of time." She assured him before continuing into the bedroom.
Within five minutes she had finished, Gabby standing at the sink as she washed her hands, turning off the faucet before grabbing the towel. Her eyes caught sight of something unusual as she stood there, confusion filling her features while she put the hand towel back in its place, reaching down behind Matt's deodorant to pick up the small, white pill resting on the counter. She wasn't sure where this came from, but it wasn't any medication she recognized as theirs. She knew what it was, it was a pretty strong pain medication, but she knew they didn't have this type of medicine in the house.
With her curiosity getting the better of her, Gabby moved to the medicine cabinet, pulling open the door, her eyes bouncing around as she tried to find where this pill came from. Just as she was about to give up on her search, her eyes caught sight of a flash of orange. It was hidden behind a few other bottles of various things, but she saw it. Reaching for it carefully, Gabby pulled it out, her confusion only growing as she looked at the label, seeing Matt's name. But what confused her the most was the date, seeing this had been prescribed to him last week.
Breathing deeply, Gabby shut the medicine cabinet, keeping the pill bottle in her hand as she walked back out towards the living room, find Matt exactly where she left him.
"What are these?" She questioned softly, his head snapping at her words, seeing immediate confusion settle over his face, before his eyes moved to the pill bottle and realization set in. She saw a look of guilt flash in his eyes, Matt sighing as she walked towards him, Gabby sitting beside him on the couch.
"It's some new pain medication." He answered.
"When did you get them?" Although she knew the answer to her question, she was more so looking for the 'why' he got them, and why she didn't know about it.
"I went to see Dr. Williams last week, your first day back on shift."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you to miss more work because of me." Based on the look that covered her face, Matt knew she wasn't impressed by his answer.
"Nothing is more important than your health, Matt. I don't care how much work I have or haven't missed, I would've gone with you. I should've been there with you." She spoke, Matt nodding knowingly. "What did Williams say?" She questioned, seeing his shoulders deflate, concern filling her body as she watched his demeanor shift.
"Nothing good." He breathed out, her eyebrows furrowing. "Well, I guess that's not entirely true. There's good news in the fact that there isn't any tearing in my knee, nothing's broken or anything like that. The bad news is there's nothing on my scans to explain the pain." He continued, Gabby gripping the bottle in her hands. "He said there could be some nerve damage, and that could lead to chronic pain, which is something I'd have to just learn to live with."
"Matt…" She spoke softly, shaking her head. "You should've told me. I mean, I can tell you've taken some of these," She spoke, holding the pill bottle up, "I just didn't know the pain was this bad." She said, Matt shrugging as he leaned back against the couch.
"I've only taken them a few times, when it's really bad. It doesn't always hurt, but it hurts enough… I just don't know why it's not getting better."
"What exactly did he say about the chronic pain?" She asked, trying to keep her mind straight, needing to get the information from him.
"He said we weren't there yet, but that if the pain doesn't ease up, that it would probably be the only explanation. And that was a week ago, and I'm not feeling any better. He gave me these stronger pain pills, and at first I refused to take them, but I gave in a few times… Sometimes it just hurt so bad I couldn't help it." He groaned, Gabby's face softening.
"Matt, if you need the pills, I want you to take them. There's nothing wrong with using them if they help you."
"But I can't, Gabby." He spoke frustratedly, Gabby's eyes widening as she heard his tone, soon understanding this was seriously weighing on his mind, and it had been for awhile. "I can't be hooked on pain pills, I can't be dependent on them for the rest of my life."
"Matt-"
"Our little girl deserves better than a dad who has to be drugged up to get through the day." He spoke quickly, like he hadn't even heard her, Gabby's concern and confusion only growing. "What kind of dad does that make me? I can't be a good enough dad for her, especially if I can't get through the day without some pills, I can't, I…" His hands came up to run over his face, Matt trailing off of he was unable to express his thoughts, Gabby watching him with concern.
