Hi everyone. I'm back with the next chapter for you all. After last week's update, I know a lot of you are upset with me because of what happened, and I get it. I definitely do. But I hope you'll stick around to see where things for Dawsey go from here. These next few chapters, we've got some really important things coming for them. Things I hope you all will like.

Thank you so much for reading. Enjoy.

Chapter Ninety Nine

Gabby's red and teary eyes stayed focused out the window as Matt drove through the busy streets of Chicago, the late morning traffic delaying their drive home as a heavy silence filled the air around them. Since leaving DCFS nearly twenty minutes ago, neither of them had said a word from the moment they got into the car, though Gabby had been quiet for much longer than that. Ever since they said their goodbyes to Caitlyn.

After comforting his sobbing wife for a painful few moments, once she had calmed down enough to breathe, Matt had to practically lead her out of the building, Gabby unable to focus on much as she kept her arm around his back, her body tucked tightly into his as they walked through the building. They had gotten a few stares, Matt noticing the people looking at them as they tried to get out to their car, Gabby's distraught state obvious to anyone who saw her. But he did his best not to focus on that, Matt shooting anyone staring too long a harsh look before returning his attention to his wife, the man rubbing her arm and squeezing her body into his, doing anything he could to give her some bit of comfort despite the fact his heart felt just as broken as hers.

And by the time they finally got to the car, thick tears escaping down her cheeks as he opened the door for her, she still hadn't said a word, Matt waiting until she was situated before he shut her door and jogged around to the other side. Once he was inside, buckled, and had gotten the car started, he immediately reached out for her hand, the action causing fresh tears to escape her eyes as she gripped onto his palm with both of hers, their conjoined hands resting in her lap as her puffy eyes focused out the window.

And they'd been like that ever since, Gabby having not let go of his hand while he drove, the woman only making a sound when she would sniffle softly, Matt giving her hand tight squeezes every few moments when he felt like she needed it. But despite the comfort they so desperately needed from each other, they'd be quiet, their grief overwhelming as the reality of losing yet another child settled over them like a thousand pound weight.

Drawing in a deep breath, Matt felt a wave of gratitude wash over him as he pulled into their driveway, the man glad to finally be back home after the emotional morning they'd had. After making sure he came to a complete stop, Casey took his hand off the steering wheel to reach up and click the button to open their garage, the husband not wanting to let go of his wife's hand just yet as he waited for the door to go up before pulling the car inside and putting it in park, the action causing Gabby to snap from her haze as her eyes moved towards him. From his first glance alone, Matt could tell she hadn't realized they were home, the slight hint of confusion in her eyes a dead giveaway before her face softened, Gabby soon realizing her surroundings as he gave her hand another squeeze.

"Hey." He spoke, his voice a bit hoarse from lack of use as she offered him a weak smile; one that didn't reach her watery eyes. "You wanna go see Sof?" Casey questioned, Gabby giving him an immediate nod before she let go of his hand, the parents grabbing their things and climbing out of the car.

Dawson was the first through the door, Matt putting the garage door down before following behind her, the soft sound of the TV hitting their ears as they stepped into their home. As Casey put down his keys and wallet on the table by the side door, Gabby continued inside, her eyes immediately finding her daughter playing on the ground, the baby grabbing at the large blocks in front of her, gnawing on one of them as Becca sat beside her.

The second the nanny saw them, she straightened her spine, the woman immediately noticing the redness around Gabby's eyes as she moved straight to her daughter, Matt coming in a few seconds later, Becca seeing a similar sadness shining in his eyes, as well. Without a word, Gabby came up behind her daughter, the woman running her hand through Sofia's curly hair, the action causing the baby to become aware of someone else's presence in the room.

"Hi baby girl." She murmured as Sofia turned around towards her, the baby squealing in excitement from seeing her mother, her attitude a complete shift from how it had been in the moments before they left with Caitlyn this morning.

And when she saw the bright grin on her daughter's face, Sofia throwing her blocks to the ground and reaching up for her mom, Gabby couldn't help but a feel a sense of peace at being here with her daughter, the baby able to dull the pain she was feeling as she carefully picked her up and cradled her against her chest.

"Mama… Mama." She repeated, her mouth covered in a bit of slobber as she looked up to her mother, Gabby smiling softly despite the tears in her eyes before pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"Yeah, Mama's here." She whispered, rubbing her hand along her back before moving towards the couch, Becca standing up off the ground as Matt came farther into the room, the man tearing his eyes from his family to look towards the nanny.

As Gabby sat down on the couch with Sofia in her lap, the little girl completely enamored by her mother, Matt stopped a few feet shy of the coffee table, Becca standing beside him with a knowing look in her eyes, the woman mirroring the sadness she saw in his gaze.

"I'll, uh… I'm gonna get out of your way." Becca spoke softly, knowing this wasn't a time when Gabby or Matt needed any company. The nanny, more than most, experiencing first hand just how loved Caitlyn was in this house, and how these next few days- or even weeks, would be very hard for the Casey's. And she knew the best thing she could do now would be to get out of their way, Matt nodding softly in response before forcing a small smile onto his face.

"Thanks for watching Sof, and calming her down with, uh- everything this morning." He said, clearing the emotion from his throat as Becca gave him a supportive nod, reaching out to squeeze the side of his arm before she began to walk past him.

"Of course… I'll see you all on Thursday." She replied, Matt nodding in agreement before Becca walked to the table to grab her purse before she headed for the front door.

