Hello everyone! I'm back here with the next chapter for you all. I won't take too much of your time, as I'm sure you all are eager to see what happens after that last one. But I hope you all enjoy, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Happy reading! And I hope you all have a great week!
Also just a reminder that I am taking a break from Whatever Comes Next for a little bit, in case you all missed that when I updated that story last Thursday. I just need some time to take a little break because I'm feeling kind of a burned out. I'm still updating this story, and I am working on the next chapter for If We Never Say Goodbye (which, I'm sorry for how long that's taken me), but I'm gonna take a little bit of a break with Whatever Comes Next, just so you all know!
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine
Casey paced back and forth outside of his wife's hospital room with his head hanging towards the ground, the heavy feeling in the air nothing compared to the feeling in his gut as he was desperate to know what was going on behind that door. But the reality of the situation was he knew nothing, time moving by slowly as they'd been pushed from the room maybe ten minutes ago. But to Matt, it felt like hours, the tears in his eyes only one sign of the absolute terror he felt every time he thought about what was going on.
They had lost Gabby. Again. And he had no idea if they'd been able to get her back yet or not, Matt feeling an entirely new sense of helplessness as he continued moving back and forth in front of her door, the husband wanting to be the first to know when there was an update.
But while he stayed close to the door, Matt listening for any little thing that might give him some idea as to what was going on in that room, everyone else stayed a little further back, their focus on keeping the kids calm as they'd only barely stopped crying a few moments ago. Though Caitlyn had started out with her dad when they were first pushed from the room, she was now being consoled by her grandfather, Ramon holding the little girl as they sat in one of the chairs, silent tears occasionally still streaming down her face as she had no idea if her mom was okay or not. And while Ramon was taking care of his oldest granddaughter, Jemma still had Sofia in her arms, the best friend bouncing slightly as she walked back and forth in front of Kelly, the movement seeming to be the best thing to keep Sofia calm in this situation. Because even though she didn't know what was going on, she could feel the uneasiness around her, all the yelling and crying having made Sofia very upset.
But now that they'd had a few seconds to calm down, the hallway was pretty quiet, the only sounds really those coming from Casey's boots hitting the tile floor as he paced back and forth, his mind completely focused on his wife right now as he knew his kids were being taken care of.
In any other situation, he would've been the one consoling them, Matt knowing it was his job as their father to be there for them when something like this happened. But it was hard, his mind all over the place as he could barely focus on what was happening; and all the adults around him saw it, too.
They knew how badly he was struggling, how he wasn't able to do anything more than worry right now after what he'd just witnessed, which is why they hadn't even bothered to ask before swooping in to take care of the girls. Casey wasn't in the right mindset to do anything right now, let alone try and console his two distraught babies, so Jemma, Kelly, and Ramon stepped in, so all Matt had to do was focus on Gabby.
Because that's all he could do.
Across the hallway, Ramon sat in his chair with a trembling Caitlyn in his lap, his eyes on Casey while murmuring assuring words to his granddaughter, the man trying to push down the overwhelming fear and concern he felt right now for his daughter. But it was nearly impossible, as these feelings wouldn't be able to go away until he knew his little girl was alive and okay. Until he could see for himself that she was still with them.
But the worst part of it was that he didn't know that she was. And it absolutely killed him.
It was maybe the worst thing he'd ever experienced, watching his daughter die right in front of him, and not knowing if they'd gotten her back. He was sure he'd never experienced a pain like this before in his life, as he couldn't imagine being in a world without his daughter, the thought far too much for him to bear.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Children weren't supposed to die before their parents, and Ramon could only hope and pray that this wasn't about to be the worst day of his life. That by some miracle, Gabby was fine inside that hospital room. He just had to keep believing that; for himself, for Matthew, for his grand babies, he had to believe that Gabby would be alright. Because she had an entire family who needed her. An entire family who couldn't and wouldn't be alright without her, as no one in this hallway would be okay in a world without Gabriela in it.
Especially not the man currently pacing in front of her door.
Shaking his head lightly, Ramon pushed those thoughts as far from his mind as he could, knowing him thinking like this would do nothing to help his baby girl. And it certainly wouldn't help when he had the feeling that he wasn't the only one here thinking that exact same way. But he forced those feelings aside, Ramon doing his best to focus on the idea of her coming through the other side of this alright, the father knowing his daughter was as tough as they come. Which was something that had been proven time and time again.
Life often hadn't been very kind to her, Ramon knowing well how much she'd been tested. How often she'd been knocked down with the odds stacked against her, and how many times she'd been beaten down. But every single time, she came through the other side. She'd gone through some difficult things in her life, and though the severity of the situation wasn't lost on him, this was just another hardship she'd have to overcome. But he believed she would, he had to believe that. Because sitting here thinking of the worst case scenarios wouldn't help her, and it certainly wouldn't help Matt or their daughters.
"I want Mommy."
