Well… here we go.
Thank you all for going along on this journey with me. I have more to say at the end, but for now all I'm going to say is that I hope you enjoy.
Chapter Fifty Nine
Matt followed along beside the nurse as they walked down the hallway, Casey barely able to think as he was flooded with dozens of conflicting emotions. He wasn't sure he'd ever been this scared in his life; he was absolutely terrified at the thought of losing Gabby, knowing that right now her life was hanging in the balance. But then he thought of what he was going to go do, how he was walking right now to go see his daughter; his beautiful, perfect little girl, and he couldn't help but feel excited. He was eager to see her, to be with her, and his chest filled with warmth at the thought of being with her again.
But that happiness would quickly come crashing back down whenever his thoughts shifted back to Gabby. She was fighting for her life, there was no reason for him to be happy. He shouldn't be celebrating while she was bleeding out in this hospital, and those conflicting emotions caused Matt to be overwhelmed with a tremendous amount of guilt every time he let himself be happy for even a moment.
It was like a constant tug of war with his head and his heart, and he hated it. He absolutely hated it. This should be the best thing that's ever happened to him, but he can hardly go a second without thinking about what's happening to Gabby right this moment. She should be here, they should be with their daughter. All three of them, together.
But it was just him. Right now, all their daughter had was him.
And Matt could only hope it wouldn't be that way permanently.
"Casey! How are they?"
Matt looked up at the voice, not even realizing they'd gotten to the nurses station on this floor, the spacious waiting room filled with firefighters, Matt's glassy eyes moving around seeing all of his friends, his eyes stopping when he got to Antonio and Ramon.
The second they saw his face, they knew something had happened. The man in front of them seemed lost. He looked absolutely heartbroken, and that alone made them all fear the worst.
"How are they?" Boden asked again, Casey snapping out of his haze, clearing his throat before responding.
"Uh- the baby, she's good. She's okay. She's little, but she's strong... Sh-she should be fine." His voice was hoarse, Casey barely registering the words he was saying.
"And Gabby?" Antonio spoke up, unable to mask the fear in his voice.
"She, uh… Everything was fine. She was doing great, and then suddenly she wasn't." He answered, fresh tears filling his eyes, Antonio doing what he could to remain composed. "Her aneurysm ruptured… Dr. Tanner's trying to fix it, but she- she lost consciousness before I left… I don't know what's happening."
His words were short and choppy, no one knowing what to say. There wasn't anything to say that could make this nightmare any better.
"I… I need to go. I have to go be with my daughter." Casey spoke up, turning away from them before they could say anything else, his tears spilling over as he was led to the NICU, the short walk seemingly taking forever. But soon enough, they got there, Matt's eyes bouncing around his new surroundings.
"Hey Jonah, what do you need?" One of the nurses asked as they walked in, the nurse, Jonah, patting Matt's shoulder.
"We're looking for little baby Casey, this here is her father."
The nurse looked to Matt, offering him a soft smile as she stepped out from behind the desk. If she noticed his obviously devastated demeanor, she didn't act like it, the woman nodding to the male nurse before gently grabbing Casey's arm.
"I can show you to her, we just got her all situated. She's such a beautiful little girl." She spoke, Matt smiling softly, nodding in agreement.
"Yeah, she is… She looks just like her mom." He responded quietly, the nurse flashing him a gentle smile.
"She's a little fighter, too. I know she was premature, but she's definitely one strong girl." The unnamed nurse spoke, leading Casey through the rows of children, most surrounded by at least one parent, before they got to one of the ones towards the end, Matt's body filling with warmth the second he saw his daughter.
"She gets that from her Momma, too." He whispered, coming to stand beside her bed. Most children in here with confined to what he could only describe as boxes, but his girl was merely in a bed. She was attached to a bunch of different wires and monitors, but he could only take it as a good sign that she was in a normal bed. "Can I touch her?"
"Of course, yeah. Just be careful of the wires. Here soon you can hold her, we just need to let her spend some time with the monitors attached first but I'll come back and let you know when you can hold her."
"Thank you." He murmured, not taking his eyes off his daughter as he looked at her. She was tiny, smaller than she looked moments ago resting on Gabby's chest, but from the tight grip she had around his large finger, she was strong. Matt's eyes moved over her little body, not entirely sure how a person could be that small. He watched as her chest moved up and down quickly while she breathed, the wires attached to her skin somewhat frightening. But from what he could tell, she was doing okay. And no one here seemed to be concerned about her, which he found oddly comforting.
"Hey little girl." He whispered, placing his other hand on top of her covered head. "It's me, it's your Daddy." He spoke quietly, tapping his thumb against her small hand. "It's the guy who played all those fun games with you these last few months, you know, the ones Mommy didn't like. And the guy who probably woke you up a few times when I'd talk to you in the mornings… I have a feeling I won't be able to do that much anymore, your Momma would kill me if I woke you up early in the morning just to talk to you." He murmured, a soft smile falling onto his face.
"I know you already got to spend some time with her, but your mom is the most incredible person in the world, you are so lucky to have her… I'm so lucky to have her. Seeing you two together, I can't even describe it. It made me love the both of you more than I already did, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life getting to see that… I hope I get to see that."
Casey watched as she moved around slowly in her sleep, his finger following the movements of her hand as she held onto him, refusing to let go.
Matt stayed glued to her side, not focusing on anything other than his daughter as she laid there and slept. He was completely mesmerized by her.
This was his daughter. This was his and Gabby's little girl. The child he's always wanted, with the woman he's always wanted, and as he stood there watching her, he made a promise to himself that he'd do everything in his power to protect her. That he'd do whatever he could to protect the two most important people in his life, for as long as possible.