"Oh, and Becca…" Matt's voice stopped her, the nanny turning back around to find him watching her, while Gabby was still completely focused on the baby in her arms. "Thank you." He repeated, her eyebrows furrowing in uncertainty. "For all your help with Caitlyn." Casey elaborated, the look on her face softening before she shook her head slightly. "I know all of that got sprung on you last minute, but you were amazing with her… With her and Sof both, so thank you. We wouldn't have been able to manage without you."

"You don't need to thank me for anything." She was quick to reply when he finished, Matt pursing his lips together before giving her a soft nod, the woman taking the last step towards the front door. "I'm just… I'm really sorry." She told them, the firefighter's face faltering slightly as the weight of it hit him all over again, Matt doing what he could to regain himself before he gave her another nod, the nanny saying one last goodbye before slipping out the door, and leaving the Casey's alone in their home.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Matt brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, the man doing his best to get rid of the headache forming behind his eyes as the sound of Sofia's cartoon kept the couple from being in a dead quiet.

"Mama." Sofia spoke up again, Casey looking up towards his family, seeing Sofia playing with the necklace around Gabby's neck; the S pendant that he'd given her last Christmas, the one she'd rarely taken off since getting it, Sofia lightly pulling on it while she continued to babble away. Even from his position across the room, he could still see the tears hiding behind his wife's eyes, Gabby unable to keep her emotions concealed as he walked over to the large couch placed against the wall.

Before saying a word, Matt sat down beside her, the movement gaining little Sofia's attention as she realized her dad had come home, too, the baby letting go of Gabby's necklace to reach out towards him, Casey grabbing onto her hand while she stayed put in her mother's lap. "Hi my princess." He murmured, leaning down to kiss her little hand as she continued to smile up at her father, Sofia thankfully oblivious to the heaviness settling around her as Matt ran his thumb along the back of her hand.

Though Sofia had been upset this morning, both Matt and Gabby knew that had stemmed from Caitlyn nearly sobbing as it was time for them to go, the one year old sensing the distress around her and getting upset. But they knew she didn't actually understand what was wrong, and in moments like these, Matt couldn't help but feel a little grateful for that. That Sofia was too young to know what was going on, that she wouldn't have to feel the pain him and Gabby were feeling right now. He didn't want her to ever feel anything like they were right now, and that was somehow a small, bright spot in all this, was that Sofia was too young to understand what happened.

But Caitlyn wasn't.

And he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it.

Though Caitlyn didn't grasp exactly why she had to leave, she understood what was happening. She was old enough to know that she wouldn't be seeing them, or Sofia again. She knew this was goodbye, and Matt knew Caitlyn would never forget it. Sofia was young enough to not have to remember the pain from today, to remember their tearful goodbyes, but Caitlyn didn't have that luxury. She was old enough to remember them, and she was old enough to remember her screaming for them to not leave her, and them walking out anyway.

What happened today, that wasn't something Caitlyn would be forgetting any time soon, and that crushed him. Today broke his heart in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time, and the pain and grief he felt combined with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness was nearly debilitating, Matt feeling like he nearly had to force himself to breathe some moments as he sat here and stared at his daughter.

Because it wasn't supposed to be like this. They were just supposed to foster Caitlyn for a few weeks, and then let her go be with her family. This was supposed to open the door for them to look into different ways to expand their family, not completely paralyze them. They weren't supposed to fall in love with this little girl, they weren't supposed to feel like she was theirs.

But they did… She did.

And this morning felt exactly like it had years ago when Louie left. It felt like they'd gotten their child unfairly ripped away from them, except there was something about this that was different. And that was Caitlyn.

Losing Louie completely destroyed them. Having to let go of their son, it broke them in ways that they never recovered from, and there were parts of themselves that would forever feel that loss. But with Louie, they also knew he was going to be with his father. They knew they were doing what was best for him, and there was a certain level of peace that came with that. That regardless of how terrible it was for them, it was in Louie's best interest to let him go. But this, this didn't feel like that. There was no peace, there was no comfort that came with them knowing they were doing what was best for Caitlyn, because there was a small voice in the back of Casey's head telling him he wasn't sure if they were. A small voice that had grown substantially louder after hearing Caitlyn's screams for them not to leave her. Because nothing about what happened this morning gave him any comfort that they were doing the right thing for that little girl.

What happened today, and what happened with Louie, though they had the same outcome, they couldn't help but feel like entirely different situations. Because while they knew without a doubt that Louie was where he needed to be, right now it felt like Caitlyn had been ripped away from the only place she should be, and that didn't sit well with him. And he couldn't imagine it sat well with his wife either.

"Baby."

Matt's eyes snapped into focus when he registered Gabby's voice, the man blinking quickly before he turned towards her, finding her worried, slightly swollen eyes on him, the look on her face indicating this was by no means the first time she'd tried to get his attention.

"I'm, uh- I'm sorry, what'd you say?" He questioned, Gabby's lips turning down into a frown as she reached her free hand up towards his face, the wife wiping away a tear that had fallen from his eye; one he didn't even realize was there.

"I was just trying to get your attention." She murmured, Casey giving her an understanding nod before he dropped Sofia's hand, the young girl having curled up against her mother's chest in the time he'd spaced out. Though she was still awake, with one glance at the clock, he knew here soon she probably wouldn't be, Sofia likely wanting to nurse before they put her down for her first nap of the day.

