The Love of a Silent Star

The Darkest Place is in ones own Mind

Chapter Twenty

Edward's P.O.V

I am empty.

From before I can remember I did not have a name and yet I was told that my name is Edward.

I am hollow.

The memories that I hold are what some would call disgusting and vile. They mean nothing to me. I do not ever remember feeling anything now or then. No love, hate, jealousy, desire, devotion, affection, disdain, horror, revulsion, disgust, nor do I remember feeling any loyalty toward anyone. The only thing that I can honestly say that I…enjoyed was perhaps lust or sexual pleasure, but even then that was temporary.

I do not remember much about where I lived or where I come from, except the fact that it was always cold. So cold. Even the people were hard hearted and also cold.

My mother was what some use as the term 'whore' or 'slut.' I don't believe that this is what I would call her, fore I have never experienced what a true mother is really like. So these names mean nothing to me. She was what is considered a very lustful woman. That's a laugh.

I have been the product of rape, abuse, torture, molestation, and neglect. This has been my life ever since I was born. Some might believe that it is weird but I do not mind this sort of treatment. When I am given a hug, I do not care, when I am kissed, it is nothing, when one says they love me, the words are empty to me.

I am void of emotion.

My mother enjoyed torture and pain, and never seemed to mind anything that the men did to her. Before I was born, I was told that she had been a religious woman, and that she had always wanted a family. I never bought it of course.

My mother loved to do many things to me, when she was……hot, I do believe the term is. I'm sure she was quite disappointed when I did not…lets see, how did she put it…oh yes…"stuff my little cock into her." I truly never did, fore I was somewhat small when she died. The screams, groans and laughs was never new to me. I don't know if I would have actually enjoyed "stuffing my little cock" into her. She did not intrigue me in that sort of way. So let the other men have their fun with her.

Before she became a "whore," she had still wanted a family. She believed that her wish had come true when of course got a man. He turned out to be…not quite the man I would have wanted.

She turned hard to the world, when he abused her. I was told once this story, before I was born of course, that man did not know he would have a child. My…father had just finished raping my mother. Hmmm lets see, I don't truly know if she enjoyed herself, at first, I was not told that particular detail, although I would have enjoyed knowing. Anyway he had been turning her over and of course hit her in the stomach, I was not there yet.

She began to laugh aloud. I did not think this was weird nor humorous nor interesting. She rolled on her side and continued to laugh. When she stopped she pulled him back down and started too…well I would say rape, but I'm sure he enjoyed himself.

After that she just enjoyed what he did to her. He walked out of her life two days later, but of course not before I was…included in her body.

My mother broke, and turned from everything warm and caring. She went to the whore house and just sold herself to men for money. I was born a little later. My "father" came in off and on, fucking her like there was no tomorrow. He had never seen me until that one night. He of course thought me to be trash and decided to discard me. It didn't work though, I lived.

I have always been barren.

My father took my mother and me to this home, I guess it could be called that. We stayed there for about……three days, I'd say. Some men came in though, at night. I was in a room with my mother, when I heard yelling. Something to do with money, how ironic, this world feeds on nothing but money. Without money one simply does not exist. Well my father obviously did not have money, so after a lot of yelling and screaming, my father did not exist anymore. Now that is ironic.

I heard loud crashing like someone was breaking and throwing things around. Everything went silent for but a moment, than I heard heavy boots walking on the wooden floor. They were loud and at the time I did not consider a lot to be annoying.

The door slammed open, revealing a bear of a man. Blood was on his cloths and this ridicules grin was on his face. He had a bloody 12 inch k-bar in his hand. My mother smiled, not out of welcoming of course. She stood and came closer to the man, not really minding the knife in his hand.

"I do hope you killed that bastard in the other room, he was so small and dried up. I know you won't be like that…now will you big boy?" She purred. She was referring to my fathers dick. What she said was a lie of course, I've seen my father, and he was neither small nor dried up.

The man grabbed my mother by the waist and pulled her to him. He lowered his head and sniffed her neck, most likely smelling her perfume, although I am not a mind reader. He slipped the knife in the back of his messy jeans and un-zipped the front of his pants. Now that guy was small, and I'm not joking about that either.

My mother of course moaned into the little play, until another came in to the room. I just stayed still watching the threesome take place. These sex shows, had become rather boring after some time, and I was not interested in them. It was pretty much the same, except this time.

When they had finished with her, she was too tired to do anything. One threw her against the wall, and laughed.

