A MESSED UP DESTINY

A STAR WARS STORY

Chapter 38

Disclaimer: Disney owns everything and I make no profit from this.

Hello there everyone and welcome to chapter 38 of the story! Picking up about an hour after we left off, this chapter focuses on Obi Wan and Siri, as well the Darth Sidious duel I've been teasing for a little while. I give you all three chances to guess what's going to happen today. Anyhow…with Naboo saved and a celebration well underway, Obi Wan splits off from the festivities after sensing something amiss in the Royal Palace, with Siri following closely behind, not wanting to leave him alone. What they encounter will change their lives forever…assuming of course it doesn't end them first.

Now…without further ado…let's dive right into it!

The Lord of Lies! Having felt something amiss during their celebration on the planet of Naboo, Jedi Knights Obi Wan Kenobi and Siri Tachi investigate what may be the biggest lead the Council has had on the Sith Lord behind the Clone Wars, but encounter something neither expected. Now fighting for their very lives, both Jedi know that this day will change them irreparably, assuming of course that Darth Sidious doesn't end them first…

Naboo, Theed, Obi Wan's point of view:

The second the bombs had been about to go off, now yet another moment of terror, of feeling like a failure, had been committed to memory, and would stay there till death did me part with the horrors of War. Realistically speaking, that could very well be a week from now, if not a few months at most. Actually getting through this whole thing wasn't something I'd dare hope for, because while I believed in Anakin with my whole heart, I knew that a part of me would be left behind.

The scars left by the War, by the Empire, would never leave the trenches, would never escape the battlefield or get any respite. No. Regardless of what ended up happening in the end, the part of me that had committed the names of all those we'd lost would always stay in a state fit for a General, never swaying away from the need to survive against impossible odds, to fight against millions of killing machines simply because it was part of daily life.

If I were to be honest with myself, I could understand Anakin a lot better now. As it turned out, we'd both been feeling the same things, even before everything had gone to Sith Hells. Before the dark times, before the Empire. It was only a matter of acceptance, in a sense. Anakin had made peace with the fact that he was and always would be attached to certain people. They were what he fought for, not the Republic. On the other hand, I'd constantly lie to myself, spewing mantras of the Jedi to cover up my own attachments. I'd been doing it for far longer than I'd been a General, really.

Back when I was still Qui Gon's Padawan, he and I had gone to Mandalor to protect the planetary ruler from insurgents. That was the first time I'd laid eyes on Satine, with half her royal guard lying on the muddy ground, dead and the other half ready to accept the same fate if it meant she would survive. At the time, I hadn't truly understood their devotion. It had come from a place of duty yes, but those men and women had also been people that Satine had –in a sense- grown up with. They had cared for her more than a regular soldier cares for his Commanders, or a civilian for their ruler.

A memory flashed through my mind, one of that mission's end, back when Satine and I had been young and in love. She'd asked me to stay with her, but I had refused, claiming that I had a duty to the Jedi Order. It was a lie, of course. The real reason was my attachment to Qui Gon and that I didn't want to lose him as a father figure. That wasn't something I'd ever been willing to accept, not even when the only thing left for me to do was just that, in the harsh deserts of Tatooine.

When Anakin, a then teenage boy, had seen through the hypocrisy and –to be frank- the lies of the Jedi, I'd begged him to stay, in the same he would later beg Ahsoka. A different matter entirely that one, but the reasons behind Anakin's actions and my own were ultimately the same. Attachment.

The same thing happened on Mustafar, many years later. I'd always been fighting for those I cared for, and to find out that one of them had –from my point of view back then- betrayed me, it had been too much. Admittedly, I could have handled the situation much better than I did, but I had allowed my anger to cloud my judgement and instead of trying to help, I'd only made things worse. One might even say that Anakin wasn't the only one whose actions were dictated by emotion that day, and it had taken me a long time to understand that simple fact.

And now…now everything was different, yet the same. I had my brother, whose limbs I'd cut off and left to die alone. I had Cody, who had nearly killed me due to being controlled like a slave, I had Qui Gon, which I was grateful for, and I also had a second chance, amongst everything else.

