Hello there everyone! I'm back with the next chapter for you all. Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for no update last week, life has been pretty hectic for me, and I didn't have time to finish the chapter. So I'm really sorry about that. But I've got a pretty long update for you all today, so hopefully that makes up for it.
I hope you all are doing well, and that you have a great week!
Thanks for reading!
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Five
"Gabby- Gabby, baby hold on. Just hold on, please hold on." He pleaded as the sirens blared through the busy street, Matt pumping rhythmically against his wife's chest as the ambulance moved as quickly as it could, the tears flooding his eyes impairing his vision as he fought to keep his wife alive. "Baby, please- please."
"Matt-"
"I've got her!" He cut off their friend, Casey tuning out everything else as he focused on Gabby, the sight of her beaten and bloodied body making him sick as she laid their lifeless on the gurney, her only movements being from his constant compressions against her chest. "Come back, Gabby- Gabby come back, baby I need you."
His pleads were drowned out by everything else going on around them, Matt hardly able to see anything as his tears fell down onto her, the terrified husband only increasing the pressure of his movements as Gabby's body continued to shut down.
"Casey, let me-"
"No!" He shouted before wiping his face down against his turnout coat, the quick movement in an effort to clear some of the water from his eyes while he continued compressions, the haphazard beeping of her monitor nearly taunting him as he refused to stop. "I've got this, she's gonna be okay. You're okay, baby, I've got you, I've got you… Come on, Gabby, please baby come back." He cried out, Matt continuing to give all he could despite the way his own body was shaking, the reality of what was happening crushing down on him as Gabby slipped further and further away, the monitor on her heart going crazy as her body was fighting to stay alive.
Until suddenly it wasn't, Matt's worst fears suddenly coming to light as the constant beeping turned into one long sound, the noise confirming what Casey had done his best to prevent.
Her heart had stopped. She had flatlined, and despite all he'd done to save her, he couldn't. He couldn't do anything to help her, not anymore.
Because she was gone. Gabby had died right in front of him.
And there was nothing he could do to get her back.
Casey jolted awake suddenly, the man fighting to breathe as it felt like a heavy weight was currently pressing down on his chest. His entire body was tense, like a sense of panic had overtaken him, but after a few seconds, and a couple deep breaths, that feeling started to dissipate. He was able to gain more of a sense of his surroundings, Matt coughing a few times as it began to set in that what he'd just experienced was merely a dream. Though nightmare seemed to be the better word, as the entire thing felt entirely too real.
Just like it had every other time he'd had a bad dream about that awful accident.
Though the nightmare had definitely been a bit jarring, this wasn't the first time it had happened since they'd gotten home from the hospital. It didn't happen all the time, but it felt like as of late, every time he slept over these last few days it was accompanied by an unpleasant dream about losing his wife, even if they were never exactly the same.
Some were like today, where he'd have flashbacks to that day in the back of the ambulance, where Matt fought like hell to keep his wife alive. But others were different, whether they were in the hospital, or back home, the location didn't seem to matter, as they all went the same way, with Matt doing all he could to help Gabby.
But it was never enough. Nothing he did was enough, as each and every dream ended with him not being able to save her.
And it wasn't an easy thing for him to stomach.
What had happened to Gabby was awful enough, but with this now constant reminder of how close he came to losing the love of his life, it had been even harder on him as of late. Gabby was fine, all things considered, but that knowledge didn't make this any easier. In fact the only good thing about this was for as many of these nightmares that he'd been having, Gabby had yet to find out, Matt being able to wake up and calm himself down before disturbing her. And he hoped to keep it that way, as the last thing his wife needed right now was the stress of worrying about him.
As he sat on the couch, Casey shook his head lightly before he hunched his body forward, his mind clearing as he did what he could to push down the thing that had woken him so abruptly. But when he heard the doorbell ring, he quickly realized that his nightmare might not have been the only thing to pull him from his restless slumber, Matt cursing under his breath before pushing himself up off the couch and heading for the door.
Though he himself hadn't intended to fall asleep, he knew the same couldn't be said for the three girls he'd left in the master bedroom, Matt hoping to get to the door before whoever it was rang the bell again, as the last thing he wanted to do was wake any of them up. As he walked through the room he spared a quick glance back at their bedroom door, Casey not seeing any signs of movement before he got to his destination, the tired man checking to see who was here before he opened the door and came face to face with his best friend.
"I come bearing milk… and chicken." Severide spoke as he held up the grocery bags, Matt stifling a chuckle before he nodded and stepped aside, the silent movement inviting Kelly in as he walked into the quiet home. "Which, I thought was kind of weird for that to be all you really needed, but I didn't question it." He added with a grin, Matt matching his look before closing the door behind him while Severide continued towards the kitchen with the groceries he'd bought for them.
With as hectic as things had been for the Caseys, they'd relied on their friends and family for a lot lately, all of them offering frequently to do anything they needed while they focused on Gabby's recovery. Whether it was running errands for them, or taking the girls' places, Matt and Gabby had a lot of help ever since the accident. And today, that meant Severide taking a quick trip to the store for a few things they'd run out of.
"And I did get those puffs for the baby." Severide added as he placed the bags down on the counter in the kitchen while Casey followed in his path, Matt soon shushing him while bringing his finger up to his lips in hopes of getting his point across, as Kelly's head tilted to the side. "..What?" He asked, though he still spoke softly, the Lieutenant picking up on the fact that Matt wanted him to be quiet.
"Sorry, the girls are sleeping." He answered him, his voice even softer than before as his gaze flickered towards the bedroom door, Severide following his line of sight as realization washed over him.
"Oh, sorry man." He replied equally as quiet, Matt waving him off as Kelly began to pull out the groceries. "I didn't realize they were asleep, I hope I didn't wake them up."