A deep frown set in across Ramon's face when he heard Caitlyn's shaky voice, the statement having been said a lot by the five year old today as she was desperate to have her mom back. And Ramon couldn't blame her.
"I know you do." He murmured softly, Ramon running his hand over the back of her head as Caitlyn gave her teddy bear a squeeze, Severide and Jemma looking on sadly as they had also heard the girl's pleas for her mom. "Hopefully you can see her soon, alright?" He spoke carefully, Ramon not wanting to make any promises he couldn't keep.
"I want her now." She whimpered, Caitlyn barely getting the words out as a cry got caught in her throat, her breaths short and choppy as she tried to calm herself down, Ramon hugging her to him as securely as he could. "Daddy said she was okay, why is she still hurt."
Severide felt fresh tears gather in his eyes as he listened to the scared child, the two older men sharing a sad look before Caitlyn dug herself deeper into her Ramon's hold, neither the grandfather or godfather knowing what they could do to make this easier for her.
"I just want Mommy." She whispered again when neither of them said a word, Ramon's eyes falling closed as his hand ran comfortingly over her back, while Severide looked to Jemma who was focused on keeping Sofia calm.
"It's okay, Caity." Kelly spoke up after a moment, his eyes staying on Sofia for one more moment before he looked back towards the older Casey daughter, Caitlyn turning her head against her grandfather's body so she could see him. "Everything will be okay." He repeated, the little girl sniffling before she slowly nodded, though it was clear she was hesitant as a few more tears escaped her eyes.
"Okay Uncle Kelly." She murmured, Severide responding with a sad, weak smile before his eyes moved back over towards Gabby's door, Matt's movement hard to miss as the husband had yet to stop pacing. And Severide was sure he wouldn't, not until they knew more about what was going on with Gabby, the wait unbearable to all of them as they just needed to know what was happening to their friend.
Over by the door, Matt's mind was racing while he moved back and forth, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest as he felt what was almost a continuous wave of nausea course through his system. Nausea that didn't seem to be going away anytime soon, that only got worse every time his mind went to a place it shouldn't, as he couldn't help but think it was a bad sign that it was taking this long.
If they'd gotten her back quickly, they should've been let back in that room already. The doctor would've been out here, telling him what was wrong and what happened, not still in that room with her. If everything was fine, Matt should've been back in there with her. But he wasn't. And the longer he was forced to be out here, the worse he felt about the whole thing.
Rationally, he knew them still being in that room didn't automatically mean something was wrong. They could've gotten her back already, and were just checking her over and not really focused on Matt or keeping him updated. And if that were the case, then that's what Matt wanted as Gabby was the main priority here. But there were voices in the back of his mind convincing him that wasn't what was happening here, as there was also a very good possibility that the reason they hadn't come out of that room yet is because they hadn't been able to get Gabby back yet.
And if that were true, Matt knew that wasn't good. Her being down that long wasn't good at all, especially when they were already worried about what her mental state would be when she finally woke up… if she woke up. It was something they'd been concerned about from the moment she got here, her doctor's unsure of how her brain would respond to everything her body had gone through. And if she truly had been gone this long, Matt couldn't even imagine what that had done to her, or how much of Gabby would actually be there if she ever woke up.
But he refused to focus on that, the man shaking his head roughly as he fought off the tears building in his eyes. They weren't there yet, that wasn't what he should be thinking about right now. All that mattered was her being alright. That they got her back, and, when she was ready, she'd wake up. That's what was important. Everything else, they'd deal with it as it came, but right now all he cared about was his wife surviving this.
That was all that mattered.
As Casey continued to pace back and forth anxiously, he was so caught up in his own head that he didn't register the sound of the door to Gabby's room opening. Not until he turned back around and was suddenly met by the sight of her doctor walking out of the room, Matt's body coming to an abrupt stop as everyone in the hallway paused what they were doing, a heavy feeling of fear settling in the air as they had no idea what they were about to be told.
They were about to find out if Gabby was alive, or if she wasn't, and that thought alone caused an intense pressure to form in Casey's throat as he knew there was a chance his life was about to be changed forever.
As Dr. Jennings stepped forward, his face was unreadable, Matt using all his strength to keep himself together as he came face to face with the man who'd held Gabby's life in his hands. And Matt couldn't go another second without knowing if he still had his wife or not.
"Is she…" He trailed off, his voice barely sounding like his own as the doctor's worried eyes focused on him. "...Is Gabby-" He cut himself off, unable to say the words as it was something he couldn't even fathom, Matt not wanting to even voice the possibility of losing his her.
And thankfully, he hadn't.
"We got her back."
A chorus of relieved sighs and heavy breaths could be heard from everyone behind Casey, the emotions boiling over to the point of tears while Matt stayed frighteningly still, Jemma hugging Sofia a little tighter as Kelly reached out to hold onto Caitlyn.