"Hey hey hey, where is this coming from?" She questioned, grabbing ahold of his hands, bringing them down from his face. "You are already an incredible father to our girl, you are going to be an incredible dad once she's here. You're already so attentive and loving, I'm pretty sure you're more prepared than I am…" She spoke lightly, seeing his face soften. "I mean, between the stack of baby books on your nightstand, and the ones in your office at the firehouse, I know you've read more than me. Not to mention all those parenting apps I've seen on your phone." She continued, rubbing her thumb over his skin. "You are more than ready for this, you're going to be an amazing father, Matt… Where is this coming from?"
Matt's eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of Gabby's hand on his arm, trying to form his thoughts into coherent words Gabby could make sense of. "I can't be on these pills for the rest of my life, I can't do that to her."
"Baby, I don't understand.. You gotta talk to me. You needing medication doesn't mean you can't be a good dad, if anything they'll help you become a better one. You being in pain isn't going to help anything. I don't-"
"My dad." He murmured, effectively stopping her sentence. Gabby's face fell, realization washing over her as he met her eyes. "I don't want to end up like my dad."
"Matt…" She whispered, tears filling her eyes as she watched him shake his head.
"He was on pills from the moment I was born, he had so many problems with substance abuse, and we both know what happened… I can't do that to her. I can't do that our baby." He blinked back the tears in his own eyes, moving his gaze down to their hands. "My entire life, I've been terrified of turning out like him, of turning into him." A lone tear fell down her cheek, Gabby not bothering to wipe it away as she heard the fear and worry in his voice. "I'm already scared I'm not gonna be a good enough dad for our daughter, and all this… it only makes it worse. I saw how my dad's actions affected Christie, and I'm worried I'm gonna do that to our girl, and it terrifies me. I don't know how to be a good dad, I had a terrible father… I'm scared I'm going to end up like him, and she deserves so much better than that."
Gabby took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in her throat as she put her hand under his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes, seeing the pain he'd been carrying. This wasn't something he'd been holding onto since he got hurt, this was a deep rooted fear he'd had for a long time, and she hated that she didn't see it sooner. She hated that he'd been feeling like this, and she hadn't been able to help him.
"You are not your father." She finally spoke, seeing him blink tightly. "I never met him, but I know what you've told me. And you need to believe me when I tell you that you are not him." Her voice was firm and unwavering, Gabby running her thumb over his jaw. "You are kind, and incredibly loving. You have the biggest heart, and you protect those you love. You don't hurt them." She paused momentarily, wanting her words to really sink in. "You are going to be an incredible father, I don't want you to ever doubt that, alright? Our little girl is so lucky to have a dad like you. I have never, ever worried about you with our girl."
Matt nodded slowly, Gabby smiling softly as she leaned forward, placing a soft kiss to his lips, Matt resting is hand on her waist. When they pulled back, Gabby leaned her forehead against his, keeping her hand on his cheek, the two sitting in a comfortable quiet for a few moments.
"I love you. Our little girl loves you." Gabby murmured, Matt releasing a soft breath. "If you're ever feeling like this again, please tell me, so I can remind you just how incredible you are. You're going to be an amazing dad, Matt. Please don't doubt that."
"Thank you." He whispered, leaning in to kiss her once more before the two settled into the couch, Matt wrapping his arm around her shoulder while placing his other hand over her belly. "I love you both, too." He responded, Gabby placing a kiss to his bare shoulder before leaning against him, feeling his body relax into her.
"How are you feeling?" She asked for the third time since they'd arrived, Matt smiling softly at her, giving her a small nod.
"I'm alright." He told her as he had the first two times, Gabby accepting his answer as she relaxed back into her chair.
The couple were at Chicago Med, Matt sitting on the exam table in an uncomfortable gown as Gabby sat to his right, perched in the chair beside him. He was back for his follow-up appointment with Dr. Williams, the appointment Gabby hadn't been made aware of until the day before yesterday, which she didn't appreciate too much. But as soon as she found out he was going back, she cleared her schedule, insisting she come with him.