"Mr. Casey?"
Matt looked up to see the nurse from earlier back by his side, Casey unsure of how much time had actually passed since he got here.
"Would you like to hold your daughter now?" She asked, Matt nodding eagerly. With a soft smile, the nurse nodded at him, signaling him to go towards one of the rocking chairs against the back wall. While he did that, she pulled the bed over to him, Matt watching as the monitors rolled with it before she came to a stop, positioning it close enough so that he could hold his daughter without messing with the wires. "Now, because of all the monitors, I'm gonna hand her to you, but once she gets situated it's fine. If one of the wires comes off, that's alright. Just let one of us know." She told him, Matt nodding as he positioned himself, watching as this nurse slowly lifted his daughter from her bed.
He knew she was more than capable, but Matt couldn't help but feel anxious seeing someone else holding his daughter. He just wanted her in his arms, where he knew he could keep her safe. As helpless as he felt with Gabby right now, he knew there wasn't anything he could do for his wife, but he could be here for their daughter, and protect her. In fact him being here making sure their little girl was safe, he knew that's exactly where Gabby would want him to be.
Slowly, the nurse placed her into his waiting arms, Matt grinning as his daughter settled herself into him, continuing her sleep like nothing had happened. "Wow, she's a heavy sleeper." The nurse commented, Matt smiling as he kept his eyes focused on the girl in his arms.
"Yeah… she really is just like her mom."
If the nurse had questions about his daughter's mother, she didn't voice them. Although if hospitals were anything like the firehouse, he wouldn't be surprised if this woman knew the situation already, or at least some of it.
"I'm sure she is." She replied softly before stepping away, wanting to give the new father some space.
Casey was unable to take his eyes off his daughter as he sat there rocking her, Matt feeling a sense of security and warmth that he was surprised to feel under the circumstances. It was like she kept him grounded, she was keeping him calm through one of the worst moments of his life. All the unknowns with Gabby, if not for this little girl he'd be falling apart. And although he knew that time would come if the worst did happen, right now he refused to focus on that. Gabby was in the best hands possible, all he could do was be here for their daughter, and provide her with as much comfort as she was giving him.
"God, you really are exactly like your Momma." He breathed out, smiling as she gripped his finger, holding onto it as tight as her little body would allow. Her skin was maybe a few shades lighter than Gabby's, but you could definitely tell this kid was a Dawson. From the numerous baby pictures he'd seen over the years, she looked exactly like Gabby. She was like a carbon copy, and Matt absolutely loved it.
And he couldn't wait for Gabby to get the chance to really meet her. He couldn't wait to watch them bond, and for her to be the most amazing mother to their daughter. He couldn't wait to experience this little life with the love of his life. And with their little girl snuggled into his arms, in a moment of clarity he believed that everything would be okay. That after all they'd been through to get to this point, Gabby would be fine. His daughter gave him that hope, and it's what he was holding onto until he was told any different.
Matt was pulled from his thoughts when he felt her starting to shift around in his arms, seeing her face scrunch up before a loud cry escaped her lips, Matt keeping his rocking steady. "Hey, we were doing so well." He responded, gently bouncing her in his arms, trying to calm her down. He wasn't exactly sure what to do, her cries getting louder, surely disrupting the other sleeping babies. Matt began rubbing his finger over her cheek, his daughter's head beginning to move back and forth, her mouth open.
"I think she's hungry." Matt looked up to see another nurse standing in front of him, holding a small bottle in her hands.,
"Oh, yeah… Right." He responded, the nurse flashing him a soft smile.
"Do you want to feed her?" She asked, Matt nodding immediately, the woman holding out the bottle. Matt grabbed ahold of it, slowly moving it towards her mouth, his daughter fighting against the bottle.
"Okay, you're gonna have to work with me here." He spoke, rubbing her cheek gently. "I know we're both new at this, but I'm gonna need your help."
Soon enough she took the bottle, eagerly drinking the formula as she quieted down.
"First time dad, huh?" The nurse asked, Matt glancing up to her before looking back to his feeding baby.
"First time with a newborn." He responded, the woman nodding.
"Well, you're a natural." She told him, Matt flashing her an appreciative smile before she walked away, leaving the dad to feed his daughter.
As he watched his little girl, he couldn't ignore the heavy feeling that had settled in his gut, knowing Gabby should be here for this. Knowing that his girl shouldn't even be using this bottle, that Gabby should be here and they could be experiencing this together. They had talked about it a few times, Gabby mentioning more than once how excited she was to breastfeed their girl, how she was eager to be able to bond with their daughter in that way. In a perfect world, Matt wouldn't be the one feeding her right now. No matter how lucky he felt to be able to experience this with her, he knew it shouldn't have been him. It should've been Gabby. But all he can do now is hope she'll still get the chance.
"That's good, huh?" He spoke softly.
At the sound of his voice, his daughter opened her eyes, Matt's gaze widening in wonder as he saw her bright blue eyes shining back on him. In all the time he'd spent with her, he hadn't really got a look at her eyes, but they were unmistakable. She had his eyes. The rest of her was completely Gabby, but her eyes, that was all him, the sight bringing a wide smile to his face.
"You're absolutely perfect… my little angel." He murmured, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on her forehead as she happily ate, her eyes soon closing once more, Matt letting himself relax into the seat.
"Hey man." Casey looked over, surprised to see Kelly, still clad in all his gear, walking towards him, looking the same aside from the mask over his mouth.
"How'd you get in here?" Matt asked, watching as Severide looked down at his daughter, unable to peel his eyes off of her.
