Battlestar Galactica 2003 is a copyright of the Sci Fi Channel. Battlestar Galactica is a trademark and copyright of Universal Studios. Ron Moore re-imagined Glen A. Larson's original idea; but then again, most people who would be reading this already know that. My use is in no way intended to challenge or infringe upon any established copyrights. This piece is not intended for any profit on the part of the writer, nor is it meant to detract from the commercial viability of the aforementioned or any other copyright. Any similarity to any events or persons, either real or fictional, is unintended.

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Author's Note: I've been under a great deal of stress lately. That's my one and only excuse for such wank.

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The More Things Change…
by
Nevermore

Oh, frak me, Lee Adama thought as soon as he walked into the briefing room. He had steeled himself for this moment ever since they'd managed to rescue a large portion of the colonists on New Caprica, since he'd heard that she was on his ship and back in uniform. He'd been ready to look her in her eyes and suffer whatever reaction he was destined to receive. He had not, however, been ready for her scent.

Two dozen sour-smelling, out-of-practice pilots, and I'm somehow able to pick out that unmistakable combination of sweat, oil, and cheap Tauron perfume. Maybe Dee was right. Maybe I should have stayed in the CIC. Or maybe it's all a product of my over-active imagination.

"Commander," he heard her say, her flight suit snapping crisply as she gave what Lee assumed was her most formal salute since graduating the Academy.

Lee turned and came face-to-face with her, surprised at how little she had changed. She was glowing, and she smelled great, and the smile on her face made him forget everything that had gone wrong in the past two months. At least for a moment.

"I'm sorry about Sam," Lee said. And everything changed. Kara's expression – and mood – turning on a dime the way it always had.

"Yeah," Kara said, the brightness in her eyes blinking out, her smile melting into a frown, and a casual shrug of her shoulders trying to convince him that the telltale signs of her pain meant nothing. As if Lee would ever believe that.

"It's good to have you back, Captain," he said, all too aware of the strained uncertainty in his voice.

"It's good to be back, sir," she responded, her expression not matching her words.

I shouldn't have mentioned Sam, Lee decided, though he knew deep down that Kara would someday mention it if his first words weren't heartfelt condolences. He walked to the nearest corner and watched silently as Kara took over.

The briefing was beautiful and captivating in its banality, a dull, predictable routine falling into place where for months there had been apathy and disorder amongst a handful of experienced pilots and the glut of unqualified, unprofessional replacements for the veterans who abandoned their posts in favor of the promise of a different life on New Caprica. The real pilots are back now, Lee thought, forcing down a smile as Kara chewed out Hot Dog for being late and reminded them all that shore leave was now over, that they were back in a fight for the very existence of humanity.

Was she always this intense? Lee wondered, thinking that she hadn't been. But he pondered the question all the same. In his mind, it was hard to remember Kara as anyone other than the girl with the Hades-may-care grin. Even after all their fights, especially the last one – with all the vile insults and recriminations that could never be taken back – he couldn't think of her as any woman other than the one who flashed him a smile after saving his tail at Ragnar.

She stayed at the small podium as the pilots filed out, half of them to the flight deck to start drills and half to their racks for two hours of rest before it was their turn for maneuvers. Lee wondered if she was signaling him that she wanted to talk, or whether she just needed a few extra minutes to organize her papers. Only one way to find out, he decided.

"Kara," he said softly. She may as well have been a statue of Artemis for all that her body moved, though her gaze shifted from the podium to her commander.

"Sir?" she replied, remaining perfectly still.

"I…" Lee took a deep breath to stall for time as he tried to think of something to say, and some way to say it. Finally, he said, "I never thought I'd see you in this room again."

"Yeah… right."

"I'm serious," he assured her.

"I always knew I'd be back," she told him. "I always knew it. So did Sam. He…" Her voice cracked and she fought back a tear while Lee pretended not to notice. He gave her a few moments to collect herself, and then he started to move toward to the door.

"No," she said. "Don't leave."

"I need to get back to CIC," Lee lied.

"Sure you do," she said, smiling at him in that way she always did when she knew he was just giving her an excuse not to have to talk. This time, the smile was accompanied by tears and red, puffy eyes. "But I didn't know commanders could be such cowards."

"Excuse me?" Lee asked. He hadn't really thought about it over the last year, but he'd grown quite comfortable with not having anyone question his position as supreme lord of the Pegasus. He was surprised how he'd forgotten how quick Kara was to disregard protocol.

"You and I have a few things to say to each other," she answered. "We can either do this right now, or we can let it all build up and piss us off until we're at each other's throats again."

"This isn't the time." Lee turned on his heel and took a long stride toward the door when Kara's voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"I missed you," she said. Lee turned to look at her and saw that she was crying again.

"This isn't the time," he repeated.