"It's okay, I think we're good." Casey replied softly, his eyes still trained on the bedroom door as he waited to see if anyone appeared. But after a few more seconds had passed and he heard no movement, he figured they were safe. "I should've texted you and let you know, but I guess I fell asleep too. Even though I didn't mean to… I didn't realize you'd be on your way over already. Last thing I remember was I was picking up the living room, but I must've dozed off." He explained with a light laugh, Kelly shaking his head as he continued placing the food on the counter.
"Don't worry about it, you need the rest as much as the girls do." Severide commented, Matt holding his tongue before he took his first real look at everything his friend had bought for them, Kelly certainly getting more than what was on the small list.
"What's all this?" Matt asked as he moved around the island in the middle of their kitchen, Kelly shooting him a soft smile before emptying the last bag.
"Just some stuff I know you all go through a lot of… some more juice for the girls, and some fruit. And then the usual bread, oatmeal, crackers, that kind of stuff… I also saw these little panda cookies I thought the girls would like, so I picked those up, and then I got them each a toy." He spoke brightly as he held up to identical stuffed animals, the proud smile on his face not going unnoticed by Casey.
"You didn't have to do all this, man."
"I know, but I figured since I was there." He responded with a slight shrug, before moving to put away the cold items. "And I did manage to find a few containers of those puffs Sof loves, which I know was the main purpose of my trip to the grocery store." He added lightly, Kelly referencing one of the purchases he knew to be on the list. "I got a couple of her favorite ones, so she should be good for a while."
"Yeah, thank you for that." Casey breathed out as he picked up the food and headed towards the pantry. "We're on our last container of those right now, and I'm pretty sure she'd lose her mind if we ran out." He joked, Kelly flashing him a knowing grin as he placed the milk inside the fridge.
"I could see that." Kelly joked as Matt finished putting the food in his hands away. "The kid knows what she likes."
"She definitely does." Matt echoed as they got the rest of the groceries put away, Severide carefully closing the refrigerator door before turning towards his friend. "But really, thank you for doing this, and getting that extra stuff, it really helps us out a lot."
"Of course Casey, but you don't need to thank me for anything." Kelly reminded him, Matt drawing in a slow breath before he nodded, his body weight leaning into the counter as Severide stood across from him in a similar stance. "We're all here for you, with whatever you need." He spoke, even though Matt already knew just how true his words were, as their support system was one of the main reasons Gabby's recovery had gone as well as it was.
"We know you are, but I still want you to know how much we appreciate it… Even if Gabby's not awake to tell you herself." Casey said with a light laugh, Kelly matching his grin as he glanced back towards the open bedroom door.
"Yeah, it seems like Dawson's asleep most times I stop by, but that's good… She needs her rest." He responded, Matt nodding in agreement as his eyes moved back towards the door as well, the husband hoping their soft voices weren't disturbing his girls. "Speaking of Dawson, how's she been doing?" Kelly asked, knowing it had been a few days since he'd had the chance to check in, at least face to face. "She still feeling okay?"
"She's hanging in here. The past day or so has been a little rough, but we're fine." He replied, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing as his head tilted the side in question.
"What's going on?" He pressed, the worry in his voice impossible to miss.
"Just some lingering pain, she's still sore more often than not." He answered as a look of realization covered Severide's features. "And it's hard on her, because her body can't do what she wants it to… You know how she is."
"Stubborn as hell, yeah I do." He joked, Matt chuckling dryly before he shook his head.
"Determined, is more the word I was going for." He corrected, Severide waving him off lightly. "But no, she's fine… We don't think it's anything more than her just healing, but we don't really know."
"I'm sure she's fine." Kelly echoed supportively. "And hopefully all this sleep she's getting will help her feel better." He added, Matt nodding in response just before a slight yawn escaped his lips. "...And I was serious before, by the way." Severide continued on, those few words causing Casey to look his way with a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. "You need rest too… No offense, but you kind of look like hell."
A quiet scoff left Matt's lips before he shook his head, Casey playing off his words as Kelly shot him a knowing smirk. "Yeah, thanks… You sound like Gabby." Matt joked, Kelly chuckling softly before he nodded. "Sleep's just been a little hard to come by these days, with everything going on, but I'm fine… And besides, I'm not who everyone needs to be worried about." He finished with a small grin, Matt doing what he could to deflect the attention of himself.
Though his suddenly distant demeanor didn't go unnoticed by Severide, the friend keeping a watchful eye on him as he spoke up.
"People are gonna worry about you, Casey." He said, Matt pursing his lips together as Kelly continued on. "I mean, obviously everyone's worried about Dawson, and we're all glad she's okay. But you went through this, too." Severide reasoned as he took a step closer towards him, Casey glancing down towards the ground. "It's been hard on the both of you, and I know you're only concerned about Gabby, and your girls, right now, but, you know… try not to let yourself get lost in all that, too." He finished, Matt raising his eyebrows slightly before meeting his gaze.
He wasn't sure where this little speech had come from, if Kelly was just genuinely worried or if he was picking up on Casey's uneasiness when he arrived, but whatever the reason Matt nodded nonetheless, flashing him a weak smile in return.
"Yeah, you're right." Matt answered with that same small grin on his face before he expertly changed the subject. "So, aside from running errands for us, how have things been going for you? How's work?"
Severide picked up on the way Casey quickly changed the course of their conversation, but he didn't comment on it as the Lieutenant gave him a soft nod. "Things are good, work's been fine… It's been weird, ever since the accident happened." He replied, earning an understanding look from Matt. "Having so many people not there is a little strange, but overall everything's been alright. The people covering, for the most part, have been good… But I think it'll help when Jemma starts working on 61." He added, the small smile on Casey's face growing before he nodded. "Getting a familiar face back on that rig will help."
"Does the house know yet?" Matt asked, his question earning an immediate nod from his friend as Severide matched his look. Though Kelly had been informed of Jemma's joining of 51 pretty soon after the Casey's found out, as far as Matt knew she had yet to tell the rest of the firehouse.
