Hi everyone! I hope all of you are doing well, and staying safe. And that you all enjoy this new chapter, I know a lot of you were looking forward to seeing where this goes. So I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading!
Chapter Ninety Two
"Would you all be open to the idea of fostering Caitlyn?"
"I know you all have Sofia to consider…"
"Caitlyn's a wonderful little girl, she just needs people to look out for her."
"This isn't a decision to make lightly, but with how wonderful you all were with Louie… I think this would be a perfect fit for her."
"Nothing has to be decided today, and I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, I just wasn't sure if you all would want to do something like this."
Tina's words bounced around her head as Gabby stared out the window, the woman having been lost in her own head since they left the office nearly twenty minutes ago. To say she was shocked at what had transpired from their visit to DCFS would've been an understatement, Tina's request nearly knocking her over as Gabby had been uncharacteristically quiet since then.
Back at the office, when it became clear to the DCFS agent that she had definitely taken them by surprise, Gabby having been completely silent while Matt stuttered out something about them needing to talk about it, she'd soon changed the subject, but the rest of their visit had been uncomfortable, to say the least. Gabby hadn't been able to pay attention, and Matt was barely able to form a coherent thought as well, the parents not having stayed much longer before they made a quick exit, Casey rambling something out about needing to get Sofia home as they said their goodbyes to the woman.
And since they'd left the office, neither of them had said a word to one another. Aside from one quick comment about being ready to go home, they hadn't spoken, both caught up in their own heads about what Tina had asked of them, the only sounds in the car being Sofia's incoherent babbling coming from the backseat.
With his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, Matt's eyes moved towards the rear view mirror, sparing a quick glance at his baby through the mirror they kept on the headrest of the backseat before he looked towards his wife, Casey seeing her head turned towards the window, just as it had been their entire drive, her body completely closed off to him as her eyes faced forward. And just as she was physically closed off from him, she'd mentally closed herself off as well, because for the first time in a long time, Matt had absolutely no idea what was going on in her head.
The second Tina brought up them fostering Caitlyn, Matt would be lying if he said he wasn't a little interested in the idea. From the way it sounded, it was nothing permanent; it was a little girl needing a stable home for a few weeks until she could go and be with the family who wanted to adopt her. And he knew he and Gabby could provide that stable home.
But he also knew it was nowhere near that simple, not for them. And especially not for Gabby. If their last conversation about the topic was any indication, Gabby nearly crying, telling him she couldn't, and wouldn't, adopt, he could only think she wasn't too open to this idea. That taking in a child, even just for a few weeks, was something she probably wasn't too eager to do. Not after how the situation with Louie, from her own words, nearly broke her.
And from how she'd been completely quiet ever since it was brought up, he figured she still felt the same way. That her stance on adoption, and fostering, that none of it had changed. But that was just it, was that he didn't actually know. He didn't know how she was feeling, if this was something she'd even consider, or if she'd already made up her mind. He had absolutely no idea what was going on in her head.
All he did know was that they needed to talk, and soon. But he knew it wasn't going to be an easy conversation.
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt pulled into his parking spot outside their apartment, the man putting the car in park before turning back towards Gabby, seeing her yet to make a move, like she hadn't even realized they were home. Pursing his lips together, Matt unbuckled his seatbelt before reaching out towards her, the man placing his hand gently over her thigh. His touch made her jump slightly, Gabby being abruptly pulled from her thoughts as she blinked quickly, her vision coming into focus before she began to recognize her surroundings. Swallowing the thick lump in her dry throat, she turned to look at her husband, seeing a regretful look in his eye.
"Sorry…" He apologized, Gabby shaking her head slightly before forcing a weak smile onto her face. "I just wanted you to know we were home." Matt added, watching as she gave him a nod before moving to unbuckle her seatbelt.
"Thanks." She murmured as she pushed her door open, Matt releasing a heavy sigh before following her lead and getting out of the car as well.
They made their way inside in the same silence they'd been in since leaving DCFS, Matt having gotten Sofia and her car seat out of the back while Gabby grabbed the diaper bag, the parents completing their tasks seamlessly before heading towards their apartment. Casey let her lead the way as he carried their rambunctious daughter in his arms, the young girl intrigued by her surroundings as she clung to her father, the family coming to a stop just outside their back door as Gabby slid the key into the lock.
Without a word, they walked into their home, the thick feeling in the air around them only seeming to grow as they stepped inside, Gabby waiting for Matt to walk past her before she shut the door, the woman locking it in place before turning towards her husband, finding him standing at the island in the kitchen. He adjusted the baby in his arms, Sofia continuing to babble as she grabbed onto her dad's shirt, her other hand shoved towards her mouth as she began chewing on her fist. Matt watched his wife as she stepped further into their home, Gabby coming to stand beside him as she placed the diaper bag down on the counter, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth while her eyes darted around the room, Dawson looking anywhere but the curious eyes of her husband.
"So, uh…" He started, swallowing thickly as Gabby took a slight step away from him. "About what Tina-"
"I have to be at headquarters tonight." She cut him off, blurting out the first words she could think of, even though Casey was already aware of her schedule this evening. "So I'm gonna go try and take a nap, if you don't mind watching after Sof?" She asked, Matt biting his tongue before giving her a reluctant nod.
