A/N: Wow…thank you so much for all the reviews! Hmm... Interesting... No one's noticed the rating change. It's gone from "Angst/Drama" to "Angst/Tragedy". And sadly, only a few more chapters left…and it's really a very surprising ending…

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this either

Ratings: PG-13

Genre: Angst/ Drama/Tragedy

Warnings: Yaoi

Main Characters: Sohma Ayame, Sohma Hatori, Sohma Shigure, Sohma Yuki, and Sohma Akito (appearances by Sohma Kureno as well…)

Additional Notes: Well, in case you're curious, "Itamashii no Tamashii" means "Tragic Soul". And again, Akito is male. And now, on with the story!

Sakura Snows

Chapter 7: Itamashii no Tamashii

The dragon strode down the halls, emerald jewels narrowed and piercing as they searched for hide or hair of the dog, the syringe clutched tightly in his hand. He dared not confront Ayame on the matter; he knew the snake would only deny it, or worse, stay silent. Hatori couldn't handle the silence.

It was near midnight, a moonless night, but still Hatori wandered the halls—searching. The night was black, secrets hidden in their hold, and Hatori shivered. He nearly stumbled once, but took no notice. He felt as though he was rushing through a curtain, velvety black and rippling, wrapping tightly around him—too tightly. He was suffocating. He had to know—it was eating away at him and terrifying him all at once.

A bird called in the night—probably an owl—and he swallowed. He was passing close to the open garden on the engawa, the beams holding the snow-laden roof above him, when suddenly in a flourish of ash black and ebony, it landed on the banister a few feet ahead of him. He froze, his eyes wide and staring.

It was a crow, large and soot black—so black it nearly blended with the night around them. The bird cocked it's head curiously, as though it could sense that something beyond it was happening; it's beetle-black eyes were sharp as it stared directly back at the dragon. It hopped forward and Hatori took a step back.

Ayame… No! It's just a suspicion! It's not true! There's no such thing as omens! No such things!

The crow croaked, its ash colored beak snapping lightly as he did. Hatori shivered. "Go away!" he hissed. The bird merely hopped closer. The dragon's eyes met the bird's, his vision went red in a flash, and he turned, running through the nearest door.

There's no such thing… Omens are nothing more than myths! Not a shred of truth!

He leaned against the wall, catching his breath. He wasn't sure how far he'd run, but he knew he was well away from the bird. The way it had looked at him... He shivered and shook his head to clear away the memory. Shigure...I must find Shigure. He knows what's going on and he's the only who'll tell me—I'll make him tell me...

He wandered aimlessly, looking in doors of shadows and rooms of black for any sign of the dog. The sun was bleeding the horizon when he finally found Shigure, alone and curled in a corner at the east end of the compound, his face hid in his arms, shivering. Hatori frowned, his eyes hard and cold, tired of the lies, of the secrets.

"Shigure."

The dog's head snapped up to stare at the emerald jewels glittering in the dying night. "Hatori," he muttered, looking away. But Hatori had seen the long red scratches on the side of the dog's face, the dried blood crusting the sides.

"What happened Shigure?"

"I made him angry," whispered Shigure softly, his fingers lightly touching the marks. "ButI deserved it—I was rude to him."

Hatori shrugged—he didn't really care at the moment. "What happened to Ayame?"

He could see Shigure go silent and seal closed. "He slit his wrists… You were there, Haa-san, you should know." The dog's voice was tainted with accusations. Hatori's eyes narrowed.

"Not that. This—" The dragon held out the syringe, it's surface misted from his grip, the old glass cracked. He could see a flicker go through Shigure's face, some hidden fear, but it was gone as though it had never been. "What is this?"

"A syringe," was the only answer he was offered.

A certain anger was welling Hatori's stomach; his eyes flashed. "Look, I'm sick of this Shigure. I just want to know what's going on—I seem to be the only one who doesn't know. Please, just tell me!"

"I don't know what you want me to say!"

"Why did Akito say this was Ayame's?" growled Hatori, grabbing the dog's kimono-front, pulling him closer so their faces were inches apart.

