A/N: Eek! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Please, I am eternally sorry for the long wait! Now, since many of you have been screaming at me…let's get right to the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, and I'm not making any money off this either
Ratings: PG-13
Genre: Angst/Drama/Tragedy
Warnings: Yaoi
Main Characters: Sohma Ayame, Sohma Hatori, Sohma Shigure, Sohma Yuki, and Sohma Akito (yea, Sohma Kureno's gone…for now…he may come back…but that's doubtful.)
Additional Notes: Well, in case you're curious, "Ai no Jigoku" means either "Love's Hell" or "Love of Hell". And again, Akito is male. And now, on with the story!
Sakura Snows
Chapter 8: Ai no Jigoku
Dark lies and even darker deeds were drawn over the room like a shroud as Akito sat. He sat in the center of the floor, his obsidian eyes trained on the vase in the far corner as a small white bird sipped at the water; his haori had slipped down slightly on his shoulders, his black kimono showing. The velvet darkness was shattered as the door was slammed open, and then shut, as angry feet made their way toward him.
"Akito!"
The youth's lips twitched slightly, having the beginnings of a smirk. But it never spread itself as Shigure grabbed the back of Akito's haori, half-throwing him to his feet, though the patriarch managed to catch himself and stumble to the wall. Shigure's eyes were livid, utter rage in their depths. "How could you?" he nearly screamed. "You nearly killed him!"
Akito straightened, frowning in mock concern. "Who? My beloved Dog, what are you talking about?"
"You could have killed Hatori!" In seconds, Shigure had shoved the younger man against the wall, holding him up by the front of his kimono. "You bastard! You fucking bastard!"
Shigure had never expected Akito to sink so low, had never imagined that the pale boy would ever try to kill one of his own juunishi. However—even knowing the depths the patriarch would sink never could have prepared the dog for what Akito did next: he laughed. It was a whisper-black sound, the rustle of dead leaves at first, slowly growing louder.
"You don't get it, do you?" said Akito, his smirk open now as he clutched at the dog's wrists, held a foot off the floor. "You don't see it…"
The older man growled, his eyes narrowing. "See what?" he hissed. "Why did you do this?"
Akito stopped laughing suddenly and his opal eyes fixed themselves on chocolate, piercing now. "For you—don't you see, my love, I did this for you."
His breath caught, his numb fingers losing their grip and dropping Akito to the floor, where he landed lightly on his feet. "No," whispered Shigure. "No…it's not true…"
"Yes," murmured Akito, leaning against the frozen dog, his fingers twisting in Shigure's kimono fabric. "I did it for you—for you and only you, dear-heart."
Chocolate eyes were wide; the youth wetted his lips, lightly pressing the dog back. "Don't you understand?" he asked, half-leading, half-pushing the dog to the couch in the corner and helping him to sit. "Don't you see? I did it so that Snake would finally see you—it was all for that, my love—for your happiness."
Shigure's mind was chaos; he hardly registered Akito's light kisses, his hand twisting gently in his hair, fingering his kimono tie. Then it snapped into focus. Ayame…Hatori… I did this…it's all my fault…
"Get away from me!" he screeched, shoving at the patriarch. The hands that had been so gentle seconds before turned hard and cruel, tightening in soot hair, forcing Shigure's head down. The eyes the dog had once seen as indigo were now endless black, obsidian shadows on ice-chipped features.
"Again, love?" muttered Akito, voice low and bitter. "You have been insolent far too often lately—and after I have shown you such utmost kindness, as well." Shigure whimpered, half-growling, as the youth's grip tightened, that darkly pale face so close, those lips once more brushing his ear. "I believe I deserve a reward…my beloved."
It hit the dog like ice this time, the knowledge, as Akito forced him to the leather cushions of the couch. No! I can't! Not again—I love Aaya! He was struggling, but it was no use, he knew—Akito would get what he wanted in the end. He always did.
