(i)
Cedric watched the shadows his gnawed fingers made as he ran them over his pale yellow blankets. His bed covers were very clean this morning, as they'd been changed the evening before. They felt different to his skin than the ones he'd had on before, that had been sweated into and drooled on for at least two weeks. These felt strangely cool against his skin. He watched as the faint February sunlight made illuminated his fingers, making the edges of his flesh a brighter pink than usual.
These hands gave Harry Potter a hand job, Cedric thought, and grinned to himself.
He glanced at the piles of homework littered around his bed, and couldn't bring himself to open them, although he needed to catch up. Instead he climbed over them and decided to scavenge some late breakfast. His clock read half past eleven, and the house elves usually cleared away the tables in the great hell at about ten.
There was already a small gaggle of Hufflepuffs standing in the kitchen, chatting merrily and eating sandwiches. Cedric choose one with meat paste and watercress and wandered aimlessly down the corridor. He felt finally rested, after the sleepless weeks before the test, but his brain seemed to have switched down a gear. It only wanted to focus on Harry and food.
He wandered outside at last, thinking vaguely of doing some flying, but not quite sure he had the energy. As he turned towards the greenhouses, his father's eagle owl swooped down onto his shoulder. He held out his leg insistently and fluttered his wings impatiently as Cedric untied the letter.
"Sorry I wasn't at breakfast, Eros," Cedric said, trying to placate, and went to stroke the bird's downy chest feathers. He earned himself a sharp rap of beak across his knuckles before Eros flew away. He made straight for the Owlery.
Cedric sighed softly, and stuffed the letter into his pocket, trying to ignore it. After a few minute's wander, he decided that this wouldn't work, and gloomily dug the letter out. The grass was hard with frost, so he leant against a post at the side of a greenhouse. Its blue paint was curling up and flecking off, revealing a bright red underneath.
It wasn't as if there was ever anything bad in the letters, Cedric thought, not really. He forced himself to open the seal.
We're very proud of you, son. You've proved yourself a credit to the family once again. I'm sorry I didn't get to see your victory (particularly over that presumptuous Potter lad!) but I'm sure you don't want an old fart like me embarrassing you in front of your all friends. How is Cho Chang after her incident underwater? I heard you and she were quite the stars of the Yule Ball. I'm sure she's delighted at being so important to you!
It continued for several paragraphs in that ilk. Cedric read the last line I'm so glad you've changed your ways, son several times before scrunching up the letter. It was as close as his father ever came to mentioning his homosexuality, and it stung all the more for it. He was about to throw the letter away, but, afraid someone might see it, he stuffed it into his pocket instead.
Changed your ways, changed your ways, the phrase rang through his skull. Paragraphs of gushing pride were reduced to nothing by the words. He chewed at his raw hands before forcing himself to stuff them back into his pockets.
He wasn't sure where to turn now. It was too cold to spend much time standing outside, and he no longer felt like messing with his broom. He walked back towards the castle.
"Cedric…" He heard, softly, behind him. He turned quickly, hoping it was Harry.
It was Cho. "Cedric, hi," she said softly, giving a little giggle.
"Cho," he said. She was the last person he wanted to talk to.
"I've been … looking for you since yesterday. I just, um, wanted to thank you. For, you know…"
"It's okay," Cedric said. He coughed. "All part of the job, eh?"
"Yeah…"
He was about to turn away, forcing a smile towards Cho, but she spoke again.
"Um, Cedric?"
"Yes?"
"There's a Hogsmeade weekend. Soon. You know?"
"Yes," Cedric said, shifting his weight uncomfortably.
"Would you like to come with me?"
"Sorry, Cho, I think I have other plans," he said, thinking of Harry. I'm so glad you've changed your ways his father's voice said in his head.
Cho's face turned slightly pink. "But I thought I was the thing you'd miss most?"
"Cho," Cedric said, softly. "I…" He paused, biting his lips. Could it hurt?
"You're right, Cho. I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you," he said.
"Would you?"
"Yes," he forced another smile. He could write this in his letter to his father, he thought, feeling slightly better.
"I'm so glad!" Cho said, grinning.
"Me too," Cedric said.
They stood on the frosty grass, staring at each other for a couple of moments, smiling awkwardly.
"I'd better go," Cedric said. "Study - "
"Oh," said Cho, "oh, yes."
Cedric slipped his way back to the castle. He was immediately annoyed with himself for his sudden reaction to Cho's request.
He pulled out his father's letter and tore it into pieces, angry, suddenly, desperately angry, at the affect Amos had on him.