He knew what she was doing, he knew she didn't want to talk about it yet, or couldn't talk about it, and that he was going to try and bring it up, so she was deflecting. She was doing whatever she could to not have to talk about it. And right now, he'd let her. He didn't want to upset her before she had to go into work in a few hours, so he simply nodded again, seeing the relief that flickered in her eyes before she stepped past him and began to walk towards their bedroom.
"Of course, I don't mind… Try and get some sleep, babe." He murmured, Gabby nodding quickly before continuing to their room, Matt watching her until she disappeared from sight, the woman closing the door behind her, leaving it ajar just against the frame.
Blowing out a heavy sigh, Matt looked back down towards Sofia, seeing his daughter was oblivious to the growing uneasy feeling in the air, the baby's bright blue eyes shining up at her father as a wide smile formed over her face, soft giggles escaping the young girl's lips as she locked gazes with her dad.
"Hey there, baby." He spoke softly, rubbing his hand along her back as he pushed himself away from the counter, Sofia's laughs getting louder as he began pressing soft kisses over her face. Her little hands moved up towards him, Sofia patting his face and neck as he continued kissing all over her skin, her loud laughs calming him down as he gently bounced her up and down in his arms. "Yeah, it's just you and me for a bit, Sof." He added, placing one last kiss to her head before continuing into the living room, Matt content to spend time with his daughter while Gabby caught up on some rest.
Dawson walked through the hallway of their apartment complex, the woman taking in her familiar surroundings for what would soon be one of the last times as she blew out a heavy and tired sigh, Gabby making quick work of the lock on the door, turning the deadbolt before pushing her way inside, the woman unable to see much from her position in the entryway. Closing the door behind her, she stepped further inside, discarding her keys and her purse on the small table against the wall and kicking off her shoes before padding her way into the empty living room. The TV was on, playing the usual cartoons meant for their daughter, and there was a definite mess left from the time Matt and Sofia had spent together in their home this evening, but her family was nowhere in sight, Gabby brushing some loose hair behind her ear as she came to a stop behind the couch.
Glancing towards the clock on the wall, Gabby saw it was about half past eight, the paramedic having been gone longer than she planned, her night spent working at headquarters having gotten away from her. Seeing as it was well past their daughter's bedtime, Gabby knew Sofia would've been fast asleep already, the mom deciding to go and check on her before going to her own bedroom, where she figured Matt was. But as she got closer to Sofia's room, she could hear Matt's voice coming from what sounded like the bathroom, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing as she rounded the corner and stopped in front of the open doorway to the small room. Leaning her body weight into the door frame, her face softened when she saw her husband resting on the floor in front of the bathtub, their daughter sitting in the shallow water, her usually curly hair flattened down by the water as she enjoyed her bath.
Standing there quietly, Dawson took a moment to look at her family, Matt not having yet noticed her presence in the doorway as he was focused on their daughter, the man talking to Sofia while she played with her toys. Clearly, the actual bath portion was over, Matt just letting her play around in the water a little bit before it was time to get out, Sofia's little hands smacking the top of the water, her loud laughs bringing a soft smile to Gabby's face as she focused on her daughter's excitement. Sofia's joyous laughs continued as she kept smacking the water, the little girl finding amusement in getting her father wet as Gabby saw the front of Matt's shirt getting more and more damp, the dad shaking his head as he grabbed the cup that was sitting on the edge of the tub, Matt dunking it under the water before pouring it gently down their daughter's back in an effort to make sure she didn't get too cold.
"That's not nice, Sof." He chastised gently, but he was unable to hide the laughter in his tone as Sofia reached out towards him, her wet hands grabbing his cheeks as he'd leaned forward over the tub, Matt huffing out a breath as he carefully pulled himself from her grip, the baby swatting at his face while she continued to laugh. "Yeah, yeah- okay, it's way past your bedtime." He continued speaking to his daughter, Gabby shaking her head slightly before pushing herself up to stand up straight, the movement catching Casey's attention.
The second he saw her, a soft smile formed over his face, Matt only keeping his eyes on her for a moment before returning them to Sofia, the father wanting to make sure she was still alright while she sat in the water.
"Hey baby." He greeted, Gabby walking further into the bathroom, stopping to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head before sitting down on top of the closed toilet seat, Sofia nearly screaming in excitement when she saw her mom.
"Hi." She murmured in response, her hands resting in her lap as she sat behind Matt, the man shifting into a position where he could keep an eye on Sofia but also see his wife.
"How was work?" He asked, his arm resting over the side of the tub as Sofia was playing with his hand, the baby having gotten distracted from the fact that her mom was home as she'd taken to dunking her father's hand in and out of the water, Sofia clearly having a blast with the game she'd created.
"It was alright… long, but alright." She replied, gnawing on her bottom lip as her eyes flashed between her husband and her daughter. "Why is Sof still up?" Gabby questioned, her words immediately bringing a sheepish look to Matt's face, Dawson raising her eyebrows as he glanced back towards their daughter.