"Oh, sorry." He replied just as quietly, Gabby shaking her head slightly, indicating it was alright as Sofia nuzzled her face into her mother's chest, no doubt getting some drool from her incoming teeth on Gabby's clothes as searched around, Dawson releasing a soft breath as she ran her hand over Sofia's back. "What were you saying?" He questioned, shaking his head slightly to try and regain himself as his wife clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Uh, we can talk about it in a bit… I need to go feed her, then put her to bed." Gabby spoke, hearing the low whines coming from her daughter that indicated she was hungry, or at the very least wanting the comfort that came from nursing before she went to sleep.

"Want me to give her a bottle?" He offered, rubbing his hand along Gabby's back as she slid to the front of the plush couch, securing Sofia in her arms before standing up, his hand falling off of her body as she moved.

"No, no, it's okay… I just wanna spend some time with her." She replied, Casey nodding knowingly before Gabby began to move towards the stairs, Sofia resting her head on her mom's shoulder as she was carried up the stairs.

Dawson moved slowly, not wanting to jostle her little girl too much as she climbed the stairs, the heavy feeling currently constricting her chest feeling that much tighter the second she got to the landing and stood just outside Caitlyn's room. The door was still open, the room left just as it had been this morning when they finished packing up the things she wanted to take with her, Gabby feeling fresh tears form in her eyes as she caught glimpse of the little girl's bedroom, the mother quickly turning to head for her daughter's room before she had to stand there and stare any longer, that room now only filling her a huge sense of emptiness. Releasing a shaky breath, Gabby pushed the door open to Sofia's room, the baby yawning as Gabby moved her towards the glider set up in the corner.

It took some adjusting, but they were both used to this routine by now as Gabby soon got her clothes out of the way for Sofia to latch on, the baby excellent at this particular skill as she'd been doing it for over a year now, Gabby settling her in her arms as Sofia fed. It was calm, and quiet in the room, so much so that Dawson was almost able to let herself not focus on the events of the last few hours, where she could just give her complete attention to her daughter, and now be overrun with the feeling of absolute hurt that had settled in her chest since they left the five year old at DCFS. This moment was almost enough to make her forget, but not quite.

But she knew it was as close as she'd be able to get, Gabby welcoming this time with her daughter, knowing it was exactly what she needed right now.

And apparently Matt did, too, Gabby looking up when she heard his heavy footsteps climbing the stairs, the wife waiting to see him appear in the doorway a few seconds later. But he didn't, Gabby hearing him stop walking a few steps short of Sofia's room, the woman knowing immediately what he was doing. Because she had done it too, Gabby well aware her husband was currently standing outside of Caitlyn's room.

But whatever feelings that had elicited in Matt, he didn't seem to want to dwell on it as it was only a few seconds before he started walking again, Casey soon appearing in the doorway, his eyes immediately on his family.

"Hey." She greeted, Matt offering her a small, albeit forced, smile before he stepped further into the room. "Everything alright?" She questioned, though they both knew the answer, Casey giving her a soft shrug before he came to sit down on the footrest in front of her.

"Just wanted to be with you guys." He responded softly, Gabby nodding knowingly before she looked back down to Sofia, the baby slowly fading as she fought off her exhaustion, her little fist gripping Gabby's chest while she ate.

They moved back into that familiar silence they'd been in for most of the morning, the two falling into a sort of battle of wills as neither of them knew what to say. They knew they needed to talk, that after everything this morning, there were discussions that needed to be had, ones they couldn't just ignore. But they didn't know where to start, or how to talk about what had happened without completely falling apart. And it had left them in kind of a stand still, one they knew they needed to get out of.

"So, uh…" He started, clearing his throat as Gabby lifted her head up, the two immediately locking gazes with one another, their red eyes showing just how much pain they were holding onto as he drew in a deep breath. "I know we need to talk about… Well, everything." He told her, waiting for Gabby's reluctant nod before he continued. "And I'm not sure what you were gonna say downstairs, but I guess all I need to know right now is if you're okay."

Her eyebrows furrowed at the question, Gabby clearly a little thrown by his words, Matt immediately shaking his head before he leaned forward, resting his hands on her knees. "I know you're not okay, after everything, I- I didn't mean it like that. I just meant-" He cut himself off, Matt knowing his words weren't coming out the way he wanted. "I just wanna know what you're thinking…"

Drawing in a slow breath, Gabby ran her tongue along the inside of her cheek, fighting off the tears threatening to spill over as she thought about the one thing she was trying to keep off her mind, the woman taking a few more shaky breaths before she was finally able to answer.

"I'm… I don't know how to answer that." She spoke honestly, missing the frown that covered her husband's face as her eyes moved back down to their baby. "I feel… I feel like we just got another child taken away from us." She breathed out, clenching her eyes shut to try and keep the fresh tears from falling as she tried to stay as calm as she could for Sofia, knowing her daughter would surely feel the tension her body was holding.

Rubbing his hand along the side of his face, Matt took a few slow breaths, her words hanging in the air around them as he tried to figure out what to say. "Gabby-"

"I know it's stupid." She cut him off, his eyebrows furrowing as her eyes slowly opened, Gabby lifting her head back up towards her husband, Matt's heart tightening in his chest when he saw the thick tears welling in her eyes. "We went into this knowing she wasn't ours. We went in knowing she'd only be with us for a little while… but it doesn't matter, I couldn't help it." She spoke as her bottom lip trembled slightly.

