After Lily was born, our lives were perfect. We were all happy – Rory, me, Luke and Lily. I was mostly happy with my little family – me, Rory and Lily. The Gilmore Girls. Part of me was glad Lily wasn't a boy, as I liked having no boys in the house. In the first few months, Rory was excellent. She did everything from waking up in the middle of the night for feeds (Lily was bottle fed), to changing diapers. She was like a second mother. And Luke could also always be counted upon to bring food – especially healthy food, which I needed to eat for my milk but refused to buy.
As the years went on, Lily grew up. Soon she was a cute, happy four-year-old with brown hair and a gorgeous smile. She loved everyone and, much to my dismay, would eat the healthy food Luke gave her to eat. She was more like Rory than me – crazy but sensible and mature. She could brighten your day in an instant. She was also a great comfort to me, as Rory was going to college at Yale by this time. Lily kept me from missing her heaps.
But that year things went wrong. Slowly overtime, Lily began to get sick. She was vomiting a lot and wouldn't eat. She was tired all the time, too, and I could see her losing weight fast. But when I saw her abdomen swelling up, I knew it was time to go to the hospital.
"She has a serious liver disease," the doctor said.
My eyes instantly filled with tears. "Rory, go take Lily and read her a story," I said, not wanting Lily to either see me crying or hear what the doctor was going to say.
I turned back to the doctor. "How bad is it? Can we do anything?" I asked tearfully.
"Well," he said. "It seems that she's had this disease since she was born. But unfortunately, it's too late to do anything, so she needs a liver transplant. Very soon."
I could read into the doctor's words, and I desperately did not want that to happen. "So how do we go about finding a liver?"
"Well, you, your husband and any siblings can be tested, and if we don't find a match, the donor registry is our only hope, and unfortunately that can take time Lily doesn't have. Until she has the transplant, she will have to stay in hospital.
I nodded. "How soon can we be tested?"
"Well, if you get tested today, we can have the results back tomorrow. Why don't you come back in an hour with your whole family, and you can all be tested then."
I nodded. "Ok, thank you, I'll see you in an hour."
My heart was racing as I went out into the hallway. I found Rory and Lily reading Cinderella together in the waiting room.
"Mommy!" Lily ran to me.
I hugged her for a minute before kneeling down in front of her to tell her that she was sick. I was still struggling to keep my tears under control. "Lily, Mommy needs to talk to you, Ok?"
"Ok," she said solemnly – she could see just how serious this was.
We sat in chairs across from each other and Rory sat in between. I could see the concern on her face and could tell that she was having trouble choosing who sit with; she wanted to support both of us at the same time.
"Lily, honey, you are very sick. You have something wrong with your liver, which is here." I pointed to where my liver was and watched her find her own liver. "You are going to have to stay in hospital for a while until you have an operation."
"Will the operation hurt?" Having just been given a whole lot of tests including blood tests, she was very sensitive to pain at that moment.
'No, you'll be asleep so it won't hurt." I smiled to reassure her.
"Ok." She smiled back.
"Good girl." I stood up and she went back to the book. At four years of age, she couldn't read yet, but she loved looking at the pictures.
Rory took over to the other side of the room and sat me down. "What's up?"
"Lily has a liver disease but it's too late and if she doesn't have a liver transplant soon she'll die," I said flatly. "In an hour you, me and Luke are all getting tested to see if our livers are a match."
Rory was surprisingly calm. By then the tears were flowing down my cheeks. "I don't want to lose her, Ror. I can't. I love her so much. She's no the same as you – you're my firstborn, my confidante, my best friend and my everything. I'm so glad you're old enough for all of this. But Lily…she's my little girl." I finally broke down on Rory's shoulder and cried uncontrollably.
By this time, Rory was crying too, and I could feel her shoulders shaking as she shared my pain. Suddenly I lifted my head. "I have to tell Luke."
"Mom, stay here. I'll call him." Good old Rory, she knew I'd struggle with the phone call – it was probably the hardest I would've had to make in my life.
I sat there and watched Lily play with the toys in the room. She was so beautiful, it was hard to believe there was something wrong with her. And she was the light of my life…she was sweet, cute, and kind…I was tearing up again.
"Mom, he's coming." Rory interrupted me.
"Ok." I stood up. "Do you mind staying with Lily? I'm going to wait for Luke." I couldn't stand it in there anymore, I needed to get out. Also, I needed coffee, which I knew Luke would bring.
"Ok," Rory agreed. She knew Lily needed to be entertained so that she could be kept from what was really happening.
