Hello everyone! I hope you all are doing well. Here's the next chapter for you all, I'm sorry it's a little late today. But I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless.
Just a reminder, there won't be an update for Whatever Comes Next this week, I've got some stuff going on, but hopefully next week I'll be able to get back into my usual posting schedule.
Thank you so much for reading, I can't wait to hear what you all think!
***UPDATE, FEB. 1 2021: I'm not sure if anyone will even see this, but I'm not able to get an update posted for you all this week. I know I said I was wanting to get back on my usual posting schedule, but I wasn't able to get the chapter finished. I'll explain more next week when I update, but if anyone comes looking for this weeks update and happens to see this, just know it'll be posted next week. I'm really sorry.
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Five
Casey's head rested back against the hard wall behind him, his tired body collapsed down into the uncomfortable hospital chair as he sat in the waiting room. He'd been here for a while, Matt checking the clock every few minutes to see how much time had passed, as the seconds that ticked by felt like hours, the quiet around them only making time go by slower as the waiting room had thinned out throughout the evening. But the people who had left didn't include any of 51's firefighters, as the entirety of the firehouse was still sitting and waiting for any news on their paramedics, no one wanting to go anywhere until they knew more of what was going on, even though Boden had sent everyone home hours ago.
The house had been taken out of service after what happened today, and losing Foster, Boden soon telling his men and women they were allowed to head home. But not one of them left. None of them even thought about it, not when Dawson and Brett were still in surgery. So here they sat, the house along with Jemma, and Ramon and Antonio who had shown up hours ago, all having been moved to a waiting room on a different floor where they could wait for news on their paramedics, it now well into the evening as the sun had set long ago. But Casey wasn't really focused on what was going on around him, he wasn't focused on anything other than the door as he waited for an update. For any update that would let him know how his wife was doing.
But so far, he'd gotten nothing.
And it was slowly driving him crazy.
Gabby had been in surgery for hours now, but he knew nothing of how it was going, or how she was doing. They'd told him nothing. And while on one hand that was comforting, Matt glad that their only focus was on helping his wife, on the other, it was enough to panic him, as the husband couldn't understand why her surgery was taking this long. From everything her doctor had said, the bleeding they were going in to fix wasn't too severe, it wasn't anything too bad, yet it had been hours without a word. And the longer he sat here, the more he was beginning to believe that whatever was wrong with Gabby was much worse than what he'd been told.
But every time those thoughts creeped into his mind, he forced them away, Matt knowing he couldn't afford to focus on that. Not when he was barely hanging on as it was, Casey hardly keeping it together as all he could think about was the sight of Gabby being crushed in the back of that ambulance, and the sound of her pain-filled screams hitting his ears.
And maybe the hardest one for him to forget, the one that had kept those tears in his eyes the entire time they were here, as he couldn't shake the terror he felt when Gabby coded in the back of the ambulance, his wife's life in his hands as he saw her slipping away right before his very eyes.
"You're gonna be okay, baby… You'll be okay."
Casey continued to murmur those words as he kneeled beside her in the back of the ambulance, his hand clasped tightly in her limp one as Jemma was working up by her head, the paramedic currently cutting open Gabby's shirt so she could get the monitor on her. Though Casey wasn't able to register much of what was going on around him as his eyes were focused solely on Gabby's face, the sight of blood staring back at him hard to stomach as he brought her hand up to his lips, before kissing her knuckles gently.
But what he saw on her face was nothing compared to what was waiting for him once Jemma got her shirt out of the way, Casey choking back a sob when he got his first look at her bruised and battered body. Her entire chest and abdomen were covered in cuts and scrapes, her skin already slightly discolored as you could see all the trauma she'd sustained. Though even in the haze his mind was in, Matt knew this likely wasn't the extent of it.
"Oh my God." Jemma barely got out, her voice getting caught in her throat as tears welled in her eyes, Matt shaking his head roughly as he held onto Gabby's hand tighter.
"You'll be okay." Matt whispered as he kissed her hand once more, Jemma continuing to work on Dawson while Casey focused his eyes back on her face. "You'll be okay, you'll be okay… You're okay."
He continued to repeat those words over and over against her skin, Matt forcing himself to keep a level head despite the injuries his wife had sustained, as his only focus right now was getting her to the hospital. As long as they got her there, he believed she'd be okay, Casey doing what he could to stay out of Jemma's way as Gabby continued to lay motionless on the gurney, the husband knowing that was the best possible thing he could do to help at the moment.
But his quiet words of assurance stopped suddenly as the monitor began beeping like crazy out of nowhere, Matt's teary eyes darting towards the screen just as Jemma had finished assessing her. And before Matt could even ask what was going on, her heart stopped, the sound of the flatline almost taunting him as Gabby laid there completely unresponsive.