Aaya…
Thin hands slid his kimono from his shoulders and he flinched as cold flesh brushed his. The darkness had collapsed at last, converging now on this. Shigure could feel his own tears on his face but it all seemed so removed, so distant. He didn't deserve Aaya. He never had. Not now… Not when…
"My sweet," breathed the patriarch as he began, kissing the dog beneath him, his kimono undone, bunching around his waist, held on only by a stubborn obi, hiked to his thighs. Shigure couldn't stop it, but he refused to be what Akito wanted.
"Why won't you love me?" asked Akito, his pout reeking of ire and frustration. His black eyes were narrowed to a sharp, disapproving glare. "Love me!"
A slap. The dog's cheek stung but he didn't flinch, the tears slipping from his smoky lashes. The youth hissed softly. "What's wrong pet," he sneered. "You enjoyed this last time." A sob, quiet and resigned to this damnation. "Don't you know? I'm never wrong—the filthy Snake will never see you with the dragon in his eyes. Never. I'm your only hope, your only chance—your salvation. You'd be nothing if it weren't for me. You'd be better off dead without me."
Shigure closed his eyes as he felt Akito's tongue slide over the scratches on his cheek, trailing down to kiss his ear and nibble his earlobe. Those hands slipped down under his kimono and the dog knew then—he was no more than a fool, an idiot, helpless to save anyone, a sentinel to all that had and was to happen. Akito stole his lips once more, going deeper than ever before.
I'm so sorry Aaya… I lied…I've broken my promise… Please, forgive me…
/\\\
"Something is troubling you." Shigure looked up, chocolate meeting indigo as Akito turned to him. "Tell me, Shigure, what is it?" The dog looked away, silent, a red stain on his cheeks as he knelt on the floor. The patriarch frowned at his silence before his eyes narrowed in sudden realization. "The Snake."
Shigure's eyes snapped to Akito's face. "What…?"
"Don't play the idiot," hissed the youth, standing rigid. "You know perfectly well that I can see the way you look at him. I know."
He swallowed, his head held low. "Akito…"
"You love him, don't you?" asked Akito, his voice deadpan. "You love that filthy bastard of a Snake."
"Aaya's not a bastard!" yelled Shigure, half on his feet now, hands clinched to fists, not caring of the consequences of yelling at the 'god'. "He's not filthy either!"
"Is that a yes?"
Shigure froze. Akito's gaze was ice on his skin, those eyes trained on his own. There was no denying it—Akito know. Besides, he reasoned with himself, the pale youth would never hurt Aaya, of that he was sure. "Yes," he murmured. "I love Aaya."
Akito smirked in satisfaction, nodding. "And yet, he doesn't know?"
"He won't. Shigure looked away, his eyes distant. The room seemed too small, somehow. The dog's fists clinched tighter on his kimono. "He doesn't love me… He doesn't know about it…"
"Then tell him."
"I can't," muttered the dog, sighing as the patriarch kneeled next to him on the tatami. "He loves…someone else…"
"Hatori," said Akito simply. "Everyone can see that."
Shigure nodded, chuckling almost bitterly. "Everyone except Hatori…"
The pale youth didn't comment. They stayed that way, silent, for what seemed a small eon before Akito spoke at last, breaking the dull silence. "You're lonely," he said suddenly. "You want him to hold you—you crave his touch."
The red stain grew brighter. Shigure didn't bother to deny Akito as he began to fiddle with his kimono sleeve, watching the silky blue fabric catch the fading light from the drawn blinds. Dark eyes studied him, noticed his nervous movements and the way his eyes never really saw what he was doing.
"You know," said Akito softly, "I could do it for you." Shigure stopped.
"No." It was a quiet whisper, but firm. "I couldn't—I love Aaya… I'm sorry Akito…"
The patriarch leaned against the dog, nuzzling his neck gently. "Why? The Snake will never know… What could it hurt? Tell me, Shigure; why?" Shigure tried to pull back, but Akito had wrapped his thin arms around the dog's neck. "Tell me, who could this hurt? What are you afraid of?"