Once Matt had been brought to his room, the nurse took his vitals and asked him some questions, before telling him to get changed into his gown so he could be taken for a new scan. Gabby stayed in her seat while Matt was gone, having to keep herself entertained for the forty-five minutes he was gone.
And now they sat waiting for Dr. Williams, Gabby resting her hands over her growing stomach as Matt swung his good leg back and forth, his injured one staying mostly still.
"How bad does the knee hurt?" She questioned, Matt glancing back towards her.
"It's not too bad right now." He answered, Gabby nodding as her tongue ran over her lips.
"And you're sure you're okay?" She asked, Matt's eyebrows furrowing before he realized what she meant, his features softening as he gave her a nod.
"I'm good, I promise." He assured her, Gabby's eyes flickering over his face, looking for any signs of deception. Finding none, she nodded, smiling back at him.
It had been a couple of days since their talk when Matt told her about his fears, how he was worried about his abilities as a father. And since then, Gabby had been continuously checking in with him, always wanting to make sure he was alright. She felt terrible for him, knowing how long these fears must've been eating away at him, and she wanted to do everything in her power to make sure he was okay.
In the days since, they'd also had a few long talks about Matt's medication, and how he might not have any choice in taking pain meds. It still wasn't something he was comfortable with, but with some help from Gabby, he had come to understand it might be what's best. She didn't want him to be afraid to take his pills if he needed them, and she always made sure to remind him that she wasn't worried about him being on them. How she knew he'd be fine, and if it was in his best interest to take them, she didn't want him being afraid to do so.
It took some time, but she knew they were making progress. That Matt was slowly coming around to the idea, and trusting himself enough to take the medicine when he needed it. It wasn't anything she had ever anticipated being an issue for him, but now knowing how worried the entire thing made him, Gabby made sure to keep an eye on him. Even though she knew it wasn't necessary, Matt had started keeping the pills out in the kitchen, where both he and Gabby could see them. She wasn't worried in the slightest about him abusing his medication, but, knowing it made him felt better, she didn't question it.
Knocking on the door broke them both out of their thoughts, Gabby looking over to see Dr. Williams walk into the room, a soft smile on his face.
"Hello Matt, it's good to see you again, Gabby." He greeted, stepping further into the room and coming to the stool, sitting down on it across from them. "How are you feeling?" He asked, his tablet in hand.
"Right now, my knee isn't really hurting me."
"And you walked in here, right? No crutches or anything?"
"Yeah, I walked. It was slow, but I was able to get in here, it didn't hurt me too much." Matt answered, his hand involuntarily rubbing over his knee.
"Good, that's good." Dr. Williams mused, turning his attention to the tablet, pulling up Matt's scans. "So, I've looked over your MRI, and everything looks good. It pretty much is the same as last time, but your knee looks perfect. Which is a good thing." He assured his patient, Matt nodding. "No tearing, no cartilage damage, there's nothing I can see that should keep you from returning to work, as long as we can get your pain under control."
"So that's where we're at? The chronic pain.. This could just be something I have to deal with." Matt spoke quietly, Gabby reaching out to place her hand on his thigh, squeezing his leg comfortingly.
"I'm afraid so." Dr. Williams responded, Matt sucking in a deep breath, placing his hand on top of Gabby's. "From what I can tell, we're looking at more long-term pain management." Seeing the look on both Matt's and Gabby's faces, Dr. Williams sighed, sliding his chair closer to them. "I know this isn't what either of you were hoping for, and I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, but for right now, our main goal is to get your pain under control."
"But it's not hurting me too bad today." He spoke, Dr. Williams nodding sadly.
"And that's great, but how was it yesterday? Or the day before?" He asked, Matt's face falling slightly, his reaction giving the doctor all the answer he needed. "I know you weren't wanting to be on a lot of medication, but I'm afraid that if you want to get back to your old life, you'll have to."
"Okay, so what do I need to do?" Matt asked, taking a deep breath. "Do I just continue taking the pills you gave me when I need them?"