"I just kind of came in. I think it's the gear, people usually don't ask questions. One of the nurses gave me this mask, but no one really said anything." He answered, his gaze tracing over the baby in Casey's arms. "She's so small." He breathed out, partly in wonder and partly in disbelief, Matt nodding as he looked back at his baby.
"She is, but she's strong." He replied, Kelly finally looking away from the baby, back towards his friend.
"Well, with a mother like Dawson, how could she not be?" Severide replied, Matt biting down on the inside of his cheek as he nodded. "...How are you doing?"
Matt softly shrugged in response to the question, doing what he could to not disturb his daughter, seeing her slowly starting to doze off even though she hadn't finished her bottle. "I'm as okay as I can be, but I'm trying not to focus on it." He admitted, pressing another kiss to his daughter's head, breathing her in.
Severide nodded sadly, watching as Matt slowly removed the bottle from the baby's mouth now that she had completely fallen asleep, the little girl instinctively curling into Matt's arms.
"So… I guess you guys didn't get the chance to pick a name yet." Severide spoke up.
"Her name is Sofia." Matt responded without hesitation, Kelly's eyebrows raising.
"I thought you all hadn't decided what-"
"That was Gabby's choice… Sofia." Casey cut in, Kelly drawing in a deep breath as Matt met his gaze. "Gabby picked it, and I think it's perfect."
"It's a beautiful name, she did a good job." Kelly responded with a soft smile, Matt nodding.
"...Sofia Elizabeth Casey."
"What?" Kelly's eyes widened in surprise when he heard the middle name, his heart somehow filling with pride while also feeling heavy with grief all at the same time.
"Gabby wanted her middle name to be Elizabeth… for Shay."
Kelly nodded, blinking back the tears forming in his eyes as his gaze locked on the sleeping baby.
"Shay would've loved that." Kelly responded, clearing the emotion from his throat. "And I- I know she's looking out for Gabby right now, Shay's too stubborn to let anything happen to Dawson." Kelly spoke, earning a watery chuckle from Casey, the Captain feeling fresh tears fill his eyes.
"Yeah, she is…" He trailed off, shaking his head as he tried to return his focus to his daughter, that being the only thing keeping him together.
"She's gonna be okay, man." Kelly spoke softly. "She's gonna pull through, then she's gonna be the absolute best mother to your girl… to Sofia." A lone tear slid down Matt's cheek, Casey nodding in agreement. "This is Dawson we're talking about, she'll be fine."
"Yeah." He whispered, Severide cautiously walking towards him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, squeezing tightly.
"I'm gonna get out of here, give you some time with your girl… She's beautiful, Casey. You and Dawson did good." Kelly spoke lightly, Matt laughing softly.
"We did." He agreed, flashing Severide a thankful smile before the man walked away, heading back towards the waiting room.
It only took him a couple minutes to get back to everyone, Kelly having ditched the mask the second he was out of the NICU, all eyes landing on him as he came into view.
"How is he doing?" Boden asked first, Kelly coming to a stop in front of the large group.
"He's...he's holding up surprisingly well." Severide told them, earning a few nods from everyone. "I can't really tell, I don't think he's focused on anything other than that baby right now. I don't know if everything's sunk in for him yet."
"That's not surprising." Herrmann cut in. "He's a dad now, despite everything else that little girl comes first." He elaborated, Boden nodding in agreement.
"Has there been any update on Dawson?" Severide asked, finding Antonio's gaze, seeing him sadly shake his head in response.
"Nothing so far." Kidd answered verbally, Kelly nodding.
"How's the kid?" Herrmann questioned, everyone seeing the soft smile form across Kelly's face.
"She's great. She looks exactly like Dawson." He spoke, his words bringing smiles to the faces of his coworkers. "She's really small, she was hooked up to a bunch of machines, but Casey didn't say anything was wrong, I'm guessing it's just cause she came early. But he was feeding her while I was in there, everything seemed okay."
"That's great. Did he say anything about how long the baby will be in the NICU?"
"No, he didn't. I didn't really ask." He replied.
Antonio stood up from his seat, turning to look at his dad. "I'm gonna go see him, and see how the baby's doing."
"I'll come with you." Ramon replied, pushing himself up from the uncomfortable chair. "I want to meet my granddaughter."
"Let us know how she's doing." Boden spoke, Antonio giving him a firm nod.
"We will."
51 watched on as Antonio and Ramon disappeared down the hallway, following the signs towards the NICU, everyone once again settling into their seats, knowing, unless for a call, they'd be here for awhile.
Kelly stayed rooted in his spot, his eyes bouncing around the room before he landed on Jemma, seeing the woman sitting alarmingly still in her seat at the back of the room. Blowing out a heavy breath, Kelly walked towards her, his steps slowing as he got closer. When she still hadn't registered his presence, he sat down in the chair beside her, the movement snapping her from her thoughts, Jemma blinking quickly as she turned to look at him.
"Hey." She nearly whispered, her voice raspy as Kelly caught a glimpse of the fresh tears sitting in her eyes, clearly desperate to fall.
"Hey." He repeated, Jemma's tongue running over her bottom lip as she looked forward once more, clenching her hands together in her lap.
"So the baby's okay?" She questioned, Kelly nodding softly.
"As far as I can tell… You could've come with me, met your goddaughter."
Severide saw her body tense at his words, before she shrugged softly. "I didn't want to miss any updates on Gabby, and plus I don't want to overcrowd Matt right now… He needs to be with his family, I'll have plenty of time with that little girl later." She mused quietly, refusing to meet his eyes.