"They do." He answered as he adjusted his weight against the countertop. "Boden finally told everyone last shift that she'd be joining 61 soon, everyone is super excited… Though I guess she's gotten caught up in some paperwork, the Chief at current house doesn't want her to leave."
"Well, I can't blame him, she's an amazing paramedic." Matt cut in, before Severide nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, she is. One of the best. So I can understand why he wants to keep her, but her and Boden have been working through all that, trying to get things squared away so she can come to our house… The guy's being kind of an ass about it, from what I can tell." He said, his off-hand comment causing Matt's head to fall to the side.
"Jemma didn't mention anything about that." Casey spoke, Kelly meeting his gaze before shrugging softly. "She just said everything's been fine…"
"Yeah, she told me… She didn't want you all stressing over it, with everything else going on." He responded simply, his words causing Matt to purse his lips together. "And besides, it was never that much of an issue, Chief's got it handled." Kelly spoke with a sure tone in his voice. "You know how Boden is, he went to bat for her. He really wants her at 51, and he knows how much Jemma wants to be there… How much everyone wants her there, especially after what happened. So as far as I know it's all squared away, she just has to finish out another shift or two at her house, then she'll be at 51."
Casey gave him a tight nod as he thought over his friend's words, Matt not liking the idea of Jemma being pushed around by her current Chief. But from the sound of it, Boden had everything under control, and as long as Jemma ended up at 51 that's what mattered.
"Alright, good." Matt finally replied after a moment, his voice still soft as he didn't want to disturb his family in the next room. "I'm glad Boden's got it handled, Jemma doesn't need to deal with that."
"No, she doesn't. But everything's good." Severide assured him once more, his statement earning another nod from his friend before they continued on with their conversation.
"Alright… What about the rest of the house? How have things been on truck? … Jankowski stil covering for me?" Matt asked softly, referencing the older firefighter he knew to be holding things down on 81 while he was gone. Which, as far as he knew, had been going smoothly, though by the slight grimace that appeared over Kelly's face, Matt was starting to think that wasn't the case anymore.
"He's not, no." Kelly answered, not missing the bit of surprise that covered Casey's features, before a slight look of uncertainty began to creep in. "He hasn't been for a few shifts now. Boden didn't give us the full story, but they sent him back to another house… I'm not sure why, he was doing fine. Things on 81 were good, as far as I know. But he's not there anymore." Severide explained, Matt nodding slowly before he spoke up.
"Who's on truck then?"
"Garcia."
Casey was unable to hide his immediate wince once he learned of his apparently new replacement, the look on Severide's face moments ago now making much more sense to him as he spoke of the man Matt had had a few run-ins with in the past; none of which being very pleasant. Which he could only assume is why no one had informed him of this shift in personnel beforehand, as everyone in the firehouse knew Casey had his issues with Captain Luke Garcia.
And they all stemmed from Garcia's lack of boundaries when it came to his wife.
All the comments, and remarks, either to or about her had never sat well with him. And they weren't appreciated by the rest of the house, either, that much Casey did know, as no one at 51 seemed too fond of Garcia. But luckily for Casey, he hadn't had any interaction with the other Captain in a very long time. And, God willing, he wouldn't have to now.
"Yeah, that was pretty much everyone's reaction when he got there." Kelly continued on after seeing Casey's face, Matt having yet to say much of anything. "We were all surprised, because Jankowski fit in well- especially with Mouch and Herrmann. But I guess they were just wanting to fill the vacancy with another Captain, until you get back." He explained quietly, Casey nodding before Kelly kept going. "All I know about it is Garcia is there now, probably will be until you come back, but he's been running 81."
"How has that gone?"
"Honestly? Not as bad as I was expecting." Severide answered truthfully. "I mean, he's still Garcia… Can never mind his own business, and he doesn't know when to shut up. No one's particularly thrilled that he's there, but as a Captain he's done fine. And there haven't been any major issues with him, in the house."
"Really?" Matt asked with a soft scoff of disbelief, Severide nodding in response. "Now that's a surprise."
"Yeah, I feel the same way… I mean, aside from his usual inability to keep to himself, nothing too bad has happened. I think that's just because he knows what he walked into." Kelly explained, his words causing Matt to give him an unsure look, clearly waiting for him to continue. "Just… with the accident, and everything." He elaborated, realization soon covering Casey's face. "Everyone in the department has heard about what happened, and how bad it was… By the time he got assigned to come back to 51, he knew he was walking into a house that not only had just lost one of their own, but that had two others badly injured. So he hasn't really been as… Garcia-like as usual."
"Well, that's good at least."
"It is, yeah. It's made it a little easier to have him around… Though we all definitely miss our normal Captain." Severide added with a light laugh, Matt shooting him a small grin before nodding back at him. A heavy silence fell over them, neither one of them sure of what to say until Kelly eventually spoke up once more, his words gaining Casey's attention rather quickly. "Which, uh, speaking of that… have you thought about that at all? When you'll be back?"
He gave little to no reaction to his friend's question, Matt shrugging once with his arms crossed over his chest. "I haven't, no." Casey answered, his honest words earning a nod from Severide. "Gabby is still…" He trailed off, waving his hand around in the air while he tried to figure out how to voice the thoughts in his head. "She won't be able to go back for awhile, and I'm not sure what I'm doing."
"Yeah, that's kind of what everyone figured… I asked Boden about it, but he said he didn't know either." Severide replied to him, Matt drawing in a deep breath as he nodded.
"I've spoken to the Chief a few times, but it hasn't really come up. Him, and the department and everyone- they've all been so great about this, giving me some leeway to take this time off." Matt responded softly, his eyes flickering back towards the bedroom door for a split second out of habit.
"With the severity of everything, that's not surprising." Kelly told him, as Matt's gaze refocused on the man in front of him. "I mean, this happened on the job, and as bad as it was… I'm sure however much time you need, the department will give it to you."
