It was late when Tsuzuki dressed and made his way almost silently away from the infirmary. However, his actions did not go unnoticed. Tatsumi and Watari both knew he was up to something, and so they waited and watched him go.

"Are you sure it's okay to just let him leave in his condition?"

"Tsuzuki is strong."

"Strong, yes. Certainly strong enough to survive a heart attack. That wasn't what I was asking, though, Tatsumi."

Tatsumi removed his glasses and smiled at the door Tsuzuki neglected to close on his way out.

"You know Tsuzuki just as well as I do. When he cares about someone else, it doesn't matter what kind of condition he is in. We have no way in hell of stopping him."

In the ten minutes it took him to get to Hisoka's apartment, Tsuzuki began to feel slightly lightheaded. Still, he had an objective, and he wouldn't give up before he saw Hisoka. Besides, it wouldn't help the kid to see him pass out again right in front of him. Heaven knows Tsuzuki already scared him out of his wits. Now, he was going to set things right. As he approached the door, Tsuzuki looked down at his hand, where he held a bottle of water. He had used it in case he needed a break, but so far, he hadn't. It was then that he smiled and decided to give it to his partner.

Then, he turned his head towards the door again, and he rose his hand to knock on the door, and he heard small sobs coming from inside. The darkness seeped from the small home, and Tsuzuki could feel the sorrow from the only, lonely inhabitant. It tore at Tsuzuki's heart to feel what he did, and if he were an empath, well, it would be about the same. Tsuzuki knew Hisoka so well; he didn't need empathy to know how he was feeling or what he was thinking. And now, he was thinking dark, sad thoughts.

Sighing one last time, he pushed the door open, noticing that it wasn't locked, let alone even closed at all. Stepping into the room, he saw how dark it was. It wasn't that the curtains were down, but that it was dark. Said curtains were laying on the floor, stripped and shreaded and torn. The couch was missing some of its cushions and the two chairs in the dining area were overturned. Walking in a little further, he found the table, in pieces on the kitchen floor. But that wasn't all. A lot of the dishes lay broken on the floor, and some blood spots were there, also.

Seeing all the damage, Tsuzuki built up a possible scenario of what had happened. Hisoka was crying, which meant he wasn't focussing on what he was doing. He ran into the apartment, but when he slammed the door, it didn't close all the way. With his front door, you have to close it while turning the handle to get it to shut properly. Since it wasn't, Hisoka must have been too distraught. That's when he went to the nearest item, the couch, and threw the cushions around. A broken vase lay by one of them, which suggested that it had knocked into it and pulled it off of the missing end table. The curtains were next. He must have seen the light streaming through them from the setting sun. Light was a symbol of hope and joy, which was the opposite of what he was feeling. Though it wouldn't have made a lot of sense to remove the thing that is blocking something you hate, but Hisoka wasn't exactly in a rational state of mind. So, after tearing up the curtains, he must have realized what he had done and stepped back, thinking how stupid he was. That's when he stepped back into one of the dining room chairs. He probably stared at it for a moment before thinking of his partner, and angrily knocked it over. His own chair was to come next. He probably figured that if his partner hadn't come over to eat with him, like he had been doing for so long, that he wouldn't eat at all. The table didn't look good sitting there on its own, so Hisoka tipped it over. That wouldn't have made it as badly broken as it lay when he came in, which suggested that Hisoka had kicked it and stepped on it, until the last little pieces led into the kitchen.

He must have figured that if no one was going to eat, then there was no need for dishes. Tsuzuki checked. All of the dishes were trashed, and the blood on the counters must have been from cuts forming on his hands. Oh, well. There was never any food in the refrigerator, anyway. This really got Tsuzuki worried. What had Hisoka been living on for the past 3 weeks! He had to find him. Worried that Hisoka would try to end his life, like Tsuzuki had caught him trying to do, near when they first became partners, he checked the bathroom. Thanks goodness, there was no blood, or a 3 week old Hisoka corpse. That left only one place left to check.

Slowly, Tsuzuki padded his way down the short hallway. The sobs he had heard from outside the door were getting louder, and he knew he had found Hisoka. There was no need to open the door, as it lay open. Hisoka normally never neglected to close the doors…. Stepping in, Tsuzuki saw more damage. The lamp was broken, Hisoka's clothes were scattered all over the place and his dresser was tipped over slightly. His mirror lay in pieces on the floor, which made it difficult for Tsuzuki to safely step inside. The bed was also turned onto its side… but he couldn't see Hisoka. instead of using his sight, he followed his ears, and finally, on the other side of the overturned bed was his partner.

Hisoka was sitting on the floor with his legs brought up to his chest. His hair looked like it could use a good washing, and Tsuzuki was sad to see that the other hadn't changed his clothes, either. He could tell, because he saw the splotches of HIS blood on his partner's clothes. Hisoka's eyes were open, but staring out at nothing. He didn't hear or see, and he couldn't sense his partner there staring at him. Hisoka had abandoned his empathy, because the pain it brought him had sent him over the edge. Tsuzuki was about to speak, until he saw that Hisoka was clutching something loosely in his hands. He was surprised to see that it was his watch. Looking down at his scarred wrist, Tsuzuki mentally slapped himself for not noticing its absence. Though… it may have been the only thing keeping Hisoka from going over the edge during Tsuzuki's absence.