"No, no no no…" He spoke quietly as Jemma's eyes flew to the monitor, Matt shaking his head while fresh tears escaped down his cheeks. "No, no- Don't. Gabby, come on." He pleaded as he lifted himself up, And before he could even think, he clasped his bloody hands together and began compressions against her chest, Gabby's body giving way underneath his rhythmic movements as she was still completely motionless.
"Casey-"
"I've got this!" He shouted as he continued, Jemma's teary eyes focused on him before she nodded, the paramedic grabbing the bag attached to the tube coming from her mouth as they began to work on her together. Though he was barely able to focus, Matt's instincts and training kicked in as he mentally counted through each set of compressions, the firefighter only stopping when needed for Jemma to pump oxygen into her lungs, before he'd continue on again.
And they kept this going the entire time, as Gabby had yet to regain a pulse.
"Gabby, baby, come on- Please, please." He begged as his vision was being clouded by his tears, Matt tilting his head to the side to wipe them away on his jacket while he moved, his compressions the only sign of life showing on the heart monitor as he and Jemma were the one thing keeping her alive right now.
"We're a minute out!" Those words came from the front seat, but Matt barely heard them as he continued pumping against her chest.
"Come on, Dawson." Jemma bit out as hot tears slid down her skin, Matt continuing his forceful movements as he was desperate to get her back. "Come on-"
"She can't die." Casey coughed out, Jemma looking up at him quickly as he kept going.
"Matt-"
"She can't die!" He shouted before a heavy sob left his lips, Matt fighting through his own emotions to keep going as he knew he had to. "She can't- I can't lose her, she can't die, Jemma." He spoke through his cries, Jemma fighting to keep herself composed as she watched Casey fall apart in front of her. "I… I need you. Gabby, I need you, baby." He said shakily as he continued his compressions. "I- God- We need you. Sof, Caitlyn, they need you, baby. They need their mom… Please, baby. We need you. We need you, you can't do this. Come on." He choked out as another heavy sob escaped his lips, his movements halting for a second for Jemma to push air into her lungs.
"You can't leave us, don't- don't go… I need you. I need you."
"Casey…"
Matt's eyes snapped into focus when he registered the sound of his name being called, the man blinking a few times before he looked towards the voice, Casey finding Severide watching him from the row of seats across from him with an intent look on his face.
"You okay?"
"What?" He questioned, his voice hoarse from lack of use as he forced himself to sit up a little more in his seat, Kelly's worried eyes never leaving him before he continued.
"You were saying something, or whispering something I guess." He explained, Matt's eyes narrowing slightly in confusion before he began looking around, the Captain only just now noticing the eyes of everyone else in the room on him. "You alright?"
"Oh, uh… Yeah, I'm fine." He replied shortly, Severide nodding before he leaned back in his seat, Casey's hands pressing down onto his legs as he straightened his spine, his body feeling a little sore from being in one position for so long. But he'd felt just as sore, if not more so, when he'd been up and walking around, as up until maybe an hour ago, he'd spent the entire time pacing back and forth in the waiting room. It wasn't until his body nearly buckled underneath him that he'd been forced to sit down, Matt's legs giving out for a moment after all his walking around as Jemma and Severide had been at his side in an instant and practically pushed him down into a chair, while Kidd had gone to get him a drink and something to eat, everyone's focus shifting Casey for a moment.
But that was the last thing he wanted, Matt having assured them all he was fine, and drinking some of the juice and eating a few crackers for their benefit so they'd leave him alone. Even though the last thing he wanted was food, and the very last thing he cared about right now was himself.
This wasn't about him, or how he was feeling. He didn't need anyone in here worrying about him, not when Gabby was God knows where in this hospital, when he had no idea about her condition. She was what mattered, not him. He didn't matter here at all, no one else mattered. Not to him.
The only important thing here was Gabby. All he cared about was her, and making sure she came out of this okay. That she would be fine, that he wasn't about to lose his wife. That Caitlyn and Sofia weren't about to be left without their mom.
That's what mattered, and he didn't give a damn about himself.
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt placed his head back against the wall once more before he brought his hands up to rest over his face, a slow, heavy breath escaping his lips as he sat there in this position for a few moments. And as he did, Casey was suddenly grateful for the fact that Kelly had made him go wash up a few hours ago, as Gabby's blood was no longer covering his skin. It was still on his gear, Matt unable to change from his turnout gear since they arrived, there being splotches of his wife's blood covering his clothes. But at least it was no longer on his person, Matt having to remind himself to breathe every few moments as he sat here in between Ramon and Antonio, all three men desperate to hear any updates on Gabby.
"Are you all here for Sylvie Brett?"
Casey swallowed thickly as he slowly dropped his hands from his face, the firefighter having to squash down the hopefulness he felt when he first heard the new voice in the room, as it was quickly apparent it wasn't the doctor he was hoping for as a few of the other first responders around him stood up.