This was my chance to make things right. The same went for Anakin, but he was already well on his way to doing so, while I was lagging behind. When he'd returned to the Jedi Temple after going to Naboo with Padme, he'd accepted that the past was just that, while I'd still been terrified of Darth Vader suddenly deciding to chop my head off for all I had done to him. In fairness, it wouldn't be the first time my fears had controlled me, but it was the first time where they led me to mistrust my best friend, my own brother.

After Siri's capture by the Sith Phantoms, I had come to understand the struggle Anakin had to go through every day. It was more than I could have ever imagined, because no Jedi could truly understand it. The fear for my love's life, the anger I'd felt when I thought I'd been too slow to save her…and the horror of those yellow eyes and the screams she'd let out during the battle. Anakin had been forced to balance all that, of –in his mind- being the cause of that, along with the guilt of having ended so many lives, and to then have to act like nothing was wrong around those people…

Yet, he was doing better than I. It was a fact, what I'd told him a lifetime ago before leaving to hunt Grievous down. He was stronger, wiser, and a better Jedi than I could ever hope to be. Truthfully, my attachments were the only reason I hadn't gone insane yet. I had a responsibility to my men, and Cody was always there to ground me when things got too hectic. Anakin was always willing to offer a listening ear, one that oftentimes I didn't feel was deserved, for I was still keeping the existence of his children a secret from him, even though he'd always told me everything that was on his mind, battling any and all thoughts of disappointment coming from me.

I couldn't say the same for myself. I was afraid, more so than any Jedi was allowed to be. But Siri, she was always there to keep me brave. To get me to remember what, or rather who I was fighting for. Because every deflected bolt of plasma, every droid's head that ended up on the ground was in order to protect those who couldn't do it for themselves. Civilians caught in the crossfire of battles, the Younglings at the Temple, the Clones, all of them brave soldiers who were laying down their lives for the same purpose.

So as I lied down on a mattress someone had dragged into the street during the celebration, I made a silent promise to myself. I vowed to do as Anakin had done, and make peace with my emotions, with my attachments and above all, with my fears. Taking a deep breath, I glanced at Siri, who was sitting next to me, absentmindedly playing with a lock of hair as she laughed along with the others, happy to be alive after nearly losing everything today.

Pushing myself to my feet, I stumbled as I got up, my legs slightly numb from having sat down for too long. Seeing this, Siri helped me up, and I discreetly sent her a meaningful look. She understood, and within a few moments, we were standing in an empty alleyway, with no one else in sight.

"What wrong Obi?", she asked softly, having guessed part of what was going on in my head.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the sound of her voice. It reminded me that even after everything, I was still lucky enough to have her in my life. "Nothing, love.", I replied, causing a slight blush to appear on her cheeks. It wasn't often that we got a chance to admit our feelings to each other. Saying it out loud just made everything more real, and I loved the feeling it gave me.

Siri's expression then darkened as her eyes gazed upon the Royal Palace. The memory of holding a dying Qui Gon in my arms flashed before my eyes, and if only for a moment, it was as if I was back there, in that same room. Siri noticed my grim expression, immediately placing a hand on my shoulder for comfort.

Out of a need to express my gratitude, I hugged her. "I…I want to go there.", I then said, hoping my voice wasn't cracking as much as I thought. "I have to face it.", I told her, determined to uphold my newly made promise.

"You don't have to.", Siri said softly, her voice sounding like an angel's.

Slowly pulling away, I looked her in the eye and dropped my mental shields, letting her feel my emotions. "I do.", was the reply. Siri didn't object, still taking everything in. After a moment, she nodded hesitantly, making me smile. I was glad she understood how important this was to me.

Passing through tables and chairs hastily laid out wherever free space could once be found, smiling fondly at the sight of Clones intermingling with the festivities and cheering as they saw us come through, some too drunk to articulate anything more complex, and the occasional familiar face engaged in conversation, Siri and I made our way to the Royal Palace, our pace slowing down as we came closer and closer to the Hangar.

"Did you hear? Generals Skywalker and Kenobi had a duel a couple hours back!"

"Really? Don't tell me I missed it?"

"…and get this, the Chancellor is around here somewhere. Something about congratulating the Jedi or whatever…"

"…and that's why I'm never going near another protocol droid!"