"That's what it seems like, yeah. They're not really pushing me to come back by a certain date or anything." Casey responded, his words halting for a moment while he drew in another breath. "But yeah, to answer your question, I'm not sure when I'll be back. It mostly just depends on Gabby, and how she's doing… We're still just taking things a day at a time. We have her check up here at the end of the week, so I probably won't know anything more concrete until after that." He told him, Kelly nodding understandingly as Matt looked back to the bedroom once more. "...And, with as rough as all of this was on the girls, I think Gabby and I both being here has been the best thing for them." He finished, Severide's face faltering slightly as Matt spoke of his daughters, Kelly knowing well just how hard this had been for all members of the Casey family.
"Yeah, I know they've liked having you both around." He murmured, Matt giving him a soft smile as he nodded.
"They have, yeah… Caitlyn especially. Sof's still a little too young to really know the difference. Things were hard for her at the hospital, she didn't understand what was going on or why her mom was there, but since we've been home she's been fine. But Caitlyn remembers." He breathed out, sad looks covering both their faces. "She remembers most of it, if not all of it… Which has been a lot on her. But if all her therapy taught us anything, it's that the best thing for her is just to have us around, so that's what we've been doing. And it's seemed to help all of us so far."
"That's great, Casey. I'm glad you all are doing well." Severide replied, Matt offering him a small grin in response before Kelly did what he could to lighten the mood. "Although knowing Dawson, I won't be surprised if she kicks you out here soon. I'm sure she's getting sick of you." He said with a soft laugh, Casey huffing out a breath before shaking his head, Matt not giving much but a weak laugh in return. And his lack of response was enough to remind Severide of some of the worry he'd felt for his friend when he got here, Kelly's eyes narrowing slightly as he kept his eyes on Casey.
"...You sure you're okay, man?"
"Hmm?" Matt hummed back, the response immediate before he could even really digest Kelly's words.
"Are you alright?" Severide repeated, his eyes focused thoughtfully on the man in front of him as Casey had yet to give him an answer. "You seem a little off."
"I'm fine." Matt told him, his words coming quicker than they normally would, his rushed tone not going unnoticed by Severide. "I'm just tired… it's been a long few days- or weeks, really. But I'm good." He assured him as best he could, Kelly pausing for a moment while his gaze traced over him, before finally giving him a nod. "But you're probably right though, it couldn't hurt for me to get a little more rest."
Kelly wasn't sure if he was merely agreeing with him, or if Matt's words were more so to give him a hint, but either way Severide knew it was likely time for him to leave, as he could see it in Casey's eyes how tired he was. Though from the short amount of time he'd spent with him today, Kelly knew it was more than just a physical exhaustion. But now wasn't the time to push it.
"Yeah, yeah, I think that would be good." Severide responded, his eyes glancing back towards the clock above the stove before he pushed himself away from the counter. "Unless you all need anything else, I'll go ahead and get out of here… Let you go join the girls and their nap." He spoke softly, Matt giving him a small smile.
"I think we're good, but thanks again, for doing this." He told him as they began to move towards the door, Severide merely shaking his head.
"Of course, Case, it was nothing. And if you need anything else just call me, or Stella." He added with a chuckle as they got to the front door.
"I will, thanks Sev- Oh, wait." Matt stopped himself just as Kelly reached for the door handle. "How much do I owe you for the groceries?" He asked, Casey barely able to finish his sentence before his friend shook his head.
"You don't."
"Kelly-"
"I'm serious, man, don't worry about it." Severide interjected, Matt pursuing his lips together as he sighed softly. "You don't owe me anything, it's fine… Just think of it as me spoiling my goddaughters, if that helps." He added, Matt smiling softly before he reluctantly nodded.
"Thank you." He replied, Severide waving him off before he pulled the door open and stepped out into the chilly March air.
"You're welcome… Now go get some sleep, you look like shit." He spoke as he headed for his car, Casey scoffing heavily just as Kelly gave him a smug wave goodbye, the two men going their separate ways when Matt closed and locked up his front door.
And when he did, he was met by the deafening quiet of his home once more, the lack of sound telling him that even through all the commotion of Severide's visit, that hadn't disrupted any of his girls' slumber. Which he was incredibly thankful for as a yawn left his lips, Matt glancing around as he was unsure of what to do with himself now.
Though he had made some progress in cleaning up before his impromptu nap, their home was still a disaster, for lack of a better word, and he knew he should really clean it up, as he and Gabby both felt better when their home was clean. But considering how the majority of the mess he had yet to get to came from the girls and their toys, he didn't feel like picking up after them as he knew here in a few short hours they'd make even more of a mess out here anyway, Matt feeling less and less inclined to do any more cleaning up until after the girls went to bed tonight.
And it also didn't help how Severide's words were ringing around in his head, Matt feeling more and more tired by the minute as he knew he really should take this time to get some rest, just like his family was doing. But he knew that was rest he'd have to have out here, as the last thing he wanted to do was fall asleep next to his wife and daughters, only to startle them awake if he happened to have another nightmare. It was something he'd avoided up to this point, and he didn't want to change that now, Matt deciding that once he pulled the curtains closed and turned off some of the lights, he'd be able to get some decent sleep out here on the couch.
But there was one thing he wanted to do before that, Matt quietly walking across his home towards the master bedroom, as he wanted to check on his girls before trying to get any more sleep this afternoon. With slow, soft steps, he moved through the open door into their bedroom, the sight in front of him bringing any immediate smile to his face as Gabby, Caitlyn, and Sofia were all three cuddled together in their large king-sized bed, sleeping as soundly as they'd been since he last checked on them earlier in the day.
With them still right where he'd left them, Gabby was resting peacefully close to the middle of their bed, with a child on either side of her. She was facing Sofia, the baby sleeping comfortably on her back next to her mom, while Caitlyn was nestled up against Gabby's back, her head tucked in between her mother and the bed. And while he didn't anticipate any problems, when they'd first fallen asleep Matt had placed extra pillows around Sofia for added safety, just in case she rolled over in her sleep. But from what he could tell, she hadn't moved an inch; none of them had, as they were all fast asleep in the dark room.