"What's wrong?" Caitlyn asked frantically as she saw the tears, the five year old not understanding the doctor's words as worry flooded her entire body. "Is Mommy okay?" She questioned, tears of her own sliding down her cheeks as she looked towards her grandfather for an answer.
"She's fine, she's okay." He told her quickly, Ramon not wanting her to worry any longer than she already had been as the older man continued to cry tears of relief. "Your mom's okay."
Caitlyn's bottom lip started to tremble, the five year overcome with a rush of different emotions as her little brain did what it could to take in what was being said to her.
But soon enough, it clicked, tears immediately filling her eyes before she broke down, Ramon immediately hugging her to him as tightly as he could while Caitlyn cried, the five year old unable to deal with her emotions any other way as she was just so grateful that her mom was okay. And they were tears everyone was thankful for, as Caitlyn understood she hadn't just lost the only mom she'd ever known, the little girl clinging to her grandfather for comfort as her dad was still trying to process what he'd just been told.
Over by the door, Matt faintly heard Caitlyn's cries, but it was like he couldn't even register them, as he had yet to say anything. He hadn't moved, he hadn't reacted, he'd just stood there, staring at the doctor as he tried to fully grasp the fact that his wife was alive. After watching her die right in front of him, for a second time, he now knew that she was okay. Or that she was at least still alive. And he was trying to make himself believe that.
But it didn't feel real, Matt feeling a mix of relief and uncertainty as he knew he wouldn't be able to completely believe it until he had his eyes on her.
"She's… Gabby, she's-" He stuttered out, his eyes flashing back towards the door as the doctor took another step towards him.
"She's alive, Mr. Casey." Dr. Jennings told him, those words eerily similar to the ones he'd said the night Gabby was brought to the hospital, a few tears falling from Matt's eyes just as a strangled sob left his throat. The husband stumbled backwards, barely able to keep himself up as the doctor reached out to steady him. But if not for the arms he suddenly felt behind him, Severide having hurried up from his seat the second he saw Casey start to move, he'd surely have fallen to the ground, Kelly keeping him up as Matt gained his footing. "Why don't you sit down, and we can talk-"
"She's alive." Matt spoke again, like he hadn't even heard him, a sad looking forming over Dr. Jennings face before he nodded, the man seeing first hand how broken Matt had been. Tears were continuously pouring down his cheeks, Matt solely being supported by Kelly as he was unable to keep himself up, the raw emotion of the day finally winning out as Matt felt like he still couldn't digest what all had happened.
"She is." He repeated, knowing Casey needed to hear it. "We got her back, and her heart's been steady ever since. We're keeping a close eye on her, but right now, she's okay." He relayed a bit more information, Dr. Jennings trying to go slow as he wasn't sure how much he was actually registering.
But before Casey could even respond, he heard Caitlyn's voice, the father's mind a bit more clear as the five year old forced herself out of her grandfather's grasp and ran over to her dad. "Daddy!" She cried, Matt pulling himself from Severide's grasp just in time for Caitlyn to get to him, Casey crouching down to meet her just as she reached out for him, the child holding onto him the second she could.
"It's okay, it's okay baby." He murmured as he held onto his daughter, her presence helping clear his mind as he slowly began to snap out of his haze, Matt knowing he had daughters to take care of. Or at least one, as with one glance he could see Sofia was being well taken care of by Jemma, despite the fact that their friend was barely holding herself together. "Your mom's okay, Mommy's fine." He repeated the words Ramon had told her, a sharp, relieved cry coming from Caitlyn as she clung to her dad for dear life, his comfort being what she needed more than anything right now.
And the longer he continued to console his daughter, the more it helped him believe what he was saying, as Matt didn't have the option of breaking down over this. At least not in front of Caitlyn, silent tears streaming down his face as Kelly stayed by his side.
"Everything's okay." He repeated as his hand cradled the back of her head, Caitlyn's cries quieting for a moment as she sucked in a few breaths.
"Mommy didn't go up to the sky…"
Her words weren't questioning, but they still broke him all the same, Matt's eyes falling closed as a sharp pain stabbed through his chest, the father immediately shaking his head as he realized just how much Caitlyn understood of what happened in there; she knew she might've just watched her mom die. And the thought made him sick.
"No, no she didn't. She's here… She's still here." He promised her through his tears, Dr. Jennings watching on sadly at the family who had nearly lost what he was coming to realize was their everything. And while he was grateful they hadn't, there were still conversations that needed to be had, ones that he was sure the little girl didn't need to be here for.
"...Mr Casey." The doctor spoke up after a few more minutes of him consoling his oldest daughter, Matt's gaze flashing towards the man to find a look he couldn't quite read waiting for him. But it was one that caused his spine to straighten, Casey soon understanding there was more that needed to be said as he clenched his jaw tightly. "Your wife is still here, but there's a few things we need to talk about." He continued on, Matt not missing the way Dr. Jennings' gaze flickered towards Caitlyn before meeting his eyes again.