"Yeah, well… Sof here took a little unexpected nap right before dinner. A little half hour power nap." He explained, Gabby nodding in understanding as a slight grin tugged at her lips. "So we got a little messed up with that, but I'm sure once she gets into some pajamas and we give her the bottle, she'll be ready for bed."
"Probably, yeah." Gabby responded, Matt taking the opportunity to pour some more water along Sofia's back and her chest while she continued to play.
"I was just about to get her out, we've been in here for awhile." He continued before perching himself up on his shins. "So everything went alright at headquarters?"
"Yeah, yeah, things were good." She replied as Matt pulled the plug on the drain, knowing Sofia was always fascinated by the water leaving the tub. "They want me to go back to 126 for one more shift, but they said they were happy with how things have been going there… And Megan said that James has been a lot happier after work, so that's something at least." She told him, Matt nodding before reaching for Sofia's towel, the father lifting his daughter out of the tub and wrapping her up in the fluffy material. "Which, speaking of, I guess we need to try and figure that out… a day where we can all get together."
"Yeah, we do." He agreed, Matt securing Sofia in his grasp before pushing himself up off the ground, Gabby mimicking his action as she stood up as well. "With the move and everything, I'm not sure when we can, but hopefully sometime here soon we can find some time." Casey added, Gabby giving him a nod in agreement as they stood next to one another, the air around them slowly turning thick as Matt stared at her. "I'm, uh- I'm gonna go get her ready for bed, and get her down… but I think once she's asleep, it'd be a good time for us to talk…" He prefaced gently, Gabby swallowing thickly as her gaze moved down towards his chest. "That visit with Tina today, and about Caitlyn… there's some stuff we need to figure out."
Gabby knew this was coming, she'd been expecting it from the moment she left headquarters. They'd spent the entire day skirting around the subject, and she knew Matt wouldn't let her do that any longer. She'd barely seen him, or Sofia, before she went into work, but the moments they were together, she'd made sure to keep their conversations light and far away from the topic of what happened today. And, thankfully, Matt hadn't pushed her to talk about it then. But clearly, he wasn't going to let that go on any longer. They needed to talk about it, and they couldn't put it off another day.
Drawing in a slow breath, Gabby nodded before lifting her head back up to meet his soft gaze, Matt flashing her a warm smile as he saw the hesitation in her eyes. "Yeah… Yeah, I know we need to talk." She murmured, Matt nodding before he leaned forward to press a soft kiss to her head.
"I'll take care of Sof, then I'll meet you out there." He spoke, though his words sounded more like a question, Casey waiting for any sign of affirmation from her before leaving, which he soon got.
"Okay." She replied, Matt giving her one last nod before he left the bathroom, the two going their separate ways as they wound down for the evening.
In the forty minutes that it took to Matt to get Sofia down, Gabby had changed into her pajamas, gotten the kitchen cleaned up from their daughter's dinner, and gotten the living room straightened up a bit, Gabby having put away Sofia's toys back where they belonged while she had the time. And when Matt finally emerged from their daughter's room, Gabby was waiting for him on the couch, the TV turned down to a low volume as she sat curled up on the furniture, her mind a thousand miles away as he walked towards her. He could tell she hadn't noticed him come in at first, it taking a few seconds longer than normal for her to react to his presence as she turned back to look at him, Gabby immediately giving him a weak smile.
"Is she down?" Gabby asked, Matt nodding in response before walking around to the front of the couch, the father placing the baby monitor down on the coffee table as he sat down beside his wife, leaving a few inches of space in between them.
"She is… she's out like a light. I didn't even get all the way through our story before she fell asleep."
"Well, it's pretty late for her… Hopefully this means she'll sleep through the night." Gabby responded, her words earning an agreeing nod from her husband as he settled back into the couch, the tides in the air turning as he adjusted himself slightly to get a better view of her.
"Yeah, I hope so." He spoke, the words falling from his mouth before he ran his tongue along his bottom lip, Matt watching as his wife clenched her hands together in her lap, the telltale sign of her nervousness causing him to reach out to place his arm along the back of the couch, his hand gently scratching her shoulder before she looked up at him. "So, uh… I don't really know where to even start with this whole thing." He breathed out, Gabby biting down on the inside of her lip before nodding, silently telling him to continue. "What Tina's asking us to do… I didn't see that coming. At all. I'd just been wondering if that girl- Caitlyn, if she was okay. I didn't think it would lead to all of this." He said honestly, rubbing his hand along her back as he did his best to let Gabby know how he was feeling. "And when she first brought it up, I was definitely shocked… I know you are, too," Gabby gave him an immediate nod as soon as those words left his lips, her reaction earning a sympathetic look from her husband before he continued. "But… I dunno, the more time I've had to think about it, the more I keep thinking that this could be a good thing for us. But I wanna know what you're thinking, and where your head's at… This is a big decision, and you haven't really said much since we left DCFS…" He trailed off, Gabby pursing her lips together as she took a slow breath, Matt going silent as he gave her some time to gather her thoughts, his wife remaining quiet for well over a minute before she spoke up.