Shaking his head, Dr. Williams moved his attention back to Matt's chart. "No, you won't. I'm putting you on a new medication, but this one is something that's scheduled. It isn't a 'take it as you need it' sort of thing. You'll take one every twelve hours."
"For the rest of my life?" He asked with widened eyes.
"For now." Dr. Williams clarified, Matt glancing to Gabby, finding her watching him with a sad smile. "I know it's not what you wanted, I know your concerns about being on medication, but this is the best case scenario, if you want to return to work and be able to function in your job." He continued, Matt sighing before giving his doctor a nod. "Now, if you really do not want to do that, if you're unable, or unwilling, to go on this medication, you don't have to. But I want you to know what you'll be up against. It'll be more of the same as it has been the last few weeks, you being in pain, unable to walk some days, and you most likely won't be able to return to work. I can't force you into this, but, as your doctor, I think this medication is the best option for you. But you have to be okay with it."
Swallowing thickly, Matt returned his attention to Gabby, raising his eyebrows slightly. "What do you think?" He questioned, Gabby releasing a deep breath.
"This is your decision, Matt. Whatever you decide, I'll support you. I'd never want you to do this if you feel like you can't, but I know you. You love work, and I know how hard not being there has been on you." She spoke, rubbing her thumb against his leg. "I'm not worried one bit with you being on this medication. But it's whatever you want to do." She finished, Matt nodding slowly.
"Let's do it." He eventually spoke up, a small smile finding its way to Dr. Williams' face.
"You're sure?"
"I am. If you think it's what best, I want to do it. I want to get back to my life. I need to get back to my life, for my baby." He spoke, gripping Gabby's hand tightly.
"Alright, I'll get your first prescription filled here. I want you taking the medication religiously the next two weeks, and I'm gonna have you come back then, and we'll see how you're feeling. If everything's going well, I can clear you for work. My hope is that you'll be up and more mobile by then."
"Okay." Matt responded, Dr. Williams placing his tablet down before sliding up to his knee.
"This might be uncomfortable, but I just want to double check the stability of your leg." He warned, Matt nodding as Williams began messing with his knee. It was uncomfortable, but nothing too bad as he moved it around. "Alright, everything feels good. I am gonna get you set up with a new brace, it'll give you a little more stability. Technically, at almost four weeks out from your sprain, you should be fine, but with your pain and the weakness you're sometimes still feeling, it'd be better to have the extra support. Especially since the hope is to get you moving around more." He explained, Matt giving him a nod. "I'm gonna show you some exercises I want you doing, too. It'll help strengthen your knee, and hopefully help alleviate some of the pain."
"Sounds good."
"Alright. Let me go get your medication sent in, and I'll be back in a bit with your brace and I'll show you those exercises. You can go ahead and get changed, just hold off putting your pants back on until we can get the brace on you."
"Okay. Thank you, Dr. Williams." Matt spoke, giving his doctor a smile before the man left the room, Matt turning his attention to Gabby. "So, what do you think?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She questioned, standing up from her chair, holding out her hands for Matt to grab onto.
"Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel." He spoke, standing up slowly. Once he was steady, Gabby reached around his back, untying his gown. "I know it'll help me, but I still don't like the idea of being dependent on medication… But I know I don't have much of a choice."
"I think it's all going to be fine. Hopefully this isn't permanent, but I know how much pain you've been in, and if this can help you, I'm all for it." She responded, pulling his gown off, draping it over the bed before handing him his boxers.
"Yeah, I'd like to not be in constant pain. I'm actually looking forward to that." He mused, resting one hand on Gabby's shoulder as he began the slow process of getting dressed. "I'm hesitant about the pills, but I know we've talked about it, I think it'll be okay." He spoke with a small grin, Gabby nodding encouragingly.
"Yes, it will be." She agreed, holding his arms as he got back onto the bed before she held out his t-shirt.