Shigure swallowed; his skin was cool and Akito's hand on his knee was so warm… And it was true—he was lonely…
But Aaya…Akito's lips were soft as they spoke against his neck. "Come, my pet," he whispered, now sitting in the other man's lap, hands deftly tugging at Shigure's obi and kimono. "Let me love you like you wish he would—let me have you…"
Shigure moaned softly, leaning back as Akito trailed kisses to what was exposed of his chest. "Stop," he murmured. "Oh gods… I can't…Aaya…"
"He'll never know," said the patriarch softly, his voice so silky and alluring, his lips so inviting…tempting… "Let me release you…"
His will collapsed and he took that face in his hands, pressing his lips to Akito's fiercely, hungrily. It was burning; he couldn't take it any longer. Lips parted and tongues met in a dance of horrible lies and dark passion, greed etched in every movement. Shigure didn't think as his instincts—his body—betrayed his very heart, taking control.
It was slow, painstaking, but fierce and burning, so needed, so absolutely desired. Shigure lay there afterwards, as Akito slept next to him, staring at the slowly turning blades of the overhead fan. His mind was blank, mercifully numb.
/\\\
His stomach was twisting, knotting, and writhing in guilt and pain. It hadn't been the release it had been then; it had been agonizing, though he knew he deserved the pain. That's all he deserved—to die in pain and rot in hell for what he'd done, for what he'd caused.
Ayame… Hatori… My fault…
The fan blades were still now, though his eyes never truly saw them, as he lost himself. He could still see Hatori's pale, ghost-white face, the wound that nearly killed him. They had been lucky—the blade had only nicked the artery. It had had been painful, as they had Kana examine the wound and carefully sew it, staunching the bleeding with a practiced hand, her eyes seeing no more tha Sohma Hatori, never knowing that she had once loved him.
Ayame had sat quietly, silent tears streaming down his face, as the dragon had slept on, unconscious and unaware. The snake had refused to leave Hatori's side, too terrified the dragon would never wake up. He was living his worst nightmare…and he feared the end would never change.
He had promised it would never happen—that no one would get hurt… Those golden eyes haunted him now; they had been so frightened, so hurt and betrayed… Why? Why had he not stopped Akito when he had the chance? Why had he told the patriarch about Ayame and Hatori? His feelings for the snake? He'd been such a careless fool and now the ones he loved were paying for it.
This…everything…was his fault…
Tears mingled with shadows as he slowly slipped past his hope. "I'm sorry Aaya…I'm so sorry…"
/\\\
Sounds seemed to echo in his skull, dull and resonating like the tick of an oversized clock. He stared; his hands were limp in his lap, though they itched to pound the wall of this cage, the ground, the very air itself. His face was twisted and the perfect countenance of pain as his broken and blank eyes remained trained on Hatori's still form.
Hatori lay there, unaware of the snake's presence, his eyes closed and lidded. A sickly pallor had claimed his face sometime during the night and no matter how many times Ayame was assured the dragon would be fine, he still couldn't shake the fevered nightmares and insanity from his memory. Hatori would live, they told him—he was only weak from the blood loss—stop worrying.
But he couldn't stop worrying. He took a shaking breath, tentatively reaching out to take that chilled hand in his, so gentle… Tears slipped down his cheeks, evidence to his fear, as he swallowed. "I…I'm so sorry Tori-san… I should never have… Oh gods, please don't leave me!"
The tears were faster now; he was bent over the bed, that hand clutched in his own trembling fingers as the sobs shook him. "Please," he pleaded, his voice soft and breathless, full of tears. "Gods, please! I love you Tori-san! I can't live without you!"
His other hand had found it's way to the dragon's cheek, caressing it so tenderly with such a heartbreaking longing. Gold was faded, hope hardly flickering in its depths. "Tori-san…I love you…you are the only thing worth living for… Please, don't leave me…"
"He won't."
Ayame swallowed, looking up to see a familiar silhouette. "Yuki…"
The rat sighed, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. "He won't leave you, Nii-san," he said quietly. "He doesn't say it, but I think he needs you as much as you need him."