"We are." Boden replied as he walked over towards the doctor, everyone else gathering around while Matt, and the Dawsons, stayed in their seats. "How is she?"
"Well, it was a long, and difficult, surgery. But we were able to get her shoulder put back together." He began to explain, his words causing a few of them to wince in response. "Her injury was severe, and she'll have a very long recovery ahead of her… And it won't be easy on her, I don't want to sugar coat anything. Her shoulder was in pieces, and her arm was severely broken. It… it was a lot. And while we were able to get it all put back together, it won't be an easy road."
"But she'll be okay?" Cruz asked, the man drawing in a deep breath before he spoke up.
"We were able to repair the break, and hopefully her recovery goes well… I can't give you any more than that, I'm sorry." He replied honestly, the mood in the room no less heavy than it was a moment ago as a few of them nodded. "But the important thing is she's alive, and hopefully everything goes smoothly from here."
"Thank you, Doctor." The Chief responded, the man nodding as Kidd spoke up.
"Is she awake?" Stella asked as she had her arms crossed over her chest.
"She's not… she's still sedated, and it'll probably be a few hours before she wakes up. Then once she does, Sylvie will likely be out of it for a while, with all the medication she's on. But under the circumstances, that's probably for the best."
"Can we see her?" Kidd pressed, the doctor pursing his lips together. "I know she's not awake, but still… I don't think any of us want her to wake up alone. And her parents won't be able to get her until tomorrow." She finished, her words earning a nod from the older man.
"You can go and sit with her." He told her, Stella releasing a slow, thankful breath before she nodded. "Normally this late we only allow family, but, understandably, I think an exception can be made. One or two of you can go and sit with her, I'll take you to her room." He answered, Kidd giving him a thankful look before she looked towards Boden.
"Chief, can I…"
"Of course." Boden spoke without a thought, Stella smiling softly before she took a step forward, her eyes immediately moving towards Severide.
"I'll let you know when we get an update on Dawson." He answered her silent question, Kidd nodding in response.
"Thank you." She replied as her eyes moved over towards the row of men seated by the wall, before focusing on one in particular. "Antonio…" She spoke up, the sound of his name gaining his attention as he immediately looked towards Kidd. "Do you want to come?" Stella offered, the firefighter seeing his instant confusion as his lips parted slightly. "I mean, I know you two aren't-" She stopped herself, shaking her head lightly. "I just wasn't sure if you'd want to see her, I'm sure she'd like you to be there, if you want."
"Oh, uh… You go ahead." He answered, Kidd pausing for a moment before she nodded. "I want to wait and see about my sister… But I'll stop by later."
"Alright."
"Chief, can I go?" Cruz asked from his position across the room, Boden quickly nodding as he had his hands on his hips.
"You two go and sit with her, let us know how she is."
"We will." Kidd replied, the two firefighters saying a few more words to everyone around them before they followed the doctor out of the room.
"Well, thank God Brett will be okay." Otis spoke softly, his words causing a few people to nod as there was a moment of relief around them with the knowledge that their PIC made it through surgery.
But that relief was short lived for most, and in Matt's case, it never came, as all he cared about right now was Gabby, and what might've been going on with her at the moment. He was glad Brett would be alright, but he also didn't have the energy to focus on it, or anything, other than his wife, as the fact that he had no idea about her condition was continuing to eat away at him.
One of their paramedics was dead, one of them was severely injured, with months of rehabilitation ahead of her, and the third one, they still had no idea about.
And that last one was what was causing Casey to nearly lose his mind.
He knew it was selfish, he knew he was a terrible person for it, that all he was focused on was Gabby, but it didn't have it in him to care. Not right now. And he probably wouldn't for awhile, not until he knew the woman that was at the center of his entire world would be okay.
Blowing out a sharp breath, Casey continued to sink into his seat, his leg shaking up and down nervously as he kept his eyes on the entrance to the waiting room, the Captain hoping that would somehow will the doctor to come faster. Though he knew that wasn't possible, Matt continuing to shift around in his chair as he wasn't able to stay still. And all the nervous energy he was holding onto was making its way around the room, as everyone was able to feel just how on edge he truly was. Though no one could blame him.
"...Maybe I should go check for an update." Ramon eventually spoke up, Matt's head snapping towards him as Antonio leaned forward slightly in his seat, both of them watching the older Dawson intently. "Surely they have something they can tell us, it's been hours."
"I'll come with you." Antonio told him, Ramon giving him a nod before both Dawson men stood up, Matt's eyes bouncing back and forth between them before he moved to get up as well. But he didn't get very far before Ramon placed his hand on Casey's shoulder.