And that was enough to let Matt know that whatever needed to be said, it was probably for the best that Caitlyn wasn't close by to hear it.
Drawing in a slow, shaky breath, Matt fought off those feelings of unsteadiness that had been present when the doctor first came out here, the father redirecting his attention to Caitlyn as he knew he had to be strong for her and Sofia's sake.
"Hey baby…" He spoke softly, rubbing over her back as Caitlyn lifted her head slightly. "I need you to go back with your abuelo while I talk to the doctor about Mommy, okay?" He told her as simply as he could, though he could feel how his words caused her to panic, Caitlyn's entire body tightening as she looked up at her dad.
"Is she okay?"
"She is." He answered before he could stop himself, even though he truly didn't know. "I just need to talk to him for a few minutes, but everything's okay."
He could tell she was unsure, Caitlyn clearly not wanting to be away from him right now, but she eventually nodded, the five year old giving him a tight hug before Matt handed her over to Severide, her godfather carrying her back to Ramon while Casey's attention moved towards the doctor.
He didn't want to be doing this, whatever this was, as all Matt wanted was to be with his girls, and Gabby, instead of this man. But whatever was going on with Gabby, he needed to know. And right now, that trumped everything else.
"What is it?" He asked, Matt finally feeling like he had his legs under him as he was a bit more steady than he had been moments prior. Though that wasn't so much by choice as it was necessity, the initial shock and relief having worn off as he knew there were still so many unknowns as to what was going on. Casey just hoped that the man in front of him had some answers, though if the lack of answers over the last four days was any indication, Matt knew he shouldn't get his hopes up.
"...Can we?" He asked, nodding over towards the end of the hall that was maybe a few yards away. It wasn't very far, but it was far enough to get some distance from the kids, Matt drawing in a deep breath before he nodded, the two men walking over towards the window.
Snow was still falling down heavily outside as the afternoon was winding down, Casey crossing his arms over his chest as he felt that familiar pressure rising in his chest, the husband unsure of what was about to be said to him, though the look on the doctor's face wasn't promising.
"So, Mr. Casey, as you know Gabby's heart stopped, and this is not the first time this has happened." He started, Matt swallowing thickly before he nodded. "And we were able to get her back, right now she's fine… Her heart rate is steady, there have been no more indications of another episode like what just happened. Right now she's fine, but if it happens again…" He trailed off, Matt's entire body tensing as he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle where this conversation was surely going. "I'm just not sure how many more times her body can go through that." He settled on, his vague words causing a twinge of anger to settle in Casey's gut before the man continued. "We're going to do everything we can for your wife, but you need to know the situation. If her heart gives out again, we will do everything we can, but…"
"Are you telling me she could die?"
His words were blunt, the adults further down the hall hearing his voice as they all looked over in shock, Matt's gaze trained on the doctor as a thousand different emotions were consuming him right now. But there was one that seemed to be more prevalent than the rest, and that was his anger.
"Mr. Casey-"
"Is that what you're saying? Are you saying I need to prepare for her to die?"
"I'm telling you I don't know how much more her body can take." He repeated his earlier words, Casey swallowing thickly as the reality of the situation continued to crush down on him like an enormous weight he couldn't get out from under. "As I said, right now there's no indication that it'll happen again, but that was also the case before today… So it just might be something to keep in mind, because there are just a lot of unknowns right now."
"Yeah, and who's fault is that?" He spat out before he even registered the thought, but he didn't regret his words as the doctor kept calm.
"Mr. Casey, I know this is a lot, but-"
"Don't give me that… Just don't." He huffed out, the man holding his tongue as he could tell how badly Matt was handling all of this. And he couldn't blame him. "You're the one who's supposed to know what's going on, you're the one who's supposed to help her get better, and you're not." He spoke through gritted teeth, his anger boiling over to the point of no return. "We've been here for days, Gabby is no closer to waking up, she just died in that room, and you can't tell me why this is happening. You can't tell me what's going on. All you do is keep taking her for these tests and scans that don't mean shit! They've told you nothing, you're not even trying to help her!"
From down the hall, Caitlyn whimpered when she heard her dad's yelling, all the words he was saying scaring her as she didn't know what was going on. At first he was sad, then he was telling her Mommy was okay, and now he's mad again and she didn't understand why. But all she did know was that it was scary, Caitlyn just wanting her parents as she felt her grandfather tighten his grip on her.
"It's okay." He murmured, rubbing over the back of her head as she dug herself deeper into his embrace as Severide began to slowly walk back towards Casey.