And it was a heartwarming image, to say the least, Matt keeping his eyes on his family as he took a few steps closer to the bed, the husband and father making sure to stay quiet so as to not disturb them. He knew he shouldn't stay too much longer, as not only would he be risking waking them, but he'd be taking away from his own time to catch up on some rest, Matt's eyes tracing over them before he landed on his wife. And once he did, the smile that seemed to be permanently etched on his face was slowly replaced with a frown, Matt unable to stop the harsh thoughts gradually filling his mind as he was reminded of how close he came to losing this. To losing her.
The feeling still hit him constantly, and he hadn't found a way to make it stop as he forced himself to focus on the steady rise and fall of Gabby's chest while she slept. It took him a few moments, but it began to help steady his nerves, the movement a clear sign that she was okay, Matt taking a few slow breaths as those words repeated over and over in his mind.
She was okay.
She was okay, she was here. And that's what mattered.
And as long as he kept reminding himself of that, he knew he'd be okay, too.
Or that's what he hoped.
Matt stepped out of his warm shower after turning the water off, a slight chill coursing through his body at the abrupt change in temperate as he reached for his towel, Casey quickly going through the motions of drying himself off before he secured the towel around his waist and headed towards the sink. Even from all the way in the master bathroom, he could hear the commotion going on out in the living room, a soft smile resting over his face as he heard the laughter of his children, along with some easy scolding from their mother.
And that continued while he got ready, Matt finishing up brushing his teeth as he knew he and Gabby needed to be out of here soon if they wanted to make it to her appointment on time, his wife having reminded him of that frequently throughout the morning as she had gotten ready nearly an hour ago. He wasn't sure if it was her nervous energy about what the doctor was going to say, or if she was just eager to get out of the house for the first time since coming home, aside from the occasional walk out in the courtyard, but whatever the reason Gabby was very vocal about wanting to make sure they left on time. So Matt was doing his best to comply with that, as he was a bit anxious about this appointment too, Casey very much wanting to hear what the doctor had to say about Gabby's recovery. Or, more accurately, he wanted to know if there was a reason behind her still not being back to her normal self.
Though he'd never say it to her, as he knew better than anyone how difficult this all had been on his wife, she was still having a harder time than he would've expected at this point in her recovery. It wasn't anything too alarming, and there were days she was fine and things felt like they were getting back to normal, aside from her moving a bit slower than she typically would. But on those days, it was almost like nothing had happened.
But then there were other days, the days Matt was a little more concerned about, where it seemed like she could hardly get out of bed. Where she still had some pain, or she was just so physically exhausted she could hardly move. Days where Gabby would willingly ask for his help with tasks she normally would be determined to do on her own. There were still some days like that, even though she'd been home for over a week and a half now, and Matt didn't know what to make of it. Aside from the fact that it worried him.
He knew this was part of it. The rational part of him knew recovery was like this, that he had gone through this himself more than once, as had Gabby, and that it could be a slow process. And some days were better than others, that wasn't entirely lost on him. But the other part of him, the worried husband in him couldn't help but wonder if there was something else going on; some nagging injury she hadn't told him about, or something the doctors missed the first time around, anything to explain these days where it felt like she hadn't gotten much better at all.
Shaking his head roughly, Matt tried his best to clear his mind as he knew it was likely just his nerves putting these thoughts in his head. The same nerves that had been making it hard for him to ever truly settle these days. When overall, she was doing a lot better. He knew it, he had seen it, and compared to how she had been at the hospital, she had improved so much, and she had been having more good days than bad lately. He knew all of those things were true, so Matt chalked up these feelings to his own nervous energy. That for as on-edge as he'd been lately when it came to his wife, he was just putting too much pressure on her getting better, and not letting this thing run its course.
Which is exactly why he hadn't said anything to her.
He was worried, and he knew he would be until everything was back to normal. But what he didn't want to do was put any of that on her. He didn't want to project any of his issues with this onto Gabby, when he knew she was trying her best. That wouldn't help anyone, especially not her, and she was what mattered here.
So he kept it to himself, Matt hoping these lingering nerves would start to go away once they saw the doctor and, hopefully, got some good news that everything was still fine.
Though he also couldn't let go of the thought in the back of his mind that if they did get the good news they were wanting, it wasn't lost on him how that meant he'd likely have to get back to work here soon. Something Gabby had reminded him of quite frequently as of late.
Him returning to the firehouse hadn't come up at all until Kelly mentioned it to him the other day, but since that moment it seemed to be all that was on his wife's mind, as they'd had more than one conversation about it here recently. How Gabby thought it would be good for all of them for him to go back to work and get back into the swing of things, even when she couldn't.
But Matt didn't really feel the same way. In fact it was the opposite, as maybe the last thing he felt comfortable doing right now was leaving Gabby for over twenty four hours. He wasn't sure that's something either of them were ready for, hell he knew he wasn't. But, knowing Gabby, she might not give him much of a choice, as she had made a point to remind him frequently that she was fine, and they'd be fine with him returning to work, though he wasn't sure how much he believed either of those statements.
But, her being Gabby, she was determined, his wife clearly not wanting to let this go as she seemed to think it was time for him to return to work. And given the timing of their first conversation, he wasn't entirely sure his wife and his best friend hadn't been conspiring behind his back, as it had been later that night after Kelly's visit when they first talked about it.
"I just think it would be good for you, and for us… Make things a little more normal around here." Gabby spoke as she laid in their bed, the baby monitor on their nightstand showing their girls both sleeping soundly in their own rooms while Matt stood across the room, the husband beginning to change into his pajamas. "It's been almost a month, and I think it would be good for at least one of us to get back to work." She continued on, her eyes focused on him while he moved around the room. "And I'm fine."