"Why don't you stay here?" He suggested, the older man knowing just how unsteady he'd been on his feet earlier, Matt's face faltering slightly before he leaned back into the chair. "They probably won't be able to tell us much anyway, but if we find out anything, we'll come straight back…" He continued, Casey opening his mouth to argue, but Ramon cut him off before he could. "I promise." The older man finished, Matt releasing a heavy breath before he nodded.
He wasn't sure if it was the events of today finally catching up to him, or if he truly was just too exhausted to put up a fight, but this was one battle he decided not to take part in, Ramon offering him a comforting smile before he began to walk away.
"We'll be right back… Maybe try and eat some more while we're gone." He added on, Casey merely nodding before the two men left the room, Matt ignoring the stares he felt from his coworkers as he closed his eyes, that familiar tense quiet settling back over them within a few moments.
But that quiet only lasted so long before Matt heard Jemma's voice, the woman having not said much over the last few hours. "...He's right, Matt." She spoke softly, the firefighter opening his eyes as his gaze immediately moved towards his friend, the woman still planted in her seat across from him as Severide sat back down next to her. "You really should eat something."
"I'm okay."
"You nearly fell over earlier." Kelly added on without hesitance, Casey biting his tongue to keep himself from saying something he shouldn't, Jemma and Severide both watching on with worried eyes. "At least finish that juice, you need something in you."
"Kelly-"
"Drink it, Casey." He spoke a little more forcefully, the Captain narrowing his eyes as Severide stood his ground. "I'm serious, you need to eat, or drink… something. I know you're worried about Dawson, and the last thing you care about is yourself, but we can't do anything for her… Right now, we can't do anything. All you can do is take care of yourself, because this is about more than just Gabby." He continued on, Matt's face softening at the indirect mention of his little girls, his eyes falling closed for a split second before they opened once more, the two men locking gazes before Severide shrugged lightly. "...What? You asked for my help, this is me helping. Now drink your juice… And eat your crackers."
Casey released a heavy breath before he reached forward for the food that was sitting on the table, Kelly wearing a somewhat proud look on his face as Matt began to eat his food. It was a bit stale, but he didn't so much care about the taste right now as he knew Severide and Jemma had a point, even though he didn't necessarily want to admit it.
But they were right, even if he didn't care about himself, he had to, for his girls. For all his girls.
"Man, who knew it was that simple to get him to listen to me?" Severide spoke up after a few minutes as Casey was nearly done with his snack, his tone light as to defuse some of the obvious heaviness around them. And it worked, for a moment, Matt shaking his head lightly before taking another bite of the food.
"You sounded just like Gabby." Casey replied with a soft scoff, his words bringing a small grin to Severide's face. "Whenever we're trying to get Caity to eat, you sound just like her."
"Yeah, well I learned from the best." Kelly responded instantly, Matt unable to stop the slight smile that tugged on his lips. But it was one that didn't reach his eyes, his face soon faltering as Severide saw the exact moment the weight of all of this began to hit him again, Matt placing his drink down as he drew in a deep breath.
"Matt…" Jemma spoke softly, Casey shaking his head lightly before Severide spoke up.
"She'll be okay, man." He told him, Matt swallowing the thick lump that was beginning to form in his throat as Kelly gave him as assuring of a look as he could. "I truly believe that, she'll be fine. She'll come out of this, because she's Dawson… She fights like hell, she always has." He continued on, his words beginning to calm Casey down as that small, sad smile reappeared over his lips. "And this time will be no different… She'll make it out of this, Casey." He finished, Matt merely nodding as he tried to let Kelly's word really sink in, the man needing to believe them or else he'd completely lose his mind.
"Matt."
Casey's eyes darted away from Severide the second he heard his name, his eyes widening as he saw not only Ramon and Antonio standing in the doorway, but they were now accompanied by Gabby's doctor in the entrance of the room. Scrambling to his feet, Matt nearly tripped over himself to get up before he hurried towards them, Severide and Jemma following directly behind him as the focus in the entire room shifted.
"You're… you're done? Gabby, she-" Casey stuttered out, his desperate eyes darting between Dr. Jennings and Ramon, almost like his father-in-law might've known something he didn't. "You finished the surgery?"
"I did." He replied calmly, the man unable to get another word in before Casey was speaking up again, his frantic tone alerting everyone to just how worried he was.
"Is she okay? Gabby, is she-" He stopped himself, tears prematurely welling in his eyes as he wasn't able to get a read on the doctor he'd really only met hours ago. But once he nodded slightly, Matt felt relief flood his entire body as a few tears escaped down his skin.
"She made it through."
The second those words left his lips, it felt like Matt could finally breathe again, a choked out sob escaping his lips before he stumbled backwards slightly, Severide keeping him up as the weight of this finally released from his chest.
"Oh my God." He barely got the words out, Kelly wrapping his arm around his friend as tears continued rolling down his cheeks, his breaths choppy and short as he forced himself to breathe. "She's… she's alive?"