"Mr. Casey, I know this is a lot to deal with." Dr. Jennings continued once Matt had taken a breath, though the husband's anger hadn't gone away at all. Though the doctor didn't expect it to. "And I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you as to what's going on. But we just don't know… We don't know why her body is reacting the way it is, when all her scans are clear. Based on all the tests we've done, her heart is fine. She still has brain activity, and there's no bleeding or anything internally that would account for what's going on… Medically, there's nothing to explain why she hasn't woken up. Stuff like this happens, and I know it's frustrating, but-"
"Yeah, that's one word for it." He cut him off with a scoff, Casey failing at trying to keep his emotions in check as he couldn't stand to listen to this man's speech any longer. Because the doctor wasn't doing it for him, he was doing it to cover his ass, and Matt was tired of it. "You kept saying she was fine for days, when we don't even know if she'll ever wake up. If she can wake up, so save the PR bullshit, okay? Quit explaining to me how you don't know what's happening, and go figure out what is wrong with her."
"Mr. Casey-"
"Help her." He bit out with a fury in his eyes the doctor hadn't seen before, Matt's spine straightening as he stood eye to eye with the man he was trusting with his wife's life. The same man who was making Matt question that choice with every passing minute. "Just help her. Please… You're standing here, telling me to prepare for her to die, when you can't even tell me what's wrong." He spat in a rage, Ramon's eyes falling closed as he listened Matt speak, everyone in the hallway coming to understand that while Gabby was still alive, it wasn't as good of news as it should've been. "So instead of doing that, why don't you do your damn job and help her!"
Caitlyn let out a sharp, scared cry when she heard her dad's shouting, Ramon doing his best to console her as Jemma took care of Sofia, the baby starting to cry as well while Severide hurried the last few steps to his friend.
"Just help her!" Matt yelled, his loud voice surely traveling past their group at this point, but he didn't care.
"Casey-" Kelly tried as he reached out for the distraught man, but Matt shrugged him off, his anger getting the better of him as he took another step towards the doctor.
"No! I want to know why he isn't doing his job! He kept saying everything was fine, that her scans are good, but clearly there's something you're missing!" He barked, his words now pointed directly at the doctor as he stood there silently. "You're supposed to be helping her, and you're not! You haven't done anything to help her!"
"Matt- Matt, come on man. Let's take a walk." Kelly said as he reached out for Matt once more, but this time he refused to let him shrug out of his grip as Severide knew he needed to diffuse this situation before something happened to make it worse. He knew Matt was out of his mind, that he wasn't thinking clearly, and the last thing that would help any of them is him doing something he'd later regret. "Let's just take a walk." He tried again, Casey not bothering to fight him this time as he let Severide lead him away from the doctor.
But he didn't get very far before he stopped dead in his tracks, Matt turning back around to face the man still standing over by the window, neither him nor Severide sure of what Casey was going to do.
"Mr. Casey…"
"My wife could die." He spoke abruptly, his darkened eyes focused on the doctor across from him as everyone else stayed silent. "My wife could die, because you can't do your fucking job." He growled, Severide gently pulling him back.
"Matt-"
"My girls might lose their mom, and that's on you."
You could hear a pin drop in the hallway the second those words left his lips, Matt shrugging out of Severide's grip once more as he didn't want his friend's comfort, Casey shaking his head as he saw an unreadable expression across Dr. Jennings' face.
"If she dies, it's on you."
And without another word, Matt turned and left, Severide watching him walk back towards Gabby's room for a moment before he looked back towards the doctor, finding the man watching Casey as well. Bringing his hand up to the back of his neck, Kelly shook his head slightly, the heavy sigh that left his lips gaining the doctor's attention.
"I'm sorry, he's-"
He was cut off by Dr. Jennings holding his hand up, the man offering him a weak smile before responding. "It's okay… I know this is a lot on him. Especially with their girls, I know he's scared." He replied, Severide drawing in a deep breath before he nodded, the firefighter sparing a quick glance back to his friend to find him now consoling Caitlyn while standing over by Sofia, the father doing what he could to help both his girls.
"Yeah, he is…" Severide murmured, the sight in front of him nearly breaking his heart before he turned back to the doctor. "Can Matt see her?" He questioned after a moment, Dr. Jennings looking towards him. "I think it might help him feel better, if he's allowed back in there."
"Of course, yeah. Our nurses should be done. You all can go back in."
Nodding thankfully, Severide took a slight step away from the man so he could get back to his friends, but he soon stopped himself, just as Casey had done moments prior, before glancing at him once more, the doctor clearly unsure of his intentions.
"And, uh… I know Matt's freaking out, and everything he said… but, still, I want to thank you." Severide spoke sincerely, Dr. Jennings eyebrows raising slightly. "For getting Dawson back, thank you. I know Matt didn't say it, but he's… he's grateful, he's just-"
"He's worried, I know." He answered softly, Severide swallowing the thick lump forming in his throat before he nodded. "Like I said, I know this is a lot of him. On all of you, but I am doing everything I can for her… I don't want you all thinking I don't care about her, or her pulling through, because I do."
"I know… And Matt knows that, too." Severide responded, the two men sharing one last nod before Kelly walked away, knowing there was no more that needed to be said, at least not to him.
