A/N - hey guys. here is chapter four for you. There is a little more interaction between characters in this one because I felt that it was needed and it was about time i addressed how everyone is reacting towards Greg. Also, have tried to continue with the way Greg is feeling. I really hope I'm not depressing everybody! Talk about Christmas cheer eh? Anyway hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the rest. There's a little more dialogue in this one too but it was needed.

Out Of Context

Chapter Four

(C) CSI Dork 2005

'Greg?'

I turned slowly towards the voice that had replaced the footsteps I had heard coming up the corridor. Catherine Willows stood looking at me with maternal concern. Considering I thought her to be an attractive woman, I wondered if this should disturb me. Whether it could almost be classified as Oedipal. Anyway, not the point, she was looking at me as though she was expecting some sort of answer from me but I couldn't remember the question. All I remembered was hearing my name.

'Greg, what are you doing here? You should be at home,' she said.

'Why?' I shot back. 'So you don't all have to see my face and be reminded that I am going through a truly shit time. So you don't have to feel guilty that you can't find the words to say to make me feel better!'

I was almost shouting by this point and she cowered slightly at my rage. Catherine Willows cowered? She was the strongest woman I knew. I stopped shouting and closed my mouth. It felt like I did it in slow motion as I saw the silvery coating that had appeared in the bottom of her eyes.

'I'm sorry,' I said, hanging my head and looking at the floor. It seemed not being able to look people in the eye was a skill that I was guilty of not possessing also. 'That was unfair.'

'It's o.k,' I heard her say, softly. 'I don't blame you, you're probably right but I still think you should go home.'

'There's nothing good on the T.V,' I quipped.

She looked at me and gave a small sympathetic smile like she knew I was trying to be funny to save myself from breaking down again. Not that I remembered the first break down that resulted in my hospital visit.

'Well, there's nothing for you to do here either,' she pointed out. 'Grissom won't let you work, you know that right?'

I nodded and turned my head slightly towards the way I was facing before our conversation began. I heard a slight intake of breath from Catherine as she realised what I was looking at.

'I might pay her a visit,' I said and looked at Catherine again.

She nodded uncomfortably like she knew she couldn't stop me but didn't think it was good for me all the same. There was that maternal vibe again. Suddenly Catherine Willows was becoming less attractive in my eyes.

I turned and looked at the door to the coroner's office again. I was about to take a cautious step forward when I felt Catherine's hand on my arm.

'Greg, wait, you can't go in there,'

'Why not?' I pulled my arm away; something about her tone had got my back up. How dare she stop me from doing this? How dare she stop me from saying goodbye?

'You just…. can't' she said weakly and lowered her eyes to the ground again.

Angrily, I marched towards the door ignoring her attempts to make me do otherwise. I pushed open the door and walked in. The sight that met my eyes caused me to retch and my hand clutched the nearest thing it could to support my weight. The cold steel of the empty autopsy table against my skin.

'What the hell is he doing here?' Grissom's voice faintly attacked the cold silence of the room.

'I'm sorry, I tried to stop him,' Catherine's even fainter feeble defence came back as I returned to reality and my dizzy spell subsided.

Lying on the other autopsy table was her body. Still. Cold. Grey. Dr Robbins stood over her, scalpel in hand, his face looking at mine despondently. I was sick of the sympathetic faces, like they were the ones suffering the loss. I didn't understand. They hadn't known her. Didn't care for her. Didn't love her. I took a deep breath as I stepped closer. Maybe I didn't want to see this. The sight of her torso surgically opened and examined in the way I had seen so many other corpses before.

I slowly edged my way to the table. As I got closer I realised no one was trying to stop me. Dr Robbins stood in the same spot, the same look on his face. I couldn't even hear Grissom arguing with Catherine anymore. It was then I realised she had already left and their argument had finished some minutes earlier. I hesitated and craned my neck like a child looking fearfully into a darkened room.

'Greg, it's o.k,' Dr Robbins broke the silence, startling me.

'What?' I gasped, my voice barely audible, my mind screaming - how can this be ok!

'I haven't done her autopsy yet, you can still see her if you want to.'

Something inside me gave a sigh of relief. I straightened and walked confidently to the edge of the table. Slab. Whatever you want to call it. For a moment or two I stood and looked at her. Her ashen face, motionless, expressionless. Somehow she looked different to when I had found her. I realised Dr Robbins must have washed away some of the blood.

'So what are we looking at?' I said automatically as though this were any regular old corpse.

There was no reply. I couldn't hear anyone's breathing except for my own. It was harsh but regular. I was determined to do this whether I could work the case or not. I was determined to hear the details of her last hours, what had happened to her.

'We'll send you a copy of the preliminary report as soon as it's done, Greg,' Grissom said.

'Do it now,' I demanded.

'You're not on this case Greg, you know that,' Grissom argued back.

'Yeah but you have to keep reminding me don't you!' I snapped.

'I'm sorry Greg but…' he began to defend himself.

'Yeah, well you know what? Everyone's just so fucking sorry all the time,' I shouted and slammed my fist on to the table.

'Get out Greg,' Grissom ordered firmly.

'I'm not going anywhere until…'

'Get OUT!'

'Gil…' Dr Robbins's voice cut softly through the tension

Our fighting ceased immediately at the sound of his voice. I turned to him. He had been standing so quietly and uninvolved before but now he was in control of the room without so much as batting an eyelid. . I always felt his voice reminded me of a wise old sage. Someone who knew a lot about life. Had seen some sights.

'Cause of death was a blunt force trauma to the head, fracturing the skull causing a subdural haemorrhaging.' He stated matter of factly.

'Type of weapon?' Grissom piped up having joined us at the table without another word of protest at allowing me to hear the facts.

'Probably something large and heavy, applied with a lot of force,' Dr Robbins hesitated for a moment and glanced at me. 'Death was instantaneous but she put up a fight beforehand. Look at the bruises on her palms and forearms.'

'Good girl,' I said quietly and absently placed my hand on hers before pulling it away instantly. The coldness was unexpected and reminded me that she was no longer alive.

I became aware that Grissom and Robbins were both looking at me. I glanced at the both of them for a moment and then swallowed as though it took a great deal of effort.

'Signs of sexual activity?' I asked, surprisingly calmly. I couldn't believe I was even asking this. Did I really think she had been with another man-hours before she was killed?

'I'd like you to leave now Greg,' Dr Robbins said flatly. 'I don't think it's appropriate for you to be present for the remainder of the examination. I'll let you know when you can see her again.'

'Why can't you just answer my question?' I asked bitterly.

'It's time for you to leave Greg,' Grissom reinforced Dr Robbins' request.

'What won't you tell me?' I demanded to know.

'Just get out!' Grissom ordered again, his voice rising this time.

Why was everyone shouting at me? Why did no one seem to care what I wanted? Everyone was doing what they thought was best for me. Maybe they were really doing what was best for them. Dealing with the cold hard facts rather than having to deal with me and my grief.

I turned slowly and walked towards the door past the empty autopsy table and left the cold clinical hell that was the coroner's office. I felt suddenly reminded of my own existence. Like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I realised with a sickening feeling in my stomach that I felt alone for the first time in my life.

A/N - poor old Greg. I just want someone to give him a hug. I hope i've still got you all interested and that you enjoyed the chapter. Five and Six are coming right up (I got very carried away).