Shigure looked away, his eyes closed and his face pained. "Haa-san…"

"Tell me!"

"Fine!" Hatori blinked, releasing his hold on the fabric. "It's a syringe…the syringe Aaya used three years ago…"

"For what?" pressed the dragon, shaking the dog's shoulders slightly, "What happened?"

The dog shivered, a tear slipping down from his closed chocolate eyes. "It…it was for gamma butyrolactone," he whispered—Hatori's breathing constricted. "I'm sure you know what that is—you are a doctor." He laughed a little. "Hallucinogen… It's a wonder you didn't notice…"

Dear gods… Hatori swallowed. "How long?"

"A year…but it was bad," muttered Shigure; Hatori flinched. "Nearly everyday he had to have a fix, sometimes two or three. And not once did you notice all the medical books I 'borrowed' from your shelves, not once did you notice how lost he seemed, not once notice how fidgety he would get—how little he was seen that year."

Hatori sat back, holding his head in his hands, eyes wide. "Oh gods…Ayame… Why didn't he tell me?"

"He couldn't," answered Shigure. "He was too afraid of what you'd say. Too afraid too tell you why…he was so scared…terrified."

"Why," whispered the dragon, fearing the answer beyond his limits, "Why did he do that? Why is he doing this? Why?"

"I can't." Hatori hit a brick wall again in the answer Shigure gave. The dog was crying now, the tears glinting in the golden-red light of dawn. "Please, let me at least keep that promise to him… I've told you all I can—he's the only one with the right to tell any more than what I've said… I'm sorry—please, I'm sorry Haa-san!"

"You've never really known me, Tori-san…"

Hatori's eyes were closed as he took a deep breath his lungs burning with betrayal. "I know."

Shigure swallowed, his eyes wet and wide as he watched the dragon get carefully to his feet and leave. Hatori's gait was slow, pained and stiff with knowledge of his infidelity to the one who loved him the deepest—loved? Was that it? Was it possible? He stopped; he was at the door to his room—it seemed so long since he's last entered it but it was only a few hours ago…

Ayame…

He opened the door, slightly surprised to find it empty—there was no sign of Ayame at all. He frowned but stayed, closing the door behind him. He stared out the window, those closed blinds that seemed so appropriate for him—iron bars he deserved—and he made no move to open them to the light.

"Friend… Yes, that's all I am, your patient…your friend..."

His heart constricted painfully; those words had been so bitter, too bitter for the Ayame he knew—but then, it seemed he didn't know his friend at all. Hallucinogen? How could he not have known, not have seen? There must have been signs. Did he truly know so little about his friend? Ayame…gods, I didn't mean to betray you!

/\\\

It was cold—so cold—as he walked, lost in memories and pain, worthlessness. His golden eyes were fogged with tears he refused to let fall any longer, his arms wrapped around himself, his wrists throbbing again. Silver hair fell into his eyes and he made no move to brush it away. He was in the garden, the dead and withered plants somehow comforting to his wasted soul as he wandered.

A shadow, somehow darker than the night itself, passed over him and he glanced up. A bird… No…a crow…his mind said. The bird croaked, proving it was indeed a crow, wherever it had gone. Ayame shivered, swallowing. Bad omen…my bad omen, I'm sure…

He shook his head, continuing as he heard a door slam somewhere—he sighed. The night was grim, dark and foreboding in its feel. The snake coughed faintly, his bare feet dragging in the iced snow, burning though he still felt cold inside. So cold…so cold…

He sighed. It was always cold. It hadn't always been, he knew, but he couldn't truly remember that time—to him, it had always been cold. He stumbled, falling to his knees in the snow; he sat back, holding his knees to his chest, staring out at the dark—so cold…

"Gure! Please—help! Help him! He's killed Tori! Gods, help him!"

His breaths were shorter now, light and fast—thin. He shook his head, desperately trying to shake away the memories of that fevered time, that insanity. Why? Why was he remembering this? Why couldn't they just let him die in peace?

"Tori! Gure, help me! I can't breathe! I can't—help!"