Within seconds, Severide got back over to the group just as Jemma handed Sofia off to her grandfather, the baby clearly becoming restless as she wasn't sure what was going on, but she could sense the tension in the air. And it was causing her to become distressed, Matt hoping that Ramon would be able to help settle her as the one year old had always felt safe in the presence of her grandfather.
"It's okay, Sofia, come here sweet girl." Ramon murmured as he adjusted the fussy baby in his lap before she eventually settled, the grandfather giving his granddaughter her pacifier to help soothe her, as it was a comfort item she hadn't been able to let go of yet. And the second she had it, she began to settle, that combined with her grandfather's soothing presence helping her calm down.
But the same couldn't be said for Caitlyn, as Severide could see how upset she was before he even got back to them.
"It's okay, baby." Matt repeated, those words coming out over and over again as he did what he could to get Caitlyn to relax.
She wasn't crying, at least not right now, but she was obviously upset, her head tucked into her father's neck as his hand ran along her back, Kelly watching on sadly at the sight in front of him. It was a moment he hated to disrupt, Severide knowing how badly Caitlyn needed her dad right now, but he also knew Matt was desperate to get back into Gabby's room- he just didn't know he was allowed back in there yet.
"Casey." Kelly spoke up after a few moments, the father looking towards him as his face, that was once full of anger and rage a couple minutes ago, now held nothing but worry and sadness. "You can go back in there with Gabby." He told him, Matt's ears perking up as his eyes flickered towards the closed hospital room door. "I asked her doctor, he said it was fine… You can be with her."
Drawing in a slow, albeit shaky, breath, Matt nodded in response, his heart pulling him in two different directions as he wanted to be here for his girls, but he also wanted to get back into that room, Casey needing to see with his own two eyes that Gabby was still here.
But he didn't want to take Caitlyn in there, at least not yet. Not until he saw Gabby first, so he knew what kind of state she was in, considering the last time Caitlyn had seen her was when she was dying in that very same room.
"Alright… Can you take Caitlyn, just for a few minutes?" He asked, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing before he nodded. "I want to get in there first, just make sure…" He trailed off, swallowing thickly as an understanding look formed across Severide's face before he nodded.
"Yeah, of course." He replied, just as they heard Caitlyn whimper once more.
"Daddy, don't go." She murmured, the five year old apparently having been listening to their conversation as Matt scratched over her back lightly.
"I'll be right in Mommy's room, okay? I just need you to stay out here with Uncle Kelly and Aunt Jemma for a few minutes, yeah?" He told her, Caitlyn pulling back to look at him as he was immediately met by her red and tired eyes.
"I wanna see Mommy."
"I know… I know you do. And you can, here in a bit, alright? But Daddy needs to go in there first and see her, then you can come in, okay?" He tried to reason with her, Caitlyn clearing not really understanding why she couldn't go, but she eventually nodded anyway. "Alright, it'll only be a few minutes. Then you can come in with Uncle Kelly." He repeated, Matt getting the sense she needed the reminder one last time as Caitlyn continued to nod.
"Okay Daddy." She nearly whispered, her voice a bit hoarse from all the crying as Matt leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too, baby." He responded, Matt giving her one last firm hug before Severide took Caitlyn into his arms, her weight settling on his hip as he continued towards Gabby's room. He would've stopped by Sofia to give her a hug, Matt surely needing the comfort as much as he knew she did, but considering she'd just gotten calmed down, he didn't want to do anything to ruin that. Especially since Matt still didn't want Sofia in that room. So he left it alone, the husband continuing in that familiar direction to Gabby.
With each step closer, his legs felt heavier, like the events of this long day were wearing him down as he got to her door, Matt slowly reaching out towards the handle before pushing it open. And the second he did, Gabby came into view, tears springing to his eyes before he could stop them as he forced himself to take a few more steps inside after a few moments, ultimately shutting the door behind him. She was in here alone, the nurses having stepped out a minute or so prior as he gradually made his way towards her bed.
She looked the same as she did before, Gabby still seemingly resting peacefully in the middle of the bed, her body no worse for wear after however long it took them to get her back; at least not from what he could see anyway. But regardless, it was a bit unnerving, knowing she didn't look any different, for her to look like nothing had happened. Because that's what was so terrifying to him, was the fact she could go from this, to dying in front of him in a moment's notice. But he refused to linger on that thought, Matt's eyes tracing over her as he came to a stop beside her bed.
It was still hard to see her this way, even though it was preferable to what had happened moments ago, but to see her laid up in this bed, looking so small and fragile, it broke his heart, as Matt knew this was the last thing she'd want.