"I, uh… I honestly don't know." She breathed out truthfully, Matt nodding in understanding as she looked up at him. "The whole fostering thing… adopting. I just… whenever that gets brought up, I immediately go back to Louie, and how that felt, having our son taken away from us and I just- that killed me..." She told him, Matt squeezing her shoulder supportively. "I know this Caitlyn thing wouldn't be the same as that, but I know us… We're gonna fall in love with that little girl, Matt." A knowing look immediately covered his face, Gabby stopping to take a breath as her leg began to bounce up and down. "And even though I know what the situation is going into it, there's no way it won't be hard when it's time for her to leave… So I just really don't know what to do here."
Casey paused for a moment, the man thinking over her words as he ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek, Gabby forcing herself to meet his eyes, the woman unable to read the look on his face.
"Is this…" He started, Matt drawing in a deep breath before continuing. "Is this something you'd consider at all? Fostering Caitlyn..." He questioned, their eyes locked on one another as Gabby bit down roughly on her bottom lip, the husband giving her a few moments to respond.
But when Gabby had yet to say anything, Matt angled himself to face her completely, the man reaching for her hands that were sitting in her lap, holding them tightly in his own as she looked up at him.
"Where's your head at?" He asked her, Gabby blinking quickly for a few moments as she laced her fingers through his, the woman's eyes closing momentarily as she tried to gather her thoughts before she spoke up.
"I… I heard your conversation with Severide, when he was over here last week." She started, Matt's eyebrows furrowing as he tried to remember what all they'd spoken about. "How you were wanting to adopt." She continued, watching as realization spread across his face, Matt taking a slow, deep breath before nodding. "And right then, I knew we needed to talk, but I hadn't brought it up yet because I wasn't expecting all this…" She murmured, Gabby's teeth running along her bottom lip as she looked down to their conjoined hands, Matt giving hers a firm squeeze. "We were waiting until Sofia was older, so I didn't think it was something that we needed to figure out right this second, and then today with Tina just… I wasn't expecting this to come up so soon."
"I know… me neither." He told her, Gabby giving him a nod before lifting her head. "And that conversation with Severide, I didn't realize you'd heard me… It's not like it's anything I'm trying to hide, but it's how I feel." Matt continued, Gabby swallowing the thick lump that was forming in the back of her throat. "I know we never really talked about it… Back before you left, when we first found out about that aneurysm, we never really had a chance to actually sit down and talk about it… I know then, you were completely against adoption. And then once you were back, and we decided to start finding a way to start our family, we never were able to sit down and talk about it because we found out you were pregnant with Sof. Then we said how we'd wait until she was older before having more kids, so we never really have talked about it… But, yeah, at some point, I'd love to adopt a kid, Gabby… To give a child a safe and stable home. To completely change their life, like we did for Louie… I'd love to do that again." He spoke carefully, Gabby's demeanor not giving much away as he took another breath. "And I know when all that first started, when you were trying to take in Louie, I was hesitant. But that time we had with him, those were some of the best months of our lives… And I know nothing, or no child, can replace him or what we lost, but I think adopting could be a good option for us, when the time comes… It's something I'd at least like to consider, but I know this is something we have to decide together." He trailed off, Gabby wincing slightly as the air around them became heavy, his words lingering as she tried to figure out what to say to him. But when minutes passed and she had yet to respond, he continued speaking, Matt wanting to get everything out there.
"And I know we're still not there yet. We're not trying to have another kid right now, so it's nothing we have to decide tonight, or even in the next week, or months. Us deciding how to expand our family, that's not what this is… This is just a child needing our help. Like we helped Bria…"
"Bria wasn't five years old." Gabby interjected quietly, Matt pursing his lips together before nodding, the man sensing her obvious hesitation.
"I know, I know it's not exactly the same… But I really think we could help this girl, and truthfully, I think she could help us, too." He responded, seeing the confusion that immediately covered his wife's face as her head tilted to the side, Gabby silently telling him to continue. "Obviously, kids aren't trial runs… That's not fair to Caitlyn, and I'd never look at a child like that. But it's clear she needs somewhere safe to life until all this paperwork gets sorted out. I know Tina couldn't say for sure, but I think you and I both know Caitlyn didn't fall down those stairs…" He told her, Gabby wincing slightly before giving him a nod, both parents hating the idea of a child being hurt. "She needs a secure place to live, with people who will look out for her, and take care of her. People who only want what's best for her… And even though it might only be a few weeks, we could still be those people for her. And this could also give us the chance to see how it would be, having another child in the house with Sofia… An older child, if that's the route we decide to take." He spoke softly, seeing Gabby's eyes on him as she took a long, slow breath. "If we decide to do this, we could go and meet Caitlyn… let her and Sof spend some time together and see how that goes. I mean, you heard Tina today, she just kept talking about how great a kid Caitlyn is, she just needs people to look out for her."
The more Matt continued to talk, the more Gabby could sense his excitement about the possibility of Caitlyn coming to stay with them for however long. And she'd be lying if she said his eagerness didn't cause her heart to clench in her chest, Gabby recognizing that look in his eye.