A sob caught in his throat. "Gure…"

He could see Shigure's panicked face, ghostly pale and frightened—worried. It was a torture he could scarce bear. The dog had stayed by him, never leaving him for long. No matter how long he screamed, seeing what wasn't there, Shigure was by his side, holding him, comforting him. So gently, so soothingly…

"Gure…?"

The dog glanced up from the book he'd stopped reading an hour ago when he realized the snake had wakened. "Aaya?" His eyes searched gold, looking for anything that would give a clue to mental state. "What is it?"

He sniffed, his eyes dry, lips chapped and cracked. "Gure…help me…"

Lost, so lost. Shigure sighed, putting the book down and beckoning Ayame to him. The snake went, stumbling to those open arms, weak and weary—he couldn't take much more. "Aaya," whispered the dog into the silver hair. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

Ayame gave no answer as he buried himself deeper in Shigure's kimono-front. "Please, help me Gure… I'm so scared—I see it—every time I close my eyes, I see it! Help me!"

Chocolate eyes were sad, so sad, as he rocked his friend, calming him through the haze of the hallucinations only he could see, the horrors that haunted only him. "Ssh," he said softly. "It'll be all right—I won't let anything happen to you—to Haa-san… It'll be all right." Ayame screamed again, writhing as another attack hit—Shigure only tightened his grip slightly, refusing to let go. "Hold on Aaya—you have to hold on. I know you can! Don't give up! For me, Aaya…please!"

Tears streamed from those wide and terrified, lost eyes. He could only see blood and pain and death—that was all, a voice whispered, that the future had for him. He wanted none of it. Hatori…he could see the dragon, lying there on the floor; he was covered in blood, those dim, empty emerald eyes staring straight ahead, the mouth slack and white-tinged with blue. It was the essence of horror to him—the very meaning of death.

"Oh gods—help me!"

Whirling, surrounded—demons only he could see screamed around him, their ugly talons gleaming in the non-existent blood-red light. They were jeering as they flew at his face, their voices deafening—the only thing that gave any sanity was Shigure's soft voice, those comforting sounds, though he couldn't understand the words. He was so scared, so frightened. He felt lost, alone, but for the dog's voice and the memory of a much sweeter emerald. Claws raked by his ear again and he screamed—

"Stop!" Ayame's hands were clamped over his ears, his skull in a death-grip. He was panting. "Oh gods…Tori-san…"

He could feel the old horror, the old pain—the hallucinations of that dark reality—welling up, forcing their way to his mind and leaving his barriers in shattered pieces on the cold snow. He screamed softly, eyes wide and misted once more. "No…no…no, no, no, no, no…!"

"Hypocrite! You think it isn't like that for all of us? It is! I know what it feels like to fail! I know what it's like to feel utterly worthless—like I don't mean shit—but that doesn't mean you can just give up!"

Yuki's voice, angry and frustrated, rang clearly through his head, pounding into his skull from the inside out. He groaned. Yuki…someone, help me!

"Shigure and Hatori…they need you here!"

His breathing was ragged, getting worse now; he was shaking. They needed him? But…that can't be right… That's not…that's not what Akito-sama said!

"A worthless insect…it fits you, Snake. It truly does. What good do you do? None. Even your own brother hates you. You feed off everyone while doing nothing of significance. You're worthless…"

He was worthless, yes… That was the only truth… Yes, he was, that was all he needed to know. Worthless—he couldn't change, couldn't be anything—no one could depend on him like that… Good, good… Truth at last…

"Please, tell me! I want to help!"

Hatori? The voice was so dim, so tremulous… He was spiraling down in a torrent of voices, of pain… Tori-san…

"Ayame, please; I'm trying to help you, but I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong!"

So accusing… So much worry and anxiety over someone so worthless? Why… He couldn't see anymore, for the voices…

"Ayame…this isn't you."

His world, his reality shook, the firm belief falling from beneath him. It is…it is, it is, it is! …Isn't it?

"Fine. I'll leave for now Ayame, but I want you to tell me what's going on. I'll give you till tomorrow to do it on your own."