In what seemed like mere moments, we were already walking through the Palace, smiling politely at the occasional guards who saluted us while on patrol. The Nubian Starfighters soon came into view, a beautiful array of yellow filling my vision. Allowing myself to forget the true purpose of our visit, I imaged bringing Anakin here sometime later, sure that he'd go on a rant about how excellent the craftsmanship of the ships was. And then suddenly, we were there. And I saw it. The door.

That same door which Darth Maul had come through the day Qui Gon had died…with someone else occupying the empty space. Stopping in less than a second, I ducked behind a crate and dragged Siri down with me, shushing her when she tried to ask what was going on. Slamming up my Force Shields, Siri mimicked me and I –in a move that would save our lives- hasted to conjure a Force Projection around us, making it seem like our hiding spot was empty space.

It was a good thing I'd taken that precaution, because in the very next second, the crates went flying and into a nearby wall, Darth Sidious' gaze burning through us both. Siri and I didn't make a sound as he examined the –seemingly empty- space, and I prayed to the Force that I'd done a good enough job to avoid being fried to death by his Force Lightning today.

Siri had to stop me from letting out a sigh of relief when the Dark Lord turned around and started punching an array of numbers into his comm. He's probably calling Dooku. I was about to inch closer and try to overhear, but Siri held me in place, on edge about the Sith Lord's presence here.

"Who is this guy?", she asked angrily. "He feels…he feels a thousand times worse than Dooku!", Siri then whisper-yelled at me.

Refraining from shushing her since that would probably piss her off and make more noise, I decided to answer as shortly as I could. "That-", I said while pointing at Palpatine, ignoring how the name alone made me want to strangle the bastard, "-is Darth Sidious. The most powerful Sith Lord currently in existence and also Dooku's boss.",

Now aggravated, Siri couldn't stop herself from questioning me, or rather, why she had been unaware of this until now. "Why in the Force's name didn't you say anything earlier?", she whispered, but I knew she'd be screaming in my face if not for the murderous maniac currently standing only a few meters away from us.

Sending a mental apology through our bond, which caused Sidious to shuffle strangely, as if sensing the Force being used, I looked her in the eyes, and Siri refused to meet my gaze, but let out a soft sigh, understanding that this was a conversation for later.

Sidious and Dooku had already finished talking about whatever was being discussed, so I'd have to ask Qui Gon or Revan about it later. One of them –probably the latter- had surely been listening in, given the importance of knowing what the Sith's plans are.

"Master Kenobi.", Sidious greeted suddenly, looking the other way. "I should have known you'd be here. Reminiscing about your Master's death, perhaps?", he pretended to mutter, but I recognized the obvious attempt to anger me. He knew it wouldn't work, so it was only done for his own amusement.

Wanting to keep the banter up for at least a few more moments, to give myself enough time to prepare for what may end up being my last duel, I responded politely, pretending not to know who he was to avert suspicion. "And you must be Lord Sidious! Dooku has told me so much about you!", I exclaimed excitedly, hoping to annoy him.

Sidious growled in response, a feral sound befit for monsters. It was fitting in a way, for calling him a man would be an insult to all sapient life. "Tell me Master Jedi, what is it you hope to accomplish? To kill me perhaps? Or have you simply come here for a conversation of quality?", he asked, and I smirked in response.

"Oh not to worry, I despise animal cruelty. But I'll gladly take you up on that offer once you're behind bars.", I replied, the familiar banter working to calm my mind and avert my thoughts from the fact that I probably won't survive this battle.

"You wouldn't mind if I joined in right? After all I hear two sabers work better than one.", Siri exclaimed as she ignited her blade, now back to the wonderful blue it always should have been thanks to that Holocron Anakin had found in the Archives, moving to stand beside me.

Sidious didn't seem to appreciate the quip however, for he quickly moved to ignite his twin sabers, positioning them in a way that would leave marks on the floor if he were to move. "So be it, Jedi! Stand together, die together!", he shouted, and a feral scream left his mouth, making my ears ring and my mind to be clouded.

Siri was the first to snap out of this temporary daze, intercepting Sidious' blades with her own and preventing him from driving them into my heart. Sidious then jumped back, angling his sabers in a defensive position while leaving his fingers exposed to the air, and I immediately wrapped the Force around Siri and I, knowing what would happen.