"You are family, Jemma." He spoke, watching as she took a deep breath. "You're as much family as the rest of us, probably even a little more when it comes to Dawson…" He continued, seeing her bite down on her bottom lip roughly, slowly turning to look at him.
"She's gotta be okay, Kelly." Jemma murmured, worry evident in her voice. Severide reached for her leg, giving her knee a comforting squeeze.
"She will be." He replied firmly, the paramedic sucking in a deep breath before nodding. "...But if she's not, we're gonna have to do everything we can for that little girl." Jemma bit down on the inside of her cheek harshly, Kelly watching as a lone tear slid down her cheek. "And for Casey… If they lose her, he's going to be an absolute wreck. I've seen what's happened to him without Dawson before, and it wasn't good. But this? This will destroy him. And, as her godparents, we've gotta make sure we're there for that baby, and for him." Severide spoke softly, Jemma nodding slowly. "We've gotta make sure that little girl never forgets just how much her mom loved her."
Jemma released a heavy breath, nodding slowly as she faced forward once more, blinking back the tears sitting in her eyes. "Yeah… But hopefully it doesn't come to that."
Her voice was barely audible, but Kelly heard it, the firefighter giving her leg another squeeze before he looked forward as well, both of them seeing when Gabby's doctor appeared around the corner. They both caught the look of surprise that covered her face, seeing a room full of first responders, but that look quickly faded, morphing into one of what Severide could only describe as pity.
"I guess the surgery's over…" Severide breathed out, Dr. Tanner flashing the few of them who had looked up sympathetic smiles before continuing her path to what Kelly assumed to be the NICU.
"Yeah…" Jemma's voice cracked, the paramedic instinctively reaching for Kelly's hand and giving it a squeeze, her body filling with dread knowing that whatever happened to Gabby, it would be a little while longer before they found out.
Matt's eyes were focused on his sleeping daughter as he rocked her in the chair, his little girl just now having quietened down again. Moments after Severide left, Sofia had woken up in tears, clearly unhappy about something. With a little help from the nurses, he'd managed to get her burped as well as change her diaper for the first time. It was something he'd done maybe once or twice before in his life, and he definitely wasn't a natural at that part of fatherhood. But he knew it was something he'd get the hang of, and with a little help from Maddy, one of the nurses here, he'd managed to get her changed and settled back down.
It was almost amusing to him, how with one little thing his daughter would go from screaming bloody murder to being perfectly content resting in her dad's arms. It was something he felt grateful to experience, and he couldn't wait until Gabby was here, able to enjoy it with him.
Glancing up, he caught sight of two unexpected faces, Matt sucking in a sharp breath when he saw Antonio and Ramon walking up to the nurses desk, Casey seeing Maddy standing there.
Across the room, Antonio approached the desk with his father close behind him, the nurse looking up when she registered his presence.
"Hi, can I help you?"
"Yeah, um, we're here looking for my niece. My brother in-law is here with her."
"What's the name?"
"Casey. Matt Casey, is her dad." Antonio saw the nurse's face soften, and in that moment he realized she knew at least some of the story surrounding the birth of his niece.
"Ah yes, little baby Casey. She's such a sweet little girl." She responded, her eyes flickering across the room towards Matt, seeing him watching them. "Normally, we don't allow many visitors, but I've heard a little bit about the situation, with her mom- your sister." She clarified, Antonio nodding sadly. "If you can put those gowns on, I can let you go and visit with her."
"Thank you." Antonio replied graciously, turning to follow the nurse towards the gowns, catching a glimpse of Matt from across the large room, able to see the devastated look in his eyes from here.
Within a few moments, they got over to him, Matt holding his breath as they got closer. "Any update on Gabby?"
Antonio and Ramon both shook their heads sadly, Casey's face falling slightly before he nodded, looking back down at his daughter.
"Well, I guess no news is good news." Matt murmured, his eyes tracing over his little girl's face.
"She's beautiful, Casey." Antonio spoke up, his words bringing a soft smile to the firefighter's face.
"She is, isn't she? She's perfect."
"She looks like Gabriela did." Ramon added, earning a nod from Matt in agreement. "Can I… Can I hold her?" Ramon questioned softly, Matt reluctantly nodding as he slowly stood up from the chair, nodding at his father in-law to take a seat. It wasn't that he didn't trust Ramon, he did, but he just didn't want to not be holding her. He felt like all he could do right now was keep her safe, and the only way for him to do that was to keep her in his arms. But he knew that wasn't practical; there were a lot of people who were going to want their chance with her, and he couldn't deny them that. Especially not her own grandfather.
Once Ramon was situated, Matt carefully handed her over, biting down on his lip as he willed her to stay asleep, the new father releasing a grateful breath when Sofia settled into her grandfather's arms without waking.
"Just be careful, with all the wires." Matt spoke softly, Ramon nodding as he kept his eyes on her, Matt taking a few steps back, landing by Antonio's side as they both watched their father with little Sofia.
"How is she doing?" Antonio asked, clasping Matt's shoulder.
"She's doing great. For as little as she is, she doesn't really have any developmental issues. Dr. Tanner had given Gabby that medicine while we were in the hospital a few weeks back, to help develop her lungs, so that's helped a lot. But she's doing okay. Aside from her just being a little small, she's great. She's loud, but she's perfect." Matt spoke, Antonio chuckling softly by his side. "And, uh... her name is Sofia."
Antonio's grin widened as he glanced to Matt, Casey nodding with a smile before the detective looked back towards the baby.
"She looks like a Sofia."
"It's a beautiful name." Ramon added, still staring at his granddaughter.
"Gabby chose it. Sofia Elizabeth Casey, is her full name."