He wanted to do this. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this wasn't something he absolutely wanted, was for them to bring Caitlyn into their home and take care of her. And seeing how ready and excited he was had left her on edge, Gabby nowhere close to a decision one way or the other about what they should do.
"I really think doing this, it would be beneficial to all of us… But Caitlyn especially. We both know if she were here, we'd do everything in our power to keep her safe, and protected. To make sure she feels loved while she waits to be able to go with her family… We know she's going to a great home, and we would get to be a part of that. But I do know you have a point, there's no way we won't get attached to that little girl, but we know the situation going into it. We're not trying to adopt her, we're just trying to help her." He breathed out, his mouth moving faster than his head as he continued talking, Matt not knowing what else to do as she had yet to say anything. "Giving Caitlyn a home, a place where she can feel safe, even if just for awhile… There's no telling how much that could help her. I know we both remember how much that had damaged Louie, him getting bounced around from place to place before we got him." Matt said, Gabby's eyes falling closed as her head turned down towards their hands, missing the look of sadness that flashed in his eyes. "...It was awful, and the thought of that happening to another kid just-"
Matt cut himself off, his abrupt silence causing her to lift her head back up as she saw the pained look in his eyes, Gabby giving his hands a reassuring squeeze.
"...I know this isn't the same thing as Louie. For a lot of reasons. Caitlyn has a family who wants her, who's waiting for her, who loves her, but she's still being bounced around until then. And if we could help her, even just for a few weeks… I think that would be good for all of us." He spoke, a soft smile forming over his face, but it wasn't there long, Matt running his tongue along his bottom lip before he straightened his back. "But this isn't just up to me…" He finished, Gabby biting down roughly on the inside of her cheek for a few seconds before she spoke up.
"I… I get where you're coming from, I do. I just don't know if it's the right time for us to be doing this." She told him, seeing his face fall slightly. "I mean, we're trying to move, and I'm all over the place at different houses and at headquarters for work. Then there's Sofia, and making sure she's okay. And there's Becca, too… I mean, this would fall on her, as well. She'd be going from one baby, to a baby and a five year old. And Tina's talking about how she needs stability, which I know she does, but I don't know if that's something we could give her right now."
"I think we could." He responded as soon as she'd finished, Gabby tucking her bottom lip between her teeth as Matt gave her a reassuring nod. "Just because all those things are happening, that doesn't mean we couldn't provide her stability… I mean, nothing's any worse for Sof because of those things." He added, seeing a flash of realization show in her eyes. "I'm not trying to say those aren't real concerns, because they are. But Tina knows about all of that… She knows how much we work, and that we're moving, and she still was wanting us to do this. I know moving can be stressful, but here in a week we'll have so much space. I mean, if we do this, we'd be able to give Caitlyn her own room and everything…" He spoke with a chuckle, Gabby ducking her head before he continued. "I know those are all important things to consider, and Sof especially… she's our main priority here. Which is why I think it would be good to just start with a visit first, and see how that goes before we agree to anything, but we haven't gotten that far yet, because I still don't know if this is something you'd consider doing… But I feel like you don't want to do this." Matt breathed out, Gabby avoiding his gaze as she carefully pulled her hands back from his, crossing her arms over her chest protectively.
"I…" She started, but she wasn't sure where she was going with her sentence as she shook her head, Matt waiting for a moment to let her try and gather her thoughts. But the silence had become deafening, Gabby having yet to say anything as Matt could hear his heart thumping in his chest, the man sighing softly before speaking up again.
"Baby, if you really don't want to do this, we won't." He told her, Gabby lifting her head up to look at him. "This isn't something I can decide for us, and I don't want to do it if you're not on board… You already know how I feel, I think it's worth considering, but I won't sit here and try and talk you into doing this if you don't want to, or you feel like you can't." He said honestly, the two never dropping their gazes. "We can't do this if you're not up to it, that's not fair to you, or to Caitlyn… or to anyone. But this is something I wanna do." Matt admitted, Gabby's eyes falling closed for a split second as his words washed over her. "I at least want to look into it more, see how her and Sofia get along and if we'd be a good fit for her… But I need to know where you're at."
A thick silence filled the air as Matt waited for her to respond, Gabby looking everywhere but him as she tried to figure out what to say to him, the woman grimacing slightly before she met his gaze, knowing he wasn't going to like the next words that came out of her mouth.
"...I don't know if this is something I want."
She forced herself to look at him as she spoke, Gabby seeing the exact moment he registered what she said, the unmistakable look of disappointment shining back at her before he could mask it. As they sat here, her words hanging heavily in the air, she couldn't help but flash back to over four years ago, when they'd sat in this very spot and she'd asked him about Louie. About them taking him in, and she remembered clearly how disappointed she'd felt that day. How upset she'd been when Matt didn't want the same things as her.
And now she was seeing the same disappointment shining back at her.
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt nodded, the man pulling away from her slightly as he leaned back against the arm of the couch, his gaze focused off towards the TV as he tried his best to conceal just how upset her words had made him.