A torrent of Force Lightning suddenly exploded from the Sith Lord's hands, but it was successfully absorbed by my lightsaber, even though I almost lost my grip on it due to the backlash from having to perform such a move. Siri charged him the second his barrage ended, slamming her saber onto his with such force that Sidious was left staggered, allowing me to move forwards and join her in the assault.

Everything was a blur after that. Sidious was now on the defensive, with a combined effort from Siri and I leading to him having to retreat further inwards, but this turned out to work in his favor regardless of the pressure we were putting on him. I tried jumping over him as I had done with Maul, and nearly lost my legs in the process, almost ending up like Anakin had.

The memory of my burning brother didn't hinder me as I had expected, but actually gave me an idea. Switching my grip to a one-handed variant, I used my free hand to conjure up a blast of sapphire flames and launched it at the Sith Lord, who was visibly surprised by the move.

Sidious had to jump back to avoid being hit, but said nothing after having done so, unlike the quick banter Ventress and I would have exchanged if I was fighting her. Then again, Ventress wasn't an insane maniac hell-bent on killing me, so perhaps that was for the best after all. Siri tried to charge again, but was intercepted by a blast of Force Lightning that knocked her off the platform and onto the lower levels, much like Maul's kick had me all those years ago.

Sidious took the opportunity to attack, and rushed forwards, blades scorching the platform as he did so. They seemed to follow a pattern, but I didn't have nearly enough time to decipher whatever plan the Dark Lord was following, being forced to block strike after strike, his free saber always continuing the scorch patterns as he pushed me outwards from the reactor chamber and towards the hangar.

Refusing to be shoved into a corner, I called the Force to me, ducking under one of Sidious' sabers in the blink of an eye and rushing past him, throwing my saber at him as I did so. A moment later, and he was the one being pushed back, having been hit by a massive telekinetic wave conjured by Siri, who just now climbed next to me.

Quickly helping her up, I ignored Sidious' mad cackle, along with the chills it sent down my spine. Now wasn't the time to lose my focus. Bending the Force to his will and forcing it to aid him, Sidious leaped to a platform running parallel to ours and then behind us, right in front of the entrance to very familiar generator room, whose laser gates were opening and closing with an intimately familiar rhythm. It was the room Qui Gon had died in.

The realization that he'd been luring us here all along hit me like a speeder bike, and I didn't have time to dodge when Siri called out to me, as Sidious had sent out a massive Force Push in our direction. I was suddenly in the air, and was then thrown right in the middle of the platform we'd just been fighting on, when Sidious raised one hand and clenched his fist, cackling madly.

The platform, already having taken severe damage from his blades, was crushed under the unseen pressure and I found myself falling, landing in a pile of debris in a way that certainly guaranteed at least one broken bone in my lower back. Hoping I wouldn't be stuck down here for too long, I threw the broken pieces off of me and leaped back up, ignoring the pain coming from all areas of my body. I had to stay focused, less Sidious manage to defeat Siri up there.

When I got up my eyes darted around for any sign of them, and found Siri's blond hair, now messy and filled with specks of dust, right behind a laser gate, Sidious two spaces in front of her. Rushing to the entrance, I could recall from memory when the gates would open, and dashed without even needed to see the laser dematerialize.

Siri did the same, ending up in the Generator Room with Sidious while I rushed through the hallway, hoping to get to her in time. I wasn't fast enough. For the second time in my life, the bloody gate shut itself right before I could get through, never mind my broken bones hindering me. Siri was left to fight alone, and I all I could do was prey that she'd manage to hold on until the darn thing would open up again.

Sidious' sabers continued to leave scorch marks in the ground as he threw himself around the room with the grace of a dancer, smoothly avoiding Siri's weakened attacks. In truth, now that I could observe the way he fought, we were never any danger to him. Every moment of this fight had been meticulously planned out, and the ease with which he ducked Siri's saber proved as much. Then, the unthinkable happened. Or rather, the duel ended.

Siri wasn't fast enough, and Sidious' saber slashed her across the face, leaving her to scream in agony at the burning sensation a lightsaber would always cause. She screamed out to the heavens, and a golden glow emitted from her eyes, if only for a moment.