"It's perfect, man." Antonio spoke, giving his shoulder another squeeze before dropping his hand. "Do you know how long Sofia has to be here?"
"No, not yet. Even though she's doing well, she's still premature, so I'm not sure what they want to do… But she's doing good, I've already fed her once, changed her diaper… but mostly she just sleeps. It's been incredible though, I can't believe she's finally here." Matt breathed out softly, unable to take his eyes off his daughter. "Like, I knew she was always a person, obviously, but something about her actually being here… it's so real now. My daughter's here, and it's just- it's crazy."
"It only gets crazier, man." Antonio added, shaking his head. "There's so many things you'll get to experience with her, it's a little insane raising a kid. But you were always meant to be a dad, you're gonna be great."
"Yeah, I hope so… Hopefully I won't be doing it alone."
The mood fell somber in the room, Casey shaking his head as his hand came up to cover his mouth. He'd done what he could this entire time to not think about the very real possibility that he would be a single dad, but it was getting more and more difficult as the day wore on. He just needed to know; whatever it was, he needed to know whether Gabby was still alive or not. Whether his entire world had come crashing down or not. He needed to know, and all this waiting was killing him.
"She should be here for this…" Matt murmured, Antonio's eyes clouding with fresh tears, Ramon looking up to see a glimpse of the usually strong Captain beginning to crack. "This is our girl, and Gabby's not here. She's missed all these firsts already, she hasn't been here to experience them. She should be here, she deserves to be here. She's done nothing but protect and care for Sofia since we found out about her, and now she can't even be here to experience it all now that she's born... It's not fair. None of this is fair."
Antonio grabbed ahold of his shoulder once more, squeezing it tightly as he tried to give a little bit of comfort to the man beside him, to his brother.
"I know it's not." Antonio murmured, shaking his head before bringing Matt in for a hug. Casey was reluctant at first, but he soon reciprocated, wrapping his arms around his brother, feeling Antonio patting his back. "None of this is fair. But my sister knew the risks." More tears filled Matt's eyes as the men embraced. "She knew what might happen, but she did it anyway… for Sofia. She wanted that little girl to have the best life possible, even if that meant something happens to her. None of it's fair, but if something does happen to Gabby, it's up to you to make sure Sofia gets the life Gabby wanted for her. We can't control what happens to my sister, but we can control how we handle it." He told him, Matt nodding as they separated, a few tears falling down the firefighter's face. "Sofia… she's your priority now. That's what Gabby wanted. You're her father, you have to keep on going, for her. And hopefully Gabby will be there right beside you, and Sofia won't have to grow up without her mom."
Matt nodded, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he looked back to his daughter, drawing in a deep breath. "I… I don't know if I'm enough for her, Antonio."
"You are." He responded without hesitation. "You are, because you have to be." Matt clenched his jaw tightly, giving a slow nod. "Gabby believed you were." Matt's eyes snapped towards his brother, seeing a gentle smile resting over Antonio's face. "Gabby knows you're more than enough for your daughter. You need to believe that, too."
Breathing deeply, Matt gave Antonio one last nod before moving back towards his daughter, needing to be near her again. She was able to keep him calm, she was able to ground him in a way that no one else, besides Gabby, had been able to do before.
"Ramon, can I have her back?" Matt asked, the eldest Dawson nodding before Casey took her from his arms, Matt immediately relaxing a bit when he held onto her, Sofia curling into her dad's chest. Carefully, he returned to his seat, rocking her slowly as he kept his eyes on her, feeling the tension slowly leaving his body.
"Matt."
The tension that had just left returned the instant he heard that familiar voice, all three men looking over to see Dr. Tanner walking towards them, an unreadable expression on her face. Stoically, he stayed in his seat, keeping up the rhythmic rocking in the chair as he kept eye contact with Gabby's doctor, Antonio and Ramon staying close by.
She came to a stop a few feet away from Casey, Matt unable to get a read on her, his heart dropping into his stomach as he tried to prepare himself for the worst.
"Please…" His voice came out so soft, they barely heard it, his eyes filling with tears. "Please tell me she's-"
"She's alive."
It was like a crushing weight had been lifted off the room, Matt releasing a heavy, relieved sob the second the words hit his ears.
"Oh God." He choked out, tears beginning to fall down his skin as he looked to Sofia.
"She made it, Matt. She's okay." Dr. Tanner repeated, the doctor glancing to see who she recognized as Antonio and who she could only assume to be Gabby's father embracing. The doctor caught sight of a few families around them watching on as Matt broke down, the man clearly trying to control himself as he digested the news that his wife was alive.
"She's okay." Matt whispered shakily, blinking furiously to try and clear his vision, unable to look away from Sofia, who was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the fact that her life hadn't just been altered forever. "Your Momma's okay." He pressed a soft kiss to her head, Sofia stirring for a moment before falling back into her slumber, Matt continuing to rock her gently.
"So she's gonna be fine?" Ramon asked, Dr. Tanner glancing towards him.
"She should make a full recovery." Dr. Tanner replied, Matt finally meeting her eyes again, the doctor seeing his remaining tears. "We got the bleeding under control, she was bleeding a lot but all that's fixed. We did have to do two blood transfusions, she lost a lot of blood… But she's okay now, she's fine."
"Where is she?" Matt questioned, clearing the emotion from his throat. "Can I see her?"
"She's in recovery right now, she'll be there for a few more hours but then as long as she's stable, she'll be taken back to her room. When she gets back there, you can go be with her."