--

Hisoka couldn't see. He didn't want to see what he had done to his home that he and Tsuzuki had put together so nicely. He couldn't hear. There was nobody there to listen to, anyway. He couldn't feel. That was a lie. He could feel, but pain was his only sensation. His mind hurt, his body protested from having been in that same position for so long, however long it had been, and his heart ached. He almost wished he could have a heart attack, too. Maybe then, he could be where his partner was, then. Somehow, he was convinced Tsuzuki was dead. He wanted to be dead, too, and he hated himself for promising Tsuzuki not so. Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki… that was all he could thin about. How was his partner? Was he, indeed, dead? Why hadn't he heard form Tatsumi or Watari? Then, he faintly remembered pulling out the phone cord upon his entrance.

He felt sick, and cold, and alone and empty. His stomach was empty and his mouth was dry, but he didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face the world that had only tortured him, in life and in death. He thought that would all change, with Tsuzuki in his life. But that was all over, wasn't it? he sobbed quietly again as a tear rolled down his puffy, red cheek.

He was about to give up, when suddenly, a hand moved into his field of vision. I startled him even more when he saw the jagged scars on the wrist that reached out to him. It reminded him of death. Was death finally there to claim him? He had wished for it, but now that it was there, he was terrified of it. Weakly, he tried to move away form the hand, but it came closer. Hisoka closed his eyes tight and held even tighter onto the wristwatch he had relieved Tsuzuki of. It was the last thing he had of his partner, and he wasn't going to give it up, even to death or the devil, himself.

Instead of the cold touch of death he had been expecting, the hand gently touched his cheek, wiped the tears away and then settled for softly stroking the battered cheek. Hisoka's eyes opened at the calming touch, and he looked up to find his hazy green eyes meeting lively. Yet sad amethyst orbs.

"Hisoka…"

He knew that voice, but his mind wasn't registering anything. He knew who it was before him, but it took an extra long time for his mouth to move. His throat was so dry.

"T-Tsu…zu…"

The kid could only get out those few letters before he looked down again and grabbed his throat. Tsuzuki's fear was right. Hisoka hadn't had anything in him hardly at all. Then, he remembered the bottle of water, and reached into his trench coat pocket and pulled it out. he extended it to Hisoka, who looked at it as if it were a UFO.

"Here, Hisoka… please take it."

He did, but his hands were too weak to open it. Tsuzuki did the honors and helped it to Hisoka's mouth. After he was sure the boy had gotten enough to drink, he set it down and put the cap back on it. Hisoka was leaning against the wall again, but he felt relaxed enough to change his position, straitening out his legs. Tsuzuki saw how tired his partner was. He must not have slept, either. But, seeing the reaction he got last time as one of pleasure and relaxation, Tsuzuki repeated the motion of stroking Hisoka's cheek, then his arm. Soon, though, Hisoka's mind woke up, and his eyes opened wide. He weakly slapped the hand away and scooted along the wall until he was further away from Tsuzuki, until he was sure what he was seeing was real. Tsuzuki gave him a tilted, confused look.

"Hisoka?"

"Tsuzuki… is it… is it really you this time?"

"Really me?"

"You keep coming by… saying that you're okay… but it was never the real you. You always left me…"

"…It's the real me."

"How can I know for sure? You sound just like the others. "

Sitting on the floor, like Hisoka, Tsuzuki tried to reach out and touch Hisoka, but the boy flinched away. Tsuzuki gave him a sad look.

"It's me, because… I'm not going to say I'm okay. I'm far from it."

Tears started to form in Hisoka's eyes.

"Seeing you like this, Hisoka, hurts more than anything I've ever experienced in my entire life, and afterlife."

"Tsuzuki…!"

This sad, alien Tsuzuki was the most real and genuine Hisoka had ever seen, and he broke down, collapsing onto Tsuzuki's lap. He cried and Tsuzuki rubbed comforting circles on his back. Hisoka was attached at his waist, and he had no intention of ever letting go. But that was okay… Tsuzuki didn't expect or WANT him to.

"Tsuzuki, why did you do this to me? I thought you were dead! I wanted to die, too! Tsuzuki, I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!"

But Tsuzuki only smiled.

"Thank you, Hisoka…"

over two hours had passed, and Tsuzuki was slightly aware of the late hour and the puddle forming on his lap. Hisoka was pretty much tired out, and so it was easy for Tsuzuki to move the boy so he was lying on his chest, as Tsuzuki leaned his back against the wall. Hisoka groaned and settled into the new position. He opened his eyes when Tsuzuki started talking.

"If I recall… you were comforting me this very same way before, Hisoka. I was so afraid and sad… a lot of people had died, and I thought it was all my fault. Luckily, you were there to call me and idiot and brig me back to my senses. I was almost lost, until you saved me. However… you've got it better than me. Do you know why?"

Hisoka weakly shook his head.

"Because nobody died… and I'll never leave you again, Hisoka. I'll be with you, your partner, forever."

Hisoka felt those words echo deep in his heart, and he smiled, just before falling into the best sleep he had ever had in his entire life.