Matt had just finished getting dressed when Dr. Williams came back, brace in hand. It was a bit bigger than the one he had, and definitely looked more impressive. It took about half an hour for Dr. Williams to show Matt had to maneuver his new braces, and walk him through his exercises.
Just after they had gotten his new appointment scheduled, a nurse came in with his medication, Dr. Williams handing it to Dawson.
"Now, remember you need to stay on as strict of a 12 hour schedule with those as you can, so don't start taking them until later tonight. Maybe around 7 or 8? Just some time you'll know you'll be awake in the morning."
"Will do." Matt assured him.
"Alright, well, I'll let you finish getting dressed and you're free to go. Make sure to do those exercises at least once a day, they should help a lot. Do either of you have any questions?"
Matt glanced towards Gabby, seeing her shake her head before he turned back to his doctor. "No, I think we're okay."
"Well, then I will see you in two weeks. I'm glad you're feeling a little better."
After a few more pleasantries, Gabby and Matt were left alone in his room, Gabby handing him his jeans before standing up, waiting for him to be ready. Once fully clothed, they began the long walk to the car, Gabby holding onto his medication as they walked through the hospital.
"How does it feel?" She asked, Matt flashing her a small smile.
"This brace actually feels a lot better than the last one." He responded, his arm resting around her shoulders for extra support. His leg felt tired, there was no way around it, but he wasn't in nearly as much pain as he was expecting.
"Good, I'm glad." She replied, slipping her arm around his waist lightly, putting her hand in his back pocket as they walked. Even though his burns had healed, and it was now just his skin that was still a little tender, she was always mindful of putting too much pressure on his back, so she opted to use his pocket to keep them close instead of risking hurting him. "So, how would you feel about a little impromptu trip to the firehouse?" Gabby questioned as they got outside, Matt glancing towards her quickly.
"What for?"
She shrugged lightly, the couple looking both ways before crossing the street towards the parking lot. "I thought you might want to see everyone, and tell them the good news."
"I'm not sure if good is the right word, I mean we're not even sure I'll be at work in two weeks, it might be longer."
"Maybe, but at least it's something. Up until now, we haven't had any timetable for you being back. We don't have to, but I know everyone would love to see you."
"No, we can go." He responded with a small smile as they slowly got to his truck.
On a normal day, Matt would've been on shift today. This was Gabby's shift off during the week, but Casey should've been there with everyone else. And he did miss them. Aside from Severide, he hadn't seen anyone since before the accident, and Gabby was right, it would be nice to stop in for a visit. Even if he wasn't too excited to meet his temporary replacement.
Gabby had held back when talking about the new Captain, but, at least to him, she was very transparent with her true feelings towards someone. And he could tell she did not like the guy one bit. He didn't know the details, if something had happened or the new Captain had done something to upset her, but Matt didn't press it. He knew if something serious had happened, she would've told him. He figured all it came down to was Gabby being annoyed by the guy who took over his job, but still, he wasn't exactly excited to meet him.
It took no time at all for them to get to the firehouse, Matt parking his truck in the far side of the driveway. He knew it'd be out of the way of the trucks should they get a call, and it was far closer than any of the parking spots he would've been able to find.
Slowly, they made their way into the garage, seeing all the rigs parked in their spots.
"Knee still feeling okay? I can get your crutches." Gabby spoke as they stepped inside, Matt shaking his head.
"I'm alright." He assured her.
"Well, look who's back!" Capp called from the squad table as Matt and Gabby came into view.
"Yeah, I'm back. Just for a visit." Casey spoke, Severide standing up and greeting his friend with a hug.
"How'd the appointment go?" Kelly asked, Matt shrugging.
"It went pretty well, considering."
"What'd they say?"
"Let's get inside, so I don't have to tell this same story five times." Matt spoke with a laugh, Kelly nodding as all of squad headed inside, Kelly staying back and walking the slow pace with Casey and Dawson.
"So Capp isn't out of his mind, you're actually back." Herrmann called from the couch as Matt came in through the door.