"I'm sorry." Gabby continued when he had yet to say anything, Matt looking back towards her as he met her eyes. "...I wish I was as sure as you are about this, but I'm not. I just… I don't know. I know everything you're saying makes sense, but I still-" She cut herself off, shaking her head slightly before continuing. "I need some time to think. Which I know I don't have much time, but I need- I need a minute. To think about all this"
Slowly, Matt nodded, the man shifting in his seat as he moved towards the edge of the couch, Gabby watching his every move as he glanced back towards her.
"Okay." He murmured, Gabby seeing a look she couldn't read flash in his eyes. "Take some time, think about it… I know this is a big decision."
Gabby gave him a nod just as he stood up from the couch, the woman shifting towards the edge as well as he looked down towards her.
"...Are you mad?"
The second those words left her lips, his face softened, Matt immediately shaking his head before leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "Of course not, baby." He spoke against her skin, Matt kissing her again before he pulled back, holding his hand out for her to take as she stood up. "I'm not mad at you, and whatever you decide, I won't be mad, either." He promised her, Matt giving her a warm smile. "And we don't need to talk about it anymore tonight… This just got sprung on us today, you take whatever time you need, okay? But it's getting late, we should probably go to bed." He spoke, Gabby nodding in agreement before he turned towards their bedroom, the wife keeping a firm grip on his hand as he led them through the apartment, neither of them able to shake the uneasy feeling that had settled in the air around them from knowing that for the first time in a long time, they weren't on the same page.
"Dawson."
Gabby's eyes stayed focused on the plate down in front of her, her mind elsewhere as she tuned out the chatter that had been going on around her all morning, her name having to be said a second time before she'd snapped out of her haze.
"Dawson!"
Gabby flinched in her seat slightly, the woman clearly startled as she looked towards the sound of her name, seeing James' worried gaze on her before her eyes bounced around the common room, all members of 126 staring at her as she looked back to the PIC.
"Sorry, what'd you say?" She asked, hearing a few snickers from the men around her.
Though she'd been at 126 for over a week and a half, things between her and the firefighters hadn't changed much. None of the men necessarily liked her, and they surely didn't respect her, Gabby having accepted that much by her second shift here, Dawson just keeping to focusing her attention on the ambo and how she could help there. But for as difficult as the firefighters had continued to be, Gabby was happy to know that Edwards had slowly come around. It wasn't easy, and the man was definitely still stubborn, but he'd at least accepted the situation. He wasn't fighting rank anymore, and ambo 96 seemed to be running smoother than it ever had, Gabby feeling confident that she could serve out her last shift here today, and they'd be fine once she left.
"I was saying that after our next call, we're gonna need to stop and fill up the rig." He repeated what he must've tried to tell her moments prior, Gabby giving him a nod before returning her attention to her lunch.
"Sounds good." She responded, flashing him a weak smile before picking up her sandwich, the paramedic beginning to tune out the noise around her once more, but she wasn't able to as James spoke up again.
"So, I was talking with Megan, and she was hoping that maybe sometime this weekend, you and Matt would be able to come by for lunch?" James spoke up, Gabby returning her focus to him as he took a sip of his water. "I hadn't even meant for it to take this long for us to all get together, but I know we've both been busy… Though I think Megan might kill me if I don't get something done about that porch soon." He added with a laugh, Dawson giving him a soft smile.
"Uh, yeah- I'm sure that's fine. I'll have to check with Matt." She replied, James' eyebrows furrowing slightly. "We were just talking about you all, and about how excited we are to get together… I think it'll be good."
"Me too." He responded, keeping his eyes on his new friend as her head turned down towards the table, the man sensing she wasn't all there.
He noticed she'd been like this since the beginning of shift, that something was clearly on her mind when she came in this morning, and whatever that was hadn't seemed to go away. If anything, it was only distracting her more as the day went on. And James had to admit, he was a little worried.
Though she hadn't been here long, he and Gabby had formed quite a close bond, the two becoming fast friends as they spent their days on shift together. It had been a nice change of pace for him, not only having a friend who understood his work life, but one that understood his home life as well. They had formed an easy friendship during her days here at 126, so seeing her now so clearly not like herself was a little concerning, James clearing his throat before speaking up again, the man making sure to keep his voice low.
"Are uh… are you alright, Dawson?" He questioned, Gabby turning back towards him before nodding quickly.
"Yeah, yeah… I'm good." She responded, knowing the topic weighing on her mind wasn't something she necessarily wanted to get into. "Just a little exhausted, but everything's fine." She assured him, James giving her a nod before going back to his lunch, Gabby's own thoughts moving back to what had been keeping her so occupied all day.
She hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, not since her and Matt's talk the night before last, Gabby's mind having been completely consumed by Caitlyn and what her husband was wanting to do. It's like it had taken over her every thought recently, and while she felt like she was slowly coming around to the idea, she still wasn't completely convinced, Gabby unable to shake the lingering fear and pain she felt whenever the topic of fostering and adoption even came up. But she was trying. Because she knew that Matt had a point.
This wasn't like before. This wasn't like what happened with Louie, and even though them deciding to foster Caitlyn might lead them back down that familiar road that had ended in them losing their son, Gabby knew this particular situation wasn't that. All logic told her that if this was like anything they'd experienced before, it was more so how they'd helped Bria, just as Matt had said. They hadn't been trying to raise Bria, they weren't wanting to be her parents. They were just there when she needed them, and that's what Matt was wanting to do for Caitlyn.