The snake looked back to Hatori, his eyes wondering, hardly daring to hope for the sweetest dream. "I'm…I'm scared otouto," he murmured softly, his eyes half-closed. "So frightened…that he'll leave and I…I would have never told him…he would have never known…"
He couldn't speak as the fears claimed his mind again. It seemed that the oxygen had disappeared from the suddenly cold room and he couldn't breathe, his eyes wide and full of burning tears. Yuki was at his side in moments, lying a comforting his hand on his sibling's shoulder. "Nii-san," he whispered, his eyes worried in spite of himself. "Everything will be all right… Hatori is just weak—he'll be fine! Please, you need to relax; calm down a little!"
Spidery hands covered his open mouth as he gulped in air, shaking. It was nearly ten minutes before Ayame could gain any semblance of himself. Yuki wondered briefly why he suddenly felt so much more anxious as he watched the dragon's prone form. The snake swallowed dryly, sighing a little. "Thank you," he whispered softly, his hand reaching up to rest over the rat's.
A small smile curled the teen's lips and his violet eyes softened. "You're welcome Nii-san." He frowned as he noticed the tired droop of the snake's eyelids, the slump to his shoulders and the dark shadows beneath his eyes. "Now you need to sleep. Go get some rest."
"No!" Ayame's eyes were wide, almost terrified at the very thought of leaving his vigil, if even for a desperately needed sleep. "I can't leave him! Not after all I put him through, after—"
"Nii-san," sighed the rat. "Please, Hatori would rather you sleep than worry yourself sick over him, I'm sure."
The snake chewed his lip, tired eyes darting between his brother and his love. He sighed at last, shakily getting to his feet. "You're right, otouto…"
Yuki smiled a little, trying to reassure Ayame. "Don't worry; I'll get you if he starts to wake up."
The snake nodded. "Thank you… Just get me if there is any change…"
"Of course."
/\\\
Shigure had gone; where to, Akito neither knew nor cared at the moment. The pain in his chest was growing steadily and breathing… It felt as though his throat had constricted, as though his lungs were on fire. The pain of breathing was almost more than he could bear. He moaned softly as he lay there on his bed.
He was utterly alone now—Kureno ad never returned from his deed, though one of the maids had told him the rooster was with Kazuma at the dojo; the patriarch hissed softly, his opal eyes narrowing at the pain throbbing in his chest. Shigure had been so disobedient, unlike before…he had not seemed at all thankful and it had hurt that he had refused to love or be loved.
Black, it was all so black, so bleak. Didn't the Dog see? It was all for him, for his happiness. Gods, what he wouldn't give to see the smile that had been absent for far too long on Shigure's face. He would give anything, even his personal physician, if he could love the Dog and have his feelings returned.
So alone…so very alone… He couldn't bear it, truly. The night had condensed—it was suffocating him. He was frightened now, as the pain grew. "Hatori!" he screamed, panting. "Hatori, to me!"
His calls went almost entirely unanswered, save for an older maid. Her water-like blue eyes were troubled and full of pity, "I am sorry Akito-sama," she said, her voice as hard and cold as stone. "Hatori-san is bedridden still. He has yet to wake."
Akito groaned, weakly dismissing the maid with a flick of his hand. And he was alone again. The very air seemed to smother him. A single tear slipped down from his dark eyes. This was the Snake's fault…all of it, that dirty snake's fault… Or was it Hatori's? Perhaps even Shigure's? He didn't know…
So lost; where was he? What was he?
/\\\
Shafts of light seeped through the windows, crossing his weary face as he stumbled down the hall, towards the guestroom. His feet were numb still, and it seemed the ice had never left them from his walk through the frozen garden the night before. It was frigid, as was his heart, and he couldn't stop the memories.
Hatori had always been the one to help him, always the one who would comfort him, the one to scold him. Shigure had done those things as well, but as a friend—Hatori was different. He was…aloof, perhaps? Was it that distance that had so enamored him? He didn't know. He didn't understand.
All he knew was that he loved Hatori more than anyone.
"Aaya?"
He looked up, his eyes focusing on Shigure's. A weak smile found his lips somehow at the sight of his most trusted friend. "Gure…san…"
The dog shook his head, taking Ayame's hand, his other arm wrapping around the snake's shoulders, and led him to the nearest room. With a practiced patience, Shigure helped his friend to the bed, gently smiling as he helped the snake under the covers, though his eyes were worried and troubled. "Aaya? Are you all right?"