"Gabby…"
"I'm well enough for you to go back to work." She told him, Matt unable to stop the soft sigh that left his lips before he met her gaze. "I know I'm not one hundred percent yet, but with Becca here, or my dad, to help with the girls, we'd all be fine. And I feel like I've kept you from work for long enough-"
"Baby, I wouldn't have wanted to be working anyway." He interjected, her face softening as she carefully adjusted herself in bed. "Not when you were recovering, I wasn't gonna be anywhere else than right here."
"I know, but that's my point… I'm doing better. I think it would be okay for you to get back to work. And honestly, I think it would do you some good." She told him, his body involuntarily tightening as he wasn't sure what she meant by her words. But thankfully he didn't have to wait long to find out. "I know how stir-crazy I'm going being stuck here, I can only imagine what it's like for you." She continued on lightly, Matt giving her a weak smile as he felt a rush of relief course through him, the man concerned this conversation was about to go in a very different direction. "I know it won't be easy to go back there, after everything… But if you're ready to go back, I think it would be good for you."
He paused as she spoke, Gabby having unknowingly given him an opening to confess some of what he'd been feeling lately. But as quickly as the thought crossed his mind, it was gone, Matt simply smiling before he gave her a slight nod.
"How about we just get past your doctor's appointment, see how your check-up goes and then we'll talk about it, okay?" He suggested, Gabby biting down on her bottom lip before mimicking his nod.
"...Deal." She agreed, Matt shooting her another smile grin just as she reached her hand out towards him. "Now come here."
His head cocked to the side in question, but he didn't hesitate to move towards the bed before climbing in down beside her. And the second he did, she cuddled her body into his, Matt unable to fight off his soft smile as he held her close, the two getting into that familiar and comfortable position as her head rested down against his chest.
"Everything okay?" He murmured as he felt her breath hit his neck, Gabby nodding against him as he stroked his hand through her hair, while his other hand moved to rest over her waist.
"Everything's fine, I just missed my husband." She replied, her words causing him to smile before he gently kissed the top of her head.
"Well, I'm here… I'm right here."
"Babe."
Casey was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the familiar voice of his wife, Gabby immediately reaching out to place her hand on his bare back when she realized just how much she startled him.
"Sorry, sorry I thought you heard me." She continued on as she stood beside him, Matt meeting her worried look through the mirror before he shook his head, a small smile forming over his face.
"No sorry, I didn't. But it's okay, I was just thinking." He assured her, though she didn't seem entirely convinced as she lightly ran her hand along his lower back just above his towel, almost in a soothing motion while she took another step towards him.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm good babe." He promised, Gabby hesitating for a moment before she nodded. "What did you need?"
"I was just checking to see if you were almost ready… We should probably get going soon." She told him before pressing a soft kiss to his arm, Matt's smile growing as he leaned into her touch.
"Alright, yeah. Just give me five more minutes and I'll be ready to go. Is Becca here yet?"
"She is." Gabby answered softly as she pulled back. "She was helping the girls with their snacks before I came in here, so they're good." She added with a light laugh, Matt chuckling as well before he nodded. "And Caity already knows we're going somewhere, so that should make the goodbyes a little easier."
"Sounds good… I'll be out in a few minutes." He replied, Gabby nodding as she took a few slight steps backwards, Matt noticing how her eyes stayed focused on him the entire time.
"Okay…" She responded, the single word drawn out like there was more she wanted to say. And he picked up on it, Casey meeting her eyes through the mirror to find a questioning look resting across her face, though Gabby spoke up before he could say anything. "You sure you're alright?"
He heard the hint of worry in her voice, Matt pursing his lips together as he tried to figure out how to best answer her. His wife wasn't blind, and despite all she had going on he was sure she'd picked up on some of his odd behavior as of late, even if she didn't realize the extent of it. And clearly, whatever she had noticed had her a bit concerned.
But now wasn't the time for her to be worrying about him, Matt plastering a smile onto his face before he nodded.
"I'm good, babe." He told her, Gabby pausing for a split second before she nodded. "I'm just a little anxious about your appointment I guess." He continued on, Matt seeing her body relax once she heard his words, like she was expecting it to be something else on his mind. Which technically, there was. But now wasn't the time for that conversation. "I know everything's gonna be fine, but I just want to hear it from him."
She nodded in agreement, Gabby breathing in deeply as he turned to face her. "Yeah, me too… I'm a little nervous about it." She admitted even though Matt already knew that. But he gave her a supportive smile regardless, Gabby matching his look before she continued. "But, like you said, everything's gonna be fine." She echoed, the husband nodding knowingly as he pushed everything he was feeling aside, Matt recognizing how Gabby needed him to be there for her in this moment.
"I know it will." He repeated himself, watching as she drew in a slow, steadying breath before a small smile formed over her lips. "I know there have been some hard days here and there, but you're getting better. And I'm sure that's exactly what he's gonna tell us." He reminded her, Matt refusing to focus on his own concerns as Gabby watched him.
"Yeah, you're right." She murmured, Casey looking over her for a moment before he took the few short steps towards his wife and pulled her in for a hug without a second thought. And the moment he did, she nearly melted into him, Gabby resting her head in the crook of his neck as he securely held onto her.
And this is how they stayed for a few moments, Matt letting her take the lead as he didn't want to pull away before she was ready. Though, admittedly, the contact was helping him feel better too, the feeling of her warmth steadying him as he ran his hand over her back.
"I love you." She spoke, her voice barely above a whisper as Matt pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head, before Gabby slowly pulled herself away from him, knowing that if she didn't they'd likely stay here much longer than they had time for. "And thank you." She added, Matt soon shaking his head as she had nothing to thank him for.
"I love you, too." He responded, rubbing his hand along her arm as his eyes traced over her, Matt looking for any sign of uncertainty. "You okay?" He repeated the question she had asked him moments prior, Gabby taking a deep breath before she nodded.
"I'm okay."
"Good." He said softly, Matt leaning back towards her to give her a gentle, yet fleeting kiss. "Just give me a few minutes, then we can head out." He reminded her, Gabby nodding to him before she continued towards the door, the couple sharing one last meaningful look before she headed out of the room, leaving Casey by himself to finish getting ready for the day.