"She is." He repeated, Ramon and Antonio latching onto one another as relief filled the entire room, Matt unable to keep himself together as grateful tears were pouring from his eyes, the husband overcome with a hundred different emotions as the doctor gave him a small smile. "I know today has been a lot, for all of you… But Gabby made it through the surgery. We were able to get the bleeding under control, and fix it to where it shouldn't happen again."
"Thank you." Ramon breathed out, Dr. Jennings turning to look at the worried father. "Thank you for saving my little girl." He added on, a few of the firefighters behind them hugging one another as they'd gotten the assurance they needed that Gabby had made it through.
But their joy didn't last long once the doctor continued on.
"You don't need to thank me." He spoke softly, his eyes moving back towards Casey as the man had just finished hugging Jemma. "...But there are some things we need to discuss, in regards to Gabby and her condition."
When they all registered what he said, it was like all the air in the room disappeared, Casey's face falling in an instant before a look of pure terror flickered in his eyes, everyone's relief now long gone.
"What's wrong?" Antonio was the first to speak up, Matt's tear-filled eyes focused on the man who was in charge of his wife's care. "I thought you said she's alright?"
"I said she made it through surgery." He clarified, Casey blinking quickly as his mouth suddenly felt very dry, Kelly nearly holding him up at this point. "But there were some complications, and Gabby… she went through a lot."
"What happened?" Ramon pressed as Matt was in no position to speak, his entire body feeling numb as the doctor continued.
"When Gabby was brought in, she had sustained a lot of injuries, a lot of trauma to her body, from being thrown around the back of that ambulance." He started, his heavy words causing most around them to grimace as Matt's face remained unchanging. "Not to mention how she'd already been coding in the back of the ambulance on the way here, so the surgery itself wasn't easy."
"What's all is wrong with her?" Ramon continued to push, though the doctor's eyes never left Casey as he continued to explain what all had happened to Gabby.
"Well, she has a lot of extensive bruising and contusions, over most of her body. Along with a lot of cuts and scrapes, and there was a pretty nasty cut above her eye, which will all take a while to heal. There's a pretty deep laceration on her thigh, from what I'm not sure, but it is a fairly deep cut. We were able to get it cleaned and stitched up, but that will also take some time to heal. And then we did have to fix her elbow… She had dislocated it in the crash." He told them, Casey wincing at the information he hadn't known yet. "But we were able to get it back in place. That will likely be sore for a while, and she'll have to take it easy with that arm… Our scans didn't show any shoulder damage, at least not anything being torn, but she might've sprained something, so we'll need to take things carefully. It mostly depends on how long it is until she wakes up, but we might need to keep her in a sling for a little bit, we'll have to see." He told them, the man trying to speak as slowly and precisely as he could, but he knew it was a lot all at once.
Especially when he hadn't gotten to the worst of it yet.
"And then another thing we were concerned about when she first came in was any possible spinal damage, just because of the extent of her injuries. But we found nothing to cause alarm on her scans in that regard. Everything looked the way it should, but still, just from the extent of the trauma alone, she'll likely be in some discomfort for a while when she wakes up. And our other concern was her head, and all the severe bleeding from the head wounds she had when she first arrived. But, again, our scans showed no indication of any brain damage. But, with that, we just-... we won't know more till she wakes up." He explained to them, Matt's eyebrows furrowing at his words as he was trying to digest everything that was being told to him. But it was nearly impossible, and it was like the man had a never ending list of things that were wrong with Gabby, the reality of the situation making him nauseous.
"Now… there is one more thing I need to discuss with you all, why this surgery took us so long." He continued on, Casey swallowing thickly as he shrugged himself out of Severide's grip, the Captain suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded. "And that had to do with Gabby's heart."
"What happened?" Antonio cut in, the man sighing softly before he spoke up once more.
"As you all know, Gabby coded in the ambulance on the way here. And while they were able to get her heart beating again, when she was in the ER, it was touch and go… We were able to get her stable enough to be taken to surgery, but once she was under anesthesia, her heart was having a hard time beating on it's own." He explained as best he could, Casey's head slowly filling with white noise as he forced himself to focus. "And during surgery, her heart did stop, multiple times."
"Oh my God…" Ramon breathed out, Jemma blinking back the tears in her eyes as Herrmann came to place his hand over her shoulder, Matt taking short, heavy breaths as the man continued.
"We were able to get her back, but her heart did stop three times while we were in there, and it was… significant. It was a significant amount of time where she didn't have a pulse." He told them, his words hanging in the air around them as Casey stared straight ahead, his teary eyes unmoving as everyone was watching him. But he didn't even register it, his chest getting tighter and tighter by the second.
"...So what does that mean?" Antonio questioned after a beat of silence, the old man pursing his lips together in thought for a moment.