"I know." He whispered, lifting one hand up to wipe away the tears that had begun to trail down her cheeks. "But it's not stupid, baby." He told her, keeping his voice as strong as he could, despite the emotions he felt welling in his throat, Gabby clenching her eyes shut, the action causing a few more tears to escape down her skin before she looked back at him.

"I just… She felt like ours, Matt." She spoke, her voice barely audible. "From the moment she got here, she felt like ours. She was happy here, with us and with Sof… She loved us, and trusted us, and for awhile it just- I forgot she wasn't ours… She felt like our daughter."

"I know." He agreed, his voice soft as Gabby shook her head slightly.

"And that's why-" She started, but she cut herself off, Matt furrowing his eyebrows slightly as he waited for her to continue, his head tilting to the side slightly as Gabby hesitantly spoke. "That's why I didn't want to do this."

The second those words left her lips, Matt felt like he'd gotten punched, the man pulling back slightly as he brought his hands into his lap, Gabby immediately shaking her head as more tears filled her eyes.

"I'm not blaming you." She was quick to clarify when she saw the change in his demeanor, Matt staying quiet as he waited for her to continue, the shock of her words having yet to completely wear off as his spine straightened, the man effectively regaining some distance between them. "I'm not, at all. I made this decision, I agreed to do it, it's not your fault, I just- God, it's like I can't even think." She spoke, her frustration evident as Matt's face softened. "But this is why I was so scared. This, right here… How we feel right now, is why I originally said I didn't think I could do this. Because of this feeling. Because I knew I couldn't lose another kid." She continued, the words flying from her mouth as tears slid down her skin every few moments. "I knew I'd get attached to her, that we would, and that it would be impossible to let her go, but I just… I never imagined it would be this hard." She admitted, Matt blinking back the tears sitting in his eyes as he leaned forward, his hands returning to her legs. "It felt like we went to DCFS and left our daughter there…"

"Gabby…"

"She was begging us not to leave her." She interjected, Matt taking a deep breath as she shook her head. "She was sobbing, asking us not to leave her. And we did."

Her words hung in the air around them, Gabby sucking in shallow breaths as she tried to calm herself down as Sofia was nearly asleep, the baby in her arms having a way of keeping her grounded despite the overwhelming grief she was feeling right now, Matt giving himself a second to digest everything she'd just said, the man knowing he needed to say something to try and make her feel better. But he was struggling with what to say, because he felt the exact same way she did.

"Baby, we didn't have a choice." He murmured after a moment, Gabby releasing a shaky breath as she looked back up at him. "I know how awful this feels… It feels like I'm about to fall apart, because you're right. She felt like she was ours, like she was our daughter…" He agreed, his words springing more tears to both their eyes before he continued. "I know we never really talked about it, about Caitlyn feeling like she was ours. Because adoption wasn't an option, and this was supposed to just be us helping her and giving her a place to stay for a few weeks, but she did. She felt like our little girl. I know she did. And hearing her cry like that, pleading for us to stay, I'll- I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it. I know exactly how you're feeling right now, Gabby, but we had no choice…" He paused to take a breath, his words bringing more tears to her eyes as a few escaped down her cheeks. "No matter how much she felt like she belonged here, we wouldn't have been able to keep her."

"I know." She whispered, Matt barely able to hear her as she continued to cry.

"But that doesn't mean it hurts any less." He added, Gabby's red and tired eyes finding his distraught blue ones. "It doesn't matter that we knew she wouldn't be staying, or that we knew she wouldn't be ours, it still hurts, because we loved her like she was our daughter. It hurts like hell, and it probably will for awhile," He spoke honestly, causing Gabby to bite down on her bottom lip, "but we just have to try and believe that we did the right thing…" He told her, though he knew that was easier said than done. "I know after today, it doesn't feel like we did. But we have to believe we're doing what's best for her. We gave her a home, we made her feel safe and loved when she needed it, and that's all we could do."

She nodded slowly, the woman pursing her lips together before she closed her eyes, Gabby desperate to keep some semblance of control over her own emotions as she held onto her daughter, Matt sliding his hands up and down her legs to give her any source of comfort he could as that familiar, heavy silence fell back over them yet again. And this time, it stayed.

He knew there was only so much he could do right now, because they just needed time. This pain, and this heartache, they would need time to feel it and deal with it, before they could try and move on from it. This wasn't something that would just go away, no matter how much they wished it would.

Caitlyn had become such a big part of their lives in such a short time, there was no way to make her abrupt departure any better. They just had to accept it, and try and move past it. But they both knew that wouldn't be an easy thing to do.

That little girl had found her way into their hearts, and now, just like their son, she was gone. And there wasn't anything that could make that any better.

Gabby released a slow breath as she held her face under the streaming water in her shower, the warm water relaxing her as she continued her routine of getting ready for bed, the woman hoping to wash the heaviness of the last few days off of her as she continued taking slow breaths.

It had been two days since everything happened, since they had to say goodbye to the little girl that felt like their own, and to say it had been difficult would've been an understatement, the parents feeling nearly paralyzed some moments as they worked on getting through this loss. Though they'd gone through something similar before, there was still no way to prepare for having a child taken away, and that had never been more apparent than over the last forty eight hours, Matt and Gabby having leaned on one another more often than not as they tried to navigate the heavy emotions they were feeling.