Warm eyes, so much concern…so much friendship… It would be wasted…but for what? It was all a rush of color and sound and voices and confusion that the light couldn't pierce. Suddenly, clearer than anything, was the voice of the one he had loved for so long…

"Ayame…I can't live without you… I can't lose you…please… I need you, Ayame…"

Golden eyes cleared slightly and he swallowed. Selfish…he'd been so selfish… Hatori—gods how Hatori must have suffered watching his fall from grace… He couldn't. "Tori-san…"

/\\\

Dark eyes watched, black their only color—the indigo melted and gone now. His lip curled as he watched the snake, the current object of his hate. Pain welled in his chest and he put a thin hand there, pressing it down to ease the burn—he winced. He coughed and it was like fire in his lungs as he bent slightly. He was panting as he slowly lowered himself to the floor—Kureno wasn't there to help him forget the pain, neither was Shigure, but he would manage as he quietly thought of the ways he would commend the rooster when he returned from the deed—the murder.

A dark smile. Yes…bleed my beloved Dragon… Bleed for me, for my sake and only mine… You shall do your part and I love you once more…

/\\\

Silent cat-steps down the hall, a blade in hand; he opened the door, cringing as the hinges creaked slightly, though not enough to wake anyone. His coffee eyes scanned the room, finding it nearly empty—only a futon in the corner and one occupant standing in front of the lightless window, his face in shadows. The dragon didn't move as Kureno's footsteps echoed behind him—he didn't even flinch. He stayed were he was, staring at the closed blinds, at his future. The rooster swallowed, coming closer.

Hatori sighed softly, breath like a soft dying wind on ashes; Kureno hesitated for a moment. Hatori turned, and the rooster froze. Such sadness, such pain in those emerald eyes, those clouded jewels—the familiar face lined and weathered, tired. "Kureno…"

The rooster slammed his eyes shut and shoved the blade in his hand deep into flesh, chills electrifying his spine as he felt warm liquid slip down his wrist. A gasp, choked and pained—wide eyes and confusion. Kureno opened his eyes as Hatori clutched at his shoulder, grabbing the polo shirt in his shaking hands, emerald eyes full of frantic questions then finally, mercifully, peace—the dragon let go, falling to the floor with a muffled thud.

He stood there, staring, for what seemed an eternity, mind blank and numb. Coffee eyes widened as he saw the blood begin to seep from the body. He stepped back, backing away slowly—he dropped the knife and ran, leaving behind death as he escaped the dark room—only shadows were left to claim the body of fallen love and 'never-will-be's.

/\\\

Cold feet trod a death-path as the snake walked the halls of the estate, searching. Golden eyes flitted from door to door, always wondering if that was the door Hatori was behind. Searching, he'd always been searching for the dragon—whether he knew it or not. This time, he would find him. Hatori deserved the truth after all he'd been put through the past week… No, he would finally tell him, finally crumble to the dragon's inevitable answer—but the weight would be gone. He only wished it would take the cold dark with it.

He shivered, twisting in his own skin as he continued down the dark hall. He stopped eventually at the door of a room. The room. Gods, he wanted to tell him—he had to do it now, before his will broke, before his tongue froze to the roof of his mouth. It had to finally be said. It was breaking him as never before.

He pushed open the door glancing around the seemingly empty room, frowning and anxious. "Tori-san?" he said softly, unable to make his once boisterous voice any louder than a shaking whisper. "Tori-san, where are you?"

He took a step forward and yelped, jumping back a little, looking down—his foot was splashed in red. Cold numbness began in his stomach, crawling up his spine, as his gaze followed the red trail to his horror. He swallowed, his throat dry, his golden eyes wide. "No," he whispered so softly. "No..."

The dragon didn't move as Ayame scrambled to his side, slipping on the still-wet blood as he went to the dragon. "Tori-san!" He hurriedly tried to turn the limp body so it was face-up, failing twice as his shaking hands slipped on the cloth. Hatori's face was pale white, his skin cooler, but there was still a flicker left there and Ayame gasped, swallowing back a sob. "Oh gods, Tori! Gods, please, wake up!" The dragon didn't move or react at all, his face remaining blank, his body, limp. Ayame swallowed again—the fear welled up as his hands shook harder. No... No! Not like this! Gods, not like this! Tori-san! Hatori!