The snake sighed, snuggling into the covers. "Yuki made me go sleep," he said, his voice hardly a whisper. "So tired…"
Shigure smiled fondly, ruffling the silver hair. "Well at least you'll listen to him. "He sighed, fighting now to keep the pain from his face as he fingered the silver strands. Be well Aaya…
"Gure-san?" Gold eyes were narrowed, his mouth in a frown. His hand reached up, gently tracing the long scratches on the dog's pale face. "What happened?"
Shigure swallowed. "Nothing Aaya," he said quietly. "Just a scratch. Now you need to sleep."
"Gure-san," asked the snake, ignoring Shigure's request; his eyes were closed now, though his hand remained against the scratches, the dog's hand holding it there. "Will…will Tori-san ever…ever see me?"
It sent a rod through Shigure's chest—it was almost the same question he wanted to ask the snake: Will you ever see me? He forced a comforting smile, reassuring to a fault. "Yes."
But will you see me?
Ayame smiled, already half asleep. "Really?"
"Yes," repeated the dog faithfully. "He'll see you…he already does Aaya, more than you realize. Now go to sleep."
The other man sighed, a quiet rush of breath. "It's cold Gure-san," he said softly, already drifting away; the dog gently brushed the back of his hand down that porcelain cheek. "Please Gure…hold me…"
Something in his throat, painful and raw, caught at the words. Ayame was shivering though, and even as it tore at his heart, he crawled into the bed, under the covers. Almost immediately, the snake snuggled to his chest, his forehead resting in the crook of his neck. Shigure swallowed, his arms weaving around the other man's waist, pulling him closer.
Shigure's eyes closed and, for a moment, he could pretend—Ayame knew, and they were together, Hatori well and overjoyed for them—the perfect life. But this wasn't his dream, his perfect life; this was hell. His heaven was, in essence, his own private hell.
/\\\
The coughs were tearing, ripping, shredding now. Pain beyond all endurance. He could hardly move, hardly see any longer. He was cold… He was freezing and so afraid. The room was shrinking as he huddled in the corner, against the wall, feeling more alone than he had ever felt. He could see ghost shadows. Lies blanketed his eyes as he watched the phantoms.
No… Where was Shigure? Where was the one—the only one—he loved? The only one who loved him? He didn't want to alone anymore. He'd been born alone—he was so frightened… Not alone…please, not alone!
His breaths were no more than labored gasps now. He was shaking, trembling, his coughs so painful now. A sharp pain went through his chest suddenly—he couldn't breathe; he was choking, his vision shook and all went black only to return so much dimmer.
A terrible dark fear gripped his still-beating heart, the ice-cold tendrils snaking around his withered, blackened soul. His eyes widened. No! I—I don't—I don't want to die alone! No! Gods, not alone!
Somehow, he stumbled weakly to the hall, his vision doubling and fraying to black at the edges. His coughs worsened and he could taste the metallic tang of his own blood. He only made it so far down the dark hall, the light fading before him; he staggered to the frozen, snow-covered garden before his legs collapsed beneath him.
He lie there, his lips stained red as his coughs left flecks of crimson on the cold, unfeeling pristine white of the snow. The twisted garden was cruel, haunting and terrifying. So alone…
No! Shigure…please, help me! Don't let me die alone! Please! Shigure!
His heart was laboring now, the world spinning and blurring to black—there was no sound other than the erratic and slow beat of his own dying heart. It was over. All gone. There was nothing left now—only the hope that Shigure would come for him, whisper his good-byes. He only wanted to see those beautiful eyes, even those crystal tears…
Tears slipped down his cheek as snow caressed half of his face as he lay. Alone…so alone… His lips were numb, his eyes lightless and empty, as he said the name. His voice was pleading, so lost and terrified—one last secret to tell.
"Shigure…I love you…"
/\\\
A/N: Well. Another "I love you" ending. How interesting. It seems that neither Akito nor Shigure was lying about their relationship; at least, not exactly. And see? I didn't kill Hatori! You may all thank me now! (Heh.) Poor Akito…I almost felt sorry for him. And Shigure—will Aaya ever realize the dog's feelings? Keep reading!