"Hi baby." He murmured, his words a bit distorted as a lump of emotion was caught in his throat, Matt shaking his head gently before reaching out for her hand. "Sorry I wasn't able to be in here for a bit, I hate leaving you alone… But they made me go." He told her, his thumb stroking over her knuckles before he leaned down towards her, Matt pressing a soft, lingering kiss over her cheek. "I, uh… I'm not sure how much you're aware of what's going on, but if you do know, I'm sorry about what just happened… I can't imagine how scary that must've been for you. But I'm here… I'm right here, Gabby. I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere." He spoke against her skin, Matt pressing another kiss to her cheek before pulling back.
His eyes moved over her features, Matt blinking back the tears in his eyes as he used his free hand to brush some of the hair from her face, his hand stroking her skin gently before he stood up a little straighter. While keeping his one hand in hers, he turned and reached back to pull the chair a little closer to her bed, Matt getting as close as he possibly could before sitting down on the edge of his seat, his forearms resting over the side of the mattress as Gabby laid their unmoving.
Taking a few short breaths, Matt kept his eyes on her, the more time that passed causing continuous tears to fill his eyes, before they eventually began to spill over, the events of today scaring him more than he could ever put into words as he knew how close he came to losing her. Again.
"God, baby…" He breathed out, Matt choking on the air in his lungs as he carefully brought her hand up to his lips, press mindful of the IV as he pressed a few gentle kisses against her skin. "I'm here with you, I'm always here with you, but I need you to be here with me, too." He forced the words out, his tears falling down onto her skin as he couldn't keep it together anymore. "I can't do this without you, I can't do any of it without you, I can't… I need you. I need you here, I need you to fight, baby." He pleaded, his words mixing with his cries as he clung to her hand desperately, Matt knowing this was as close as he could get to holding her. "I need you to wake up for me… For me, and for Caity and Sof. Our girls need their mom, Gabby. I need you… I need you to come back. Please come back to me."
He started repeating those words over and over, Matt holding her hand gently between his as his head was angled towards the ground, his body trembling slightly as he let out everything he'd been holding onto.
"I need you to come back to me… However long it takes, however long you need, I'll be right here. But I need you to come back, I can't be here without you."
Just as he finished talking, he heard the door begin to open, Matt quickly wiping away his tears just as Severide poked his head in. And by the look on his face alone, Casey was sure he'd heard at least some of what had been said, or at the very least he heard his cries. But he said nothing, Kelly breathing in deeply as the two men looked at each other.
"I'm uh- Sorry man, but Caitlyn… she's really upset, and she wants to see Gabby." Severide spoke, the man having held off as long as he could. But the second Matt disappeared into Gabby's room, she wanted to be in there, and Kelly couldn't keep her from her mother any longer. "I know you wanted some time, and I can keep her out here, but…" He trailed off, his sad eyes darting towards Gabby.
"No, it's okay. She can come in." He replied after clearing his throat, Severide nodding before he opened the door a bit wider, Caitlyn practically bolting her way into the room. But the second she was inside, she stopped abruptly, her eyes focused on Gabby, or as much as she could see of her, as she stood just inside the room. "...Come here, sweetheart, it's okay." He encouraged after wiping the few remaining tears away from his skin, Matt extending his arms out towards her before she hurried over to him.
Before anything was said, Matt hoisted her up into his lap, Caitlyn sitting on his leg with her legs dangling towards the floor, the position giving her a view of her mom and dad as Matt kept an arm around her waist to keep her secure.
"You can sit here with me while we're with Momma… We probably shouldn't be on the bed much anymore, okay?" He told her gently, Caitlyn nodding despite the fact that her gaze hadn't left Gabby. "But you can hold her hand." He prompted, her eyes moving down to the bed before she carefully reached towards Gabby and grabbed a hold of her hand, Caitlyn barely applying any pressure as their palms were clasped together.
Caitlyn stayed quiet as they sat there, Severide having excused himself from the room once the little girl was settled, as he didn't want to intrude on their time together. But that time consisted of nothing but them both watching Gabby, the heavy feeling in the air hard to miss as they were both just glad to be sitting here with her.
But that silence was soon interrupted once Caitlyn finally looked back towards her dad, her eyes tracing over his face before he glanced at her as well, the uncertainty written across her features hard to miss. "...You're sad, Daddy." She stated, Matt drawing in a slow, deep breath before he slowly nodded, the father knowing there was no use in lying to her.
"I am." He answered tiredly, a deep frown etching into her skin before she raised her free hand up to wipe away the new tears moving down his cheeks, the action something he and Gabby both had done for her in the past.
"It's okay to be sad." She told him, her genuine words bringing more tears to his eyes as Caitlyn cradled the side of his face in her small hand. "I'm sad, too. But Mommy's okay." She spoke like she was trying to comfort him, the five year old moving her hand around to the back of his neck before hugging him, Caitlyn doing her best to hold onto her dad while also not letting go of her mother's hand. The second she hugged him, Matt held onto her as tightly as he could without hurting her, the man needing this more than he realized as Caity nuzzled her head against him. "I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, honey." He whispered, afraid if he spoke any louder his voice would betray him, Matt turning his neck to press a kiss to the side of her head, the father and daughter staying like this for a couple more moments before they pulled back. Wanting to see her mother while also staying close to her dad, Caitlyn angled herself towards Gabby, before resting her head down against her dad's chest, Matt tightening his hold on her as there was suddenly a sense of hopefulness around them that hadn't been there before.