(ii)
Harry woke up quickly, a tingling sense of euphoria filling him all the way through his body. Cedric, the task over – he grinned, and stretched luxuriously.
"You awake, mate?" Ron said.
"Nah," Harry said, too sleepy to pay attention to him.
"You missed breakfast," Ron said. "You'll miss lunch if you don't hurry up."
"Why are you so cheerful?" Harry murmured, and hauled himself upright.
"Am I?" Ron said vaguely. He was leafing through his Charms book. Harry looked at him through silted eyes for a moment before closing them again.
"You might want to get up, mate, it's gone twelve," Ron prodded him.
"Since when are you in charge?" Harry said with a sleepy grin in Ron's direction before he wandered towards the bathroom.
When he came back in, Ron was still flicking through the book, occasionally mouthing a spell here and there.
"Have we a test?" Harry asked.
"Where've you been? It's on all the spells we've done so far."
"So far this term?"
"So far this ever," Ron said.
Harry swore. "When?"
"Monday," Ron said. "Did you sleep during Charms?"
"Yeah," Harry said. "Didn't you notice?"
"No, I was too busy trying to copy Hermione's notes," Ron said.
Harry sighed and rooted through his bag for his charms book. He couldn't really concentrate on more than a few words before he said,
"Shall we go and get lunch first?"
"Yes, let's," Ron said, and they made their way downstairs.
Hermione waylaid them in the hall.
"I've been studying! You can't expect me not to eat!" Ron said.
"I wasn't looking for you, Ron," she said. "Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"I was just in the bathroom," she began.
"We really wanted to know that, Hermione," Ron said.
"As I was saying," she continued, giving him a glare to rival Snape's, "I was just in the girl's loo, and I overheard Cho talking."
"And?" Harry said.
"And – and she was saying Cedric agreed to go out with her!"
"Cedric?" Harry said. The day before flashed into his mind. "Course he didn't," he said.
"Well, she said he did," Hermione said.
"She was lying then, wasn't she?" Harry said, feeling his cheeks redden.
"'Course she was," Ron said, "let's get lunch."
"Oh, Harry," Hermione said, "she did sound serious."
"I'll ask Cedric then," Harry said. "And I'm sure he'll say you're wrong."
Hermione looked worried, but Harry turned away from her, following Ron up the long corridor of tables. He didn't see Cedric at the Hufflepuff table, so he was forced to endure eating steak-and-kidney pie while Hermione watched him worriedly. It made him more edgy than he really thought was necessary.
"What about charms?" Ron whined as he made for the direction of Hufflepuff.
"What about it?" Harry said, and hurried away.
(iii)
As he stood outside the common room he no longer thought about Cho – all he could think was how much he wanted to see Cedric again, feel his body against him.
He stood near the entrance for quite some time, fruitlessly. When he saw a Hufflepuff sixth-year walking to the entrance, he decided he couldn't stand waiting for a Cedric that might never appear and asked him,
"Is Cedric Diggory in there?"
The Hufflepuff, Harry thought his name might be Aidan, shrugged.
"Why d'you want to know?" he asked.
"I just do," Harry said.
"Looking for help in your next task, eh?" he said.
"No!" Harry said, rather too vehemently.
"Alright, alright," Aidan said, raising his eyebrows.
He murmured a password and stuck his head into the common room.
"Oy, Diggory, some kid wants you!" he shouted, loud enough for the whole room to hear. Harry cringed.
Aidan wandered into the common room, and shut the door. Harry stood outside for an awkward few minutes, wondering if Cedric was really inside at all.
Then he appeared, calling to someone behind him as he shut the door.
"Harry!" he said in one breath, and Harry found himself pulled tight to Cedric's chest. He nuzzled his face into Cedric's side.
When they pulled apart, Cedric looking shifty as if he just realised where they were, Harry thought he looked a bit odd. His face was pinched, and the tattered skin around his nails looked like it had recently been picked and peeled off.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked.
"Not really," Cedric said. "You shouldn't have come to the common room – they'll ask questions."
"I wanted to see you," Harry said. "Besides, you can say you're helping me in potions."
"I gave potions up after fifth year," Cedric said.
"Charms, then," Harry said, as he vaguely remembered his charms test.
Cedric sighed. "It's a daft excuse."
"We can think up a better one," Harry said. "Can we – can we go somewhere?"
Cedric nodded. "Course we can."
They wandered out into the chill afternoon. Some of the frost had abated, but most of it clung in chill patches.