"Truthfully? We won't know until she wakes up." He answered as honestly as he could, though his words were less than assuring. "Between her coding in the ambulance, and the amount of times her heart stopped during surgery, I'm not sure what damage that caused. And it's impossible to know the extent of it until she's up."
"Do you know when that'll be?"
"I don't." He replied, Antonio nodding after a second as he held his tongue. "Gabby, she… Her body needs to rest." He spoke surely, a few of the first responders around him nodding. "It might be awhile before she wakes up… It could be a few hours, or maybe even a few days, there's no way for us to know. This is up to Gabby now." He told them, Antonio and Ramon both nodding sadly. "But she is stable, and all in all, she got very lucky. I know it's not much comfort right now, but it could've been a lot worse." He told them, Casey clearing his throat as he felt fresh tears filling his eyes, the man still trying to grasp all of this as he clenched his hands together in front of him.
And once Dr. Jennings finally looked back towards him, he saw just how much distress Matt was holding onto, the man giving him a sad smile.
"Mr. Casey."
"Gabby, she's…" He began to stutter, his throat bobbing up and down as his eyebrows were knitted together tightly, the tears behind his eyes seconds away from falling as the broken man did what he could to put one coherent thought together. "She's… uh, she's-"
"Alive." The man answered for him, Casey's eyes falling closed as Severide clasped his shoulder tightly. "Your wife is alive, Mr. Casey. And that's what you need to focus on right now." He told him, Matt swallowing back the sob he was so desperate to let out before he nodded, a few tears leaking down his cheeks as a look of pure sympathy flashed in the doctor's eyes. "I know this is a lot to take in right now, and it's scary… I know it is. But Gabby is alive, Matt. That's what's important right now." He finished, Casey releasing a heavy breath before nodding once more, the Captain wiping his tears away before finally looking back up at him.
"Can I see her?" He questioned, the man's face softening as his near desperate request. "I want to see her."
"I know, and of course you can… I can take you to her." He replied, Matt drawing in a deep breath before he nodded, the doctor glancing back behind Casey for a moment. "And, um, right now, with the state of her condition, we're limiting visitors… especially for tonight, just her family can go and see her." He told them, Boden nodding in immediate understanding. "But Mr. Casey, I can take you to see your wife right now, if you'd like."
"Yeah, yeah I do." He coughed out, Matt blinking back the remaining tears in his eyes before he took a step forward, the man's leg giving slightly underneath his weight as he continued to move.
"Whoa- you're alright there?" Dr. Jennings asked, as everyone in the room had noticed the sudden limp he was walking with, Matt nodding immediately as he ignored the twinge of pain he felt in his knee. "Did you hurt your leg?"
"It's fine, it's from earlier. But I'm alright, just take me to see Gabby… Please." He spoke quickly, the doctor nodding after a moment of hesitance, before he began to lead Casey, Antonio, and Ramon out of the waiting room and into the hallway, Matt not having the presence of mind to say anything to the rest of the house as his focus was solely on getting to Gabby.
And the walk to her room was probably the longest five minutes of Casey's life, the man desperate to get his eyes on Gabby as he hated the fact that she'd spent so much time alone in this hospital already. Even though it couldn't be helped, and she wasn't even awake to realize it, he still didn't want her to be alone, Matt's eyes peeled in front of him as Dr. Jennings led them to her room.
The floor she was on was quiet, and Matt couldn't help but be thankful for that as he knew it would give her the peace she needed to recover, considering the more Dr. Jennings' words continued to sink in, the longer her recovery sounded like it would take. But Matt was trying not to worry about that right now, as the man was right.
Gabby was alive, and that's all that mattered.
"Alright, she's just in here." Dr. Jennings spoke softly as they got to the room at the end of the hall, Matt glancing towards the big wooden door in front of him before looking back to the doctor. "And, I know I told you about her injuries, but still, you need to prepare yourselves… She might not look like Gabby to you right now." He reminded them, Ramon's eyes falling closed as Casey's eyes were focused on the door. "There is a lot of swelling, and her bruising and everything, it's a lot… So just be mindful of that when you go in. But it's still Gabby."
The three men all nodded before Dr. Jennings leaned forward to slowly open the door, Casey drawing in a deep breath before he slowly took the first step inside, only the end of Gabby's bed visible to him as her curtain was partially drawn. But he was far enough inside to hear the beeping of her monitors, Casey using all the strength he had to continue forward around to her bed.
And while the doctor had tried to warn him, nothing could quite prepare Matt for what he saw when he stepped around that curtain, an immediate sob leaving his lips at the sight of his wife's beaten body. He tried to swallow it down, but it was useless as Antonio came up beside him and grabbed onto him, Matt continuing to stumble his way towards the bed as a new wave of fresh tears filled his eyes.