I detoured to the bathroom to wash my face and compose myself, even though I knew it wouldn't be long before I was crying again.
I waited outside for 15 mins before Luke's truck pulled up.
As soon as we got out, we hugged. I didn't matter that Luke NEVER hugged anyone. At that moment, I was just glad that I had known him for as long as I had; we knew what each other needed at that time and what they were thinking without any words.
"How is she?" he asked as we walked through the automatic doors.
"Who? Rory or Lily?" I answered.
He gave me a look, knowing that I knew who he meant, before changing his mind. "Both."
"Rory's upset, but she's putting on a brave front for me and Lily. I've been a mess and she knows I don't want Lily to know how serious things are. Lily…is fine, considering. Despite the pain of what she's been through, plus seeing me upset, she hasn't shed a tear. She's really being brave and mature – just like Rory is." I smiled.
"What did you tell her?"
"I just told her that she's got something wrong with her liver and that she's sick. I also told her that she'll have to stay here until she has an operation and that it won't hurt."
"Why is Rory here? Doesn't she have classes on Mondays?"
"She does. But this morning when I found Lily's swollen abdomen, I panicked and called Rory at Yale. She knew I was really worried so she came down so we could all go the hospital together."
"How come no one called me?"
I didn't answer. He didn't expect me to. It was a stupid question. He knew I rang Rory first for everything, and that I didn't want to worry him unnecessarily.
"What happens if none of us are a match?" he said more gently.
"They go through the donor registry, which can take time – up to months – which Lily doesn't have, unfortunately."
On the rest of the way back to the waiting room, Luke and I agreed on 3 rules for the next few days.
While she was in hospital, Lily would have either Luke, Rory or me with her 24/7.
Lily would not see any of us having our liver tested.
Always appear optimistic in front of Lily.
Lily was very brave and didn't seem upset about being in hospital or the IV being inserted. I stayed with her as much as I could, only leaving for the bathroom and to get my liver tested.
The next day, we found out that Luke's liver was a match for Lily. The operation would be first thing the next morning.
"Thank God." I sank into a chair, thankful that we had found a donor so quickly.
Luke left to tell Lily. I knew this would be a time for them to bond, and that this liver would be special to the two of them.
I hugged Rory and we sat there for a moment.
"Do you want to go home?" she asked. "If nothing else, you can sleep for a few hours – you're not going to get much sleep for the next 48 hours."
"Ok," I agreed. "I just want to see Lily first."
Rory waited outside while I went in. "Hey honey," I greeted her.
"Mummy, Daddy's going to give me his liver cos mine doesn't work," she told me.
"Yeah, that's right." I stroked her hair. "Mummy's going to go home for a little while with Rory but Daddy going to stay here with you Ok?" I looked at Luke and he nodded.
"Ok. Is Rory here?"
"Yeah, she's outside. Do you want to see her?" Lily nodded, so I went outside and came back with Rory.
Lily smiled at Rory and Rory smiled back but then Rory's smile faded.
"Ror, what's wrong?" I asked, alarmed.
She walked over to Lily's IV bag. "Her IV tube is bone dry. It shouldn't be like that; it should have fluid in it."
"I'll get someone," said Luke, and promptly left.
That's my Rory. She's so smart and practical, and even the doctors were glad that she'd noticed, even though they wouldn't tell us what would've happened had it been left like that.
So the next morning Luke and Lily both went into surgery, Luke a going in a few minutes before Lily.
"Thanks Luke, this is great, it really is." I told him before he was wheeled off.
"Well, I'm her father. You don't have to thank me."
"Right." I wasn't really underestimating him, just telling him how grateful I was.
"Mom," Rory was at the door. She'd just been with Lily. Now it was time to switch.
"Well…bye." I didn't really know how to do this, especially since we didn't really have a friendship anymore.
I went into Lily's room.
"Hey," I went and sat next to her on the bed, stroking her hair.
"Mom, am I going to be Ok?" Lily looked at me, her eyes full of fear.
"Of course. When you're better you can choose all the movies for the next movie night," I promised.
"Ok," her eyes lit up for a moment.
Just then the doctors and nurses came in to wheel her away. Lily instantly turned to me, her eyes full of fear again.
"Can I come in with her?" I asked. I hadn't even thought of it up until that moment.
"Yes, until she's asleep."
We went into the hall where I caught Rory's eye and motioned to her where I was going. She nodded.
Once in the operating room, Lily was given gas to fall asleep. I held her hand the whole time, and, just as her eyes were closing, I whispered, "I love you kid."