And, luckily, they had more than just each other, their friends having tried whatever they could to help the couple, Kelly and Jemma at the helm of keeping them occupied and busy, Severide especially having taken a special interest in helping his friend. While Jemma took the approach of just spending time with Gabby, and letting her talk, and vent, and cry, about what had happened and how she was feeling, Kelly couldn't help but feel like Matt needed more than that. So he had made it his mission to get Matt's mind off of things, which started with an impromptu guys night yesterday evening.

It was something Matt wasn't exactly eager to do, but after some prompting from Gabby, and the assurance that Jemma would be at home with her so she wasn't alone, Casey had decided to go out; the husband going out to a bar across town with Severide and Antonio. Though she originally thought they'd just be going to Molly's, Kelly had surprised them by taking him to a bar they'd never been to, and Gabby couldn't help but be a little grateful for that. Because she knew that if Matt walked into Molly's, all their friends would want to talk and know how he was doing, and they'd want to try and help. And Gabby was he sure he couldn't have handled those conversations, not then, and especially not with a few drinks in him. So she was glad they'd gone out to a new place.

But that night had been short lived, the men walking into their home not even two hours after they'd left, the look on Matt's face immediately telling her he hadn't had a good time, and after their friends left and she'd gotten a chance to speak with him, she found out he just didn't want to be there. That while he was there, all he could think about was being at home, with her, making sure her and Sofia were okay. And those feelings had led to a pretty early evening for all of them.

Though that failed night out hadn't deterred Severide, Matt telling her once he got home last night how the Lieutenant had planned a day out on the lake with the two of them, Antonio, and Ramon for the next day, which Gabby knew from the moment she heard it that it was a much better plan. Though Matt never minded going out and having fun with his friends, nights out like that weren't really his thing, not anymore. So a day on the lake sounded much more manageable for him.

And if his behavior this evening when they got back was any indication, it had been good for him. Though that shining sadness was still present in his eyes, just as it was in hers, he seemed to be a little lighter. Like at least some of the weight of all this had been lifted off of him, her husband appearing to feel a little bit better than he did before he went. And after speaking with her brother, he'd told her that Matt had a pretty good time, and it seemed to help him, though there'd been a few moments where he'd space out and get quiet; much like he'd been doing on different occasions over the last few days.

Though, admittedly, it was something they'd both been doing. Those moments where they'd get trapped in their own heads, when they'd be pulled from reality and weren't able to focus on much of anything aside from the pain they felt; those moments usually closely followed by one, or both, of them breaking down. But Matt especially, had moments where it would all become too much, and he'd break out of nowhere, Gabby knowing he'd done his best to try and stay strong for her, but it was becoming more and more apparent over the last few days that he couldn't. Because he was struggling with this, with having to let her go; they both were. And it was one of the worst feelings in the world.

But they were trying to get through it, and they were trying to be strong for each other when they could. In those hard moments where one would break and everything would become too much, they'd been there when the other needed it.

They'd fallen apart more than they'd care to admit since Caitlyn left, but they always had each other to help get them through it. They had each other, and they had their daughter, and they knew, in time, this would get easier to manage.

Just like it had with Louie.

Releasing another heavy breath, Gabby pulled her head back from underneath the water, the woman rinsing off one last time before shutting the water off and stepping out of the shower. Reaching for her towel, she quickly dried off and wrapped the material around herself before walking towards the sink to continue her routine before bed. It had been a relatively quick process, Gabby hearing nothing but silence coming from their apartment as she finished brushing her teeth, the woman placing her toothbrush back in it's rightful home beside Matt's before she rinsed her mouth out, Dawson quickly finishing up before she padded towards their bedroom.

Finding their room empty, Gabby glanced towards the clock, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she knew Matt should've finished putting Sofia to bed a while ago, the wife having spent more time in the shower than she realized. Blowing out a slow breath, Gabby walked towards their dresser, pulling out a pair of underwear and one of Matt's t-shirts before pulling the towel from her body and quickly changing into her pajamas, the woman patting her hair dry as she walked back into the bathroom to hang her towel up.

Once she'd successfully completed her task, Gabby wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and fall asleep, especially considering the long day they were sure to have tomorrow. But she didn't want to go to bed without Matt, Dawson walking softly out of their bedroom and towards the stairs, her quick glance out into the living room telling her Matt wasn't on this floor as she quietly walked up the steps.

When she got upstairs, she had every intention of heading to Sofia's room, Gabby figuring that's where her husband was, that maybe Sofia was just having a tougher time falling asleep tonight, but her steps were soon halted when she noticed the light filtering out of Caitlyn's bedroom. Drawing in a deep breath, she changed her path, Gabby hesitantly stepping in through the open doorway, soon finding her husband sitting on Caitlyn's bed, his head hung forward as he sat hunched over.

From her position just inside the door, she could tell he was deep in thought, Gabby's eyebrows knitting together as she took a few cautious steps forward, the woman not stopping until she made her way around the twin bed, Matt still not having noticed her presence as she stood barely a yard from him. Without a word, she sat down beside him, the movement jostling him slightly as he was pulled from his deep thoughts, Matt immediately catching her gaze as her arm brushed against his, their legs touching one another's as the light in the room caught the few tears sitting in his glassy eyes.

"Hi." She murmured, Matt offering her a weak smile before reaching out to grip her bare thigh, his large hand covering a portion of her leg as he gave her a gentle squeeze.

"Hey." He replied, Gabby's gaze tracing over his face before she placed her hand down on top of his.

"Sofia get down okay?" She questioned, figuring that was the safest place to start, Matt pausing for a moment before he gave her a quick nod.