"Yeah, well I'm just surprised this place hasn't burned down yet." Casey joked, Herrmann getting up from his seat so Casey could sit down.
"How are you feeling, Captain?" Otis asked, Gabby placing herself over by the table next to Foster.
"I'm alright, Gabby and I just finished at my doctor's appointment."
"Any good news?" Cruz asked hopefully, Matt nodding.
"Well, yeah I think so. My doctor's hoping I'll be back in about two weeks, but we'll have to see."
"That's great news, Casey!" Herrmann spoke excitedly, clasping his shoulder. "It hasn't been the same around here without ya."
"Yeah, I've heard a little about the Captain filling in for me." He spoke, glancing around the room, but he saw no unfamiliar faces.
"Let's just say we can't wait for you to come back." Kidd sighed, earning agreeing nods from around the room.
"I can't wait either. This definitely wasn't part of the plan, but we're getting there."
"Yeah, you falling through that building has really messed things up." Herrmann teased, Matt raising his eyebrows. "We haven't even gotten to properly congratulate your engagement." The older firefighter spoke, Matt's grin widening as cheers rang throughout the room.
Casey glanced over to Gabby, seeing a shy smile resting on her face as she felt heat rise to her cheeks, shaking her head gently back and forth as Matt gave her a wink.
"Although, I guess this is congratulations again." Herrmann teased, Gabby scoffing lightly.
"He's right, Dawson. I mean, how many engagements does this make now?" Capp joked, Gabby's eyes narrowing as Matt laughed.
"It's definitely some type of record, I'm not even sure how many different times he's proposed to her at this point." Severide joined in.
"Ha ha, you all are so funny." Matt responded dryly, pushing himself up from the couch. "Now I remember what I didn't miss so much about being here." He shot lightly, moving to the table.
"You know we're just teasing ya, Casey. We're absolutely thrilled for you guys." Herrmann spoke, Matt's grin widening as he stood beside Gabby.
"Me too." He spoke, leaning down to capture her lips in a quick, heated kiss, ignoring the whistles and calls he heard from around the room, Gabby smiling against him.
"Alright, enough you too." Kelly spoke, Matt pulling away with a smirk. "I see enough of that when I'm at the apartment."
"Well, maybe you should stop coming by so much." Gabby fired back, earning impressed looks and laughs from around the room at Kelly's expense, scrunching her nose up at him.
"That's cold, Dawson. After all the furniture I've moved for you." He responded, shaking his head.
As the bickering around the room continued, Matt leaned down, his lips beside Gabby's ear. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom real quick, you good?" She nodded, flashing him a smile.
"Don't get lost." She warned teasingly, Matt rolling his eyes.
"Yes I know, it's been so long." He joked, placing a soft kiss against her head before pulling away, leaving the commotion of the common room as he headed down the hall.
Stopping halfway to his destination, Matt glanced into the bunk room, seeing it empty as he stepped inside. Walking slowly towards his office, his eyebrows furrowed as he saw the once clean and precise place now a mess. There were papers everywhere, the bed was un-made, as well as coffee cups lining his desk, along with food that most definitely needed to be thrown out. But what bothered him the most was his pictures of Gabby were nowhere in sight. The one that had been on his desk for years was long gone, and the one of them up on his shelf was turned down, Matt's eyes narrowing.
"Can I help you?"
Matt turned around at the voice, seeing a man he didn't recognize walking towards him.
"Oh, you're Casey, right?" He asked, Matt nodding as he held out his hand, the other Captain accepting it eagerly.
"That's me."
"Captain Luke Garcia." He introduced himself, Matt nodding as he dropped his hand. "I've been holding down the ship since your leave."
"It's nice to meet you."
"You too, I've heard great things. How's the leg?" He asked, stepping around Casey and moving into the office, sitting himself down in the chair at the desk. Matt wasn't sure if it was some move to show dominance, or what, but he didn't really understand the smug look on his face.
"It's getting better every day."
"Good, that's good." He spoke. "Do you know when you'll be back?"