"Is she awake? I don't want her to be alone, I don't-"
"She's still sedated." Dr. Tanner spoke, easing his worries. "She hasn't woken up, I don't suspect her to wake up for at least a few more hours. And when she does, she'll most likely be out of it. She probably won't really remember much until tomorrow morning. Her body's been through a lot, I imagine most of the night she'll be asleep, which is what we want because right now we only have her on a very light pain medication."
"Why?" Antonio cut in, Dr. Tanner glancing to Matt.
"Because I wasn't sure what Gabby's plans were for breastfeeding." She replied, Antonio and Ramon glancing towards Matt.
"She wants to." He answered, Dr. Tanner nodding. "I'm not sure if she can, but she really wants to try."
"As long as she can handle it, there's no medical reason she can't." She assured him. "There are pain medications that are okay for her to be on while breastfeeding, it's just something I'll need to discuss with Gabby before I can prescribe her anything stronger. She'll need to be careful. Her body's been through a lot, and the first few days especially, she'll need to take it easy. I can talk specifics with her once she's awake." Dr. Tanner added, knowing there was no reason to go into detail when Gabby wasn't here to hear it. "But I'm fine with her trying, your baby might need to supplement with formula for a few days though, until Gabby has some time to recover. We'll just have to see." She explained, Matt nodding slowly.
"Her name is Sofia." Matt spoke softly, watching as a bright smile fell onto Dr. Tanner's face.
"That's a beautiful name for your beautiful little girl. I'm glad to see she's doing well."
"She is." Matt confirmed, drawing in a deep breath. "She's okay… both my girls are okay, because of you." Dr. Tanner's face softened as she heard the thick emotion present in Matt's voice, the man trying to hold it together. "Thank you. I can never say it enough, but thank you." His voice began cracking, Matt blinking back the tears in his eyes.
"Matt-"
"I don't know what I would have done without her." He cut her off, fresh tears escaping down his cheeks. "I can't-... Just thank you. Thank you for saving her. For saving them both." His raspy voice filled the room, Dr. Tanner smiling softly, trying to push back her own emotions flooding her system.
She prided herself on being professional, on doing what she could for families and then walking away. She always tried to never get too attached to her patients, because despite the large amount of joy in this line of work, there was also a fair share of heartbreak. But there was something different with this family. Maybe it was the sheer amount of time they'd spent together since Gabby first showed up at her office, maybe it was everything this couple had gone through to get to this point, maybe it was how clearly they loved one another as well as their daughter. Whatever it was, Dr. Tanner couldn't help but hold a special place in her heart for this family, and to know that everything had worked out for them, that's all she wanted.
"You have nothing to thank me for. Gabby is a fighter, and so is your little girl." She responded, Matt nodding as he glanced back to his baby, unable to stop the smile that formed on his face. "I'll make sure someone comes to tell you when Gabby has been moved to her room, so you know and you can go visit her. I do want to limit her visitors for a few days. Family is fine, but she needs to focus on resting, as much as she can with a newborn." She explained, Matt nodding slowly.
"Do you know if Sofia can be taken to see her?" He asked, Dr. Tanner breathing deeply.
"I'm not sure how long they'll want to keep her here in the NICU. I want to take a look at her test results, see if there's anything that might cause some concern, but I know they'll at least want to keep her tonight. It's already getting late, and, like I said, I don't think Gabby will be very aware until tomorrow. But if Sofia's doing okay, there should be no problem taking her to Gabby in the morning. I know she's going to want to see her again, and if Sofia gets through the night with no problems, she should be able to just be moved to the nursery, which means she would be able to stay with Gabby. But, no matter when Gabby wakes up, I don't think she'll be able to see her until tomorrow."
"Okay, thank you." Matt murmured, Dr. Tanner nodding as she began to step away.
"I'm gonna go check in on Gabby, make sure everything's going well. Congratulations on your little girl, Matt."
"Thank you." He replied, smiling softly before looking back down to Sofia, stroking lightly over her cheek as Dr. Tanner walked away.
"I'm gonna go update the house, let them know Gabby's okay." Antonio spoke softly, Ramon nodding as he pulled his son in for another hug, the intense emotions of the day taking their toll on everyone.
"Thank you, Antonio." Matt said, the detective nodding as he smiled at his brother, Matt returning the gesture before looking back to Sofia, barely registering Ramon sitting down next to him. "Your Momma's okay, little girl. She's gonna be fine…" He breathed out, his eyes tracing over her small features. "She's okay."
He kept repeating the words over and over, still not entirely sure he believed them. He'd prepared himself for the worst, he thought he'd lost her. But he hadn't. Gabby was alive; he hadn't lost the love of his life and Sofia hadn't lost her mom.
She was okay. They all would be okay. And he'd never stop feeling incredibly grateful for that.
Antonio walked quickly through the halls of the hospital, wanting to get back to the anxious members of 51 as soon as possible. Knowing that his sister was going to be okay, he wanted to share the good news. But when he got closer to the common room, he saw a much smaller group remaining than there had been when he left.
"Antonio." Boden called, earning the attention of the few remaining members of 51 sitting in the waiting room, the detective seeing Jemma and Kelly seated towards the back.
"Hey, where is everyone?"
"Ambo and truck got called out, how is everything?" Boden asked cautiously, standing up and meeting the man in the middle of the hallway, everyone walking towards him.
"Gabby made it through the surgery."
"Oh thank God." Jemma breathed out, tears escaping down her cheeks as the words hit her ears, everyone releasing a collective sigh of relief, Kelly bringing her in for a comforting hug.
"So she's gonna be okay?" Boden needed to hear it again, he needed the clarification, which he soon got in the form a nod from Antonio.
"She is. She's still in recovery right now, she's sedated but she should be getting moved to her room soon. The surgery was tough, Gabby lost a lot of blood I guess, but she should make a full recovery."