With a clumsiness I'd never expected to see from him, Sidious threw his saber at Siri, the blade narrowly missing her head, but ending up right at her heart. My love screamed again, and I could now barely see due to the tears flowing from my eyes. Sidious stumbled back, leaving himself open just as the gate cleared the way for me, and I knew what had to be done.

My legs too weak for me to jump and plunge my saber through his neck, I blasted the bastard with as much fire as I could conjure, silently thanking Anakin for teaching me a few months back. Sidious let out a scream, taken aback by the speed with which his robes caught fire, and tripped on his feet while desperately trying to move away, the motion ending with him plummeting down the same shaft Maul had all those years ago. And just like then, I once again found myself holding a person I was deeply attached to in my arms as they breathed their final breath.

"Obi Wan…I-I will always…love…you…", Siri managed to gasp out, her voice becoming one with Satine's from when she'd died in my arms, butchered by yet another Sith I couldn't defeat. Her head and hands falling limp, the light faded from Siri's eyes, my only consolidation being that at least they were blue, and not that sickening yellow they'd emitted only moments ago.

Suddenly I felt it. I could feel the pain, both hers as she died and the agony that was burning my heart. The anger at Sidious for taking her from me, at myself for not being fast enough! The hatred towards the bastard, for he had known this would happen! And then came the suffering. The very thought of a world without Siri was torture for me, but to think that my failure was the reason for that, it was something more than agony. This, this was true suffering.

Tears streaming down my eyes now, I let out a cry of-of everything! Every emotion I'd been bottling up since the start of this whole mission, everything I knew a Jedi wasn't allowed to feel, that I had never let myself feel before, even when I had lost Satine, it all went towards this one cry of worthless denial, for there was nothing else I could do in this moment.

"Noooooooooooooooooo!"

Truly, it wouldn't help me at all. All I wanted to do was jump after the bastard Sidious and tear him apart in so many pieces that not even the whole Galaxy could find him if they had every woman, child clone, man and droid looking for him. But I couldn't do that. I wanted to…but Siri wouldn't. I knew deep down that she wouldn't want me to get lost in some meaningless quest for revenge, to lose the bright blue eyes she'd always adored looking at. No. She would hate me forever if those eyes turned yellow.

Taking a sharp breath, I quickly latched onto Qui Gon's presence in the Force, drawing Light from him to help counteract my negative emotions. I wasn't sure how long that took, but the next time I opened my eyes, someone was shouting, no, barking orders at others. It took me a few seconds to register that Cody was the one yelling, and the other people were probably either Clones or Security Staff.

Out of reflex, I waved my hand forwards, to let Cody know he could approach, and heard the laser doors all open at once, the work of some technician tampering with control panels as I'd later be told. I could feel Waxer and Boil there along with Cody and the others. Anakin was nowhere to be found, but he wouldn't do much good right now. He'd surely try to organize search parties for Sidious, but none of the men would stand a chance against him, not to mention he could just use Order 44 on them, as Anakin had told me was done to Commander Fox by Senator Burtoni.

Cody sprinted to my side the moment the gates were down, calling for a medic after seeing Siri, but I told him it was too late. He seemed to hesitate before accepting it, before kneeling down next to me and trying to help me up. I let him, too weak to do it myself after all I'd been through, and Cody then asked if I was okay. It was nice of him to worry, but I wasn't in the mood to talk, so I only spoke once, not wanting to dwell on today's events until Anakin and Qui Gon were both in the room with me. Then and only then could I let myself collapse like I wanted to do now.

"No, Cody. But I will be, someday.", I answered my friend, his concern switching to an expression of relief. Thankfully, it was no lie. I would be okay, but only when Sidious was dead. Only when knowing he'd never hurt anyone again would I be able to move past this. I knew myself well enough to understand that much. And as I was being moved to the nearest medic, I made a promise to myself.

I vowed to do as Anakin was trying to, and make peace with my inner darkness, with my failures and above all, with my losses. Sidious would only truly win if we didn't manage to resist the Dark Side's influence, and if we were to become servants to our emotions then we'd be no better than him. I would be no better, so actions had to be taken. And I knew exactly where to start from…

And…scene! There you have it everyone! Chapter 38 of A Messed Up Destiny! I hope it was worth the extra wait, but I personally like how it turned out. Now, a lot of things need further discussion here, so we'll have to move into the exposition swifter than I expected.