Caitlyn had given him that hopefulness. And without it, he'd surely be drowning, Matt continuing to watch his wife with his daughter in his arms, the man silently praying that here soon, when she was ready, Gabby would wake up and come back to them.
Because she had to.
Casey sat hunched over in the hospital chair that was becoming a bit uncomfortable, the husband fighting to keep his eyes open as his exhaustion was becoming more and more evident. It wasn't even late, in fact it was barely dinner time, but after how draining today had been, it was hard for him to not fall asleep. But he refused, as he knew he wouldn't be able to stay here much longer.
Though it wasn't that close to bedtime yet, Matt knew he wouldn't be able to keep the girls here much longer. They'd been here the majority of the day, and considering how challenging most of that time had been, he knew the best thing for them both was to get them out of here somewhat soon and take them home. But despite that being the best choice, that didn't mean he had to like it, as Matt desperately wanted to stay here with her. After the long day today, he needed to be here with her, which is how he'd ended up alone with her now.
With it being close to dinner time, Matt knew he needed to get the kids some food, despite the fact Caitlyn didn't so much feel like eating. But regardless, they had to, so Matt had asked Severide, Jemma, and Ramon to take them down to the cafeteria and get something to eat, Casey knowing it would do Caitlyn some good to get out of this room for a little bit. Ever since she came back in here a few hours ago, she'd been glued to Gabby's side, and Matt knew she needed a break; and dinner was the perfect opportunity to do that.
Of course she hadn't wanted to leave, and she put up quite the fight. But when nurses had come to take Gabby for another round of scans, the timing lined up perfectly to where Matt was able to show Caitlyn she wasn't missing anything. That her mom wouldn't even be in the room most of the time while she was gone, Matt having to explain to her a few times why they were taking Gabby away. But once she understood, and realized her mom would be gone too, that's when Caitlyn agreed to go get some food, Matt opting to stay back and wait for Gabby while the girls ate.
Truthfully, he knew he should've taken his own advice and gotten out of here too, but he didn't want to. He didn't want Gabby to come back to an empty room, so he stayed put, the man asking Jemma to bring him back a sandwich or something easy, as Matt knew he needed to get something in him after not eating all day, before all the adults took the kids downstairs.
And now it was just him and Gabby, his wife having gotten back from his scans maybe five minutes ago, the transport nurses finishing up getting her bed and wires back in place before leaving the room and letting Matt get some more alone time with his wife before the girls got back.
And it was certainly time he was grateful for.
"Well, it's been quite a day, I guess." He breathed out, his hand clasped tightly in hers as he leaned close to the bed. "And a long day… really long, but you're doing so great, Gabby." He told her, Matt smiling softly as the genuine words left his lips. "And I'm so proud of you, for being here… for still fighting. I'm so damn proud of you, baby."
Just as he finished speaking, he could've sworn he felt her hand twitch in his, Matt's eyes widening at the feeling. Though it was one he wasn't entirely sure he wasn't imagining.
"Gabby?" He asked in disbelief, his eyes widening as his gaze moved back and forth between her hand and her face, Matt bringing his free hand up to hold onto her forearm as he leaned forward. "Gabby?"
He waited for a few more moments to see if she gave any other signs of life, but when minutes passed and none came, the joy he was feeling at the idea of her waking up soon diminished as he came to realize he'd likely just imagined it. Or at most, her muscle had spasmed involuntarily, as Matt knew that was something that had happened a few times over the past couple of days.
Blowing out a soft sigh, a sad smile formed over his lips, Matt giving her hand another squeeze before looking back up towards her. "That's okay… I know you're trying, it's okay. I'm gonna be right here, whenever you're ready-"
His words were cut off when he felt it again. But this time it was stronger, Matt knowing there was no way to mistake her squeezing his hand the second time around as she gripped his palm tightly, tears gathering in his eyes as he looked up at her.
"Gabby?" He asked quickly, his eyes widening when he heard a soft groan come from her, his tears beginning to flow freely as a simple noise left her lips once more. "Baby, are you there? Can you hear me?" He tried, his voice shaky as he was overcome with emotion.
But when she squeezed his hand again, he knew she heard him, a heavy, strangled sob escaping the back of his throat as his eyes moved down towards their conjoined hands, Matt feeling a warmth coming from her he had not felt since before the accident. And it filled him with a sense of complete and utter relief, a few more cries leaving his lips as he felt her squeeze his hand one more time.
But that feeling was nothing compared to how it felt when he looked back up, and he was met by the sight of her beautiful brown eyes for the first time in far too long.