And there was a small part of her that was coming to realize that's what she wanted, too.
But it didn't make her any less scared of getting her heart broken all over again.
Severide marched his way through the bunk room, two cigars in hand as he headed for his destination, the Lieutenant seeing the man he was looking for hunched over his desk, his head buried in paperwork just as it had been all day.
The second Casey had come into shift this morning, everyone noticed the uneasy feeling that had seemed to be following the Captain around. And that had continued throughout the beginning of shift, Matt having been holed up in his office unless there was a call. Everyone knew something was a little off with him, but even though many different members of 51 had asked him about it throughout the day, he'd given the same answer every time; that he was fine.
But Severide knew there was more to it, and he knew the best way to get it out of him was to take him outside with a few cigars, and let him slowly open up.
When he got to the office, Kelly pulled the door open, the man tapping on the frame as Casey turned towards the noise.
"Hey Sev." He greeted, Kelly giving him a nod. "What's up?"
"Figured you could use this." He replied with a shrug, holding up the cigars in his hands before nodding out of his office.
Huffing out a heavy breath, Matt nodded in agreement before pushing himself up from his chair, the Captain following his friend out of his office and out through the firehouse, neither of them saying a word as they made their way to the garage.
Severide came to a stop at the front of the rig, the garage doors wide open as the warm summer air blew through the apparatus floor, Kelly sitting down on the front bumper of the rig, gesturing for Casey to do the same. The next few minutes went by in silence, Severide lighting both their cigars before they each took a few puffs, neither of them saying a word as they stared out the long driveway, Kelly sparing glances at his friend every few moments.
"So, you wanna tell me what's going on?" Severide finally spoke up, knowing that with as much time that had passed since they got out here, Matt was gonna need a bit of prompting before talking about whatever was weighing down his mind.
"Tina asked Gabby and I to foster a little girl."
Kelly's eyes widened the second he registered Casey's words, the Lieutenant whipping his head towards his friend as his surprise was written across his face.
"Yeah, I was just as shocked as you…" He breathed out.
"I… what?" He stuttered out, Matt simply giving him a nod, knowing Kelly needed a few seconds to gather his thoughts. "Okay, back up… I feel like I'm missing something here. Tina wants you and Dawson to foster a kid?"
"Yeah… Gabby and I went to visit her, and she brought it up then." Matt replied, seeing the expectant look that covered his friend's face, Severide clearly wanting more information. "That little girl I told you she was at the hospital to see, Caitlyn is her name… She's five years old. I guess she's waiting to be adopted, but they're working through a mess of paperwork, and she just keeps getting bounced around from place to place while her adoptive parents get through all the red tape. They had her in a house, one Tina thought would work, but… no one knows the whole story, but Caitlyn ended up either falling, or being pushed, down the stairs."
"Jesus…" Severide breathed out, Matt giving him a knowing look.
"Yeah, it's not good. And Tina's been trying to find somewhere for her, and I guess her seeing us at the hospital… She'd been thinking of us, and wanted to know if it was something Gabby and I would wanna do."
"Is it?" He questioned quickly, his words gaining Casey's attention. "Are you and Dawson gonna do it?"
Without saying a word, Matt shook his head before shrugging slightly, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing as he brought his cigar back up to his lips.
"Why not? Last we talked about it, you were all ready to go and pick a kid to take home." Severide responded, Matt stifling an eye roll as he shook his head. "I mean, unless…" He trailed off, realization covering his face as Casey released a soft sigh. "Dawson."
"Yeah." He replied softly, Matt blowing the smoke out of his mouth before continuing. "We talked about it, I told her how I felt about adoption, how it was something I'd like to consider, but that's not even what this Caitlyn thing is… She wouldn't be ours. But I told her how I wanted to do this, how I'd like to foster Caitlyn until she can be with her family, but Gabby, she… she said she needed time to think about it, but I don't see her coming around to the idea. She seemed pretty against it."
"...Because of Louie?" Kelly asked, Matt pausing for a moment before nodding.
"Yeah, I think so… The Louie thing, that… that destroyed her, and she's terrified of it happening again. She's afraid of getting attached… Of loving a child only for them to be taken away. She's scared, and honestly I don't blame her… Though, I-" He cut himself off, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing as he waited for Matt to finish his thought, but he never did.
"What?" He pressed, Matt bringing his hand up to press against his temple as he released a heavy sigh, the Captain shaking his head slightly.
"There's a part of me that's having a hard time understanding it… Why she's so hesitant." He admitted, confusion flooding Severide's features as Matt continued. "And I don't mean the adoption thing, I completely understand that. Part of me feels the same way she does, about adopting a kid just for something to happen and we could lose them… It's impossible not to think about that after what happened with Louie… But this? We wouldn't be adopting Caitlyn. We know that going into it. And I guess I don't understand why with Louie, and with Bria, she was so eager to jump in and try and help, but now she can't." He breathed out, Severide hearing the frustration and confusion in his tone as Matt roughly shook his head. "But I also know that's not really fair to her… We had no idea what was gonna happen with Louie when she started all this, and Bria… Bria wasn't a little kid. These situations aren't the same… and honestly, Gabby isn't exactly the same either." Matt spoke, a slight frown tugging on Severide's lips as Casey shook his head. "But, uh, yeah- she's just… she's scared. She's gonna think about it, but if she doesn't think this is something she can do, or wants to do, I can't make her. I won't make her."