"Breathe in again for me, Gabby." Dr. Jennings said as she sat on the exam table, Dawson complying without issue as she drew in a deep breath, before slowly letting it out. "Alright, good." He told her as he pulled back, the doctor returning the stethoscope around his neck before moving over towards his stool, Matt watching on from his position in the chair against the wall while Dr. Jennings looked over her chart for a moment. "Well, everything sounds good, Gabby. And from your bloodwork, and the few other scans we had you go take yesterday, everything's looking great."
Gabby and Matt both released a collective sigh of relief, Dr. Jennings offering them a sympathetic smile as he'd noticed their apparent nerves from the minute they got to his office over an hour ago. "So she's good?" Matt asked, his question gaining the attention of the doctor. "There's nothing you're concerned about?"
"From what I'm seeing, no." He was quick to answer them, not missing the way Matt gave Gabby a soft smile before he continued. "Everything looks great… Her scans are good, her vitals were great, and all of her incision sights look like they're healing as they should be. I was most worried about that cut on her leg, but even that looks great. Everything I'm seeing is encouraging." He assured them, Matt breathing in deeply before he nodded. "But what I have is only part of the picture, I do want to talk with you a bit Gabby, see how things have been going." The doctor continued on as he sat her chart down on the counter. "How have you been feeling?"
"Overall, I feel okay." She told him, Dr. Jennings nodding as he waited for her to elaborate. "Some days are still a little challenging, I'll occasionally have some pain in my shoulder, or leg… I get tired a lot, especially if I've been up doing too much. But even with all that, I feel better. It feels like I'm getting better." She spoke softly, her eyes immediately moving towards her husband, like she was waiting for his input, Matt soon nodding in agreement.
"She definitely is." He echoed, the doctor nodding supportively. "There have been some moments here and there, where she still struggles a bit. But I do think she's getting better."
"Well, that is to be expected." Dr. Jennings replied, his words somewhat comforting to Casey as he was glad to know what was going on with Gabby wasn't out of the ordinary. "Especially the exhaustion… I know I've told you this over and over, but your body went through a lot. More than it could really handle, and now it's trying to recover from that. So it's gonna take time, and there are going to be some hard days. But as long as, overall, you feel like you're getting better, I'm not too concerned."
"I do." She answered him again, Matt nodding once more in agreement.
"Good… And from the little bit I could see, you seem to be getting around well. About as good as to be expected." The doctor commented, Gabby's smile widening slightly. "Though I hope you're still taking it easy."
"She is." Casey said before she could, earning a knowing look from his wife.
"I am." She repeated lightly. "Matt hardly lets me do anything."
The doctor chuckled at her words, Dr. Jennings shaking his head before he glanced towards Matt. "Good man." He responded quietly, Matt fighting off his smirk as he looked towards his wife just in time to see her roll her eyes playfully. "But, in all seriousness, you do need to be easing yourself back into things. So I'm glad you're not overdoing it."
"Yeah, I'm not, Matt makes sure of it. And we've had a lot of help, with the girls and everything, so I've mostly just been resting."
"That's what I like to hear." He replied, glancing back at her chart for a moment before continuing on. "Now, I know you're mostly taking it easy, which is exactly what you're supposed to be doing, but when you are up and moving around, have you experienced any trouble breathing? Any shortness of breath, or other issues like that?" He questioned, Gabby thinking over his words for a moment before she responded.
"Uh, not really, no… I'll get winded sometimes, I guess, when I'm up and moving around for too long, but that's about it." She answered, the doctor nodding as he jotted a few things down in his notes. "Other than that, there's nothing I can think of… I do feel some soreness sometimes, when I'm moving around too much. Like in my chest and abdomen, where the incisions are."
"Is it a tightness in your chest, or just around the incisions?" He quickly asked for clarification.
"Just where the incisions are." She repeated, Dr. Jennings nodding once more as he continued writing things down. "It's not chest pains or anything like that."
"Good, that's good." He murmured as he continued looking down at her chart, the man staying quiet for a moment before looking back towards them. "Well, it sounds like you're healing well, Gabby." He told her, Dawson nodding with a small smile on her face. "That soreness, and the pain, with the surgeries you had and your injuries, that's not uncommon. When you're able to start getting up and doing more, that movement should help with that… It's just a delicate balance, of making sure you don't overdo it." He explained to the couple. "But as you start to feel better, you'll be able to do more, and hopefully all of that will start to go away."
"Alright." Gabby replied, the doctor offering her a small smile before he glanced back down to his notes.
"Let's see if there's anything else here… I see that you're starting to put back on some of the weight you lost in the hospital, which is a great sign." He told her, Matt giving her a proud grin when she glanced towards him. "Everything I'm seeing and hearing is good, Gabby… It's all really good. I'm glad to see how much progress you're making." He told her, his encouraging words filling both Matt and Gabby with a sense of easiness as the doctor placed her chart back down. "You've come a long way since the accident, and I imagine you'll only continue to get better… But I do want you to take things slow over the next couple weeks. If you feel up for anything, like maybe going for walks or something like that, you can, just listen to your body. Don't push yourself too hard. I don't want you doing anything too strenuous."
"I won't."
"Alright… And I'm still not sure about you and getting back to work. We're probably still a few weeks off of that, because we need you completely healed before we even think of sending you back." He explained to her, Gabby nodding in understanding as Matt's back straightened up slightly. "I want you to come back in a few weeks, and we'll see how you're doing then and revisit you going back to work. But for now, just keep doing what you've been doing. And, unless there are any problems, I'll see you in a couple weeks."
"Sounds good, thank you."
"Yeah, thanks doctor." Matt spoke as he stood up, the two men shaking hands before Dr. Jennings moved towards the door.
"Of course. I'm just glad to see you doing so well, Gabby." He replied, the couple exchanging a few more pleasantries with the man before he left them so Gabby could get dressed.