"She did." He responded, clearing the emotion from his voice as he looked her over. "How was your shower?"

"It was fine… It made me tired, though. I'm ready for bed." She answered him softly, Matt giving her a knowing nod before squeezing her leg once more.

"Yeah, I uh- I guess we should try and get to bed soon. With work and everything." He spoke, Gabby drawing in a deep breath before her eyes roamed his face once more, seeing his slight confusion at the look covering her features. "...What?"

Her mouth opened slightly, Gabby pausing for a split second before she spoke up. "I've just been thinking… are you sure you wanna work tomorrow?" She questioned, Matt's lips pursing together before he sighed softly, the man thinking over her words as his palm ran along her skin.

"I'm okay to." He replied, Gabby blinking quickly before she nodded, Matt's tired eyes finding hers. "I feel like we need to, or that it would be good, to keep our routine and everything… And it might give us some distraction." He breathed out as Gabby's tongue poked out between her teeth to run along her lip. "But are you okay to work?" He asked back, watching as his wife took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I think so." She said, not missing the supportive smile from her husband as he ran his thumb along the outside of her leg. "I, uh- I think it'll be good for us, too." Dawson agreed, Matt nodding in response before his gaze moved forward, that heavy feeling soon falling back over them as her eyes followed his, the couple looking around at the room made for a five year old.

And in that quiet that had fallen over them, Gabby couldn't help but think back to her uncertainty from moments ago, the woman still unsure of why Matt had been in here in the first place, both of them having avoided this room since they got back home a few days ago. Or at least she had, but as far as she knew, Matt had, too. Until tonight.

"So, um-" His soft voice hit her ears, Gabby's head snapping back towards him as his eyes moved down to his lap. "I guess we should start thinking about packing this room up." He spoke, Gabby wincing slightly before her eyes moved back towards the room, many of Caitlyn's left behind belongings still sitting in their regular home despite their owner being gone.

"...Is that why you're in here?" She questioned, Matt's breath hitching slightly as he continued to stare downward, Gabby following his gaze to his lap, her eyes immediately catching the brightly colored bracelet wrapped around his wrist.

The same bracelet that Caitlyn had made for him. The one he refused to take off, and Gabby knew he probably wouldn't for a while.

"I, um- Sofia had been asleep, and I was gonna come back downstairs but I… I came in here, instead. And I've just been…" He trailed off, his voice a little unsteady as he took a few shallow breaths, Gabby seeing more tears beginning to well in his eyes.

"Matt…" She said, the man releasing a heavy sigh before responding.

"I just miss her." He spoke quickly, Gabby's eyes falling closed as she felt emotion creep up the back of her throat. "I miss her so much."

"I know you do." She replied, trying to remain as strong as she could for him, but it was nearly impossible. "I do, too…" She told him, her words earning a knowing nod from her husband because he continued.

"It's like whenever I do anything, I'm reminded she's not here. Whether it's us sitting down to eat and she's not there with us, and I don't have to cut up her food, or she's not there to insist on carrying her drink to the table. Or how when I got home this afternoon from fishing, she would've run to the door to greet me and she'd want to tell me everything she did while I was gone. Or how right now, she'd be wanting her cuddles before bed," He spoke, using the words Caitlyn would whenever she'd want to be held by them before going to sleep. "And we'd be reading her a story and tucking her in for bed, and it- It feels wrong. Her not being here feels so wrong." He choked out, tears falling down her cheeks as her husband's vulnerable words left his lips. "I just- God, Gabby, I miss her so much. And I don't know what to do… I know this takes time, but it feels like it won't get any better… That it can't. Because she should be here with us. And every time I feel like maybe it's gotten a little bit easier, it just hits me all over again."

"I know." She agreed, her voice shaky as Matt finally glanced back towards her, the pain in her voice matching his as thick tears continued trailing down her cheeks, a few escaping from Matt's eyes as well. "This hasn't gotten any easier yet, because it does feel like she should be with us, but she's not. And we have to be able to accept that." She breathed out, her voice barely audible as she got choked up, Gabby not having been able to accept her words yet, either. "But it'll… It'll be okay, baby. It'll get better." She murmured, reaching her arm up to wrap around his back, her hand coming up to rest along the back of his neck. "Caitlyn will be okay… And we will be, too."

Casey choked back a sob, the man unable to keep up his facade anymore as he gave her a quick nod, Matt reaching up to wipe away the tears streaming down his skin, Gabby gently cradling him down towards her as he continued to cry. With all the strength he had, he held onto his wife, Matt wrapping his arms around her waist as his head was tucked against her chest, his body trembling slightly as his cries got heavier, the man barely registering the feeling of his wife pressing kisses to the back of his head and his neck while she whispered comforting words to him as he broke down.

But what he did notice was the way her body was shaking, too, Matt holding onto her tighter when he felt her tears hitting the back of his neck, her grief just as evident as his as they gave in to the pain they were holding onto. The pain that had seemed to grab a hold of them and refuse to let go, Matt knowing they still had a very long, and likely hard, road ahead of them.

"Are they coming in today?" Herrmann's soft voice filtered through the common room, a few heads looking up from their breakfast, while others looked up from their newspapers as the man stood in the entrance to the room, a couple pairs of eyes bouncing around before some of them landed on Severide, the squad Lieutenant standing back by the coffee pot as he worked on his first cup of the day. Pulling the warm beverage away from his lips, Severide gave a slight nod to the question he knew was mostly directed towards him.