Kelly blew out a heavy breath as Casey finished talking, neither of them saying anything for a few moments as a heavy feeling settled in the air around them, Severide doing what he could to take in all the information he'd just been given while Matt continued puffing on his cigar.
"I, uh- I'm sorry, man." Severide eventually spoke up, Matt shaking his head before shrugging slightly.
"It's okay, it's not a big deal, really… I just- I don't know, I can't even explain why I feel so attached to this idea already, but I do. And I know Gabby doesn't really understand, either, which I can't blame her for… In the past, I know I was always a little hesitant when she'd jump head on into things with kids. I needed time, like she does right now… But, I don't know, ever since Sofia, I just- I can't not help this kid, Sev…"
"You sound like Dawson four years ago." Kelly cut in, Matt chuckling dryly before shaking his head.
"Yeah, I guess I do… We have kind of flipped roles here, but I can't help it. I haven't even met the kid, and I just feel like this is something we need to do… Gabby and I can help her, and I feel like we need to. But I won't force Gabby into it."
Severide gave him another nod, the men falling back into that familiar silence for a few moments as they focused on their cigars, Matt's gaze held forward as he rested his back against the firetruck.
"...Yanno, maybe Dawson will decide she wants to." Severide said after a couple minutes, Matt glancing towards him. "You said she was still thinking about it, maybe she'll end up where you are… I mean, this is Dawson. She loves helping people, kids especially. And maybe once the initial shock of all this has time to wear off, she'll decide she wants to foster Caitlyn."
"Yeah, maybe…" Casey responded, pursing his lips together just as the bells went off, the men listening as all companies were called to a house fire, Matt and Kelly pushing themselves up off the rig before moving to discard of their cigars, the firefighters putting their conversation on hold so they could go and help the citizens of Chicago.
"Hey, there you are."
Matt spoke gently as he greeted his wife, Gabby stepping into the living room as she'd just gotten home from shift, the woman smiling softly as she saw her husband sitting on the floor with their baby while she was crawling around.
"I was gonna call you here soon, I wasn't sure where you were." He continued, Gabby's eyes moving towards the clock on the wall, seeing it was nearly an hour after they both had gotten off shift from their houses.
"Yeah, sorry about that… I didn't realize how late it was." She murmured, Gabby placing her bag down on the ground before walking towards her family and sitting down on the coffee table, Matt looking up at her with a soft grin resting over his face.
"It's fine, I wasn't sure if maybe you'd gotten stuck out on a call, but I'm glad you're home… Sof and I missed you." He told her, Gabby unable to fight off the smile that formed over her face.
"I missed you guys, too." She replied, Matt giving her a nod before looking back down to their baby, the father needing to make sure she wasn't getting into anything she shouldn't.
"So, was it a call?" He questioned, Gabby raising her eyebrows as he quickly glanced towards her again. "You guys get caught up at the hospital or something?"
"Oh, no, uh- I got off shift on time." She replied, her answer piquing his interest as he waited for her to elaborate. "I was here, actually… I was out in my car on the phone… With Tina."
She saw a rush of different emotions flood his features, Matt sighing softly before shaking his head. "Baby…"
"I asked her more about what this would all be." She continued before he could, Matt meeting her eyes as Gabby placed her clasped hands down in her lap. "I had questions, and since I wasn't really in the right mindset to ask her all this stuff the other day, I decided to call her." She breathed out, Matt hanging on her every word as her tongue poked out between her teeth, Gabby wetting her lips before continuing. "I, uh… I spent all day yesterday thinking about this… About what this would mean for us, and for Sof, and how it would change things, at least for a little while… But I also thought about what this could do for us, how you said this could help us." She told him, Matt's head tilting to the side slightly. "I'm still a little scared, I can't lie and say I'm not, but this isn't the same thing as with Louie. And I don't know how I feel about adoption yet… if that's something I could do later on, but this… you might be right, I think it could be good for us to at least see."
Matt paused for a moment after she finished, the man needing a second to process what she was saying, before he shook his head slightly, Gabby's eyebrows furrowing as she waited for him to respond.
"Gabby, I don't want you doing this for me." He spoke softly, her face softening slightly. "Back when you told me I shouldn't decide to try and foster Louie for the wrong reasons, I don't want you doing that now… For however long she'd be with us, I don't want to do this if it's not what you want. You don't need to do this for me, I promise-"
"I'm doing it for us." She cut in, Matt closing his mouth before taking a slow, deep breath. "I've thought a lot about this, and everything you said, about what this could do for us, and for Caitlyn… you were right. We can help her, and we should help her…" She continued, a bright smile forming over her husband's face as she leaned forward slightly, her eyes bouncing between Matt and Sofia before she spoke up again.
"So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm in."