So without further ado…let's dive right in!

Firstly, Obi Wan's first promise. This may not be the first time Obi Wan has acknowledged his attachments to others, but it's the first time he understands that he's always been ruled by then. Every decision he's ever made has been dictated by his attachments, and he vows to never let them control him again, and to overcome them as Anakin has done, which was proven during "Dearest Family".

He also vows to make peace with his emotions and fears, meaning to accept that he isn't the perfect Jedi he's been pretending to be, something he's always been hindered by given that this example of 'perfection' is what in part alienated Anakin from him in the original timeline, and to overcome his fears, which Anakin has largely managed to accomplish and is something Obi Wan struggles with, evident in the chapters relating to Siri's capture and rescue from the Sith Phantoms.

Secondly, the duel with Sidious. I admit, this fight scene gave me a lot of grief from a writing perspective. Sidious' style of dueling is extremely hard to describe and I hope I did it justice, as well as the Force Abilities used during this battle. It was actually the sole reason this chapter had to be split in two. I just couldn't finish it in time without cutting corners during the fight.

In regards to the fight itself, Sidious fights in a similar manner as he did with Maul and Savage, only this time his familiarity with the battlefield allows him to use it to his advantage. Had Obi Wan not been a veteran of the Clone Wars and survivor of Order 66, he certainly would be dead along with Siri. Obi Wan's use of Pyrokinesis comes from a reference from a while back, where he mentions that he's also getting some lessons from Revan along with Anakin every now and again, which is actually what saves him during this fight.

I hope the duel was satisfactory and up to par with the show's actual content, because it took a lot of re-writes to get it to where it is. Alas, I'm satisfied and I hope you guys are too. Feedback on it would be great by the way, since I'm trying to improve my writing of duels and fight scenes.

Thirdly, Siri's end. I'll admit to shedding a tear as I was writing this. Unfortunately Siri had to die, and the parallels with both Qui Gon's death and Vader's rise from the operating table aren't a coincidence.

The parallels between this duel and the one in Phantom Menace are no accident. In both fights, Obi Wan is thrown off the platform his ally and opponent are on, due to a mistake while fighting. The laser gates play a massive role, because it's the same thing that prevents him from saving both Siri and Qui Gon.

Meanwhile, Obi Wan's thoughts on Siri's death, and his emotions after seeing her pass are meant to mimic Vader's thoughts after Palpatine tells him that Padme is dead, but Obi Wan manages to take the extra step and decline the Dark Side's call for vengeance.

Fourthly, Obi Wan's second promise. After their duel with the Sith Phantoms on Coruscant, Obi Wan realized that the Dark Side exists in everyone, even him. He may have managed to control himself in the end, but he had been in real danger of Falling, just as he was now when Siri was killed. In both cases, the thought of Siri not wanting such thing to occur is what deters him from embracing the Dark Side of the Force and the immense power it would offer him.

His promise to overcome this inner darkness that has begun to plague him, to accept that he can't always save everyone, something he'd always told Anakin but could never do himself when it came to those he was attached to, and to accept that loss is a natural part of life, which is something that neither Obi Wan nor Anakin ever truly understood, given the amount of times where they dwelled on the past after the rise of the Empire.

Lastly, the future. Obi Wan's final thoughts are about how he can defeat Sidious, meaning of how he can help himself and others to resist the Dark Side's call, and that centers on Anakin. While Obi Wan knows his brother won't Fall again, he also recognizes that Darth Vader's impact and influence on Anakin is still very much there, and will have to work towards helping his brother either make peace with his darker side, or to rid himself of it once and for all.

Next time: With Darth Sidious having finally made a physical appearance, the Jedi Council tasks Obi Wan with investigating the identity of the Sith Lord due to his 'familiarity' with the subject. Cody, having intercepted the message before it can reach his workaholic friend, decides to take matters into his own hands, and brings the Vode together to try and unveil the mystery behind Darth Sidious. Will the Clones succeed, or will they end up as just a few bodies in the pile of the Chancellor's victims? And what does Commander Fox have to say about this situation and this Separatist Leader's possible connection to the Inhibitor Chips of the GAR?

That's all for now everyone! Reviews are always welcome, whether it be to ask question or to chat, and I'll see you all next chapter, but until then, May the Force be with you!