A/N - ooh, you nearly didn't get this chapter. The silly thing wouldn't let me upload it. Scary! Anyway, this chapter is a bit of a filler chapter again. I have tried to explore some relationship between Greg and Grissom (platonic of course - rids mind of disturbing image) as well as explaining a couple of loose ends as well.

Nine

'Whoa, Greg, you o.k?' Nick asked as he put an arm out to support my weight.

I put a hand to my head as the room spun out of control. I needed to get a grip – and fast. I was barely aware of what was going on as someone else took me by the arm and guided me towards Grissom's office. Why were they taking me there? The hand instructed me to sit in the chair and a few disoriented seconds later, I realised it was Grissom.

'Take a deep breath Greg, I don't want you passing out again,' he said firmly and as tactful as ever.

I followed his advice and the room-spinning ride came to a stop.

'Griss, I was going to shoot him,'

'I noticed,' was the wry reply.

'I could've killed him.'

'But you didn't.'

For some unknown reason, I laughed and said 'Yeah, no thanks to you.' Grissom raised one curious eyebrow at me.

'Your negotiating skills aren't exactly ground breaking,' I said with a smile, I thought I had forgotten how to do that but still it was creeping across my face with unbreakable resilience.

Grissom gave a half nod of agreement. 'The important thing is you didn't do it.'

'I heard Nick and Warrick talking. Said they'd got the guy.'

'As usual they settled on their first answer too soon.'

'I wonder who got the fifty bucks?' I said with another smile, the gambling habits of the two best friends were becoming a running joke.

'They didn't make a bet on this one.' Grissom said emphatically.

I looked at him and met his eyes. They looked tired and sad. I had never noticed that about him before. It seemed that contrary to my pessimistic belief, Gil Grissom did have feelings.

'Why not?' I said, not that it mattered whether Nick Stokes and Warrick Brown made money out of my girlfriend's murder.

The corners of Grissom's mouth upturned slightly and his eyes shone with what looked like fatherly pride as he thought about the two CSI's.

'Because this one was too important to them.'

I inhaled deeply and felt an overwhelming strength come over me. I had spent so much time thinking about how I felt. About how difficult this was for me. I hadn't stopped to realise that I had friends who cared. That the maternal looks from Catherine and the sisterly hugs from Sara weren't meant to patronise me or make the experience more unbearable than it already was. Even Grissom's apparent lack of sensitivity was over stated.

'Greg, you still with me?' Grissom asked, pulling me from my moment of analytical sentimentality.

'Yeah, yeah, I'm good.' I said.

'Good. I need to get back to work. Do you need someone to take you home?'

'No, I'm staying here.' I said. 'But I won't cause any more trouble I promise.' I added when I saw Grissom's uneasy look.

Grissom nodded and rose from his chair. He walked towards the door, stopping for a moment to give me a reassuring pat on the shoulder and then left.

I kissed her bare shoulder as the sunrise shone through the curtains framing her sleeping face. She stirred a little but didn't wake. She had lay in my arms like this the whole night and I hadn't slept a wink but I didn't care. I was happy to watch her sleep.

I smiled as I thought about how cheesy this would look in a movie. Except there would be an instrumental interlude as time skipped forward and the male lead would be better looking and be able to feel his arms. But it didn't matter to me. This was still perfect.

She startled me as she took in a deeper breath for a moment before her chest fell and her breathing continued normally. Her hair was all over the pillow, looked like she had been pulled backwards through a hedge but I didn't care. To me she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I swept back a lock of her hair and leaned to kiss her forehead when I saw the blood on her face. I pulled back suddenly…

There was a muffled thud as I fell off the break room sofa and landed on the floor. I had been dreaming again except this time, memories were becoming blurred with the nightmares.

As I rubbed my eyes and wondered what time it was, there was a soft click as the break room door opened gently. I looked up to see Sara give me a weak, cautious smile as though she was afraid she was interrupting something.

'Can I come in?'

'Sure,' I pulled myself up and repositioned myself on the sofa.

'Bad dream again?' she asked, taking a seat beside me.

I nodded. She nodded. Understood that nothing else needed to be said on the matter.

'We got him,' she said simply.

'Good,' was my equally simplistic reply.

We sat in silence. I didn't cry. Didn't feel anything. It was like I had felt so much; I had nothing left to feel. I knew I should feel relieved but I was numb.

'Looks like it was just a random killing,' Sara continued.

I looked at her and she stopped.

'Sorry,'

'It's o.k, I need to hear it,' I said, realising the look on my face must have been threateningly fierce.

'We think he may have been responsible for two other murders, one in Miami, one in Brooklyn. He got careless. His DNA was put in CODIS last month after he was arrested for a D&D.' Sara explained it to me slowly but not in a condescending kind of way.

I nodded again. It was a wonder my head didn't fall off with all the nodding I was doing.

'At least he won't be able to hurt anyone else,' I said although my heart was screaming again. Screaming that he had still hurt her.

The fact that no one else would have to go through this as a result of his actions didn't concern me. I wasn't anyone else. I was me and this had happened to me. It sounded selfish but I wished it hadn't been her. That it had been someone else and that I could still be with her. Wrap my arms around her. Tell her that I loved her.

'I don't know if I told her enough,' I said out loud without meaning to.

'She knew.' Sara said gently, knowing exactly what I meant. 'And she loved you too. Last night she went out with girlfriend, not another guy.'

I nodded again. I could have sworn my head felt like it was coming lose. Suddenly I thought of her parents. I had never met them, never thought of them. Did they even know their daughter was dead?

'Has anyone called her mom and dad?' I asked Sara suddenly.

'Yeah, Catherine did it while you were in the hospital. They took a flight as soon as they could. They got in about ten minutes ago.'

'They're here?' I said, sitting up and feeling my mind start to bark instructions at me.

I had to go and see them. Meet them. Tell them how sorry I was. No, I'd hated that. I'd tell them…What would I tell them? I covered my face again. It seemed I was doing that a lot. Like somehow my small, useless hands could protect me from all this.

Sara put a hand on my shoulder for the second time that day and squeezed it in the same reassuring way that Grissom had.

'I'll come with you,' she said.

I nodded and stood up, following her out of the room. Everything seemed to have returned to its normal speed. Technicians in the labs sat looking into microscopes, putting things into test tubes. Grissom sat in his office doing paperwork. We passed Catherine on her mobile, probably sorting out Lindsey's latest escapade. It was at that point I realised.

I was still alive.

A/N - if Greg seems unusually calm in this chapter it's because I felt like it was time that he woke up, like he had been wandering around in a dream like status for some time. The incident with the man and the gun,I thought, was the peak of his emotional situation and after that he starts to come around and realise he has to move on. I hope that make sense and works for everybody. Hope you enjoyed it. The final chapter is coming up...