"They are." He responded, a few of the first responders looking back towards Herrmann as he spoke up again.

"Alright… I just wasn't sure," He started, scratching lightly over his stomach as he took another step forward into the room. "It's getting pretty close to the start of shift, I know with everything-" Herrmann cut himself off, shaking his head roughly. "Just... no one would blame them for missing another day."

"Casey said yesterday they'd be here, so as far as I know, they're working today, Herrmann." Severide told him, the older man nodding just as the double doors opened, Herrmann seeing a few of his coworkers perk up before he turned around to find the Casey's walking inside the firehouse.

From first glance, it was obvious how exhausted they were, their dark, slightly sunken eyes a dead give away as to how hard life had been on them lately, their Captain forcing a weak smile when he saw a bunch of eyes on him, though that smile soon faltered when he saw the looks of pity and remorse covering his friend's faces. Releasing a soft breath, he turned towards Gabby, Matt knowing his wife had seen everyone's stares as well, the man giving her a slight nod down the hallway, silently telling her he'd handle this before she turned to head for the locker room, Casey drawing in a deep breath before returning his attention to their friends.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Captain."

A chorus of similar greetings were heard through the room, everyone wanting to see what Casey would say as a heavy feeling loomed in the air, the men and women of firehouse 51 knowing there was nothing they could do to make this day better.

"I, um- I know there's no use in trying to avoid this, or act like nothing happened. And I know you all are probably worried about us, and we appreciate it, we do… But we're fine- We'll be fine." He corrected himself, his words a bit jumbled as he tried to focus his thoughts. "So, uh, if you all could just, you know, go about business as usual, that would help a lot… Thanks." He muttered, his eyebrows furrowing together before Matt abruptly took off in the same direction his wife had gone, their usually strong and firm Captain now seeming lost and unsure, the paramedics and firefighters sparing glances to one another as they sat in silence, the sound of Matt's retreating footsteps the only sound to heard around them.

"Yeah, they're not fine." Mouch spoke up, Severide narrowing his eyes slightly, though the man couldn't see him.

"Of course they're not fine, they just got another kid taken away from them." He nearly spat, Severide's harsh words gaining the attention of the room while Kelly focused in on Mouch, though the man wasn't so much the true target of his anger. But he was tired; he was tired of seeing his friends hurting, of seeing them going through the same heartache over and over again, and there not being anything he could do about it. "How could they be fine, Mouch? Huh? Tell me? There's no way they could be okay right now."

"Severide, I didn't mean-"

"Kelly…" Stella spoke softly, her voice slowly calming him down as he glanced towards his girlfriend who had gotten up from her seat and began to walk over to him. "He didn't mean anything by it… We're all just worried." She told him, the female firefighter knowing more than most in the room about how Dawson and Casey had been doing, Severide coming home to vent to her a few times over the last couple of days about the state of their friends.

Drawing in a deep breath, Kelly nodded, the man shaking his head slightly before he placed his coffee cup down on the counter behind him. "Sorry Mouch, I didn't mean to..." He trailed off, the older firefighter waving him off, knowing tensions were high right now. "This whole thing, it-… Things are just really hard for them right now."

"I can't even imagine." Cruz spoke up, shaking his head in near disbelief. "After all they've been through with this stuff…"

"I just wish there was something we could do to help them." Herrmann said, his eyes finding Severide's once more as a few of his coworkers nodded. "...What do we do to help them?" He questioned, Kelly releasing a heavy breath before shrugging softly, the man not really having an answer himself.

"Just be there for them, like we always have been… There's nothing else we can do."

Dawson slid her hands into her pockets as she jumped down out of the back of ambulance 61, the paramedics having just returned from their fourth call of the busy day, the woman not really registering much around her as she navigated her way around the large rigs; the rigs that told her her husband was still here. Once she was clear of truck 81, she headed straight for the first set of double doors, the quieter entrance giving her a much better chance of avoiding her coworkers as she spared a quick glance to the squad table, finding Severide's understanding eyes on her, the man offering her a warm, supportive smile before returning his attention back to Brett and Foster, Gabby releasing a grateful breath as she stepped into the firehouse.

Luckily, there was no one in the hallway as she stepped inside and made a beeline for the bunkroom, Gabby knowing she wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with more pitiful looks or sorrowful stares, despite knowing the genuine intentions behind her friend's actions.

And she appreciated it, she truly did. She knew everyone just wanted to help, but they had been walking on eggshells around her and Matt all day, tiptoeing around any substantial conversation they could possibly have, and it was starting to make her tired. No matter how good their intentions were, she truthfully just did not have the energy for it, which is why the safe seclusion of Matt's office was the only place she wanted to be right now.

Releasing a soft sigh, Gabby stepped into the bunkroom, the woman looking around to find it completely empty, aside from her husband sitting at his desk in his office, a content breath escaping her lips as he was exactly where she was expecting him, the paramedic continuing towards his office as she saw him focused on the papers in front of him. Reaching out towards the handle, she pulled the closed door open, Matt quickly turning to see who'd come in without knocking, his face softening instantly when he saw his wife standing in the open doorway, the Captain waving her in before he said a word.

"Hey baby." He greeted, Gabby offering him a small smile before stepping inside, leaving the door partially open as she came to stand beside him, Matt turning in his chair to face her. "You okay?" He asked, seeing the exhaustion written across her face.

"I'm fine." She replied as she leaning her body weight against his desk, her palms coming out to rest on the edge of the furniture as Matt gave her a nod, his hand reaching towards hers, Casey brushing his finger against the back of her hand.