Most Woderful Reviewers:
Faith Lee- Heh...thanks. Here's a tissue...and I'm not sure what I can do about the happy ending...you'll just have to keep reading to find out about that. Please, keep reading and reviewing!
moonlight- Thanks! Here's more story for you! I hope you liked it; anyway, please, keep reading and reviewing!
bluemoonwerecow- Interesting sn. And yes, tragedy does normally denote someone kicking the bucket, and this is no exception. Poor Akito. But hey, at least it wasn't Hatori, right?
Mist's Child- Yipe! And yes, Akito was a little twisted in his reasoning. But hey, again, it wasn't Hatori!
personsama- ...okay. Well, I do apologize for not updating sooner. After all, I had to try and read my own longhand writing (not an easy task). But here it is! Hope it was worth the wait.
Werewolf's One- Wow...thank you so much for the absolutely wonderful review! And don't kill me! I didn't kill Hatori, so you can't! Heh...please, keep reviewing.
Cassie- Hmm…such pressure. Well, I'll certainly try! Thanks for the great review and please keep reading!
Zukinn Chan- Don't worry about it; you eventually reviewed, so I'm happy. Yea, I know. Sorry the cliffy was so horrible. But I did feel like making you squirm a bit. Just wondering: would consider Akito's death an improvement? Please, keep reviewing!
Samus Kaiba- Thanks, and sorry about the wait. I hope you liked this new installment! Keep on reading! (And reviewing...)
Child of the Dark Wood- (Looks warily at the cookies) Umm...you didn't poison those, did you? Well...thanks for letting me live. And I didn't kill Tori-san, so get mad at me! Thanks for the review though, and keep 'em coming!
Astria- Oooh! Thank you for such a helpful and generous review! Please, keep reviewing!
kodkodkittie- Well, here's more story! Please enjoy and handle with care. And don't forget to review!
Different Child- Slightly morbid, yes. Someone after my own heart! And sorry if you considered the end of this chapter to be a cliffy...and thanks for the reviews! Please, review!
WhiteDenkou- Yay! Another really nice review! No problem: I love writing so I'll be sure to finish this eventually! Just keep reviewing!
WHPIAR- Yes. There is more to come. And I'm so sorry it took so long...but was the wait worth it? Please, review!
Pandora de Romanus- Yes, I know I'm mean. Heh. And look, he didn't die! Well, please, keep reading and reviewing!
Yukako- Heh. Here's a bone! Fetch! Kidding...and here's a nice helping of nourishment for you. Now, I have one request: finish SW and keep reviewing!
silverdragon87- It seemed that way, didn't it? Well, now you know...and please, keep reviewing!
Malachite Iris- Heh, well here's another roll for you. Haha...thank you for such a wonderful compliment! Keep on reviewing!
Solo Shadow- Yes, someone sees it my way. And yes! Ayame-chan-sama does rock! And here's the update I promised! Now just review!
dimonyo-anghel- Yes, stupid selfish Akito, and yes poor Ayame and Hatori. Yay! I shall wait for you review then.
Scorpion Lyra- What? No! Write it in English! I wanna read it! No fair! (pouts) But yes, so sorry for the cliffy and the long wait. And since I was nice and didn't kill Hatori, you have to review!
FireChibi- Hatori didn't die, so relax. And you're right, I just couldn't take Tori-san away from dearest Aaya. Heh... Hurry up and write that story! I'm waiting... (And thanks for the review!)
Calyco- Kureno fans? I never thought of that... To tell the truth, I don't know much about Kureno...thanks for the info on him though! And sure, you can try to tell me what to do, but it won't work. I had the ending planned since the end of chapter four. Nice try though. And please, review!
lazy fat kitsune- Heh. Sorry it took so long! But here's the new update. And thanks for the wonderful review! Keep it up!
Well, that's it for now. It might be a little bit before you see the next chapter, but please, try and be patient. I promise to finish the story! Now, I must go...I hope you've enjoyed this newest installment of Sakura Snows. Now, for all you who aren't going to review, please...give it a try! I won't bite!
Kurai