"Gabby… Oh my God." He spoke under his breath, her beaten and bruised skin more alarming than he remembered as there wasn't an inch of her body that didn't have some bruise, cut, or swelling, the tube coming from her throat another hard sight to witness as his wife barely looked like herself. The discoloration was already much more prominent than he remembered from hours ago, that just yet another reminder of how violently she'd been thrown around the back of that ambulance, the warning given to him by Dr. Jennings doing little to help prepare him for this as hot tears made their way down his skin. "God, baby…" He breathed out, his distressed words filling the air as Ramon and Antonio circled around her bed as well, Matt reaching back for the chair closest to him before sliding it forwards until he was able to sit down right next to her hospital bed, his hand gently reaching right hand that was lying on the bed next to him. And though Ramon wished he could do something similar, with her left arm currently secured in a sling it was impossible, the father opting to gently place his hand over her blanket-covered shin while Casey held onto her hand as securely as he could.
"I'm sorry, Gabby… I'm so sorry this happened, baby." He said, his voice rough and unrecognizable as brought her hand up to his face, her cold skin nearly alarming as he choked out another breath, Matt unable to suppress his emotions any more as it all finally came crashing down around him.
The weight of this, the severity of her injuries, along with the unknowns of what state she'd be in when she woke up, it was all too much, and he couldn't handle it. He wasn't able to handle any of it anymore, as more and more tears continued falling from his eyes, soft sobs escaping the back of his throat as all three of the men watched on at Gabby. As they watched one of the most important people in all of their lives lay still in this hospital bed, knowing there was nothing they could do to help her.
They couldn't do anything… They could do nothing but wait. And hope that everything would eventually be okay.
Even though right now, this was anything but okay.
Casey drew in a deep breath as he stood outside his front door, the heavy snow falling down around him combined with the grey skies mimicking how he felt right now while he worked up the courage to go inside.
He'd been standing here for a few minutes, his keys in hand, as he tried to force himself to go in. But he couldn't, because he knew the second he did, everything changed. It would all change, because he knew exactly what was waiting for him behind this door.
His girls would be in the living room, likely still in their pajamas playing with their toys, waiting for him and Gabby to come home and spend the day with them. But that isn't how today would go, that isn't how any of their foreseeable days would go, and the minute Matt went in there, he'd have to explain that to them. He'd have to sit down and explain to his five year old daughter what happened to her mom, and nothing would ever be the same for her after that. Not right now.
So he'd stayed out here for a few extra minutes, Matt having to work up the nerve to go inside and have the conversation he'd been dreading since yesterday, as Caitlyn was still completely unaware of what had happened.
Throughout his restless night spent at the hospital by Gabby's side, one filled with absolutely zero sleep for Casey between his constant worry and the nurses coming in and out of his wife's room, Matt had kept in close contact with their nanny about the girls and how Gabby was doing, and as far as Becca had told him, Caitlyn, nor Sofia, had any idea that something was wrong. Though Sofia was too young to grasp the situation anyway. But from what Becca could tell, Caitlyn hadn't caught on to the nanny's obvious distress and worry, as Matt was sure Becca had done all she could to keep things as normal as possible until he got home, Casey having to nearly force himself away from Gabby's bedside as the last thing he wanted to do was leave her.
But he didn't have a choice.
Gabby needed him, he knew she did, but he also knew he couldn't do anything to help her right now. But he had two very important little girls at home who needed him, too, and he had to be there for them. Matt knew he had to be the one to tell them. He had to be the one to let them know what happened to their mom, it couldn't be anyone else. So with the assurances from Ramon that he wouldn't leave Gabby for a second, and that he'd call if there were any changes, combined with the fact that Gabby had remained stable throughout the night, Matt reluctantly left the hospital and headed back to the firehouse to get his things and change out before heading home.
And now that he was here, he knew he had no other choice but to go inside and talk to the girls, talk to Caitlyn, Casey forcing himself to take a few steadying breaths before he finally slid his key into the lock and stepped inside.
The minute he came through the door, he was slammed with a sense of normalcy, the sound of cartoons playing on the TV filling the air as Caitlyn was sprawled out in the middle of the carpet playing with her dolls, while Sofia was running around with her blanket in her hands, Becca back in the kitchen as she cleaned up the dishes from what assumed was their breakfast.
While he had a second, Matt discarded his and Gabby's things from the firehouse by the door before he began kicking off his boots, the sound finally gaining Caitlyn's attention as she looked up from her toys with a beaming grin across her face.
"Daddy!" She called happily as she quickly pushed herself up off the ground, Matt smiling softly as he began walking towards her while she made her way over to him, Sofia stopping her running as well when she heard all the commotion. And it took her a few seconds, but when she finally noticed her dad, a bright smile lit up her face as well before she hurried to him, Caitlyn crashing into him just seconds before Sofia got there.