"Tori! Please! Don't leave me —I love you!"

/\\\

A/N: Ooh! Ayame has finally said it out loud! Please though, Hatori fans; don't kill me! If you do, you'll never find out what happens! Also, I did take some liberties with the hallucinogen—since I am totally against taking drugs—but hey, creative license, ne? Anyway, so... Here we go again—will Hatori live? Or die in his would-be lover's arms? And Shigure? His secret (or most of it) has finally been revealed! Wow! And yes, before anyone asks; I do so love cliffies! Please, review!

To My Most Wonderful Reviewers:

Pandora de Romanus- Heh. Wow. I'm not a big HP fan...but I have read up to the fifth book. As for slash...maybe. Besides that, yes, this fic is sad. And it's just going to get worse folks! Obviously, Aaya-chan-sama is my favorite character of Furuba as well...and thank you so much for the compliment! Please, keep reading and reviewing!

Astria- Hmm... Akito's not really blackmailing Ayame, per se, he is, however sort of playing the three against one another. And it seems Hatori won't have a chance to intervene...now what will happen! Ooh! Thank you so much! I wasn't sure I was doing such a good job with Akito, but your review certainly made me feel better! Please, keep reading!

Scorpion Lyra-Hehehe...another chapter for you! I hope you liked this one as much as you enjoyed the others!

WHPIAR- Haha! That's funny! Sorry about the cliffies, but as I said before, I love them! Or at least, love leaving them for you guys—it's a good way to get someone to review. Anyway, yes, what a simple fic can do—R.C. McLachlan nearly made me cry a few times—and that's very rare for me. I don't think I need to ask you to read or review, but please do so anyway!

Solo Shadow-Thanks. And sorry if I sounded stuck-up before...it's not exactly that I hate Yuki, he just really grates on my nerves sometimes...and he's not very nice to Aaya-sama! Anyway, thanks! Keep reading and reviewing!

Mist's Child- Heh. Thanks! Yes, Akito is evil. And yes, poor, poor Hatori—I almost felt bad...but I did it anyway.

ShuichisLover- Wow. Here's a tissue for you—and another chapter. Please, keep reading and reviewing!

Child of the Dark Wood- Ooh! Another one! Yay! But I would like cookies... Oh well. And I hope you liked this chapter too!

kodkodkittie- Wow... Amazing? Really? Thanks! And don't worry—I'll keep writing! And thank you so much for the compliment! Keep reading!

acharne- Yes, I suppose that was a little harsh of Aaya...but then, he wasn't really in a good mood. And yes, again—Akito is evil. And here's more angsty/suspensy fic!

Calyco- Hmm... I'm so happy you like this story! And I too wish I could give him a big hug! (I don't care that he's fictional! Everyone deserves a hug!) And I shall keep your plea in mind...

Different Child- Thanks! Well, now you know what Akito meant. Keep reading!

Zukinn Chan- Yay! I have a fan! Ooh...read "Though The Photographs May Fade"—if you like this one, you'll it! And cryptic? I like that! Thanks!

Samus Kaiba- So sorry Miss Neglected. But yes, I address all my reviewers! And please, keep reading!

FireChibi- Oh course you shouldn't have been worried! Who do you think I am? I am the queen of depressing! Heh. Kidding. But yes, that always annoys me to some degree—the happy-go-lucky let's-be-brothers act—so I killed it. Heh. But please, keep reading! And you're welcome!

silverdragon87- Aww... Don't cry! And yes, it is sad. But like I said, I'm remedying the problem of a terrible lack of Aaya-angst! Please, keep reading!

lazy fat kitsune- Yes, I know I'm evil for stopping there—but I must admit, this one's worse. Heh. And it's just for you! Oh, but please sleep... Ja!

dimonyo-anghel- ...Eheh... Yes, well... Sorry about Tori-kun...it had to be done... Please, though, keep reading!

Well, thank you all so much! I love reviews! They make me feel like writing! The more I get, the faster I write! (But I am sorry it took me so long for this chapter... It was a hard one to write!) And have no fear! I will finish this story!

Kurai