"How was the call?" He questioned after a few seconds, the man continuing to stroking his hand along hers, the action comforting them both as she drew in a deep breath.

"It was fine… It was, uh-" She cut herself off, Matt's eyebrows furrowing as he waited for her to say whatever was going through her head. "It was a little girl." She got out, Matt's spine straightening as he sighed heavily. "She was probably Caitlyn's age, maybe a little older… She fell off the slide at the park, broke her arm. But she'll be fine." She spoke quickly, Matt sliding his hand up to her arm, rubbing her bare skin comfortingly as an understanding look covered his features.

"You okay?" He repeated the same question he'd asked her moments prior, Gabby pursing her lips together before she nodded, her eyebrows knitted together slightly.

"I'm fine, I guess, it just… It reminded me of when we'd take Caitlyn to the park." She spoke softly, her own words bringing a gentle smile to her face. "When you were chasing her around, and playing with her on the slide… It reminded me of that, and it was nice." She murmured, Casey smiling sadly before he gave her a knowing nod.

"Yeah, that was a good day." He replied just as quietly, the feeling in the air around them a little thick as they spoke of the time with their foster daughter, but the moment was quickly broken when they heard a tap on Casey's door frame, Gabby jumping slightly before they turned towards the noise, finding Herrmann standing in the partially open doorway, a regretful look covering his face.

"Sorry, I uh- I didn't mean to interrupt… But Brett said you two might be in here." He spoke, his words indicating he had more to say as Matt gave him a nod, slowly waving him in.

"What do you need, Herrmann?" He asked, the older man drawing in a deep breath before he stepped inside, Herrmann resting his back against the wall as his eyes flickered back and forth between the two of them, knowing he had to proceed carefully.

"I just, uh… I came in here because I know you want everyone to treat you like we normally would, and we all get it- we do. But I also just wanted to make sure you two know that everyone here has your back." He spoke, his voice a little rough while he talked, Gabby leaning closer to Matt as he gripped her arm. "I know… You two have been through a lot, when it's come to kids. We all know that." He continued with a grimace, memories of those moments playing through his mind as Herrmann remembered how he'd done his best to help them when they lost their baby, then again with Louie. And he knew he needed to say something to help them now, though the words weren't coming as easy this time. With the amount of pain and heartache they'd experienced when it came to children, he knew those feelings would never go away. They would only dull, and become more manageable. But they would never leave them, and they all knew it. "But with Caitlyn, I know it was a little different… We know how hard losing Louie was for you two, how blindsided you were by that, and I know it can't be any easier now. Losing a kid is never easy. But I just want you two to know that we're here for you… Whatever you two need from us, you've got it."

Gabby took a few slow, shallow breaths, Matt continuously running his hand along her arm as they digested Herrmann's words, before Casey gave him a grateful nod.

"Thank you, Herrmann… Really, we appreciate it." He responded, the man nodding in response.

"Nothing to thank me for, you know we're always here for you two. And Sofia." He added, Matt smiling softly at the mention of his daughter. "Which, uh, speaking of… How is she doing with all this?" He questioned, Casey running his tongue along the inside of his cheek as he looked up at Gabby, finding her tired eyes already on him.

"She's… I think she realizes Caitlyn's not there." Matt confided, Gabby nodding in agreement as Herrmann winced slightly. "I'm not sure how much she's able to grasp the whole thing, but I think she knows something's different. She knows there's not another kid with her, and there's been some moments where… I don't know, it's kind of hard to explain, but it feels like she misses her."

"I'm sure she does." Herrmann responded, Gabby nodding in agreement. "I know you all do, cause we miss her too. And I know this is hard on you guys, losing Caitlyn… this can't be easy, but you'll all be alright… I know you will." He assured them, Dawson and Casey sharing a look before Herrmann spoke up once more. "And you two got a village where Sofia's concerned, I know that, but if you ever need a babysitter, just to, yanno, have a moment to breathe, you know where I am." He offered, Matt nodding with a small smile.

"Thanks, Herrmann." He replied, Gabby drawing in a deep breath before she pushed herself up off Casey's desk, his hand sliding down off her arm as she walked towards Herrmann, Dawson quick to wrap him up in a tight hug.

He was a little caught off guard by the action, but quickly reciprocated as he wrapped his arms around her, Matt watching on at the moment between the two of them as the older man rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Thank you, Herrmann." She murmured, her words barely audible to Matt as the older firefighter gave her back a squeeze. "For everything… Thank you."

"Don't mention it, Dawson." He told her, rubbing his hand along her back before the separated, the soft smile on his face calming her as he ran his palm over her arm, a knowing look forming in his eye. "...You'll be okay kid. It'll be okay." He said, his words causing a small smile to form over her lips before she nodded, Gabby giving him another quick hug before she walked back to Matt's desk and reclaimed her previous position, Casey reaching out to place his hand on her lower back as she looked down at him, their eyes locking as she took a slow breath.

"Yeah… We'll be okay."

I know this was kind of a hard one, with Dawsey trying to move past losing Caitlyn and everything. But I promise, things will begin to look up for them soon. And next week, we've got chapter 100, which means some big things are coming there. Hopefully you all will be excited for that.

Thank you so much for reading, it really means the world to me that there are still people interested in this story this far into it. Truly, it means everything. So thank you. And I hope you all have a great week.

Stay safe, everyone.