"So you like to play rough, is that it baby?" The smaller man said. He smiled poorly and licked his lips, pulling out a Swiss army knife. He walked over to my mother and stabbed the knife into the floor. He grabbed her leg and ran his hands up and down her thighs. He motioned for the other man to come over and he as well grabbed another leg. He held that one still, while the other man snapped his leg in two, breaking the bone. My mother screamed in agony, I don't think she enjoyed that type of pleasure. The man that had broken the leg, then proceeded to pull the leg to the side, ripping the muscle and bone, he then bent the leg up under my mothers ass.

The other man proceeded to do the same thing. The smaller man removed the knife from the hard wood floor.

"You are going to enjoy this baby, you like to be fucked, well my little knife hasn't had a good fucking in some time, and I think right now is perfect as any."

I didn't move to protect her.

I watched as the man rammed the knife into my mother and proceeded to move the knife back and forth, ripping at my mother. The larger man, did the same except in her ass. When they had had enough of her screams, the smaller man wrenched the knife out and did an incision on her stomach, opening her up. He made sure that every organ and intestine was showing. He smiled again when the blood flowed freely. My mother had passed out from pain by now.

The small man stood and the other grabbed my mothers hair and cut into her neck. He cut almost cleanly through, laughing when the blood spurted out onto him. When nothing more came, he released her head and let it slump to the side. He also stood and looked at me. He came over and kicked me in the stomach and kept doing that for several minutes. He stopped, looked at me, than merely walked away. I don't remember seeing them again.

I didn't feel anything, I tuned my eyes and looked at my mother. Blood was washing over the floor and over to me. I closed my eyes than. For several days I did not move, even when the rats and bugs came. Men came soon after and took me.

I was cleaned up, and that house was burned. I was then taken to several different places. I was put in many trucks and boats with other children, that whined and complained. I was taught how to fuck and kiss and kill just right. Interesting for me, like when a child gets a new toy, that was what I……felt. I was taught many things, different languages, reading, writing, I was taught how to live on the streets, acquiring drugs. I was given many lessons on learning a person by one look or glance.

When they believed me to be "ready," they offered me an interesting arrangement. It meant a new life, a new job, but first I had too past a test or two. I had thought they wanted sex, but no, they wanted me to kill William. They asked me to tell him to say, "I love you," rather pointless to me, fore the words mean nothing to me.

I killed him of course, and with that I started a somewhat new life. I was used on what they called missions. I was told to kill, seduce and use people, for information and anything else that might come in use later. These people trusted me, when I succeeded in every mission. I cleaned up their dirty work, for a different life. When they trusted me completely, I was given a passport, and a guardian, where I was intending on going to Ishbal on another mission, but my stupid fucking guardian fucked everything up, and I ended up in Central City, well that's what I believe its called.

The rest is boring, my guardian was arrested and locked up, I was sent through the system and placed with a family.

I met Alphonse pretty much first, he reminded me of William. He seemed to be kind and gentle, but after I had kissed him I found out he could be quite jealous. He has tried to kill me and hurt me, but he always says he loves me. And it seems like everyday, he always manages to remind me that I am empty. My eye caught on with Alphonse's father, Roy. He was what is termed in high school, "the local hotty." I do admit that he was much more attractive than Alphonse. Plus he had the money and clearance for many things. I found out that he had retired from the military as a Brigadier General or some title.

Seeing as I had no where to go for the moment and nothing better to do, I decided to manipulate this family. I used a combination of sex and lust and often money, with the mother. I used them for pocket money and of course with my services I could get some leeway, especially with Roy. Roy of course was bored with his wife, even though he stated to love her, so when I introduced my body to him, he did what any man would do, that is bored with there dried up wives, he used me to get pleasure, and of course stated to love me. I noticed how much this affected Alphonse, so decided to play a little game, well I would call it a game. I hurt them all in more ways than one.

I had people killed with sheer manipulation on my part.

Than I met Lust. She was a character. I was intrigued in many ways by her, not just by her looks, personality, or most likely her style of sex, but the fact that she seemed oddly familiar to me. She was somewhere at the back of my mind, but I could not picture her completely. Like she was there, but not there. She is different from others, and for some reason that bugs the hell out of me. She knows me, she does not fear me, she does not love me. She is someone that I have met before. And not just when I came to this family. When I was being taken by that man, that man that called me unique and perfect.

I received a note, just two days before. From someone , I do not know who. I have been ordered to kill Russell Tringham, Roy Mustang, Riza Mustang, and Alphonse Mustang. It "concerns" me that I have received no order to kill Lust.

The mind can be a very dangorous place, most likely if one does not understand the mind. The mind can be a perfect retreat for someone, or it can be one's worst, darkest nightmare.

I am barren.

I am hollow.

And I always will be empty.