And soon enough, she was ready to go, Gabby having gotten out of the paper gown and back into her clothes before her and Matt left the room, the two stopping to schedule Gabby's next appointment before making the long trek to his truck. They were moving pretty slowly, Casey content to walk at her pace as their hands were locked together, Gabby leaning into his side a bit with each step.
Their walk was relatively quiet, neither of them having much to say as Dr. Jennings words continued to sink in, both of them just so glad to know Gabby was on the right track, and that for everything Matt was concerned about, none of it were uncommon for what his wife had gone through, while Gabby was more just relieved to know she was fine. But with those thoughts circling around their heads, it hadn't led to much discussion from either of them. Not until they got outside and began moving down to the street to where Matt had parked.
"So… that went well." She murmured as the cooler March air blew around them, Matt offering up a soft smile before he nodded.
"It did." He agreed as he gave her hand a squeeze, not missing the way she had slowed down a bit the longer they'd been walking. "I'm just so glad everything's good with you."
"Me too."
"And, like he said, hopefully here soon you'll start to feel more like yourself."
"Yeah, I hope so, too." She agreed, Gabby pausing to take a breath before she continued. "It would be nice to be able to walk without getting completely exhausted." She added lightly, Matt wearing a sympathetic smile on his face as he tightened his hold on her hand.
"Do you need to take a break?" He asked softly, knowing they still had another block before they'd get to the truck.
"No, no I'm alright… We're already moving at the speed of a turtle, I'm good." She responded, Matt holding his tongue before giving her a nod, the two continuing to move down the sidewalk together while they were passed by a few quicker-moving pedestrians. "But back to what we were talking about, now that we know I'm doing well, I think it's time to start seriously talking about you getting back to work."
Casey drew in a deep breath as he had been expecting this conversation, the warm grin on her face telling him she'd likely been thinking about it long before she brought it up. "Yeah, I knew you weren't gonna give that up." He responded lightly, hoping his easy tone would help distract from the heavy feeling forming in his gut.
And, thankfully, it did, Gabby laughing softly before she returned her eyes forward. "You know I never do." She replied, Matt clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth before he simply nodded, the husband knowing better than to comment on that as she continued on. "But really, I know you said you wanted to wait and hear what the doctor had to say, and now that we have, and we know everything's good, I think it might be time to maybe get you back to the firehouse."
"Sounds like you just want to get rid of me." He replied, Matt hoping his joking would do well to deflect from the subject a second time. But it didn't work this time around, Gabby pursing her lips together as he glanced towards her husband.
"Matt…"
"I'm just joking, baby." He tried, but she wasn't so convinced as she came to a complete stop.
"I know, but I'm being serious, babe." She replied, her words causing him to come to a stop as well before he turned back around to face her, the look on her face telling him all he needed to know as a soft sigh left his lips.
"Gabby-"
"Why don't you want to go back to work?"
Her blunt question took him by surprise, his eyes widening slightly as the concerned, yet stern look on her face never changed. "What?"
"Why don't you want to go back to work?" She asked again, her voice a bit softer than it had been moments before, Matt's gaze moving down towards the ground as she spoke up again. "You deflect every time I've brought it up, like you don't want to talk about it, and I just… I want to know what's going on with you." She breathed out, the two locking gazes before her eyes thoughtfully traced over his face. "...Is it because of me? And what happened? Is that why you don't want to go back? Because I'm okay, Matt, you just heard him say I'm okay."
"I know you are." He replied, Gabby taking a few slow breaths before she spoke up.
"Then what is it? … Is something else going on?"
He bit down on the inside of his cheek roughly when he heard her words, the heavy feeling in his gut only getting worse as he hated the idea of not being completely open with his wife. But he couldn't, at least not right now, as a sidewalk in the heart of the city wasn't really the best place to get into everything that had been going on with him and how he was feeling about what had happened to her. But he knew he needed to tell her something, Matt shaking his head slowly before he responded.
"No, it's not that, I'm just worried about you, babe." He played it off, though by the defiant look covering his wife's face, he knew she wouldn't let this go easily. Even though his words weren't entirely a lie, they just didn't explain the whole truth. "I don't love the idea of spending an entire day away from you and the girls, either. So I guess it's just that, that I'm a little nervous at the idea of not being there." He told her, her face slowly softening before she nodded.
"I understand, Matt, I do… I would love for you to be at home with us, but we really need to start getting things back to normal, if we can." She spoke, Matt taking another slow breath as he knew her words held a lot of truth. "Obviously, I don't want you to go back if you're not ready to. I don't want that at all, or if there's something else going on," She added, her pointed words not going unnoticed by him, but he didn't respond. "But if it's just because of me, I promise I'm okay."
The two of them fell silent for a moment once she finished talking, Matt clenching his jaw tightly as he thought over everything she had just said. She had a point, he knew she did, and if he wasn't going to tell her the real reasons for his apprehension, he knew he had no excuse to use, Casey giving her hand another soft squeeze before he nodded.
"...Okay." He said, Gabby's eyebrows raising up slightly as her head tilted to the side.
"Okay?"
"Yeah… I'll call Boden, let him know I'll probably be back the shift after next." He replied to her, her eyes continuing to move across his face as he saw a flicker of apprehension in her gaze.
But she said nothing, Gabby merely nodding before she gave him a soft smile, Matt reciprocating her look before the couple continued down the sidewalk, the silence around them a bit heavier than it had been before as they made their way back to his truck.
Well, there we have another one. Looks like Matt is struggling with everything that happened more than he'd care to admit. To Gabby or anyone, even though Gabby seems to be picking up on it a little bit. So we're definitely gonna see how all of that plays out, especially with him returning to work soon.
But I hope you all enjoyed this one! I'm sorry again for not being able to update last week, there was just a lot going on in personal life and I wasn't able to finish it in time. Hopefully it was worth the wait, though.
Thanks again for reading, I'm eager to hear your thoughts on everything. I hope you all have a great week, I'll see you next time!