They walked away from the lake, both feeling he had seen entirely enough of it, and headed instead for one of the rose gardens. They found a secluded bench, well hidden by a statue of a large sphinx.
The sphinx snored comfortingly as Harry shivered and Cedric cuddled up against him.
"Are you going out with Cho?"
"What?" Cedric said.
"I didn't think you were," Harry said cheerfully, pressing his cold nose into Cedric's warm neck. "Hermione said something."
Cedric coughed, and didn't flinch away from Harry's icy face as Harry had expected.
"Well I … Well I am, actually."
"What?" Harry pulled away slightly to look at Cedric anxious face. "Why?"
"I… I had a letter from my dad today," Cedric raised one of his hands nervously, bringing it towards his teeth. Harry stopped him, holding the hand awkwardly in his own, trying not to touch the skinless parts. They looked sore, raw.
"And?" Harry asked, trying to keep his voice calm.
"And he was – he was so happy that Cho was what I would miss most. And I didn't want to disappoint him."
Harry let go of Cedric's hand. "So you went and found her, then?"
"No – I – she asked me," Cedric said. "And I agreed."
"So she's going to think you like her?"
"Well, she was the thing I'd miss most," Cedric said. "I mean, not really the thing I'd miss most, but…"
"I know," Harry said.
He didn't quite want to look at Cedric. He focused on a brown insect that was crawling along the sphinx's elegant tail instead.
Cedric's hand still lay on his knee. He looked at the torn skin sadly, and put his other arm round Cedric.
"Did your dad really upset you, then?" he asked.
"Yeah," Cedric said. "He did. He – he said he was glad I'd changed my ways."
"I'm glad you haven't," Harry said.
"I know – but I – I want him to like me so badly," Cedric said. "He was always so proud of me. He was always my favourite person. The most important thing. When I started Hogwarts, I used to count down the days 'til I'd see him again."
Cedric drew in a raspy breath. "And then when I told him I liked boys – I didn't think he'd mind. It made me so happy to know – to look at boys I liked and know one day I'd be able be with them. But when I told him he – he – he – he didn't like me anymore."
Harry didn't know what to say. He looked up at Cedric's face and was horrified to see tears there.
"Oh, Cedric…" he breathed, and reached up to touch Cedric's cheek.
"Harry," Cedric chocked out between difficultly stifled sobs. "I…"
"Shh," Harry said, and, awkwardly, nervously, reached up to dry away the tears, to kiss Cedric's contorted face.
"I don't know why he doesn't like you," Harry whispered, "there's nothing not to like."
"Harry," Cedric said, softly, urgently, and Harry found them kissing, Cedric's mouth warm despite the chilly air, his tongue gentle in Harry's mouth. His tears were warm on Harry's cold cheeks.
When they'd eventually pulled away, Cedric sighed, a long shaky sigh. Harry hoped he wouldn't start crying again.
"I'm sorry," Cedric said. "That was – that was stupid."
"It wasn't," Harry said, still feeling a little awkward. He pressed his thumb into the palm of the hand of Cedric's he held.
The brown beetle was staying very still on the curve of the sphinx's spine.
"I have nightmares," Harry said with a cough. "And I cry a bit, too, sometimes. It's not really stupid, Cedric. I mean, it's not like you can help it."
"No, you can't," Cedric said. The cuddled quietly for a moment, their robes getting tangled up in each other's.
"What do you have nightmares about?" Cedric asked.
"Oh, Voldemort," Harry said, and didn't apologise as Cedric winced. "And also, my Uncle – the muggle I used to live with."
"Was he mean?" Cedric asked.
"Yes," Harry said. He though he might leave it at that, but he continued, " he was never very nice – but he didn't actually hit me or anything. Except once."
"And you have nightmares about it?" Cedric said.
Harry nodded. He didn't want to say anymore. This was farther than his confidences had ever gone with anyone.
"Oh, Harry," Cedric said, more quietly this time. "I'm sorry."
Harry nodded again. They sat quiet for a time, cuddled close, until it got too cold even for that.
"Let's go back to the castle," Cedric said.
Harry agreed, "but I don't really want to – to go away from you right now," he said and blushed. He thought he'd blushed more in the space of the last half an hour than he had in the rest of his life.
Cedric squeezed his hand. "Neither do I."
A/n: Thank you for all the lovely reviews, kind readers. I apologise for all the soppy moments in this chapter, hope they're not too cringe-worthy.
Also, I'd love a beta to check over my dodgy spelling, if anyone's willing.