"Two weeks." Matt spoke firmly, not liking the comfortability this man seemed to show here. It wasn't common practice, for a temporary replacement to act like he owned the place, and Casey didn't care for it.
"Well, I guess I'll need to enjoy my time here until you get back." He spoke with a smirk, catching Matt's eyes focused on something on his desk. "Did you need something?"
"No, I'm just wondering what you did with my pictures of Gabby?" He questioned, the man's eyebrows furrowing.
"The what?"
"Dawson. My pictures of Dawson. I had the one on my desk." He asked, Garcia soon nodding.
"Oh yeah, that. I put it in the drawer, and just turned down the other one.. Felt a little weird keeping it up while you weren't here, especially me sleeping in here and everything. But don't worry, I kept your photos safe." He spoke with a grin, Matt simply nodding, his expression unreadable. "But I should be congratulating you, landing a woman like Dawson." He continued, Matt's eyebrows raising, his face hard. "I saw the picture of you two, I guess it's from a few years ago. I know she's pregnant now, but…" Garcia cut himself off, blowing out a whistle. "She looks like a good one."
"Excuse me?" Casey asked with a narrowed gaze, the man's comments making his body tense.
"Oh, you have nothing to worry about Captain. I know you've proposed, I'd never try and take what's yours. I'm just saying, she's pretty feisty." He spoke with a grin, Matt swallowing thickly as his neck clenched. He wanted to deck this guy for talking about Gabby like that; like she was some possession, something to be ogled, instead of person. But he knew the last thing he needed was to get in a fight with his replacement.
Silently, Matt walked towards the desk, leaning over and grabbing the turned down photo from the shelf, stepping around the man to pull the other one from the drawer.
"I was just joking, Casey." He spoke with a chuckle, Matt's face rigid as he glared at the man.
"I'm not sure what type of house you're used to working in, but we don't talk about our coworkers like that here. We respect them, show them common decency, we don't treat them like objects." He responded firmly, hearing Garcia laugh as he left the office.
"All in good fun, Captain."
Without another word, Matt left the bunk room in anger and headed for the locker room. Getting to his destination, he put the pictures of Gabby in his locker. He wasn't sure if the man was just trying to get under his skin, or if he really meant what he said about Gabby, but either way, he didn't feel comfortable leaving those pictures in there with Garcia here.
Blowing out a deep breath, Matt ran his hand over the back of his neck, slowly making his way back out into the common room. He saw everyone right where he left them, except now Garcia was here, perched by the counter next to Severide. He shot Casey a small smirk as he entered, Matt not responding as he went straight to Gabby.
"Hey." He spoke, pulling out the chair and sitting beside her.
"Hey, you're back." She spoke with a grin, it immediately falling when she saw the look on his face. "What's wrong?"
Glancing back towards Garcia, Matt found the man watching them, Casey's eyes narrowing before he turned his attention back to Gabby, lowering his voice. "Have you had any problems with Garcia?"
Gabby scoffed lightly, shaking her head. "I mean, he seems like an entitled piece of work, but no. Nothing really." She answered softly, curiosity filling her features.
"He hasn't done anything to you?"
Her eyebrows furrowed, Gabby shaking her head as she saw the anger in his eyes. "No, he hasn't done anything. What's going on, Matt?"
Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, flashing her a small smile.
"It's nothing, I was just wondering." He spoke, pressing a lingering kiss to the side of her head.
Gabby wasn't convinced by his vague explanation, but she knew here wasn't the place to get into it.
Casey, on the other hand, couldn't help from glaring at the man. He believed Gabby when she told him he hadn't done anything, but the way he was talking about her made his blood boil. And gave him all the more incentive to get back to work sooner rather than later. Because the quicker he got back, the quicker he could get this guy out of here.
So, we've got an… interesting new character. That's always fun. I know there was kind of a lot going on in this chapter, both Gabby and Matt are dealing with their own struggles and worries, but they're handling them together, which is good.
I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm so excited to hear what you thought! Thank you for reading!