"That's great news." Boden spoke, releasing a heavy breath, Antonio nodding.
"Yeah, I don't know much past that, but her and the baby are both good."
"That's all that matters." Boden added, Antonio giving him another nod. "I'll relay the information to everyone else and we'll get back to the house. I know it's late, and they all just need rest. But will you let us know if anything changes?"
"Of course. Thank you all for being here." The detective replied, Boden shaking his hand before turning to squad, nodding towards the exit.
"There's not much we can do here. Gabby and the baby are in the best hands possible."
Squad began to filter towards the door, Severide hanging back as he comforted Jemma, Antonio walking over to the pair. Jemma pulled back from Kelly's embrace, wiping the tears away from under her eyes, Antonio giving her a sympathetic smile.
"Dr. Tanner said she only wants family visiting for now, but that includes you two." Antonio spoke, Jemma swallowing the thick lump in her throat, Kelly rubbing her back. "I know it's late, but tomorrow, I'll let you two know what's going on, and when would be a good time for you all to stop by. I know Gabby will want to see you both, especially you, Jemma."
The paramedic tilted her head to the side, unable to question him before Antonio wrapped her up in a tight hug. Jemma relaxed into his embrace, curling her arms around his back.
"Thank you for getting her here." He murmured, Jemma tightening her hold. "And thank you for all you've done for my sister. When she got back, she was a wreck, but you helped her through that. You've been an amazing friend to her, and I'm so glad she has someone like you in her life. And I'm glad my niece has you, too." Jemma blinked back the fresh tears forming in her eyes, Antonio rubbing her back before they separated.
"I don't really feel like I've done anything, but I feel just as lucky to have met her. She's an amazing person, and I know she'll be an even better mom… I'm just so glad she's okay. That they're both okay."
Antonio and Kelly both nodded, the three standing in a circle in the waiting room, taking a second to decompress after what had been an emotionally draining day; one that they all knew could've ended much worse. But luckily, it hadn't.
Gabby grimaced as she slowly came into consciousness, her body feeling extremely heavy as she slowly opened her eyes, then immediately shutting them as her body flooded with intense discomfort. She wasn't sure where she was, or what was going on, the grimace on her face deepening as she slowly lifted her hand over her stomach. Shock filled her system when she felt her substantially smaller stomach, a soft groan escaping her lips as pain radiated from the area. When her mind cleared, hazy memories started flashing in her head, tears filling her closed eyes.
She remembered laying in bed, and her water breaking.
She remembered being brought to the hospital.
She remembered Matt getting here.
She remembered being taken to the delivery room.
She remembered their little girl being born.
The tears sitting in her eyes escaped down her cheeks, Gabby wincing as she opened her eyes, her body flooding with panic as she looked around the dimly lit room. Her blurry vision soon focused, Gabby doing what she could to ignore the aches throughout her entire body as her gaze soon landed on Matt. Her husband was sitting in the chair beside her bed, his body in a position she was sure wasn't comfortable as he slept slumped in the seat. It was then Gabby noticed his hand clasped tightly in hers against the mattress, Gabby using the position to her advantage as she gave it as firm a squeeze as her tired body could manage.
"Matt." Her raspy voice nearly choked out, worry flooding her body as she tried to figure out any reason as to why Matt would be in here with her and not with their daughter. "Matt." She tried again, the second squeeze of his hand waking him, Matt shooting up quickly in his seat, his wide eyes landing on her.
She saw the look of near disbelief that flashed in his eyes, his gaze coming into focus as he stared at her, Matt leaning towards her. "You're awake." He breathed out, Gabby looking around the room.
"Where is she?" She questioned, the shock leaving his system as he saw her panicking. "Where's our girl, is she okay?" More tears filled her eyes, Matt nodding as he leaned his weight onto the bed, bringing his hand up to cradle the side of her face.
"She's fine, baby. She's in the NICU, but she's doing great." He assured her, his eyes tracing over her, seeing her body relax slightly. "I was with her about… an hour ago, and she was great." He'd paused long enough to glance at his watch as he responded, Matt taking in her conscious form.
"Why'd you leave her? I don't want her to be alone." She murmured, Matt shaking his head as he stroked her cheek gently.
"She's not alone, your brother is with her." He replied, Gabby nodding as she took a deep breath, finally feeling like she was able to relax a little. "We've been trading off between the two of you, so neither of you are alone."
Gabby nodded slowly, her head resting back into the pillow as her free hand moved to ghost over her abdomen, a hiss of pain escaping her lips at the movement.
"Are you okay? Do you need me to get a nurse?" Casey asked quickly, Gabby shaking her head.
"No, I'm fine... I just keep forgetting." Matt glanced towards her stomach, unable to imagine how painful this had to have been. "When I woke up, I forgot at first, and it freaked me out. I didn't know what happened, then I remembered…" She trailed off, Matt rubbing his hand over her shoulder. "I wasn't sure- I wasn't sure I was gonna be here." Her voice cracked as the words left her lips, Matt frowning as he listened to her. "I remember telling you to go with her, and then I remember everything hurt. It felt like my entire body was on fire, and then it was nothing. It was just darkness... I thought I'd died." Her shaky voice made his heart sink, tears clouding in his eyes. "I thought I was dead, that I left her… That I left you both and I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life."
Matt pushed himself up from the chair, leaning over her body as he brought his head up to hers, holding her against his shoulder, being mindful to keep his weight off her.