"I think Sam knew it, too," she explained. "Like I said, I always knew I'd be back here someday. It was only a matter of time. There were lots of times I actually fell out of bed in the middle of the night. Sam asked me one night what I'd been dreaming about, and I told him it was nothing." A bitter smile spread across her lips as she told the story. "He asked me why I'd been screaming out orders to Kat and Joker, and that's when I admitted that I'd been dreaming about being back in a Viper. It happened plenty of times after that, too, and every time it happened he woke up and looked at me, and every time it seemed he was just a little bit sadder."

"Kara, really," Lee said. "We can talk some other time."

"He knew I missed it so much. Maybe a week before the cylons showed up, he called me his caged bird. It broke his heart to say it – I could see it in his eyes – but he did, and I think he knew."

"Knew what?"

"He knew I had to come back soon," Kara said. "I had to come back before something in me died. I could feel it dying while I was down there, Lee. I could feel it, and Sam could see it, and… Frak, he just knew I was going to leave him.

"Then he got sick, and I wanted to take care of him. But… Oh, gods, I can't even believe I'm saying this… I think I was even a little angry at him for getting sick, as if maybe he did it on purpose just to keep me around a little longer, because he knew I'd never leave him like that. Because it wasn't like I didn't love him… I still do, so much, but it wasn't like… I don't know."

"It'll be okay," Lee assured her.

"It's not frakking okay," Kara barked. "I never knew what people meant when they said that you can love someone and not be in love with them… not until the very end with Sam. I loved him, but I was in love with this place. I was in love with being here, and being in this fight, and being…" She sighed and threw up her hands in frustration. "Frak it, I was in love with being here with you."

"Oh," Lee murmured, his mind racing along at a mile a minute as he searched for something more constructive to say.

"I know you're with Dee," Kara said, finally walking out from behind the podium, hesitant steps bringing her closer to Lee. "And it's not like I'm even suggesting that there should be anything between us, because hey – baggage. I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know that I'm not here because the cylons are back. I'm not here because Sam is dead. I'm here because you were right last time we talked." She chuckled ruefully, and then rephrased. "The last time we fought," she corrected. "You were right, and everything I said was wrong, and all those things I told you… it was because I think that deep down I knew you were right, and I hated that. I hated that you could see something in me that I didn't want to admit was there. I hated that you knew I didn't belong down there. I knew I was hurting you and your father by leaving, and part of me knew that someday I'd hurt Sam by leaving him to come back up here. So I lashed out that night, and I said everything I knew that would drive you away, that would make you never want to speak to me again. Because if you never talked to me, then I'd never have to deal with how you know me better than I know myself."

"I really should get going," Lee said, Kara now standing right in front of him. Her scent was overwhelming now, and intoxicating, and he knew from experience that with his luck, Dee was moments away from opening the briefing room door and coming to some unfortunate conclusions.

"I know I can be a little moody and unpredictable," Kara admitted, taking another half-step toward Lee. Now he could feel her breath, he could smell stale coffee and cigars, and he could see a beautiful, dangerous spark dancing behind her eyes.

"A little unpredictable," Lee agreed.

"But I want you to know that no matter what I say, and no matter what I do, I couldn't be happier than being here on Pegasus with you. Sir."

"You'll always be welcome on my ship," Lee replied, foregoing a salute and opting for a tight hug. Kara's body shuddered as soon as his arms closed around her, and only then did Lee realize that she had spilled her guts without having any kind of idea what kind of response she would get. She probably had herself convinced that I'd laugh in her face and walk away, he decided.

"Thank you," she sobbed into his shoulder. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, tears freely running down her face. "Thank you."

"Thank you, Lee," he prompted. "Please Kara… there's no one around right now – call me Lee."

"Thank you… Lee," she said, a thin smile forming on her face. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder again, and repeated, "Thank you, Lee. You'll never know…"

"I know," he told her. They stood silently for several moments, each enjoying the closeness without needing to say another word.

"I'd better get going," she finally said, slowly pulling herself out of his grasp.

"You don't have to," Lee replied, suddenly shocked and uncomfortable with how small his world seemed once Kara was out of his arms.

"Yeah, I do," she responded. "We're all gonna be rusty in the cockpit, and we only have a few days to get ready to go back there and get the rest of our people off that damned rock."

"Right."

"Besides, if you think Dee doesn't already know exactly how alone we are in here – and how overdue we both are down on the deck – then you're out of your mind."

"You let me worry about Dee," Lee said, practically wincing as he spoke. It wasn't the words, it was the meaning – he knew in that moment that he and Dee were done, and he knew it would be impossible for her not to figure out why.

"I'll see you on the flight deck, sir," Kara said as she opened the door. "And Lee," she added.

"Yeah Kara?"

"Call me Starbuck," she said, her Hades-may-care grin right back where it belonged.

Fin