"Hi baby… Hi my other baby." He greeted his girls with a kiss to each of their heads, Caitlyn hanging onto his leg while Sofia held on for a few minutes too, until she became intrigued by something else and hurried back to her toys, Matt chuckling softly as his attention became solely focused on Caitlyn. "How'd you sleep?"
"Good! Guess what?" She asked excitedly, Matt raising his eyebrows before he picked her up and settled her on his hip, the movements causing some sharp pains to course through his body. But he ignored them, Matt keeping the smile on his face as he walked them over towards the couch, his eyes flashing towards Becca as the woman was walking towards the living room, the worried look in her eye saying more than enough.
"What honey?" He asked while sitting down, Caitlyn securely in his lap as his arm was wrapped around her waist.
"I don't have school!" She replied happily, her smile taking up nearly her entire face as Matt tried his best to reciprocate her look.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! Becca said. So I can play with you and Mommy and Sof all day." She continued, her words unintentionally stabbing him like a knife through the chest as Caitlyn's deep brown eyes shined up at him. But she was only looking at him for a moment before her eyes moved around, confusion starting to cover her face as she looked back to her dad. "Where is Mommy?" She questioned, Matt's eyes flashing back towards Becca just as she picked up Sofia, Casey nodding her over before he looked back down to Caitlyn.
"Baby, there's… There's something I need to talk to you about." He told her, Caitlyn's eyebrows furrowing deeply as her eye flashed over his face.
"You look sad." She commented, Matt giving her a weak smile before he nodded.
"Well, I, uh… I am sad, sweetheart." He told her honestly, a deep frown setting in across her features as Caitlyn took in his red and watery eyes. "And that's what I need to talk to you about."
"What's wrong?" She asked softly, Casey feeling just how tense her little body was as he drew in a deep breath. "Where's Mommy?"
"She-... Your mom, she got hurt, honey." He spoke carefully, Matt wishing he'd planned this out better as he was suddenly at a loss for what to say, Caitlyn's bottom lip beginning to tremble slightly as she instinctively grabbed onto his shirt. "She was in an accident while we were at work." He continued to explain, Caitlyn giving him little in the form of a response as her sad eyes stayed locked on him. But with each passing second he could see her becoming more and more worried, Matt rubbing her back as he did what he could to keep her calm. "And she's… She will be okay, but right now she's hurt." He told her, those words the tipping point as the tears building in Caitlyn's eyes slowly started to escape down her cheeks, Matt shaking his head slightly as he brought his hand up to cradle the back of her head. "She's in the hospital… And I don't want you to be scared, but she's pretty hurt right now, baby."
He'd told her all he could, Matt knowing if he went into any more detail he'd do nothing but scare her even more, and that was the last thing he wanted. But he also didn't want to lie to her, Casey rubbing his hand over the back of her head as the little girl sniffled softly.
"...Mommy's hurt." She whimpered, Matt fighting off his own tears before he nodded, his confirmation only causing her to cry more as her body began to tremble.
"Honey, it's okay. She'll be okay." He promised her as he pulled her into his chest, Caitlyn clutching onto him for dear life as everything slowly started to sink in for the five year old, her cries filling the room as Matt held onto her as tightly as he could. "It's okay…"
"Mommy is hurt." She cried, her words muffled against him to the point he could barely hear her. But he did, a few lone tears sliding down his cheeks as he pressed a comforting kiss to the top of her head, Matt knowing that was all he could do for her right now as she needed time to process all of this. "I want Mommy."
"Caitlyn…"
"Can I see her?" She asked through her tears, Matt's eyes falling closed as he wasn't sure what to say.
"I… I don't know, sweetheart. She's not awake right now." He told her, his words only causing her to cry harder as she dug herself further into his hold. "Caity-"
"I want Mommy." She cried once more, her entire body shaking as Matt could swear he felt his heart snap in half.
"I know, but-"
"No! I want my Mommy!" She fought as she continued to sob, her loud cries startling Sofia as Becca did what she could to console the crying baby, while also holding off her own emotions. But it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy for any of them, as Matt continued to cry while doing what he could to console his little girl. "Let me see Mommy!" She sobbed painfully.
"I know… I know you want to see her, but it's okay." He murmured over and over, his words doing nothing to calm her down as Caitlyn's cries only got louder and louder, Matt holding onto her the entire time as she cried for her mom, the five year old unable to do anything other than sob while her dad held her. "It'll all be okay, she'll be okay."
The sound of Caitlyn continued to drown out everything around them, her constant cries and pleads for her mom feeling like a punch to the gut as Matt wished he could do anything to fix this. That he could do anything to take this pain away from his wife, and from his little girl.
But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything. And for the first time in a long time, he felt helpless, knowing he couldn't do anything to make this situation better. In fact all he could do was be there. He could only be there every step of the way, and make sure his girls got through this.
But right now, as he sat here listening to his daughter's desperate cries for her mother, that didn't seem like nearly enough.