"It's okay, baby." He murmured, feeling her body trembling slightly under his touch. "I can't imagine how awful that must've been… All I know is how I felt while you were in surgery, and I've never been more terrified." He admitted, a single tear escaping down his cheek, Matt sniffling before continuing. "...I thought I'd lost you today, that I was gonna have to do this on my own, and I didn't know what to do. But you're okay, you're here and everything's fine. You and our baby girl are fine."
Gabby nodded against his neck, Matt pressing a kiss to the side of her head before pulling back, resting his forehead against hers. Slowly, she leaned forward, pressing her lips into his. Their movements were slow and full of passion as they moved together, Matt making sure to commit this feeling to memory, knowing how close he came to losing it today.
She pulled back first, Matt resting his head back against hers, a soft smile appearing on his face as they both had their eyes closed. "God, I love you so much Gabriela Dawson." His voice was barely above a whisper, Matt knowing he didn't need to talk any louder than that as he felt her smile against him, Gabby leaning forward to kiss him again.
"That's Gabriela Casey to you." She responded once they pulled back, Matt opening his eyes to find her smiling softly, her brown eyes shining back at him. In that moment, Matt swore he fell in love with her all over again. Seeing her smile made his heart swell, Matt not wanting to take this moment for granted. He didn't want to take any moment for granted. It was like whenever she spoke, or he heard her laugh, or he felt her touch, it reminded him that he almost lost this. He came so close to never having this again, to having her again, and the thought made his stomach sink.
He knows he shouldn't focus on it, that despite how this day almost turned into the worst day of his life, Gabby was fine. She made it, she was here right now, talking to him. She was alert, and she knew what was going on. She was alright, and he shouldn't dwell on the what ifs.
But it was hard not to when he thought he saw her die right in front of him.
When she was unconscious on the table, he thought she was gone. And despite having her right now, it was impossible to forget how he felt in the moment. Even though that's all he wanted to do.
"But I love you too, Matthew Casey." She murmured, snapping him from his thoughts, Matt grinning softly as she brought her hand up to his cheek, cupping his face. "I love you and our little girl more than anything else in the world."
"Sofia." He spoke softly, Gabby's eyes immediately filling with fresh tears, her lips curling up into a smile.
"What?"
"Her name is Sofia."
A happy sob escaped her lips, Gabby's smile widening as a few tears slid down her cheek.
"I know that's what you wanted, and the second I saw her I just knew. She's Sofia... our Sofia."
Tears continuously streamed down Gabby's face, Matt wiping them away as they fell. "Can I see her?"
A soft frown formed over his face when he heard the hopefulness in her voice, Matt shaking his head softly. "In the morning." He responded, Gabby huffing out a frustrated breath.
"I wanna see her, Matt." She nearly cried, more tears escaping down her cheeks, Matt's frown deepening. "I need to see her, I need to know she's okay. I haven't been there for her so far, I need to-"
"Hey hey hey." He cut in, trying to soothe her worries. "She's okay. I promise you, she is. She's alright, but she's sleeping. They can't move her right now." He spoke softly, stroking her cheek. "But I swear to you, in the morning the second we can, she'll be in here and you can be with her." He tried to keep her calm, Gabby taking deep breaths.
"She's okay?" Gabby asked again, Matt wiping away the tears across her skin.
"She's doing great. Everything's fine." He assured her, Gabby nodding before reluctantly relaxing back into the pillows, Matt running his hand over the side of her face before settling back into his chair. "Try and rest, okay? You need to sleep."
"Will you go be with her?"
"Baby-"
"I know my brother is there, but please, I want you with her. She needs at least one of her parents." Gabby nearly pleaded, Matt's face softening as he nodded.
"I will, okay? I promise you, I'll go and stay with her, but first I want you to go back to sleep."
"Matt-"
"Once you're asleep, I'll go." He repeated, Gabby nodding slowly as she reached out for his hand, Matt giving it willingly. She was too tired to put up more of a fight, Gabby holding onto his hand tightly as she relaxed into the bed. Despite the pain she was feeling, and the anxiety within her at the thought of having to wait and see her baby, her exhaustion overpowered all of those things, Gabby's body feeling the effects of the trauma it had sustained over the last day.
Within minutes, she was out, Matt watching closely as her chest rose and fell steadily. He waited around a few extra moments to ensure she was really asleep before carefully dropping her hand, placing a kiss on her forehead before heading for the door. No matter how much he didn't want to leave her, he intended to keep his word and go and be with their daughter, Matt giving her sleeping form one last look before getting into the hallway, feeling a lot lighter than he had when he entered the room an hour ago.
Man, this one was an emotional one for me. I started crying like ten different times while writing it. But, as you all can see, Gabby's okay. She pulled through. Though she's still got some recovery ahead for her, she's here with Matt and little Sofia. Next chapter, we'll get to see Gabby and Sofia reunite.
Pretty much all of you said you want me to keep this story going, so that's what I'm gonna try and do. I know there's a lot of places I can go from here, with Matt and Gabby raising their baby, so I've decided to stick with it and see how it goes. I'm not sure how long I'll keep this going, I don't want to write just to write. But if I feel like I still have a story to tell, I'll still be writing it.
Thank you all for the overwhelming amount of love and support you've shown me on this story from the beginning. I write this for you all, and the love I've gotten in return is nothing short of incredible. I've loved writing this and getting these updates to you, and seeing your reactions to everything and your thoughts and feelings. I've loved being able to provide us Dawsey fans with something the show couldn't. But it wouldn't have been possible without the constant encouragement I've received from you all. Whether you review every single chapter, or you just sometimes pop in for a review, or even if you've never reviewed a single time and have just been reading my updates, to everyone reading this right now, I appreciate you so much. You all have no idea how much the support means to me.